My Father invited a man named Jack Harpster to visit us for dinner. Jack gave my Father a thin paperback book called The Lazy Man’s Way to Riches. This book became my bible, as it promised I could have anything - no not just anything - but everything I wanted.

Journal 1975
LOVE

I began Dyna/Psych™ on April 24th, 1974.

Jeff, let me tell you about yourself… A Jack of All Trades and a Master of Four.

Finance – Howard Hughes
Love – Don Juan
Adventure – Marco Polo
Entertainment – Caruso

Content Key
(F) = Finance
(L) = Love
(A) = Adventure
(E) = Entertainment
(S) = Spiritual

The mind responds to the task!

Jeff, you’ve got to move around a lot and fast or unhappiness will catch you. Happiness is elusive. You’ve got to move around.

You need do nothing for everything is yours. The sky, the sun. Sit back and let them feed you. Be rich in all things.

1. A comfortable life (prosperous)
2. Equality (equal opportunity – brotherhood)
3. An exciting life (stimulating, active)
4. Family security (taking care of loved ones)
5. Freedom (independence, free choice)
6. Happiness (contentedness)
7. Inner Harmony (freedom from inner conflict)
8. Mature Love (sexual, spiritual maturity)
9. National Security (protection from attack)
10. Pleasure (enjoyable, leisure life)
11. Salvation (saved, eternal life)
12. Self-respect (self-esteem)
13. A sense of Self Accomplishment (lasting contribution)
14. Social Recognition (respect, admiration)
15. True Friendship (close companionship)
16. Wisdom (mature understanding of life)
17. A World At Peace (free from war and conflict)
18. A World of Beauty (beauty of nature and the arts)

~~~

Past…
It seems that I always attracted girls. I can recall in my earliest years of grade school when girls would run up and kiss me in the playground. I had two girlfriends, Janine, and Cathy at the age of five. I can also recall a pretty little girl names Cecelia. For 12 year after this, due to family crisis I had no luck with girls.
Eventually, they came and went out of my life. When I was about 16, I had my first real “make-out” with a girl.
I first went to bed with a woman, who happened to be a prostitute, at the age of 17.
Soon followed other such experiences. As you can probably see, there was nothing extremely unusual about my first 18 years.

…Present –
From the Scriptures:
“All I know are little bits of truth, but the time will come when I will receive so fully as God knows me now. In this life, we have three great lasting qualities… faith, hope and love, but the greatest of them is love. Make love your aim. Do all you can to become a loving people. Put love first!”

Since May of last year things have been different.
It all began in the summer of 1973. One evening we had a dinner guest named Jack Harpster. Jack was a master in the art of dealing with women. That night we ate and drank and talked about things that I had never noticed in women, discussed techniques that were foreign to me, and yet quite intriguing and fantastic. Jack said that women were always predictable in two things –

1) C_________
2) The M_______ I_________.

I had the immediate opportunity to put this into play.

We needed an extra steak for dinner, so while Jack and my brother and father talked, I went to the store. There was an attractive woman on my left in line. I decided to ask for her help, I was going to play on her mother instinct.
I said, “Pardon me, could you help me?”
She answered, “What can I do for you?”
I then proceeded to invent a problem that she could readily solve, something about hamburger going bad in my refrigerator. Her eyes lit up and she took off – she rattled on for quite awhile while I listened, a victor over her psychology. Within a week a girl was living at my apartment – mainly because I had given a girl an opportunity to meet me.
Jack explained that they are looking more than we are and that, “when they go home at night they take off their panties and they stick right there on the wall.”
I was beginning to see women as they really were. Not the heavenly creatures I had seen them as but rather fallible human beings. Eventually, though, Jack’s influence wore off on me and the inspiration was hard for me to capture, so came along the clincher, which will allow me to sell this diary. I received a book, which was promised if I followed its instruction I could have everything my heart desired. I followed the instructions and lately its results have compelled me to begin a diary.
I attend a college and for the first six weeks of the school year beginning in 1974, I was dating different girls, asking them questions, learning a terrible lot from their answers. My success was beginning to be apparent.
Before I begin with a/my daily diary, there are a few things more, which you must know.
As a piece of advice, always as best you can, try to be a warm, friendly, honest and open person. It will get you everywhere.
A tip about women – Flattery will get you everywhere. Not false flattery, that is things they realize are flattery for flattery’s sake. Rather flattery, which they will believe.
I have been greatly aided by a female, 21 years old, who has taught me unbelievable things about the psychology of other women. She is both a lover and friend. Herein I shall call her Star. Oh, yes, and this is all the truth!

Jeff Shea

Dr. Hanab’s Prescription Page
(S)

Disorder Antidote
Worry and Depression – Action
Hate – Love
Guilt (others) – Affection
Guilt (self) – Generosity
Impotency – Soberness, Affection, Remain calm, deny it with silence.
Fear – Action
Failure – Knowing in Detail what you want and being able to effectively use whatever asset you have to get it
Depression – A Female’s Love
Girlfriend’s Negativity – Hugging and Kissing and holding her intensely and often
Loss of Energy on an Idea – Pursue it on the spot.
Confusion (of life in general) – Discuss it with a learned man
Feeling of Stupidity – Read a book
Feeling of Being Trapped – Quit the Occupation
Depression – Human love, fish for compliments
Best cure to date – Express your love for a girl directly to the girl. It works.
How to make a home sweet cake! – Take a cup of sweet sugar and pour it over your troubles.

Note: If you are ever bothered by a negative thought merely find its opposite and include it in your goals, say, “I always think (in this space put opposite) thoughts!” Troubles gone!
Notes: I think I might sell my car, buy a motorcycle and ride across the country to begin this summer.

Note: About Green’s prescriptions. I don’t know how long -

1) This will last
2) I will need it.

(L)(S)
But I know that however weird it may sound, it works for me. If, by chance, I lose my hard-on, I can sort of, in my mind, call on a woman or women I shall call Rosemary. I don’t know the psychology behind it, but, as I said, I am sane and it works.
I can sort of imagine that I am that woman, now I know this sounds perverse but when you’re expected to perform, you create something that will help you.
This woman is beautiful. She has rosy lips and nice tits, a beautiful body and she knows exactly how to please the other girl!!!!! It is as if, with the help of this imaginary lady, I can really turn these girls on! I don’t know if I will ruin it by writing it down, but I think I will enhance it. It is really not as weird as it sounds. For in mathematics, through numbers that don’t even exist, they can do amazing things.
…Lately I have been purposefully creating imaginary characters in my mind so that I can ask them questions. Such as, I will create an imaginary Don Juan and ask him about women. I will play both the imaginary character and myself. Or I will create an imaginary Caruso, or Howard Hughes, or Marco Polo. I know it sounds weird, but if it works, then why not use it?

~~~

February 12th, 1975
(L)
Comment. When I got back I want Denise to want my body at least 3 times a week from the day I get back until Feb. 19th, 1976. I want to live with her starting December seventh!
Letters to Denise: requirements –
1) Describe your situation
2) Describe the beautiful scenery
3) Effectively write her things that will make her want me!
4) 1 letter every week

Love
Today I decided to fall in love. I told Meg that I would this morning after I left the apartment. We had made love the night before. I went to Meg’s house unexpectedly in the afternoon and again in the evening after work. By the evening we had both fallen in love and declared it was so. I told her that I wanted to see no other girls; I have many ideas of what I want this relationship to become.
Au revoir. Green Hanab

February 13th, 1975
(L)
This was one of those unusual days when I do not kiss, hold hands or make love to a girl. I felt kind of funny when I went to sleep tonight.
My car broke down and I phoned Meg & asked if I could sleep over at her house. She had an excuse so I slept over at Rob Hall’s. I got a funny feeling tonight that everything is not all right with Meg & me.
Star wants to travel on Eurail with me during the summer. I think I want to live in France next year.

February 14th, 1975
(L)
Wine, Women, Song
Today was an absolutely delightful and unfortunately I did not go to bed until 4 am this morning. Whew! I went to Mike Taylor’s house and drank wine. Pam came by & we went to dancing class, came back & she actually drank 2 full glasses of wine which got her drunk. Unusual girl – she is so defensive. She says she figures that I have enough going on the side for her to feel safe with me. Went to Juanita’s after Pam left. Got laid, more or less.
Correction – I had an exciting incident w/Nuria Thursday – held hands.

February 15th, 1975
(L)
Boring day
Sent Meg Valentine yesterday. It came today – the break, I mean. She broke her date with me. She is off her cloud. I didn’t even kiss her goodbye. I told her I was going to see other girls. It was a break in the romance. She says she will call me, but it feels as if it is over. I had been right! I’ve got some special thoughts on this one.
Went to party. Didn’t even try to pick up a girl. Talked to Star. I will see her tomorrow. Something has to break romantically. I have to really start doing homework. Sun Kaku restaurant with Mike.

February 16th, 1975
(L)
Oral sex.
Missed church this morning. Spent the day preparing my car for the flea market. Went to Star’s house in the evening. Fantastic time! I went to see a Kung Fu movie with her. Got back at 12:00 midnight. Then, it happened! We were undressed and kissing and Star and I started to have oral sex! It was spontaneous and so much fun! It felt very, very good. Something I have wanted to do for a long time. The only thing wrong with it was every once in a while her teeth would get into the way and hurt me. So much fun!

February 17th, 1975
(L)
Today was a holiday. I had a great day with Star. We went to Fisherman’s Wharf and around the City. Got dinner for 65 cents in Chinatown – one pound of noodles. Very tasty. We had oral sex again. After dinner and made love, but I was sexually drained I could not come.
Went home. Called Meg. I got myself in a fantastic mood by calling other friends and then I called her and told her everything was all right, that we had been silly, we were both so relieved. I went to sleep over at Juanita’s. Told her “no” five times but finally went over. She thinks she is pregnant. What a mess.

February 18th, 1975
(S)
The beginning of Optimism – I guess I’m a little upset over Juanita – she is on a bummer. I actually spent the day studying today and working hard. It feels good! Meg stopped by to say “Hi.” Also her family came in the store, all girls, and noticed me and said, “Hi.” I think they all must admire me because I put Meg in such a stir.
Tomorrow will be a fantastic day - because every day is a fantastic day. Oh yes! I am making “When you laugh, the world laughs with you – and – “all the world loves a lover” my mottos as of today. I will see Star tomorrow evening. I can’t wait. I love the love.

February 19th, 1975
(L)
Still going with Denise one year from today but the 20th I have other things to do.
Two break-ups – I made oral love to Star tonight. It was the first time I ejaculated from being fellatio-ed.
I broke up with Juanita tonight by phone. She will decide what to do with the baby (if there really is one and if it is nor merely her imagination.) I mentally broke it off with Meg today. I will not phone her again ever! I worked overtime tonight and made $5 an hour for 3 hours, which will help on my next day check.

February 20th, 1975
(S)(L)
The Power of the Eyes –
I took my paycheck and deposited every cent of it into the bank. I am going to play a new game and see if I can build my money. I set up a free beer date with Beth Hayward for Saturday right after work. I stopped by Gary’s house and he has asked out a girl. He is beginning to become a lover.
I want to include something from Star’s talk yesterday. We were talking about The Power of our minds. She has been aware of it since the age of three. She says the way to use it is to project with the eyes into the eyes of others.

February 21st, 1975
(L)
Holding Hands –
Today was a perfect day! Every day is perfect. I woke up happy and I write this with joy. I drove Nuria home from school. We were enthralled with each other’s company. I suggested we take a walk. As I ran into the age-old problem of her thinking that I want to kiss her, I changed my careful ways and became completely myself - not so deliberate but more light and free. As we sat in the park, I held her hands, my head rested against her knee. She wants to touch my hands.

February 22nd, 1975
(A)
Free Beer – Bonjour!
After work I went to Straw Hat Pizza. Beth Hayward works there. She gave me one Heineken beer and one draft beer. I watched a W.C. Field’s movie. I left. I drove home drunk, as I had not eaten food with the beer. I became angry and said these bitter words aloud, “Jeff, you are the greatest entertainer in the world and look what you do with it!” I read the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves before retiring tonight.

February 23rd, 1975
(F)(L)
A Day With Star
Bonjour! – Today I went to the Flea Market and made $38, one pair of white pants, one ring and one vial of Strawberry love oil. At five o’clock, I left the Flea Market and went to Star’s apartment. Shortly after I arrived, I took out the love oil and let her smell it. We then spread it on ourselves and kissed for a while. It was so good to kiss again, as it has been 4 days since my last kiss. Star also sucked on my dick for a while. She wanted me to stay over but I had to get home to dinner.

February 24th, 1975
(S)(L)
2 years from today I expect the light & glamour to start coming. Confidence - Bonjour!
Today I have discovered something that I will probably remember the rest of my life. That is to act appropriately despite what I feel. If I feel very uneasy there is no reason why I cannot pretend to be confident. What happens immediately is that the act becomes reality. I will project to others as a confident young man and they will respond positively, which will give me confidence. Confidence is what I have discovered.
The secret to confidence. Confidence can be practiced. It is the ability to confide in one’s own mind what one really sees and feels and yet be able to act in a way that will breed success outwardly! A fantastic lesson – one I will never forget for the rest of my life.
I fucked Star 4 times tonight and she and I had anal intercourse for the first time.

February 25th, 1975
(S)(E)
A Beginning To a Wonderful Life – I Begin Work – Day 1
Today must go down in my annals as a turning point in my life. Something has clicked inside me. I feel a glowing confidence. The following happened today.
1) Star and I will see the world this summer
2) Received $254.61 from government.
3) Made friends again with Juanita.
4) Meg is going out probably with me Saturday night.
5) I will see Nuria tomorrow.

I have saved the best for last. This morning as I gave Star a ride to school. She talked me into devoting my time to creating music, to spend time studying and playing my guitar and use my talents. I have great talent and today I began to use it… I wrote two songs today. I applied myself to my math. I have somehow and somewhere regained complete confidence in myself and today I have set my first foot upon the road to greatness. I feel as if it is only a matter of time!

February 26th, 1975
(S)
Day 2 - Today I began to practice the power of the eyes. I will be using this term, power of the eyes quite often in the following volume. It is actually fantastic, unreal, and marvelous. I cannot stress the greatness of this discovery. To practice this all one must do is look the person right in the eyes at all times when speaking or listening. Most people, I believe, are afraid to do this, but what happens is the conversation becomes locked, there is no escape for either party and one must be honest and open so the conversation flows. It takes your mind off of everything else but the conversation at hand.

February 27th, 1975
(S)
Day 3 - Power
This has been perhaps the most fantastic day I have every lived. But let me say this: that any living (career) I may do will never be at the expense of my well-being or happiness! This may sound confusing so let me explain.
When I say it has been a fantastic day I mean that it has been a day full of wonder and experience, but painstakingly beautiful. I have opened up many people today, kissed Meg once again, met a genius of high caliber, a man named Roberto, gotten a new girl’s phone number, and sang beautifully. I have discovered a new power through the eyes; I think it is called concentration. But! I fell so powerful to a point of it being too powerful, too abnormal. So as I say, if it makes me feel uncomfortable, I will simply forget the whole thing. I am interested to see what happens next. I am sure everything will be alright!!

February 28th, 1975
(L)(A)
I Kiss Pam –
I have dated this one girl for 8 straight weeks and the farthest I have ever gotten with her has been putting my arm around her waist! Big deal! Tonight we went to a bar and had a few drinks and we talked with a few girls about romance.
I told Pam and our guests that I wanted to leave and as we left I pretended to be sick and upset over the conduct and atmosphere of the people in the bar we had just left. I walked out to the car with Pam and got in as she got in I suddenly grabbed her and leaned over and kissed her for the first time!! It all happened in a flash!!

Summary
(S)(L)
I am beginning to understand many things about the operation of women. I am beginning to form ideals which will work at all times; for example, it seems best that every girl understands that I am an active male and she is not the only one. This arouses their spirit of competition. The second ideal is to be always friendly because friendliness breaks down fears, and fear is the only thing (along with a few thousand more) that stops every girl from going to bed with every guy. Now some things about myself. I am –
1) Spontaneous
2) Unpredictable
3) Affectionate
4) Unique, different and strange.

Goodnight. J.S.

March 1st, 1975
(L)
Back With Meg
Alright, I realize that I once wrote I would never again phone Meg. Well, I just have come home from a smashing date with the girl. What a time! Diary, you are the only one I will ever tell what happened. She wore a dashing red long dress to the symphony, low-cut top with no bra! Well, we parked afterwards and she wanted to talk, but I wanted to play, so we ended up playing and then talking and then playing some more. We moved to the spot where we were parked to a secluded hilltop and we undressed from the waist down. We decided we were “intimate friends” or “close friends” and that we had what was called a mutual affection for one another.

March 2nd, 1975
(L)
Favors for Fadgen
Today was spent almost entirely in the company of one M. Fadgen, for whom I performed several favors, and from whom came a myriad of offers to spend my time in the development of his ideas – such as a ride to the store, friends, and brother’s house. I went to Star’s in the evening and we went to see a fairly good Glenn Ford picture. Then we made love for the first time. Her breath was bad and because of that I didn’t really have the best time. But a fuck is a fuck is a fuck is a fuck is a fuck.

March 3rd, 1975
(L)(A)(F)
I Begin To Plan
Star and I fucked this morning. I figured for Europe 16 weeks to plan. My vacation will run for 12 weeks. If I save $1900 I will have approximately $300 left when and if I return in September.
Didn’t do math homework.
I cut school today.
Went to work.
Got to bed at 10:30 p.m.
Ate ham for dinner.
I took a new way home today from work. I am listening to a Spanish station on the radio. I had a lesson today at Tippey’s today – a good one. Studied voice today. I spent $30 on nothing in the last four days.

March 4th, 1975
(L)
A Productive Day
Today I planned nearly all my activities. I accomplished quite a lot and my day ran rather smoothly. I asked out Nuria, Pam and, oh yes, my mother. I will see Mom tomorrow, Nuria Saturday at 9:00 p.m. and Pam Friday at 6:00 p.m. for dinner and then we will go to a dance. I will spend the night at Star’s house tomorrow. I have a full day planned for tomorrow and it feels rather good to know I will accomplish many things.
Goodnight, diary, and sweet dreams!

March 5th, 1975
(L)
Juanita Phones (Admits lie.)
I am actually writing this on March 9th at 3 a.m. in the morning and I can’t really recall what I did on Wednesday night except for getting a call from a certain girl named Juanita, who asked me over. But I had to say No. She apologized for the way she had acted, pretending like she was pregnant when she really wasn’t, to which I acted surprised and as if I hadn’t even noticed her bitchiness. She appreciated my blindness. Then I went to Star’s and got laid and the rest I must save for tomorrow morning for when I wake up on…

March 6th, 1975
(L)
Hickey
Star started laughing her head off at me and when I looked in the mirror I beheld the biggest and most noticeable hickey staring back at me from the right side of my neck in the mirror. Suddenly I recalled star was sucking intensely on my neck when we were screwing. I spent today half-ashamed and half secretly proud of the hickey I could only half-cover. I told people it was a bruise but with knowing eyes and smiles they thought I was a stud. It must have been 5” long and as dark as this ink.

March 7th, 1975
(L)
Pam T
I broke up with Pam T tonight. If anyone asked her she would not be able to say why. I was quick and kind to a point that she may never realize that I broke up with her. We only kissed once. We did not have a romance at all.
She is a wonderful girl. I don’t believe in hurting anyone’s feeling for the sole enjoyment of feeling big. That is absurd. I refuse to do that. But I could not bear not being able to kiss Pam. That was enough to make me never want to go out with her again. Juanita asked me out tonight. I ate dinner at Pam’s for the 4th week in a row.

March 8th, 1975
(L)
Jeff Clymer
Today was a good day. I worked eight hours. I stole kisses from Beth Hayward and Nuria (for the first time). Nuria loved the quick kiss I laid on her. I learned a simple lesson today, which I will follow for the rest of my life and maybe for as long as a whole week. Only steal one kiss at a time from a girl. (See March 21st.) The best thing about today was that my best friend Jeff Clymer is going out to drink with me tomorrow night.

March 9th, 1975
(L)
A Sensuous Day!
Today I screwed up all the way around. I missed choir, I didn’t show up at my sister’s house for dinner, I acted like a brat with Star and I got drunk at night with my friends and did not get to bed until 2:00 a.m. the following morning! Star and I made love or whatever you want to call it on the floor of her room. We did it facing each other. She keeps saying “no more sex” right after we have had it. I keep replying, “Yes, no more sex.” Then the next time I see her, we have it again. It’s a crazy world.

March 10th, 1975
(L)
Today I Slept
I have a peculiar habit, which is most likely either hereditary or contagious. It is called burning the candle at both ends. So to make up for my late hours I slept until 4:30 p.m. Got up, make lunch. Studied till 6, ate dinner, studied till 10 and then left for Star’s apartment and spent the night. I want to do something about learning how to bring women to orgasm and how to really, really turn them on. It would be a great asset in getting them to come back for more.

Notes:
(A)(S)(F)
The power of the eyes – to use it merely look a person directly in his/her eyes when speaking to them.
I have started to work on a different project. I am gaining a slight Momentum towards the fulfilling of certain goals. I am beginning to get organized. I have made up a green binder with all my projects. Europa is what I have decided to call my trip around the world. I have figured it will take 20 months and $7000 to take this vacation.
Don’t ask me how I am going to do it because I don’t know. Right now I am listening to music, “My Fair Lady” and writing in this book. I am living now with my parents (on a hill in San Bruno, California, United States). I have my dinner prepared every night. The only problem with living here is that it takes a long time to drive where I want to go. I was talking to Star the other day and we were talking about how everyone is self-centered to a certain degree, but some more than others.
I have heard that a good and fun thing to do is to do exactly the opposite of what everybody else does. For example, if everyone else takes girls to the picture, then take a picture with a girl. So in conclusion, if everyone were self-centered, wouldn’t it be fun and good to do exactly the opposite and be un-self-centered. I don’t know. It’s an idea.
In the month of February I fucked 13 times in 28 days, or rather 13 out of 28 days I had sex.
My father is now involved in a lawsuit in which he is suing for $20,000,000. I don’t think he will get half of it.
Summer is 14 weeks away now!
I am going to sign off now. I am beginning to form habits of success. Girls have helped me build up my self-esteem. I love you all, people.
Goodbye, Jeff Shea.

March 11th, 1975
(L)(S)(E)
A Productive Day
Had sex with Star this morning – right on schedule she said – NO MORE SEX. Meg will see me Friday at 7:30 p.m. I think I will invent a law of contradictions, which states something to the effect – “Pay no attention to one’s words, but rather to one’s actions.” Because it seems that girls are always contradicting themselves but if you make love to them all their words don’t count.
I figured out assignment 12 in Math, got out of a French test, Meg’s dog died today and she phoned for consolation. Will see Juanita Thursday. Practiced voice today.

March 12th, 1975
Friends – Time Heals All Wounds
Somewhere in the hills of California on the night of March 12th, a great thing happened. Green Hanab was officially reinstated amongst his friends Tom and Jeff C. Do you know how good it feels to have best friends. It feels great! We were all drifting apart for some time but we got together last night and finally healed up old wounds. I feel better tonight than I have in, literally, years. Everybody was my friend during the day today. Back to the female sex tomorrow.

March 13th, 1975
(L)
Thursday
My Mom invited me out for a lecture today but I had to say “No” because I had a date with Juanita. Juanita and I talked for a while and then we fucked and when she had come we had to stop, but I was still awfully horny. So, I must make a confession here. I jacked myself off with my rubber on until I came because I could not stand it. I was really horny. Juanita cooked two big sandwiches for me and made a big glass of Tang afterwards!!

March 14th, 1975
(L)
Thwarted
My date with Meg was thwarted early tonight. We started out at her house having a real fun time. I started kissing her and let me tell you she is sweet! But she said that she got nervous when I started kissing her and that when we had kissed for a while, she was getting “worried.” She loves every second of it, though. She can’t help herself. She needs time that is all. She doesn’t understand my affection for her. Her sister got drunk and I had to leave because of a big family crises. Went out with Cappa and got drunk afterwards.

March 15th, 1975
Party
Saturday night I got pretty drunk. This was the day that I had said I was going to give up girls forever. Part of the reason was because I had such a bad date with Meg last night. So tonight I went to a big party. I kissed one girl but it was just one of those 20 second one-timers. At any rate, I will see Star tomorrow so that will be a relief. I am just getting sick of chicks in general, having to put up with their moods.

March 16th, 1975
(L)
Stoned
Today was not a good day at all. Me and Star went to the Flew Market and some hippies offered me a joint. So I smoked some of the dope and got pretty high. It was really a weird trip. By the time I got back to Star’s apartment, I was in an awful mood. I had been the whole day. I must have fucked Star three or four times. It was neat. Then we took a long walk. I kissed her public for the first time.
I was in the lowest mood that I have ever been in for a long time. I was really getting scared of myself.

March 17th, 1975
(S)
Creatively Unhappy
There is a book, which I have been following to make me more effective. It said it would make me creatively unhappy. And today, after a year I have reached that state. I am unhappy in one sense and happy in another. I, all of a sudden lifted my own spirits and started being positive. I am feeling great. I am doing many things and being productive. I might ask out some good-looking girls this weekend. I feel some power in my being and would not be surprised if I began to accomplish a lot in the next month.

March 18th, 1975
(L)(F)
3 Dates Set Tonight
Tonight, starting at 10:30 p.m. I got on the phone and made dates with girls for Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday, which leaves Friday and Saturday open. I dropped in at Meg’s today and left her a note asking her out. I will see Star tomorrow and Juanita Thursday and Nuria on Sunday.
I had a Poly Science test that I bullshitted my way through this morning. There were 700 pages of reading in its preparation of which I read 15!!!

Notes:
(L)(S)
I have begun to realize that I don’t have to know how a car works to drive it, same thing with people. You don’t have to know exactly how someone’s mind works to make him or her your friend, or to take her to bed.
A smile is something understood in every language. Friendship will always communicate itself. I have often heard that the simplest way is often the most ingenious. Friendship cuts down all ties for as long as it persists.
I love women as a whole. I realize that they can control a man’s destiny, bring him infinite joy or sorrow. I give to them everyday in return for the wonderful gifts they have given me. I show my respect, admiration and love for women who have made me respect admire and love myself. I work diligently at the practice of making women my friends because I know that in them I will have true happiness, and the only happiness on earth. That is love.

I will never again give up the pursuit and admiration of women, the caring, understanding and having fun with them. I will express my love for them openly, knowing that in this they will realize my feelings and reciprocate them. I realize that a man may have millions but if he does not have a woman, he cannot be happy. I know that the straight road to happiness is to phone three or four girls and set up dates for a whole week ahead of time. I love women.
I realize that the road to true freedom and courage is paved by loving women. As long as a well-treated woman is at your side, a man can do no wrong. I love women.

I know that to have faith in women is to have faith in all one’s endeavors; to have trust in women’s egos is a wise thing to do.

Jeff Shea

(S)
Note: How to feel fantastic in 20 minutes. Take a super suggestion for supreme confidence. And make it a good, deep one. It works absolute wonders. Supreme confidence is important. It would be a fantastic idea to take a little time every day to make a deep deep deep suggestion. In this manner, I will be in touch with my subconscious at all times. And that is a great way to live.

March 19th, 1975
(S)(L)
Fantastic Night With Star
Tonight was extra special. It was as if I became a Man tonight, as if some feelings and emotions sprung fantasies about the opposite sex that had been dead since childhood all of a sudden came alive again. It was as if all sorts of instincts that were lost suddenly came to me in their entire beautiful splendor.
I got mentally excited and pleased and soothed by the sight of her big breasts. I felt so much like a man; it’s as if I had never known what it is to be a true man. It was a great new feeling.

(L)(S)
Note: Do you know if I did not feel guilty about anything I could probably do thousands of new and exciting things. For example, if I didn’t feel guilty about hurting girls’ feelings I could probably have a date every single night of the month. It’s not because I have to “prove” myself or because I am trying to outdo anyone but it is just plain fun.
Some guys feel so guilty about past failures with a girl that they are not able to outgrow them and make life what it can and should be. I say from experience that the more affirmative a person, the more projects one has and the busier one is, that more healthy and pleased and happy is his mind. Most people waste away their lives worrying.
The antidote for worry or fear is action.

