“This year is dedicated to the pursuit of:
Master of Entertainment!”

January 1st, 1976
(L)
May this be the best of years! I was stoned drunk at the stroke of the New Year and Denise and I went upstairs at Clymer’s house, as everyone was downstairs and we fell promptly asleep, after a feeble attempt at making love, which was thwarted by our bad humors being interrupted repeatedly by Clymer’s happy girlfriend knocking on our door and inquiring who was within.
I was in a horrid mood till morning on account of a horrid cold, but my spirits woke up in the morning when all the troupers from the New Years vigil roused themselves from their slumbers and congregated in Clymer’s room and we laughed and joked – Clymer, Cappa, Denise and I. Later on Clymer and I took Denise home and then myself. After I arrived home I slept off my terrible illness.

January 2nd, 1976
(E)(A)(F)
I must point out my disappointment at starting off my year with a cough and a sneeze – and I stayed in bed the good part of today and have been extremely tired on account of sickness. I think my body needs to recuperate. And I keep fantasizing that my voice will get better due to the changes the illness will make which is just so preposterous… but I’m trying to look on the bright side of things. Hopefully things will be as fantastic this year as my hopes have predicted. I want to make a lot of money and perform live with a group I’ve formed. I want to go to Canada in the summer and maybe if I have time, go to South and Central America. I want to pay off my debts as soon as possible and store all my money in my Florida bank account, and get a car!

January 3rd, 1976
(E)(F)
Still sickness follows me around my bed – which is about the only place I seem to congregate these days (oops! Mistake in usage). So instead of describing my “bedly” ventures, I’ll discuss plans. I’d like to star in My Fair Lady. Dreams, dreams, dreams! I showed my Dad my plan for $1 billion dollars and he laughed. Supposing he is right it would be a good idea to draw up a practical step-by-step plan for the next 25 years. I want so much to happen and yet read so much so often referring to the “Airy dreams of youth.” At least if I accomplish some of my dreams I will have something to satisfy myself with. Jack Harpster phoned and said that he is coming to the Bay Area soon and we can visit. I did go to Skyline College today and had a rendezvous avec Denise.

January 4th, 1976
(L)
Today I borrowed my Dad’s car and got Denise. We “made love” someplace and went to Clymer’s who suggested he and myself go to the movies; where upon he picked me up and he and I went to “Branigan” and “Killers Elite.” – the first being somewhat interesting, as it took place in London and I was able to relate to Jeff the times and place me and the film had in common. Piccadilly Circus being one of them. I slept at Jeff’s, as tomorrow I plan to visit Taylor’s house, which is within distance of Jeff’s. Jeff and I were constantly joking and fooling around, much to the discontentment of all those about us, and thus directly highlighting our childish joy in noise making and “bothering” which are two activities in which we are adept.

January 5th, 1976
(F)(A)
I spent the good part of today watching Jeff run around fixing up his car. Bored off my butt due to Clymer’s insolence and my ignorance of the subject at hand, I finally became so disgusted with Jeff that I wanted to hit him – boy was I mad! Later, Scott Clymer drove me to Mike Taylor’s. As had been pre-arranged Mr. Taylor sold me his station wagon for $25. Mike Taylor and I, after some difficulty, got the car to a gas station where we had the car battery recharged, whilst we drank wine and cheese and the station attendant wouldn’t allow me to pay (!) because we had been so good to share our wine. Afterwards the car, my new possession, running perfectly. Mike and I performed a series of raids on Salvation Army boxes, we collected $50 worth of odds and ends. Despite thievery, I say – Good Show!

January 6th, 1976
(F)
I spent the good part of today frustrated – without really knowing why – which seems to be my plight lately. Supposedly some sort of yearning to do something, which will cure this bizarre hunger, and yet I know not what it is. I went to get money for Mr. Taylor’s car and in the night I went and paid Mr. Taylor the $25 and had an argument with Mike, which developed into a discussion about our plans. Whereas I want to work steadily at the Flea Market and make direct money, Mike expressed the belief that it was below him and he wants to start some big show, which is all in his imagination. He announced he is to become an artist and I think he wants to make a show for himself. He wants me to help and despite the fact that I think it’s a fantastic idea and I want to partake, I was let down on not doing the Flea Market.

January 7th, 1976
(S)
As Mike and I had agreed I picked him up at 8:15 a.m. and we collectively drove to Superior Court in San Jose so we could watch my father and his adversaries battle over obscure points of law. My great Dad brought us lunch and we ate a small supper at Bert and Irene’s after which we drove to Marc’s where we got a little stoned drunk and had a pleasant visit. Mike and I were at odds on the way home and I must express here my astonishment at the fact I seem to have temporarily lost one of my greatest attributes. My charm. I seem to be lost without it, like there is not fun or any reason to live. What is life if you can’t charm life itself until it is so drippin’ sick of your charm it gives into my most subtle emotional whims? It seems lately, I don’t care – why bother with charm.

January 8th, 1976
(S)
Alright! Hear ye this! Boy! I have been breaking one of the prime rules of life the last few days, which is evident in my writings. The one rule, which turns heaven to a very hell or vice-versa. I have been taking on the attitude that something is wrong – and being life is largely presented on grounds of my own attitude, I have been cresting my own problems! Shall we adopt a different attitude from now on? Shall we say there is nothing the matter? There are no problems. I am enjoying my life? There you have it. This sort of attitude breed’s success. After all, remember that – “My success is assured.” This is an attitude we all should adopt. No matter what I do or say, I will be successful! Okay, end of sermon! But it is an important sermon and one I expect not to see again within these pages.

January 9th, 1976
(S)(L)
Problems originate and exist only in the mind! Jesus- things are beginning to pick up – because of my attitude. My attitude is that there are no problems – or at least, I am not troubled at any time. It works because I stop wasting time worrying about the small shit. When you dwell in self-pity you waste precious time. Accentuate the good and ignore the bad. I gave Mark Fadgen a ride into San Francisco and then – I brought Denise to my house and performed cunnilingus on her, and copulated with her. Then I went to Jim Tippey’s house for dinner and had a lengthy discussion with Beth Hayward and generally had a pleasant evening. Afterwards I went to Mike Taylor’s house and after a fun discussion I went to sleep there. And my change in attitude seems to have resolved us.

January 10th, 1976
(F)
Saturday. Today was a very fine day, waking up at 6 a.m. and driving off to the Flea Market with Mike Taylor. By 12 o’clock we had sold out for $50 and drove into San Francisco and bought some Cherin Blanc wine and mild cheddar cheese and went to the Pier to partake of these fine treats. Drove Mike home and went home after a short visit to Joe Romeo’s residence. I sent to get a package with my father and related to him all the good fortune I’ve had lately. Donna, came over and we chatted. Mike phoned and confirmed the fact that I’ll visit tomorrow at 7 o’clock (and a bite to eat). I think I should bring down a 6-pack of beer or something. I drove almost 100 miles today. Mike Taylor told me about a plan his father is devising for me and it sounds very interesting. The Flea Market was a blast!

January 11th, 1976
(S)(E)(F)
Note: When one says, “I am doing… no matter what,” you can be sure he’ll do it; so here, and now I declare. – I AM GOING TO START A PERFORMING GROUP AND PERFORM – NO MATTER WHAT!! So much happening. Went to Mike’s for dinner and played guitars and sang – with Tom Hockridge. I made an announcement – “The commencement of the Hopeless Romantics will be on Thursday night from 7pm to 10pm, we shall meet to practice and on all following Sundays and Thursdays at the same time until June 19th, we shall practice. The GEC has a flag, which is Blue and Red with white trim in this shape. [Picture of two isosceles triangles, nearly compacted together and facing right. -Editor] Tomorrow I will try to open up a bank account for the Hopeless Romantics as a subsidiary of the GEC at Northern California Savings. I will try to change my dinner date with Donna from Thursday. Tom and I have begun saving for my pickup and microphones and amps.

January 12th, 1976
(L)
Monday – I was awoken at 8:30 a.m. by Jeff Clymer – who phoned “to allow me to redeem myself for the fact that he had to walk home last night” by driving him to the car place – and I reluctantly conceded, only later to be up heaved by what seemed to me, his apparent audacity – but then, who am I to say? I saw Denise at 12 and spent the good part of the day with her. We have in the light of free time, been making love on a regular basis, at least once every time we meet (and usually then as soon as it is feasible to have privacy) and she was in the process of giving me a BJ when her friend walked in, and Denise found herself laughing at the sight of me dashing upstairs with my pants being held up. Sometimes I think of Bernadette, but more lovingly I reflect on little Giovanna and know in my heart it would be splendid to see her again and even more so to do the impossible: to talk to her in the same language!

January 13th, 1976
(F)(A)
Tuesday – I am writing this in the evening. Up until 9pm the day was delightful. I went to court to see my Dad, and Mike Taylor drew the Ocean Symbol on my car – and I spent a wonderful time with Denise. The highlight of today was upon phoning my stockholder Gregg Paige. I found out that my stock had risen $125 since the last time I phoned him and I could have sold it directly today for $275 but I chose to wait. I must say that it is an extremely exciting incident for me – and I believe the stock market will prove profitable this year. Unexpected delays are being caused by my cars mis-performance, which lies mainly in a -
1) Faulty battery
2) The fact it ran out of gasoline.

My present problem is coupled with the fact I have no ready cash. The solution? (Plus the fact I locked my keys in the car and it’s a mile from my house.) The way to resolve this problem. I will resort to adventure. Sometime in this night I will steal out and in the morning it will be O.K.

January 14th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
To! Excitement? Success? I’ve got it! Fun? Love? It’s here with me! Music? Girls? That too! Money? Well, that’ll come along soon enough. I helped Denise with her film – I’ll see her Friday at 7 at her Mom’s house. I opened accounts up for Ocean (Mike Taylor and I.) Tom and I had practiced tonight and we were enthusiastic the whole time. Afterwards we talked of how by Feb. 19th we should have our 1st gig and how we need equipment and 25 other details. Note: I have about $450 to my name now – despite the fact I owe $300 to others. I plan to make $100 at the Flea Market Sunday and rather have my mind on the subject. Yesterday Taylor and I started Ocean as a purely financial venture and you should already be aware of the group Tom and I now have. Denise and I did make love today. Mike and I plan to venture in stock 1st. I let out some screams on I Wanna Be Your Man – a first (and enjoyable one) for me.

January 15th, 1976
(S)(A)(F)
Thursday – The use on total faith of my V/C has paid off. I have discovered no less than 30 abandoned houses in Oakland that are chock full of merchandise! Tonight I have dinner with Donna. She serves Jambalaya – I have wine and French Cheese. We have a very good time. I am very excited because the car is full of junk. At 10pm I leave Donnas. I go to some old houses in the dark and I find a marble fireplace, weights probably 300lbs in its entirety and is extremely beautiful. I determine to have it!! Soon it is in my car. I return to Donna’s. I do not sleep until 5am but I am not too tired because I am very, very excited. I almost got caught, but I keep my cool. I think that the fireplace is worth probably $220 – I shall talk this over with Mike. I also have banisters, light fixtures, etc. In reference to the 1st line, I merely followed its every suggestion. My V/C that is!)

January 16th, 1976
(A)(L)(F)
Friday – This morning I cut my finger when I went back for another banister. I go home. Soon evening comes and I dress, borrow Dad’s car, and jaunt to Denise to have her “share” dinner with me. I take here to Salito’s as a belated Christmas gift. The food was excellent. Afterwards we got caught making out twice. We finally made love a few times. I bring her home. It is 4am. I am, needless to say, very tired. I m also extremely expectant as to what will happen tomorrow morning at the Flea Market. I phone Taylor, very late and he tells me not to sell (marble fireplace) for under $100. I think, reader, one should take note of my excitement, my inability to desire sleep, my burning thoughts of wealth (and calculations there of). My total consummation in my work – it only spells on thing –
S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

January 17th, 1976
(S)(A)(L)(F)
I wake up late, and rush to the Flea Market. Late! Nothing is selling and I become frustrated – I can’t foresee measly profits of any sort. So I begin to run around sorting out my items. The first chance I get I start hustling my staff – 4 minutes later I have $30. 1 hour later I have $100. My Dad says “You Can’t Sell Anything Sitting on your Ass – Hustle.” I am in my greatest modesty, a salesman, and a potentially great one. I saw Denise tonight and our sex was nice but missing that certain “something” which I can’t for the life of me define. After I left her, I visited various spots and gathered one hoard of items. My last find was $100 of perfectly, for me, fitting clothing. As I am in need of clothing this is an ideal find. You shall know the laws of Magick – ask and ye shall receive- to be true.

January 18th, 1976
(A)(E)(F)
Sunday – I wake up. I drive to Mike Taylor’s house and after some deliberation we go to Oakland and work at the abandoned houses and remove $100 worth of material. Then we buy 1 bottle of Tawny Port and our agreements mount as the wine goes down. We put the stuff in the car and buy another bottle of port. Where do we drink this bottle? I don’t remember. All I know is that it is working. I have dinner at Mike’s and he serves Chablis with dinner! Now, in a fine condition we go to Mike Shea’s house, after getting Tom, and we try to make music. Actually we sound quite good. But I am belligerent. I am drunk. We say goodbye. Mike will play again on Sunday night. Tom and I will play Weds and Thurs at 7pm. Tom and I have written a few songs lately. I forget to call Denise!
January 19th, 1976
(L)(F)(A)
(1.) Monday (345-8873) The number on my left shall be used to secure Denise’s film which I edited at which is Diana – and should I get the film I will put it to the music of “Handsome Johnny” by Ritchie Havens. I wake at Tom’s. I visit Jeff Clymer and have a very enjoyable visit. At night I visit Denise and sleep there. We make love amongst other delicious variations. She looks beautiful, I handsome – we are both in an affectionate mood and interact perfectly. She smells sweet. She comes downstairs later and wants to know about our future. She wants to marry me – I tell her I want to be close, without marriage, for the rest of our lives. She wants my child, I want naught from her. But slowly I shall make her understand I want a “company” with her based on Love – and one with Jeff based on “adventure.” I want $10,000 by June 19th, 1976.

January 20th, 1976
(A)(F)
(1.) Today Denise woke me up at 5:30 a.m. by crawling in bed with me. I drove her to work and lent her $5. I drove to Oakland and enthusiastically spent the entire day in one house from which I salvaged 2 oak cabinets, an oak mantle, 15 pieces of turned wood, 3 plaster castings, many odds and ends, 4 hats, and Edison light bulb, some trim, 7 bottles, a few old documents and what not. I should reap $85 from the stuff. I went to Mike Taylor’s at 8 for a business conference. I am to have $400 for investment in the evening on Feb 1st, 1976. I left and came home and relaxed – called Denise – Tipsy. I have been so successful lately I don’t want to consider it! Wed. night Tom’s at 7:15, Thursday here w/ Tom 7pm. Sat. Morning Alameda. Sun. Morning Marin. Thursday – court. Friday – salvaging in Oakland. I want $10,000 in the bank on June 19th, 1976.

January 21st, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
(1). Wednesday – I woke at home and deposited $60 in the bank and bought 6 qts. of oil for my car. I picked up Denise’s outfit and went seeking a garage for my stuff. I visited Denise and we made love upstairs at Rachelle’s house. We bought some hot dogs and I had dinner there. We got into a little spat and I drove away from her only to call her in ½ hour later on. Tom’s suggestion to “bring the girls along” and we had an awful practice due to fear of their presence so we went to two separate bedrooms with our respective girlfriends and (through viable information) they fucked and I, shocking as it may seem, dear reader, performed the perverted act of licking Denise’s vagina. We all left Tom and I went to his house and I slept over and we lay in our respective beds talking about Love till the wee hours of the night.

January 22nd, 1976
(E)(F)
(2). Thursday – I woke at Tom’s this morning and drove to Mike Taylor’s. We proceeded to my father’s court. My Dad balked back at the opposing Mr. Faisant, and Mike & I sat in admiration of his expertise. As Mike and I left at 2:10pm – something very exciting happened – my stock, we discovered, upon visiting a broker, had jumped to 1 28/64 on $1.45 per share, giving it a net value of $400! I, needless to say, was very excited. Tom and I had 5pm practice today. I ate over at his house on his Mom’s generous invitation and went to Fred’s and later crashed at Tom’s. O.K. – Mike Ragan is going to let me use his garage for my Flea Market stuff. Tom and I decided to practice M-F 3-5:30pm and Sunday 7-10. Fred Nelson says he would like to play with us. My plan is beginning to take shape.

January 23rd, 1976
(E)(L)
(2.5) The number to your left means Tom and I practiced 2.5 hours today. (You will see this as a record.) (These numbers start Jan. 14th – the 1st official practice.) Friday – We sounded excellent today. The reality that the seemingly dreamy idea to have my own group (has become reality) – and to have my own company (has become reality) is nearly too choice for my taste. Simply unbelievable. Lately things have been so fantastic that I am supremely just in saying I enjoy life more than others and extremely kind in saying that if others could enjoy life as much as I do they would relinquish all fears and worries. Saw Denise – ¾ blissful, ¼ spat – went to Ragan’s party. Drank 6 glasses of Michelob. Went to bed hoping I would sleep only 3 hours and awake at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow for Flea Market.

January 24th, 1976
(F)(L)
(0). Saturday I awoke at 5:08 a.m. – packed the car and picked up Taylor – We drove to Alameda Flea Market and we sold $75 worth of Ocean material and I sold nearly $70 for Global Entertainment Company (myself). I then treated Taylor to an ice cream and I drove him home. I then bombed home to discover I had been invited to Denise’s for dinner and I went there after a nap. The dinner was good. After Denise and I went out and she blew me and then we made love and I went home after dropping her off. I took her brother Pat with me, put him to sleeping my bed whilst I went to Ragan’s to get my stuff. Then I did some raids and went to sleep. I found some good oil paintings, a silk pillow case, a sterling butter knife and some good coffee cups (3-China-U.S.A.) I am very hyped about “the Hopeless Romantics!” I am a great lover because when Denise and I do it feels so good!

January 25th, 1976
(F)(E)
(2). Sunday – Note: Took Pat and Ragan to Flea Market – made $27 – ate Dad’s cooking – in afternoon I took Denise to McDonald’s – Ragan’s buying my oak chest for $20. Practiced with mike and Tom. Very well done practice. I have, today, come up with the idea which will make “the Hopeless Romantics” famous. – a PUBLICITY STUNT. The ingredients – for instant fame. Take Sunny Day Suzanne followed by Sweet Suzanne – for a sound track. Take a good film person – Jim Hockridge – 2 singers – The Hopeless Romantics – a beautiful blonde chick – a sunny day – a sound projector – 1 Mr. Tippey to become interested in the film. 1 copyright office and a copyright. An interested public and the guitar playing of Jeff Shea on March 21st, 1976 in Pacifica and watch your fame be instituted around June 19, 1976 and watch how the picture changes – so quickly – so quickly.

January 26th, 1976
(L)(F)(E)
(1.5/15) We’ve practiced 15 hours in total. I feel great! I have just shampooed and showered and I’m as clean as a whistle – and tonight I made love to Denise. It was short and ever so sweet. I am turning into an avid fan of sex. I get so positively turned on and it encompasses me. It feels better every time we do it and is the most blissful thing I have ever done in my life. Denise wants to marry me I will never marry her, but I should think it would be nice to have her as a constant and doting mistress for years to come, despite my sexual exploits with others. I am slowly but surely arranging all my life, and despite an occasional unpleasant Moment, which can be counted on my fingertips, my life is generally blissful in every detail. Today I deposited $140 by mail to various accounts. I offered Ocean my stock for $400 – a good deal. Tom and I must solve how steady practice may be obtained!

January 27th, 1976
(A)(!!)
Tuesday – Today I awoke, ate breakfast and left my house at about 10 a.m. in an excellent humor. I drove to Oakland and went in an abandoned house and remove about $30 worth of old junk. Then I talked with a neighbor who told me that I certain house (which I had been eyeing) was vacant so I went there and found a way in and searched out all the rooms and went into the attic. I found a number of old documents, and as I used to collect stamps I sorted out all the ones with old stamps on them. I brought this collection down near a door and I began to stack much pottery near the kitchen door when a man tried to enter. I let him in and he phoned the police. They came handcuffed me, booked me for burglary, sent the Paddy Wagon and booked me, threw me into a cell and this began the most unpleasant 40 hours of my life.

January 28th, 1976
(A)
Wednesday – If today was not the most unpleasant day I have ever experienced in my life, I couldn’t think of any worse, so it would have to hold that honor, or degradation, depending on how you view unpleasantness. I woke for the first time in my life in a jail and the person who had the morning before been a happy prosperous person was now a number, a person charged with suspicion of commercial burglary and bail was set at $5000.00. I had phoned my Grandmother and asked her to phone everyone. I spent the day in fear, worry, disillusionment, horror, defeat, a sunken disposition, surrounded by unpleasant guards and unpleasant people. All I knew was that I had told the truth from start to finish, and had not still considered myself a criminal, and wanted never, never, never, never, never, never, never to even so much as set eyes on a jailhouse again!

January 29th, 1976
(A)
Thursday – I awoke in this hideous place at 5:50 a.m. to a rude jailer with breakfast. Oh! Be damned – enough of this poppycock – I finally went to court and the charge had been change to trespassing and they let me go under the condition that I return next Thursday. My sister was there and her and I got lunch and then we went to Fenton’s Creamery where I treated her to a parfait and we subsequently went to my grandmothers and we surprised her. At any rate everyone was shortly notified of my release and I went home in the afternoon.
In the evening I went to Denise’s and explained the whole thing to her and her parents. The reader, must realize, that now I am still bothered by the whole ordeal and I am hoping they will not investigate any further because I did take stuff from the other abandoned houses in the neighborhood. Merely hope all is well.

January 30th, 1976
(F)(E)
Friday (2.5) – I transacted various business deals today and this entry will be mainly a listing of all the events of today as it was quite full and I am recovering from my trauma. I visited Taylor, stock at $1.25. Asked Gregg Paige – said to roll stock to options. I learned about options. I picked Denise up. Tom and I practiced – sung our eight songs and added “Chains” to it. Played in front of Marty, Taylor and Denise, sounded excellent due to the rest. I am snapping out of my state. I made love to Denise in Pacifica after Tom, Marty, Mike, D and I had a few beers. Mike has bought some stock. Tom and I plan to practice in San Francisco tomorrow. Bernadette my sweet, sent me another letter staying she will be visiting me at the latter part of the summer. I have $191 – I owe $181. I have 300 shares MGTA, A most active stock on the OTC and a car. I saw my Dad before bed.

January 31st, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (4) – Tom came by at 12:15pm and we went to olden Gate Park and sang and practiced our music for 4 hours. We wrote a melody line and some words to a guitar riff that I wrote 2 years ago but I have not been able to sound it out into a song – at any rate it has finally made a beautiful song. Tom and I are making excellent progress. I went to Denise’s after one of Dad’s excellent meals; we went to Farrell’s, where I became depressed about my recent misfortunes or at least about what I have been thinking have been misfortunes, where they might actually be blessings in disguise. When Denise and I left she performed fellatio and then we made love, I went home she went home – and my head was humming with the words. “Every second of my life I am laughing and free.”

February 1st, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
Sunday (2.5/24) I awoke and drove to Denise’s and we made love at the beach. I don’t mean to nurse my sympathies, but I am feeling much better about all that has occurred. I decided not to go to the flea market – as a precaution – and I, in place, stayed at home and washed the kitchen floor and then I filed for my father. I made myself a sandwich and picked up my old amplifier, which I had lent to B. Mo Merimie. I went to Mike Shea’s. He and Tom and I sang and practiced for 2.5 hours. I am developing a new attitude that I must work for other people for no reward and must work diligently in all I do. I need not worry about money. It will come to a hard working person when he needs it. And I must be good!!

February 2nd, 1976
(S)(F)(L)
Monday – Hooray! I have finally busted the depression which has been wrongly haunting me gloomily for 6 days and I would like to say that I have made some philosophical mistake, or spiritual error: I lost my successful attitude, due to a failure, where I should have maintained my attitude through thick and thin. Outside circumstances, I must realize, have little power against mind, because reality starts and ends with mind. Why did I get caught? Because I was doing something wrong! Hopefully I have corrected my thinking pattern. I sold my stock, but I want to stop the sale before it’s too late, tomorrow morning. I talked to my stockbroker today – and I registered my car, made love with Denise – I should mail Giovanna’s and Bernadette’s letters tomorrow. MGTA 1 5/16.

February 3rd, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (1.5) – Applied to San Francisco State and Hayward State. Mailed letters to Mom, Bernadette, and Giovanna. I picked up Denise at 4:00pm and we made love out by the water. There were literally thousands of birds out there and it made quite and impressive scene. I took her to her doctors and then drove her home. I went home for dinner and afterwards I went to Tom Hockridge’s house and we practiced a bit, but suddenly Tom became too light-hearted for practice and we ended up indulging ourselves in a little period of jesting and rolling on the floor, nearly literally, laughing. I gave up at my attempts to gain back something resembling order and left, but we had vowed to practice tomorrow. Really, Diary, sometimes you are my only comfort.

February 4th, 1976
(E)(F)
Wednesday (4/29.5) I applied for 3 jobs today, at a car rental, at an auto sound shop and at the Radio Shack. When I arrived at Tom’s house I asked Mrs. Hockridge for something to eat, because I was hungry and she gave Tom and I lunch. Tom and I have 12 songs we can sing now off the top of our heads. We have an engagement on Friday at 9:30 at 568 Green St. to sing our set. His mother is lending us a microphone. His brother John has agreed to accompany us should we so desire. We have improved to the point where we can improvise harmonies on a second or two’s notice. We need equipment and an audience. I want, tomorrow, to purchase 1 option for Gulf Western April 25’s for probably $150. My Dad is supposed to come home this evening so he can come to court with me tomorrow.

February 5th, 1976
(F)(A)(S)
Thursday - Though it is only five o’clock I must write now to capture the feeling of this Moment. I awoke this morning to look out upon the white valley below my house – it had snowed for the first time like this in 13 years (or some long time.) I received a phone call from Gregg Paige who has sold my stock for $395.25 or more! And I went to court, where they said if I don’t get arrested in 90 days, they will dismiss the case. So, all in all, I smell success. I feel, as a culmination of my efforts, and many things, too many to include for your information, fantastic and all I can dream about is my future, wonderful as I hope it may be. I note that my S.O.S. is the 2nd smartest thing I’ve created in years – it works! – The 1st smartest thing was the development of my system. Now it’s midnight. I had a difficulty with Denise to night. I don’t know why. She likes me too much I think. Today has been the best day in years.