J. Shea

March 20th, 1975
(L)
Thursday - Juanita
I went to Juanita’s today. I got in an argument with Star this morning kidding about not having sex anymore with her. The kidding got out of hand. I’ve got to remember to smile – to keep the kidding friendly and not to get too personal in any kidding. Went to Juanita’s. She had a small dinner all ready for me. We went directly to bed and I wasn’t exactly really forward but she got so turned on that I had to oblige her. She came at the same time I came to orgasm, which is a first. She has finally started to kiss me, which for some reason she didn’t do before but she does now.

March 21st, 1975
(L)(S)
Goodwill Day Pam T. (Kissed Meg Today)
Today was nearly monumental. Besides feeling truly better than probably ever before in my life, I jumped a hurdle with Pam, sitting out in her car. I started to molest her all over. She rejected me time and time again. But I laughed all her rejections off. It was terribly funny. Try as hard as she might, she gave into my good will. Then we talked.
I explained that we were friends above all and that our sex had been getting in our way. So I told her never to be polite about it with me and never to feel guilty about rejecting me. At the time these were the magic words. Persistence pays off, let me tell you. I am now to the point that when we walked downstairs and I grabbed her, we were able to laugh it off together and she didn’t feel guilty.

(S)
I am beginning to become effective more and more every day. I went into a deep depression four days ago. I got myself out of it by talking to myself – literally being logical about life and such. I also have been seeing life objectively, which is good. Life is a comedy when you are not afraid of yourself or life.
I have been talking to myself when I drive in my car. It is like talking to a best friend who helps you make decisions, who takes away the fear of doing greater things than I am used to, who challenges my old habits, who lecture me on my failures and compliments me on my success. If I have something on my mind I talk it out until what I am saying sounds logical.
I kind of want to limit my drinking because last week I drank for six days in a row and then wondered why I felt so depressed afterwards! No wonder.
I can talk to myself about how great I am going to become. And believe me, it feels inevitable that I will become famous. And do you know how that feels to know your own destiny and to know it will be sweet! It is the best feeling one can have. And I will receive it because I have asked for it.

(L)
All one has to do to make any woman do anything at all that you want her to do, without taking advantage of her, is to exercise her free-will in favor of you, or to exercise her freedom of choice in your favor!

J. Shea

March 22nd, 1975
(S)(A)
A Day Without Girls Is Like A Day Without Sunshine
I didn’t kiss a girl today. I really wish I had but I didn’t. I want to see if I can see Star tomorrow to make up for it. Next week is Easter vacation. Jeff Clymer and I will camp out on Tuesday night and shoot rifles on Wednesday. I might go out with Nuria tomorrow. I have set up adventure for Wednesday. I am a man who gets his inspiration from life – from romance and adventure.
I put my arms around Chris Clymer today and she leaned on my knee. In the middle of a game called Risk.

March 23rd, 1975
(E)(L)
Sunday
I spent the day today more or less fooling around and not getting anything specific done. I went to choir and then home. Bullshitted with the men for a while. I went over to Mike Taylor’s house for dinner at seven and then we took our guitars to The Cannery in San Francisco and walked around the docks. Then I went to Star’s and Mike left.
I had “innocent” sex – that is, pretending you don’t understand anatomy of a woman. It’s that you learn.

March 24th, 1975
(L)
Star & Car
Tonight I got my car fixed which allowed me to visit Star again. Arriving at 11:00, we must have done it 4 times all together including the morning of the 25th. I am getting so much sex, I am almost sick of it. Star and I made a treaty – no more sex until the 25th of April. In the morning of the 25th my voice was terribly low and manly (not that it isn’t always manly) and I think it results from so much sex.

March 25th, 1975
(A)
Clean Drunk
I got up so late today that I barely had time to do anything for myself till after I got off work at 6 p.m. After I got off work, I raced to Mike Taylor’s house and invited him along on our trip. At 9:00 p.m., me, Mike, and Jeff left for Pinnacles State Park, arriving at about 12 a.m. On arrival we drank one fifth of Canadian Club between the three of us and got so drunk that I was fighting and wrestling with those guys until about 3 A.M. and finally we went to sleep.

March 26th, 1975
(A)
Pinnacles – The Best Day In Years
Today I lived more fully than I have in years. Let me catalog the events of the day.
1) Wake up and wash
2) Three hour hike through and on top of Pinnacles and Caves
3) Went shooting .22 caliber rifles with friends
4) Jeff C. killed a squirrel
5) I hit a target
6) I cleaned a squirrel pelt
7) I had a fantastic meal for $1.85 in Hollister
8) Went to a party at Joe R.’s house
9) Went for a swim and a sauna
10) Went to Taylor’s for soup and sandwiches
11) Slept over Mike’s house
12) Invented a new kind of party.

March 27th, 1975
(A)(L)(F)
Another Full Day, I’m On My Way
I made up my mind that on the 16th of June at 12 noon I will be at the corner of Powell and Market Streets in San Francisco with my pack and down sleeping bag (that I shall buy), 3 changes of clothes, toiletries and whatever money I can get by that time. This is final. I am going! I kissed Star under bushes in Oakland today. I visited Nuria tonight and asked her if she wanted to go to S.F. with me and Mike Taylor on Saturday night. She’s coming with us. Kissed Nuria’s hand tonight as usual. I am going to sell 500 books at $10 a copy and make $5000 to go to Europe.

March 28th, 1975
(F)(E)
Work For Dad - Home
Today I worked for Dad. I made $15.00. My sister said that when my book is finished, she will edit it for me.
I came home in the evening and worked hard on my book. It is something I really want to finish. I don’t know how I am going to do it but I am going to try to finish it. I think I will start having no money around the house so when the Fadgens ask me for dough, I won’t have any around for them to borrow. Bonjour! And good luck with the girls.

March 29th, 1975
(F)
Work, Meg, Night Out With Pam
I worked 8 hours today. I am going to quit my job as soon as I collect on the Health Benefits. I went to Meg’s house today; she seems awfully depressed generally. I guess it’s only when she sees me; maybe it’s all the time. I went over Pam’s today. We are getting to be better friends all the time. I asked her if she wanted to go to the Pinnacles with me and she said, “Yes.” So me and her might go camping. She says she is learning to be possible from me. No sex with her.

March 30th, 1975
(S)(L)
How To Turn A Hurt Girl And Guilt-Ridden Girl Into A Happy One
The antidote for guilt is affection and generosity. The antidote for hate is love. Star has been bothering me lately but tonight I kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed her and all bad feeling, all guilt seemed to disappear. I was told once that you should never b¬¬¬___ a woman. Well last night Star was getting bored but I immediately started kissing and hugging her at 100 miles per hour and she very quickly got hot and horny. So remember next time when she starts getting negative to show how much you love her by hugging her and kissing and holding her intensely and often.

(S)(A)
Last night I was stunned by the events happening to me in my city. Yet I understand that something more horrible happened in London. Something more wonderful in Paris. Something more shocking in a South Sea Island of Marcus. Someone was hurt more in China. Someone’s ideas were happier last night in Turkey. And I understand how that what happened here is of no consequence and I must travel.

On June 16, 1975, I, Jeff Shea will stand at the corner of Powell and Market Streets in San Francisco, California, United States, with my blue pack, 3 full changes of clothes, a warm down sleeping bag and all the money I can gather and set out for Lisbon, Portugal.

J. Shea

March 31st, 1975
(S)
It’s Not What You’ve Got, It’s How You Use It!
The antidote for fears is action. The secret every success ever had is the ability to use effectively whatever asset he/she had! There is no other rule for success. If this is true then someone should be able to steal all my good and I should still come out on top. This means that if I want to become a success I am automatically free of failure no matter what happens to me, or no matter how I act, which is the catalyst of what happens to me. I can make innumerable mistakes, for fools make mistakes but wise men make amends. (That sounds right!)

Who knows what the pages will hold after June 16!!!

J. Shea

April 1st, 1975
(S)
I counted 23 April Fools I pulled on people today! I ran into my French class and yelled, “Fire,” and everyone looked at me and when I knew I had caught them off guard, I politely (said) April Fools. They all laughed including the teacher. I was asked by two girls today to a dance Friday night and I will see Nuria Saturday. I quit Saturday from my job hopefully. I see Star tomorrow night. I have discovered one thing which it seems I have to discover over and over and over, that no matter what, riches may be outwardly promised by miserable men, my soul is worth a hundred times more. As soon as I lose that I am dead. But I am happy now!

April 2, 1975
(L)(S)
Gigolo
Right now it is 8:30 a.m. and I am going to do the following: a typical evening in the life of a lover. I am going to call my girlfriend Star and set up a date for this evening. Then I will call on Donna because I’ve got to help her get her car out of a bad predicament. I might spend an hour or so with her and then I will go to Star’s. I quit my job at Lucky’s today. I think I will become a gigolo. You know it is true, men talk a lot, so do I; I wish I was screwing more girls right now.

April 3rd, 1975
(E)
Solo
Today I am affirming things, which I will forward me in pursuit of my goals. I have been asked to sing a solo in front of the church congregation on Sunday, probably 200 people. A girl in the choir, Beth Hayward is my next victim. I am (going) to try, but I want to see if I can fall in love with her in the coming months.
I just got a good idea. I was only kidding when I said I was going to become a gigolo. But I was just thinking that perhaps I could advertise in the Berkeley Barb as follows: “Charming, good looking 20 year-old college student, male, blonde hair, seeks reasonably generous women 26 and up to go to bed with. I am a good lover and a very personable young man.”

(S)
Note: I can see my future before me and it looks bright, everything going my way and I know how to keep it there. Dyna/Psych™ actually works. Success feels good. I have only one problem and that is impatience. I can see the changes that will happen and I want them to come oh so soon. – I am such a good man and I have such a technique with women!!!!!

J. Shea

April 4th, 1975
(L)
Rochelle
Tonight I was picked up by a cute little girl named Denise. I was at a party of 5 people, 3 girls and a guy named Loren and me. Rochelle, a friend of mine, picked up on Loren and Denise casually picked up on me. I can recall staring at Denise’s tits in our school library when I had the good fortune to be introduced to her. She got me a little drunk and we began kissing in the room. Then, later, we were lying down in the stairwell necking and heavily petting. I think she wants to screw me. Her phone number is 591-****. I will call her next week. I will also phone Meg and see if she wants to come along with me to the symphony.

April 5th, 1975
(F)(L)
Nuria
Today was my last day at Lucky’s. It was great because everyone that I told it was my last day to seemed so concerned and they were all so very nice and sweet. I imagine some people were glad to get rid of me. I went out with Nuria today. She is such a sweet, clever and sexy woman. I could tell that she wanted to kiss me, but the barrier being what it was, it would never happen. But it seems that I am lately getting so relaxed around girls that everything falls into place.
Well, she said, “My hands are so cold,” so I held them and later on, when we were in her house, she laid out on the couch and I leaned over, swept my hand over her waist and as I reached down she leaned back her head and said “Oh, Green!” But I smacked [i.e., kissed] her soft cheek as I lifted myself up. She said, “That was nice.” Then later as she was going to say, “Goodnight,” (I sleep downstairs) she leaned next to me to turn off the light and I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

April 6th, 1975
(E)(S)
Solo - Grammy
My solo today was absolutely terrible in church, but to make everyone feel comfortable I told them that I was great, upon which point they humored me, and we were all happy. But I bet, when I prove my ability to sing a good solo, Jim will let me sing another one, and I bet it will be right before I leave for Lisbon.
I had the most fantastic dinner tonight. I had roast duck for the first time. The reason I am writing so small is to fit all I want to say on a page. Things are happening so fast. I cannot believe the fate that new changes are occurring to me. Let me list what has happened.
1) Got a girl picked up Friday night
2) Quit work Saturday
3) Had a good dinner tonight
4) I got a great idea for a raffle from my Aunt Mary 5) I am going swimming with my foxy cousin tomorrow
6) I am going to Europe this summer
7) I am not going to school next year
8) I’ve got a good running car
9) Nuria kissed me last night
10) I am living in a home again
11) Jeff Clymer and me are friends again.
12) Dyna/Psych™, this book I am reading, really works.

What about school?????

April 7th, 1975
(S)(L)(F)(A)
Raffle, Sally, A-, Nuria, Denise, Clymer
The antidote for depression is a female’s love. Hello, today I woke up and fucked Star. Then I ran out of gas on 101. Then I got back my Poly Sci test. I got one of the two A’s in the class. Then I printed 2000 raffle tickets. Then I went swimming at the Marines Memorial Club and I met my foxy cousin Sally there. Then I came home and ate dinner. Then I talked with Jeff J. Clymer and we are going to Russian River tomorrow with his dog Black Jack in my car. Then I phoned Denise. I will pick her up at 7:00pm on Saturday night. Then I phoned Nuria. I will see her at 6 o’clock Friday night. I am writing this with my Sister’s pen. I spent $30 today, which is exciting!!!!!! I want you to read in my “notes” for this day because I am going to discuss my psychology. BONJOUR!!!!!!!

4/7/75
(L)(S)
I am a great handler of women, as we shall see in the future. Things are happening so fast. The last two weeks I have been talking to myself, improving myself with every word, understanding myself. I can hardly believe the turn for the better that I have taken. I have won my father’s confidence. And yet I am not happier. And what are acquisitions without human love. I must love other humans to be happy. But I am really becoming a “cool cookie.” I am progressing steadily.
Let me list the things that are happening. Actually, I am extremely happy. I see myself as a very satisfied young man! Very happy, loving and free. The whole road to my acquisition of $1,000,000,000 is like a game to me. In many ways, wealth is absurd. So I will possess a kingdom, but big deal!! Easy come, easy go! I will make things simple. I refuse to sacrifice to get there. I will be my own happy self all the way to the top. I am great, and I am truly a profound genius. This I know and it is only a matter of time.

April 8th, 1975
(S)(F)(L)
Tonight I Talked With Jeff
Tonight I talked with Gary and Jeff. I hugged Jeff’s sister Chris Clymer. I took a French exam, which was surprised upon me, but I had luckily studied the very thing upon the examination right before the class. I missed 2 ¼ points on a 25-point test and got an A-. I am beginning to do really well in school. Jeff Clymer and me got drunk tonight. We drank about 2/3 of a bottle of Canadian Club whiskey. Felt like a profound genius tonight. I told Jeff about Dyna/Psych™.
I almost got picked up by a woman tonight. We were at a bar and she was touching me and paid me a quarter to kiss her. I would have tried for a screw but her bother was there and I didn’t want to get in trouble.

(S)
I just made a great mistake on purpose. I phoned the City of San Bruno and I started demanding that they give me information on a certain subject of raffles. They gave me a run-around, began lying through their teeth and were belligerent, unhelpful, etc. I was very steady in my demanding. I acted pompous, etc. What a dreadful mistake! When I think of the reactions I could get out of people every day by acting like a tyrant! How awful!
But I tell you something! I am almost sick of being such a nice guy when all people do is tell you No.
I saw an ad for a book called ‘Winning Through Intimidation’ and I thought I would try it out. I’ll try anything, so I tried intimidating people, and what an awful reaction I got! To think of the shit I take and the rejection I take every day, in slight ways. I am not even aware of it. But I have learned my lesson. Only one note though.
I got my way. I found out what I wanted to know by challenging them! But I don’t want to know if I have to challenge everyone. Therefore, I have learned my lesson and I am resolved even more not to ever hold any hard feelings against anyone but to rather be even more friendly in the future, to even more accommodating not only for the great success it will bring me in time, but for the great human love and inspiration it will give me every day of my life. I feel terribly guilty about having been so mean. I hope I can avoid it in the future and be a nicer person and make up for what I have done. I need everyone’s cooperation and the best way to get it is to cooperate with them.
Note: Denise says I worry too much. Think about it even though she may just be intimidating you, people, and especially girls love to intimidate you.

April 9th, 1975
(L)(A)
Russian River
Phone Mary Ellen
I just got back from Russian River. I learned a new occupation - it is called, “Lazing around” – by my best friend J.C. We practiced this for ½ hour today. You do absolutely nothing. We met 4 girls who live on River Road, Guerneville, who invited us to stay there the next time we come up. I am going to Star’s tonight. I would go to Juanita’s but she is a lousy lay. I have to get a haircut.
Jeff and I had a great time. We are taking another trip in 2 weeks. We asked 4 ladies in S.F. if they would go to bed with us. We got 1 No, 1 How much money do you have, 1 I would but I just got married, and 1 You’re a freak!
Goodnight.

April 10th, 1975
(L)(E)
Star Will Get An Abortion
I talked this morning with Star about her having her abortion, but I was cool about it. I did not bring it up, I let her and when I thought I should say something I acted on my instincts until she asked me what she would do in my situation. I said that I would get an abortion and try to think of some way to prevent having a kid in the future. I am going to put my unconscious computer to work on how to solve Star and mine’s problem in keeping her un-pregnant. I am really, really tired tonight. Ever so much I have been singing out real, real, real loud lately and my voice is improving. I need some compliments!

April 11th, 1975
(L)
Ballet & Juanita
Tonight for the first time I think in my life, I went to the ballet with Nuria. She wore an off-white chiffon robe that was absolutely smashing. I was proud to be seen with her. We didn’t kiss or anything, although I had the feeling a few times that she was trying to give me a hint.
I was so disappointed that after I left her house I ran back to it and asked her if I could use her phone. I called Juanita and on the way over I made the determination that I wasn’t going to waste any time. And I didn’t!!!!!!

April 12th, 1975
(S)(L)
A Girl, If You’re Not Careful, Can Control Your Potency, Impotency, Worth Or Degradation!!!!!
Tonight I went out with Denise for the first time. This is the girl I had kissed last week at a party. I know she is horny. (Girls are so tricky!!!! Never forget it!!!)
Well, seeing her nervousness, I came on ever so strong! (Remember, if they are nervous or cold, it is often because they are putting up their best defenses in the beginning due to their weakness.) We ended up naked in bed and for the first time in 8 months or so I didn’t get immediately hard! (We were drunk!) She is pretty good looking. Well, she talked about my “impotency”, but never caressed my balls. She can’t trick me! If she wanted to fuck badly she would have seen to it that I got hard. I think it’s largely the girl’s own volition to turn the guy on and off. We stayed up talking until 4:30 in the morning, because she didn’t want to leave me. I think she is getting apprehensive just like Meg. So I will do the opposite of what I did with Meg and call her tomorrow.

April 13th, 1975
(L)
Back To The Drawing Board
I gave Denise a phone call today and slept until about 5 p.m. because I was so tired. After I woke up, I phoned Denise to see how she was. There was a reason that I did this. There were a great number of similarities between these 2 girls. They both suddenly fell for me. Both of the 1st dates with these girls I almost went to bed with them. So with Meg I didn’t phone her for 3 days afterwards and she had too much time to worry. I wanted to try something different. I found the same reaction with Denise. She is uncertain of herself.

April 14th, 1975
(F)
A Great Miracle
Today is a cornerstone for the future for the next 6 months. I went to my dearest, most wonderful Grandmother’s house and after I had eaten ½ of a delicious repast I asked her if I could borrow some money to go Europe and she asked me all sorts of questions concerning my trip. Then she told me that she had some money saved up for me that she was wondering what do with it. She said she would give me all/ or part of it for my trip. I think it is $1000 approximately!!!!

April 15th, 1975
Math, Homework, Denise, Hugging, And Spring
I woke up today and I had a cup of coffee. At school I met Rob Hall. We walked to the library. I hugged all sorts of girls on the way. I am popular. I went home and did 3 math assignments. I am behind in Math and I am catching up.
I made a date with Denise for Friday night at 7:30 p.m.
Today there were so many girls in my eyes that I thought it was Spring. Girls are coming “out of the woodwork” who admire me.

April 16th, 1975
(A)
Africa, Shots, Pinnacles With Pam
This morning I found out that I have to get smallpox, yellow fever, cholera, typhoid and gamma gobulin vaccines not to mention anti-malarial pills to go safely to Africa.
I talked today with Pam T. I walked up and hugged her and walked her all the way out to her car. She is dying to go to Pinnacles with me, so if her parents say O.K., I will go with her on the 25th. I will see Juanita on Sunday night. She will cut my hair. Pam has a nice looking girlfriend called Kim.

April 17th, 1975
(F)
This Is The Deal!
Long Term – Pursue Business Admin major in Fall 1976, Music minor.
Not So Long Term – Take leave June 16th at 12 noon at corner of Powell and Market, San Francisco, California with:
- 1 Pack
- 1 down Sleeping bag (yellow – black zipper)
- 3 changes of foot wear, socks, skivvies, pants, shirts, T-shirts and overcoat and head attire, sunglasses, dental care; hygiene kit, money, torch, mess kit, passport & visas, pajama bottoms, I.D card, wallet, Traveler’s cheques, Swiss Army knife.
Not so not-so long term Vacation with Jeff the night of 22nd, vacation with Pam (maybe) on April 25th and
Short term – Juanita Sunday night / will get haircut. Saturday, Flea Market, Wedding, Brad’s party
Minute term – Hall’s, Tippey, Denise, cash paycheck
Secondly term – Goals & sleep

April 18th, 1975
(L)
I Hate To Say It… but today was number 10. Tonight I screwed the tenth girl of my life. (The 10th girl, not the tenth screw). Here I will record the others (Tina, whore; Pat, whore; Dornita, whore; Star, girlfriend; Juanita, girlfriend; Sharon, girlfriend; Pat, stranger; Mary, stranger, Denise, girlfriend.)
We went to the drive-in and saw a comedy. Then we went to a secluded spot and pulled our pants down and screwed.
It worked because I was friendly, sympathetic, affectionate, agreeable, and most of all I let her take me to bed. She really gets into it! She wants me to phone her again. See notes for further info!

April 19th, 1975
(L)
God! I Am Getting Popular!
Today I did not arise until 12:30 p.m. After I arose I went to Star’s house. I screwed her about five times. I called on Rosemary quite a few times. She really is starting to like to have sex. She loves me. Before I dropped her off I had to tell her that sometimes I love her. I mean, sometimes. She really touches me. Well, anyway, tomorrow I should be getting laid by Juanita, so it will be the 1st time in my life I have screwed three different girls in three consecutive nights. I kissed Debbie Holman at Brad Fiske’s party tonight. I am going drinking with Gary Thursday at 9–10 p.m.

April 20th, 1975
(L)(A)
Today I went to the baseball game today. My brother Marc treated me and we watched the Oakland A’s win 2 games against Minnesota. I phoned Pam and we are going camping on Friday afternoon at 3:45 p.m. I am going to bring 2 rifles and a .22 caliber pistol. We are going down to Pinnacles. We will have a fantastic time. I phoned Denise and she did not seem very excited so I “called on Rosemary.” I started acting like a woman would act if she were in my situation. I said, “Well, since you don’t want to, I better go.” She protested. So, I will see her Wednesday night at 7:00 p.m.
I went over Juanita’s house this evening and she cut my hair.

April 21st, 1975
(F)(S)
Today was a little on the good side. Although my car broke down, I somehow cannot help feeling as if it was a blessing in disguise, though I cannot tell you why. I just somehow fell optimistic about the whole thing. For one thing, it is nice to see the concern other people have and for another, I can see many prospective buyers.
A bit of mere bravado – being an expert in the art of gentle persuasion, I talked my way out of a traffic ticket in the amount of $25 in front of a county judge. I made up an excellent case and talked my way out of it. He said, “I will find you guilty, but we will suspend the fine.”

April 22nd, 1975
(A)
Though today did not have much excitement, I did do one thing that I never did before. My best friend and I fixed, or rather, took apart my car, and for the first time in 19 years I removed a manifold from an engine. I got a “B” on my French test.
Today I also finished my resume, which lists all of my achievements. It is one full page, 8 ½” x 11”. Next I must procure a cover letter which will explain to my potential employers my future intentions, where I want jobs and in what area and time. I have completed another part to my trip to Europe and Africa.

April 23rd, 1975
(L)
Today I took apart my Pontiac & found out that I have a cracked head & it must be replaced with a re-conditioned head, which costs $52. I don’t know what I am going to do about it. Tonight I told Denise that I got a flat tire to explain why I was late, but that was a lie. She liked it though. The real reason I was late was because my Dad came home late.
Me and Denise had a long talk about where she stood with me. I told her I liked her, [I imagined that I was a woman… –Ed. Note] and told her I always blow it with girls when I talk about such things. I put myself in her place. She said I blew blowing it – which is a compliment.

April 24th, 1975
(E)
Today must go down in the annals of my life for my first solo stage performance. I sang in front of about 80 people. If you recall I also sang in front of 200 people in church but that doesn’t count. This is the beef, I practiced about 20 times and when I walked into recital – I was fully prepared. Despite my reservations I was confident. I sang a song called Jeala and played accompaniment on my guitar. There was one woman who seemed bored but they clapped for about 13 seconds (which is a long time). Kathi Oesterwinter said she liked it and so did Galen Marshall, the head of the music department.

(E)(L)(S)
…said it was good. And Andre said it was good and my girlfriend said it was good. I felt so good afterwards. It came to a point before the performance that I felt weird because I was not scared but rather at a higher level of alertness as if my body was preparing to perform. I think I have what it takes to be a good performer. I think I am captivating and have god stage presence. On the program it read –

Jeala…………………… Jeff SHea
Jeff Shea, Guitar

I am so proud of myself and happy. I can’t wait to perform again. I love all the anticipation, glory, etc. that accompanies performance. I left recital (I was the last one to perform) with my new girlfriend Denise. I kissed her as we left. It is the first time I have every kissed a girlfriend out in the open at school. I am proud of myself. My car recently busted down but I will overcome this obstacle. I have been nervous the last few days – I think in anticipation of this concert. It is only 1:00 p.m. I will see Denise after school.
Well, I saw Denise after school and she loves my butt and I am pretty glad to be in her company. I went over to Meg’s and found out the mistakes I had made with her. In conclusion I have tried to be more understanding with Denise. I have not tried to hustle her into bed like I did Meg (although I already screwed her once). I will probably talk to her Sunday. I am writing this in the bathtub so excuse the messiness.
Super Suggestions – I am not negative. I like everything. I will be lighthearted until the end of my days.

April 25th, 1975
(A)
I got up at 12:30 p.m. and I missed my ride this morning, plus Poly Science, plus French and a Mathematics test. I got to bed at 3 a.m. last night after I drank beer and smoked a very little marijuana. I am coming to the conclusion that marijuana probably doesn’t hurt in small doses. Pam picked me up at 5:30pm and we drove to Pinnacles, got a bottle of Tavola Red, and downed it. We were laughing all the way down there. She was telling me how worried she is that she is a virgin. Jesus Christ, let me put an end to her worries! But no way, since we are only chums!

April 26th, 1975
(A)
I spent the whole day with Pamela at the Pinnacles. Mentally I felt up for a marvelous humor, but every once in a while I felt a little physically uneasy. Well, I found when I got home that I was carrying a 102.3 degree temperature, which explains my uneasiness. I won’t tell anyone until I get over it and then I will make a joke out of it.

Today we –
1) Climbed Pinnacles
2) Went shooting
3) Went to Santa Cruz
4) Became better friends
5) Saw some beautiful scenery, and I must get up at 8pm tomorrow night!!!

April 27th, 1975
(L)(S)
The Antidote For Depression Is a Female’s Love. Believe It!!
There is nothing basically wrong with women, it is only the way they have been taught to think which is the problem. I feel that I have lost all. I have blown it in school, I have not seen Star since God knows when, I have lost my car, I am completely broke and out of a job, I have been drinking for the last three days and I have the flu. Denise is lost. Juanita won’t fuck with me anymore. Actually all this is a mere trifle. I must start again and build up my winnings once more. Anyone reading this must turn to the notes for the conclusion to this article.

(S)

From “If…” by Rudyard Kipling
If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If your can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same…

April 28th, 1975
(L)
The Real Secret Is Expressing Love To A Female’s Waiting Ears
Star loves my butt. [Love’s my butt was an expression used to mean (Loves me) A lot.] I phoned her tonight. I have been depressed and rightfully so. I have not gotten any of her love in weeks. It is enough to make a grown man cry. Love gives power, strength, mobility. Most people operate out of fear, misconceptions, secrecy, timidness. They make wrong assumptions sometimes for the worst. Here, I enter a plea to the Jeff of the following pages. Never assume any motives in the other person beyond those you have seen them or heard them show. Give them an equal chance. In fact, give them more than a fair chance every time, & it will so happen that you will immediately enjoy a more than fair chance in life. And never forget, you have never received love greater than Star’s. Support it. Love her back.

April 29th, 1975
(A)(S)
Today I spent the entire day in bed. I was trying to fight my fever. I was so depressed this morning (but I tell you, I have not been my usual dynamic self lately – I think it’s a direct result of my 102 degree fever). It is surprising that even though my outside circumstances are terrible, I have this kind of a light in my heart at all times. I am unbelievable. I am so positive about life. I can hardly believe it. I am all smiles, but the secret is that it has to come from the heart and I have a big one!
I have been reading an adventure book. The reason for the adventure sign in the corner.

April 30th, 1975
(F)
Today I missed school again. I work 8 ½ hours for my Dad and made $25.50, plus I received a $10.00 gift from my Mom. That’s $35.50 in one day. And I didn’t spend a cent. I lent my stepbrother $10.00, which is something I really like doing. I will work tomorrow with Rich Newman carrying my father’s files. I want to do the following:

1) Get money from Gram and deposited in bank
2) Spend 1 ½ - 2 hours daily on homework
3) Work every chance I get
4) Get that sleeping bag I wanted
5) Get a motorcycle 225 Endure
6) Get good grades
7) Save additional money $900
8) Live every day positive as hell.

May 1st, 1975
(F)
As it is actually May 5th and I am 4 days behind in my writing, I will merely catch up in the next four entries the events that I have procured in the last four days. And may I say in this introduction that I am rather proud of myself. I was in a terrible situation 4 days ago (on May 1st). I was out of a car (I still am) but I lived so far away from everything as to make my mobility slighted and never reach home at night anyway. Being stuck one fine rainy night down in San Carlos after seeing my girlfriend Denise, I phoned, in desperation, I might say, my old girlfriend…

May 2nd, 1975
(F)
…Juanita. By hook & crook I ended up at her place. In the morning the idea struck me to ask her if it was O.K. if I lived at her place. She said, “O.K.” after a bit of quibbling and it was decided that starting Monday (today) I should pay $20.00 for a 2 week trial period. Well, now, you might ask what is so good about this and I plan to relate to you. Juanita’s house is a five-minute walk to the train and to the freeway. It is within 1 minute of all my best friends. It is closer to school. The chance to stay at her apartment all owes to one escape from my nagging and…

May 3rd, 1975
(F)(S)
…bothersome father and step-mother, get a constant fuck – well – maybe that is and allow me once more to forage for myself in this big world. I feel like a million dollars once again although I felt like 2 cents four short days ago. If I like it here, which I will, I hope I will be allowed to stay for the remainder of the school year. I also finally have a place to do my Super Suggestions, Homework. I want and will be most happy and pleased if I can procure it, to get…

May 4th, 1975
(F)
…a brand new, orange with black seat Yamaha 90 for $300 taking out a loan, God, I will be pleased. I also want to get, for my birthday from Dad & Helen a pair of $30.00 Varneaux sunglasses. The most important and next step for me to take is to do as follows: Secure whatever money from Gammy intended me to have. I must act quickly and successfully. The only thing is, is that I am quite convinced of my power to do this. I am not studying briskly a volume entitled “How I Found Freedom In An Un-free World.” I am so pleased with my new accommodation I can hardly express it!

May 5th, 1975
(F)
Well, if whosoever is reading this has read the last four pages this following page is a good continuation.
It’s set. On Friday about 11 a.m. I will set out with my grandmother to the bank to make out my traveler’s cheques in what amount I am not sure. Over $1000 I would be floored, $1000 I will be overjoyed, over $500 I will be happy. Next, how to get a motorcycle? Right now I write this at Juanita’s on my new sleeping bag that I will take to Europe with me. North Europe - Eurail to Morocco then through West Africa Coast. God!

May 6th, 1975
(F)
Read Every Day
My life is truly great!! I have been getting upset at people lately a little. That is not to say that my friends are not great, etc. But I grow impatient when disappointment sets in. Nevertheless, I am extremely happy, this instant I am living in an ideal location with a girl. (Steady sex!) Today me and Juanita went shopping. I spent $6.00 and I will be eating like a king, that, I guarantee! You know something! I really don’t like booze. I am getting high off my ice cream. I figured out my finances today. My but I’ve figured a great system. I owe Mom $15.00. I don’t want a car. I have been reading. Please let Louell be my girlfriend.

May 7th, 1975
(F)
I went to school today. I worked today for about 5 hours. I made $32.50 in a check from Dad. I spend about 5 dollars a week on food and about $10 on rent. Even if you add $25 that only makes it $100 a month which is a pretty small price to pay for the way I am living. I want to get a brand-new, small motorcycle but that will cost me about $600. My Dad said he would sign for it. I am selling my car for $62.50. I have made 2 dentist appointments today.

May 8th, 1975
(L)
(Note from 7/14: This is a grave mistake! Not believing the other person’s sincerity. But once it is discovered it should be corrected at once!)
I am coming to the conclusion that Star has been lying to me all along which I accept, that is O.K. I mean, we all have our own lives to lead. Me and Tom Hockridge drank tonight and I phoned Star 4 times. I have phoned her about 20 times and received 1 answer. I think she is fucking Cole Crews or she wants me to believe it! How wonderful!!!! I will get Gram tomorrow and I will see Denise on Saturday.
It is all over forever with Star and I. I just hope she got an abortion.

May 9th, 1975
(F)(A)(E)(L)
Today was one of those full wonderful days. I received my passport, my certified check from Lucky’s, $800 in Travelers cheques & $200 in a note from Gam, $62.50 from Clymer for my car. I made a date with Denise for tomorrow at 10:30 p.m. I found out that I have to buy my Eurail Pass in America. I topped off the night with a six-pack of Budweiser. And may I say that I am becoming a better singer – by far leaps and bounds every day. And may I say that I feel confident, sure of victory and proud of my actions. I love everyone.

May 10th, 1975
(L)
Well, today was a perfect day. Denise & I went to the beach and the beach was absolutely beautiful. The sun was out and it was hot but there was a nice little whistle of a breeze and it cooled it off just a little. I got sunburned. It looks as if I will be screwing her pretty soon. She sure is a sweet girl. We kissed almost a million times today. It was great. I am going to see her tomorrow. She really likes me and I really like her. This is a good thing. It feels good to know love can last and never turn sour! Star is supposed to be coming over tonight.
May 11th, 1975
(L)
Today was truly a day of love! Star left in the morning. Then I hitchhiked down to church. After church I went to Denise’s and we kissed in the park and then got a ride up to my brother Mike’s house and then spent the whole day at Mike’s drinking eating and playing games. Went I got home I turned Juanita on so much that she came and I didn’t even have to hardly (ho ho) stick my dick in before she came. I’ve got three girls going now but if one should find out I won’t care. If I cared I’d be going through hell worrying!!!!

May 12th, 1975
(F)(E)(L)
I made Juanita come in a snap today!! This morning she woke and forced me to do it to her. I think I want to become a comedian. I mean when someone really laughs it is sure great. Well, it’s not very practical, but I would like to work on my humor. You know what I need?? – I need an audience. I feel better when I have a sympathetic ear. It is what I try so hard to get. I guess everyone tries hard to get one. Denise is putting the clamps on me. I will stick around awhile, for me, but – god – she makes me feel so guilty. I like her too much to break up with her.

May 13th, 1975
(A)(F)(L)
Today I went to Cook’s Travel Agency. The flights to Europe are too expensive. I must get a job and some more money, and a motorcycle and a down jacket, and some sunglasses! Then, and only then will I be set.
My financial brain is at work and God can I feel it. I have done one good thing and must do 3 more shortly. The one good thing I’ve done is to budget my money – in envelopes for specific reasons. The 3 others as follows:
1) Budget my $1080 like that
2) Budget my time like that
3) Turn my cash assets into higher cash assets.

What can I say about love other than that I have turned into an overnight success with women. (Here is a secret – I masturbated today and almost threw up with the thought of it.) I am living with J.M., seeing D.B. and of course C.T!

May 14th, 1975
(E)(F)(L)(A)(S)
Today I played around with my budget so much that I learned the real fun of having money. It is a real joy playing with something most people are afraid of! I have got $1100 in cold cash. What am I going to do? I could not stand to see it all go and be spent. I must search for my wants and needs.
I am a master of love. Don’t try to understand women and you will automatically understand them. Be flexible, hard & soft, but always maintain your freedom of mind. When friends get jealous you have to win them over. I am discovering so much good in life and so many reasons to live. Unbelievable! The prime object of life is action, not knowledge! I have got to decide exactly where I want to go, no. 1!

May 15th, 1975
(E)(F)(L)(A)(S)
Incidentally I had a good time smoking marijuana last night! Today was the most perfect day of my life! I see myself with the success-eyes of now. I am well liked and infinitely happy! I am living in a dream world. I live with Juanita by the freeway. I shop for my own food and cook and eat it myself. I have securities in the bank. Tomorrow my girlfriend Denise will take me to dinner and then I shall take her to the Hotel and we will spend the night together. In a few short weeks I will be leaving this habitat for the free world. I will journey out but I have a dream world in my heart.

May 16th, 1976
(L)
I can’t believe it!! Let me explain tonight. Denise and I went to Chan’s Mandarin Food tonight. We spent $15.00 of her money. Then it was my turn to pay. We boarded a bus and went from San Carlos to San Mateo. We bought a pint of wine and walked a mile to the Motel Orleans. We rented a room. I paid. Then we called her parents who wanted to pick her up at the party we dreamt up - we said we would have to spend the night because we couldn’t get a ride. Then she hung up on them. We went to the room. We made wild love four or five times. She blew me. I went down on her. We said we loved each other. I got home at 6am.

May 17th, 1975
(L)(E)
I woke up at 5:00 today. I immediately began running around doing all sorts of chores. God, I am in lots and lots and lots of trouble. Denise is bound to find out I don’t live at my house anymore. If she phones there once I am done for. I think I will tell her the truth, god damnit.
I worked on my Political Science report for 3 hours tonight. 12 pages of writing. I’ve got to get to bed right now so that I can sing my solo well tomorrow morning.
I played my guitar well for Juanita tonight. Night!!!

May 18th, 1975
(A)
Today was definitely a day of adventure. I went with my family over to the state collage at Hayward and they had a great big Portuguese festival. I had 4 small glasses of wine and all of the food I could eat. Afterwards I went with them to the ice cream parlor and we all had a soda.
My Uncle Donnie gave me $10 and my Aunt Betty & Uncle Frank gave me $5.00 and a brand new pair of shoes and a nice used sweater. I went over Star’s and gave her a lot of hell for not getting the abortion. Her and me haven’t been getting along lately!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 19th, 1975
(F)
Tonight I went to my Dad’s house for dinner. We talked afterwards about money and stuff. He drove me home. We sat outside Juanita’s apartment talking about things and how I went into a depression two years ago. My Dad is a really good man. Denise & I have been having such a good time together I can hardly believe it. We went down to get my International drivers license and it was so windy we almost got blown off the street. I finished my term project for Political Science 25 today!

May 20th, 1975
(F)
Today seemed to be centered around finance. It certainly wasn’t centered around love. I started playing with all kinds of money things. Like for one I discovered that I always spend whatever money I have and I decided to invest. I feel like investing some money in stocks, perhaps International Nickel. I won $2.00 of change in a card game tonight. Today is Tuesday and I didn’t have any money to put into my envelopes. My girlfriend situation is becoming interesting. I deiced to start phoning Star every night for a while. As soon as she gets her abortion, I won’t feel so obligated!

May 21st, 1975
(A)(F)(L)(E)(S)
Today was full. Everything on earth today was mine because of the way I acted. Eat your heart out & I might mention that the four symbols above are quite appropriate being as though I played cards tonight (lost $1.00) but I got a ride from Rich King (a new friend of mine!) He sold me a $30.00 tennis racket for $2.00. The best part is that when he gave me a ride home, he told me a secret.
The secret is that a friend of mine is going to receive $500,000 on his 21st birthday. He also told me about others I didn’t know who were going to receive $3 to $4 million. He said most of this is old family money – that no one makes that much from scratch unless they invent something! This is all exciting because it is my first taste of big money so close to home! I feel great! It’s right up my alley. My friend worth $½ million.
I phoned Star for the 3rd night in a row. I like her again. She loves when I phone her. It reassures her and me of our love for each other. I got the car I borrowed from my mother for my date with Denise on Friday night. We are going to go to a hotel. I see her every day. I have 3 girlfriends and I am in contact with each one daily. It is essential. I received an A-, 90% on my math test. My mathematics teacher gave me $30 worth of math books today. They are 3 nice reference books for Calculus, Intermediate and College Algebra and Geometry and Function.
I sewed my jacket today. It was an old ripped up one of my Dad’s but it is nice now. It is my warmest jacket. I phoned 8 travel bureaus today. The cheapest rate I have found yet is a $25 round-trip ticket from New York. Add to that $180 and you have $606 which leaves me $500.00 (The 180.00 is for a Eurail pass) at 4 dollars a day, 125 days that gives me a 4 month stay in Europe this summer. That ought to just about do it. I organized all of my clothes & books today after school. I feel an amazing drive, simply amazing! I have my old confidence and sense of humor back.
In a few days life will be dynamite again. Jeff Clymer also talked today about a guy down in Arizona who was given $100,000 upon graduation from High School, he spent it in 3 years, he was given a second $100,000 after he spent the first.
I talked to a man today, who said that one must think positively. He said you can’t say “Maybe I will.” He said that simply wouldn’t work. He said you must have the attitude “I will, for sure there is no doubt about it.” Practice this. It is an invaluable lesson. It is funny how events keep popping up in my life unexpectedly, which drive me on to my goals. Tomorrow I will work harder than I did today! Goodnight.
May 21st, 2:30 am – J. Shea

May 22nd, 1975
(S)(S)
All my life I have seen things differently from the majority of people. Most people see life dully and less perceptively whilst I see much more beauty and patterns in life than the average man. I am a great thinker. Two years ago my ego became destroyed! Then an only then was I able to see what I had been missing my whole life. I saw and realized how other people viewed life, so dull so unimaginative as to be pitiful – so unsure of their actions. Now each day I became more powerful again. I am over my sickness of ordinariness. I know where my path lies in life. Seeing what I have seen has picked out which road I will take. I will be just perhaps one of the greatest men who have ever lived.

May 23rd, 1975
(L)(E)(F)
My voice is improving rapidly!!
Do you know how important it is to phone your girlfriend every day?!! It is essential because of it I am in love with two girls. Right now I phone them every day.
I went out with Denise today. We went to the Lombard Hotel in San Francisco and fucked our brains out. I got her home at 4:00 a.m. She is a little sexpot. We are in love. She blew me and I ate her out. What a delight! I got hard just thinking about it. God, am I developing a wonderful personality. Every one seems to enjoy my company. I want another $1000 and an aqua-green Norton 450 motorcycle. When will I get it?

May 24th, 1975
(A)(L)
Today I went down and got my teeth cleaned. It was great but my gums hurt a little but afterwards then I phoned my uncle and he and I went swimming at Coyote Point. Now this was great!!! Man, I tell you, the water is really a fantastic sport. My uncle is a really good swimmer. He really likes to go down there. Boy, did I feel great when I got out! Juanita took me to Shipwreck Kelly’s for dinner. Afterwards we made wild love. I had steak & lobster for dinner. I phone Denise and Star tonight.

May 25th, 1975
(A)(L)
Man, my life is greeeeeeatttt!! I went swimming today and it was 10 times better than yesterday. I am in love madly. I have been for about a week. The thing is, is that it is something that has grown, like a rose. I tell you now, one of the most important things about girls. Try as hard as you can to prevent from hurting a girl’s feelings. Phone her a lot, be considerate. I don’t mean to surrender to your better judgment, but make it as if you will always try to not hurt her. Don’t let her take advantage of you too much! I love Denise. I have really been thinking clearly lately! I can’t wait to go to Europe, Africa and the West Indies.

May 26th, 1975
(L)(E)(F)(A)(S)
Success comes in strange ways. I can actually feel my brain at work making the foundation for the eminent success, I will achieve! Today my grandma lent me a book whose principles I thoroughly understand but whose substance I must study deeply and thoroughly. It is called “Think and Grow Rich”, by Napoleon Hill. I am extremely excited concerning the invaluable information I, at a glance, can conjecture that such a book holds.
My life is falling in place, very concretely. As I begin to awaken unused mental impulses I find myself acting like the success I used to be. Accompanying the good habits I have rediscovered have come old bad habits. They are easy to eliminate. From their looks I am using impulses developed at the age of 15.

~~~

5/26/75 The following is a letter from my girlfriend Denise that I think said a lot so I want to rewrite it here.

May 24th, 1975
Dear Jeff,
If there’s one thing I’m sure of, right now or as long as I’ll know you, it’s that you’ll never try to hurt me. And if I say I’d never try to hurt you, I’d be very truthful. I’ve only known you for two months now and it seems like it’s been two years. We explored one another with respect to our feelings towards ourselves. And that mutual friendship we have makes everything so neat.
It’s so unique and quite beautiful the way you and I get along. We can sit there yelling obscenities at one another and still be laughing the whole time! Our personalities are so similar that we understand (most of the time) what the other means when we say things that are usually totally unclear. Our patterns of thinking are the same too, and that really is a hard thing to latch on to between two people.
I guess I just think it’s really neat the way we two are so right for each other, at least at this Moment, and I’m happy that we are trying to experience one another.
Although I’m pretty naïve, too, I have to say this: if I have ever experienced love, I’ve done it with you in every way possible. Love is very abstract and hard to explain but I feel right when I say I love you. Love also includes respect, and I respect you.
You have changed me Jeff. I have more confidence in myself now than I did when I met you. But the fact that I was due for a change could also explain that. I feel I am on your level of thinking and living. I don’t feel dominated by you and I don’t think you feel dominated by me. There is that happy medium there within both of us.
Gee, I think everything feels just right and that’s all I can think of saying right now.

All my love and Happiness to you,
Denise.

That’s the end of her letter. Pretty good, huh! Now you know that I love her. She said it.

~~~

Let me tell you something about people. When somebody feels bad it is because their subconscious is wholly taken up with the solving of problems. When someone feels good it is because they are reaping the benefits of their subconscious works.

May 27th, 1975
(L)(A)(E)(F)
I have taken a new and important step to achieve eminent success. With the assistance of suggestions from my new book I have firmly conceived my future career upon which I shall lay the hopes of acquisition of my wealth, my mansion, jet, suit, yacht, car & vacation. I have decided to become known as the greatest entertainer in the world and as the greatest entertainer who ever lived. I shall stick with this goal for as long as it takes me to achieve it. This is what Green Hanab shall offer the world and its people in return for the wealth he desires to possess. I stand firm on this decision. I shall see it through to completion. I shall anticipate all my problems and thoroughly enjoy solving them. It will surely be a light-hearted trek. I am determined. I am sure. I am Green Hanab.

May 28th, 1975
(L)(A)
I got my shots today for Typhoid and Cholera. I got a prescription of anti-malarial, prophylactics too. Well I have some real dandy problems with Denise. I have been feeling great in one way but I have been getting negative on girls. I want to fuck Denise so bad but sometimes I won’t get hard. Bummer! And for her too! When you find a sure-fire way to solve this let me know it is really bugging me. When is Star going to get her abortion?

May 29th, 1975
(L)(S)
No problems – talked to a lot of people. I need it. I have discovered something. Do you want to feel confident? A feeling and sexually stimulated and confident?? If you are having a problem with anyone of those things my method for you might work. There are girls all around, right? Pretend as if you can see their cunts. Concentrate mentally in your in minds eye on cunts of different colors. Don’t think about anything. Just keep concentrating and wait for yourself to get sexually excited. Do this every day until the second you visualize a cunt you get turned on. This should increase your confidence with girls, your feeling and understanding of them.
This is the secret of being a Master of Love.

May 30th, 1975
(S)(L)
Tonight a wonderful and horrible things happened to me. I went to Vic McHenry’s retirement party tonight. I had a wonderful time but soon after I got bloated through excess food and drink. I turned negative. I have to get over the “negativeness in myself.” You know that every once in a while I feel this power which says, “As we realize, Jeff, all of the actions of yours have no substance, but I shall allow you the treat to become successful in the eyes of men, then I shall teach you to become successful in my eyes.”

May 31st, 1975
(S)
Saturday
The problems of my life 1 year ago have been irrevocably reversed. I am a changed man. But in the black period of my life a thousand seeds were planted, only five of which I have even watered; love, money, acting, adventure and success. I still have 995 more seeds to water and 1000 to see grown into the trees that will make me the greatest man that ever lived, but consenting vote of all the populous of the world. I made love through Rosemary tonight in a way never before attempted – in a chapel.

June 1st, 1975
(E)(L)(S)
Sunday
9:30 a.m. Choir Rehearsal
11:00 a.m. Church
11:15 a.m. to Denise’s

You might call this book a manual on formula for success with females. Female’s have basically four fears;
1) Being loved and forgotten
2) Having a man their friends won’t approve of
3) Having a boyfriend who turns out to be a bad lay
4) Themselves.

3:00 p.m. - Leave Denise’s
Listed are the two techniques when anyone of these 4 things arises –
1) Clam up
2) Turn to ice

Change the subject – make her laugh – don’t push it or agitate her.
You are to change the world. Go to a bus station, look at the people & then change your MIND.

4:30 p.m. Phone Mike Taylor
8:00 p.m. Leave Mike Taylor
5:00 p.m. Visit Mike Taylor

June 2nd, 1975
(F)
Monday
I got up at 8:00 a.m. today. Talked to Larry on bus.
10:00 a.m. Political Science – We had a good laugh today.
11:00 a.m. Mathematics - We talked about the “hanging cord.”
12:00 p.m. French – My teacher gave me almonds.
1:00 p.m. Out of School – Me and Mike Taylor worked for my Dad and then we collected a whole truckload of stuff for the Flea Market. We have got a lot of stuff. I’m seeing Denise at 7 tomorrow or Friday and on the 14th.
7:00 p.m. Bert Cava’s House. Me and Bert practically fell asleep studying. I slept over. Once we turned the lights off, we started talking about girls and got wide-awake. We talked until 2.

June 3rd, 1975
(F)
Tuesday
I only got 5 hours of sleep last night!
8:00 a.m. Poly Sci Final – The final was easy.
10:40 a.m. Poly Sci Final over.
I went to M.T.’s house after the final and we went to my father’s plant. We didn’t make much money. I went over Denise’s house this evening. She loves me a lot. She is really a neat girl. I love her a lot. I will probably write her when I leave. It was about 80 degrees outside tonight.

June 4th, 1975
(F)(L)
Letter from Denise:

June 4th, 1975
Dearest Jeff,
Tomorrow is my last day of school and that sure makes me happy. I was thinking about you and I kinda felt like writing, so this is the result.
I wish you were here right now. I feel so much for you even though I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing. I am so content in thought that it’s affecting my whole personality at this Moment. I wish there was an explanation for a reason for why I feel this way about you, but there isn’t. I just have this terrible positive feeling for you when you’re near or far. My heart doesn’t ache when you’re not with me but I wonder what you’re doing every Moment of the day, like a jealous cat. I miss you but I don’t need you around to keep me from being lonely. I enjoy every Moment we have together even the thoughts of bickering or arguing with the things I feel about you, like love, and I guess love may having something to do with this spring fever I’ve had lately!
You know something amazing that I don’t think I’ll be unhappy when you go to Europe because I’ll be happy for you. I’ll be content with thoughts that I’ll see you when you get back and that our relationship will continue on from there. Now you gotta admit that is positive thinking. So, Mr. Hanab, in less than two weeks you’re departing from my company for a long time, and I’m very sure that the last two weeks are not the last ever, I’ll see you. But only time will really tell us and you know that sometimes people have ways of telling what’s going to happen in time.
I hope you write to me when you’re in Europe and tell me how beautiful it is. I hope you meet a lot of people, have a few weird experiences and enjoy yourself thoroughly. But most of all I hope you come back. I hope you come back and I hope you are the same Green I knew and loved before he had left.
I wish you wealth, health and happiness and then I want you to give me some! It’s not true, at least I’m beginning to believe it, they say you can’t have it all, that there isn’t really much keeping you from having it all. See you. Remember, confidence is a state of mind. Bye-Bye for now.
Love,
Denise
That was some letter, huh? Bravo, Denise.

~~~

Wednesday
I got up late today!!!!!!!!!
9 a.m. Meeting at Taylor’s house.
I got to M.T.’s at 9:30 today. We worked for 4 hours collecting treasures for the Flea Market
12:00 p.m. Palo Alto Yellow Fever (crossed off)
1:00 p.m. Finish Studying for final.
I did not study at all yet.
5:00 p.m. Study for Math.
I ate dinner over Mike’s
I went to the dump and stole some stuff.
I worked 6 hours for my Dad today!!!!!! Star got her abortion!!! I’m free!!

June 5th, 1975
(F)(E)
Thursday
Move to Mom’s
9 a.m. Study for Math final - You can kiss the Math final goodbye. For sure! I didn’t get to study for it.
11:00 a.m. Mathematics final begins. Just as I suspected I didn’t know enough info for the exam.
2:00 p.m. Mathematics final ends
2:00 p.m. Study for French final. I went to my Ma’s house today. She left me $45 for a down jacket.
7:00 Choir Rehearsal tonight
9:00 Choir Rehearsal over
9:15 See Denise
Me and Denise almost got caught in the chapel.

June 6th, 1975
(L)
Friday
Today was a good day. I finally invited myself to Gemma Spelman’s for drinks. All tied down! Today was the last day at school, which is surely a Momentous occasion.
12:00 Noon - French Final. The final wasn’t too bad nor too easy.
2:30 French Final Over. Our class went to a French party at Madame Tubb’s house.
5:00 Party at Madame Tubb’s house.
7:00 Party over
7:00 Picked up Denise
She looked good. We had a fantastic evening of loving at my Ma’s house. I was in a bad mood on the way home.

June 7th, 1975
(L)(E)(F)(A)
Saturday
Flea Market – Mike Taylor & I sold $120 worth of goods at the Flea Market today. We have earned $260.00 since Sunday June 1st. That is $130 for me. Denise made me a fantastic dinner tonight. I ate like a slob. She and me made love a few times. What joy!
I was also invited to Cho’s for dinner tomorrow. Night at 5 p.m. Me and Mike T. have to bring steaks. I must meet Donna at 6:30 p.m. Sunday. I owe Juanita $30. I must phone Dentist about bill. I must get jacket, yellow fever shot, confirmation of shots, tourist card. E.T.C!!!!

June 8th, 1975
(F)
Today Mike and I made $450 at the Marin County Flea Market. I am worth once again $1250. Tonight me and Mike had dinner over at Cho’s house and her sister Nancy ate with use. We ate out by the swimming pool. It was a nice dinner and we had a long talk about romance afterwards.
Mike and I went out and collected Junk after we left Cho’s.
We went to sleep laughing after a talk about girls at 5am.

June 9th, 1975
(L)(F)(A)
Today I got up at 10am and Mike and me went to San Francisco and picked up our check for $125. Then we went and bought me a down jacket. Then we looked at sleeping bags for Mike. Then we went to get our Yellow Fever shots. Then we got me an official stamp. Then we haled out a truckload of good junk for the Flea Market.

5:00 pm - Stamp
7:00 pm - See Denise

I went over to Denise’s house. I phoned her beforehand. We took a walk and made love in a secluded place. She loves me and I love her. Things always have been and always will be perfect between us.

June 10th, 1975
(L)(F)
Tuesday - We did not get to scrounge.

9:30 am - Work for Dad. Today’s work was the shits. The total shits. Now I have definitely decided I must do something else for a living.

6:50 pm - Done working for Dad.
7:30 pm - Gemma’s. Made love to Denise on Mom’s bed. How I love her. Yes sir.

June 11th, 1975
(A)
Wednesday - I had diner at the Aquarium with Kern.

10:00 am - Get passports, etc.

Today me and Mike made a heist. 2 expensive lithographs from a pile of shit. I am seeing Peter Frampton Saturday night.

7:30 pm - Dinner with K. Richmond?

June 12th, 1975
(F)
Thursday - I have been spending money at an unbelievably high rate. I can no longer afford to be so extravagant.

1:00 pm - Look into Bank’s Distributing.
2:30 pm - Phone Uncle Donnie.
4:00 pm - See Juanita, give her $30 and have her bring her $6 for the helmet.
5:00 pm - Mail check to Kaiser.

I will start to have to carefully watch my spending.

June 13th, 1975
(S)(A)
Friday - Do you know something? I exaggerate too much! I mean if I find 50 cents I attribute it to fantastic luck.

4:00 pm - Gamma Globulin shots.
4:45 pm - Get anti-malarial prescription.
5:00 pm - Pay bills.
5:45 pm - Party with Cappa, Clymer, Hockridge, Master Taylor and Hall.

I almost make my exaggerations sound real, but it is stupid because nothing fantastic or wonderful happens every day of one’s life! Or does it??

June 14th, 1975
(E)(F)
Saturday - We got up at about 5 a.m. this morning and went to the Flea Market. We picked up Denise and her younger brother Pat. When we set up we sold $60 worth of stuff in the first 30 minutes. When we had left we had made $106.00 pure profit. We went home and split up the $400.
7:00 pm - Tonight I went to the Peter Frampton concert. He was fantastic. Everyone felt his warmth. I am excited about performing. I kept seeing myself up on that stage.

June 15th, 1975
(E)
Sunday -
9:00 am - Choir Rehearsal. I had to wake up to an elderly lady coming in the chapel.
11:00 am - Church out. Well, well – we didn’t go to the Flea Market today. I went to Gram’s and got the key from her.
3:00 pm - Buy $8 gift for Dad.
5:00 pm - Part for Dad at Mike S. and Linda’s – Bring guitar & shirt and Dad’s present. I also found out about the locksmith and he said the key is easily made.
7:30 pm - See Denise. I leave tomorrow. I feel different, quite different from the ordinary Green way!!!

June 16th, 1975
(F)(A)
Monday -

7:00 am - Pay Mike for motorcycle. Today, I begin my trip.
Return Mom key.
8:00 am - Store stuff at Grammy’s, pick up black list.
11 am - Lunch at Grammy’s.
12 Noon - Corner of Powell and Market. I finally reached Powell and Market, the starting point of my trip at about 12:40 p.m. Then I went to Gram’s for lunch. I found the key to the motorcycle in the bike. I picked up Denise at about 5pm and we spent the night at my Mom’s. We will leave in the morning!

June 17th, 1975
(F)(A)
My First Day
Well, as my first day it wasn’t too long before I decided to stay for another 2 ½ days. I went to the DMV and I had to spent and extra $28 for registration fees! Then Denise and I traveled to San Francisco only to be turned away by cold winds at 30 mph. It was too dangerous to travel so we came back to my Mom’s place and spent the rest of the day here. We will stay here until Thursday night at 6:30pm whereupon I shall bring her home and leave for either Mexico or Oregon Friday morning.

June 20th, 1975
(A)
I now lay myself down to sleep on the 20th of June 1975 somewhere in the hills near Santa Barbara. I started out from King City this morning at 6:00 am. My bike gave me trouble and some guy mostly helped me fix it. I will either completely fix it tomorrow or I will sell it to the salvage man. There are a lot of mosquitoes and bugs here. I won’t wake up with any bites. I am sorry for the messy writing but it is getting dark and I have to write fast.

June 21st, 1975
(L)(F)(A)
Spring comes and takes me there. I run the time away, time away, will you be there, when all the lights come shining through.
Made love to Denise no less than 5 times during 17th, 18th, & 19th. If you will pardon the fact that I did not make an entry on the 18th or 19th of June, I will proceed to write an account of my present situation and to describe clearly my resolute course of action. I will write this entry amidst the warmth of my own sleeping bag, as last night I made camp in an avocado field near Santa Barbara and I haven’t crawled to life again!
I first plan on the agenda this morning to shave and clean up as best I can and then, physically refreshed, to ride my motorcycle to the Bits and Pieces Motorcycle Salvage in Santa Barbara and proceed to sell my bike and equipment for a hopeful maximum of $125 and a straining minimum of $100. Being and easy bargainer on items that I wish to rid myself of I will take anything to rid myself of this mechanical monstrosity, though there is little wrong with it, for I have little taste for metal working. Then I shall proceed as directly as possible to Mexico.

July 1st, 1975
(L)(A)(!!)
The reason I did not write in this book during my trip to Mexico was because I had left my diary in San Diego for safe-keeping. I will sum it up quickly now (10/2). I took a bus 1000 miles to La Paz, spent 2 days in the sun and slept on the beach. I met many Americans. Then I went by boat to Mazatlan, where I stayed for almost a week. I met even more Americans. I smoked Marijuana, went to the beach every day, ate like a king, and learned to body surf & I almost had a romance with a girl. I re-learned Spanish and forgot it once I left Mexico. I met a Mexican salesman who told me about women & taught me how to sing. I took a train 1000 miles to Arizona and hitchhiked in the unbearable heat of the Arizona desert. I was very uncomfortable & no one was giving me a ride. I was anxious to get back to San Diego and then this night the woman picked me up and the story is related here.
Tonight it happened, man! I have been looking for a piece of ass for 2 weeks. It finally came to snatch me from the jaws of an unpleasant situation. It happened like this:
I was hitchhiking at 11:00pm in a very poor place in Arizona. I was picked up by a young lady with two kids who was at fist scared of me and finally let me in her VW van. She had a cooler in the front seat and told me to get her a beer and told me to take one too. I told her I’d wait awhile because I wanted to recover from the shock that I had received from getting a ride from someone like her so late at night.
Right away she started trying to get the message across that her two little girls were not supposed to know that she had picked me up. They were in the back. One was asleep and she told the older one to go to sleep too. She said, “Honey, this is Green. Don’t you remember Green?” But the little girl was too smart and said, “No Mommy.” Right away this lady started asking me a lot of questions, and when I told her that I had been singing alongside of the road, she asked me to sing. So we started singing songs from My Fair Lady.
As we sang she would make gestures, which would include putting her hand on me someplace like my neck or knee or shoulder. It was just friendly. She had long silky blonde hair, a nice face, jeans, and I knew she was older than me by a few years, I could tell that. Then she told me that I had a nice voice and (she) a bad voice and that it was the only thing that held her back from making it in entertainment. She made me give her an opinion of her singing. I told her all she needs to improve her voice is to take voice lessons.
Then she started telling me about her crazy aunt and how her aunt taught her how to dance, etc. all the time I was listening attentively and a desire to make love to her begun to overwhelm me. I could not believe how desirous I felt toward her and she was so easily and closely within my grasp. Plans began to run through my mind on what to do, spurred on by her obviously inviting gestures.
Then I spoke:
“Peggy. You would hate my guts if you knew what I was thinking.” She said, “Why, what are you thinking? I want to hear it,” with a knowledgeable glint in her eye. I said, “I have an overwhelming desire to make love to you.” Replying, “I don’t hate you at all for that. In fact, I like the thought. I was thinking that myself.”
I knew then I had made good my chance!
I said, “Peggy, this is no ordinary desire. I mean it is really uncanny. It would make my life to make it with you.” “I have been dreaming about this girl for over a month now and you’re the girl (although I never saw you before tonight.) She was smiling! She was debating!
I went on in reply to her questions about girls. “Peggy, when I make love to my girlfriend I dream of a girl. This girl is my total inspiration to make love. You are close enough to this girl to make my mind respond. It is uncanny!” Her: “So you want to make it with me, huh! I kind of like the idea. But how are we gonna do it with the kids in the back?”
We cooled the subject for a while and we listened to a tape of a play called The Happiest Girl In The World. She said she might be able to help me make it in show business. She asked which part I wanted to be in, TV, radio, movies. I said, Broadway. She frowned. She said that Broadway was the hardest to get into. Then we talked about sex. She asked me all sorts of questions, the most important of which was, “What do you like most about sex.” I told her the closeness to a female body – The togetherness! I asked her what she liked most about sex. She said, “I like to feel a cock inside of me.” She asked if I was a good lover, I said I think I am but I am not sure.
Things died off for a while. I forget why. Maybe it will come back to me. All I know is that I found myself in a fantastic and unbelievably desirable situation. Visions came into my mind on how on February 19th, 1976 I would come to L.A. to live with her and she would help me with my part in My Fair Lady and would help me make contacts with people in entertainment. I felt so in love. So thoroughly encompassed with infatuation and excitement.
She pulled over to the side of the road. She wanted more beer but we could find nothing. She was 29 years old and married. I guess that I have already mentioned that I am only 19.) She told me that red hair was coarser than light hair and pulled over to the side of the road and searched in hers and my scalp to prove it. She ran her fingers through my hair. As we pulled away she ran her fingers across my dick. I was getting in the mood.
Like I said, things died off after this. It got to the point where we were both unexcited. But I said to myself that I would surely have her tonight. I began to rekindle the unbelievable flame.
She had told me she was going to drop me off somewhere. I sulked. I told her that I was disappointed. That I really wanted her, she couldn’t drop me off, it had to be. It was so right being with her. The flame was rekindled. She said, “Where and when are we going to do it.” I said, “Here?” She said, “Why not?” Her kids were asleep. I got into the mood. Gathered my senses and put my hand on her neck, then thighs, then shirt, then tit, then under her blouse. She had the softest skin imaginable. I was unbelievably high on her. I began to caress her cunt through her pants. She caressed me although I hardly cared about that, I was so turned on by touching her!
She told me to remove my swim trunks. I slid them down to my ankles, snuggled up close and put my hands all over her body. She said, “Put them down here.” And I slipped my hand to her cunt. Then I unbuckled her all the way. She was giving me a hand job and saying how big my “ridge” was. She redirected my fingers here and there and told me to press harder and harder and here and there. She was really getting turned on. The VW bus was swerving down the highway. She kept saying, “I need your cock inside of me. Oh! I want it so bad. But I better cool off.” I laid my arms around her and drew up close to her neck. She was so pretty and fair. Her silky bra, small tits and big nipples were exciting! Her skin felt like satin. I had my hands around her ass and cunt at the same time. Then I laid my head on her legs. She cooled off and said, “I keep thinking of your cock inside me and it gets me so turned on.”
I said, “You shall have it soon!” She said that she might get pregnant if we fucked. She was coming down. I tried to be coy & reason with her. She became practical. It was getting near dawn. I was the special one. She said, “I need you!” She said the worst part about it was that she kind of liked the idea of having my baby and she was afraid she would go through with it. I sympathized with her. I tried to set up a date with her at a hotel but she was not up for it. She pulled the car over and I said, “Thanks,” indifferently and I got out of the car. I walked to a slope in the grass hill 1 hour before dawn and laid there incredulous after she had just left, at the wonderful thing that had just happed to me! She was going to La Jolla.
After this I picked up my belongings and hitched to Santa Barbara, after I phoned Denise, sold my motorcycle for $100.00 and I phone Donna who encouraged me to go to Jack Harpster’s, which I did.

July 5th, 1975
(S)
Now I am going to catch us up on the last seven days.
I want to Jack Harpster’s to learn more about women. He was pinching his wife’s sister and he was getting it on with his next-door neighbor.
I was there on July 4th for Jack’s block party. I was introduced to a girl named Denise. On July 4th I ate hot dogs (3), hamburgers (2), popsicles (6), beers (10), drinks (2), sodas (5) and had a good time. I played games of volleyball (4), baseball (1/2) and lit off a few fireworks.
The next day I went to a movie with a girl named Denise (a new Denise!). We did not kiss.

July 6th, 1975
(A)
On Sunday, Jack drove me to an on ramp. On the way there, we talked about women. I arrived in Las Vegas late that night. I gambled away $5-10 in Las Vegas, took a bus to the freeway. I received no ride and so walked 3 miles in 110 degrees F weather.
I stood on the freeway and the second car that went by me I got a ride from one Marc Leftovers (who) was going to Denver. Marc was at one time a Junior Celebrity and he says he has no less than 1000 girls in his life. He is being modest.
I am writing this on Tuesday, at Marc’s house. I just made myself a 2-egg omelet. I will stay here 1 maybe 2 days. I am about 1/3 across the country. As I lay this pen down, I will pick up a map and decide where I will proceed to next. Thank you for listening. Hey, you might find out who Peggy Lytton is. She might come from a wealthy family or famous family. Lytton sure seems to be a popular rich name. (That’s the woman I fingered.)

July 9th, 1975
(A)(S)
I just completed a day at Marc Lefkovic’s house, Lafayette St., Denver, Colorado.
I woke up and did some work on my goals
I then made a breakfast of steak and rice.
I visited the Denver Museum of Natural History. God, Denver has a lot of nice looking girls!
Last night I saw “Young Frankenstein” and tonight I saw “The Return of the Pink Panther.”
I smoked some marijuana last night.
Tomorrow I will leave.
I am going to try to map out my mind. Sound interesting?

Caption (to the following two entries): See what happens to a mind when it doesn’t receive love.

July 10th, 1975
(A)
What exciting love adventures will happen today??
I have no idea! But I’ll tell you what! You pretend as if one has happened and I won’t tell anyone anything to the contrary. I have no idea what happened today or yesterday, mainly because it is now July 12th and you ask me to remember of piece together what happened today? Impossible!! Anyway, for the sake of ease, let us say today is July 12th and continue from there. Along with some of my favorite sayings, such as “I have never known any pain and never will know any) has…

July 11th, 1975
…come today a whole new philosophy. It can be called the Shea Philosophy or JSP. How does this one grab you? “Think after you act!” I have come to the conclusion that nothing is real. Life is not real. Swear to God! These words are not real. The reason for this? Well, everyone associates real things with sensible things, orderly things; we say, “Face up to reality!” as if reality makes any real sense. There is no logic to anything no matter how much we try to believe…

Caption (to the following two entries): See what happens to a mind when it doesn’t receive love? It becomes warped! Oh well!!!

July 12th, 1975
(S)
…There is.
Hold on! Do not jump to the conclusion that this is a negative conjecture.
Anyway it doesn’t really make any difference.
I am in Minnesota in Lengby, Minnesota.
I miss my girlfriend.
I miss fucking.
I need to brush my teeth!
I am funny! I have bee making hilarious jokes for the last five hours. I have a tremendous sense of humor. Don’t you? Read this over and develop one.

July 13th, 1975
(S)
I made a boo-boo. I wrote the last three pages on July 13 and not on July 12 like I told you. Hey, I’m sorry.
I was worrying earlier today. But Man, no way is anybody going to catch me worrying about anything. I mean Jesus Christ why should one worry. It ain’t worth it. I mean someday I’ll be dead and gone and what the hell difference did I make even if I was famous?
Anyway, a recent USDA report states that worrying is the possible cause of hepatitis!?

July 14th, 1975
(A)
Tomorrow is my birthday! I woke up this morning and there were 100 cows around the van I was sleeping in! I chased them all away with a rope lasso! It was pretty funny! I could not believe what happened this morning! We (me and Pete) took 6 eggs and 8 slices of bacon and we brought them to a little café in Fesston, Minnesota and had the lady cook it for us! It was a good breakfast. She threw in some hash browns and toast and coffee! I seem to have lost my feeing mentally but I will pull myself out of it!
After I left Marc’s house I shortly got a ride to Minnesota with a very reasonable and good man, Peter Barnes. I do not know why I seemed to go crazy as seems apparent by my writings on July 10th. Maybe it is a result of having driven his car all night and being in a new location out in the country with someone I hardly even knew! I wish I could explain this thing and may be a result of loneliness and smoking marijuana.

July 15th, 1975
(S)(A)(F)(E)
Never tell a man he is wrong. A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
I saw a beaver today! Unfortunately, it was the kind that swims around in the water! Today is my birthday! For my birthday I bought myself 300 shares of a stock called Management Assistance Incorporated at 75 cents a share! It should have a good future! It is expected to rise to $3.00 a share by September. I went fishing today! I also practiced singing today. I did breathing 10 times 10 Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha’s, 10 Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do’s, and then I sang Candilejas 3 times and each time it got better. I also wrote out a plan for the next month! The wonderful purpose of this plan is to insure my happiness & contentedness.

Notes: Due to the need of extra writing space this section for notes was created!
(1) Goals Each and every day that I follow these procedures set out for my improvement, I become more effective, better able to function without limitation.
(2) I pursue my goals free of any feeling of ill-will or animosity towards others. I am a warm, friendly, well-liked person. My success is assured and does not require me to take advantage of any other person. Rather, it obliges me to help other without telling any about my good deeds.
(3) I see myself with the success-eye of NOW. I have discarded the failure eye of my infancy. I am free at last of failure or limitations.

[Note: the above three items were taken directly from the book “A Lazy Man’s Way To Riches.]

(4) I have personally owned assets, stocks and ownerships totaling $ 1 billion at all times. I have a personal supply of $100 million all of which I can gather within 72 hours to my disposal. I have an annual income of exactly $50 million in cash that is paid on a monthly basis.
(5) I have personally and completely own the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany and the land beneath it. I own all the furnishings in and on the castle at the time of the purchase.
(6) I own a $75 million dollar mansion in Australia. It is 200 feet long on each side. It has 8 marble-like pillars, 100 feet high on each side, in the order and the color of yellow, violet, orange, blue, green, pine, red, yellow 7 feet in diameter. The exterior is painted in gold and white carved wood. There are 4 entrances 30 feet high and 30 feet wide. The main floor is 120 feet x 120 feet is made of thick glass. In the middle of the floor is a statue called “Inspiration.” There are 8 staircases leading down from the mezzanine. The interior of the mansion is a veritable maze of colors. Above the mezzanine, is a night colored translucent dome, which opens up to show the sky. There is a floor directly beneath this, in the form of a mezzanine, containing four observatory telescopes. The master bedroom is 100 feet x 50 feet with the bed 15 feet x 20 feet in the middle and far side of the room. The house has a 30-foot wide, 20-foot deep, marble-like circular fountain 400 feet in diameter with different warmth of water at different places, and marble-like bridges crossing it NSEW. Surrounding the fountain is a green lawn one mile square. Surrounding the borders of the estate is a 10,000-acre farm of saleable cops.
(7) I own a light blue and yellow two million dollar jet with a living room bedroom 100 feet x 45 feet. It has a multitude of colors in it. The cockpit is light blue and yellow.
(8) I own a suit made of light blue material with ¼ inch wide white 3-inch squares making a sports coat, pants & vest. I own medium cut light blue shoes, blue socks, light blue shirt, blue tie, a light blue, one & one quarter inch belt, with a small silver buckle with the initials G.H., a light blue hat and a silver pocket watch, with a chain.
(9) I own a 100-foot x 45 foot oceangoing yacht. The exterior is painted in 1 foot x ½ foot patches in all colors. One floor below the deck are the four 25 foot x 15 foot cabins and the trapezoidal 30 foot x 25 foot x 15 foot master cabin. The deck is made of hardwoods with inlaid woods making a 5-foot x 3-foot Hanab insignia on the bow. The dining room, kitchen and recreation room, in that order from the bow are all located on the deck floor, with 5 good in diameter porthole windows on their walls. On the second platform is the navigational cabin. The ship is extremely colorful in all details mostly bright blues, greens, yellows, reds and oranges. There is 15,000 foot of storage space in the hull. It flies a flag with the Hanab insignia against white.
(10) I drive a brand new aquamarine Pantara sports car. It has a light blue interior, bucket seats, five inch square blue and white carpeting and dashboard sections. The 5-speed stick shift knob is engraved with the Hanab insignia on it. My car has a hard top convertible roof. It has a Sony 8 track stereo tape deck in it with 4 Fisher 8 inch speakers making an envelopment of sound for the passengers. The license plates spell Ocean.
(11) I have been on a $100,000 3-year trip around the world with free choice as to when I want to leave or go to any country in the world. I have been vacationing and studying the different cultures of the world, collecting artifacts, making friends, writing articles and taking photographs. I travel both by plane and boat. I have visited every country in the world and visited no less than 30 islands. I have written a No. 1 bestseller on my voyage. I have set up many travel plans for vacationers. I have made friends all over the world.
(12) I own a world famous World Traveling Entertainment Company and I spend much of my leisure time as a traveler and discoverer. I perform as a famous entertainer in my company.
(13) I am a master in the art of finance. I handle my own money in large quantities. I always make the right financial decision.
(14) I am a master in the art of adventure. I always have a safe return because I am careful and cautious. I always have a profitable return because I know what I ant and I am alert to seize opportunity. I always have fun because I am brave and friendly. I always chose the right adventure.
(15) I am a master in the art of entertainment. I practice daily making myself and others happy. I always choose the right entertainment.
(16) I am a master of loving women. Each and every day I find women more fulfilling because I always think heterosexual thoughts. I meet and screw beautiful women every day. I always make the right romantic decision. Because I know the right things to do and say.

P.S. Any other goals other than the 16 listed here will be listed starting December 31st and working backward. Thank you. 7/16.

(L)
At this point, although it seems even to me arrogant and egotistical, I am going to list all the girls I have had affairs with. The actual purpose besides being to stroke my ego is rather to keep my mind occupied while I am bored in the lull of the days while I am camping. I shall simply list the names and leave a star by the ones I fucked and nothing by the ones I only got close to fucking or even only kissed.
1) Janine (I was five)
2) Cathie (I was five)
3. Karin (I was 15)
4. Sue (15)
5. Maggie (15)
6. Karen (16)
7. Tina *
8. Diane *
9. Joan (17)
10. Carol (17)
11. Pam (17)
12. Miss Fry (18)
13. Meg (19)
14. Denise *
15. Christabelle (19) *
16. Juanita (18) *
17. Diane (17) * after Harpster
18. Dolores (18)
19. Diane (18)
20. Pam (Nevada) *
21. Pam (?) (19) *
22. Nuria (19)
23. Laurie (17)
24. Pat (17)
25. Peggy (19)
26. Beth (19)
27. Sharon * (18)
28. Linda (18)
29. Vanessa (19)
30. Donna (18)
31. Pat (18) (Redwood City)

There are the first 31 girls I can remember! I will leave the next two pages open for any other I think of or any others I get a hold of in the future!!!!!!!!!

~~~

A letter from me to her!! (A Masterpiece) 7/15

(L)
Dear Denise,
I love you! I don’t know exactly what love is, but I think it’s something kind of a terribly strong feeling and I have this kind of feeling for you. You are, to me, a kind of inspiration. I don’t know if you realize it or not but you are so positive that I feel good when I make contact with you, whether it be by letter or by phone or by making love to you. I am having a lot of fun, but I’ve got to keep busy and keep moving around or I’ll get restless. I hope that when I come back we can stay together and get back together. We really had a good thing going before I left and there is no sense in not keeping up with something that is so wonderful.
You are something really special in a lot of ways. If I ever need to get myself fired up, I only have to read one of your letters that I so carefully copied in my diary and (snap!) there it is, I am in a good mood. Well, Denise – you know, I’ll take good care of myself and allow myself a lot of happiness wherever I go or whatever I do I’ve got a good and strong spirit in me and it serves me well. It will serve you well when I get back too.
So, Denise, I’ll see you when I get back and we’ll fall right back in love like we were when I was there and then we will continue from there.

Goodbye for now – lover!
Jeff

(Pretty good letter, wouldn’t you say?)

~~~

July 16th, 1975
(F)(S)
Never tell a man he is wrong.
Well, today I paid for my stock, so it is now (300 shares) legally mine! I still have $650 to last me the rest of the summer. I went, and am still at the first auction I have ever been to in my life. It is absolutely fascinating! The auctioneer talks so fast you, or at least I, can’t understand him! It is wonderful! Calves are selling for $13 apiece. I think Pete Barnes bought a $10,500 – 80 acre farm today. I came across 2 old small, pretty prints that I will probably wrap and send home. It has been a full and fun day.
I have been unbelievably depressed the last 2 weeks. O.K. I have gained back my Momentum by reading Lazy Man’s Way to Riches and reading excerpts from the book. I want to get done with this trip by flying around & keeping so busy that I don’t have time to worry.

July 17th, 1975
(S)
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. I am finally getting into the feel of the country. I have slowed down. You know the people out here don’t smile as much in the city, but it is as if they were all smiling inside! Out here you learn to appreciate new things like times with out mosquitoes, and the evening when there I light but it is cool and breezy. I have got to get going if I ever want to get to Europe! I will need all the luck in the world! Green, give it to me!

~~~

Dear Pete,
I decided I had to leave a day early. I would have stuck around but I have to go to Europe and time and money play a bit part in anyone’s decision. I hope you forgive me.
I want to thank you because you have been a hell of a guy! I know that everything is going to turn out O.K. for you because you have a good manner with people, which always goes far.
I am sorry that I didn’t help you work more but if it would be O.K. I could maybe come back when you’ve been settled and I could make it up to you. I would greatly appreciate it. I hope I didn’t leave any of my goods behind but I think I brought most of them with me. I thank you a million (and for the food)!