February 6th, 1976
(E)
Friday (3/32.5) Tom and I learned a valuable lesson tonight – we have got to believe in ourselves before others can believe in us. Likewise I must believe in Tom to give him proper place in the Hopeless Romantics – how can we become inspired? Diary, know it now that on Feb. 19th, 1976, Tom and I will make $25 playing someplace and the people will like us – and on June 19th, 1976 we will have all our equipment and have many jobs lined up. Maybe others don’t think we’ll make our goals. But that doesn’t make any difference – I know we’ll forge ahead. Tom will make it with me. I’ve got an underlying faith in that kid. We performed for Mike Ragan, and Taylor, Debbie and Mark tonight and we weren’t that good. We need tons of work. I’ll see Denise tomorrow. I merely hope I can convince Tom to stick with it long enough to see the results. I know they’ll come – and soon enough.

February 7th, 1976
(L)
Saturday - This morning I helped my father move his records to San Francisco and bring some others back. Then I picked up Denise and we made love in her bed. Then we went to see Flesh Gordon and the Groove Tube and then she and I split some Fish and Chips – her treat. Being sexually oriented due to the contents of the movies we parked and we performed cunnilingus and fellatio respectively and finished it off with a good fuck. Quite satisfied, we returned to her house, where I visited with her parents and brothers. I left. Dad and I played cribbage. I won 2, Dad one. I phoned Tom earlier today but he had gone to Big Basin with Marty. Denise, may I say is stuck on me no end. I’ll drop by tomorrow.

February 8th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (8/40.5) Thomas Hockridge writes: Jeff and I just wrote 2 songs. This being on the aftermath of a miserable showing last Friday night. Their names are; We’re On Top and I Have Found True Peace of Mind.

Today Tom and I practiced 8 hours! And did it pay! We wrote 3 great songs and we now have John H. as a drummer. Tom says he is willing to throw his entire paycheck into our group – as an investment. Mike has been booted from our ranks. He’s too negative. John is going to see if he can find us a bass man. I saw Denise today. My love is great. Denise invited me to Gram’s tomorrow = Yes! I quit smoking dope and drinking since I got busted and boy does it feel great.

February 9th, 1976
(S)
Monday (40.5) – May I say that not drinking (or smoking marijuana) has given me a new power, which I have not enjoyed in quite a long time. I am very excited now in the realization that this Thursday, Feb 12th, 1976 I am supposed to meet a beautiful blonde haired girl who I’ve never met before, who beginning 1 week later will be my lover for the next 4 months. I have a suspicion she will be rich. Now the only thing I have to substantiate this is my undying belief that I will indeed meet her and my growing excitement. I have been dreaming about this Thursday for months.
I basically went to my Dad’s court today and then to my grandmother’s for dinner. My sister sewed. I talked to Denise and I am supposed to pick her up Tuesday at 4. I have an offer for a job but it appears to be more trouble than it is worth. I may try to arrange a performance for Tom and I this Thursday night, maybe at Dan’s house and I may possibly go on a trip with Denise this weekend. I am also scheduled to “break up” with Denise the 19th.

February 10th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (4.5/45) Mike Taylor has said that the difference between the great and mediocre artists is found in the copious amounts of work, which only the great have done. Tom and I wrote another song tonight and we practiced for 4 ½ hours. I might point out that at first we were in depression but after 1-½ hours or so we became warmed up and began to get hot. So, my advice to you is to allow 1-½ hours for warm up. John H. Will drum for us and his friend Randy is going to play bass for us. I saw Denise today and we made love. All we ever do is make love, and she is constantly buying me all sorts of little ice creams, etc. I looked for a job today, but I wasn’t that excited about it, because it wasn’t til tonight that I discovered I’ve been going about it backwards. I’ve got to decide what kind of job I want first and then get it, not the other way around. At any rate I’ll make out O.K.

February 11th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Wednesday (2.5/47.5) Tom and I had a both discouraging and encouraging practice tonight. The discouraging part is that we sounded poorly, and the encouraging part was that we do not become discouraged over such discouraging circumstances. We are planning to stick it out til the end. I personally must practice for the H.R.’s until June 19th – can I keep it together at least that long? If I can I know we’ll make it. The only thing that worries me is my own pessimistic attitude at times. I hope it doesn’t rub off on the other members. I looked for a job today. I met a girl – woman, who, if she had a younger sister, she would be my next girlfriend. My type? – Wow. Made love to Denise tonight after practice. I still await my E.F. Hulton Check. I cleaned out Gram’s yard for her today.

February 12th, 1976
(E)(S)
Thursday (4.3/51.8) I write this in red because it has been a red-letter day. My system of success is taking effect. Tom and I sounded our best tonight and wrote in all now 13 songs; In the Country, She’s my Girl, Take a Look Around, Sweet Suzanne, Sunny Day Suzanne, We Are All Free, We’re on Top, I have Found True Peace of Mind, Blue Horizon (Shea and Taylor), Where Has All the Sweetness Gone, Slow Down, Buried Treasure and Sector 4.
Mike Taylor was thoroughly impressed. I want to write as many songs as possible. I guarantee, diary, that by June 19th, 1977 Tom and I will have sold one gold record – this is my goal until then – sure and unwinded. Tom and I can’t wait for our next discouragement so we can overcome it. The worse it seems the more we’ll like it. Otherwise today was perfect, minus the odd fact that I didn’t meet that beautiful blonde scheduled for today – oh well, maybe tomorrow. (I think my excitement shows in my writing!!)

February 13th, 1976
(S)(F)
Friday - “The only reason all these wonderful things are happening is because I have pre-conditioned my mind to these exact things.” Jeff Shea 1976.
I prepared during the early part of the day and picked up Denise at 4. We drove to Hollister and ate dinner at Bishops café and proceeded to Pinnacles State Park where we spent a long cold night in the back of my station wagon. Before we left, Tom phoned me and told me he was not going away this weekend and told me of his intense desire to practice. Now I ask you diary, how come, when I say something will happen months in advance, does it happen on cue? I will tell you why. It happens because I am a successful person and I can affirm for myself and make my own life what I want it to be! Paul Fadgen just happens to have 4 tires outside that fit my car – he’ll sell for $2.50 apiece!

February 14th, 1976
(A)(L)
Saturday - We awoke in our cold car, Denise angry because we did not stay in a hotel last night. Her and I walked up to the reservoir at Pinnacles – and what a beautiful morning! Then we drove to Monterey and afterwards Carmel and looked at the tide pools, putting sea snails into sea anemones and pulling chitins off the rocks. It’s fun to watch nature in action. Then we drove to Davenport and I got a bowl of soup and we got into a fight which was really fun – she vented all her anger – then we made it to my house were we showered and bombed off to the Cable Car Hotel. We watched “The Man with the X-Ray Eyes” and made love during the commercials – and afterwards fell asleep.

February 15th, 1976
(L)(F)
Sunday - We awoke, made love, and left the hotel for a breakfast at the international house of pancakes, where we split an order of cheese blintzes and boysenberry blintzes and sausage. She filled my gas tank and then I drove her home. She left me $16 - $8 for the show and $8 for the opening of our bank account – something that made me very happy – you see I am trying to open accounts with all my five best friends. Now only 1 more person to ask – Cappa. I went home. I merely stayed home. I played the guitar and did chores and such – talked with my Dad. Instead of wasting my time with getting some menial job I would like to go to garage sales and Flea Markets for my money and start concentrating on my future with the GEC.

February 16th, 1976
(E)(L)
Monday (1.5/53.3) Hockridge phoned me at about 1 o’clock and visited me at about 3:15pm. I had gone to Thrifty’s and bought 2 new tubes for my amplifier and after a few less than successful tries my father got the thing going – it still needs work but it will sound great when that work is completed. Now, I think Hock can get another microphone and I inquired this morning about getting a pickup for my guitar $54.00. So, possibly in a short while we’ll be amplified. I got my Dad’s camera back, so I can start doing some filming. My first film will be an introduction – official of course – to the Hopeless Romantics. Tom and I practiced a little. I picked Denise up and made love to her and we went to Tom’s. We sang out 6 best songs to Deb and Den and sounded good. We all saw “Sherlock Holmes’s Smarter Brother.” I thought it was smashing. Then I made love again to Denise.

February 17th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
Tuesday (1.5/54.8) Matter is my toy! If ever the world found a star who was grateful to be a star, they would exalt him. I wrote letters to Clym and Cap. I received letter from Bernadette and postcard from Napoli. I repaired guitar case. I made love to Denise. I had Hock sign my withdrawal slip so we could buy a guitar pick up. Tom and I practiced with John. John’s gonna join up. I’ve got to figure out who’s going to be in and who out of the group. I want Fred N., then John and then Paddy Mallon. Tom and I drove to Rob’s and played for 4 people, who loved our songs. I guarantee. Tom and I will make it. All we need is that attitude which will perpetuate our practice long enough to make us great. Tom’s attitude is perfect! Pray and hope it becomes more than perfect. I am becoming the inspiration for many of my friends. Only I can see right now.

February 18th, 1976
(F)(L)(S)
Wednesday - Matter is my toy! Today was quite nice due to the fact I got my guitar amplified which I have been wanting to do for quite a long time. It cost $54 to have a Bark’s Berry put in my guitar and it looks good. I went to Grammy’s for dinner in the interim of the wait for the guitar- job. I received a $395.25 check from my stockbroker for my stock and because I couldn’t cash it anywhere and get my money for at least 8 days I sent it back to Florida. So now I have no money here but $435.25 in Florida. I picked up Denise and made love to her. On our way we were stopped twice by police and got a warning ticket for my muffler, which must be repaired within the next 14 days. Reflectively, it’s a good thing though at the time I was upset.

February 19th, 1976
(S)(E)
Thursday (3.7/58.5) Today, in my visions, was supposed to be an all important day – I was supposed to fuck my new girl (whom I haven’t even met and break up sexually for a while with Denise. Which I can’t under the circumstances.) Tom and I were supposed to play our first gig. But despite these things, today has been shocking to me, nevertheless.
For one thing I got a super burst of energy in the afternoon, which caused Denise and I to have our difficulties. Then when I went to Tom’s my amp was working, fixed by Al, and even better Red Norcross came by in a business like attitude to talk about us joining his band – he has 5 guitars and all sorts of equipment but, we probably won’t accept. Look! People already diving for us! I don’t know exactly how I want to handle Denise but I want to screw her Sat Night. 3:45 a.m.

February 20th, 1976
(E)
Friday (2/60.5) I practiced all day long with Red Norcross and his girlfriend and we sounded quite good. They were extremely happy and interested in having Tom and I play with them. They have $4000 of equipment and a plan. But apart from all of that something just didn’t seem right. When Tom and I finally got a chance to talk alone we decided not to play with them. It’s just that Tom and I have definite ideas as to how we want to go about things and playing with Red Norcross was not what we had in mind. I will say again, what I have in mind is to play with Fred Nelson and John H. and Tom and I and have a group called the Hopeless Romantics and to make it big. The dream is coming along. Didn’t see or hear from Denise. She still loves me. I know. 4:45 a.m.

February 23rd, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Monday - 10 a.m. Today was a grand day. I played my guitar often and may I say I am “getting the knack” of it again and when I “get the knack” everybody, but everybody likes the way I perform musically. I got a muffler on my car and got my fix-it ticket written off. I should say my car sounds like new with that muffler. I made love to Denise, paid my doctor bill, and deposited $8 in Denise and my account, which is a rather odd assortment of news items. I cashed my tax return check. I picked up Mark F. in Pacifica and gave the drunken gentleman a ride home. I put in for work at 5 places and Denise gave me a special application at Amour which may turn out to be my salvation – So I put in for a desk job, filled it out as impressively as possible and now I go to sleep.

February 24th, 1976
(E)(F)
Tuesday (2/63.5) 9 a.m. I spent the early part of the day fooling around with my tape player and then in the afternoon, Tom and Debbie came over and we plucked out a few songs. We wrote the last part of “confidence” and were working on some other song the Masquerade Ball. In the late afternoon I drove to Gammy’s and met Donna. We went to the Saigon (Vietnamese) restaurant and then went to see the Evolution of the Blues. It was fantastic and inspired me no end! Spirituals, jazz, dancing, Jon Hendricks was great! When I got home I found a note, which said that the health Spa had phoned and it looks like I’ve got myself a job! I keep thinking of Linda Alles and wonder if she really does have a knock-out sister that I’m destined to meet. I don’t know. What a fantastic day was today! Every turn of the road in my life gets better!

February 25th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)(S)
Wednesday (2.5/66) Today I got my tape deck running well. I picked up my unemployment check and made a check for my last payment to Dad. I picked up Denise after her work and made love to her and brought her home. Tom came by after dinner and we visited Debbie in the hospital. We sounded excellently. Now, for the big news of the day! Fred Nelson is now a member of the Hopeless Romantics. Tom and I went to his house tonight. It was funny because I dreamed as often that he was a group member that I knew what happened would happen before it happened. He was impressed favorably with our music and he was eager to play with us. So what I am going to do is have Tom and I record all our songs on tape and lend Fred the tapes so he can get used to the songs. When we’re finished with the tape we’ll send it registered mail to ourselves.

February 26th, 1976
(E)(S)
Thursday (1/67) Tom came by at 2 or 3 and we practiced for only 1 hour or less. We got very much done though and wrote a new song. See how everything is coming along? It is absolutely amazing the accuracy with which I have predicted forthcoming events in my life. It is all due to Dyna/Pysch™. One thing which is really beginning to help me is the use of the problem solving technique in the book on Dyna/Pysch™. My personal binder on Success is a great asset as it is becoming the great organizer and problem solver of my life. I went over to Denise’s house tonight after we had a tiny spat this morning when I drove her to work. I am still waiting for a new girl to come into my life. Boy – what a faith I have!

February 27th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (2/69) Tom and I practiced tonight. We afterwards went to Rob Hall’s house and then went to a party at Tonnie Mallon’s house. I only stayed there for about one hour and then I went back to Rob’s and we talked for awhile, but for the first time in a long time I had to consider the fact that I would have to be at work in the morning, so I left earlier than I would have wanted to otherwise. Earlier in the day I had picked up Denise and we had made love, then gone to Serramonte, and then gone to her house. I had told her we would be lovers for life, which she construed to mean marriage and I as you well know diary, mean it to be I am always willing to have sex with her.

February 28th, 1976
(S)(L)
Saturday - Well, I woke up today and went right away to work where I met the receptionist Margie, who if she isn’t going to be my next girl I don’t know who is. Short, blonde hair, fair skin, friendly, but of course, only time will tell. Work seems like it will be fun once I get into the swing of things. My father lent me and showed me how to use a sound film system, which may prove to be useful. I went to Denise’s tonight and made love and told her that we would not marry and perhaps I’d like to date other girls and she cried and cried and eventually I cried too and later I decided to add “I wouldn’t become angry to save my life.” To my S.O.S, which I know, shall prove to be invaluable.

February 29th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (5/74) After I awoke I went to Tom’s house and we practiced for 4 hours and then we went to Debbie’s house and played for another hour or so. I went home for dinner and later went to D’s house and made love and licked each others privates for awhile. She sure turns me on sometimes! She has been worried about what will happen between us, but I know everything will turn out O.K., probably even better than either of us could ever imagine. Tom and I have a slight problem in that when we play in front of people we sometimes freeze, whereas other times there are no problems whatsoever. I’ve got to get my tape recorder fixed so that Fred can hear the tapes and practice and catch up. Did you know I’m flying Santa Barbara this week?

March 1st, 1976
(E)(S)
Monday (5/79) Tonight was wonderful in that it was/is the real formation of the H.R. because Fred, who will add so much to our cause, showed up for the first practice and he is just as excited as us. It is inspiring to have one who’s taste in music I respect so much, to like, genuinely, our music. Everything is so unbelievable considering the fact I have documents to prove I wanted Fred and Tom before I ever returned from Europe. And here I am. My system of success is so fantastic, perfect and exactly and all powerful that I will always use it and it shall always reap me reward – even after my physical death. My job will be fun and although Margie is an approximation, the girl I want is more beautiful beyond ordinary imagination.

March 2nd, 1976
(F)
Tuesday - Denise woke me up by calling me on the phone asking me for a ride home due to sickness on her part. So I drove her to Bart and then went to get my car turned. The car runs better now, and fairly decent now, except for a flat spot in the carburetor. I went to work for 4 ½ hours. Although I don’t get paid too much it is the best job I’ve ever had because I have full use of the equipment and there are lots of girls and I don’t have to run around at all. I am still getting the hang of it. After work I went to Denise’s. Although she was sick she came through by making out with me and hugging me and being nice and friendly, which is all I really want (I guess) in a visit. In fact, I would have to say it was probably the most enjoyable visit I’ve spent with her in the last month. I went home and watched The Honeymooner’s on TV.

March 3rd, 1976
(E)(F)
Wednesday (4/84) I awoke, as happens every morning. Oh! What a delightful day it is. The sun shining. I must leave early this morning to practice with Fred Nelson in San Mateo. On the way I stop by the Unemployment Office and they give me $33. Now I have money to go to Santa Barbara on Friday. Oh, did you hear, my mother is back in town! Fred and I practice and I then quickly get to work where I spend another tremendously easy five or six hour shift. Afterwards I get gas and go to Tom’s house. The Hopeless Romantics have their second 3-party practice. The excitement! The wonder – the chemistry that takes place is unforgettable. I will always remember the sureness the intent with which we talk, and the superior knowledge that we will soon be famous.

March 4th, 1976
(F)(L)
Thursday - Another leisurely day with a little twist at the end of the night. At 3:30 I went to work and after the meeting, which lasted until 9:30pm, I went to see my loveable girlfriend Denise. As the door opened, and I caught the first glimpse of the beautiful nymph in front of me, you can imagine my astonishment! The silly girl had actually transformed from a typical humdrum house girl into a curly-haired beauty. Now, one can easily surmise that since she only awaited me that night, the transformation was to please me; thus, her goal accomplished she suggested, after a few opening kisses that we stay the night in a hotel. Under normal circumstances I might have refused but I could hardly resist the thought of holding on to her though the night on a warm bed! Yes! - ! and we were off to the Cable Car Hotel in San Bruno, where my delights awaited me!

March 5th, 1976
(E)(A)
Friday (2/86) I am sitting here in Isla Vista, California hugging my best friend Gary Marvin Cappa. He appears totally drunk and tired, which is precisely why I don’t want him to get any rest. Gary would like to say “Fuck you, Jeff.” Please disregard the opening line of this entry. I flew down here this afternoon with Bill Wacko, Tom Hockridge and Rob Gourt. The flight down here was a lot of fun. Upon arriving Clymer burst into the terminal followed by Jim Romeo and Gary Cappa. We had a fairly enjoyable evening and Tom and I played a few songs. In the middle of this writing a girl named Gail came into the room. God, do I adore her. She is just perfect. I swear that if she lived in my area. I’d do anything to make her my girlfriend, but as she lives here I would still give anything to at least get to know her and maybe kiss her and maybe more.

March 6th, 1976
(E)
Saturday (1/87) Please record this as one of the happiest days of my life. Here I am, Santa Barbara skies, sun, girls, and the beach. For at least one weekend I get to enjoy having Jeff, Gary and Tom – my best friends, among others. I go to the beach, to Don Vito’s for a spaghetti dinner. In the night I go to a party on Del Playa and do the Bump for the first time (with Gail) and I met Eva who brings me to her house and gives me coffee and a good night kiss. I talk til 3 a.m. and crash. My friends all have good luck with the girls. Hockridge gets into a fight. Rob and Bill and Cappa write “Buffalo Love” – a new hit. Cappa becomes manager of my group and Hock and I play for about 10 people – the most yet!

March 7th, 1976
(A)(L)
930 Sunday (1/88) When a day is as big as this one, how can I accurately describe the feeling of it. I had breakfast with Gail and Jeanne and Gary took me and Tom and Bill on a tour of the campus and Tom and I went to the ocean – and we laughed at Gary’s and went to McDonald’s and I flew 300 miles by plane and Denise phoned and I went over and fucked and she said to me words of devotion that have never been uttered and earlier in the day Clymer and I went swimming in the pool and then tonight my Dad and I seem to get on as in old times, and Denise tells me that she thinks Tom and I are really going to make it and that Debbie thinks that the group is breaking Tom away from her and that she told Penny to be careful of the same thing with Fred. And my car is running fine.

March 8th, 1976
(F)(E)(S)
Monday (2/9) Well today rolls along as all others and things as usual get better for me. I put my new tire on my car and I mail my application in for San Francisco State. Taylor and I close our account. I kiss Denise in the afternoon. At night Tom and I practice. We have a dead lull as I go off on a tangent about how our group must perform but I offend Hock and retract my statements. Then we play and our sound restores my faith in our group. Earlier in the day I phoned Fred, but he said he couldn’t practice. At work I take my first good trial – I relax and I act like a big shot. I figure if I lose my job at least I’ll have fun. But I do better when I’m happy so I act very jokingly and happy. I joke with all the girls and guys I bough a windshield wiper today.

March 9th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday - Today, as usual, I awake late and dilly-dally around the house. I write “Please Change Your Mind” from some old lyrics Tom had. At work I have a blast. I was busier today than ever – and had more fun than ever. I think that tomorrow I will bring some M&M’s or something to eat on the job. I get horny looking at all the girls. After work, as usual, I went to Denise’s house and drove her new car, which is very nice. We went out and made love. This was about the sixth relatively hassle free visit I’ve had with her in a row. I love sex! I didn’t get home until about 12:30pm. Sometimes lately, I’ve been wondering about our group (are we really good?) I know I’ve got talent. And it seems our girlfriends discourage us getting together – outside of Denise who has been encouraging. Jesus does she love me!

March 10th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (3/93) I have just finished a very successful day – saw Denise at lunch, fixed car a little, went to work and later had practice with Tom and Fred at which we sounded magnificently and I was very pleased. Fred’s leads are perfect. But now I come home, and carefully read a letter in French from Giovanna’s sister Carla Ghidini. I read carefully of her life and I travel back to the most tender moments of my life thus far, to the time I was in San Giovanni del Gaza, and these two sisters took care of me. And I fell in love with the younger, Giovanna and now, in all honesty, I must say I still love her with all my heart – if there was a girl to marry at 35 it would be her. Oh, I loved her! Making sweet love under the trees, kissing under the sunny fields of grapes. Her soft white virgin skin against blonde hair. And how much she loved me showed in her acts of kindness.

March 11th, 1976
(E)(L)
Thursday - I left an hour early from work and I brought my car to Value Giant so they could re-tune it. They did and it runs better now. Then I went to Denise’s and she was in a good mood and acting sweet and we started tickling each other on her couch and I remember ending up with her top button unbuttoned and my nose right near the little ribbon in her new bra. What funny things I remember. Well, I like my women! We went to McDonald’s and she bought me a pie and cheeseburger and then we parked and made excellent love. Waves of joy were coming over me as the realization of the fact I had a girl under me swept through me. It was great! I went home and ate a little dinner left for me and played the guitar.

March 12th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
Friday (3.5/96.5) Great! Tom, Fred (Martin Fred Nelson) and I practiced today! On the top of Tom’s roof! We wrote by far our best song – “Like Birds on High.” I’ll see those gents tomorrow at 7. Marty came by for a while. Picked up Denise late and we had, may I say, one of the most delightful times ever. Variety is the spice of life. We went to the store for her mother to Mike Ragan’s surprise party, made love, went to Hall’s until 2 am. Went to Pacifica made love. And I dropped her off. And not even one of the slightest disagreements or anything. It was great. Dyna/Pysch™ works because it is practical. It occupies your mind constantly with good thoughts and allows you to be free from major worries. I am very excited about my group, but I wonder how it will turn out. (We sound good.)

March 13th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (4/100.5) Today I went out with Denise. We had an excellent time. She blew me and we later made love. After I dropped her off I went home and ate dinner and then I was off to Tom’s whereupon we sporadically practiced until 4 in the morning. In between songs we partied. Rick Keen, Hal Ramsey, John, Fred Nelson and Penny Parker were there to help us create the festivities. Tom was in a rowdy mood and threw his guitar down and jumped on it in anger because he couldn’t play it. It was disgusting but then boys will be boys. He fits in perfectly with the Hopeless Romantics.

March 14th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Sunday - (Fred has practiced 76.5 hours less than the total!) I visited Mom today. Vic mentioned that they might buy a house in Costa Rica or the South Pacific. I wonder if they do if I can take care of it when they’re not there. At any rate it will be great to be able to visit them. I might make out O.K. from this marriage in the long run anyway. I was just thinking- I don’t ever want to sell my car or anything else I own. I want to begin to accumulate. For example, eventually buy another car and motorcycle and have three vehicles! I went over to Denise’s and we made love. We used this almond oil and boy did it turn her on! I ate her and it eliminated all odors! She acted perfect. She has been acting sweet as hell and we have been getting on great.

March 15th, 1976
(F)
Monday - Today was unusual. I took my diary 1975 from the safety deposit box and I read various parts of it. What a year that was! One thing, which became apparent to me is my growing maturity. My thoughts are more controlled. Boy, some of the things I did last year! Tonight I phoned Christabelle and Juanita – I didn’t see Denise because I wanted a night off. I hung up on her earlier in the day, but I don’t think she is angry. I think I’ll start phoning my old friends whom I made at CSM. I sent for V/C application went by Mike T’s house, went to work, etc. I want excitement in my life again. I must admit I have been rather sedate since I’ve arrived home. I should expand my horizons a little more. Chris’s mother goes home in 2 weeks. I’ve got to earn more money somehow. Oh well, just hope and it will come my way.

March 16th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)
Tuesday - The way I feel on the closing of today is blissful, perfect. I feel so in “tune” with everything. I have just finished having excellent sex with Denise and talking to her for a few hours about her problems at home. At work I just bullshitted around all-night and flirted. The highlight of the evening is my long-long-long awaited discovery of what I wanted to do. I know and have known personally for a long time, but I never knew how to explain it to everyone in one word, and here it is – Producer. I am a producer – or soon shall be. When they ask, “A producer of what?” I am going to say – of movies, records and live performances. I have finally, finally, finally, figured out the name of my life work, profession and definite, long sought after and perfect occupation. I can’t wait til I begin flashing it around. I finally have something to say when they ask!

March 17th, 1976
(E)(F)
Wednesday (4/104.5) Today was a marvelous day. I went to Gammy’s in the morning or I guess at 12 and we had lunch, then I cleaned out her garage. Afterwards we had some more tea and we had some of the greatest pastry I had ever eaten. She gave me $12 ($4/hr) for my labor. I had a ball at work. It’s so easy – and the girls are starting to warm up to me. I bombed down to Tom’s – ate a great bologna sandwich, cookie and milk. We bombed down to Fred’s. We sat around for a long time and finally practiced for a long time. We sounded good (which re-activated our interest! Hal and Monique left. Penny said Tom could go out with Monique whenever he wanted. That’s a lay right there! Woo boy! We decided we would practice on Friday at 2:30pm. Our harmonies are getting great.

March 18th, 1976
(L)(F)
Thursday - I’m sorry for I am writing this and the following three entries on Sunday and I’ll probably forget a lot of it. I think I went to Denise’s for lunch- at Amore - and after work I went over to her house and I took her up to Oceana and made love to her. Other than that I can’t remember much about Thursday. I do remember at work I was kept afterward which was kind of a bummer because I couldn’t wait to see Denise and I was real glad I wouldn’t have to work again until Monday. Another thing is that I was looking forward to getting my paycheck on the morrow. Now I remember that this morning I figured out that Denise and I have made love 148 times with 36 variations, counting tonight that means 150 times.

March 19th, 1976
(F)(E)
Friday (8/112.5) I remember a bit more of Friday. For one I picked up my check for $95.55. I only had to pay $4.38 Federal Tax. I saw Denise for a while for lunch. After I filled up my tank and went to Tom’s we wrote a song called “Chapel of the Dead” which freaked me out on Saturday night so much that I think I’ll tear it out of our book. Then Fred came over and he practiced with us for about 2 ½ hours. After he left I had dinner at Tom’s and we practiced some more and then we played “Please Change Your Mind” for Alan Lanzandorfer and friends. Then we went to Karen Baba’s and watched a movie called “the Tingle.” After that we went to Lyon’s for a while and then we parked in front of his house and sang for about ½ hour more I figure altogether we played 8 hours.

March 20th, 1976
(L)
Saturday - I was awakened this morning at about 11:15 by Denise who was real mad because I was late. So I hung up on her! Then when I was ready I went down to her place and made up with her. I took her driving and taught her how to pass the driving test. After we went to the Casa Mateo Inn and got a raunchy room (it wasn’t too bad.) We picked up Jimmy in S. Carlos and drove him to Pacifica. I dumped the boxes from the back of my car into Bill’s dump-pile. We bought some food and went to the Casa Mateo. We made love 4 times today and 2 variations.

March 21st, 1976
(L)(F)
Sunday (.5/113) Denise and I slept in this morning – all in all by the time we left the motel we had made love 4 times and had 2 variations – that’s a lot of loving! We went to Tom’s and Tom and us drove to Debbie’s. We all went in Tom’s car to the Pulgas Water Temple and had a picnic lunch “on Tom.” Boy, he’s always paying for everything! Well, someday when I get money I’ll treat. We dropped off Debbie and Tom said we’d practice on Monday after I got off of work. I brought Denise home and I am supposed to pick her up tomorrow so she can get her license. I went home and we had a London broil dinner. In the evening I took care of various odds and ends and got to bed at a relatively early hour. Before I went to bed I pretty much solved that silly problem I’d had!

March 22nd, 1976
(E)
Monday (3.5/116.5) Up! Up! Up! Denise is coming! Phew! I got up in time – 8 a.m. – early for me. Boy, I feel great today. Denise gets her license and throws herself all over me in gratitude for me giving her the confidence to do it. (as last Wednesday I promised her she’d have her license by Monday). I had a great time at work and Carol Holmes gave me the eye! (Hubba-Hubba.) And after work me and the boys had some practice. We made a new song “When I Say I Love You.” Which is like a Beatles song but better. Debbie and Penny were there. It’s really neat having a group – it’s like a social activity in addition to being relieving – and my song writing ability is improving – or rather is at it’s life’s best, but that is only because I am using it – dreams – dreams!

March 23rd, 1976
(A)(L)
Tuesday - Taylor phoned me in the morning and we went down to that old mine shaft in San Mateo. It took us about 45 minutes to an hour to dig straight down until we had finally been able to crawl on top of the inside of the tailings – then over another stack of tailings – then up into a 3rd chamber which was muddy, stuffy and small – and it apparently ended there. It was pretty fun, but dangerous. Work was O.K.. Denise and I made love once (2 variations) it was rather great I must admit. And we have been getting along rather great, I must say. She loves me a lot and I guess I’ll have to say I love her also. I have revised my goals a little and I hope soon to have them completely “positioned.” On Friday at 8 pm we are supposed to play at Taylor’s.

March 24th, 1976
(S)(E)
Wednesday (2/118.5) Today I went to Denise’s for lunch and then to Grams for an afternoon snack and tea. Then I went to work and had a great time talking to everybody. I’ve got to wash my smock tomorrow. I revised my system of success today and I “feel” better about it now. After work Tom and I practiced and the girls came over. We were sounding great but once the girls came, well, I just don’t think they fit all the time. At any rate, I was a little upset with Denise and it caused what I thought to be the ending of our romance, but upon her examination I found out that I have been mistaken and tonight has only opened up new doors for us and we will continue seeing each other. It took me an hour and a half to write it out but I finally got it right.

March 25th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)
Thursday (4/122.5) Today was a fantastic day. (The revisions of my goals were an important step.) Denise phoned me at 11 and asked if she could see me after work. I said yes and she came up before I had to leave and we made love and she drove me to work. Work was fun – Chuck hassled me but it ended O.K. I was even joking around with him. Denise picked me up and boy! Did she look fantastic. We made love and then I drove to Tom’s – as he got in the car he said we had an audition to play for over 100 people. We arrived at Fred’s – I ate a lasagna dinner and sure enough there were two girls that were there to listen to us. We passed the audition with flying colors and we’ll be playing on April 11th at Foster City Community Hall at 8pm. We stayed til 3 a.m. I didn’t sleep until 5 a.m. I was so excited! We are going to be able to sing all our own originals.

March 26th, 1976
(L)
Friday (.5/123) I woke at Tom’s house and went to Mike’s to tell him about our good fortune. He got me started talking about Tesario Vasquez and he showed me a tree in the Parrott estate, which had a cross, which Vasquez had allegedly carved 80 years ago as a mark to identify where the treasure was. We went to a neat cemetery nearby. He’s dry-washer is all fixed up – it’s neat too. I got Denise. We went to Hock’s and then to Taylor’s. I had my first beer since I’d been arrested in January – a Towenbreu. Afterwards I parked with Denise and though she said she didn’t want to make love I got her so turned on she couldn’t help it – She got so juicy. Oh, I forgot – she ate dinner over at my house and we made love in my bedroom before.

March 27th, 1976
(A)(E)(L)
Saturday (1.5/124.5) I awoke by phone call from Marty saying that he was coming over to get the furniture. I introduced him to my Dad and I left for Tom’s where I met Penny and Fred and Tom and we all drove down to Woodside and they got stoned. I had one Heineken. We practiced at Tom’s for ½ hour. We (Mike, Marc, Donna, me, Helen, Linda and Maxine) threw a little surprise party for my father after dinner. I brought Denise up and we all had a real good time. Denise gave me a handjob in front of her house before she went in. I’m supposed to help Marty in the morning and see Denise in the afternoon and practice with the H.R.’s during the evening. It was a pretty good day all around. Oh – and I had a glass of champagne in honor of my father.

March 28th, 1976
(L)(E)
Sunday (5/129.5) Marty came by in the morning and I helped him move. It was about 1pm when I returned home. At about 4pm Denise came by and checked out the tubes for my tape recorder. Afterwards we drove to Burlingame and parked and made love. I was acting innocent – like I was a virgin. It was a blast. She dropped me off. We had dinner and afterwards I went to Fred’s. Fred and I played a few songs and then he started figuring out a set and I began figuring out the chords to my songs, so as I can copyright them. It was intriguing to discover that my songs are filled with chords such as F#m4 and others alike. We went to Stop and Go for coffee, etc. We ended up, me sleeping in the living room, Fred in his bed laughing to sleep at 5 am.

March 29th, 1976
(E)(L)
Monday (2/131.5) Despite the fact we would have liked to awake earlier 10:30 a.m. was the best we could do. We went down to look at an ovation guitar and I was very disappointed – so we drove over to my Dad’s court where we were treated to lunch with Levy. We saw a little of Levy’s final argument. I barely got to work on time. Work as usual, was easy and fun. After work Denise gave me a surprise visit so we went out and made love and went to Tom’s. She stayed for five minutes. When she left Tom and I wrote another song “Tin God’s On Their Horses” – an excellent song in which I placed about 3 of my best riffs ever. But I was too tired to do anything more so we went to sleep about 1 am. I slept over cause I was too tired to drive.

March 30th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
Tuesday (5/136.5) Looking back over the last seven days I find that each day we have had some practice which may explain the apparent lull we are going through right now. Tom and I are getting on each other’s nerves and we should really take a break instead of practicing so hard. Denise and I made great love today. It was, to say the least, such an utter turn on – Phew! – Great! I got home and phoned Rob and he told me they were all waiting for me. So I arrived at 1:15 am. I don’t know why I got on Tom’s back so much being as though I’ll always be nuts over the guy – one of my best friends for life. Oh well, we’ll see – we’ll all start getting along. I love both those guys and Denise. I cause a lot of fights – maybe I’ll grow up someday.

March 31st, 1976
(S)
Wednesday - Well, I lay here on my bed, a victor of another day. How many have I conquered in the past? I guess it amounts to about 7500 days. That is what my life is made up of – simple days added together. What have I accomplished in the last 7500 days? I’ve grown from a miniscule organism into a living breathing man, who knows fairly well the ways of society. Now is my time to act – I have about 2750 days to achieve a great end. I dream so often, I make myself believe my dreams. Whatever end I come to, I have conquered quite a few days already, despite being too small to see without a microscope as my beginning. Nature has always stood by me. I await tomorrow. That was pretty nice, huh? Saw Denise – only kissed – Talked to Nuria. Soup. Pam wants to see me. Talked to Fred. Went to work.

April 1st, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (7/143.5) Today was short of unbelievable. Denise came up and we made love in my bedroom for the last time. We don’t want to get caught. Work was blast and after I bombed to Tom’s for a practice from 9:30pm to 4:50 a.m. the best by far we have ever had. We wrote a song, I wrote most of the music, called “I Propositioned a Girl.” It is so fantastic! Fred wrote a short little interlude, which is his first contribution of the type. Fred organized the sets and we now have two sets. I went into the practice determined to make it go great and I think the others did too because we knocked ourselves out of our chairs. I even took one hit off a joint and it only made me feel better! I dreamed all through the night. All the good things that would befall us.

April 2nd, 1976
(L)(F)(S)
Friday - I had a leisurely day and even got to read a little. I was with Denise from about 5 pm til about 2 am. We made love once – 2 variations. We went to Rob’s in the evening and I even smoked about one joint. My day came home, nothing on his case yet. I heard a song by Genesis called “Luck of the Jail” which I thought was fantastic. I asked him to play it 3 times. Oh, I got paid $82.05. I gave Helen $10.00 for rent. So now I have about $91.00. I hope I can deposit some more in my savings account. I got my passbook back and I have $458.08 in there. That’s pretty exciting. What can I say but that I am the eternal optimist so despite occasional unpleasant thoughts or circumstances I love my life.

April 3rd, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (1/144.5) Went to see “one Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” I didn’t like it. I went and fucked Denise and I liked it immensely. I don’t understand how people can go around with each other and then break up just when their sex-life is at its peak. It doesn’t make sense. I mean, look at Denise. She’s already to break up because I won’t marry her. Our sex life is fantastic. I can’t just throw it away. It’s got to continue. She can search for a husband and still get it on with me. I want a purely sexual relationship with her. I went to Rob’s today and we got stoned but Tom and I practiced for only ½ hour, but I’ll leave the 1 hour mark up there. It’s only an approximation.

April 4th, 1976
(E)
Sunday (4/148.5) I’ve spent the day practicing with Tom. We’re stoned together and with my brother Mike and I must say, Mike is letting us borrow his 2 amps and microphone if we need them. By my estimation, if we want to be famous quickly we have got to go over big, big, big, big at this concert and I think we can supply the energy, talent and confidence to do the job. My mind is like a highly tuned engine. Marijuana is helping it. Like it’s the gas! We sounded great today. We decided to tell Fred not to sing so much. Tom is breaking up with Debbie but I’ll be damned if I am going to break up with Denise. I am going to ask her tonight for a purely sexual relationship. My mind is so turned on!!!

April 5th, 1976
(S)
Monday (5/153.5) Everything is going my way. It is becoming apparent that something wonderful is happening to me, I don’t know exactly how it is happening, but it is something so wonderful it is practically beyond human comprehension. It is as if I am getting higher and higher and higher, all the time my feet still on the ground – everyone is doing exactly what I want of them. It is as if all I must do is give the word and the world is at my feet. If I want something it is more than gladly given to me. (I didn’t see or hear from Denise today.) Remember with joy in years to come that these specific days were the revolutionary period of my life when I went though my transformation – April 4, 5, and I can’t tell yet when, if ever, it’ll ever end. Oh - ! And this is the time I have patiently waited out.

April 6th, 1976
(L)(E)
Tuesday (3/156.5) Denise came up at about 4pm and gave me a blowjob in my room. Went to work and had an easy time of it. After work I visited Denise and then bombed down to Fred’s at 11:30pm. Penny eventually left and Tom came over with Debbie. We got a little practice accomplished. Then they started smoking hash and eventually practice fizzed out. Tom eventually left and Fred and I talked until about 5am. I have got to decide where I stand with Fred in general and specifically where he stands within the group how he and others fit into my future. He’s very eager and has successful visions of our fate. I had another lapse into strange stimuli today and I am trying my hardest to discover how to overcome some of my own personal weaknesses.

April 7th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)(F)
Wednesday (1.5/158) My life is curious – on one hand, as it gets better – and it does get better daily, every joy becomes greater – but every once in a while I have a relapse into weird thought patterns that I don’t know how to combat. I can confirm today that to have successful intercourse all one needs to do is to refrain from any drugs (alcohol included) or other sexual stimulation for 48 hours, you’ve got to “train your dick” to do what you want, when you want. I’m getting gross. I had a 20-minute fuck tonight and all went perfectly. I closed our World Savings account and opened that 3-party Bank of America account. I went to work. I practiced with Fred for 1-½ hours. Tomorrow I am going to go to get the buzz out of my guitar. I can’t wait. The day is approaching close for the H.R’s.

April 8th, 1976
(E)
Thursday (5.5/163.5) After work tonight I bombed straight down to Tom’s. Soon Mike Taylor came over and then Fred phoned and told us to come down to his place because a lot of people were down there. We went down, reluctantly, and we were recorded by a guy named Lenny, and Lenny wants us to come back next week with a no-noise Ampex cassette tape and he’ll record us again. In listening to the tape I decided we aren’t doing enough solo singing. We all went in the bathroom and were talking, first Tom and I, and we were saying, “Fred doesn’t have a good voice.” So when Fred came in, rather then lie I told him – “Fred, Tom and I were just saying – Fred can’t sing.” What could he do? He told us he thinks he can, you’ve got to admire his spirit. Our understanding with Fred must be developed, and will be soon.

April 9th, 1976
(L)(E)(A)(F)
Friday (8/172.5) Denise came by at 4:30 pm and she was upset because a few days earlier I had said, “our relationship is a sexual one.” – and I cleared it up and then she blew me and we fucked twice. I went to Tom’s by eight and Taylor came over and said “I have $1500 and I’d like to help you” and to me privately – “Jeff, can I help you?” – so I told him I’d think about it and let him know – at the time of this writing I have already decided – yes – we practiced for a long time and we got a lot of songs down. I got back all of my singing solo’s and gave Tom some. We perfected a few songs and things look good. I think our understanding with Fred is almost completed because I can look Fred in the eye and say, “Don’t sing there.” We went to breakfast at 5am and then drove to Coyote Point to watch the sun rise. I finally got to sleep at 6:30 am.

April 10th, 1976
(L)
Saturday (4.25/175.75) I went to Fisherman’s Wharf with Denise and we made love once.

April 11th, 1976
(E)(S)(F)
Sunday (4/179.75) – We did it! We had our first concert – and it was a success! We got paid $30! We only did our first set but the people clapped after every song. Energy, Buried Treasure, When I Tell You I Love You, and It’s My Time went over big. We were great on stage. We are all sure we are going to the top. It was so fun I couldn’t believe it. I suffered no nervousness at all. I was completely relaxed and confident because I knew we were going to be good – because the whole idea behind our group is successful and quite fantastic. All our friends were there. The feeling comes over me that I am the Master of my Fate – the Captain of my soul – and I am on my journey – but the very beginnings.

April 12th, 1976
(E)(L)
Monday (Adding practice before hand. 180 + .5 afterwards and 1 in between, 181.5+ 1 hour concert time.) So → (0/181.5/1)
Well, I lay on my bed right now and I wonder why can’t people see the road to happiness is self-love. My father has just given me his usual lecture that we have to play other people’s music to make it which is excellent because – who’s in my father’s mind – us! – the fact we are not conventional bothers him and makes him uneasy so he tries to change it. After all, this kind of reaction is natural. It’s O.K. – let him sit on it for a while – he’ll change his tune to ours. I went to work – to Denise’s made love and one variation and came home. Me and the boys are taking a break until Wednesday when we’ll get together again. My car isn’t starting well. Got a letter from Mom and 4 ushers passes from Donna.

April 13th, 1976
(F)(L)(A)
Tuesday (0/181.5/1) Well, Helen just got through yelling at me, with good cause, for leaving something in the oven this afternoon. Besides that this is how things stand. Right now I feel – oh, I guess content. Things could be better, admittedly, but things could be a lot worse, very much worse, and in the realization if things could even stay the same, with all my little problems and worries, I would be very, very, very lucky. So lucky in fact that I plan to keep things the way they are with a little improvement every day. I sent my transcript to $150 via CSM. I dropped off Mike’s equipment. I phoned Taylor and Hall, made love to Denise, went to work, went to Eddie Kramer’s music world and had him tell me to go to Jon and Irene Lundeberg’s for my first job.

April 14th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (0/181.5.1) Boy, I was insulted a little when Tom said he didn’t want to practice today. He said Fred has gone to L.A. for a week. Jim Romeo came home tonight. I talked to Nuria’s Mother, Laura. I didn’t talk to Denise. I went to the beach today and then to work. After work Mike Cook and I went to Lyon’s and talked – he’s such a good man. He said last year at this time he had 14 girlfriends. My Dad said that I shouldn’t have Hockridge write my lyrics for me – I don’t think he likes my group. Yesterday Denise said that her sister Donna said, “I want to go out with Jeff.” I phoned Chris but she wasn’t home. I was hoping to go up there and stay with her. I think I’ll like to start cheating on Denise but still have her as my girlfriend. I don’t know if I mentioned it but every once in a while Irene at work makes passes at me. And Liz at work is incredibly beautiful. And I still wonder why Giovanna has not written me. Today my mind feels expanded.

April 15th, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (0/181.5/1) Well, I find now that at 10pm or 10:30 pm tonight Tom phoned me, which was nice of him. I was out with Denise. I made love tonight the way I always would like to make love. I was so frustrated I just undid our pants pressed her down, stuck it in, and pumped away for about 15 minutes. Today Taylor and I went to Half Moon Bay. The winds were up and the sea was high. We talked of a tentative sailboat trip around the world in May of 1978, where we’d build a steel boat and bring along 2 girls, one for each of us, to relieve us of our hormones. Retro! We tried to fly kites and they busted. Later on we played guitars and I suggested to him that he could play the bass for us and he said he already though of it.

April 16th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (.5/182/1) We’ve called a moratorium on practice until Fred returns form his Fab vacation. I saw Cappa today and will see him tomorrow at Hockridge’s 21st birthday party. Tonight I had 3 beers and all day helped smoke 2 cigarettes of Columbia’s gold. Tom and I played a few songs by accident. I made passionate love to Denise in my bedroom when nobody was looking. Today Hockridge said, “To give you an idea of exactly where my head is at, I want our group to be on the road as soon as possible.” That will be June, Tom Cappa said, “Can I come?” When I invited him and a mate along with Taylor and I on a tentative sailing trip around the world beginning in May of 1978. If there are 6 of us and it costs $3000 to build and outfit a ship it would cost $500 a piece, and I have $500 in my bank account (I’d like to keep the money there, though.)

April 17th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (.5/182.5/1) Today was quite exceptional. I saw “Take the Money and Run” and Sherlock Holmes Smarter Brother; for $1 and I went with Denise and Mike Taylor. Afterwards Denise and I drove up to Skyline College and made very excellent love and 2 varieties. I picked up Taylor and we went over to Tom’s. Mike said to Gary, “I am not asking you to come – I’m telling you to come – we need a geologist.” So I was very happy because I really wanted Gary to go – so in May of ’78 on thereabouts we’re departing. That’ll give us all time to finish our schooling. Later on, when Hockridge was thoroughly drunk he said, “Shea, you see my future – your guitar – your voice – you play guitar better than anyone I know – better than Walsh” and Cappa and I are the best of friends. Tom was more drunk than I’d ever seen him, (we also went to the beach before the show.)

April 18th, 1976
(L)(A)
Sunday (0/182.5/1) – Easter – Well, once again home on a warm bed – how nice! I woke at Tom’s Denise came up to tell me she has had it – that things must change – I never take her out to dinner, etc. and she wants to do those things. I just ignored her and she got pissed. I went to the beach for about 3 hours and I cooked lunch on an open fire. At dinner time I received a call from Ms. Tovalas, quite a surprise and I told her I would be right up. I called Denise at her grandmother’s and she was acting like she wanted to break up – foolish girl! – Why should she punish herself so – I’ll be in her graces and pants in 3 days (I hope, I bet.) – On my way to Chris’s my car broke down so I never got there. My lovely father got me and we had a drink at a bar and saw Mark Fadgen there. All that is wrong in my car is the attachment of the battery cables – I’ll fix them myself – We got the car jumped. So it looks like I’ll be seeing Denise. I can’t wait until Fred returns.

April 19th, 1976
(L)(F)
Monday (0/182.5/1) Here I am – I feel like I’m a king because I enjoy so much – and much more than did any king of old – why I have more conveniences. Denise and I made up today and her and I made 30 minutes of the most beautiful love one can imagine. I have $85 in checks today. Talked to Chris when I got home on phone heard that Nepal, Afghanistan and Burma are the cheapest places to live - $500 would get you through six months. I’ve got to keep free and do everything legal and I’ll always enjoy all of this fun. Tom phoned work and I left a message but I phoned and told Blaine I’ll see him tomorrow night. Things are starting to jump – can you tell? I talked to Chepite Areas today at the spa. Got my battery charged – and I am into the 5th chapter of JRR Tolkien’s ‘Lord of the Rings.’ I am going to get Denise a ring for her birthday. (Bernadette’s phoning in 6 days.)

April 20th, 1976
(F)(L)(E)
Tuesday (4/186.5/1) I am stoned on gold right now! I just finished April 20th as these are the reports: Fine day both weather-wise and otherwise. I mailed Mom $37.50 to cover ½ of my $75 debt – and I wrote her a note. I had a lot of fun at work. Denise gave me a 3 or 4 minute BJ before I went to work and I achieved orgasm. After work – went to Tom’s – his parents are buying him a microphone – a good one – for his birthday! I’ve got to figure out the equipment arrangement soon. Tom and I sang both our sets, had some cake. I listened to our tape, we smoked a joint of gold and then I sang the new song that I was working on today – pg. 238 LOR – (Tolkien). Tom liked it. I also played that tune I came up with on Sunday last or Saturday last. He liked that too. His closing words were, “Jeff, we are going to see a great change for the better and are going to take a great step up in the next 4 months.”

April 21st, 1976
(L)
Wednesday (0/186.5/1) This morning I fixed myself a nice big breakfast and I was off to the Aquarium, Planetarium and Hall of Minerals, etc. Afterwards I went to the beach and read the Fellowship of the Ring at Ocean Beach. At work I had a fantastic time. Denise and I made love after looking at all those beautiful bods at work I get so horny and I feel almost a lust. I really have a ball when we get it on. (1 variation tonight.) When she wanted to know why I was shocked, she sent me so many letters I said, “Because, no one had ever cared so much about me.” What a great line! It seems to hold some great truth about love in it – having someone care. Maybe nobody has ever loved me so much before – maybe that’s why I like her so much! I watched ‘Night Gallery’ and “Dark Shadows.’ Today was a lot of fun. Each day is exciting.

April 22nd, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (5.5/192/1) It is nearly 4 a.m. on the 23rd and I have just arrived home from Tom’s from a very long practice (which seemed very short) in which we wrote 3 songs of exquisite caliber – first – “The Desperation in All of Us” – second – “The Fast Life in the City” – third – I completely wrote “On One Fine Day” – It’ll be Denise’s birthday song – to tell her of my adventures once and for all. Tom and I are hopeful and reinstituted into our ways of playing music. We’ll be together tomorrow for another practice in the afternoon. We are so fantastic. I am very excited when I think of all that may come. I made love to Denise today. I read to pg. 407 in the Lord of the Rings. Got the slides form our concert (I’ll view them tomorrow.) I variation BJ – smoked gold tonight. Very nice experience.