Jeff Shea

~~~

July 18th, 1975
(S)(A)
Never tell a man he is wrong.
I woke up this morning before Pete and I left him a note saying goodbye. I rode from Akeley, Minnesota to Thunder Bay, Ontario where I spent the night. I felt better the second I left Pete. My sagging body and mind at once became alive and began to work for me instead of against me, which only goes to prove that if you feel good it is because you are doing the right thing for yourself, but if you feel badly you are doing something wrong, which is usually easily corrected. This should give you an insight into the workings of your own mind, Green Hanab!
When I got to Canada I was given about 7 beers and I split 3 joints & some Canadians took me to a bar and a guy named Paddy Mallon put me up at his house.

July 19th, 1975
(S)(A)
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
Today Patty Mallon and I went girl watching. There are some beautiful girls in Thunder Bay. Patty took me to a sauna and I saunaed, took a shower and a shave. Me and Patty picked up two girl hitchers and talked to them. Fun! I hitched to Terrace Bay! I went to a party there. A girl there had the most sparkling eyes I ever saw. I had 3 more beers. Paddy gave me 4 more this morning. I slept on the roadside tonight! Lovely!
The 2 best Canadian expressions I have heard so far: After every sentence they say, “Ey” or “Eh?” (pronounced A). Also if you have it made they say, “You’re laughin’.” I like those. Also, in B.C, if they want a sip of your beer, they say, “Give me a burst.” (I like their money.)

July 20th, 1975
(A)
Started the day at Terrance Bay, ended up at 3 a.m. 500 miles east in Sudbury, Ontario. Went into notorious Wa Wa, the hitchhikers hell, but I met 2 girls. They walked ahead, 2 guys picked them up in their van and I ran up and asked if I could also have a ride. Got to Ste. Marie. Met Debbie who was turned on by me. She said I should visit her house – in 2 dome shapes – in the morning. She liked me and sparkled her eyes at me. But I got a ride to Sudbury. Slept at a hamburger stand. Quote to remember: There is something about the shape of a woman that will never cease to amaze me! (Patty Mallon, 1975). Also, “I once said that I would take myself to a doctor, but it would never cure me! – I am (an) incurable woman lover.”

July 21st, 1975
(A)
I traveled to Montreal today. I got lucky and walked 3 or 4 miles at night and finally got a ride to Montreal, about 20 miles. I slept on the roadside. I got a ride from an American along with 4 other hitchhikers, and we bought a case of beer. I was chairman and I passed out the bottles. I had about 6 and was drunk when I got to Ottawa. I sobered up in time to walk out of Ottowa and catch a ride. I will be leaving Montreal on the morning. I must be one of the luckiest kids I know. I made it to Montreal so quickly!!!!

July 22nd, 1975
(A)(L)
I got to Uncle Lester’s tonight in N.Y. I saw N.Y. City for the 1st time in my life. I expected Denise to send me one letter and when I got there I had 7 letters and all from her! When I see what I have created, a love so strong for me, it makes me wonder what kind of potential I have in the world. I have transformed the girl, or rather she has done it to herself, but I am the catalyst. You can hardly imagine how she expresses her love! It is so great. I feel like a king, powerful, when I read her love letters to me. The girl has love enough to move mountains! I wonder if I can create such love on earth? Love is strong.

July 25th, 1975 (in the July 23 slot)
(A)(E)
Excuse the fact that I missed July 23rd. I am hereby recording July 25th since in the July 25th slot I didn’t say what I did today. Let me list:
1) Went to N.Y.C. – Manhattan
2) Went to American Museum of National History
3) Went to Colombia University
4) Traveled on subways
5) It took me 3 hours to get home to Lester’s
6) Saw Central Park
7) Saw Madison Avenue
8) Spent $5
9) Spent more time going to and from than I did there 10) Got a letter from Pete Barnes and from Denise B. 11) Talked to Lester and learned a lot
12) Played piano.

July 24th, 1975
(L)(S)
I called Denise tonight! She loves me more than anyone could ever imagine. When the last page is entered into this journal, she will still love me. I phoned and we talked for 15 or so minutes. My uncle said tonight that love is accepting a person for what they are. I said hello more or less to everyone at her house. I tell you, the feeling I have just experience is the best feeling anyone can ever have. I have just been through an exhilarating experience and I am tired.

July 25th, 1975
(E)
I think I will never perform again until I get paid for it. I should refuse to perform in front of unwelcoming ears. I want to be a great performer but I know I will never have a great voice or looks or guitar or piano. I will be adequate but seldom above average. I am going to have to make up for it. I think it would feel awfully funny to buy a bunch of performing equipment and then not get a job! Oh well! I have some fantastic power in my hands and I know I could write great things. I mean great but I think also I need the incentive and, that is, money.

July 26th, 1975
(L)
Today I meet Aunt Nelly, Chipper, Martha, Lorraine, etc. – i.e. – my Dad’s sister’s family. I had a big roast beef dinner there. Martha told me the “secret of girls” – for example when a girl sees a cute guy she will go through all the available channels to find out if he has a girlfriend and what he is like. If he checks out she will then figure out a way to meet him, like being in the right place at the right time. Martha is confident in herself that she can manipulate any guy into her company. If she wants him to hold her, she can trip into his arms.

July 27th, 1975
(L)
Coney Island
Today me and the gang went to Coney Island and played miniature golf in the evening. I had the girls laughing all day long. – A girl can say she is cold and the guy will put his arms around her; - or if the guy wants to be tricky he can give her his coat! and foil her plan! Or a girl can tickle a guy – before he knows it he is manipulated into holding her! It is supposedly one of the oldest tricks in the book. A girl will be in the right places at the right time. Quote – When she wants you – you will know it baby. She’ll let you know in he simplest way. She’ll caress our lips with her rosy cheeks in time. Oh! In Time!

July 28th, 1975
(S)
A woman is as young as she looks, but a man is young as long as he keeps lookin’. God – do Silent Treatments work! You cannot expect your body to deny itself, for very long, anything, which it truly needs without affecting the mental capabilities of oneself. If the mind says – “Drink your orange juice slowly,” and your body craves orange juice, you just might find yourself gulping it down, despite the order. An order from the mind cannot work for long unless the body is pleased.

July 29th, 1975
(S)
If you want to make someone your lifelong friend, tell them that all the others may perish, but there is really something different about them and that you believe your relationship will last until the end of your life.
There is a girl at the travel agency that I can see likes me. I want to kiss her but I have not yet asked her out. We shall see what happens.
I am attempting now to catch up for the last 3 days – it is now 7/31. My letter has not come from Gammy yet. I want to say here that the power in me seems inevitable, good and long enduring. It has been discovered truly for the first time…

July 30th, 1975
(S)
All You Need Is Love
…and unleashed through Dyna/Psyche™. – Joe Karbo’s method. Every day I live is so rich, full & happy I cannot begin to express it in words. People light up in my presence. My wish is their command – so often. Not only this but everything works out perfectly. I am free from worry. I take advantage of no one. I am full of confidence – to the utmost degree. It is as if everything good is mine in the utmost degree and no bad things are allowed into my psyche in the…

July 31st, 1975
(S)
Love Love Love
…least degree. It appears through experience that this state of mind is an altered state of consciousness that I have been living in for the last year and a half. Perhaps 10% of other people share my wonderful experience. You can see it in their eyes. My plans for the future include starting a rock group on my return and touring Canada on our own volition – I would also expect myself to begin dating Pam Campagna on Feb. 19, 1976 because I concentrate so often on my empire, I see no alternative. Mine!
August 1st, 1975
(S)(L)
Beware of the Sin of Pride
I just bought my tickets. Came home, phoned Barbara for coffee, she said, “Yes.” I got her number. I’ll call her at 7:00 p.m. (931-**** Barbara) Uncle giving me a hard time – busted (maybe) his oven! Trust women & kids – don’t listen too hard for man! Women know courtesy, children the truth – men neither! (Sometimes!) I think I am being too harsh!) In fact, I know I am. Most people are good. Well, I had to cancel date with Barbara because I could not get the car. Girls are becoming a way of life for me. It may sound strange but when I see them on the street, I visualize them nude. ‘It’s exciting! I am confident!’

August 2nd, 1975
(S)(A)
I listen attentively to everyone, always perform successfully and am lighthearted every day of my life.
Got up at 8:30 a.m. Left Mineola at 9:35 a.m. Drove to Montreal with Uncle Lester and his friend Father Paul. Got a hotel room in Montreal at 7:00 p.m. Went to airport to confirm flight. Confirmed! Girls! They are all over! Tits! They are so big. Had dinner with Father Paul. He recited the 3 stages of an adolescent male (and female).
1) 12-13 years old – physical
2) 15-16 years old – emotional, passion
3) 19-20 years old – intellectual

I know I am going through the 3rd stage. In two months I am going to begin writing down people’s direct comments to me about myself and write an objective profile of myself. I love girls so much, I can hardly describe it! It shows!

August 3rd, 1975
(A)
I am totally sexually satisfied with my current arrangements with girls.
Today was virtually unbelievable! Well, for starters went to the Montreal World’s Fair of 1967, which is still open. It was fun going through all of the exhibits. I think perhaps my favorite exhibit was called – It’s A Strange World, and it was all about flying saucers, etc. Then at about 6 o’clock my uncle dropped me off at the airport. The plane was to leave at 10:10pm. It stormed terribly and the flight was moved up until 12pm. Then it was moved up to 1pm. It is now 1:20 o’clock, so hence August 4th.

August 4th, 1975
(A)
Monday actual flight
At 12 midnight they informed us that the flight had been canceled and it would leave at 12 noon next day (August 4). We all (250 of us) hopped on a free bus & went to the Sheraton Palace, got our room and went to sleep! Then we got up at 10, and spent $5 for breakfast, being as though B.O.A.C. was paying. Then 2 hours later I went for lunch - $5. Then, oh, by the way, flight now to leave at 7 or 9, went to dinner, $12. Then went to the bar for an “erupting volcano.” Then bus took us to the airport. Then we got on the plane. At 12 we were off for London – 747 style. Tally ho! Met all kinds of neat people & …

August 5th, 1975
(A)
…now April 5 – exhausted [clearly. –Editor] – and had 2 free beers on B.O.A.C., then 1 more dinner on B.O.A.C, then 1 small bottle of wine on B.O.A.C., then 1 glass of gin on a passenger. Ugh! Stayed up until 5, got an hour or 2 hours of sleep. Got off in London. On the street at 12. I just got to the visitors bureau. Now – it’s five. Oh, I’ll continue later. But I forgot to mention me and some bloody Englishman named Marco got into a hair tonic – after-shave fight on the 747. I smell like a barbershop. Got it in my mouth. Ugh. Tottle-loo!

August 6th, 1975
(A)(L)
Madeleine & Annalise at beach 1st day
Put this down as a triumph! Waking up with the inspiration to spend the whole day with two pretty girls that I had barely been introduced to, I laid my plans. I waited for them to leave the Hostel and I said good morning. They began to talk to me and I arranged it so they invited me to come with them. I spent 14 hours with them today. My goal is to kiss the one girl, Madeleine. She is beautiful! The other one I think likes me. But I missed my chance tonight to arrange a kiss. I will not give up but I will try again.

August 7th, 1975
(A)(L)
Madeleine – kissed – beach 2nd day
Oh yes! I arranged last night that Annalise invite me along without Madeleine knowing about hour plan. Went to Madame Tussaud’s with Annalise. At the beach Madeleine shampooed my hair and Annalise combed it out for me. – Tonight Magdalene wanted to come with me to the bar - she say – “I come”. Just what I wanted. I bought me a beer and she bought she a beer and I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek! My goal accomplished. There is so much to tell. Tonight the lights go out in the Hostel at 1:00 a.m. and we make funny noises and laugh until 2:00. Fun! Met a cunning little creature from TriniDad & all we talk about is girls!

August 8th, 1975
(A)(L)
Say goodbye to Annalise & Madeleine kiss both, invitation to Scotland. Swiss girls left today – invited me to meet them in Edinburgh. Kissed Annalise. Annalise loves me. Kissed Madeleine goodbye. Kissed Italian girl for a thank you – for writing below.
I don’t think I have ever had so much fun in all my life. I am extremely, very, extremely happy. I meet so many people in one day. Maybe 20!! I am the life of the party. Tonight I sneak out at 1:30 a.m. with little guy from TriniDad. He and I are girl chasers! The most cunning and the best of the 105 people at the hostel. Tonight we went to the show with German girls. One was very, very beautiful. We laugh, drink, have fun. I kid with all the foreigners. We are all friends. So much fun I can’t believe it. An Italian girl fell in love with me tonight. Not really, but I kissed her. She kept coming over to ask me questions. She is also very, very pretty with blonde hair. I went swimming today. I will leave Saturday or Sunday to meet Annalise and Magdalene in Edinburgh Scotland on Wednesday at 12:00 at train station.

Serous eure Susauve Tiglo I habe wid setreut eud ser toeffler – vou Munden – Susauve Tiglo
(This is one of the most beautiful girls in the world)

Mi fa ruolto piarare alerti causseiuto –
Giovanna Ghidini
di Montova
Italy

Notes: Raj is a dark kid, 15. Extremely smart – We talk all about girls and how much we know. We know a lot but really nothing. We spend every second together second-guessing and predicting all the females at the hostel.

August 9th, 1975
(A)(L)
Went with Italian to Regent Park – kissed Giovanna
When I woke up this morning I was talking to Ray, my little TriniDad friend when that girl Giovanna Ghidini and her sister Carla Ghidini came up the stairs from the hostel. Naturally, being women-chasers, we had to talk to them. We had breakfast with them and then we walked a few blocks with them, Raj left. I went to Regent’s Park with them and stayed with them 4 or 5 hours. They left. When we went to bed tonight I crawled over to Giovanna and talked to her in the dark. Starting slowly, we got so close that I began talking to her with my lips on hers and we started kissing. She said I must go. Manager walked by. I left.

August 10th, 1975
(A)(L)
I leave for Edinburgh in morning – not so! I am staying with Giovanna. When we got up I thought she might be mad at me. I was stupid to think so. I spent the whole day with her and her sister. In the afternoon we took a walk to a secluded monument and started making out. Gosh, she is beautiful! I started putting my hand on her breasts. She liked that! We then went back to the Hostel. We went to the park – Tower of London – earlier in the day and were kissing in the park in each other’s arms. Went to Bangladesh restaurant with her sister and friends. We snuck out at 12 and made out heavily. Then I practically dragged her to a park! We only had 5 or 10 minute before the Hostel closed – I started feeling her up and had her pants unzipped. When we left. She is mine!

August 11th, 1975
(A)(L)
Giovanna!!! She is a blonde-haired, fair-skinned, well-proportioned green-eyed Italian! Giovanna and I spend as much time as possible together. We walk around with Carla, her sister, and when we are alone we kiss a lot, laugh a lot and tease each other a lot. She has a job in London until September 5, when she will go to Italy. I am invited to their house when I go to Italy. Her mother cooks good spaghetti. I will see Giovanna again when I return to London and tomorrow night at 8 p.m. She really likes me. Tonight, late, we took a walk, kissing wildly. We laid down on a park bench and we made out. I pulled my pants down, then hers put a rubber on and we fucked for 10 or 15 minutes. She has the softest body I have felt in a while – and what a good figure.

List of girls
32. Jastelle (18)
33. Women at bar Russian River (19)
34. Sheila (18)
35. Debbie (19)
36. Betsy (at Foster City Rec.) (18)
37. Vickie (5)
38. School teacher at apt. (17)
39. Linda (18)
40. Madeleine – Swiss – in London 2 small kisses (20)
41. Annalise – friend of Madeleine – goodbye kiss and more & more (20)
42. Girl at Rob Hall’s party (19)

August 12th, 1975
(A)(L)
My life is like a musical
I am now on the train to Edinburgh, Scotland. I don’t know if I am in love with Giovanna or infatuated or what; but it is stupendous. Jack H. would say we are just in heat. But what heat! I was with her for 3 ½ hours tonight and I kissed her no less than 1000 times. She will make out with me anywhere at all. I think next time I see her I will begin to kiss her right away. She tells me things like, “Tu est tres, tres, tres…(about 100 tres)… jolie (pretty).” All the while I kiss her. We get tremendously horny. I know she is the prettiest girl I have been with in the last 1½ years. I am to meet her in London next Tuesday. She wants me to be with her.

August 13th, 1975
(L)(A)(S)
I met Jolie Swiss girls in Edinburgh (Swiss girls left today. I hitched close to Liverpool). Friends: they are important. Be good to them! If you have nothing and you can go into a coffee shop and laugh with friends over a simple cup of coffee, you have, in a sense, everything. The girls were exactly on time today. We walked around the city today. It’s the most beautiful big city I have seen in my life. We tried to sleep outside, but it began raining. Earlier in the evening we met a guy, Gordon, who bought us a beer and we went to his house as he had invited us earlier. Annalise slept next to me and we caressed each other for a while and kissed for a while. She said she thinks she likes me too much. I can hardly believe the girls are so easy here.

Questions of Life Answered Here
Notes: There are answers as far as Green Hanab is concerned.
1. What is the purpose of living? The purpose of living is to feel good!
2. What is the purpose of talking? The purpose of talking is to make all the people involved feel good!
3. What is the purpose of doing things? The purpose of doing things is to make all of the people involved feel good!

August 14th, 1975
(S)(F)(L)
Report on the Effects of Dyna/Psych™ – Events Before August 14. I have been reviewing what I have accomplished in the last year and a half since I started Dyna/Psych™ on April 24th, 1974! Of the four major goal areas in my life this is what I have accomplished. (What about my first goal achievement? The purchase of my suit!????!!??!)

1. Finance - I have had almost complete control of my finances. I have made as much money since then ($5000) then the previous 18 years. I own 300 shares in a speculative stock. I have used my money to support myself more completely and I have bought a $175 suit, which I always wanted to have. I have run across $1000, which I never knew I had.
2. Love – I have had approximately 20 girlfriends, as many as the previous 18 years; I have held longer and stronger relationships with girls. I am now always welcome to old girlfriend’s houses and I can have as many old girlfriends back when I went them. This was not so before. I call the punches. Right–

August 15th, 1975
(A)(L)(S)(E)
Liverpool
Today I went to Wales – met Alan – slept at hostel.
–now I have no less than 5 girlfriends. Girls are coming so fast I find it unbelievable. At home I invariably had a date with different girls every night of the weekend. In the last 1-½ years, I have had no less than 5 girlfriends with whom I had sex, which had not happened in the previous 18 years. And I expect things to get better.

3. Adventure – The main even in adventure in the last 1-½ years has been my long-awaited trip to Europe – where I am now. It was a trip that I had always wanted but never quite seemed to make before. I have also been to Mexico, Canada and across the U.S. I have visited Pinnacles State Park, Russian River and been shooting rifles several times. I now know I can take a trip at any time because I realize it does not cost much money.

4. Entertainment – I have, in the last 1-½ years…

August 16th, 1975 (Continued from August 15)
(A)(E)
Today – Caernarfon Castle – Manchester
…managed to receive free voice lessons and my voice has improved 100%, which I find advantageous in the pursuance of my career. I have successfully performed one of my own songs, singing and playing the guitar, in front of 60 people. They liked it. I have sung 2 solos in front of a church audience. There have been more intangible changes than can be counted here. My personality has become magnetic – for example, 30 people have wanted to give me their address on this trip so far. The attitude change is the most important of all. I have lost my fear of people and I can be very entertaining. I have also developed the ability to get along with people, which will help me immensely in my entertaining affairs. I have made good friends with Jim T.

August 17th, 1975 (Continued from August 16th)
(E)(S)
Stratford Upon Avon
I have broadened my view of entertainment by seeing 2 symphony concerts and 2 rock concerts and 1 opera, 1 musical, and 2 plays including Cyrano de Beagerac. I have also seem Fellini’s Amarcord and a Buster Keaton film including many other assorted films. I have made friends with entertainment people – B. Hayward, etc.

(F)(L)(A)(E)
THE FOLLOWING IS A SUPPLEMENT TO THE PREVIOUS INFORMATION
1. Finance. Mike T. and I from scratch made $400 tax free in 2 weeks at the flea market. I do need more work here!
2. Love – I have developed more than described here. I have developed a “Silver tongue” and the after of timing.
3. Adventure – I have taken courses in Aeronautics, Geography, and Astronomy.
4. Entertainment – I have set my goal in life in this field.

END OF REPORT

August 18th, 1975
(A)(S)(L)
Instructions until Nov. 1 –
1) Eat well every day of your trip
2) Meet many girls & people
3) Be friendly, have fun
4) Sleep only in nice places

Tip – Eat at stores – grocery markets, buy bread, cheap meat, carrots, add tomatoes to your sandwiches, buy milk from the milkman – camp out. This way you can travel far on little money and eat well. Avoid restaurants, as they are more expensive!
2000 hrs. I am in London. I can feel the presence of my love Giovanna! I am now going to see if Cathy Burke is still living in London. I hope so much! Cathy was not there but the Eycken’s were. They asked me in for tea and then to an Italian restaurant for a – well, let me describe it - a beer, a few glasses of wine, a lake trout, a salad, bread & butter, a steak, potatoes, live pate, 5 cigarettes, 2 brandy’s, a cup of coffee, 2 strawberry pieces of pie and that’s about it. I am only human and I love them for it. They want me to visit them on a Friday night in September.

August 19th, 1975
(F)(L)(A)
I arrive in London at Cathy Burke’s
I am trying to get a job at a hotel; an Irish lad said he is quitting his and I can have it. I may be able to start on the 22nd. It pays 30 Pounds a week for 40 hours and all the food I can eat. I hope I get it. I met Giovanna today. We’re so in love it is not even funny. We just kissed and talked – very light – but very wonderful. I will see her tonight at 8:15 p.m.
I bought about 75 cents worth of food, after careful shopping, and I am full and still have much more to eat. Tonight I went out with Giovanna and we had some beer with her sister Carla. Then Carla left. We walked through the streets of London, hugging and kissing. I want to fuck her again so bad but I will have to wait until the right Moment comes along.

August 20th, 1975
(L)(A)(F)(E)
I think that I have matured quite a bit today as a culminating result of all the shit I have taken in the past. It can be very simply stated. I have my rights and it is morally acceptable for me to stick up for those rights. In London people are rude sometimes and it has taught me to fight back and the funny thing is that people respect you for it. They don’t dislike you for the fact that you question them. I know I try very hard to not take advantage of anyone and I try to help others When someone tries to make me do something they are not necessarily right and it will not hurt for me to fight back as long as I am a kind and forgiving person.

August 21st, 1975
(L)(S)
Things were getting tense with Giovanna tonight so [I imagined I was a woman… -Ed. Note] – I know it sounds weird but it turned a catty female into a female that made love with me and will probably many more times in the future. We made love just fine in a park. I was also, through this unknown source, able to talk to her in a way that made her lose all of her fears and she became relaxed. Remember I said before that women fear being loved and forgotten. It is all so unbelievable it is almost scary. Maybe someday I will explain this phenomena in full but right now all I can say is this: women have a reputation for being strange at times, but they are not strange. They are just different!

August 22nd, 1975
(A)(L)
I really think today was the happiest day of my life! It is not any one special thing but just a culmination of circumstances. I am in London, 6000 miles from home and in love with a beautiful blonde. I believe that when I get older, for this type of existence will not last forever, that I will look upon these days as some of my happiest and as well-spent days, reveling in summer, and love and friends. I went to the Art Gallery today with Giovanna. I have a $1.10 bet tonight that I will not be able to sleep the whole night on top of the upright piano at the Hostel. I am suppose to be going to a party with Carla and Giova tonight!

August 23rd, 1975
(S)(A)(L)
IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM, JOIN ‘EM.
I went on the subway today all around London. Tonight I saw Giovanna. This is all so crazy! I went to the pub with her and had a fantastic time with her. Then I went to a dry spot around the corner and kissed her for a while. When she wanted to go I really did not want her to. [Again I imagined I was a woman… -Ed. Note] I was thinking about it today and this whole business is a slightly schizophrenic trait! But I use the word “schizophrenic” in a strictly definitional sense because it describes well the transformation that takes place when I turn on to this power. But it is harmless. The thing of the matter is that it works. It really works. It frees my mind somehow so that I can act in ways foreign to my nature but necessary at the time. At any rate, I am developing such a positive attitude about myself that if someone is disagreeable I merely deal curtly with them and go on about my business as I have much to do. Bye.

August 24th, 1975
(S)
I just wrote a letter to Dad (at Cathy Burkes) In it I made a promise and I want to write down what I said: “Well, I want you to know Dad, that no matter what happens in the future, no matter where you are or what you do, no matter what you say to me or do to affect me, I will always love you and you will always have a friend in your son, Green.” That’s it!
Suddenly a wonderful feeling of peace has come over me. I somehow know that I do not have to argue to get what I want but I realize the nicer, more polite, and more easy-going I am, the more I will get what I want. It is working beautifully already, and my mind is at total peace and I worry about nothing. Be as courteous and friendly as you can!

Notes – on human behavior! Green, watch what happens to people trying to win and beat other people. They may win but more importantly, the man who doesn’t fight back doesn’t lose anything. If you have to fight for it, it wasn’t yours to begin with! Nothing lasts forever. Yield when nature pressures you or tries to take something that you thought you owned. Possessions may include life, limb, rights to speak, hear, see, think. If you don’t fight you do not lose anything that was truly yours. If you don’t violate your rights your rights you keep them. The violation of rights occurs in fighting to keep them. It is not for the individual or for other solely to act in accordance with these words but rather for us all. A man who gives freely and sincerely of his possessions will not be doubted by many for long.

August 25th, 1975
(L)(E)(F)
Me and Giovanna get along just great, like 2 buddies.
Now I am going to write down some instructions for singing. I will draw a diagram. I don’t know why the following instructions work but they do. Pretend the (symbol) in the picture is a barrier which must be sung around if the sound is to be pleasant. Force the tone behind the skull, thus allowing it to hit up into the high nasal regions. I personally can feel this bone!
Jack Harpster once said, “Hustle nobody, just hustle them all!” I like the feeling that I love everyone and I see only the good in my fellow man. And I plan to spend the rest of my life with that philosophy, because for me, it works!

August 26th, 1975
(A)(F)(L)
Today I went to the Post Office and mailed the telegram: “Please cable $100.00 to Wells Fargo Limited, London, if you can, love Green.” I hope I get the money. I will leave London on Friday. Tonight I believe that I have sorted this Rosemary thing. Let me state: Me, Green, is to be used for all mental transactions. Rosemary is to be used for all physical. Also, emotional things are mine to sort out. Maybe I will write more later. Tonight I made love to Giovanna in a back alley behind a bus. It was the most lustful thing I have ever done. And I am sure that I have never been more satisfied or felt better, purely physically speaking, in my life. Giovanna, up to now, as I have experienced, is a perfect fuck.

August 27th, 1975
(A)(L)
Today for the first time I went out with a beautiful French girl from Lille, France. She wants me to visit her house in Lille in a few days and she wants me to take the boat with her to Lille. So I will visit her house. Today Giovanna & Carla walked away from me disgusted. They are now at the other end of the hostel now. I am not sure I understand them. But we will go out to dinner together tonight, I think! I hope!
We made up. It was a great dinner at a Chinese restaurant. I must have kissed Giovanna 500 times tonight. We made preparations for me to visit Mantova. They leave tomorrow. I want to make love to Giovanna many times before I go home. About 30. She is so outasight, God and I can only know.

August 28th, 1975
(L)(S)
Well, last night after I wrote in the diary, something went on which I think is worthwhile to write here, as the 28th of August I slept all day because I had food poisoning. After Giovanna & Carla had gone to sleep, I crawled up onto the stage at the hostel, as I had done the night before, to say goodnight to Bernadette. I snuggled up to her and after a half an hour she could not stand it any more so she began to kiss me and soon we were making love. We made love in 2 positions in ½ hour and there were all kinds of people sleeping around us, including Giovanna & Carla. But they came by to say goodbye to me this morning so things are O.K! Can you believe how fast girls are coming in to my life! Dyna/Psych™ is the catalyst and I am the cause. More to come!!!

Predict Jeff Shea
(S)
Example –
Situation – Normal Reaction – Best on next pages
1. Situation – just left alone to do what he pleases
2. Reaction – extremely energetic, happy, self-directed.
3. Proper action – same as Reaction. He is a very self-sufficient. Leave him be!!

Friday August 29th, 1975
(L)(A)
At Hostel I meet & fuck another girl
Today I go to Lille, France. I saw Bernadette off at Victoria Station. She gave me directions to her house but I lost my address book 5 minutes later. I am going to look for it now. If I don’t find it I must try to recall important information. Look at September 7th notes.
I am on the boat to Calais, France and we just left port. On my right is what I think are called the cliffs of Dover I went to the aft of the boat and went into my pack in order to get some paper to re-copy my remembrances of my address book and as soon as I opened my pack, I found my address book. What good luck! It is a beautiful, clear, breezy, summer later afternoon and the water is a beautiful body of green!
I stuck my thumb out in Calais. Bam! A free dinner & ride to Lille!

August 30th, 1975
(A)(S)(F)(L)
It is an enchanted morning in a lush garden in Lille. I waked to the colours and textures of beauty and the sun of the movement, replaces the moon of the still! The Art of People, I know it well, I find it easy and I find it grand. If people find you charming in one country. They find you charming in every land! The great end of life is not knowledge, but action! Do not expect troubles, as they have a tendency not to disappoint! Cheap lunch- loaf of bread 1 yard long – 19 cents, 4 oz cheese 43 cents – 1 liter or 1 1/8 quarts beer 38 cents – total $1.00 enough to make me full & drunk!