April 23rd, 1976
(E)
(4/196/1) Friday. It is 3 a.m. I am conducting an experiment. I allowed myself 8 hours of sleep a night for a few nights and last night I began a week long vigil of 6 hours of sleep a night. If I can function I will try 5 hours a night for a week. It would be nice to have 5 hours of sleep a night – but I wouldn’t want to sleep less because I like to sleep anyway. Tom and I played with Fred in front of Penny and Brian and later for John Ferrara and Dan Pascesrik and later for Mike Taylor. We are really hyped about our new songs and I want to practice a lot. (Next Sunday.) I smoked marijuana gold and drank beer and tequila sunrises today and tonight. It might be kind of a drag because my battery in my car seems shot but I hope I can fix it without spending a lot of money. I got a letter from Jeff C!

April 24th, 1976
(L)(S)(A)
(0/196/1) Saturday – The main event of today was going to a wedding. It should be noted that I slept nearly 3 hours after the reception dinner, I am trying a new sleeping goal – tonight – a top buttoned with no bottom, that I made love to Denise today at Fort Miley, that I finished the first volume of the Trilogy – 527 pages – and now await the second, that I have been checking all bad thoughts in my mind by saying, “Don’t kid me,” or “Don’t play games with my mind.” – that my father advises me to read two of the books he has, that I received a letter from Bernadette saying she’ll be arriving July 31st, that she talked to Rougean and he’s coming to America, that visions of Giovanna and Europe keep coming back to me and I think I want to record all the little anecdotes, etc. that have not already been recorded.

April 25th, 1976
(L)(F)
Sunday (0/196/1) My experiment on sleep is now terminated – I couldn’t go 2 days with 6 hours a night without falling asleep – so I am going to sleep 8 from now on. I made love for ½ hour tonight to Denise – 2 variations. Taylor and I talked about our trip. Tentatively we are going to June 15th, 1978. I think I might ask Giovanna along. (I talked to Rob for about an hour on the phone today.) There will be 6 people on the boat Taylor will build it – 35 to 42 feet. Cappa, I, and Taylor will have to come up with $3500 each between ourselves and the girl chosen to go along. Mike cannot start to build the boat until he gets the money. We plan to be gone for 1-½ years and to write a book on our return. We want to think of a theme for our trip. There’s a lot that lies ahead. I want the H.R.’s to play again soon – maybe Hoover.

April 26th, 1976
(E)
Monday (5/201/1) Fred showed. We just finished practicing and it was sure good to be back with the boys again. First, we went over every song we were to play at our concert and then we went over the new ones. Then we smoked 2 joints of gold and went out to Tom’s attic and played some more songs for a while. We’ll practice again on Wednesday. I talked to Denise only for a few minutes today and I’ll phone her tomorrow – we’re supposed to go out and get her a ring. I got balled out at work today – partly justified and partly unjustified – someone accused me of calling some people faggots and I never said that – but I hardly know what to do. I’d almost rather not have the job, yet still I don’t even like to be chastised – so I’ll see it doesn’t happen again – I’ll just mind my own business more. What’s happening to the H.R.’s – I sure hope something good happens soon!
April 27th, 1976
(L)(F)
Tuesday (0/201/1) (Denise’s birthday) Boy was I a good man today. Denise and I were down in San Carlos and looking for a ring for her for her birthday and suddenly I saw a dress in the window that I thought was so foxy – she liked it and tried it on and I said, “you’re going home with it!” She was stunned and said so later. I also bought her an ice cream and some cookies. She drove me to and from work. She was wearing Jean Nate (bat) spray power – one of my favorite scents – fantastic – reminds me so much of Meg McCorkle - I think I’ll drop her a line and ask. As I was coming home the figure $17,500 popped into my mind and I thought – “What would I do with $17,500 and I don’t know – so I am going to play a game and figure out exactly what I’d do if I had it (Cause I feel I’m going to get it!) Remember chicks love Jovan Musk oil. Denise looked foxy tonight. She gave me a BJ to the point of orgasm this afternoon and excellent love in the evening.

April 28th, 1976
(E)
Wednesday (5/206/1) Everyday someone phones my house and wants to speak with me or see me. It could be Rob, Tom, Denise, Taylor, Nuria, Christabelle, Reagan, Fred, Cappa or any other one of my fans. But I am their fans too. Very much so. I love them all, very much. Today I received some all too good news. John Hockridge said his group might be breaking up and he wants to drum with us and his friend Tony wants to practice with us supposedly, but the second ½ of that is no, but to John a yes. My plan is becoming perfect. Tonight we had a very inspiring practice. We are good. (I didn’t talk to Denise today.) Tom broke up with Debbie. Taylor came over today and I rode one wave at a Pacifica with him. Jesus was it cold! My life right now is my music. I look forward so much to my practice. We wrote our 26th song today and started our 27th. I really believe that we are on the way up to the top, top, top. Those guys asked me to come to Chico this weekend and to practice tomorrow night.

April 29th, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (5/211/1) I went to Denise’s for lunch – or at least to where she works – Then she came up after her job and I visited her for a while. By the way, she gave me a BJ during lunchtime. I went off to work and had an easy time of it. Fred phoned when I wasn’t home and told my Dad he wasn’t practicing. I went down to Tom’s and soon after I arrived Mike Taylor came over. We talked until quarter to 11 and then went to Tom’s room to practice. After a few hours Taylor left. Tom and I smoked some hash and went out to the attic and wrote two more songs “Big Chested Ladies” and “The Ways To Turn Girls Heads.” I especially like the second one – it was a stroke of genius. Tom is going away for the weekend. I went over to Taylor’s at 4 a.m. after practice and slept there cause we’re going to garage sale in the morning. Tom and I will have written 30 songs when we’ve finished the last one we’re starting to write!

April 30th, 1976
(L)(A)(F)
Friday (0/211/1) Today was one of the truly great days of my life so far. I awoke at 8 a.m. Mike and I went to a few garage sales and then returned to his house. We then got the inspiration to go to The Palace of Legion of Honor – we saw a special exhibit from Russia. Then we ran down the cliff to the water and back to the car. We went to the De Young museum and saw an African exhibit. During the day I saw Gaugahn, Rembrandt, Picasso’s, Caravaggio, Hals, Van Dyck and many more. We went to cash my paycheck. On the way home from his house I saw Kenny V. whom I haven’t seen for years. We’ll be getting together soon. Denise and I got a $9.54 room at the Casa Mateo Inn and went to dinner for $15.00 at the Shadows – it was great! I had soup, salad, filet of sole, asparagus, French bread and coffee! She had sauerbraten. We made love five times (including the morning of May 1st) and five variations. On the 1st of May I was very fatigued from sexual exhaustion!

May 1st, 1976
(L)(A)(E)
Saturday (0/211/1) Today was another marvelous example of what a day should be. I awoke at the Casa Mateo – I mentioned on the last page the love we made this morning. I drove home. My father had me a key made for the front door and we went for a six-mile hike through Sawyer Camp Road, which was pleasant. At 5pm. Taylor came to my house. We drove to my grandmothers and had rice pudding with strawberry topping and tea. At 7pm we went and ushered for Eguus and watched the show. It was intense and bad but I liked it. There was an abundance of beauties there as customers. The chick on stage took of her clothes – it was great! She had nice tits and a nice bod. I saw the chick I have been dreaming of to meet for so long. She was so beautiful! Blonde, great face. But alas! I only looked. Taylor and I went for coffee at Lyon’s and laughed all night.

May 2nd, 1976
(L)
Sunday (0/211/1) Note: the next big step in our group should occur at the 243 hour mark – boy, have we practiced a lot!! I went over Denise’s for the good part of the day – about an hour before I left her I introduced the idea to her of coming along on our trip and she seemed receptive to the idea, but I can’t quite resolve in my mind if I want her to go with us. I went over Reagan’s and talked about marriage and then played “How to Turn Girl’s Heads” and he liked it. I phoned Chris and went to see her at midnight for the first time in a year! We immediately started kissing and she said it was O.K. to fuck since she was still in the end of her period. She has the biggest tits I’ve ever touched. I just gathered up her tits and stuck my dick in her unaccustomed vagina and had the thrill of my life! Made love twice today, makes twice with Christabelle.

May 3rd, 1976
(E)(F)
Monday (6/217/1) I woke up at Chris’s and was 45 minutes late to Gram’s so I gave her a call and had tea with her. I brought her to the bank. She was so glad I helped her that she bought me lunch – veal Scaloppini at Bruno’s on mission and gave me $5 for gas and bought me a new pair of black slacks for work. I phoned Denise. Work went smoothly and I went to Tom’s. Stupid Fred didn’t show up until 10:45 or 11pm, but we introduced him to our new songs and how could he help but love them. We sang until 4 a.m. in the attic and smoked some marijuana. (I read to pg. 211 in Tolkien today.) Practice went well. Thursday and Friday we’re supposed to practice again. Do I want Denise to come with me on that trip? Fred fucked something like 9 chicks at Chico. I can’t wait ‘til I achieve that status!!!

May 4th, 1976
(L)(A)
Tuesday (0/217/1) I awoke in time to get down to visit Denise for lunch. Afterwards I had barley enough time to get some things done to get to work. Work went quickly and Denise met me afterwards – we got in my car and made love once by S.F. State. I told her about the tentative sailboat trip around the world and she seemed displeased caught in the conflict of her own wants and mine. But if she doesn’t want to go she doesn’t have to. She seemed kind of upset like I’d been cheating on her or something, but with girls you never know. I drove to my sisters and we went to Fenton’s Creamery – I had a Fenton’s Special (Last time I went there I had a banana split -) We went back to her place. There was an extremely interesting story on TV about Pyramids and connecting sex energy.

May 5th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (Court 9 a.m.) (0/217/1) Why isn’t anything exciting happening in my life? I’m just playing in a group that is going to make millions and planning a trip around the world by sailboat in two years. I just have a foxy girlfriend who just got her own apartment. My French-girlfriend is coming to visit me. I work amongst pretty girls in tights – so why doesn’t anything exciting happen? Just kidding. Denise got her apartment tonight. I helped her move her stuff in – some of it at least – we made love twice. My case got dismissed from court but I’m disappointed that they could not expunge it from the record. Work was a blast. Mike and I had a beer while working – mischievous little guys we are – but legal! Come to think of it – maybe it’s against health regulations – but that is civil not penal. I’m almost finished with the Two Towers. Liz, a former employee got to talk to me tonight.

May 6th, 1976
(E)
Thursday (5/222/1) Well, let me see, I am writing this on Saturday and I must think a little but, hmmm… Tonight Mike and I drank 3-7ozs. Coors a piece at work – that was fun. I pulled up to Tom’s and him and Fred were singing out on the roof. We had a very fine practice and got stoned on Tom’s new supply of gold. I feel so relieved now that the court thing is resolved. Phew! I slept over at Tom’s house. I think I only talked to Denise today. I sent letters to Gary, Giovanna, Clymer, Bernadette, Laurie Jacobsen and Nuria today. I am getting so expectant as to when something is going to happen with our group. I guess it takes time but some things should be happening. I think we all want to get a job someplace. I was talking about adding a bass player but I’ll have to think it out before I make up my own mind. If I ever do it’ll be a girl from Florida.

May 7th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (3.5/225.5/1) When I got up I went down to Fred’s and I bathed in the sun. Tom came by, we all went for a swim, we got some beer and sang some songs and then we went to get Tom’s gold – then we got so stoned. I just got zonked and I hated it – didn’t feel so hot or vivacious. I got on a real bummer because I thought, “Nobody likes our music.” – and it occurred to me that we’re only kidding ourselves. And I was just on a bummer in general. Well, in the light of sobriety I can see we are an excellent group and all my wishes will come true. I went to Denise’s and had Beef Stroganoff and then we made love approximately 4 times before I got up Saturday morning – her apartment is great. Tom misses Debbie and perhaps he’ll go back with her.

May 8th, 1976
(E)(F)
Saturday (.5/226/1) Today started with waking up at Denise’s and going to sleep at Tom’s after playing racquetball at the Wallbangers in Foster City until 3:25 a.m. complements of Lenny Poleshea the manager – God is he lucky! – he makes from $1000 - $1700 a month and has lots of chicks and plays racquetball for the money – some guys have all the luck – oh well! I’m pretty lucky too. I went out with Marty and Tom. Fred supposedly broke up with Penny Parker, but don’t believe it. We went to a party at the Scotch Hollow with all kinds of girls but I didn’t touch one of them. That’s O.K. – too – my time will come just wait and see! We smoked some J’s and I drank some Carlsberg beer from Denmark. My brother Marc was accepted to law school today. It is exciting to hear both Lenny and Marty want to record us, so I guess will be doing that soon!

May 9th, 1976
(L)(E)
Sunday (6/232/1) What a day! Denise told me to leave her house so I did and then she came to my house and made up and made the most beautiful love to me! – It was phenomenal – a really unusual experience. Our practice tonight was monumental. Taylor is going to play bass for us – it is so perfect. Him and Edwards came over and we played 10 songs in a row and Edwards praised every one of them and he has never heard us before. Tom and I decided Taylor is in. It was such an inspirational practice. Tom and I are hoping that Fred will start showing up on account of Taylor. We’re going to buy Mike a bass. It’s so exciting! We are going straight to the top! We wrote 2 bitchin’ songs today – “(Life is a) Renaissance Fair.” And “Suscco” – they are great for a total of 32 songs. We may be playing for a lawn party on Sunday.

May 10th, 1976
(E)(L)
Monday (2/234/1) What a day! (Again) Work was rather shitty because I got in a spat with Chuck – he’s such an asshole sometimes. I went to get Ken Urvata and we went to Philly Martin’s house where Mike Taylor (latest addition to the Hopeless Romantics) is staying. I started having such a good time!! I phoned Fred and he immediately came up. Friedman was there. It was marvelous. I phoned Tom – he immediately came down. – and so – the first practice with all four of us – it was exciting.
Diary, I couldn’t emphasize how fantastic the chemistry that was there between us was. Very powerful! Tom brought by some Thai-stick. I had about 2-3 beers. I actually should not have but I drove to Denise’s. When I arrived we made love and wonderful it was! Then I popped off to sleep – actually I was very high – so good! How good is so good! Too Good!

May 11th, 1976
(L)(E)(S)
Tuesday (0/234/1) Don’t ever let doubts when reading this in later days deny you of the joy of knowing at this time you are popular and, in fact, at one time or another all of your friends resound with praise – “You’re a genius.” – “You are amazing.” (But typical comments.) I awoke at Denise’s. Went to the Canyon Club for a swim. I made love twice to Denise as I slept over her house tonight. I will finish The Lord of the Rings. 1400 Pages tomorrow. People dig me – if it keeps up I am going to be amazingly popular. I got a 6-month free pass for my father at the Spa. Work whizzed by as usual. Every one of the four members of the Hopeless Romantics is amazingly resourceful – so things should start happening quickly now. Tomorrow I shall add a declaration to my goals. “I am the happiest man in the world.”

May 12th, 1976
(E)
Wednesday (5/239/1) Two days have passed sense I have written in this dairy and now I must recall – I finished the Lord of the Rings – probably the best book I have ever read – but the 1400 pages were too short. We practiced tonight with Taylor and I was in sort of a hungry mood so I was crabby – but practice trudged along and being with friends is always a treat. I slept at home today. Which for this week – is quite unusual. Taylor and I got in a little spat – well I was really not in the best of moods, but he is very temperamental all the time anyway. We are supposed to be playing this weekend. Fred was late as usual, but that is O.K. – I didn’t see Denise accept for in the morning. She says she wants to live with me.

May 13th, 1976
(E)(L)
Thursday (1.5/140.5/1) Today was so great, so fantastic. I could hardly believe it. But I awoke with the intention that it was going to be a good day. I awoke and ate a huge breakfast and went to work at 1pm. It was so easy to be there in the afternoon. Work whizzed by – all 3 hours. I went down to Denise’s and Tom and Debbie came over with a six-pack of Heineken and some gold. We played some songs and sounded fairly good and got real high. I was just jumpin’ I was feeling so good. When Tom and Debbie left to get more beer Denise and I made love and again.

May 14th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Friday (2.5/243/1) And so, another leaf of the book of my life is being scribbled on – who knows, if I am fortunate I may have 30,000 pages in this book before I leave earth. Mike Taylor said he doesn’t want to be a professional musician – he doesn’t even understand… yet! I woke at Denise’s went to Edwards, went swimming at the Canyon Club, practiced at Fred’s – met a guy who might be able to turn us on to a big thing – his next door neighbor – Duke! I went to Rob Hall’s and got stoned, dropped off his books – settled an agreement. Had dinner at Denise’s – we made love 3 times with 2 variations before I awoke on the morrow. I gave her money for groceries. I cooked the chuck Steak and we had a great big dinner – She looked fantastic. I tell you, Jeff, that girl is going places! And so are you!

May 15th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (4/247/1) My mustache is coming along O.K. I made love once to Denise with 2 variations today. Very nice. I went home and read Carlos Castendas - The Teachings of Don Juan – a very strange book. It has much to do with drugs. The highlight of today is when Denise, Fred, Tom and I went to a small party at hidden beach. We played “I Would” first and as the night went on we played many other songs. It was marvelous. The fire burned brightly and the moon shone in the west. Once the wave almost wiped our party away. Jeff, right about now Fred and Tom are becoming very dedicated to the Hopeless Romantics – Tom got his microphone! Phew. What a doozy. We’ve got to get Taylor a bass or else he’ll not have the proper catalyst to his self-motivation. Since I have included Taylor in any goal perhaps it’ll work out!

May 16th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (1.5/248.5/2.5) I am glad to have my blue pen back again! Tonight we played for 1.5 hours for people at Livingston’s house and played another 1.5 in practice. Taylor came by unexpectedly and was so hard to get along with, saying all kinds of nasty things and leaving the room when we were playing, being totally negative, but despite the fact I said I thought he was fucked, I love him and foolish as it may seem, believe he will be in our group. We played, I love You – then – We’re on Top – Buried Treasure, Slow Down, Success, Fast Life in the City and Look Around and they all went over big – then, things wore down – the excitement wore off and a few tempers flared – Taylor’s, Fred’s and later on mine. But despite whatever, negative points there were, we had a hopeful outlook and we think it was a success. I went over Denise’s and made exquisite love to her.

May 17th, 1976
(L)(E)
Monday (0/248.5/2.5) Ah! Let me see, I have just arrived home from Denise’s after a very sexy experience making love once – her on top, my hand sunder her buttocks, grabbing her buns and she with her arms wrapped the other way. I was very pleased today because Fred phoned once to my house when I wasn’t there and also left a message at the sap. I found out when I phoned that he wanted to say that he would be late tomorrow night to the practice. And he said he was delighted with our sound Sunday. May I say it is extremely nice to have 2 such devoted members of our group. If we all keep this attitude, we are bound to make it. I got Denise a nice card tonight and she gave me one of those chocolate mint ice cream sandwiches. I started reading Mark Twain today.

May 18th, 1976
(E)(F)
Tuesday (4/252.5/2.5) I saw Denise today, but I criticized her and we only had 10 minutes together before I went to work. Let me skip everything today up to the point of practice. Tom and I wrote 3 songs tonight – first “Sleazy Charm” then “Sailor and Mate” next “How I Miss My Friends” -“Sleazy Charm” is like the first rock song I have ever written and I like it an awful lot. “Sailor and Mate” is a short ditty, which is quite pretty. “How I Miss My Friends” is from the music of Jeala and I liked it best of all, but that is only a spur of the Moment opinion. Tom and I, in my opinion are amazing – Catch up news – next Thursday – The H.R.’s handshake – “to the top” – next Friday. Denise wants to have a discussion about her finances. Someone recognizes my ability! Three songs!

May 19th, 1976
(L)
Wednesday (0/252.5/2.5) I got up with Tom and went down to the Teamster’s Union. Marc was there and got a job. Mike Taylor and I went junking in a debris box in Redwood City. At 7:30pm I took off from work and went to Ragan’s wedding rehearsal. Let me describe it through my own eyes: It was a beautiful church. There was Ragan – there was his bride I felt unenthused so I took a walk and when I came back my enthusiasm was with me. Afterwards we went to Minorca Way for a dinner. I felt so confident I surprised myself. I talked to Denny and Patrick and Mrs. Ragan and Mike, all with the same flare in my heart – a sort of moral strength – head high, back erect, (loud mouth), laughter in my eyes. Mike said he’d pay for part of my tux – poor guy – marriage is not for me!

May 20th, 1976
(E)(L)
Thursday (3/255.5/2.5) I went to work at 1pm and did very little but had a good time until 9pm. Then I went to Debbie’s birthday party at Denise’s – let me describe it in my own words: (though my own eyes) I walked in and Mike T, Fred, Penny, Tom, Debbie, Denise were there. I felt so popular. The feeling is so good to be surrounded by friends. Mike Cook and Peggy arrived shortly afterwards. Mike loved “Sleazy Charm.” I felt so good, so surrounded by love, so powerful, but not an authoritarian power – a power to rule myself and to do good – a power to keep myself happy – a power of unlimited energy and decision. We played “Sailor and Mate.” Denise’s neighbor came over and asked us to go to the beach. We tried but the party fell apart – I became so caught up in my power I became obnoxious – but I still was happy. The thing that was so great was that Mike Cook was really enjoying the party and the H.R.’s. Made love once, 1 variation.

May 21st, 1976
(E)
Friday (2/257.5/3) In the last month I’ve read 1800 pages. I’m writing this on the morning of the 22nd, Ragan’s Wedding day. Yesterday was a total bummer – I awoke with a cold and never got quite up to par the whole day – I’d say we had ½ hour of concert time over at Bobbie Blacklluin’s house and what a flop it was. Hock was on peyote and Fred and I were on pot and I was quite sick to begin with. So I had no, zero, energy! I was in a bummer mood all night. One thing I’ve got to do is, immediately copy the personality goals so I can read them when I sleep away from home without jeopardizing the book. It really puts me in a better frame of mind to read how bitchin’ I am – Me and the boys… What will happen? Jesus, I hope it’s good, rather, I hope it’s great – and soon.

May 22nd, 1976
(L)
Saturday (0/257.5/3) May I say that despite the occasional nuisances of my present life and despite the impression my previous entries of 1976 may sound like I am having generally the time of my life – everything is perfect. I am happy and I enjoy many things. Now I may add Ragan’s wedding took place today and the reception followed – it was quite good. Denise and I went together. It was a shame that I was too sick to view the “Taming of the Shrew” but instead Denise and I went to bed and made love oh say 3 times with 2 variations before I was quite awake on the morrow. I have a feeling exciting things are going to happen. They are gradually happening but I’m hoping for some big things to come my way soon! Ragan’s wedding went off great.
May 23rd, 1976
(E)(A)(F)
Sunday (9.5/267/3) We played every song except “In The Country” and played some many times today and tonight in the longest practice we’ve had yet. I went to Fred’s – Played basketball – went swimming and then I went back up and we started playing – we must have started at 3:30pm and finished at 2:30 a.m. which makes it quite a long practice. Some chick was there named Barbara and Jim Ragni came by and there was Richard W. Keen. We are going to try to audition at the Mother Lode in the next 2 weeks. Barbara told us we should. We smoke some Thai. Yes, definitely, the group is ready to perform. Sorry that we have a lack of money presently to buy the proper equipment, but we shall somehow come up with it!

May 24th, 1976
(L)(F)
Monday (0/267/3) “Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day!” Well, Mike is quitting the spa work. Went down to the Union hall – no work. Big event of the day was Denise and I nearly breaking up, but mostly because she wasn’t satisfied with my manners, lack of money, situation, etc, etc, etc! I didn’t know what to do because she was acting so sad and crying. From her point of view I feel sorry for her, from my point of view I think it’s all a play to trap me! Parents got home tonight. As I write this the 25th I might as well write the outcome. I don’t want to break up with her and likewise – She suggested (25th) that we get a common interest in a sports activity – like racquetball which is a stupendous idea! I really went for a scare tonight. But she was making everything around so important – so hasty. I gave in and said I’d let her have one of my kids. “When the time is right.” 10 years.

May 25th, 1976
(L)(E)
Tuesday (5.5/272.5/3) Today, as I think I mentioned in the last entry, Denise made up to me (one variation). I went to the Teamster’s in the morning, to no avail. I got my guitar cord fixed and then went to Taylor’s where upon we walked back to Wallmer’s and I again tried out their Ovation, but this time with an amp. Marvelous. I am to have it! Work – Angie is being nice to me. Movie – Taylor and I – documentary comedy on – “Butt lifts!” At practice – Fred’s – we were hot! Or I at least made us seem so. Roy and Bill Lambert were over (and Rick King) and were surprised. Later Tom and I left and went to his attic. Fred dropped by a surprise at midnight. We wrote “Old Man Prophecy” – I love the first part! We are going to audition on or before June 8th, 1976 at the Mother Lode. We all agreed that we want to forsake home for a while and travel with our band! Good!

May 26th, 1976
(L)
Wednesday (0/272.5/3) It is 1 am. I just arrived home from Denise’s! What a time it was!!!! So good! To be precise the most enjoyable sexual experience (save one – with Giovanna in London, which was so lusty) I have ever had – and, the reader may take note how it follows on the aftermath of a disagreement. Well, I should say it pays to be nice to your girlfriend. I charmed her butt right off tonight, rubbed her cream into her and gave her a little gift, which was given me by Christabelle. I must say, I am totally sexually satisfied by girls. We made love once with 5 variations – she looked pretty. She came to the Spa and we took a whirlpool together. My mind is really on chicks today. So much, so it is wonderful. She puts hot water in her mouth and eats me! Oh, so wonderful!

May 27th, 1976
(S)(F)(E)
Thursday (6/278.5/3) If what transpired tonight comes true you can consider another miracle to take place in the life of Jeff Shea (the first and only being the discovery of $1000 with which to go to Europe and the trip that thereof took place.) What happened is: Tom Hockridge said he will donate, as soon as possible, $1500 of his money toward buying equipment – which will at least get us 4 mikes a PA, and Mic stands, plus $480 more. This is the Godsend we’ve been waiting for – Oh! How I hope it’s true. (I think it is!) I don’t know what is going to happen to my $500 in Florida: It simply must stay there. I wish I could have an extra $1000 which could buy us the rest of our, equipment. This is wonderful. Please, God, or Jeff, let Tom do it. We’ll skyrocket from here.

May 28th, 1976
(F)(L)
Friday (0/278.5/3) Today was one of those days that just can’t be beat no matter how rich you are, because everything goes right. I went to pick up my paycheck at work and I asked for a $100 bill. I went to Gammy’s and gave it to her, but before I could do anything she pushed it back to me and told me she had never intended to take it! – Next point – I went to the place where I rented a tux because I lost the bow tie, but the guy said it was O.K. because I presented to him a doubt that I might have left it in my shoes! I surprised Denise immensely by taking her to the Fisherman’s Grotto. No.9 for dinner. I had grilled salmon – Paid the bill with a $100 bill! It was great. I bought a little bouquet of flowers for her. Then we went down to her place. 3 loves. 4 variations.

May 29th, 1976
(E)(F)
Saturday (3/281.5/3) I woke with Denise and went with her to the S.M. Health Spa and I beat her the first 2 games, 21-19, 21-8 and she got lucky (and I kinda let her) beat me 21-17. I went to Tom’s and bought him and me a six-pack of Heineken. Taylor came over. Tom and I played with John – it sounded great – John is really good. We played about 6 songs with him. I decided I might “borrow” the money from myself and purchase some equipment as an investment. Hock, it seems, has chickened out of giving us all of his money, maybe rightfully so, but I wish he hadn’t said it in the first place. Tom’s microphone sounded very good. Today the idea to sell stock in the H.R’s hit me. I want to investigate it.

May 30th, 1976
(L)(F)
Sunday (0/281.5/3) Denise came up in the morning and we went to Marin and she was mad at me almost the whole way over to the Flea Market (I found out later it was because I hadn’t kissed her back when she kissed me, at least that’s what she attributed it to.) But it all ended when I pulled over and kissed her – and well enough too because I got her a 14k white gold setting with a pearl in it for $18 – good buy if I have to say so myself. Well, we went back to her place and made love with 2 variations. I went home – we had a big bash for Donna. Denise came by at about 9:30 and at 11:00 I followed her down to her place where I read “A Separate Reality” and then, went to sleep. Before I “woke up” in the morning we made simple love once. Denise has been very kindly to me. I had to ask her Dad permission to sleepover.

May 31st, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Monday (0/281.5/3) I am just about to go to bed. I made love once (1 variation) to Denise this evening. During the day I went to the beach and I saw about 4 nude chicks it was such a hot day I had to walk about 5 miles because Hock left without me. I finished “A Separate Reality.” I smoked a joint of gold – 2 beers – had spaghetti for dinner – I’ve been racking my brains trying to devise a reasonable investment formula to see if people would possibly want to invest in our group. I hope it isn’t just one of my “schemes” that falls through. We need equipment. I want to do everything totally legally. I’ll be waking to play Rob in racquetball in the morning. It was bitchin’ looking over and seeing tits and cunts at the beach. We were supposed to practice but Tom called it off. What has gotten into him? Denise is being nice to me!

June 1st, 1976
(E)(A)
Tuesday (4/285.5/3) I have just played such a devious trick on Fred to make him take the group more seriously and show up to practice all the time. Tom and I were sitting in his room at about 3 a.m. and something hit the window. Fred was standing on the ground below. Rick Heen was in his car. I remembered that Don Juan said to never approach a person directly. So when I was alone with Fred I told him this “Tom is worried about you. He is considering who we can get to replace you. He wants you but you never show up.” Fred showed no response until I was stepping out of his car and he related to me his concern. “I haven’t been putting out enough. I have not been taking advantage of the most bitchin’ thing that has ever happened to me.” I said, “That’s the way Tom feels.” I was voicing through Tom.

June 2nd, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Wednesday (3/288.5/3) Tonight Fred showed up – and yet I was still rather disappointed. If it’s not one thing it’s another. When I just “didn’t feel like playing” we didn’t and when I finally did it was too late to make any noise. Oh well! We are supposedly going to play at Ghirardelli Square on Sunday and going to try to audition on Tuesday night. You know, we are in a situation similar to the one I was in last year about this time – I needed a miracle. I said I was going to go to Europe but I had no money to go – then – bam! Gammy says she has $1000 for me. Well, here are the Hopeless Romantics, unheard of, unequipped – playing original music – then bam! – What? What is going to take last year’s miracle’s place? Money, somehow someway. But, as far as I’m concerned, money is the key to nearly everything. Made love once – great, great, great.

June 3rd, 1976
(L)(P)
Thursday (0/288.5/3) Today was a great day. I saw Clymer, who called me, for the first time in nearly five months. I made love to Denise once. Clymer and I laughed our heads off- we had a great time, through we didn’t do much but we’re great friends. Paul Santana at work (who reminds me so much of Jack Harpster) revealed his secret of how he managed to pick up a girl – in short form – at a party or dance – talk or dance with her. Can I give you a call?? If yes – get number and phone “during the week.” I’ll take you out to dinner and show or show and dancing but afterwards I want a little sex. Give her your number and time, if necessary – “I won’t phone you back, but if you want you can phone me.” I can tell this summer is going to be great – better than last summer if you can believe that. It is going to be remarkable – memorable!

June 4th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (6/294.5/MP 1/8 / SP 0/1) Tonight we got a terrible crowd re-action. I met Mary Wagner but she wasn’t as good looking as I suspected she’d be. She was pretty but the mind was not behind the eyes – no joy – lusterless. Everybody left the room when we played. One boy commented, “Those guys are the shits.” Earlier, today we had some of the best practice we’ve ever had. Fred arranged a set – 14 songs I think – it’s great. We played it 3 times today including once at the party. It may just be the same set we’ll play at the Oakland Coliseum!! I love it! Arranged very nicely. I also had this great tune running through my head, “Just as pot was once my enemy.” I love it. Yes, the party was a downer but so what?! Fred threw his first temper-tantrum tonight entitled, “I don’t want to be part of the group.” I think everything is marvelous. Love once.

June 5th, 1976
(L)(F)
Saturday (0/294.5/8/1) Denise and I played racquetball – went to her place for lasagna lunch. Made love 2 times with 4 variations – I was so tired. Denise just said it was some of the best love we ever made. You should see my car – the brakes are screeching and rumbling. At 7 I went to Jeff’s and we played cards. I won $27.00 – a feeling of control. I ended up with every single outstanding IOU written that night and all the chips. Can you imagine if we were playing for stakes 1000 times as high or ten times that?? I won every time I “went for it” except the one time I bluffed. I felt every good card player should bluff one time a night. I lost, but after that I won most of my money, because everyone was challenging me. Mary, Tom, Rick and Jeff were there. I went to sleep at Tom’s house since I’ve got to be there at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

June 6th, 1976
(E)
Sunday (.5/295/MP 9/ 1 & 10 SP) The best night of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Background – wake at Tom’s – Fred – Clymer to S.F. Ghirardelli – gazebo we played. 2 - 70 year old ladies turned around – “You guys are great – you blend so well – you should appear on the Dinah Shore Show – she does nice things like that.” Gave us $1. A guy started playing flute – Mike and Chris invited us to a funny party. 7pm – We go and they say we can play 3 minutes so we leave without playing. We walk around – Marty and Jeff to Sea Witch later we arrive. Mary sets up a performance. They have stage. We can do 3 songs!!! Lights! Sweet Suzanne, Be Yourself, Buried Treasure. We down a beer! – on the house – on stage → I talk a lot. Introduce us – I’m on left – Fred middle. First song – applause – ladies off stage – “You’re so good.” Be Yourself. – “Hey that’s pretty!” – I say, “Your so generous to clap!” Buried Treasure – They ah at my solo on guitar – Fred great lead – we wow ‘em. It’s over. The manager twice – “keep it up – come back.” “Free beers for each of the H.R.’s.” – he 2 lady singers – “Keep it up.”

June 7th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Monday (0/295/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) Today was comparable to yesterday – maybe better. So many great things to fit in. The best: my excitement about the group. I am going to the wine cellar tomorrow night. 2nd. Irene Vidal at work offered a ride to me car “so I could tell her about The Sea Witch.” – She parked and we talked for about 45 minutes culminating in me asking her to have hot chocolate with me Thursday after work. “Great” – said she! “(I said) We can drop you off back here when we’re done.” She said, “Why don’t we drop off my car at my house and take yours?” “Fine” I said. She obviously likes me. – nice cans too. 3rd – Clymer and I fixed my brakes today for only $15. Would’ve cost $80 – and I learned a lot. 4th – Denise and I are so in love – perfect understanding. Love twice, 2 variations. She came. We both know the H.R.’s’ll be famous. 5th – Last night a total stranger – man – “You guys sounded really good. – especially the last song!” – As we left – Farwell H.R.’s.

June 8th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (0/295/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) Last night Denise said, “I love you as many times as a circle goes ‘round.” And 5 minutes late she said, “I’m so bitchin’ I don’t have to talk!” She’s getting the hang of it! Life! Ah! Tonight I went to the K101 audition by myself and talked to an ex-disc jockey called Terry Smith who is directing all promotion for K101. I told him how great we were, and although him and I hit off in general, he was sort of preoccupied and he gave me mostly sidesteps. One guy at the audition was great! Piano and singer. The next group was so bad I couldn’t help but laugh and smile their vocals were horrendous. The last group was better but… I burnt Jerry Smith’s [word] though by the time I left. I know we could pass the audition and be broadcasted. Oh! Well! Maybe they’ll hold auditions next Tuesday. 4 games of racquetball and full weights today with Clymer. Won three. Love once. Tomorrow Mom with Denise.

June 9th, 1976
(E)
Wednesday (4/299/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) I’m writing this Thursday night. Among the highlights of Wednesday were Jo Lupino at work saying he’ll send Giovanna this message (via his wife who is going to Italy): (Itu se celeste, Giovanna. Mi scuvi, pec cairta.) “Write me, I ask of you – Jeff.” Pretty nice, huh? I saw Denise during her lunch break today. A guy named Henry at work promised to give me a trial in voice, so I’ve got his phone number. Practice was interesting. Tom is still star-struck over Debbie. Clymer came over. John was supposed to practice, but being as though it is his greed, tomorrow he partied. (of course!) Fred and I talked til 3:30 am. I slept over at Tom’s. Again the Sea Witch comment waitress – “It was so exciting. It was the exuberance that did it!” I shall listen to that carefully!

June 10th, 1976
(L)
Thursday (0/299/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) It is 12:40 a.m. June 11, just past midnight, and I feel like I have seldom felt before in my life – really sincerely – form inside, all around, I feel a glow of well-being. (Clymer beat me in 3 games of racquetball today. Irene sort of “stood me up” for coffee tonight, which is sort of a laugh – on one hand you know she wants to go out with you and be with you and on the other hand she’s taking the women’s prerogative of a week’s delay before admitting it to herself. Denise and I just made some of the finest love we’ve ever made. We did it twice. What makes certain nights so special I ask you? Perhaps it is her loving attitude! Tonight everything seemed so soft, her skin, her boobs, her lips, her vagina. Juice ran down her rear and thighs as we fucked. You know she’s turned on. I must’ve said, “I Love you” 1000 times.

June 11th, 1976
(F)(E)
Friday (.5/299.5/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) I got a lot done today – what a day in all! I got paid! Today was monumental because… all the money from the paycheck was mine and with it I bought (and I also used $31 from the H.R’s), with $40 of my own a Shure microphone and 2 microphone stands. The microphone, you could say it was mine; - I spent $39.95 for and the guy threw in an approximately $7 chord. So now the H.R.’s have 2 mics, 2 stands, 2 classical electric guitars (I am having Fred’s converted) and an amplifier. I took Denise to the Peppermill and we had a $5.75 Shrimp salad, which was enormous, and quite good and 2 coffees. With it we got fresh bread just out of an oven. It was marvelous! We went back to her apartment, made love and went to sleep. (I saw Louell at the Peppermill as a waitress. She’s the perfect one for me!!!!)

June 12th, 1976
(F)(E)(S)
Saturday (5.5/305/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) I went to work at 8 – until 10 this morning – didn’t do anything. Went and played racquetball with Denise. I won the first 2, 22-20, 21 – 1 and lost the last 21-18. I went to Tom’s and we practiced for a long time with the equipment. We sounded somewhat more professional with the amplification. I can’t wait for more. Let me see, we need Fred’s guitar fixed, another microphone, another microphone stand and another amplifier or two. How much? Well- add. $53, $40, $14 and maybe $50. That’s $157. I think we can do it!!! We wrote a great new song- “The Best Things In Life are Free.” I smoked some Thai. I had 3 hits. We drank some beer. I slept over Hock’s house. We watched “Fail-Safe” and I fell asleep on Hock’s couch during a Basil Rathbone – “Sherlock Holmes goes to Washington” ← ridiculous!

June 13th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (0/305/MP 9/SP 1 & 10) [I love life so much every Moment is a near ecstasy – here I am now drinking coffee in my nice warm house – my parents watching TV and my girlfriend on my left.] ← How groovy! I went to the beach today with Marty. Jeff and Tom. Oh yes! For breakfast I had a cheeseburger, a 4-egg ham and cheese omelet, and a bowl of Alphabets – at Jeff’s house. Marty and I almost removed an old fossil but it was too well embedded. My Dad and Helen almost caught Denise and I making love – 2 variations. But they still knew we were in there. Afterwards, we went down to her place and made love again. 1 variation. I’m thinking that perhaps because Tom lost his job, we might be able to practice every day from, 11 to 2 or something like that! Boy would we be great!

June 14th, 1976
(E)(F)
1020 Monday (2/307/ - ) Tom and I practiced in the afternoon for a few hours today. It was great! We went over the songs in the second book. It was after we dropped Clymer off in Millbrae – we smoked some Thai and Jesus – I only took 2 hits and was pretty high. The big events of the day were not what happened to me but what happened to Denise. For one thing her parents are getting divorced and the second thing is that her cat, Puff is dying. Which of the two do you think she is more upset about? – the latter of course! Work was a bit tedious. I decided I am going to put in my 2 weeks notice at work on Thursday. July 1st, 1976. O.K.? O.K.! Tom gave me $100 to put towards the H.R.’s so tomorrow night we may have passed the first stage! Love once.

June 15th, 1976
(E)(S)(F)
Tuesday (3.7/310.7) In one month is my birthday, I just noted. I feel tired. It’s been a long day – in ways quite rewarding and for that I’m happy, and oh so happy to be alive, but today I felt everything to acutely. I wonder when the blissful Jeff Shea will come out, - tireless, friendly, confidence, supreme. I guess I’m slowly working there. But right now I’m tired.
Tonight we recorded at Mary’s house. I begin to feel the tensions – between me and everybody – but that is not the way I planned it to be – yet I still enjoy the excitement. I think I’m more tired than I realize. Got a letter from Bernadette. I can’t wait to feel her pussy. Bought Fred a microphone and guitar adapted with the money Hock gave me. Cheered Denise up. Cleaned her apartment. Visited Gram. I wish I could quit my job – so badly!!!!! I just wish I had the guts. Oh- and I’m up tomorrow to practice again. I guess we’re making our final push. I’m tired, but I’ve been waiting for this and I’ll hold on tight while the rocket takes off.

June 16th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (3/313.7) Examining the saga of the H.R.’s today, I came to the conclusion that it is time for the move – more specifically the time must come now for a promoter of some type to hear us, like us and give us some sort of financially support. I’m thinking, I came across Jim Lippy as a possible candidate – so I phoned Beth Hayward – we’ll see what happens. Something must break. Today we practiced down at Fred’s for 3 hours. We plugged all 3 mic’s, into my Univox and played acoustically. The result – very exciting. I asked Irene at work why she had crapped out and it appears to have been a total lack of communication, so I gave her a ride home and we set up another similar date for tomorrow night – for sure, for sure. Went to Denise’s made love once – Just wow! One of our greatest. I think she came thrice!

June 17th, 1976
(L)
Thursday (0/313.7) Today was rather bitchin’. I woke up and went to work. Work was fun. Vickie and I had a marvelous time today – we had a pen fight and a general blast. After work Irene and I went to Ghirardelli Square. I went to the Wine Cellar and talked to Skip and he said that a recommendation from Harry at the Sea Witch was the highest we could receive and we’re probably going to be playing at the Wine Cellar next Thursday night at about 10pm. Irene and I had hot chocolate. I was making mental moves towards her, feeling her out. We talked in front of her house for about 30 minutes. I can’t tell if she likes me but she must. I went to Denise’s and made love and fell asleep.

June 18th, 1976
(E)
Friday (4/317.7) Jeff and I played racquetball today. I won two and he won one, against Jeff I am 7-6. This morning I woke at Denise’s, not meaning to sleep over her place, and snuck home at 6:30 a.m. The H.R.’s practiced but it had to be one of the worst practices we ever had. I ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack at Jeff C’s house today. We went over to Rob Hall’s at 9 and got somewhat stoned and drunk. We were laughing too hard to practice and getting on one another’s nerves. I slept over Fred’s. Fred broke up with Penny. I didn’t see Denise today. I told the group about The Wine Cellar – Clymer and I went in 50/50 on a racquet to play racquetball. Hock got very pissed at me tonight. I think he’ll cool down by tomorrow.

June 19th, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (5.3/323) Today was the best practice we ever had – we are starting to jell. I asked the guys and they said O.K. to the following set.
1) When I tell You I Love You
2) Buried Treasure
3) Like Birds On High
4) The Best Things in Life Are Free
5) In Such a Time
6) Old Man Prophecy.

I love that set. So I guess we’re playing Thursday night at the Wine Cellar! I took Denise to Fenton’s tonight instead of going to Peggy Wyman’s birthday party. We made love 3 times before I woke up Sunday. 2 variations. We visited Donna afterwards. She gave me some soup and some coffee and Cointreau. I think I would like to buy a bottle of Grand Mariner and stuff it away in my room somewhere. Tomorrow is father’s day. I wish Hock would write some lyrics.

June 20th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (5/328) In the last 8 days we’ve practiced 28 hours. Whew! That’s quite a lot. I was just reading excepts from my days with Giovanna – how romantic!! I love her so much. The H.R. practice was kind of shitty today. I don’t know why. I just wrote a song called “Love’s Sweet Song” – it’s a hit. I can’t wait until I’m famous. You know, sometimes the H.R.’s sound so good I know we’ll make it! Other times I have my doubts. I got high today on Thai, Beer and J.D. and I feel great. It was father’s day. I gave my Dad some Jack Daniel’s. Had a long talk with Donna about things – love, guys, girls – she must think I am the Don Juan. She’s looking for some guys now. She’s getting itchy. You wait and see – she’ll be going with some rich guy in 2 ½ years time. The H.R.’s have got to make it big or where’s my future. I love life. The H.R.’s are more exciting than Europe!

June 21st, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Monday (3/331) Something has to break. Maybe it won’t happen right this second, but I think it will come soon. We got my brother’s Peavey amp today so we are fully amplified. I’m not worried about Taylor because I told him he didn’t have to join until we bought him a bass. I think that is fair. We sound O.K. Next step is to introduce John Hockridge into the picture and to try to get a job playing someplace. Denise and I fucked each other twice tonight but it was so shitty it shouldn’t even be recorded! Irene at work walked up to me and said, “That was fun last Thursday. Let’s go out again, O.K.?” I said, “Sure, sounds great.” I want to be able to fully devote my time to performing and making love. Fred is supposedly getting a job at Pisano Bakery, which is a drag

June 22nd, 1976
(E)(S)
Tuesday (4/335) I went to bed tonight exhausted both physically and mentally. I am happy, but tired. I am doing what I want, forming a musical group and thus I’m happy, but today I did so much running around I can’t help but be tired. Me Tom and Fred went to San Francisco tonight to look for auditions but found none. We practiced during the day with John and were fully equipped – boy it was loud. We were talking tonight about where we are going and how we’d like to see things develop. We surely aren’t headed for nightclubs – we are the kind of group that will either make it or break it and I don’t think we’ll break it so I guess we’ll make it! We should start writing songs again – we’ve been pretty slow on that.

June 23rd, 1976
(L)(E)
Wednesday (0/335) I’m sitting her on Thursday Morning and I’m longing for a bass in our music. (Yesterday Denise and I made good love with 2 variations – it was very nice and very sexy and she felt skinny. After work Steve, Ray and I got 2 cans of beer each and one joint and got high. When Ray left, Steve and I smoked another number. It was nice! During the early part of the day Fred, Gary C, Jeff C., Tom and me swam and had a general great time horsing around. I saw Gary for the first time since Santa Barbara and we hit it off magnificently. We smoked a joint together – but should not have because it was Fred’s – never again! Gary and I talked about the trip!) I’m hearing “Fast Life” with a bass line similar to the Lead in Taxman by the Beatles – Which keeps running by my mind. It sounds so good – and in descending scale where “It’s gonna fall by the wayside…” Tomorrow work.

June 24th, 1976
(E)(F)
Thursday (0/335/MP 9/SP 1 & 40) (I am writing this on 6/26 after a wonderful last two days.) I worked eight hours today and asked Irene when she wants to go out again. She said next week or the week after. The boys and Clym came by and we passed the audition at the Wine Cellar with an audience of Clymer, Cappa, Chris and her husband, JJ Kernum, Pascesnik, Mark Mahoney, Denise, Rochelle, Taylor, Bill Weeks, Brian Buckley, and a few more. She said “You have a young, possibly hit sound but you have to play standards before I can give you a job.” We played; Sunny Day Suzanne, Be Yourself, Slow Down, How I miss My Friends, Like Birds On High, and Buried Treasure. Fred played the shits, Tom did O.K. – to pretty good and I did the same. The reception was nice but it could have been warmer. We went out later and got loaded in Aquatic Park.

June 25th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Friday (0/335) Fred, Tom, Cappa and I got stoned in Hock’s room and at 4 a.m. Hock and I got breakfast. I didn’t go to sleep. Went with Taylor to Coyote Po. (Fred says Peyote point) and swam 2 miles. Got my check cashed. Bought Denise a bikini. Got a $50 bill put away. Taylor and I got the 2 Ampex amps going. Went home for dinner and then I went out with Denise to Fred’s birthday party at which I had a great time. (Brad Fiske was at the Wine Cellar too.) Penny came over and said she was giving Fred $1000 to the H.R.’s when she receives $100,000 in September. Wow!!!!! At any rate, Denise and I had a great time. Made great love twice at her place with 2 variations and I got to sleep finally after 2 days.

June 26th, 1976
(L)
Saturday (0/335) Well, today was great. I woke up at Denise’s, made nice love, drove home – then to Cappa’s and went swimming with my brothers. I had a chicken dinner with Clymer at his house. Taylor came up. We all went to a party at Red Norcrosse’s house. A chick named Harriett Janelle Haselu came in – blonde, 17, beautiful – I fell in love immediately but she did not respond and left. I had tried to put the moves on her, which I haven’t done for any girl in so long. At least I got a few swigs of whiskey and some hash from talking to her – I thought I had her – she was the girl – how could I miss? The one I was supposed to meet on February 19th of 1976. How could I miss? She was sexy!

June 27th, 1976
(A)(L)
Sunday (0/335) I slept last night in Clymer’s backyard on a roll away bed and this morning he came and woke me up. We went with Cappa to Jenner 200 miles north of San Francisco and caught 4 abalones (Clymer 3, Gary 1, Me, 0). It was the first time I ever went diving in the ocean. I had a full wet suit. Lately I have been wearing a neat shirt from Barbados – it’s red and it’s Clymer’s. I have to return it July 27 one month from today. We drove to Clymer’s and cleaned the abalone. I brought one home to my fathers. I went to Denise’s for a steak and potato dinner. Before – 2 variations – after I chowed on her for about 20 minutes – She went into a frenzy of sexual excitement. I could hardly keep my mouth on her. Then I fucked her.

June 28th, 1976
(F)(E)
Monday (2.5/337.5) Tonight we practiced a little at Clym’s and some at Sebastian Park. Trouble is brewing. For one thing, Hock’s parents are getting negative on him – they think he’s a bum, Fred has no money for rent. Etc. Etc. – A brainstorm tonight. Are you ready? I’ve been thinking about a Hopeless Romantics Tour. Starting, I don’t know the date. September 28th came to mind. It’d be a good time. It’d finalize school and leave me free. Clymer and Cappa would be going back to school. Bernadette would be long gone. We could take my station wagon. Perhaps Taylor would be psyched to go. We could go north to Oregon, Washington, Vancouver – to Thunder Bay to Toronto to Miami. I’ve got $500 in Florida and according to rumor he H.R.’s are receiving $1000 in September!

June 29th, 1976
(L)
Tuesday (3/340.5) After work Irene asked me if I wanted a ride to my car. When she dropped me off I asked if she was busy and she came to my car for a chat. When I had summoned up the courage I told her I wanted to kiss her. She didn’t kiss me so I finally asked her to leave. She followed me on 19th Ave. and pulled me over to tell me she was sorry, but she still didn’t kiss me. I told Denise I was late because I had witnessed an accident. She gave me a blowjob and then we made excellent love. Rochelle, her friend, spent the night in the living room. During the day I saw Tom and Mike T, Tom and I discussed the possibility of kicking Fred out of our ranks due to –
1) Interference with singing and guitar work
2) Inconsistent performance
3) Inconsistent attendance. Mike and I discussed our plans.

June 30th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Wednesday (0/340.5) Spent the day at home and went to work. They changed everybody’s hours. I was happy. Got in a spat with Angie – she really doesn’t like me. Irene said, or confirmed, that we should go out next week after I come back. I wrote “I love you.” On Theresa’s time card – she took it seriously – I like to kid around a lot. Denise came by the spa. I lent her $5 cause she had no money and bought her dinner at McDonald’s. We made love and she gave me a nice BJ. I went to Clymer’s and slept. (Note on July 1st: I have the feeling that nobody has had the heart to tell me Tom and Fred what they think of us – I in viewing the Frisco kids, have realized the difference between fooling around being professional. What should I do?!)

July 1st, 1976
(A)(E)(F)
Thursday (0/340.5) What can I say about a day as full as today? Good and bad and rather wonderful. Oh Jesus! We picked (Tom and Jeff and I) up Cook and Pat O’Shaughnessy and drove to Tahoe. In the early day I lost $6 at Blackjack - at night I won $7.50 on my 6th nickel in a slot machine. I had a lady collect for me. Saw lots of girls but picked up on none. Got in trouble for Clymer’s mouth at Meek’s Bay. Hock was bodily pushed out of a bar for improper I.D. (it was a California driver’s license!) I saw a group called the Frisco kids and now I know why we the H.R.’s haven’t made it – because, we are, the shits! We don’t have it. I’m still contemplating if we should try to get it. I might start playing bass. The group was too good! 4 guys – what a sound! All their own songs! Dance music! Why can’t we be that good? Slept at Kent!