I spent the day with Bernadette, kissing when we could. For instance, one time (you see, because her sister and a male friend were with us) she said, ”Do you want to wash your hands?” which was supposed to mean, “Come in the bathroom and we can kiss!” Well, I finally caught on and we managed a few kisses in. She is exciting. French girls are exciting! Tomorrow, we meet secretly at the bus station and she says we are going to a French restaurant. O-LA-LA. Laughing a lot today. She gave me a foxy picture of herself today. Now I will look for a park to sleep in! Bonjour!
I am so happy (because I am fulfilling things) that it is pitiful!
Alas, I met some hippies in the park. We had a great time. We smoked marijuana & hashish for about two hours. We went to a nice little teashop and we laughed a lot. I slept at their apartment – in a small alley of the street! It was an unusual & fun experience !!!!!

August 31st, 1975
(L)(E)(A)
I know I have often said that a day was the best in my life but today agrees with all my heart to say today was a perfect day. I went to sleep at 1 a.m. I met Bernadette at 11 a.m. She took me to her house. First she gave me a bubble bath. When I got out, a French lunch, with a steak, wine, beer & coffee was prepared for me. Then we went to her bedroom and made love for about 1½ hours. Then we went to town and walked and sang. Then we met the hippies and had tea. At 8 o’clock Bernadette took the bus to home. I walked around Lille & sang some songs. I met the hippies and we laughed and joked along the streets. We went to the tea ship and then we went to the house and smoked some marijuana. There is a pretty girl amongst them.

September 1st, 1975 (Continued from July 15)
50. Marchesa (??) (19)
51. Sue Malerbie (13)
52. Patty Romeo (19)

(A)(E)
Today I first wrote a letter to my Dad & mailed it along with one to Denise & Gram. I met Bernadette at 2 o’clock. She said Didier – a male friend of hers & her mother disliked me. Didier is jealous because he knows Bernadette likes me. Well, Bernadette and I walked around town and drank coffee, kissed and met friends. We didn’t have much fun because it was raining & I think she was thinking about her mother. At 6 o’clock she left. I walked around with the hippies – played guitar for them & went to sleep. Tomorrow I will meet Bernadette @ 3 o’clock to just say goodbye. I think I will give her a picture of myself that I found tonight. She is really great. She is constantly friendly to everyone and she is always bright-eyed & bushy tailed. I want to play love to her before I leave.

September 2nd, 1975
(L)(A)(S)
Don’t give me anything! … but love!
I had a good sleep last night. Bernadette walked up to me ½ hour before we were supposed to meet. She said the house was free, so we went there. Didier came & I hid in her room. She had business to take care of so I left at 6:30 and returned at 11. She fed me a delightful & enormous meal at 6 o’clock. I returned on time and we had a glass of mint water & went to her parent’s bedroom and played love! We made love the first time and the feeling that was there was truly beautiful. It was like Romeo & Juliet! Then we made love a second time for a long while & I licked her vagina for 15 or 20 minutes and put my penis in her again. It was very, very beautiful. We got hungry, from all the action, and we went to the kitchen and ate some cookies and drank some coffee, and went to sleep. I am an excellent lover, I know. Everything I touch these days turns to gold.

September 3rd, 1975
(A)(S)(S)
Don’t teach me! Love me!
We woke at 5:45 a.m. She fixed me a good breakfast, we said goodbye, and I was off. I got to Paris in about 5 hours. I went to pick up 3 letters from Denise. I read them. They were nice to read. She should be getting a car. She apparently is still crazy about me. I want to see her when I get back. I brought 1 liter of wine, some bread & cheese. At 7:30, it was finished. I boarded a train to the outskirts of the city and hitchhiked about 30 miles, went to sleep totally drunk because of the wine. Bernadette gave me a leather wristband with her name written on it and a small bottle of her perfume. I am proud to wear it. I shall have both of them on me.

Notes: EVERY MAN IS AN EMPIRE – I have thought of the idea for a perfect kingdom. Can one imagine a kingdom in which every order you made was carried out by faithful subjects at once, successfully, and expediently? Such a kingdom is possible within your own mind. One only has to develop his brain so that he can look at it objectively and control all its factions with ease. He then becomes the ruler of his own kingdom and can use his own power to carry him to any good end he pleases. Then truly, each man is an empire. Green Hanab (1955-2105) August 4, 1975

September 4th, 1975
(S)(S)(A)
Don’t persuade me! Love me!
Today was extremely productive. Without any trouble I hitched the 560 kilometers to Grenoble. I met an English boy who let me stay at his university dorm. I met the Los Angeles girl in the room next to his & I asked her if she would like to come along to the French Riviera for a few days. I won’t know until tomorrow but I think that she can come. When I walked into the campus at Grenoble a split instant flash came on me and I said aloud, “Well, Green, this is where you are going to school this year,” but I don’t know how strong it is and there are so many variables and yet so few as to my future.

September 5th, 1975
(A)(L)(E)
Leave 5 o’clock Grenoble. Arrive Toulon at 10. I did not do much until 5 o’clock today when Laurie Jacobson and I left for the Riviera. We arrived in Toulon at midnight after an extremely lucky session of hitchhiking. She wanted a hotel room so we rented a small attic suite for $5.00 with one double bed. All day she had been putting her hand on my arm, etc. – and anyway the 1st time I saw her I though we were headed for bed – she said it was O.K. if I slept with her but I said no about 3 times and after 1 hour got off the floor and into bed with her. She started draping her legs over mine and I got on top of her but we did not play love. We ended up talking all night and finally got to sleep around six in the morning. Toulon is an extremely beautiful town.

Note: I am soon going to write the lyrics to one of the songs on 1 of my albums; Each Man is an Empire.

September 6th, 1975
(L)(A)
Restaurant, beach, storm, bungalow
We woke up and rolled around and I came on the bed. We went to Hyres and found a place to sleep on the beach, and I asked her why we did not fuck and we winded up deciding we would – so we did. We did it twice and I came quickly both times and we had no more protection so we went to sleep.
Before we went to sleep the clear sky was flashing and Laurie was scared but I said it was nothing and I told her to sleep. Se woke up in the middle of the night to what was at first a small raining into what evolved a small hurricane and unbelievable lightning and thunder as loud 100 cannons and torrents of rain. We had to stay where we were because of the lightning, so we took the one sleeping bag we had, gathered all of our stuff up, and we made a wind-tight tent which was very small, but which shelter us from the activities outside. Laurie had fallen, and was on the verge of tears, she was so scared. I was pretty scared too, and I can remember climbing up the hill on my hands and knees with the whole sky lighting up and the appearance of every rain drop being charged with electricity. In the background the gray & misty Mediterranean looked disconsolately and the mud and the wind filled my head with the one thought of self-preservation. I barked orders to myself and Laurie and carried them out with swift assurance.
We waited until the storm either subsided or moved on. I don’t know which. We walked to a beach resort bar which was closed for the night and poured ourselves a glass of beer. We were wet to the skin. It was 2 o’clock in the morning, but by chance some boys were out there looking for something and they found us a place to sleep for the night. We dragged our wet belongings to the bungalow and fell asleep

September 7th, 1975
(A)(S)
Wake at 3:30 p.m., hitch at 7, arrive Sunday at 7
We woke at 3:15 p.m. and I went to ask if we could wash or dry our clothes in their machines but they only had a washer so they washed our clothes for us. Meanwhile I went swimming and got us some bread. The water is nice to swim in – very clear. We went to the store at the resort and bought some food & wine. We left at 7:00 p.m. – met 3 people on the way – arrived a Laurie’s dorm in Grenoble at 6:45, after almost 12 hours of traveling, and fell asleep. Laurie was being very nice to me this whole time. Everything was still wet and she was sick. Do not ever make a girl feel like a thing.

Notes – Bernadette Morales, Lille, France, 1 station in Lille from there take bus No. 4 to College-Laurache – go to Boulevard Champagne. She lives on a street coming off the Boulevard. (Small drawing)

Name – Giovanna Ghidini – Home – St. Giovanni, Italy, from Milan take train to Verona & take line to Bologna but get off at Poggio Rusco. She lives 2 kilometers from station. Get directory. “Scuse, c’e’ Giovanna?” If she is not there say, “Io telephono piu tarde. Yo sono Green. Por favor, dele que yo sono arrivato!”

September 8th, 1975
(S)
Wake at Laurie’s
We woke at 1:00 p.m. I got Laurie some breakfast because she was ill. She was upset at becoming ill. She was upset because I had made a comment that made her feel like a sex object, so I tried to be as sincere as possible & when I left her at 6 p.m. we were friends again. I left for Italy and almost got there, but the roads were closed so I got to sleep in the lorrie that was going to take me to Tourin in the morning (Torino). Note: Jack Harpster once said that you could do anything to a girl but two things:

1) M____ a F____ O___ of H_____
2) B_____ H____. And he is right!!!

September 9th, 1975
(A)
Italy
I awoke today and descended the Swiss Alps in a lorrie. I hitchhiked to Torino, Milano, Modena, Mantova, and finally Poggro Rusco. I bought a razor for $1.40 and some food. Things are cheap here! I phoned Giovanna and her serene neighborhood echoed with her happiness at my end of the line. She met me in 15 minutes at the train station; bought me a soda, and I drove her home on her motorbike. She lives in a fabulous house, which her sister designed with marble staircases, etc. It’s beautiful. Her sister is in the hospital. I met her parents and they are as hospitable as my wonderful grandmother. I ate so much in the last three hours that I am overjoyed. Wine, cake, chicken, tomatoes onions, eggs, bread, tea, water, soda and things are like a dream!

Notes – Tran station – Luzern, Switzerland
(Sketch) Madeleine’s flat. You must ask questions and directions – arrive August 5th.
Giovanna lives on No. 3 St. Giovanni Road. Tel No. 56329. No more is necessary because I found the 80 addresses in my pack. This makes very pleased!!!!!!!

September 10th, 1975
(A)(L)(S)
I like their house. I want Carla Ghidini to design my $75,000,000 mansion, along with me, of course. I am definitely in love. Sex does not even enter into the picture. I want to speak English, Spanish, French, Italian, German & Chinese fluently. It is my belief that if a woman never said no, there would be less babies in this world, as it strikes up the desire in a man! I write this before I sleep.
Today was another virtually perfect day. Let me see if I can sum up this day in a few sentences – riding Giovanna’s motorbike around Poggio Rusco, with her on back and eating so much food so to be unbelievable – soup, pork, sausages, bread, tomatoes, cake, cigarettes, coffee, toast, marmalade, water, wine, chicken, onions and carrot. I feel like a million dollars – and not for my discovery for the day.
I believe I can wrap up a lot of things about myself, today, having to do with my sexual makeup. I believe I was born with a strong heterosexual urge. A few short weeks ago I began to list all the girls I have had contact with in my life and out of the depths of my memory I recalled my very first heterosexual experience with a girl named Vickie. I was only four years old. We were playing “doctor” in my bedroom and I locked the door to be secretive. My father caught us, more or less, as he made me unlock the door and let him in. When he asked me what we were doing I was afraid to tell him because I could sense his anger. He took me down to the FBI building [Many years later I noticed the building and in fact it was the PG&E building on Mission Street –G.H.] in San Francisco and told me if I did not tell him, he would take me inside, because they had lie detectors there. I was afraid, and I told him the truth. He tried to make me feel at ease by telling me that it was O.K. But I feel that at that Moment a part of my personality was hindered. I believe that I was made to feel guilty for this innocent act and as a result, in the future my normal sexual urges were hindered by this strong, but hidden feeling of guilt (in my subconscious).
It is my calculation and opinion that because of my recent overwhelming desire to become a great lover that my subconscious has created a new consciousness for the purpose of sex. For example, I can actually “feel” unsure and a hindrance in my normal consciousness. I want to kiss a girl but I am reluctant; soon my desire is overwhelming but the hindrance is still there, which is an uncomfortable feeling. I feel excited but nervous, frustrated, and unsure. This feeling, will now engulf me, giving me a new, unhindered identity, in which I am free to act as effectively as I want until my desires are quenched. It come naturally and leaves naturally with no adverse effect, and leave me feeling more power and alert than before, not to mention whatever physical satisfaction I may have received.
To verify how strong the experience was with Vickie, I must explain that for some time after my father caught us, I had nightmares of falling off of the FBI building, but I would always wake up before I hit the ground.

Note – Places I have to go in London before I leave:
1) American Embassy
2) Buckingham Palace
3) Westminster Abbey
4) British Tourist Authority
5) Dickens’ house
6) Chelsea Antique Market
7) Madame Tussad’s
8) Tower of London
9) Picadilly Circus

September 11th, 1975
(E)(F)(L)
Walk with Giovanna, Hair-cut
Giovanna is perfect for me now. She washes my clothes today, by hand and expects no thanks for her work!
I know I am often thrilled with things. But I want to stress that in all honesty Giovanna is the combination of the most beautiful – she does not wear make up and is beautiful, most willing, most perfect figure – it is perfect, unbelievable kisser – the best I have kissed, & warm personality I have ever been with. On top of this we are definitely & madly in love. She is by far my most perfect love. Life, now, is utter ecstasy!
I think my voice has possibilities. Today I managed to gather a great deal of power in my voice. It is as if my voice and my body are connected. My throat feels no pressure. I reach the proper muscles by first doing breathing exercises – letting the air out relaxed and then 5 or 10 Ha Ha Ha Ha’s Ha Ha Ha Root 3rd 5th octave 5 3 – Root and, then gets higher I pull the tone into my stomach & waist muscles and tighten down harder for each higher not.
I must stress how wonderful I feel. I can actually in ecstasy every second today, and happy every day in this house. This stay at Giovanna’s house is the most pleasurable experience I have ever had & to me, to enjoy life every second is the most important thing, despite any actions people may take which would make me, under ordinary circumstances, unhappy.

September 12th, 1975
(L)(E)(S)
Buy Rubbers and F-G
Today I was scheduled to have intercourse with Giovanna, but it did not occur. But, this afternoon, I did more with Giovanna than any other day previous to this one – at lines on this visit. We went to the fields 5 miles away from her house and we made out for about 2 hours. I have seldom felt such intense physical, emotional and mental feelings. Giovanna bought me pizza, beer, coffee and pastry today and, of course, prepared three meals for me.
She talks of coming to Rome with me and her sister says they will visit me in Venice or Verona. She talks of sleeping with me – I do not know if it is only so much talk or if it is the truth but with Giovanna it is probably the truth. I will find out later. I have been painting in my spare time here. I have been painting a picture of the house I hope to own someday. It is not very good but I thoroughly enjoy the practice.
Today I gave myself the super suggestions of being a master of love and it really works. Soon after, a great calm came over me and I began to be as effective as I wanted to be. Giovanna has such a beautiful face and body. Today, her cheeks were a red from making out so heavily. I feel to be a little bit of a fake when I act like a master of love. But it feels good and gets me places. It seems when I have a full belly and roof over my head, I feel like writing and being creative. I must use this to my advantage. I am learning a little Italian. I have been laughing a lot today.

Things to write:
(1) Account of Janine’s party
(2) Account of Vickie Powers in bedroom
(3) Scale of sexual activity.

September 13th, 1975
(L)(S)
Last night… Being as horny as I am but I thought of Giovanna laying in the other room and I thought of how much more I would like to be having intercourse with her, and that the time & energy I was using in masturbating could have been used toward being in the position to have intercourse. Upon that thought, all desire to masturbate was ended and I went to sleep.
I have discovered a good piece of advice today: suppose you want someone or something done. Do not try to hide your want from other people if it could be beneficial to you if they knew. Come right out and say your want to go or you want to have or see. I think in the long run that people will respect you more for being honest and you will have an easier time of it!
Today Giovanna’s father said that I should leave Monday because people are talking in the town about me and Giovanna. But he says I am an able and valorous boy and he likes me very much and would like me to say on!
I think that when a man falls in love with a woman, he not only falls in love with her but also with her mother, father and friends.
Me and Giovanna just made love, more or less. But I never did insert my penis in her vagina! She practically attacked me once her father left. We got into bed and rolled around; I tried to put it in her about 50 times, but I think she was afraid of something because before she has always been wet in her vagina. But we had the greatest time. I love I think, and an awful lot at that! I must make some decisions now about my love life.

September 14th, 1975
(S)(L)
We went to Verona today.
Important! I have figured out that with me, depression, if it comes, is likely to set in, in the morning when I first wake up, which is why it is important for me to develop a Momentum – the first chore of the day always.
I once heard that the ability of concentration was the difference between great man and lesser man. Each day, when I draw from my mental storehouse, I draw from being a master of love, adventure, entertainment and finance.
I am going to bed now. Me and Giovanna on our last night here together almost got caught making it. We were in the kitchen getting it on and we decided to go to her bedroom, which was stupid for me to allow, cause it is so close to her parent’s room. But we went there anyway. I undid her button and zipper & we were ready to fuck when we heard the noises. I know her mother saw me in Giovanna’s room, which is a mortal sin around these spots.
I must screw her before I leave. Jesus, another five minutes and her mother could have caught us red-handed. I do not know what I will do, but I am sure we will fuck before I leave because it sounds so enjoyable that I will think of some way into her pants, and you can be on that. Just wait.

September 15th, 1975
(A)(L)(E)
In Italy
I have just finished reading the whole love story of Giovanna & me and it seems I have been a little apprehensive here in Poggio Rusco than I had been previously. Maybe with this realization I will not be apprehensive in the future. I am leaving Poggio Rusco now. I just made a phony trip to Bologna so her father would think I had left but I am back. I will meet Giovanna tomorrow at 10 in a town called Ostiligia. We just nearly got caught fucking this morning in my room. I feel extremely good today and the reason? My free lifestyle!
I hope that if I remember one thing from the Italians it will be their generosity.
I am not in Ostiglia. When I got here an elderly gentleman told me to go to the church if I wanted a place for the night. Now I am at the church. I am sleeping on a cot on top of the stage in a small auditorium! For the last hour I have been singing songs and reciting narrations. I know this may sound strange, but I have not masturbated in over a week. I think – and I think I am happy about it now. What I am hoping is that I will be even hornier around girls, but if it makes me less horny all around it will be O.K. because I am probably too horny all the time anyway. I am going to have to keep on trying and keep on trying until I learn to sing well. But I am determined to stake my career and my life on my voice, so I think I will do it.

September 16th, 1975
(A)(S)(L)
In Italy
I woke this morning at 9:30 a.m. I packed quickly and I went to the train station by 10, only to find that the trains had stopped; Giovanna arrived by motorbike at 10:15. We had breakfast together – she bought. We said we would meet in Mirandola, 20 miles south in the afternoon. We parted. I arrived here at 1:30 and I shall wait until 3:00 p.m. for her.
I was sitting there visualizing Giovanna riding up on her bike & 10 seconds later she rode up on her bike. We ate a great lunch of spaghetti, steak, salad & wine and related to each other the events while we had been apart.
I read to her an excerpt from my diary including the part where I said I should like to sleep with her many times. We made plans how I should contact her when I return. I shall phone her at her friend’s house on Thursday of next week at 6:00 p.m. at 0386/57143. Her and her sister are scheduled to meet me the next day at Verona. Then we parted, kissed and said goodbye. I am happy & lucky to know this girl. She is always thinking of me. She tells me her parents really like me. She is pretty and perfect in many ways.
One time I wrote what my perfect girl was, but I threw the list away. If I recall correctly she fits the description almost to a T. Blonde hair, 37-26-36, blue or green eyes, clear complexion, independent, love to fuck, beautiful features, intelligent, about 5’5”, 107 lbs., size 7 shoes, wonderful laugh, well-liked, friendly, great kisser. This compiles to the items that were on my list for a perfect girl – and Giovanna coincides.
I am going to Rome this evening, now in Bolonga.

September 17th, 1975
(A)(S)(S)
In Rome – Leave Rome
I have just arrived in Rome, Italy, exhausted after 24 hours of hitchhiking! I have only 4 things on my mind – water, girls, a place to swim and a place to sleep. It is 6 in the evening. On the way into Rome, a tremendous feeling of Déjà vu hit me, and I felt very strongly that I had lived here before, which, of course, is impossible. When I was hitchhiking I was desperate but 2 minutes after I began thinking of being in Rome, I visualized being there. I was picked up by a man who gave me a ride all the way to Rome! Remember, you can literally think your way to where you want to be!
There seems to be a realm of thought which cannot be tolerated. Also there seems to be its opposite, which, if stumbled upon works miracles of happiness. The way to stumble upon it is to expect nothing and ask nothing of other people. – Rather, let things drift. Tonight I am in Rome with no place to sleep. (Let people ask you.) I am going to try this philosophy – results later. Oh! – and you must also know what you’re after or sometimes it works to make a joke out of what you want!

September 18th, 1975
(A)
On or around Italian Riviera
You would not believe the feeling of accomplishment I get sometimes when I have a full belly, a place to sleep, friends and I am walking around a city called Rome which is 7500 miles from my house – and it is all because of something I’ve done – I was the one who made the right moves. I was the one who planned, thought, etc.
Today I saw the biggest church in the world – St. Peter’s Basilica – it was the most wondrous sight I have ever seen in my life. It was so huge – so much marble – so much thought and work. Then I went to the museum of the Vatican. I saw the Pieta – the most beautiful sculpture I have ever seen. Then I saw the Coliseum – I saw the Tiber River. I saw the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I saw the balcony from which Mussolini made his famous speeches. I saw the Raphael Rooms. After this I got a haircut.
I bought about 2.50 worth of food. It was reassuring to have food in my pack. I sent a postcard to the Ghidinis. I made two friends today. I met people from L.A., N.Y., Boston, Minneapolis. I made a list of 10 or 11 things I wanted done and I did all of them except for one. I also have water with me which will keep me from being thirsty – and I did all of this today without asking one thing from one person – Now I am waiting in the train station to take a 60 L train to the Mediterranean, where I plan to sleep tonight and spend the next few days. I am excited!!!

September 19th, 1975
(S)(L)
I am learning to plan ahead.
Made love 93:
Star 25
Juanita 6
Denise 46
Giovanna 7
Bernadette 7
Laurie 2

Variations 24:
Juanita 5
Star 7
Denise 7
Bernadette 4
Laurie 1

September 19th, 1975
(S)(A)
Italian Riviera
I am learning to plan ahead. WHEN YOU SPEAK OF ME YOU MUST SPEAK OF 3 PERSONS NAMED: TODAY, TOMORROW AND AFTER THAT.
I will now (list) the 25 or so events of the day.
1) Woke up took my first swim on the Italian Riviera 2) Had an apple & bread for breakfast and just did and read the first 19 days of September in this book.
3) Went to beach – free – on Riviera an 8:00 a.m.
4) A girl named Francesca – only 9 walked up & we got acquainted
5) Then a girl named Marina, 18 years old who I had been glancing at for the last 2 hours was suddenly at my side talking to me because she knew Francesca
6) I got quite a bit of sun today as I was on the beach for 12 hours
7) I took a good little swim out to the rocks to get wet only 15 or 20 metres
8) Whatever I do I have Bernadette’s bracelet on
9) The water was very salty so I ate a lot and drank much water to make up for it
10) The water is crystal clear
11) Marina & Francesca gave me their addresses and told me to send them a postcard from F.F. I will write Marina on the 29th of Nov. – her birthday
12) Marina came over to me 3 times today to talk. I think she likes me
13) She said she is coming back tomorrow
14) An Italian man asked me about America
15) A Polish man told me about the war
16) Today I designed the charter for the Global Entertainment company, which can be found on Dec. 7, 1975
17) I was laughing solid for 15 minutes over the second of Mad Magazines I had kept
18) I bought some more food this evening
19) Now I am at the beach – the sky is starry and the air is warm. The beach is to myself. I am smiling and content.

September 20th, 1975
(S)
When I arrive in San Mateo, I shall buy an empty but identical diary and copy words for word the content and store this copy in a safe deposit box.
I do not know if I am going to sleep now or moving on to Florence tonight. I am merely writing to let you know of the immense positive power I feel. I suppose I attribute it to many things but I also attribute it to my continued practice of Dyna/Psych™. Things are happening to me in my mind and my body and my actions which can only be created by a miracle. – either that or I am crazy – and I know this is now impossible. So maybe there are miracles. Today my thoughts were pure. Tomorrow will be one of the greatest futures man has ever known.

September 21st, 1975
(S)
Treatise (1) I believe there are four parts to our physiological make-up –
1. Mental
2. Emotional
3. Physical
4. Sexual.

Thus, my system in life handles all four and is perfect.
1. Being a master of finance keeps me mentally fit.
2. Being a master of entertainment keeps me emotionally fit.
3. Being a master of adventure keeps me physically fit.
4. Being a master of love with women keeps me sexually fit.

September 22nd, 1975
(S)(S)(A)
In the annals of my life I would list today as not so extraordinary, but rather as an example of one day of a perfect life. Everything flowed perfectly – a day like clockwork. And my thoughts were pure. I might mention as I have mentioned before, but this time I try to impress upon you more the importance of reciting your goals as quickly and as concentrated as possible, which is what I attribute the success of this day to. It makes the goals into one dynamo of pure solid thought – maybe 10 minutes. I went from Florence to Verona today and met a girl!

September 23rd, 1975
(A)(S)
Today I visited Claudio Cornali in Brescia, Italy, as I had met him in London & had 2 days to kill. Because I have been following my own instructions and saying my goals as rapidly as I can, I have been enjoying more effectiveness lately. Claudio showed me around Brescia and introduced me to his friends. I ate great but drank a little too much wine – which I think I needed. I have perfected my goals even more and I have a new additional perfection to add tonight. – I now give you a hint. If you want something from somebody either –
1) Take it or
2) Wait ‘til they ask, but
3) Do not ask!

September 24th, 1975
(S)(E)
In Italy!
Today I woke up as effective as lightning. Said my goals quickly. Right away this started happening. I asked to take a shower and got all cleaned up. I had them wash my clothes – now they are fresh and clean. Claudio drove me to Fausto’s house & Fausto and I did various chores and sang all day. Tomorrow I may phone Giovanna & Carla from Brescia – I do not know. I went to see the film Tommy tonight. Ended up watching it twice. It was pretty good, it was surprising how closely parts corresponded to my dreams of being famous. I think maybe I had better keep myself away from the crowds at times.

September 25th, 1975
(E)(S)
Arrive in Poggio Rusco tomorrow
I see I have a full page today! I must have sung with no exaggerations 100 songs today – that is all I did. I had a fantastic time today. Me and Fausto took some instruments up on the hill of the castle of Brescia and played a bunch of songs and tonight his friends, he & I went running & horsing around the twilight streets of Brescia. I felt 14 or 15 again. In fact, all day I was horsing around. I feel like such a complete person my goals are complete!
I phoned Giovanna today and she answered the phone. Today she sounded flighty & if there is one thing I cannot tolerate is when girls act flighty. I hope she does not when I meet her by the famous Arena of Verona tomorrow. Tomorrow, I can tell, is going to be one terrifically fun day of psychology with Giovanna, as it always is with her, but tomorrow will be special. You wait and read tomorrow. I can feel it. But I am ready!!!

September 26th, 1975
(S)(A)
I can sum up the feeling I have this morning in 4 words: My success is assured.
How right I was. I arrive in Verona 3 hours early. Giovanna & Carla were ½ hour late. We made plans of how we were to find time between their parents so we could visit during the weekend. I am to stay in Ostiglia ending Sunday. I found a new apartment complex that is unfinished and there is a ladder to the 2nd story window so I have a place to stay for the weekend. I am writing this Saturday morning. It is surprising what a good night’s sleep can do. I feel like a child again! It is a good thing because I feel like I am beginning my life over again. There are thousands of important impressions, which can be received in the reverie of the morning in a warm bed when not quite awake. Remember what Karbo said, that if you ever find yourself being hateful or revengeful or uneasy it is because you are in a situation, which recalls to your subconscious mind unpleasant thoughts. Remember these & change them.

September 27th, 1975
(L)(S)(S)
I want Giovanna to want to marry me and I want to have her come to America. I want to write a detailed letter to Beth Hayward on fine stationary and a one-page note to Jim Tippey.
Preface to September 27th – I had no idea when I started this year that I would be feeling like this – so wonderful – so wonderful – really. I had not idea that Joe Karbo’s book would work so many wonders. But it has, and I think it will keep working. But I have got to begin to understand the workings of the mind & mine in particular. It is a solvable mystery.
Today was probably the best September 27th of my life. I met Giovanna at 2:30 at the train station and we drove her motorbike out to the Po River amongst a grove of interspersed trees and we made love twice. We lay out, practically on muddy ground, for one or one and a half hours – it was bliss. Then she bought me some treats – coffee, & mints & cake. Later, we met again in the evening, along with Carla & we went to their cousin Margarita’s house and I think I ate more than any day in the last 2 weeks.