July 2nd, 1976
(A)(L)(F)
Friday (0/340.5) This trip is going to go down in the annals as one of the best all-time trips there has been. Today I “broke the ice” with seven girls – I was unbelievable – nothing panned out, but at least it was a start! I won $6 tonight plus $3, which I spent towards a steak dinner. I was even and I wanted a steak dinner so I walked in – put $2 down – on my 1st hand got a 21 for $3 and got a dinner. I then had $14 and walked into Harvey’s – wanted to have $3-5 – and an extra buck – said – I want to play slots for ½ and end up $1 ahead. So I had $2. I said – I want to have a $20 made by betting with $2 from slots. So I went to Harrah’s – bet $2 twice and got my $20 bill – drop the other $1.05 change at the Nugget – Tomorrow → !!!!

July 3rd, 1976
(E)(A)
Saturday (.5/341) O.K. It’s only afternoon but I’ve got to write this down now. I’ve just made some monumental decisions.
1) I am going to buy an electric guitar and learn how to use a pick. I am a lead guitarist and a rhythm guitarist wrapped into one.
2) If Fred wants to stay in the group he’s got to play bass. We are going to be a rock group and fuck anyone, including Tom, Fred or friends that do not agree!
3) I’m going back to my original idea of a 4-person rock group, me, Tom, Fred and Paddy** -

It’s about 6pm now. Clymer and I took a 2-hour raft trip down the Truckee River for $6 altogether. It was the highlight of the trip. A shuttle brought us back to Tahoe! Steve Cook had arrived in the morning. In the evening we all had some wine and a couple of joints (from Steve) and I played a couple of songs that, naturally, everybody loved and (3 songs, to be exact) I talked with a girl named Terry. At about 1:30 a.m. we started to drive back – Note: Stinky Tom Smellridge.

July 4th, 1976
(A)(!!)
200 Sunday (.5/341.5) It’s a good thing I’m not writing this on July 4th (and it’s now nearly July 6th in the morning 1 am.), because it would probably be a negative report. I got up at 2 and at about 5pm I was ready to roll so I went over to Denise’s and she cooked hamburgers and mashed potatoes. We went to Clymer’s – for the shock of my life! Jeff and Marty played the dirtiest trick ever pulled on me – they pretended that Jeff shot and killed Clymer with a .45 with a live fire – in a fight – I believed it and, raced out of Clymer’s house and I had my guitar in my hand and I slipped and my guitar – my only guitar – my wonderful guitar was mutilated. I had thought Clymer had murdered Friedman and ran for my life. Clymer came to Romeo’s to get me. It was only a practical joke – the cost was my guitar.

July 5th, 1976
(L)
Monday (0/341.5) I drove to Denise’s at one. It might mention that yesterday Denise and I had made love twice and 2 variations and today we made love once with two variations. It was wonderful – the best sex we’ve had in a long time. Here’s a tip, something try – When you’re making love try holding your belly as flat to hers as you can and your lowest point before your genitals to hers! Feels good for both parties involved. Denise cooked me macaroni and I had my 4th piece of her cheesecake and strawberries today. Irene cheered me up at work tonight. I sure like her – she’s so nice. I went to Taylor’s after work and we talked about the incident yesterday and about girls. He bought me an ice cream – On my invitation Mike and I are going drinking together tomorrow and possibly girl hunting. I stopped by Clymer’s after and talked to Scott!

July 6th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (0/341.5) Let’s look at my present situation – the H.R.’s haven’t practiced for 8-9 days, but I say that’s alright because we don’t seem to know what to do anyway. It’s just like after a last concert – a big lull – and I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about making a go on my own. I decided in Tahoe we should go electric with Fred on bass, but I know that won’t go over big – that is really up to me. Second of all, my guitar is mutilated and Clymer hasn’t tried to contact me, so I’m rather upset and that whole thing is in the air. I’ve also been waiting for a letter from Bernadette - my Mom said it was O.K. for us to come up – I don’t think I should feel apprehensive about her arrival, but I do – I know she’ll come (and make love to me) deep down inside; but, I’m worried. Irene and I made a date to do something Saturday afternoon together. Taylor and I split ½ pint of rum today and some Vodka – we’re going to go all out for girls. I know Irene’s just a friend or at least that’s how I’ll play it. Love once – very exquisite. Denise made me dinner. I love her!

July 7th, 1976
(E)
Wednesday (1/342.5) Today was one of the days where you just sit back and reap a crop that has been building for a long time. For one thing, I woke with a call from Clymer saying he was sorry and that between his mother’s insurance, Marty and Jeff my guitar will be paid for. Next Tom called and asked me if I wanted to practice. I obviously said, yes. Most importantly, I received a letter from Bernadette saying she will follow where I lead, she loves my butt and comes to America to see me and so many great little goodies. I got the inspiration just before I fell asleep to let Tom do all the singing. I think I’ve finally hit upon the right combination. I am going to ask him tomorrow what he thinks. I have a feeling he’ll love it. The H.R.’s will make a pro-recording by the end of 300 hours.

July 8th, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (4/346.5) I want to begin this entry with the last big event of the day – sex. I had the finest sex today that I have had ever in my life. I fucked Denise tonight (with one variation) two separate times. The first time everything just seemed super pleasurable, her ass, face, lips, breasts, butt and vagina and hair sent me into an ecstasy. The orgasm grew to a high climatic stage whereupon I relaxed and she finished me off. Later she enticed me again and she was wetter than the first time. The second time tonight was the most fun I ever had sexually. It was just pure fun the thought of lying on top of a girl, rolling around feeling good was fun. (Most lustful intercourse – Giovanna – London.) Tonight was just pure enjoyment. No limitations – the way sex should be. Bought 4 bottles of Cold Duck today. Tom and I practiced. We’re making big changes. Tom-solo vocalist. Jeff – solo guitar – [if] Fred – solo bass. Practice went superb. I must arrange music and practices.

July 9th, 1976
(F)(L)
Friday (0/346.5) I got quite a bit done today! I read the booklet on the Beatles. Then I oiled my car and got most of the squeaks out of it. I wrote a letter to Bernadette and one to Mom too. Let me see, I went to the Spa and got Irene’s Ph# - 564-0955 and picked up my check and got it cashed. I went to Deak & Co in San Francisco and I bought 80,000 lira at 13.0 and now that I check the paper it was supposed to be 12.0 so I am going to go back down there and complain. I now have 100,000. I went down to Denise’s and we made love twice (once was next morning – not recorded) with 2 variations. We had a good time. Went to S.M. to play Tennis but the lights wouldn’t go on so that fell through. What’s happening to the H.R.’s. 100

July 10th, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (0/346.5) I went to the Palace of Legion of Honor today with Irene and at first she was turning me on and I thought something could possibly eventually develop – but as the day progressed I realized it wasn’t probably – at any rate. I have a lot of fun with her. At about 7 a.m. I arrived at Denise’s and she feed me steak and a baked potato and it was pretty great. After dinner I played my guitar and arranged some songs and she got tried of not kissing me, so, we smoked 3 joints that were given to us by Rhonda next door, and drank a bottle of Cold Duck. I was totally spaced when we went into her room and made love. I just passed out afterwards and don’t remember anything until morning.

July 11th, 1976
(E)(S)(F)
Sunday (2.5/349) ACHIEVED – Today a big step has been completed and achieved. I firmly believe that the H.R.’s are on their way to success.
Diary, I don’t know if you have noticed but I have been deliberating ever since that night at the Wine Cellar. I have gone through stages of thinking “just Tom and I” or even “I think I’ll go solo.” It wasn’t until I did my V/C problem solving that I realized what to do. So tonight at practice we spent 2 ½ hours going over “The Fast Life” and I must say we dissected it. It was necessary so that each man had leaned his part and understood the song. And what an improvement in the song!! Tomorrow we’re practicing. I smoked a joint today. Cleaned Denise’s apartment. I only have $4.59 til Thursday. Had a great roast beef dinner. Positively, probably doesn’t care! (Use the V/C please)!

July 12th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Monday (2.5/351.5) What a day! Tom, Fred, and I had another superb practice in which we covered “When I Tell You I Love You” and again did “The Fast Life” – what improvement! It was great! And it gives me hope that we can make leaps and bounds in progress. I feel so great about it all! At work Theresa practically insisted that we go out some night after work and get loaded so I said Wednesday and invited Steve along (for his dope.) Then that Hungarian Kathy practically asked me for a ride, only it would’ve taken too long for her to wait (over and hour) so she got a ride with someone else. I go down to Denise’s and she has dinner and beer and Guy Wishlong brings us a great joint – then we (Denise and I) made love with 2 variations. To top it all off when I got home there was a note and a letter. I couldn’t wait until the 10th to open the letter so I looked and there’s a check for $100 and in the note (letter was from Mom) Dad said he’d take me and Denise out to dinner Thursday night.

July 13th, 1976
(L)(F)
Tuesday (0/351.5) What happened to Tuesday? I guess put down one love making for me and what else I don’t remember nor do I feel like remembering so I’ll just surmise my situation in life. I’ve got to get Irene to bring the class schedules for S.F. State. I’d like to leave with Fred and Tom and travel to Miami rather than go to school and I guess that would be feasible. I am seemingly getting some money accumulated finally. If Ronny gives Fred $1000. Well then Fred can use it for himself – we might make ourselves heroes if we do such an exploit and we’ll be sure to have to be tender with everyone’s feelings – “We’re coming back – don’t worry.” – and soon (and stars!)

July 14th, 1976
(E)(A)
Wednesday (3.5/355) If today was any indication of what adult life will be like, I can’t wait for more. I went to Fred’s early in the morning and we practiced on Buried Treasure – it’ll be a beautiful composition when finished. Jerry’s going to see what he can do to give me my 3 week leave of absence in August. He overheard Sue and I. I went out with bitchin’ Steve and adorable and loveable Theresa from work tonight. 4 joints and 1 bottle of Cold Duck. Later I was telling them how much I loved their company – which I do! I am totally infatuated with Theresa. She is so bitchin!!!!!! Then at 1:30pm. Taylor and I went to the reservoir – swam across and found the tree underneath which we buried our treasure 3 ½ years ago – dug it up – pure luck found it – swam back. Bitchin’. 430.

July 15th, 1976
(A)
Thursday – Jeff Shea’s 21 Bom Bom Bom Ba Da
DA DA DA DA!!!!!

What a day! $100 from my Mom. Dad gives me $5 for gas. Get up to my house, Marc is coming out with us. We get to the distillery and 45 minutes later Donna shows up along about ¼ to 9. I phone the guys to tell them I’ll be late and midway in conversation with Mrs. Clymer, Hock, and Fred pin me against the wall with Bromo patrol. Drinks for everyone. Steak and prawn dinner was too good! So good. Frozen gimlet Banana daiquiri, Tangueray and tonic, Grasshopper and a Salty Dog. $25 from Dad and Helen and sweets from Donna. – pipe from Clymer to smoke hootch in. 5th of Vat of Gold and beer from Fred and Tom. It’s all too much!

July 16th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (4/359) Friday was A-O.K. too. I awoke at Tom’s at 1240 and we went to Fred’s where we practiced on Buried Treasure for a few hours. Before we left we smoked a joint from weed that Penny had brought over which didn’t seem like much at first but really crept up on you. I drove to Denise’s. When I arrived, she was playing cards with her next door neighbor. We went into her room after they finished and made love. She gave me a Shick Styling Dryer for my birthday – we drove up to see “The Omen (666).” It was, in my opinion, a great film, because it was so well done. Each scene represented so much work, by a large number of people. After work I bought myself a pint of Gran Mariner. Denise and I spent the night together and of course made love for a second time.

July 17th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (0/359) I am writing this at 7 pm on Saturday evening and something unbelievable has happened. I have nothing pressing to do. It, to me, is almost unbelievable. I phoned up all of my friends with no results. The TV won’t work and there’s not mud to cook. I don’t even have Tales of Power to read. So, what am I to do. I’ll leave a blank at the bottom of this page to describe what I did after 7pm. Today I went to the beach with Denise, Tom and his new short-term girl Laurie, who is almost everything I want in a girl. The lucky devil. Blonde, gorgeous eyes, good laugh. Phew! (I made love once to Denise today) I want Laurie!
2 good things did happen – One I made an excellent song out of “Ladies of the Night” Music from “Farm Boy” words are too, my Mom called from Oregon. Something good, no great, is going to happen Wednesday.

July 18th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
[Text written in a diagonal style across page. -Editor] Sunday (2/361) Pretty arty of me writing in all of these different directions, huh? I worked 6 hours at the Spa today. I cooked dinner for me – we made love. Practiced with the guys. Hock retaliated against my wanting to practice our showmanship. My fuel filter is leaking in my car and I want to know what to do. I am still waiting to receive money from Jeff and Marty for my guitar and possibly something from my grandma for my birthday. I got fairly high tonight and got in an argument with Tom and Laurie. Tom was acting so different.

July 19th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
[Text written vertically across page. -Editor] Monday (3/364) I wish I was great. I wish I was well-known, well-loved, rich. I wish I had girls at my feet night and day. I, sitting now in my quiet room at 12:52 a.m. July 20th, 1976 wondering how my life could be better! – more exciting and how my time could be more gainfully employed. I am sipping Gran Mariner – in my pajamas – feet up on my bed – wind rustling outside. The people at the Spa gave me a shirt and cupcakes for my birthday. Fred and I developed some phenomenal leads for “When I Tell You I Love You.” Denise and I made love – 2 variations.

July 20th, 1976
(S)
Tuesday (0/364) I don’t know if I can take any more of this. I realize it is all my mental attitude, that is, what I am feeling right now. It doesn’t feel bad – in fact it feels good in the same way that being hungry feels good- because you know that you are going to satisfy that hunger. Feel hungry for women now and if I could push my ego out of the way long enough I would write that I have been “going all out” and getting “shot down”. The world, I know, is warm, but I’ve been getting the cold shoulder. I phoned Juanita up tonight and she was being very receptive til I asked to go over (it was ¼ to 2.) Taylor and I got our surveys printed up and got 3 chicks to fill them out. I saw the Omen again. People have been bothering me, but it’s funny. It is all in my attitude. Maybe I should kick back and relax – nobody likes someone who’s pushy.

July 21st, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Wednesday (3/367) Today something fantastic was supposed to happen and I would say that the most fantastic thing that happened is that I actually made Denise come twice tonight with a near 3rd. It was the best lovemaking I ever had. It was incredible. There’s no way to describe it. The H.R.’s sounded great today. I am excited immensely. Fred came up with a lead on “Fast Life”. We’re beginning to take off and sounding great and I personally am improving daily. I gave Irene a ride home and she said she’d meet up with a girl named Susan. She said when a girl just starts seeing a guy she thinks romantically and that when she 1st started seeing me she thought of me romantically. Today I work my boots and white sailor pants. My blue sweater and plaid shirt. I am re-pondering shaving off my mustache. –Clymer said he’s going to pay me $50 (For my guitar.)

July 22nd, 1976
(S)(L)(E)
Thursday (3.5/310.5) Today – well it seems my life is getting more exciting. I attribute it to my attitude. I am getting into being totally myself, and with great confidence approaching every facet of my life. I am trying never to falter. I drove Irene home from work. I am getting to like her too much – and I think likewise. Denise and I made love after splitting a joint and 2 bottles of Cold Duck with Wishbone and his girlfriend. The H.R.’s are now developing “The Fast Life In the City” and I kept getting angry cause those guys, especially Fred kept missing his part, but all in all, we got a lot done today and the song looks much different now – and, may, I say, much better too!

July 23rd, 1976
Friday (0/370.5) I spent the entire day changing the fuel pump in my car with Fred Nelson at Penny Parker’s (his girlfriend’s) house. It took us 4 ¼ just to remove the first screw. It was so damn hard to get to the screws. We spent 8 hours doing the job, but we did it right and my car runs great – we also check my back brakes and they are O.K. After we finished, I shaved off my mustache and took a shower. Fred split and I smoked a joint with Penny and her friends – 2 Karen’s and 2 Terry’s. One of the Karen’s and Terry attracted me and Karen was kind of being forward – giving me hints and things. I drove by Juanita’s house after they left but she wasn’t home.

July 24th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (0/370.5) What a day! I woke up and made love to Denise twice (1 variation) She fixed me a big breakfast. We bought her furniture to her Mom’s and dropped her off in S.M. to check out an apartment. Stopped by Hock’s. I felt raunchy and I didn’t feel like going out with Denise. But Tom and Jeff were going out so I decided to challenge myself and go out with Denise and have a great time. We got a pack of Hofbrau and sat at the harbor at Peyote Pt. and wrote a song. We chugged the beer and had a fantastic time getting loaded. Denise wrote some great lyrics. We went to Lyon’s and saw Debbie. Her boyfriend is quiet. We’re sitting in my kitchen right now – we had such a good time. Wrote a song called “Mazatlan!” We decided we are going to take a trip there soon! Denise and I made love again – The last few days, it’s been exquisite.

July 25th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (3.5/374) Exciting life:
1) Bernadette wrote me saying she’ll arrive on July 31st at ¼ to 9pm!!
2) Irene at work and I are supposed to set each other up. I am going to meet Susan.
3) The Hopeless Romantics are into it. We have 3 songs fully arranged; When I Tell You, Buried Treasure and Fast Times.
4) Tomorrow is Jeff Clymer’s birthday. He’ll be 21 years old.
5) I am extremely attracted to Denise’s friend Terry Trip and also her friend Karen
6) Nuria Galvan phoned but I wasn’t home – so did her friend and so did Steve. What did he want?
7) On Saturday I am picking up Bernadette and taking her to see ma!
8) Denise’s neighbors are getting some dope. I can buy a bag of $10 if I want.
9) Denise and I have been making such great love it is surprising – I’d say the last 3 days.

Tuesday – lunch with Gram – 1 o’clock. Thursday – playing at the Wine Cellar after work. Friday – double date Fred-Irene-me-Sue. Saturday – pick up Bernadette at night. Monday night – double date Mike T- Linda.

July 26th, 1976
(E)(L)
Monday (1/375) Because I am writing this directly after my entry for July 27 and since the entry was solely about Irene, I am going to devote this page to July 26-27. Today at practice I didn’t feel we were getting any place so I simply said I didn’t want to play anymore and when I did Hockridge got mad at my “whimsical nature” then he punched the street sign off of his house. Fred and I saw him later in the park and played a few songs – I can’t practice when he is so unhappy about everything. I got high over at Denise’s in celebration of Clymer’s birthday – 27th – It is officially cleared with my boss to have the 3 weeks off. I am wondering, thinking and planning that perhaps there is more in store with Irene than hugging and dreaming that she had chose the guy she wanted to pop her cherry. My love for her is so great. I’d give anything to hold her again. I must have her. I am surprised how cool I am acting.
July 27th, 1976
(L)
Tuesday (0/375) Tonight was one of the most romantic Moments since I fucked Giovanna in nostalgia. - Irene – simply unexpected. It was all a very quaint affair – I followed Casanova’s advice – watch and wait sooner or later she will say “yes” through some gesture – She kept putting her hands on me. Before we left the Cliff House. I took her to the view and it was so cold. She stood behind me and rested her arms on my shoulder – I put my arms around her back – her front to my back. We squeezed – I could feel her tits against me – after 15 minutes of standing there we broke it and then 3-4 minutes later we got back in the same position and I turned around and put my arms around her face to face. I squeezed her many times out of sheer delight. I snuggled up to her and put my face in her neck – she smelled good. She told me she was very comfortable and liked hugging me very much and said she liked it when I squeezed her. There I was – actually holding her – like a girlfriend. If I recall correctly I could even feel her box down there – I’m a great lover!

July 28th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (3.5/378.5) Today was a celebration of mere jubilation. The very thought of what occurred with Irene kept me in the best state of mind I believe I have ever experienced. I saw her at work and she called me and was full of smiles and laughter and said, “I had such a good time last night.” “You’re so easy to talk to.” After work I gave her a ride home. I said, “I had a good time last night. I almost wish it hadn’t happened.” She said, “Why not?” and I said, “because I am afraid it won’t happen again,” and she said, “it will!” → The H.R.’s had a fantastic practice today. We recorded 3 songs and they were the best things we have done to date. Hock admits he hasn’t been himself lately. We are all going to get jobs and if Tom shows the enthusiasm of Fred we will travel the greater world together. → Denise is going through bad times. I want to bring out the best in her. I made love once.

July 29th, 1976
(E)(L)(A)
Thursday (0/378.5/MP 9/SP 2) Today was O.K. I seemed to run into quite a few little problems. My Dad was on my back. My car blew up (luckily it need only a minor repair). I barley made it home with the gas I had. Irene got mad at me because she had me talk to Denise on the phone and decided we were too chummy. So all around I took a rather lot of shit. We played at the Wine Cellar. We just got up on stage. I didn’t even look at the audience. We didn’t put on any act- merely did our numbers and left. There could not have been more than 15 or 20 people out there. Afterwards I smoked a joint of gold. I went over to Denise’s for about 20 minutes and made love. I think Irene is falling in love with me. Why else would she dislike it so much to hear Denise and I on the phone. I am seeing her tomorrow.

July 30th, 1976
(F)(L)
Friday (0/378.5) Today I registered to San Francisco State University. Irene helped me out and I had a little talk with her. I went to State and completed my registration and my father wrote me a check for $95.50. When I got home I washed all my clothes and prepared for my trip. I picked up Denise and we made love 3 times before I woke up on Saturday. I took her to the Moonraker’s for dinner. She only finished ½ of her filet of sole and I finished all my prime rib – it was, as in my last two visits, superb in the finest sense of the word. After dinner I smoked a joint by the Ocean. Can’t say when I felt better. Denise loves me as only certain people can understand – “Ain’t no Mountain high enough, etc.” – then again I love her the same.

July 31st, 1976
(A)(E)
Saturday (0/378.5) What is going on? I am writing this on Sunday morning (Let me review Saturday first – Hold everything. I listened to the H.R.’s tape many, many times today with Hockridge and I smoked many joints. I got prepared – Helped Denise with her stuff. I looked all over for Bernadette at the airport. It turned out she arrived in Oakland so I picked her up there. Well here is the start of a 30 day adventure – or thereabouts. I bought her into S.F. and we took a look around and finally got a room at the Sam Wong and went to bed and just as we were preparing to make love I got soft. I don’t know what it was. I kissed her tits and felt her up and kissed her. Perhaps she wasn’t ready yet. I think she has to adjust to a few things.

August 1st, 1976
(L)(S)
Sunday (0/378.5) The only thing to do is to be so bitchin’ that she can’t resist me! This is going to be a case of love by example! The whole day passed and on whole we were much closer – holdings hands all day – kissing. I’m not used to being the aggressor and I don’t like it. I guess if I want her all I have to do is say so but I’m afraid of rejection. We went everywhere today – When we went to bed things finally got pretty exciting. Hold on – I am going to try again – (It’s Monday morning.) – Ah! Fuck it. I can’t summon the courage. I last night while Donna was in the bathroom and Monday morning she was giving me a hand job and I was squeezing her tits and we were making out – pretty heavily. It was great. As soon as they leave and we’re alone – poof! Nothing happens. I was acting bitchin’ last night.

August 2nd, 1976
(L)
Monday (0/378.5) Today was the most wonderful day in my life and if I ever forget it or even let depression near my soul after such a fine day I should hope the good lord will strike me down in disgust. Shortly after awakening (by making passionate kisses with Bernadette) I visualized over and over exactly how I wanted Bernadette and I to make love. We stayed at Donna’s until 5pm and had dinner in Sausalito at the 7 Seas. I had Baked Halibut. After dinner I had never felt more wonderful in my life and I explained to Bernadette how much I loved her. “I love you madly!!” We kissed. Very nice-romantic. Later I pulled over on a secluded frontage road and we started kissing and she pulled off her clothes. As usual I was limp – but I told her to give me a hand job. I got it in and 45 seconds – Pop! I was so horny. Later I rose naturally and put my dick inside her again. We made love for maybe 10 minutes. I felt so big inside her and so like a man. It was exquisite. After we smoked a joint. I fucked her twice!!!

August 3rd, 1976
(A)(!!)
Tuesday (0/378.5) Today was a rather odd day and it was, although I enjoyed it, sort of awful. We drove to Crescent City and parked in a back road and slept til about 5 o’clock. The weather is dismal everywhere we go in the north. Just before we got to Oregon we stopped because I wanted to finish the joints. I smoked five and Bernadette one. Needless to say I was stoned. When we stopped for the night, rather than do as she promised and make love to me, she chose to go to sleep in another seat. By accident I poked myself in the eye with a wire under the seat and from there on I as miserable. I tried to push myself on Bernadette and she gave the excuse that she was tired. (She told me Wednesday it was because I was angry.) I could not see. I developed a sore throat and Bernadette treated me like a little boy. I finally laughed it off.

August 4th, 1976
(L)(S)
Wednesday (0.378.5) Now I am sitting in a place of paradise – my mother’s house – it is quite wonderful – Bernadette and I sleep in the top room alone – there are two beds – 5’ apart. Many times today I talk with Bernadette about love. It makes me very happy when I concentrate “I am a great lover.” Otherwise I feel confused and unsure of myself. This whole situation reminds me somehow of being with Joan Nelson at Lake Tahoe – except for that it is quite different. Vic and Mom are great. (I think I’m going to use Master of Love – great lover – tonight.) It is so simple to make love with her but I make it hard. She seems unapproachable. I know I fucked her last night. (I mean night before.) What the hell – She is a girl. She likes to fuck – just wait and see – I’ll do it every night to her while we’re here. Vic is great – he makes us all laugh – Mom is great too. We had dinner, several bottles of wine – a fire. 2 warm beds. Vic is studying his French now.

August 5th, 1976
(L)(E)
Thursday (0/328.5) [Aug 4 – Bernadette just – (we are ready for bed) – came up and looked me in the eyes and gave me 30 of the sweetest short kisses I’ve ever had.]
Let me account some of the romance quickly – in the bathroom – morning – she comes and kisses me. In the public store. When I play my guitar I kiss her. On the beach I kiss her. But the best when she kisses me.
Today I caught two of Vic’s Kokanee. Bernadette caught 3 trout’s, Mom 3, Vic 3. We spent the whole day fishing. It was so relaxing that I think I will take up fishing as a hobby. It’s very fun. For breakfast I had 1 ½ trout, some real blueberry muffins and lemonade and coffee. For dinner I had lasagna, salad with avocadoes, vanilla ice cream, hot French bread and butter, wine, of course, coffee → I beat Mom 1 game of cribbage and Bernadette and I beat Mom and Vic another game today. Now → What will happen? I am now writing with only my pajamas in my bed. Bernadette was very sweet today. Wait! I will continue this in the other book-black. Nothing much happened, kisses and sleep.

August 6th, 1976
(A)(S)
Friday (0/378.5) I don’t know if I am just feeling sorry for myself or if what I feel is true. I am making it into a big thing but the people here are being downright rude to me. Mom keeps telling me to be quiet and not interrupt, Bernadette constantly interrupts me and Vic doesn’t answer my questions. I try to offer my comments for conversation and they are invariably overridden by someone else’s vocal chords because I suppose, popular opinion has it that I should have an unpopular opinion. If I say I like something Vic says he doesn’t – Bernadette finds more things to disagree with me about than my mother and so does my Mom. It’s hopeless – so I’ve given up. I caught my 4th and 5th fish today. A 10” Rainbow and a 7 ¾” White. Everybody pays attention to her – Bernadette → even her guitar playing is in more demand – This is an outrage! I took a 10 mile bike ride ate trout for breakfast and chicken and wine for dinner.

August 7th, 1976
(L)(S)
Saturday (0/328.5) Today was the 1 week anniversary of Bernadette being in America. We fished for a while and didn’t catch anything. I beat my mother again in cribbage and now I’m 1 up in single and beating Vic and Mom in doubles. B and I beat them in 4 games tonight. I must mention that after my last entry last night B and I made love twice (with 2 variations, 2 positions) – for 2 hours. It was the most exquisite thing we’ve ever done together. I don’t think that you can compare girls as in “She was better than she was.” Vic gave me a talk tonight and told Bernadette that I don’t know what I want to do. I’ve got to keep my attitude up. I feel very strange today and I had relapse into worrying I was going to do something rash. I want to investigate why Vic told me to think about my days before I go to sleep and get on my ass.

August 8th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)
Sunday (0/378.5) Finally, oh so finally I feel myself again. Ever since I had picked B up form Oakland. I have felt different, somehow insufficient. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was all part of her plan to nab my heart. Lesson Prime! Jeff, if you ever get negative stimuli in your mind – i.e. “I think I’ll kill so and so in cold blood,” just say “O.K. fine, do what you want. Do it right now.” Agree with the preposterous. It may sound totally insane – but reader please understand that I get Phobia’s about illogical things I might do. They never come to pass and the only danger is in the harm I cause to myself through fear. I find that if I try to take those stimuli seriously they get worse and if I take them as a joke they go away immediately. Last night B and I made love for 20 minutes and it was absolutely some of the best sexual experiences I have ever had. Today we went for a walk. – I am perfecting a hit tune, in fact 2 of them – I love em. Mom, Vic, and B especially bugged me.

August 9th, 1976
(L)
Monday (3/378.5) What a day! 1st, I want to figure out something. Before I went to sleep tonight Bernadette gave me a blowjob twice and we fucked in 2 different positions for an hour. It was by far the greatest sexual experience I have ever had when I told her that she said it was the best for her too. It so exhausted us that we both felt queasy in the stomach, frazzled in the brain and tired enough to sleep for a week. We have made love eight times with 4 variations as of the end of August 9, 1976 (at least for this trip).
Today Mom, I and B went to Bend and did some shopping. B and I planned the rest of the trip! We are going to have a great time. I’m glad to finally understand what the problem has been most of my life with worrying about things that never come to pass. They are called Phobias and their only harm is in their fear.

August 10th, 1976
(A)
Tuesday (0/378.5) Today was our last day at Mom’s. What a great day. I have gained 5 lbs. since we got here. We all went fishing – Mom and Vic caught “0” and B caught 1 Kokanee and 1 trout. I caught 2 11” rainbows, which, puts me at a grand total of 6 fish – more than anyone else for the week, although I went fishing 1 day more than them. I also caught 2 Kokanee, which is the most for the week. For dinner we had roast pork, potatoes, applesauce, gravy, wine, shrimp salad. What a feast. My appetite has really improved. After dinner B, M and I drank Galliano and Mom and I stayed up until 1 o’clock talking. We had a toast to each other with Gran Marnier. It was great to have a good talk with Mom. I feel we have been reinstated as friends. I reassured her as to myself and she finally respects me again.

August 11th, 1976
(L)
Wednesday (0/378.5) Today we left Mom’s place. We drove along Mackenzie Pass to Springfield and took Highway 58 to Crater Lake. We arrived there at about 7pm. It’s one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and boy is it fantastic! For breakfast this morning I had about 12 pancakes, 1 trout and 2 Kokanee. What a meal. Mom prepared B and I some lunch. I forgot to repay Mom that $5 bucks. All day long B was real sweet to me – we were Frenching as I drove down the highway – dangerous! We stopped for the night by a river with an almost empty tank of gas and when we crawled in the back of my station wagon to sleep she started giving me a blowjob – we began making love – 12 minutes later and it was some of the best sex I have ever had. We did it very slowly and the juices flowed. The orgasm was paced and was grade “A.” She said, “I am a woman not a rock.”

August 12th, 1976
(A)(E)(L)
Thursday (0/378.5) Today was a marvelous day. We drove to Medford and bought some food and then drove to Mt. Shasta. There was no place to park that was real good so we drove to a campsite off of 89 on the McCloud River. There we spent the day and the night. We basked nude in the sun on the river and ate lunch. I got a nude photo of B laying on a rock on the river for a memento. It was quite beautiful. I played the guitar for 1 ½ hours. We went to bed at sundown and what a marvelous sleep I had! It is really comfortable in the back. When we made love for 25 minutes it was typical of the pattern we are following – every time it gets better. Tonight was no exception. It was exquisite. She said, “as a lover, I give you an A+.”

August 13th, 1976
(A)(L)(E)
Friday (0/378.5) Today we visited a Park. It was interesting for me to study the hot pools of mud and spouting smoke from the hot Sulfur works – what a stench! It smells like rotten eggs. I had to bury a new radial tire for my right backside. I have to put in a quart of transmission fluid because I am quite low. I bought a gold pan in Quincy. We spent the night in a site on the Mid. Fork of the Feather River. Before we went to sleep B said, “Don’t play your guitar tonight. I don’t want to hear you play.” But what she really meant was, “I want to screw you right now!” And what sex it was! Believe it or not it was our best to date. Here is a little reminder – The 3 S’s of Love’s Successes – (Soft, Slow, Sweet) S.S.S. – Remember it!

August 14th, 1976
(A)(F)
Saturday (0/328.5) Fuck! What a raunchy day. The only thing good about today is that we spent $1.50 to take a shower and B finally looks pretty again because of her hair. Besides that –
1) When we started to drive today the back window went down and we couldn’t get it up so we had to buy some plastic sheeting
2) The whole car started to run shitty but the generator belt finally got on tight enough
3) The exhaust pipe busted and my car sounds like a tank
4) It rained like hell all day
5) I have not money because they could not cash my Lira at Tahoe
6) By the time we got to sleep B was not “In the mood” – not that I asked her but we didn’t fuck! God damn! I’ve been thinking about all the cars I’d like to own some day. Romeo, Chord, Ferrari, Jaguar, Lamborghini, Maserati, Mercedes and Roles Royce. We slept at Sutter’s Creek.

August 15th, 1976
(S)(A)(L)
“A girl is life – I dedicate my life to the perpetuation of all living things.”

Sunday (0/378.5) Another shitty day so far! It’s about 1:30 o’clock now. This morning I swerved off the road and almost went into a creek and broke a post off a wood bridge. (It was kind of exciting). Luckily some guys helped me get it out – They told me to get out of there quick, saying, “I didn’t see anything! Did you?” So we left. Phew! Now I did not get any gold and the car won’t start. We are at Calaveras River 1:30. Bernadette is an angel! I swear she cannot be of this earth. The heavenly experience she takes me though is proof enough to me. She inspires me, which, if I didn’t know better. I would swear she was sent by God to enlighten me. All night long I have been trying to understand what is unique to me because she is the only angel I have ever known. She kisses freely, creatively.

1) We are in Yosemite in a tent cabin.
2) I ate her out for 20 minutes right on her clit.
3) She loves me.
4) She is beautiful.
5) I have never been so happy.
6) When I think a bad thought I say – “well, it hasn’t happened yet, so far so good!” Positive!

August 16th, 1976
(L)(S)
“I have decided we shall return to S.F. on Sunday August 22nd at 3pm.”

Monday (0/378.5) Sex with Bernadette borders on the incredible – except for that it is on the “even more than incredible” side of the border. She said, “You brought me to 7-even (meaning 7th heaven) twice tonight (which is the 1st during the month I have gone twice in one night.)” –meaning of course that I made her come twice tonight. We took an hour and a half to lay together. I eat her for 20, she eats me for 15, I lick her for 1, we fuck for a few minutes and I come. She came once when I ate her and again when I came. We’ve decided our love is exact, perfect, chaste, sublime. I know this can never happen again and certainly not with anyone else. My mind is in 7th heaven. I am in space now. I feel so free. I feel I can travel anyplace or make reality what I want it to be. I break out in laughter because I am extremely pleased that life has given me exactly what I want in this particular instance. Today we: ate well, took pictures, took the bus, went shopping, played guitar, took walks, went swimming, took showers, started my car (and it worked on the 3rd try!) Bernadette looked so pretty all day it was all I could do to keep my mouth closed from saying, “You look ravishing, etc.”
August 17th, 1976
(S)(L)
“He who hesitates is lost.” Chinese Proverb told to me by Mom in Oregon 1 week ago. (13-9)
Tuesday (0/378.5) Subject: bad thoughts. Discussion: there is only one thing to do when an unpleasant thought enters your mind – ignore it – do things – get your mind onto something else. There is no way to change the fact that the thought occurred. If you stop to dwell on it, you are lost. You should act as if it didn’t even occur and enjoy your life. He who hesitates is lost. End of topic.

I am experiencing intense joy. I have never experienced this before. It’s incredible. I am feeling what men have been striving to feel for thousands of years – consumed by extended pursuits in ruptured ecstasy. Incredible! Just how happy is it possible to be? Tonight we ate cheeseburgers, wine and apple pie at the 4 Seasons Reasturant – the historic spot where me and the boys ate after Half Dome. We walked about 3 miles in the Valley Today. (Bernadette has the European Charm – always cute – “Jeff” – Jesus the way she says that word!) She felt sick tonight when we got to bed. I took care of her and sympathized. I ate her for 20 and when she didn’t want to screw, boy was I pissed!”

August 18th, 1976
(L)(A)
Wednesday (0/378.5) This morning I woke in the worst of moods. I was practically as rude as I could be with her and after breakfast she nearly raped me, then cleaned my back and gave me a manicure. I don’t feel so bad anymore. (When I get back I want to make a master scoreboard of all my relationships.) I am writing the rest of this on Friday August 20th – I did not get a chance to write the last few days. Let me see what I can remember about today (Aug. 18th) – B just helped me remember. We hiked to Vernal Falls Bridge and took a swim when we returned and a shower. We ate dinner in the cafeteria and then washed my clothes in the Laundromat. I told her (1/2 jokingly) that I was glad she returned to France because I would fall too madly in love with her.” When we made love in the evening I was in a very playful mood. It was a lot of fun. So the first time I made love to her twice in one day. Tomorrow we are going to try to leave Yosemite. What a fantastic experience it has been!

August 19th, 1976
(A)(F)
Thursday (0/378.5) Today, for the most part, was a very good day. For one thing Bernadette turned 19 today. We ate breakfast in the cafeteria and then drove out of the South Entrance of Yosemite. No sooner did we start but (I was jiggling the window switch and the window went up. I only got $104 for my 1000 Lira. I got the muffler pipe fixed in Fresno. Everything was going so good we decided to go to L.A. We drove around Hollywood for a while and had dinner at the Mirabelle Restaurant. I had scampi, salad, rice cheesecake and espresso coffee – it was right out on Sunset Strip! After dinner we drove to the Mexican border and slept in San Ysidro. B uses her sexuality well – as good as Giovanna, she is showing me things (qualities) I never knew she had. Movements, inflections eyes that are truly accomplished. She didn’t want to make love when we pulled over for the night – so I pouted like a big baby – and we nearly argued about the whole thing. That was the only part about the day that was a drag. The rest was wonderful!

August 20th, 1976
(L)(A)
Friday (0/378.5) Today (I am writing this at two o’clock) we went to Tijuana after we awoke. I had some beer, tacos and ice cream and she bought a purse. It was fun to go to Mexico. The weather is holding and there’s not a cloud in the sky. I am experiencing withdrawal. Sometimes when I don’t get laid I feel terrible. Well, well, well, the rest of the day was terrific! We went to Oceanside, CA. and had hamburgers on the beach, took a swim, drove to Whittier and I phoned Harpster there. Well, he came through! He invited us over (or rather I invited ourselves over) and we drove to his house. We had coffee (I had a bourbon – 7) and something to eat and went out on his patio and talked by firelight. B and I slept in the living room, together on the floor. We made love 2 times, 1 variation. It was great – I slid down and licked her into orgasm and then we did it again a few minutes later. I’m a good lover now – B – “It’s like I’m the lock and you’re the perfect key.” Me – “I love you, I love you, I love you.” “She turns me on so much.”

August 21st, 1976
(A)(L)
Saturday (0/378.5) Harpster’s great! He sent us on our way to Disneyland after eggs, bacon, hash browns, OJ and coffee! They gave us all their extra tickets and we were off. A simple route and Wa-La! Disneyland! What a day. We went to Pirates of the Caribbean, Matterhorn, Haunted House, It’s a Small World, Jungle Cruise, Monorail, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Autopia, Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, Fantasyland Theatre (seeing the first Mickey Mouse films), Main St. Cinema (seeing a hilarious Chaplain Movie, Mission to mars, Mark Twain, Steamboat, Train through the primeval world, the Skyway to Tomorrow land and saw such fabulous entertainment as to be unbelievable and fireworks and an incredible parade – the weather was in the mid-80’s – not a cloud in the sky. When we left I drove past Saugo’s (we were in DL from 11 a.m. to 12pm) We were both exhausted. I parked. She was asleep. I was horny so I started kissing her and then ate her out, which woke her up and then made love, which was incredible once again! (She loved it!) So did I!

August 22nd, 1976
(L)(A)(F)
Sunday (0/378.5) If my life keeps getting better at a rate like this then someday all my dreams will come true.
Today was a good day. We woke and drove to Kettleman City where my car finally conked out. I thought some things were wrong with it – including the transmission – it was only the gap between the points that was throwing the entire car off. The guy took 3 minutes to re-adjust them and ($3 later) the car gave us a trouble free ride the next 20 miles home. We went to Donna’s and then went to dinner with her. I spent $8.25. Oh no! I phoned Clymer and we went over there. Cappa came over and I didn’t know when I have had that much fun. We laughed, joked, and howled for 3 hours. Clymer let me and B sleep in his room. So she and I made love for 30 minutes and as usual it was like being in a fantasyland of feeling – absolutely incredible and perfect. Marty is engaged. Cappa and Clymer have started a painting company – Hock and Fred – so the word is – are fired up to go to Canada. You know sometimes I wish I could break up with Denise!!!!

August 23rd, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
BLISS. Note: A lot of people at work were really happy to have me back, “Welcome back, Jeff.”
Monday (0/378.5) I am laying here in Scott’s room at Jeff Clymer’s house and surprised, but not that much, at my phenomenal luck. Mrs. Clymer left Sunday, Scott left today – so Bernadette and I are welcome to stay her for the week – we have a bed that’s wider than it is long. Most of the day and night we have the house to ourselves. Bernadette and Tom came tonight to get me at work and Irene saw B and I was so proud. When I got home B had salad and crepes ready for me for dinner – we had the house to ourselves. Shortly after dinner, after I had played Scott’s 12-string guitar, we made love. [I performed 2 variations.] Next morning B looked better than I’d ever seen her yet.
Some short notes: Got to work. Jerry said I was laid off- before Tom could pick me up, he had phoned the area director and I had all my hours back. ***. Tom said everybody who listened to our tape had a positive reaction. The H.R.’s are psyched and on their way. ***. J, G and Tom voted me as a full-member of the board of CC & Associates with all irrevocable rights. ***

August 24th, 1976
(L)(E)
SUCCESS – Tuesday (3/381.5) Days, days, days like this should be remembered. If ever a day made me feel important – on my way to success and fame this was it. In the afternoon before I went to work – it as 3:30pm and I knew I’d be late to work and so did B., but we couldn’t help ourselves and we made the 2nd most passionate love I’ve experience (1st was Giovanna in London). Everyone at work was making me feel bitchin’. God am I popular. And when I got home there was Jeff, Gary, Tom, Fred, Karen Ramsell, Brad Julia and Bernadette had dinner prepared for me in the dinning room – with wine. Tom, me and Fred played our hits and everyone loved them. We practiced for a while downstairs – new harmonies on WITYILY – I went upstairs at 2 a.m. and B practically raped me. We made love for about an hour. Jesus, she is exciting – and we’re both madly in love.

August 25th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Wednesday (1/382.5) Got woken up by the boys and Hock and I got C & C a $250 paint job for tomorrow! Then Fred, Hock and I practiced for a while and when everybody had left Bernadette and I made love with 1 variation. I went to work. After work Bernadette had a very tasty dinner prepared for us and I drank quite a bit of wine. Jeff requested me to sing some song by firelight in his loving room, so I sang; Big Chested Ladies, I Fooled My Lord, and Sweet Suzanne – they absolutely loved them and Clymer went bananas! Bernadette told me afterwards how much she liked the songs; “I know you’ll be famous. I like your songs.” Clymer, “Shea, when I heard you in 9th grade I knew you’d be bitchin’ some day.” Afterwards, B and I made excellent love 1 time with 2 variations – Jesus, Shea, I’m so in love it’s wonderful. See ya tomorrow.

August 26th, 1976
(L)(F)
Thursday (0/382.5) Well, well, well Today I painted til 2 – went home – B blew me and we made love. It was exquisite. She had been lying out in the sun and was really horny. She’s great you know. At work Irene told me that 2 girls I had seen last night were her friends Sheila and Suzan – the girl I’m supposed to date. I remembered a cute blonde that was Sheila – Sheila told her “- his eyes – all I saw were his eyes. If things don’t work out with Susan can I go out with him?” – That’s what Irene told me. Gary, Mike and I had a meeting – the Argonauts. I’ve got to raise $5,000 in the next year and a half and find a girl to do the same. B and I 69’d tonight and then made love. She is something else. Those guys didn’t finish the painting. I’m in the process of developing a refined rating system for girls. Our love was great tonight. So says B.

August 27th, 1976
(L)(F)
Friday (0/382.5) Today was another in the long string of fine days I’ve been having. I painted in the morning. In the afternoon B and I made love 2 variations and then, went to dinner at my grandmother’s house. Marc met Bernadette and it was a lovely affair. We went to Fisherman’s wharf and I bought her a Beach Boys record for her birthday. We got an ice cream and then proceeded onto the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge and then home to Clymer’s. We talked with Scott and then all the fellas came home with Lisa Strohmeier - it was sure nice to see her. I had one toke of a joint of gold which made me feel pretty good and B and I made some passionate love – 2 variations – when we returned early before the rest of the gathering I am determined to learn the art of happiness and relation! – and full confidence.

August 28th, 1976
(L)
Saturday (0/382.5) My paradise is fading rapidly. I don’t think I’ll be fully able to tell what I’ve had this past month until I begin missing it. Bernadette and I have made love 30 times – an average of once a day – and we have performed 29 variations an average of once a day. All of my family thinks she is great. I think she is wonderful.
Today we spent the day at Foster City in a house Fred is sitting by the pool, drinking wine with Taylor. My father took Bernadette and I out to dinner and drinks at the El Sombrero on Geary in S.F. In my estimation he really was impressed with her. In bed tonight Bernadette got mad because I wasn’t passionate enough → I really got as passionate as I could and won, it was great. We had made love earlier in the morning. Whenever I really want to turn myself on I only have to think, “This is wrong. I shouldn’t enjoy this.” And Pow!

August 29th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Sunday (3.5/386) I would like to finish my vacation here in writing. Bernadette left my house at 10 o’clock in the morning. She cried on my bed this morning. She didn’t cry at the airport. She merely led me to a place away from all the people and gave me a short kiss and said, “thank you,” winked at me, said Goodbye and we both turned and walked away from each other. She told me last night that she hadn’t meant to fall in love with me on this trip, but I guess it’s obvious by her action that she had!!!! Clymer and I picked up the check from painting. It was $270. The H.R.’s met at 8pm and had an excellent practice. We began revising “Be Yourself” and have just put a superb ending on “Buried Treasure.” I phoned Denise and she was so pissed. But I set up a date with her on her lunch break tomorrow. At a last resort I have Christabelle to turn to.

August 30th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
Monday (3.5/389.5) I got $42 for painting and it included the fees the guys were going to charge me for equipment. Yesterday Fred and I went to S.F. to look at guitars. We had an incredibly lousy lunch at the Hippo on Van Ness.) Denise called me a jerk, she didn’t like, love, respect or want to see me again and then she hinted that she wanted to kiss me. She phoned me at the Spa but I didn’t return her call. I’ll phone her tomorrow night. I told Irene – mostly jokingly – that I wanted to fall in love with her. Fred, Tom and I practiced tonight on “Be Yourself” – we are getting it down (I am getting so horny). We all decided that our last resort is to make a trip through Canada – (Via Hamburg Beatles style – before making it big – we’re not really going to Hamburg.)

August 31st, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
Tuesday (0/389.5) This year has been a year of work – that’s the only way I can figure it – aside from the month of August – which was pure joy – I can say the only thing I have accomplished was the organization of the H.R. – it better get me somewhere because I have devoted a whole year to it. Now I am faced with dilemmas on all sides. I feel bad about Denise. I fucked her. (1 variation.) tonight – but I just don’t dig her that much anymore. I can’t keep my job and go to school. I can’t go to school and be happy. I want to split with the H.R.’s so bad my sides are splitting. We need money. If we split we will have –
1) Time to practice
2) Exposure to the public
3) A helluva adventure
4) A helluva good time.

I’ve got to find another chick – like right now. All I did was work today – and talk to Irene – and fuck Denise. I can’t afford to waste my days like this anymore.

September 1st, 1976
(S)
Wednesday (0/389.5) Today I seemed kind of lost. I didn’t go to work because Clymer and I fixed the bearing in my car. So I ate dinner at a reasonable hour for the first time in a long time. It made me realize what I’ve been missing and I’ll tell you something- I sure as hell am gonna quit work right now. You see, dear reader, your hero, Jeff Shea, is going through transition period about right now. Don’t you notice it? School, quit work, girlfriend re-evaluation. Sure – I’ll tell you – Jeff is on the right track. Someday he’ll be a millionaire. It’s only a question of when now. Jeff has finally gotten his fight back into himself which he lost a few years ago when his mother, Stanford, etc. intimidated him. But he’s back with a few new tools – for one – no fight is worth loss of progress – (I’d better stop while I’m still making sense!)

September 2nd, 1976
(S)(F)
[Written over entire entry: Dyna/Psych™ is Working! Started Apr. 28th, 1974. –Editor.]
Thursday (0/389.5) I haven’t written in Wednesday’s slot yet but here goes today – you know, for the 1st time in so long a time I actually miss Denise. I phoned her today and she said she couldn’t go out with me on Friday cause she was already going out and couldn’t go out tonight because she was going to an American Legion meeting. You know, it made me gain my love back for her. I hope she’s got a date with a guy on Friday (at any rate he can’t compare to me!!!) – Went to my first day of school today – I guess it’s going to be fun. Hock is laid up in bed right now cause he had his wisdom teeth pulled. Helen said I couldn’t eat if I didn’t give her $10 a week. My Dad says he’ll pay me to pay her. He’s bitchin’. Big night tonight as I told him – I’m finally getting my fight back in me! It’s bitchin’. It’s been quite a few years! I swear to God I’m quitting cold tomorrow!

September 3rd, 1976
(F)
Friday (0/389.5) Today was my 1st real day of school. I got so frustrated at all of the idiocy that takes place at a large university – for one thing I don’t think I’ll be able to take 3rd semester harmony because of some bureaucratic ruling that CSR Harmony could be deficient and I must take a placement test that it was impossible for me to make. So now I am tentatively going to school 11-3. I told Jerry that the 16th was going to be my last day of work! I went out with Cappa this evening and we laughed more than I have in years – I think since some of our laughing storms back in high school. We made a past of friendship and - Dear Diary my head finally feels like it did back in high school – together! I wish I could have a glimpse into the future and find out my dreams are fulfilled.

September 4th, 1976
(L)(S)
Saturday (0/389.5) Writing at 3:47 a.m. 5th of 9 – Went with Denise today – blew me - came – I licked her. Later fucked with prophylactics once. I am going to have to drop her soon – but she is on my good list – and someday she’ll reap the rewards of her love -$200,000 - $75 million mansion 538 miles from Sydney 742 miles from Melbourne! – Topic – NURIA GALVAN – talked 3 ½ hours, bought her home and she said, “Let me have your hands.” I started kissing her fingers – She was digging it – Then I kissed her neck. I kept telling her how wonderful she was. We talked – She said, “You are amazingly sensual – you’ve got sensual lips. I’ve never experienced something so pleasant. I didn’t imagine you with so much class – you are fine, Jeff. Then I kissed her neck – Then finally our lips met after 2 years and the 1st kiss was the best 1st kiss I ever made. Her lips are so soft and firm and sensual (like mine!) and we grabbed and intertwined our lips and then her tongue – incredibly well shaped. We ended up, her on top of me – clothes on, of course, making out! (But Harpster said forget it after the 8th date!) Give it 2 days for her to call and 5 for bliss!!!