I believe the reason I ended up screwing Giovanna is the following: I visualized beforehand and then I was overwhelmed with the inspiration to not even try to make her. – In fact, I almost tried not to – and I ended up fucking her – visualize! I have a clue to my $100,000, 3-year trip around the world. When I get home I will make some beautiful cards, saying only – Green Hanab, Adventure, $1000 per day. It is crazy but these ideas work!

September 28th, 1975
(S)(E)
In Italy
Today I had a super suggestion of being a master of love. Can you imagine me munching on pizza in the California Club in Ostiglia Italy with a cute Italian blonde leaning on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings in Italian and rubbing her nose and lips around my face. I’ve got a tip for adventurers – if you are ever approached by officials or feel uncomfortable because you are a foreigner always remember to act cool, as if you know what is happening, even if you have not the slightest idea! I learned this from a fugitive in Mexico and it works.
Last night I got an idea. Remember the poems I kept entitled, “Poetry of a Madman!” I am to write all my songs from the lines therein. The collection is at grandma’s house. For example, “Well, it does not often happen” is the first line of one of the poems and this is to be made into a song with the same title. I think I may send a postcard to Galen Marshall –it is an interesting idea. I think I am going to begin rating every girl I have had contact with in order – 1 to 50!!!

September 29th, 1975
(F)(L)(S)
Around Giovanna
I have many things to tell you tonight – one thing is I have decided on the core of my personnel for my company if they want to work with me. I may list them at the bottom of this page, if I have room left over. The second thing is Giovanna & Carla. I do not know why but I am almost sure I am going to screw Carla. I think I may end up in bed with both at the same time. I have an immense affection for Carla & it is turning into (almost) a love. The third thing is I must express to you the immense power I am experiencing – it is vast – that is the only word I can use to describe it. My mental faculty is becoming more efficient. The thing is that I am staying in a beautiful hotel room tonight for $4.00. The fifth is the list of memories I have started. But I never have room to finish.

September 30th, 1975
(L)(S)
Somehow, in my own right, I have achieved spectacular success. Tonight I am sleeping in a 3-bed hotel room with a small deck and a marble floor. Tomorrow morning I expect my beautiful blonde Italian girlfriend & her sister to knock on my door and wake me up and take me to Bologna for a visit. In 4 days I will meet my Swiss girlfriends. – If this isn’t the beginning of big success, what is? I want to have women, women, women enter into my sex life. And I want life to pay off on my own terms.

October 1st, 1975
(A)(S)
Today I awoke at 7:30. Giovanna dashed into my room at 8:00 and kissed me – her blonde hair flashing. We went to Bologna – saw a statue of Neptune. We returned by train – had tortellini for dinner. ‘Twas delicious. They dropped (Carla too) me at the hotel 5 minutes ago – the cleaning girl made a neat room of a messy one while I was gone. Gio & Carla gave me 5000 lira for the hotel room. They are marevilgiosa – marvelous.
I think the attitude expressed by my writings of September 30 were a result of the beginning of the influence of my goal – “I always think heterosexual thoughts.” I am not sure, but I have a feeling, my goals are complete. What I mean is that each one is necessary for me and they compliment my personality exactly. I think they are perfect and self-motivating and within their realm I can be happy. Only time will tell. I believe I do not have to worry about masturbating, as it is heterosexual. I know what I am!

October 2nd, 1975
(L)
Jeff Shea can hardly imagine a more relaxed day in his life. Giovanna came to him at 11:00 and knocked on his door – she had brought him a hot cappuccino and a roll to start the day off right. They talked for a while – seriously and when Giovanna had decided she wanted Green the conversation became light hearted. Then they started to kiss heavily. Green runs his hands across her breasts and in the crotch of her pants. She sighed and her eyes gloated over and they laid on the bed, Green motioning up and down, with the clothes between them, but all the juices of love were flowing. Giovanna got up and said goodbye. Green would not have fucked her anyway because he does not want to make her pregnant. She had looked beautiful today. Later in the evening she phoned him only to say that she liked him. He chuckled with delight at the thought of this sweet female phoning only to remind him of her love. He reassured her also and made sure that she would come tomorrow.

October 3rd, 1975
(S)(S)
Today is a hallmark day for the GEC as I have made some important decisions.
I think one of the biggest problems I have had or rather, other people have, is accepting me as I really am, a positive entity, a rarity. In trying to sort me amongst their previous impressions of life they make mistakes, as I believe I am different in one respect than what has come before. I am complete in myself – I do not need followers – and yet I am my follower. I am the people I come in contact with. This will be clearer some day as it is an obscure statement now. I am not spiritual, but in the perfection of my metabolism I become the air I breathe & the fire I see.
Tonight I lay on the same bed as Carla & Giovanna – in their arms – it was affection. All I have to do is say the word & Carla is in bed with me. I have joked her into position! But first Giovanna will have to ask for this. It may take a year – but I think they will be the first. I know I talk a lot about sex, but financial & business have been in my mind.

October 4th, 1975
(S)(L)
1) Topic for tonight – Why my goals are complete – because if they came true I would be great.
2) Topic tonight – I read, I retrace my steps – some of it may be painful but necessary to get back to the fire.

The only reason why people choose one sexual partner over another is because they want results! They choose the person or persons whom they think will give them the most satisfying experience.
Wherever there is a problem, there is a solution, which can be sought after. A problem is, in essence, a difficult decision. A result of being sought after and the problem is deciding what method to use to get the result!
I want everything I expect nothing. I always receive more than I need. I know that in this diary I must sound sometimes like a madman for sex, but I am not. I am just a chap for whom the art of being friends with women comes very easily.

October 5th, 1975
(S)(L)
At Madeline’s
There are many roads to paradise and only one road to Hell! And that is to being to believe you are anything other than perfect. I am satisfied with my arrangement with girls. – Any time I ever think any unpleasant thoughts – or if I am confused – of if I fear – that is, if I ever think any less than that which is prefect – it is not me talking – it is somebody else!
Today Giovanna came at 10:30 and we made love – it was perfect. The scene I will never forget is when she went into the bathroom to dress. She had her shoes on, no pants and her white legs and little ass where showing – she had on a brown-tan sweater – she looked like she was in playboy. Boy, was I happy!
If my mind is not on finance, adventure, love with women, or entertainment, it is not where it should be to make my life what it can & should be!
Tonight I left them. Boy, it was really touching to see Giovanna, clutching, staring, whining and pleading to let me know how much she likes me. She wrote me this: “Green, you don’t know how much I like you Green. I like only to stay with you because you are a good boy – and I should want to travel with you in Europe. I hope you return. I want to see you again. Giovanna.” & she gave me a fancy lighter.

October 6th, 1975
(A)(L)
Luzern, Love Love Love, SS – MOL, Mom’s birthday
I got a series of quick rides – it took me 10 hours to arrive in Luzern. Now I wait for Madeline. I talked to Madeleine on the phone. She sounds so very beautiful! I think I must love her. I hope she wants to kiss me. I hope this real bad! She is very friendly. She likes me – I know. I can figure this much out. Gee do I feel powerful – Look at this

(L)(S)
My Decision
I wish everyone luck in this life – and happiness. I wish no one evil. Please forgive me for my shortcomings, ignorance, and what misgivings I may be plagued with. I am only human nothing near the perfection we would like to achieve. But remember I have to live with my faults. Not you. Please let us not plague each other with each other’s misgivings. I do not want to hear about them.

October 7th, 1975
(L)(F)
At Madeleine’s, Madeline comes this morning at 9:00am, SS – Master of love, Love Love Love
It is only seven o’clock in the morning but I have decided on a financial deal. I want to open up a foreign bank accounts in Switzerland, Great Britain, France, Italy, Germany, Mexico, Canada – S.F., New York & Miami – to being with & I want to bring their accounts – every one of them – to the equivalent of $10,000,000.00. Do you think this idea has any correlation with goal (11) page July 28 – You beat it does! I met Madeline. Picked up $50 in Swiss Francs at bank from Dad. Received a letter from him. I do not know about Madeline. Annalise comes tomorrow. I slept on Lake Lucern in a house.

October 8th, 1975
(L)(S)
At Madeleine’s, SS - Master of Love, Amour
Annalise loves me. She is not the best looking girl, but if she wants to take me to bed I will let her! Jesus, you could not imagine how powerful I feel. Annalise comes later tonight.

(S)(S)
My decision on Physical Harm to Others & Myself
It is necessary for myself to decide how I will behave in respect to physical harm to others and myself in the next 130 years. My decision is as follows: I believe it is not right to harm others or myself. I shall never hit, cut, poison, strangle or bring physical discomfort to myself or to any other human being. I shall always try to protect the life, safety and happiness of myself & my fellow human beings.
I, personally, believe it is wrong for any human being to abuse another’s body in any way and the gentlest technique is the best. Therefore, I shall always be kind and considerate and I shall never harm myself or fellow man or alter his or my physical state.

October 9th, 1975
(E)(S)
Luzern, At Madeleine’s, SS - Master of Love, Love! Love! Love!
Things have not been transpiring between me & the girls as I thought they might so tomorrow I go to Paris. Oh! Luzern is nice & the girls cook for me & are friendly but I am more akin to aggressive females – these are not – and I guess if they really wanted me to stay I would. Gee, you know sometimes my thoughts are very jumbled & crazy – I know this – but they are always nice I am just a super creative person! The three decisions I made a few days back have really helped me. I look at myself today & think, he is a very good boy. This is true. I just read a 258 pg. book in 3 days. My voice is coming along excellently. I am learning to push & pull a muscle in my chest. Watch out!

October 10th, 1975
(A)
At Madaleine’s, To France, SS – Master of love, Love! Love! Love!
I ate breakfast with the girls this morning and I got a ride to Basil. I put out my thumb in Basil and much to my surprise a woman picked me up. She said she was only going five kilometers. When we arrived she pulled into her driveway and asked me to eat with her family! It was wild. Her husband came up stairs and poured me a drink. I met their 3 children and ate a repast of shish kabob & white wine. After we talked & I had a cognac & coffee & cigarette. I do not know how long this will last. The precision of my mind is incredible and unbelievably exact in every detail. The thing that is most promising & amazing are the situations I get myself into. Je me n’appelle France.

October 11th, 1975
(S)(A)
Paris, Love! Love! Love!, SS - Master of Love
Love, Love, Love. It’s the important thing. If you have not got it in your heart – man, you’ve got no thing! I got 2 substantial rides to Paris today. It’s freezing. Winter begins. The leaves turn red! I want you not to mention your “3 decisions” to anyone – forget about them in the company of others. Merely side step people at the appropriate Moment. I know you can do it and do it discreetly and I know you know what I mean. No negative feelings! Seduce happiness. Be happy, be free! Be lighthearted – obtain a state of mind where you’re untouchable and no one bothers you. Be smiling – quick – untouchable – a mind of lightening! Tonight I sleep with new friends at the “gare” – I have never seen such a motley crew of people & I am one of them!!! But I’ve my wine! You are wonderful.

October 12th, 1975
(A)(S)
Paris
Today I saw the Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, Rembrandt self portraits, the Eiffel Tower & the Arch de Triumph. Paris is so beautiful in the Fall, the leaves all red & on the ground! There is something unexpectedly super sexy about the French girls. O-La-La!! All day I have felt so overwhelmingly confident in myself – my mind is complete & efficient. I think this is the result of no masturbating. I have got to keep this up.
Tomorrow I go to Lille. Now I am drinking French coffee in an Arabian café with two boys from Thailand that saw the sights with me today!! It is absolutely freezing in Paris now. I added to my list of memories today. Jesus, I am bitchin. I like myself a whole lot. I am just so neat!!
I ended up through some mishap getting a room for free tonight. Not much to speak of, but warm & dry! I made some decisions: Number 1, I have decided to keep Joe Karbo’s, or rather, my method for success an absolute secret. I am also to keep a secret my knowledge of loving women and my various “tricks of the trade.” Also, all my plans for the future are to be kept secret. Upon any question as to the reasons for success, I am to attribute it solely to my “good luck.”
Also tomorrow I am to write that decision about recording Sweet Suzanne at the end of this passage. That is all except for these words of wisdom. Real love is not blind. Rather it has an extra eye which can perceive beauty others can’t [I have got an idea to start storing salami’s at Gram’s in the storage room. You know how nice it is to have a supply of those things where you can pick them up free – just whenever I get a little extra cash buy a nice salami or something else that will keep indefinitely!!!! Remember, I never waste an action or thought!!!]

October 13th, 1975
(S)(A)
Lille
19 letters in 37 days
I’ve found the things I like-love, friends, travel & I don’t think 150 years solid would be enough!! I am to keep a bigger journal next year because I like to write my writings of joy and share them someday! I hitched to Lille and left a note for Bernadette at her favorite café. I was eating in a door way & “Francis la fical” said hi to me!! My old friend.
Later, I met Rouzem! So I am sleeping here at his place tonight! Denise sent me 19 love letters in 37 days!!! It looks like there will be a place for me to stay when I return. I plan to fuck her for 3 weeks straight. I figured out why it was so easy for me to pick up 3 girls his summer. They were all on vacation – nothing to lose. For a good reason I am beginning the guitar again.

October 14th, 1975
(S)
Lille
The bottom of the page 1 week ago is what I call getting rid of the source of the problem!
On a chance I hopped a ride on a bus to Bernadette’s house and her sister spotted me waiting below. It’s all set. I meet her tomorrow at 3 pm at Le Cluny Café. She gave to me a little kiss goodbye! O-La-La! Gee whilakers, she is sweet!!!! I actually took a drug called Mandrex last night, but all it did was make me sleep well! (I got up at 2:30 p.m. today.) I have got to start being more generous. I don’t know exactly why but I know I must. Sometimes people tell me I’m cheap. I guess they’re right. I don’t have much to give, but maybe I better start now! What’s that thing in the bible: Give! And ye shall receive in 10,000 fold! Bonjour!

October 15th, 1975
(S)(A)
Lille
Do not pass your wealth before another man’s eyes (Material, Physical, or Otherwise)
I have more to write than I can put on one page. Next year my journal must be bigger. Today was, or is, a 5 star day, make that a 6 star. Today, oh hell, I’ll continue this passage on another page! I write this amid a repast of apple, wine, cheese, bread and hot dogs that I bought! For my friends and I. It really does feel good to give. I have received 1,000 fold - for the feeling.
First I must say that I set up my day tomorrow as follows. Read & enjoy. At 12:00 noon I am to meet an outasight and beautiful girl named Chantal for lunch at Le Cluny café. At 1:30 I am to meet some guy at a nearby café who is to bring me to his house where I will sleep tomorrow night. As soon as I am finished I am to go to Bernadette’s house (about 2:00 p.m.) and we will… visit! At 9 pm we are to be at Le Cluny and we will go to an Italian restaurant for dinner. I think that sounds like a pretty fair day right there, don’t you?
Then on Friday I have an engagement to speak at a school in Lille in front of a classroom of girls for one house about America. Do not ask me how I arrange these things – I don’t know. All I know is I plan to make that speech the best of my life!!!! There are so many pretty girls in Lille I do not believe it!!!!!

October 16th, 1975
(S)(L)(S)(E)
There is only one difference between the crowd and the king. The king can be replaced but the crowds can’t!! – the key to a girl’s cunt is love! Today was unbelievable. I actually had trouble fucking Bernadette. I must begin visualizing! Then it will be O.K. wait & see. I will visualize after I write this. I ended up getting it in & coming shortly after. She’s pissed but she doesn’t show it!! Next, that Chantal is a stone fox and she’s after me! She is – she makes Bernadette, who’s a fox like plain Jane. Tomorrow I speak for class. I sleep with Bernadette Sat. nite. – Almost fought with her but someone came, thank god. I was in the mood for a fight. Not good. Smoke a lot of hash with Rouzem.
Gee, I know so much & yet I know nothing. I think in the future I will have many secrets. God damn I plan to keep the reasons for my success a secret!! There are some ideas that come to me when I least expect it. I seem to have discovered a power source within me and I think I know a little how it works. This may sound crazy but only because of my ignorance of its function. It is like I draw on a little energy from someplace in my head, use it up and draw upon some more – like I am plugged into an electric circuit.
Right now it feels great to draw from this mental storehouse – it is all a glow. I remember a tragic period in my life when it actually hurt to draw from this mental storehouse – it was as if one half of the circuits were disconnected, like walking with one leg. My best friend, Jeff, also went through the same experience and described it as the same as if some one had unplugged the circuits. My job is to learn how to keep these functions operating to their full capacity and then I can allow other people to enjoy this pleasure, but first me. – If I tried to draw on this storehouse and found nothing I would collapse mentally – maybe, - I do not know – but I remember for 2 years I could get the energy I wanted! I must learn how to increase certain power sources and eliminate others – it is so simple it is ridiculous! Once and for all I understand myself!
1. I have a mental storehouse – whatever situation I am in – I respond in the manner which is most deeply engrained, which has the most influence, or power.
2. These patterns of power are engrained in 2 ways – naturally and artificially. As we experience in life we develop conditioning, which says, we will respond in a certain manner to a collection of situations we call life. This is natural conditioning. By visualizing, by purposeful making mental pictures and living a situation, hearing, touching, (everything we equate with reality) we can establish new mental patterns in the storehouse of our minds.
Thus we can establish what our fate will be and how we will react exactly to every situation we encounter & we can chose the situations we wish to encounter by visualizing until the results comes in as perfectly as we want! Thus when the situations that we want come, we draw from the artificially created impressions in our minds. We can draw from the new, more positive, stronger vibrations and thus act in a predetermined, on-the-spot-calculated manner, as minor additions and changes must be computed.
We can condition our minds at any time by living the situations beforehand; and thus prepare ourselves mentally as a boxer or football player does physically. Also, as we act in this new manner we create the real or natural conditioning which is more vivid, more long lasting and effective. (As we learn to use this wonderful, self-and-others benefiting power, we may want to block off certain images for the time being to give ourselves a chance to let the new conditioning grow within us, and just like a seedling it soon takes root and becomes stronger, we allow the conditioning to take over. For example, if a person is very much afraid to walk in a forest at night they can make a mental commitment that they will not walk near or in a forest at night. Or if they do not want to drink because they cannot handle it, they may want to make a mental commitment to avoid drinking parties until they have a new hold on themselves!!!
3. Thus, I have a job to begin. I must being battering my mind with new conditioning – perfect conditioning – and refine the mental conditioning perfectly. Each day my V/C must evaluate my daily performance and evaluate and let me know where I must work to make new conditioning, where I must refine & how – until my days begin to conform exactly with everything I want and expect – I want & expect. I must work until it becomes as nearly 100% successful as possible. This is the next step to my billion dollars!
I have passed the first step – i.e. deciding what I want & refining a plan as perfectly as possible. Now I can really begin progress! It is as if - and it is true that no matter what I do now I will be successful. I can literally guarantee that no matter what I do until my death, at the age of exactly 150 years, I will never suffer the pangs of defeat! I am going to from this day October 16, 1975 on.
I have many faults, but I have a purpose for my entire life and I have a nearly perfect plan – my sixteen goals as written in this book – I understand how to put this plan into action – by reading and re-reading it over and over and visualizing the situations as I would like them to occur; I must visualize over and over again & again until it becomes reality. [Being a master of finance, adventure, entertainment and love. –Ed. Note]
4. A summary. I have now, after 1-½ years passed the first step – this is, deciding exactly what I want, creating a plan – and knowing how to use it effectively! Next, my second step is to put the first step into action!!!!!!! Very simple!! A note lately as I see new patterns developing in my habits I ask myself if I want this or not – very simple. And if my answer is not I make a mental note that I must change and if my answer is yes, I simply allow the habit to keep growing!!!
One last note before I end this. I feel absolutely fantastic. I have begun to play my guitar again. I think I can verify the truth of the preceding pages by telling you that I feel so “right” about this, it is as if I am in heaven, where everything is perfect and my life seems to want to go into that direction and other things are not my concern and I want to say how wonderfully happy I am & how good I feel because I have finally decided what I want.
Also I must say I have no reason whatsoever for deciding on those four choices other than that I want them – this is the Green Hanab of today speaking and I am strong. I must also say how much easier it is to live this way because I have only 4 things to think of and not 10 million. Oh God thank you for the scarcity ‘cause I am lazy cuss!!!
There is another thing I would like to shortly write about. There seems to be a phenomenon in the brain, which is similar to our physical nature. I speak now of disease & health. The principles for disease physically seem to be the same for the mind – mentally. Let us examine these and see if my conjecture is correct. A physical disease enters the body unnoticed – so does a mental disease. Soon after, a physical manifestation of disease will appear. There is also a mental manifestation of a mental disease and because it has effect on ones thoughts, it is also noticeable in the physical actions of a person, and as we know, in an unlimited number of ways, i.e., blinking of the eyelashes or wrong doing or constant crying, etc.
As we also know, some people have an immunity to physical disease – and, is it not true that some people have an immunity to mental diseases. In contrast, many people or susceptible to mental and physical diseases. When Joe Karbo speaks that an important factor in the practice of Dyna/Psych™ is the need to detect and be free of any limitation, he speaks of these many and varied diseases. The limitations are diseases. They prevent us from functioning in the good way that we want to.
Dyna/Psych™, apart from giving us everything material that we want, allows us to have mental health, because it frees us from these limitations or diseases. I have a very good reason for deciding the things I decide and I believe it will be healthier for me to follow these decisions. Do you have fear of catching Typhoid fever, probably ‘no’, but if it was still prevalent in the world you probably would fear it, and with good reason. Likewise, I fear getting any mental diseases. I am trying to achieve and maintain “perfect” mental health. I am trying to strengthen the good points of my mind - my goals are good points – these are the antibodies, and I am trying to eliminate the limitations or “diseases.”
I think you agree it is a good reason for avoiding mental diseases. This I can help myself by avoiding “disease areas” – or places where there are people with diseases I am particularly susceptible and I must strengthen my immunity – is it possible to be immune to a physical disease – for the most part, yes, and also with mental disease, it’s possible to become immune, but we must deliberately seek out each task and strengthen our positive points.
In conclusion for me, I want very much to be a master in all four areas I have chosen for my life’s work. To me anything outside those four areas is a limitation or disease and it is best if I become so “tuned in” to those four areas that everything else becomes “tuned out.” I want to be able to “see” only those four areas so that I perceive only these four things when I look at life, so I recognize life to “be” these things. My life work my joy, my love, my sustenance, so I am afraid of nothing because I am brave in these four areas and it is easy to be brave when you are in love.
Every fact I perceive I want to perceive in the light of these four things, it is like I want all the other lights to be shut off – let us face it, we could invent an infinite number of mental malfunctions – so let us stop looking at them, or we may create bad things – it is as if I want these four lights to be so strong that I am blinded to everything else, but I am constantly in “the light” of something I love. When you think of it, the idea of God is so similar to this it is striking. My idea and the idea of God is the same in substance, but different in form. God is supposed to be “the one light” which is so strong that no one can see any bad and people are always safe because the light of God always showed them the way.
When you think if it, it is really quite striking – the resemblance in ideas – OK I “want” to be dumb to everything else – to be ignorant to other things. I don’t want to see other ways. I want only to see the four lights that I have chosen, but I do want to see them. Oh, how I want to see them – I want them to blind me, to scorch me, to eat me, to even destroy me until I become their essence, until I reflect their light, until I become the light itself.
If another man were given the chance to create his own “lights” in life I think he would take it. I want to project the light of theses ideas everywhere I go for the rest of my life, and when I die, the light of these four things will be the only thing remaining. I want to “offer” myself up to these lights – I might mention the feeling of total consumption. I feel as I write this – it’s magnificent. This is pure inspiration & not thought! I want my life to be pure inspiration & not thought. Inspiration is perfect, thought is not.
Let me ask you a question! What happens when a physical disease is so terrible the body cannot function. And what happens when a mental disease prevents a mind from functioning. The person wants to die. Is there any wonder why? The mental disease causes unbearable pain!!!

October 17th, 1975
Lille, Rouzem’s, SS – Master of love
It is a crime to give to people who do not want to receive!!
Today was bitchin. I gave a one hour “impromptu speech” at an all girl’s school in front of 30 girls and a female teacher not to mention Bernadette & her friend Chantal. Oh Jesus Chantal is a fox! But I have promised myself to be “only a friend” with her. She is so bitchin’. (I will leave Sunday for Giovanna.)
I talked about America & California. It was a well-accepted speech. (The days after & including Oct 4th, which are crossed off, are days I masturbated. Let’s us try to eliminate them. Eliminate the negative – accentuate the positive.) Tomorrow I sleep with Bernadette. I can’t wait. When I leave Sunday all the come I have in me will be at Bernadette’s house!!! The days with circle I came in a cunt.

October 18th, 1975
(S)(E)(L)
Lille, France, SS – in church – Master of Love
Help! I am on a positive stream and I can’t get off. No matter what happens I am positive about it! (Actually it’s fine with me!) I cannot explain the reason for myself. If I am supposed to be sad, I am happy. I love it of course! I have been playing the guitar. My fame is inevitable because I am good & Jesus, I was sure gifted with good looks. So was Chantal. We made love with our eyes & gestures today. I am going to keep this going by mail and maybe someday… but now my chief concern is Bernadette. It’s really funny. I guess I am not the greatest lover in the world but I sure enjoy kissing and rolling around with girls. Maybe someday I will be a better love. I am satisfied & my goals are complete.

October 19th, 1975
(S)(L)(A)
To Belgium
The beginning of my re-copying of my goals – good until Jan 1st and reviewed by my secretary!
This is a poem Chantal showed me ‘cause she likes me.

People ask me why I am never sad.
They find it curious & perhaps they are right.
But I tell them of what use is it to be sad.
Let us have fancy.
The world is sad enough.

I am not even going to wait to write today even though it is only noon, because the first half of the day was so fantastic. Since the last writing I have fucked Bernadette 3 times. 2 real good ones! The second time was the best feeling my dick going all the way up to her cervix. It took about 5 minutes of my stiff penis up against her hole before it was in but after that it was bliss. I held her ass in my hands and pushed my dick in and out – a love slide of joy!
Now, soon, I will eat a big French lunch with B. and be off for Belgium, Germany & Italy in the next 2 days.

October 20th, 1975
(S)(A)
Germany – Austria – Italy
Of course we all have problems, problems do exist. But if you cry over yourself instead of trying to make up things, you will just get more problems, and more sadness. Teach yourself to seek remedies; you’ll see remedies do exist.
I write this on 21st. I have just gone through 5 countries in 48 hours. I went from France, to Belgium to Germany to Austria to Italy and phoned Giovanna at 3:50 p.m. She answered after 2 or 3 rings – happy to hear me. I will see her at the train station in Ostiglia on Thursday at 9:00 a.m.! Mission accomplished!! During those two days I saw Brussels. I saw one of the foxiest blondes in Europe at a small party in Aachen. I met a secret agent from…

October 21st, 1975
(A)(S)
Austria - Italy
…Texas who was stationed in Germany and he had connections so I ate a bunch of food & drank a lot of beer! I saw Innsbruck & the most magnificent scenery ever at Bavaria & the Austrian Alps. Today, & God, I don’t know why – it was just shy from perfect, I had a free lunch with beer and a free dinner with beer from different people. I am in Bolzano, Italy – as I think here I stay.
However mean your life is, meet and live it. Every day we are obliged to do things, which bore us at first sight. Why shouldn’t we try to make them attractive? You cannot know how happy you are when you love the things you do.

October 22nd, 1975
(S)(A)
I expect the Oct 23rd chart will be very useful to me in the solving of any and all problems I may wish to consider. Now is the time to be honest to myself!
Also take time to listen to people, to see all that is around you. There’s no need to be in a hurry, we will soon be dead enough! Take all the love that is in you to live your life fully. Life is something serious; let it be merry not tragedy. Francoise Merry Oh!
Today I came from Bolzano. I will be in Ostiglia shortly where I will meet Giovanna shortly. I want to change my goals slightly to conform so: I want to say “I am satisfied with these four areas in life” and I think my goal implies that anything that conflicts in any way with my goals is out for one and that anything outside these goals for the rest of my life is a waste of time & I do not like to waste my time. So I can live happily for 150 years thinking of these four things.

October 23rd, 1975
(S)(A)(L)
(Diagram showing head of a man in front forehead: labeled Mental, at Jaw labeled physical, at back upper of head labeled emotional and at back lower of head labeled Sexually.)
OK. I have finally come up with that chart of the mind I wanted. I believe it’s true there are four equal controlling factors in every human, possibly every animal. They all have a “mind of their own” and they all must be satisfied one way or another, or there is trouble! Thus, the reason for the eternal internal conflict in man!

“All is Fair In Love & War.”

Joe Karbo: Remember, the power to make things happen the way you want them to happen has always been available. Problems are difficult decisions. Yesterday in a town of 600 people 17 children gathered around me & spoke to me for ½ hour. It was funny, amusing and great. Today Giovanna was beautiful. We made out, my hard dick against her crotch. Rosemary saved me from a fight & turned day into night. I really must thank her – and use her!! She solves problems. Giovanna brought me lunch & breakfast. I am at a hotel now in Ostig. At eight I’ll go – maybe Giovanna will come to café. When I return I think I will make an all-out study of hetero-sex! Remember, the real solution to everything is positive in nature – what you want to do.

October 24th, 1975
(S)
Italy
I put a hell of a lot of blood sweat and tears into this diary and if you don’t read it and follow its decisions, you can go to hell!
Saw Giovanna – kissed. She phoned – said she liked me. Wrote an adventure story 36 p. About Twainheart. Ate heartily – cased out Tower for tomorrow.
There is no substitute for the way you feel – love nor money. You can sell yourself on anything you want in life – you can make yourself believe anything – but if you don’t sell yourself others will! Take good care of Giovanna’s ego – she is going to be a very important figure in your life.

October 25th, 1975
(S)(A)
To say: I do not ‘not want’ this thing is the same as saying – I want this thing. So we must not consider the things we do not want!! We must say ‘no’ to some things!
Today I met Giovanna at noon we went to Modena together and later at about 6 we parted company. Girls are so wonderful. I am so glad they are here on earth to keep me company. My heart is so full of love for them. Giovanna gave me 3000 more lira today & told me to go to the best restaurant in Town so I did. She’ll phone tomorrow. Later I went climbing around the rooftops of Ostiglia. We didn’t even kiss once today. It was kinda neat. That girl is so nuts for me I do not believe it!

October 26th, 1975
(S)
Around Italy
To say, I do not ‘not’ want everything is to say I want everything. But I do not want every thing there is to have. I want only everything I want!!!
I want Giovanna Ghidini to love my butt for the next 3 years and Denise for her lifetime! It’s good for them! Remember you got Denise to love you just when she was beginning to hate you by persisting in the thought that she was crazy about you! It works! It worked before! By God, I achieved success tonight. By December 7th I want every second of my time devoted to the concentrated effort of something and I want my system in love to be complete & organized & perfect!

October 27th, 1975
(S)
12 noon – I just made up a beautiful thought! “Life wants to make me happy!” If you‘re ever blue, 1 hour of thinking this is sure to make you happy! Make it into a song!
You know, I really think I am going to make it. I really think I should be able to make my life what it can and should be. I really feel great - my thoughts & actions! I am back at the hotel Maria in Revere at my room with 3 beds – what bliss! Giovanna & Carla bought me dinner. They both love me.

October 28th, 1975
(S)
One month ago today the idea came to me to somewhat lower my goals as to money – not out of fear or negative thinking but because I believed there were more important things to me. I was completely sane. I gave myself one month to decide. Today, I want the decision.
I am writing this in the morning because I have a diary of unlimited space now because I can buy notebooks and finish what I start here – and suddenly an uncontrollable urge to write of my success ideas and happiness has overtaken me. I know it has something to do with the fulfillment of my goals! For one thing – I do not want to lose the powerful advantage I have gained – and the second thing is that I truly believe these writings are valuable.

October 29th, 1975
(S)(E)
Hey, there ain’t no way no one is going to convince me other than that Giovanna is absolutely totally in love with me. I won’t stand for less. Tomorrow she’ll throw herself at me. I am determined to fuck her at least once more before I leave to prove myself to myself.
Official order no .1 when I begin December 7th my company I shall type 3 copies of the charter. I must produce a sealing wax kit and a stamp of G.H. or G.G.H. or H. or of the global and send 3 copies to myself. If after December 7th I should like to copyright any pieces of entertainment, be it songs, poems, etc. I can send in the form I like 2 or 3 copies of the work to myself. These shall be stored in certain places so as to assure their safety. 1 open copy shall be kept available in my records, which shall be kept in a safe that I am to purchase when I get the money. This safe is to be fire-proof & shall be the sole property of the Global Entertainment Co. which is the sole property of Green Hanab, born S.F. 15 July 1955.
On March 21st we shall have the first recording of the Global Entertainment Co. – it shall be Green Hanab singing – “Sweet Suzanne.” We shall have 5 recordings of this: 1 copy in safekeeping, 1 in record and 2 in the safekeeping of someone else – the recording shall take place at Half Mood Bay in a hotel room that looks over the ocean. Along with a copy of the recordings shall be mailed 3 copies of the words to this song as follows:

Sweet Suzanne, sun shines on you
Walking by the ocean
Lovely day,
misty warmth and splashing tides
On a lovely day.
Sweet Suzanne, Sunshine on you
Wind plays on your hair
See your eyes
Sparkle in such quick surprise
On a lovely day.
Sunday is such a lovely day
Sunday is such a lovely day
Sunday is such a lovely day.

There shall be no record of instrumentation or music except for what can be distinguished from the musical recording. This is an official paper concerning the GEC and it shall be carried out as reasonably as possible.

October 30th, 1975
(S)(E)
In Ostiglia
What the world needs now is love, SWEET LOVE! The world needs a little humor now! And I plan to give it to them! I decided I am splitting the coop Sunday night. I gotta get out of here.

October 31st, 1975
Cappa’s Birthday
In Italy
Jesus! Do I love Italian women! They are the best!!! That girl here at the hotel is a fox! Fuck, I am learning a lot. Giovanna kissed me a little tonight. Look at me, staying up writing all night – Thinking, staying 1 step ahead of the class! Go to sleep!

November 1st, 1975
(A)
Fly to Montreal
Left Giovanna at Hotel Maria.

November 2nd, 1975
(A)(S)
Went from Piacenza to Monte Carlo today!! Absolutely beautiful!

November 3rd, 1975
(A)
Written on the 4th
Life is totally bitchen’. Once in a while the “old” me – Mr. Worry – comes back but it just goes to show you have got to fight it. I hitched to Narbonne today and tonight I have learned you must fight some things. I love everyone. You must know I will always know Giovanna adores me! There’s no way around it!

November 4th, 1975
(S)(A)
Spain is Bitchin’. I am in love with a country
The best defense is a good offense – (not the other way around – do not forget that!) Never stop improving your offense! Don’t worry about your defense if your offense is good enough you don’t need one! If you drop the ball you’ve got to pick it up and run with it! Otherwise the opposition will do it! But if you lose the ball you’ve got to defend until you get it back again!!!!
…Came to Barcelona. If I was human I’d be tired.

November 5th, 1975
(A)(L)
I am sitting in the Madrid Airport. It is November 6th 5:00 a.m. There’s a foxy girl not too far away. I am in love. I no longer have to hesitate in my thoughts or actions. They are ingrained before I start. I feel as if powerful as a baby star. Tomorrow will be better. I came from Barcelona on sheer guts in 15 hours. Someone said before it should take 48 – I had 4 beers. Every one is nice or they’re ignorant. It’s OK. So am I!!!!!!!!!

(Continued from September 1)
53. Eve (Santa Barbara 3/76)
54. Irene Vidal (21)
55. Karen Valentine
56. Robin Outzen

November 6th, 1975
(A)(S)
Not that I needed any defenses for my present habits but if someone asked: A woman is young as long as she’s looking good, a man is young as long as he keeps looking? & at 2:00 pm today I‘m going to Montreal. Don’t ask me how I do it – I do. Met Robert Potter – important. Feel great! Arrived in Montreal – fantastic flight – 12 beers, 2 joints, 2 scotches & a 6-hour time change plus staying up ‘till 2 really drains me! One Bob McDonald is going to allow me a night at his place. Phoned Ma & Pa & spoke to Marc – asked D & Mom for $$. The weather is nice. Boy am I wasted. Happy!

November 7th, 1975
(A)(L)
I should be in North America today!!
Can you imagine some day when I get confident I will change my tune to: Everybody likes me, nobody hates me! (Inside joke) Well, I am in North America today! Did not do much at Bob’s apartment. Phoned Denise – unreal – talked from Montreal 1 ½ hours – must be $75 – my stock went down to 25 cents! Gulp! Big shit. God, Denise is so thoroughly hooked on me, I am almost scared, ‘cause I don’t want to hurt her or let her down. She mentioned marriage. Fat chance! I’m going to have to make her strong so she can take it when I say “no” – you have got to wait for people to come to you!

November 8th, 1975
(S)
Saw downtown Montreal today. Woke at 12. Went to The Mustache – saw a group – they were pretty good. I went girl watching today. Montreal is loaded with beauties!! Went dancing with Russell’s girlfriend – Marie. She turns me on. My system I created is taking effect. Life was not meant to be tragic. Mine is going to be historic. I mean I feel so good! And I am always going to get better because I am planning now to get & stay on top!

November 9th, 1975
(S)
My power is growing daily – the effects of my code will never cease to amaze me – it will work perfectly. I don’t know why. All I know are little bits of a big scheme but someday I will know as fully as He who is enlightening me. I will become great by the very power of life – I pulled its switch on my bed, in the summer before college. Remember that day – you stumbled upon something by accident!

November 10th, 1975
(E)
You have got to take life by the horns, my boy! Man, am I having a lot of fun in life! It is what life is all about! – I receiver $175 by Wednesday. Plan to go to Florida and B.C. and Mom’s before I get home. I really have been improving my voice. Man, they got good music up here in Montreal. It’s nice to know Giovanna thinks good of me, wants & loves me. I don’t have to have reassurance – it’s just I know. And I know & trust myself – no matter what I think!!!!!

November 11th, 1975
(L)(S)
I know Giovanna loves me. She’s sending me vibes!
Sometimes I suspected what I dreamt the night before – but I instinctively know when I have dreamt of sex with girls – and I did last night. That’s why I feel so fucking relaxed today! I’m bitchin’ – Gosh, all I keep thinking of is how much Giovanna likes me. I never felt a better feeling in my life – it’s totally reversed – I’m thinking how much she likes me! She’s nuts about me!

November 12th, 1975
(S)
A woman is like a shadow, if you follow her she flees you, if you flee her she follow. Love is the law but love under will!

November 13th, 1975
(L)
If Denise is smart enough to get me to marry her – she can have me but if she was smart enough to have me. Went to lecture on physiology. After the lecture went and bought crepes and after went to Rainbow. Saw Blake & Debbie there. Met 2 girls. I just leaned over and told them we were coming to sit with them. We were all proud of ourselves because we talked to them for 2 ½ hours. We went home J.L. and I and talked and said Goodnight!

November 14th, 1975
(F)
Woke at 1:00 and went to center of town – received $150 from home. Bought Ameripass went for crepes & strawberries – had a beer with it. Walked around for 4 hours trying to get home in the new fallen snow. Just when I gave up I lifted my head to find J.L.’s Judo school. Learned all kinds of ways to hurt people. Mid-sagital line, etc. Kind of like and electric shock. Laughed at Nat’l Lampoon.

November 15th, 1975
(S)(L)(A)
Woke up thinking some new things – I decided to give up “talking” and “looking” at girls. Only get you into trouble in a lot of ways. Went to Bob’s Birthday party. Kissed 4 girls Bye Bye. Outasight. Read Tony Redienzo, Make out Man! Got on bus for N.Y. after midnight – 2300 reg fare. In the States already. Good to be back home. My mind – all the bad parts are bothering me less. I’ve got them cornered!!!

November 16th, 1975
(A)(S)
Went to New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, and N. Carolina on bus. I sure like the bus. I decided to quit marijuana for good. So now I’ve quit marijuana, hitchhiking & masturbating for the rest of my life. I believe it is outasight! I will give you an explanation in supplement! I met one Bob Malloy – World Traveler today who has done some unreal things. He plans to take a horst through Amazon.

November 17th, 1975
(A)(S)
I’m coming up with some dynamite things. Frankly, I don’t really believe how wonderful have been the conceptions of the last few days. That thing about the Hidden power is really a trip. Miraculously transformed, etc! Wow! Went to Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana – New Orleans, and later I’ll arrive in Baton Rouge, Little Rock, Arkansas, Memphis, Louisville Kentucky, St. Louis, Oklahoma City, Amarillo, Albuquerque, Salt Lake and Portland?

November 18th, 1975
(A)(S)
Those wonderful things that I came up with are working. I literally thought myself into approximately 24 orgasms today! Believe it or not! Thinking about girls. Right now I just got hard thinking of it and my dick feels all a fire. I am sane again. I have not felt like this for 15 years. It will get better. New Orleans to Tenn.

November 19th, 1975
(A)(S)
I got to Kansas City today and I am now waiting to board for Salt Lake City, Utah. I want to sleep a little now!

November 20th, 1975
(S)
Do you know that there are very few sincere people? It took 19 days from Admission Day (1) until Nature, God, enlightened me about love. I have a mission in life now because I understand the mystery of the Universe. I must spread it to the world! I’ll get to Salt Lake City, Utah tomorrow morning. I just hope the answer proves to be as true as God’s Arrow!!!!

November 21st, 1975
(A)
Arrived in Salt Lake in the morning. Missed my direct bus and had to wait five hours for the next one. Met some people and went to Cheyenne last night – I got slightly intoxicated. I accidentally on purpose spilled a drink on a guy and a girl who were making out because I liked the girl and I didn’t want to watch – she was a girl from England. (I must write better!)

November 22nd, 1975
(A)
Arrived at Bend in the morning. I went to Mom & Vic’s new house – it is in front of a river, chopped wood in back, and fireplace in middle. The highlight of my stay as usual was food – we all ate large roast beef! Mother smile at everything; Vic is a comedian at heart. I stayed up after them and watched the fire.

November 23rd, 1975
(L)(A)
Trout breakfast this morning at Mom’s before I left! Mom bought me a milkshake. (My mind is on food again.) I rode through Redding. After Redding I met one Candy Carter with whom I conversed all the way to San Francisco. She is 6’ and beautiful. Her phone number is 726-****. She lives on Francisco St. second to last house on rt. Side (white house).

November 24th, 1975
Arrived San Francisco
Arrived at 1 a.m., phoned Denise from 7th street, bus depot and arrived at her house approximately 3 a.m. ‘Slept’ is a poor description of our experience on her bed on our first night. She has cut her hair. I have not telephoned my father or other relatives. I tried to phone Taylor. Needless to say, I enjoy being bed partners with a girl again.

November 25th, 1975
At Denise’s – I reached the Taylor household by telephone today and my friend Michael unfortunately in light of my desire to see him is in a foreign country of which variety I have no other clue than it lies between Bogota Colombia and San Francisco. Mrs. Taylor invited me for dinner in the short future when I shall relate my trip.

November 26th, 1975
At Denise’s – Denise’s intuition is causing her pain as it is informing her of my opposition to matrimony avec her. She left the house in pain and returned out of pain but the future unfortunately but undoubtedly will make the suspicion reality, as I will refuse her will of matrimony with me. Many fucks.

November 27th, 1975
(L)
Thanksgiving - Went to Denise’s parents. Her father gave me the car til Saturday. To my disbelief Denise’s father trusted me with the car until Saturday night, which just goes to show that his generosity outdoes or rather works along with his laziness! Denise’s brother was fascinated by the rhythmic squeaks emanating from her boudoirs and made a point to investigate.

November 28th, 1975
(L)
At Denise’s – Much to her Denise’s distress her brother Jimmy made an additional investigation into her room, upon which the youngster discovered an intriguing sight: I was laying on top of his sister. (To my happiness, his delight and Denise’s dismay, he stood incredulous as to why we had only our socks on – (if those!) Really! The boy is almost 17.
Decision concerning diary – copy over word for word this diary. Store this diary in a safe deposit box and the keys in 1 other safe deposit box in S.F and 1 in my safe!

November 29th, 1975
(L)
Thanksgiving
Marina’s birthday
Dad came by this morning at Denise’s – he was thoroughly pissed! Fucked Denise 2 times. It is getting so I can kid her about not getting married! Drove her to Pacifica. Returned the car. Went home! Dad gave me a lecture – to begin our reunion!! Met Mark F. & Helen & Paul. My father seems to have a nasty case of whatever infliction makes one always believe him to be in the right!

November 30th, 1975
(E)
Spent the day at Dad’s. – Later I phoned Hockridge and he broke a date with his girlfriend to drink with me. Get this – Flash! Tom wants to learn to play the guitar and it sounds like he wants to start a group! – and he thinks a good way to learn is with Beatles songs! It couldn’t be more perfect! Saw my brother Mike and he wants to play guitars with me.

December 1st, 1975
(F)
Saw Marc. I am presented with a most unfortunate circumstance of having the catching disease of a lack of abundant supply of paper currency, which seems to cause various delays and hassled (difficulties) in the pursuance of the sought after paradise – The Good Life!

December 2nd, 1975
(L)
Note – My vacation is 5 months 5 days.
Much to my astonishment I am thoroughly pleased with my arrangement at my home – father is being very nice and so is Marc – diner prepared – desert too. Steady girl – steady bed – Bliss and joy is in my head.

December 3rd, 1975
(F)
I visited Gammy today and retrieved my left goods – everything I own is at 165 Lake Drive. I sent to Giovanna a letter and pictures. I applied to unemployment 2 days ago. I am a touch horny. Sort of stuck up on Lake hill, I have determined to look for a job tomorrow. Constant laughter happens in this house.

December 4th, 1975
(F)(E)
Today, in an effort for work I applied – I believe I got the job. I got to use Marc’s car & went down to Hockridge’s and we went to Hoover School at the little amphitheatre and sang songs & drank. I was really drunk when I got to Denise’s and in lieu of love I fell asleep. Boy – Tom & I really get along great. Tomorrow – guitar.

December 5th, 1975
(E)(L)
Today I helped my Dad move his files to the court in San Jose. At 6 Hock & I went out and bought him a neat little steel string guitar. He is terribly excited about it. Somehow my plan is working out perfectly. Denise & I make all kinds of love for hours tonight. She must be sore in the crotch. I gave Tom his first lesson on guitar.

December 6th, 1975
(F)
Today I got a job & decided to quit before I started because the pay was not good enough. I’ve been bothered with Denise, but I felt closer to her tonight. Of course she still loves me thought often I try her patience.
Tomorrow, however it may pass, is Chapter 1, Page 1, in the story of my company. At least, it’s a start – at most – a beginning.

December 7th, 1975
(F)(S)
Today I set foot in San Mateo for the 1st time since June 16th.
Charter of the Global Entertainment Co. – Founded by Jeff Shea, 7 Dec. 1975.
On this day, the Global Entertainment Company, owned and founded solely by Jeff Shea, is to begin operations for the purpose of fulfilling Jeff Shea’s goals to make wealth; and bring happiness to everyone who is exposed to his works. The following possessions are the assets listed as follows: Jeff Shea’s only guitar purchased four years ago for $120, 300 shares of MGTA stock, every possession in the pack he has brought home, and the entire content of three boxes of belongings at his grandmother’s house. The present value of these assets is an estimated $700. Every three months Jan 1 Apr 1 Jul 1 and Oct 1 beginning 1976 Green Hanab shall personally make record of all this material assets and this shall comprise a single volume, which shall hold the contents of this information.
These books will be terminated on July 15 at 7:00 am, the year of our Lord 2105. This company shall be in existence approximately 129 years 220 days 7 hours. The code of the company is as follows: I am a master of entertainment. I practice daily making myself and other people happy. I always perform successfully. I will be light-hearted until the end of my days. Life, to me is fun. I always choose the right entertainment. This company and all of its holdings shall always be the property of jeff Shea and no one else. Its total worth will not exceed $1,000,000,000 ($1 billion). If more assets become apparent they shall be converted to some cash for to be put to the purpose of making any and all admission to concerts and performances as free as possible or free, if possible.
The purpose and standards of the company will always remain the same despite any changes other institutions may undergo, or despite any hardships or influences which may hit the company or its friends and players. Jeff Shea is always allowed to appear or perform at anytime. This charter is not to be amended.

December 8th, 1975
(S)
If I went into a salesman’s job I would never be able to compete because I don’t have what they have & never will – and I have no desire to.
But I do have some things that nobody else has and no one every will have them. I will not have to compete to be the best at my talent because I am the only one that has it. I am the only source of… well shall we call it… Green Hanab!!
I’ll go to Taylor’s tomorrow for dinner. If I had at least a few dollars I could sent the many letters that I’ve got to send. Wish I could see D.B!

December 9th, 1975
(E)(L)
Tom let me use his car today. I bought strings and repaired his new guitar!
Today was blank! I fixed Hockridge’s guitar – we practiced. I did have fun at the Taylor’s house with the Mister & Missus and roast beef & wine. But after I made a bad love for Denise… which only made her love me more – and me her.
My Christmas list:

1) Another diary
2) An amplifier for my guitar
3) Money
4) Secure Dad’s dictionary for myself – that can be his gift!
5) 1 case Heineken beer!

December 10th, 1975
(E)
*********
Today was a nine star day - that is, it could not have gotten much better!
1) I saw my Dad in court
2) My girl phoned me twice tonight and spoke with me 3) I got in a call to my beloved Gram
4) My best present buddy Tom – soon to be performing with me at night-clubs came over & we sounded better than ever before. “It’s almost like a love affair having our partnership.” My enthusiasm helps.

December 11th, 1975
(E)(L)
Whose generosity is boundless?
Good day. I added Bernadette to my love section in my binder and wrote her a letter. I practiced my voice – I guarantee that it will improve rapidly now. I have found where my voice box is – it is were the x is in the picture. (Diagram labeled me and an x in the base of my throat.)
Tonight I saw Denise. It’s so much fun being so much in love! I fucked her twice tonight.

December 12th, 1975
(E)(L)
Invention of Sky-Jets, Zoom & Zap
Tonight I went to a party at Fred Nelson’s (soon to be my bass player!) – with T.H. and Debbie & Denise. Afterwards we parked – Denise gave me a little head job in the back seat – later at night Cappa burst into Hockridge’s room and I talked with him for the first time in 6 months.

December 13th, 1975
(L)
My first real blow job from my girlfriend!!
At 5:30 p.m. Dad allowed me use of his car so I went to Denise’s American Legion Party. Beforehand we made love. During, I was slightly upset due to what I interpreted to be rudeness on the part of many drunken people – just as last night, I didn’t drink but one beer and what a difference this has made in our lovemaking. We loved for 20 minutes afterward and then she gave me a blowjob and I came in her mouth. It was exquisitely satisfying. We lay like children later & got home at 5 a.m.

December 14th, 1975
I become Sky-Jet
Tonight I become sky-jet strato-general four star Hanab – the highest rank in our new invention to burn Clymer. Gary is 2 star – Tom 3 star and Rob 1 star and I am Sky –jet, Tom Zoom, Gary – Zap and Rob Zowie. We have invented a new language stratese and are stark raving lunatics at our ages for being so juvenile. For the 1st time in our 8-year friendship I am on top.

December 15th, 1975
(E)(L)
My voice takes leaps & bounds
Tomorrow comes my money, hopefully. Spent the entire dray outwitting each other – Marc, Paul & D. Marc & I had a guitar session in which my voice is improving 100%! & I’ve read 240 pages of D. Copperfield so far. Fucked Denise for 20 minutes tonight. I am a fairly good lover but only when I don’t drink liquor because that invariably spoils it. Denise bought me a real far out shirt.

December 16th, 1975
(F)(L)
Finally = Money!!
After some fight - and fascinating legal assistance by Marc, we managed to get $33 dollars from one fat Mrs. Kraemer, who bulldog-like immediately and unknowingly gave her heart to me, by which I could have written this before it ever happened - I knew it was going to require confrontation and I went c/o T.H. to Fred’s with Denise and we made out!

December 17th, 1975
GEC Bulletin No. Uno
I thoroughly thrashed myself in a game of tennis w/Moc 2-6-5-6 but it’s not over yet. I went to Gammies. Denise called me this afternoon. So what to say! Life is great. I want to sing but know how hot to get started. I think I must being the Global Entertainment Company. I saw Cathie Radovich - my girlfriend when I was 5 years old. Oh! How they adored me!!!!

December 18th, 1975
Woke at Gram’s – discovered they sent her back the $100 she sent to me therefore I don’t have to pay her back - ! I received nearly $20 from Cutco today – why? Who knows and I received a 7-volume set – The Secret of the Ages 1925 by Bob Collier. Phoned Denise - & the other way around – meet her tomorrow at 2:00 – 15 minutes and Lyon’s and will spend the night with her on a waterbed.

December 19th, 1975
(L)
S E X the 20th is!
I lost a game of tennis to Marc & then Denise & I went to a hotel. Counting what we did tomorrow we made love 6 times until 12 noon tomorrow – and I had (by necessity 6 orgasms of fine vintage – we had a waterbed and a color TV & went out to dinner & generally blew $30 of our collective money. Wait till you find out how important…

December 20th, 1975
Dad Gets Behind Me!
…and extremely important thing happened today! (Mike T. is home) my father & I argued 2 hours and then I was crying & then I told him my plans for my company and then he said he’d get behind me & he loves me with his heart & always will and he’s going to give me the moral support for my GEC - and he said I will have it.

December 21st, 1975
(L)
Taylor Clymer
Went out with Denise tonight. She is always crying about one thing or another – kind of a depressed child. I really do love her though. What great sex we had tonight. I didn’t go to bed last night - cause I drank with Taylor, Clymer, Cappa, Hockridge! I made $25 at the Flea Market. I think I’ll buy some foreign money with it. I am going to being revealing my plans to people!

December 22nd, 1975
Green, You Have Improved 300% in the Last 300 Days!!!!
Tonight I got totally drunk. Clymer, Gary & Tom and I comprising the 4 BFing B’s split 2 5ths of 10-High & I got drunk & probably was lucky I drove home alive. I helped Marc & Maxine move to Santa Clara – they bought lunch & dinner. Marc’s crabby – I’d be too – so I think I will not move in with Denise - This page is like code.

December 23rd, 1975
Rob Hall’s House
This evening Denise & I went to Rob Hall’s house – we made love before we went – she looked extremely well – Clymer & I had an intellectual discussion & Denise stayed right with us. A few days ago Taylor & I decided to become Master Mind Friends – that we will help one another rise to the top.

December 24th, 1975
(L)
Christmas Eve
I went out with Denise today - & to the city. And we fucked wonderfully 2 times – I was using a peculiar & effective method of pretending to try to resist her and that it was “bad” to have sex & what a delightful time it made of it. I argued at our party this Eve with Dad but all was the better for it & I believe I shall never be afraid to argue again.

December 25th, 1975
(F)(L)
Christmas
I received $60 tonight. Gee I am tired for today. I played in a Toy Bowl our annual football game. I ran my interception back 20 yards and caught a 40-yard touchdown pass. Marc played with us. I am feeling better every day in the true sense. I have $255 saved and $305 I owe people. Denise & I fucked in my downstairs bathroom. Try technique from yesterday.

December 26th, 1975
(F)
Talk Of Plans
Tonight I had a lengthy talk with my Father about my plans & I have been asked by him to draw up a 25 year plan which is due up on the 28th of this month – I shall reveal all because I am sure of myself. I have been all but invited to visit Tippey & Beth Hayward - and Denise is more than ever in love with me & I her.

December 27th, 1975
(L)
Tonight I borrowed Dad’s car & took Denise to Gary’s party but beforehand we parked & made love twice. Jim Romeo made a comment about my Italian girlfriend but luckily Denise did not hear it. As the year closes I reflect that this was the year of the Great Love – well although I am no great lover, I believe I’ve had my Moments - & learned a lot.

December 28th, 1975
(F)
Tonight I reveal to my father my plan – he laughed at it – well – I can’t blame him it sounds so unreal - $1 billion – no matter how much external forces may doubt me, I have a feeling of confidence in my insides – so what if I only make 1/100th of what I want. It wouldn’t be bad. I’m going to go on with my plan. (I need luck!)

December 29th, 1975
(E)
May I say I have recently – like yesterday evening – contracted a doozy of a flu. 102.5 degrees F!! That’s a lot; yes? So I spend the whole day in bed and not a very pleasant day at that. I hate being sick. I read a lot of David Copperfield and played a lot of guitar & read the 1st volume of The Secret of The Ages - a wonderful collection. 1926.

December 30th, 1975
(F)
Today I went to the doctors. I might have mononucleosis on the top of my cold & fever. Good news is maybe. Mr. Taylor may be able to get me a job and the Taylor’s said they’ll sell their car to me for $100 or less! Sounds good to me. And Mike & I decided to start raiding the 1st day I get better. So things in Jan. will be exciting.

December 31st, 1975
(E)(S)(F)(L)
Last Day
I wrote this in the morning because I want to put The Diary in a safe deposit box before the day is over. I have lots to do today. Hope to see Denise – I’m awfully horny –
Summary. If this has not been the most productive & creative year in my life – then I do not know what has been – amazing – 6 girls – a trip to Europe – finish of ½ my college education – but most importantly a tremendous amount of understanding and well being.

~~~

150 year’s of age – happy, well loved, healthy, wealthy, wise.

Don’t worry – it will all come out in the wash!

~~~