September 5th, 1976
(L)
Sunday (0/389.5) Today Gary, Mike and I went to Moss Beach to discover Jack E. Sullivan, residing at 807 Tierra Alta was not home. We looked at some boats in the progress of being built and returned home. At home I had a boiled meal and then went with Rob Hall, Bill Weeks, Gary Cappa and Tom Hockridge to a party in Belmont at which I got stoned and nearly picked up a chick, which Cappa (I wonder why he’s so powerful) picked up after he had told me earlier that he would. [I am writing this on September 6th.] The 5th I didn’t think much of Nuria but the 6th she was on my mind sporadically throughout the afternoon. My plan is to call her at 7:30pm on the 6th. I know she’s waiting for me to call her. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if we started seeing each other regularly. She was talking as if she enjoys and does make love – “I enjoy sex… you are the best!” – “Where did you learn?”

September 6th, 1976
(L)
Monday (0/389.5) I spent the entire day at home and the evening, which was quite a surprise to my father. I phoned and talked to Cappa for about 45 minutes – me and Gary are getting to be good friends. I read up to page 135 in Jaws – I sewed and ironed my blue pants, which took about an hour. We had an excellent dinner of roast chuck and mashed potatoes, which my father cooked up. I phoned Denise and as usual she was on a bummer – if I had another girlfriend I would drop her like a hot potato – I’ll see her tomorrow night. The highlight of my day was my conversation with Nuria - the 1st thing she said, “I am still savoring some memories.” (referring to the natural bliss of Saturday night.) I think she wants to date me – she is being awfully sweet – and I find she brings out the best in me – no matter how temporary. I’m in love.

September 7th, 1976
(L)
Tuesday (0/389.5) Today was slightly different than a lot of days because I am starting to get back “into the swing of things.” I finished reading Jaws – good book. I sent a letter off to Bernadette today with the pictures that I promised her. Let me boil today down to one scene. Denise and I in my car at Lake Merced – kissing necking sweetly – she pulls down my pants and caresses my erection. I am fingering her and she is very wet. She pulls my penis near to her waiting vagina. We have to interrupt to get the God damn rubber out. We get it on me – but not until after a big fight ensued because it was her responsibility to put it on me and she kept stalling. I put it in her – it feels so incredibly good with that touch of passion on me. Oh shit! That’s why it felt so good – the rubber busted – Humph. Used another and quickly went off. Note, “I am never using a rubber again.”

September 8th, 1976
(F)(E)(S)
Wednesday (0/389.5) I am a fucking mental superman. No wonder I’ve lost a lot of interest in school. It’s too fucking easy. One look at my books and… well, it’s only a matter of studying to get A’s. Here I am – quote – (Hockridge tonight) “I want to get back to practicing.” On the verge with Denise and hoping so much I can start a romance with Nuria – but I got the most peculiar feeling she was thinking about that months ago. Here I am 4:30 a.m. in the morning and not even tired. I’ve completed most of my homework. It’s a bitch to have to work. Party here tomorrow night. I’m a fucking genius. You know my voice is getting better. I am starting to feel powerful again. I’ve just about tricked my conscience. When I get a bad thought I realize that it’s as good as a guarantee it won’t happen!

September 9th, 1976
(S)(F)
Thursday (0/389.5) Concerning the above prediction – I wasn’t able to set the date for tonight – so move it up one day! I am writing this on the 10th so let me say as a prelude to my date with her I feel so confident, right and horny that I’ll score – I just feel good. I made $20 in 2 ½ hours – 3 hours. Work at Gram’s today. I fixed up her yard – Then I put five hours in at the Spa. When I got home Cappa and Friedman were waiting for me. Clymer and Julia came up a little later. Had 2 steaks, corn, cottage cheese and a shrimp cocktail – 2 beers for dinner. I felt great. We named all of the brothers J.C. – Sal Spirochete, M.F. Monty Marmot, G.C. Barney Birson, and me, The Worm. I just hit it! J.C. Adventure – M.F. Finance – T.H. entertainment. F.N. love, G.C. Success. Myself I guess Master of Life. M.F. if I add him as Master of relationships. But I can add a whole crew of girls!

September 10th, 1976
(L)(S)(F)
Friday (0/389.5) “O.K. Jeff. Are you ready? I am going to give you the go-ahead. This is going to be the most exciting (to-date) winter of your life. Oh sure there will be much more fantastic winters in your life, but this will be the best so far. It’s going to be absolutely incredible – guaranteed.” Talking to myself on my way home. Nuria – “You’re so sexy.” “You’re so virile!” It’s incredible.” “I can see why your girlfriend wants to keep you.” “I want to kiss your chest.” “I want to kiss your chest.” “I want to kiss your chest, but not with my lips. I want to kiss your chest with the tips of my nipples on my breasts.” “Oh that feels so good.” “Jeff, you touch me in a way I’ve never been touched. I want to feel you burning inside me.” “Oh- I’m so wet!” You’ll get your hand wet.” Placing my hand on her breasts. Grabbing my cock. Rubbing her other hand up my crotch. I was fingering her outside her house. She was wet! So wet you couldn’t believe it. Her lips are incredible. She ranks in the top 3 kisses – Karen F., Giovanna and her. More to come later. Got a job today starting at Hertz in the morning (Sunday). Denise phoned. The H.R.’s meet tomorrow!

September 11th, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (5.5/395.5) I feel healthy mentally. I feel “together” at last! My head’s together. Far out! All I’m thinking about is Nuria. Hock and I practiced today – it was marvelous. We made some major improvements on the songs; The Best Things In Life are Free and we recorded that and Big Chested Ladies. Hock and I are going to practice again tomorrow night.
I brought Denise over and she kept trying to kiss me but I kept saying it wasn’t the right time – when I finally got her into my bedroom it was great. I just started turning on my sex appeal. I started complimenting her. I was determined to make love – and that we did – but I pulled out before I came. I asked her to spend the night and she did and we made love for maybe 45 minutes. I was hard like a rock and I went down twice and juiced her up with my mouth. It felt so good to have the shit fucked out of me again.

September 12th, 1976
(E)(F)(A)
Sunday (3/398.5) I got up early and drove Denise home. Then I drove to Hertz and worked my first day as a Hiker for $4.25 – mum’s the word about this job because I want to save the money. It was really fun and easy too, to work as a Hiker and it’s nice to be able to work 8 hours and get off at 3. Denise phoned me and invited me to Marriott’s Great America on Saturday. I said “Yes” tentatively. Hock came over at 8 and we put some marvelous touches on Be Yourself. The truly most exciting Moment of the day was when I was trying to get prepared for bed and my Dad burst in and threw everything off my bed, scattering paper al over the floor, screaming and swearing so wildly that he got a few licks on the side of my head and then told me I was keeping Paul awake – and all because I said I’d be quiet in 5 minutes and he said, “Now!”)

September 13th, 1976
(S)
Monday (1.5/400) New addition to Master of Life – “I am relaxed, tension-free. I trust myself and thus I have peace of mind. I am secure. I believe totally in my worth as a good entity and human being. I am innocent. I believe in my innocence. I am honest with myself. I take good care of my well being and thriving preservation. I help myself. I am free of self-doubt. – Hock came over tonight and so did Clymer – it’s great to have your friends come to see you. Tomorrow I am going to phone Susan and Denise. All I keep thinking about is Nuria. I have perfected a rating system on girls. Nuria is an 8.07! Denise is only a 5.33. The last few days I have been looking at my Daily Declarations as a mental exercise that I am required to get into “If I want results.” It was Dan at work who got me thinking about it (He had been speaking of physical exercise) I have noticed immediate improvement.

September 14th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
Tuesday (2/402) Today was magnificent. For one thing Hockridge and Shea wrote another song – at last! Which is destined to be a hit. After work I had an extremely interesting conversation with a young lady named Susan (who is the girl Irene is setting me up with). We talked for 1 hour and 35 minutes. Long distance. She has a real nice voice and if she is at all good looking I am going to let her fall in love with me. On the other hand, Nuria is the one who I long to see – but I don’t feel like phoning her. God, am I dying to see her. My new attitude about things is bitchin’ – I don’t push things – I let things happen – especially with girls – like I didn’t really ask Susan out – I didn’t even think about it – Jesus, did we hit it off. Note: I want to see Nuria so badly.
P.S. I wonder what she’s thinking of me.
P.P.S. Fred and I are practicing 9/16.

September 15th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
“I am getting closer to the Success, NIACIN!”
Wednesday (0/402) And so the close of another day… the word in the right corner means success. Niacin is a rush, a wonder drug that from this night forward I am hooked on – ever since I took some, things have been happening – and ever since I began visualizing seriously things have been happening. I fucked Denise tonight in a way I’ve never fucked before – lustful – no apprehension – attributed to… NIACIN. I’ve been eating like a pig… NIACIN. I got a letter from Bernadette today that was so beautiful. I read it tonight listening to the H.R.’s on tape and the combination forced me to cry with elation… there I was receiving an Oscar, then again a parade on Wall St., my hands raised in victory and tears coming down my cheeks – because that is where I’m going!

September 16th, 1976
(E)(L)(S)
“Could NIACIN be the drug of the H.R.’s?”
830 Thursday (4/406) Ken Graham phoned me from Hertz and I’m working Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Fred and I practiced today. We produced a nice lead for The Best Things… and a fair one for Big Chested Ladies and we reviewed Be Yourself. We’ll be practicing again tomorrow. We forgot the lead for Big Chested Ladies already. I am high right now, so forgive any blundering errors! I just went drinking with Kevin Kavannaugh. Hell of a nice guy!! I don’t have to work at the spa no more!!!! That in itself is exciting! I can’t wait to buy my bottle of Niacin tomorrow. It makes me feel powerful!!! I phoned Nuria tonight but she won’t be home until tomorrow and I phoned Denise and I am leaving Saturday night up in the air – Either Nuria, Denise or the B’s (in that order)! Debbie at work was kissing up to me. I’d like to ask her out – but how? Maybe I’ll ask Dan to tell her I love her! Everybody at the spa was real nice to me tonight – even Angie – I think deep down inside she wants me – I’m such a God!

September 17th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (2/408) Well, Fred and I practiced a few hours today, reviewing The Best Thing, and making some beautiful arrangement of Big Chested Ladies – we were pretty, excited about that. I got paid today and bought a bottle of 250 tabs of NIACIN! I phoned Nuria just before I went out with Susan and I said, “When can I see you?” She said Sunday and I managed to make it for Saturday night! She sounded pleased and surprised to her me. I can’t wait! My date with Susan was great. She has a real pretty face and a fair body and I great personality. We really hit it off! I would like to see her again! We went to Sausalito and then to Jem’s for a Sundae. I’ll have to arrange something of a boy-girl type relationship between us since she is going to S.F. State College and all. I know she likes me too- it’s only a matter of time. I’m going to phone Irene and tell her how great I thought Susan was! Practice Sunday with Fred!

September 18th, 1976
(L)
“Nuria says she is going to make me her consented – meaning sex.”
Saturday (0/408) I worked until 3 (My Dad woke me at 5am and had a discussion, we may move out together) slept til 5:30. Ate dinner and went to see Nuria. We talked for a long time and then took a drive on Titan Trail Road and then made out. I licked her vagina for a time and then again later. I kissed her all over. We were both nude – but I didn’t get to fuck her because we must get B.C. (birth control). All this is relatively unimportant – and now – The meat: it was 3:30 a.m. I was saying goodnight. “Nuria, please give me 2 ½ minutes more.” “O.K., Jeff.” And then it happened. I kissed her and my feelings for her came out and made me kiss her so passionately and perfectly that I’m sure she was shocked. My lips, her lips in sublime ecstasy. For maybe 20 to 30 minutes every motion, every touch, every feeling was perfect – exciting! She told me how great it will be to fuck me – “Your penis will bite my lips. When you do these things you make me want to make you happy.” Grabbing her tits. The thought that was running through my mind was, “I am going to miss you. I love you. I like ever so much.” I’ve got a great future with that girl.

September 19th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (3/411) I was an hour late to work and after work I went to Fred’s house it’s a pretty nice place inside and we put the finishing touches to the rough draft of BC Ladies and added a weak intro to TBTILA Free. I finished reading Tales of Power today. What a book! That is one of the most interesting things… Perhaps one day I will look into that a little more. I added “I always have a hard on and I am always potent to my list of Love goals – blah, blah, blah! Practice Tuesday – noon at Fred’s. I can’t wait to fuck Nuria. That is going to be so choice. The feelings I feel with her are similar to those with Giovanna – that intense purifying passion when it’s inexorable to any other force I’ve experienced in life! The lips! That is where it seems to come form – Now I know how Giovanna felt about me because I am acting like that towards Nuria. My heart is overflowing. If I had more time, I wouldn’t mind fucking Patti at work.

September 20th, 1976
(L)(S)(F)
Monday (0/411) The events of the last few days are hard to describe within a page – I have been experiencing an enlightenment and it has changed me in a way that will stay with me or the rest of my life. I have seen the real side of myself. I constantly worry on the surface but I have looked inside to see that reason I worry is because “a little man inside myself” is a sublime jokester – he is just having fun – that is the way I have learned to understand myself. I no longer fear myself. I have been laughing and feeling free the last few days – smiling. I have learned to laugh. I sent $37 to my bank account today. Made love twice to Denise (1 variation) Went to class. Did homework. Thought of Nuria. Even thought of Susan whom I am definitely going to have to see again. New goals – “I am always potent.” “I always have a hard on” have filled a void in me. They work! Reading Tales of Power has usually turned me on. Saw Marty at school. 12 songs of my own on Philosophy.

September 21st, 1976
(F)(S)
Tuesday (0/411) I found out tonight that Denise isn’t pregnant – great! Fred gave me 4 pairs of pants that didn’t fit him. His mother told him she thinks I’m a nice boy. I replaced my alternator belt today and gapped my pants. I sewed and pressed all my clothes – Boy am I begging to get quite a nice collection of clothes together. Fred told me today that he is going to receive quote: “500,000 liquid cash and 1,000,000 in stocks and bonds!” I’ve been feeling so happy the last few days. Whenever an “unpleasant” thought enters my mind it makes me laugh uproariously. I’ve freed myself once again. I feel somehow like I am younger.

September 22nd, 1976
(S)(L)
Wednesday (0/411) I am excited. I am revising my goals into a new book. I have just come up with the idea that instead of my long-winded goals I might do the following “I am a Master in the Science of Finance.” I am one of the ten leading authorities on Finance in the United States.” I think it might be much more concise and dynamic. I’ve got to write the goal on love as if I have none and have never had any doubts about my sexual prowess – not taking into account the possibility of failure. I feel the length and complexity of my present personality goals has been holding me back. Denise and I had a major argument tonight – whereas I thought her period had started and she could not get pregnant. I found out that her period hasn’t started and she probably is pregnant. When I got home my Dad gave me a haircut. I feel bitchin’. This haircut makes me look so cute, good-looking and healthy.

September 23rd, 1976
(F)(E)(L)(S)
Thursday (4.5/415.5) Since I am writing this on Saturday night, let me make this a 3-day entry and describe shortly the vents of the days and then give me a few pages to discuss some of my recent thoughts. Thursday I cashed my check from Hertz. The government took out $10 of $34! Hock and I practiced and then got stoned. We put some very nice touches on our two present songs. I ran out of gas on the way home and ran all the way up Monterey! Phew!
Friday Marty picked me up for school and dropped me off afterward. Denise and I went out. She paid $21 for a haircut and it looks terrific! She’s going to lend me $140 if I want to get my guitar out of Hock – not really Hock – out of the repair shop. We made love twice and she gave me a BJ. The first time we made love I didn’t get hard til after the BJ and when she said some insulting remark later I simply ignored it, for when I had my second chance. I practically ripped off our clothes and stuck it in her. It was passion – I simply shut off my internal dialogue and thought of how much I wanted her–

September 24th, 1976
(L)(E)
Friday (415.5) –- body. I went wild! It was great. When I make up my mind I want a girls body, I invariably love her well. Saturday I woke at 5am and worked until 3pm. I went to Hock’s and we practiced our 2 songs for a while and then I took a nap – I slept in the guest room. I was tired. Clymer came by and woke me up at 9 and I took a ride with him in his Datsun to Hall’s house and then I came home. Now for my recent thought: my recent decision to become one of the greatest lovers of our time is indeed a monumental one as it shall become apparent in time. I have been mentally lazy the last few years if not all my life in this regard and although I am somewhat accomplished I can see a complete visual of all my ideas is necessary. I find a basic change in attitude coming upon me. For one thing, I’ve got to learn how to perform in bed better and eventually “perfect every time.” I feel a decision like this is something I have always wanted but was always afraid to admit it to myself. [I am reading Casanova’s Memoirs.]
“I am going to cut out stoning and drinking. O.K. in relation to sex drive.”

September 25th, 1976
(L)
Saturday (2/417.5) I am persistent enough and dedicated enough to give this quest my all and be successful at it. I feel lousy right now in the regard I should be making it with better women and making it better. I perform best when I have time like a whole day in bed for the express purpose of sex. It’s funny – it seems sometimes it comes so naturally to me and other times it is so difficult I can continue various methods to make myself perform well such as –
1) Thinking it is bad and saying to myself I don’t want to do it.
2) Shutting off the internal dialogue and thinking “I want you so bad!” – but the best love is performed when all stimuli (but the love and the bodies) is when nature takes its course.

I rather like to succumb to those thoughts, though I must admit the 2nd one is key, natural – it is almost a lack of technique – which his the best! At any rate, some kind of technique is eventually desired by me, which will enable me total control of the situation. One last note is that the better the circumstances – it means generally – the better the love.

September 26th, 1976
(L)
Sunday (0/-) Written: 1:30 a.m. I think I am afraid to admit to myself how much I usually like women, perhaps because of my Christian heritage. Today was the most wonderful day of my life – if only because I filled it with love and what is better than love? I worked from 12-8 and read up to pg. 226 of Casanova’s Memoirs and learned quite a lot. When I got home I did as follows: I arranged Mon – after school pick up Denise after getting guitar from city, spend night in hotel with her. Tuesday after work 8:30pm at Tom’s to practice Wednesday after dinner at 8:25pm to Christabell’s house. Thursday after work at 9 to Irene’s house and I am going to see if Friday night Susan. Saturday night Nuria. After I sewed some of my clothes I wrote a 6-page letter to Giovanna of such eloquence that I think she’ll have no choice but to love me.

September 27th, 1976
(L)
(0/417.5) Monday - My life is taking a turn for the better and I am making it happen! I’ve got a car, a job, a musical group, lots of girlfriends, money in the bank, I’m going to college. I am taking a step up in the world! Lately I’ve arranged my wardrobe, cleaned my closet and drawers – everything is well organized. Today was a typically bitchin’ day. I went to school. Afterwards I picked up Denise and we went to the Motel Orleans. (I’ve started sleeping on my back all night long lately and haven’t masturbated at all – consequently): I was filled with desire… tingling with excitement. We made love 4 times and then once before we got up in the morning – that makes 5 times all together. It was great. 5 good solid fucks. I am such a stud. I changed my goals last week simplified them – and ever since I have felt dynamic. I’m going to the top! Watch out world!!!!

September 28th, 1976
(F)(E)
Tuesday (5/422.5) Some events transpired this evening that I firmly believe have a good chance of becoming history. (I worked at Hertz all day long. I drove Denise home in the morning. I lent her $8 and by her permission extracted $140 for the guitar and $8 to repay me for the loan.) Tom, Fred, and I practiced and sounded quite good. Hock was stoked and told us that we better start practicing and getting it down. Realizing he was right we got into a long serious discussion. We all seem pretty intent on accomplishing our task. I suggested early morning practices and the 1st one will be on Thursday 7:30 at Tom’s. We made a vow this evening (and talked of leaving the Bay Area on Dec. 26th) that between tonight and Oct. 28th we will practice 100 hours get 15 songs completed and record them on tape. We smoked dope and finished 2 six packs. I feel powerful. I’m bitchin’! Godfrey!!!

September 29th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Wednesday (0/422.5) I’d like to mention I wrote the best love letter of my life to Giovanna a few nights ago, I am going to write a lot to Bernadette – Tonight I see Christabelle – Star! I feel that Harpster’s coming to dinner tonight – premonition. I picked up my guitar today and I paid him and left. I am so happy to have it back. I put a $175 Hofner Electric Guitar on layaway today. It’s what the Beatles used in the beginning. I love it and want it so bad. It is going to be the guitar that will make me famous! I went to Christabelle’s. I swear that girl turns me on more than anyone. I was so utterly excited I could not help myself. I made love to her after about ½ hours of foreplay. Then I made love to her again and it was great. I hold on to her breasts. Oh! They are absolutely gigantic. I finally left at about 1:30 a.m. She asked me to phone her more often.

September 30th, 1976
(F)(E)(L)
Thursday (2/424.5/2) My life is definitely taking a turn for the better. Hertz paid me $56 – for 2 days work, which means that this week I earned over $100. If we don’t have to go on strike I will be in the money. Now I’ve got to worry about keeping my grades up. Hock and I practiced this morning. It was great to practice the 1st thing of the day. We are writing a new song. I saw Irene this evening and it was as exciting as the last time – well not quite. We took a long walk and I held her hand and caressed her hand in the car and kissed her hand and we almost kissed. When she left she leaned forward and kissed me (a little peck) on the check and then left. It was all rather abrupt. Mom sent me a letter and a book on etiquette to correct my “rude manners”. At first I was offended but now I think it’s funny!

October 1st, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
Friday (5/429.5) School – paid – Denise – Morning practice – H.R.’s Marty and Connie got Laid – I am writing this on Sun Oct 3rd and I willfully recap the events of the last 2 days. I went to school, cashed my 2 paychecks, which totaled $99.88 I changed the power steering hose in my car. About 8pm I got Denise and took her down to Hockridge’s attic and we played a few songs for Mary and his fiancé – it was rather embarrassing – we didn’t sound tight.
After everyone left Denise and I stayed in the attic and made love. I got up Saturday at 6 a.m. and got to work at 7. After work Tom, Fred and I had a practice and then I went home and slept for awhile – ate dinner and then called Irene and she really wanted me to meet her and her friends at the St. Francis Renthouse. So I went there. I didn’t have to pay anything.

October 2nd, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (2/431.5) Work. Denise - tried to get Nuria – Irene – talk with Dad – went for gas and I had a fairly good time. I like both of her free birds – Sheila and Susan. I danced with Irene and she is the most fantastic dancer I have ever seen. I couldn’t believe it!!! I took Sheila for a walk and with Irene also. I left at 1:45am. When I got home I swear I was ready to quit the Hopeless Romantics I was so depressed after hearing how good that band was. Shit, I really thought we’d never make any headway at all – let alone be great. I was embarrassed by the thought of Irene hearing us at this point. But upon waking up Sunday morning I have decided just to bide my time til I get an electric guitar. We need a drummer which I plan to find soon. What ever happened to the Fancy Man’s Way?

October 3rd, 1976
(E)
Sunday (0/431.5) I worked all day and afterwards went to Mike’s house where Marc gave me his red shirt and I paid Marc $5 to get my pack back and Donna $1 to pay completely my phone bill. I took a short walk with my father and he energized me in my musical pursuits, as did my brothers. He built up my ego talking about Bernadette. I read Casanova’s Memoirs today. On my way home I busted out singing with feeling and I started to feel like a powerful singer. I urge myself to always sing forcibly and loudly – never softly – it was great. I started thinking that maybe I should quit the H.R.’s and try to make it on my own. I can see it now. Me with my guitar and a bass player, a piano player and a drummer and maybe a lead guitarist – all to back me up on my songs. I think if I had a real tight band behind me I could be a hit! The H.R.’s are going nowhere!

October 4th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
Monday (2/433.5) Note: Change tires! There was something about today that I liked. At practice it was all I could do to tell those guys that I am going to quit. It was one of those days they disgust me. School was a snap – I swear the classes are too easy and I feel like a genius. I drove Denise home and we had a nice long fuck up by the South City Tower in my car in the sun. I phoned Nuria 3x tonight. First time she said she couldn’t see me this week, 2nd time she was in the shower and 3x she accepted to see me Oct. 16h Saturday 8pm room 357, 2299 Piedmont, Berkeley. I made a date with Christabelle for Wednesday. I believe I’ll phone Susan for a date Friday – good luck! And my Dad and I are getting along better every day. I finally was able to have Helen receive one of my compliments tonight. So all in all it was a full day, but I must confess my adventures with Nuria are always the highlight of a moon and a sun!

October 5th, 1976
(E)(F)
“Dyna/Psych™ works!”
Tuesday (3/436.5) The H.R.’s have practiced 15 of the last 25 days. We must practice 100 – 19 = 81 hours before Oct. 28th. We started screaming today. It feels good to sing with feeling. Tonight I phoned up Susan and she was delighted to hear from me – it’s the start of a relationship – mark my word. I think I’ll probably end up wanting to marry her, mutual, but I’ll escape. We’re going to the show on Friday night 7:15pm. Silent Movie. Made a date with Denise tomorrow day. Chris tomorrow night. Worked 8 hours at Hertz. I really enjoyed it. Keeping my eye on Patti at work. I’ll probably end up screwing her. I’ve been getting the Wall Street Journal. Finished Memoirs of Casanova. Great book!! Lent it to Patti. I’ll have to buy the set from Marc. It must be one of the books in my FPL – Final Personal Library. Something better happen in the last 3 months of this year or it will have been a dud. This should be called the year of the H.R.’s (*#*!?!* group members! When are we going to get energized. I must say I feel bitchin’er than ever before in my life.

October 6th, 1976
(E)(S)(!!)
Wednesday (2/438.5) Diary, mark these words of faith. This morning, on the verge of quitting the Romantics, I said to Tom and Fred, “I will give it my all until June 1st, 1976 and if we haven’t cut a record or aren’t playing someplace, let’s forget it, but if I give it my all, if we give it our all, what do we have to fear?” Right then I decided to do everything within my power to help us, I phoned Christabelle at 10 o’clock to tell her I wouldn’t be seeing her tonight but I wanted to start seeing her again and she offered to let my group play at San Francisco State outside in front of the student union if we would publicize her skills exchange program. I accepted. It will occur towards the end of November. I intend to get John and Tony Patchela to back us up. I said or hoped that this year would be the year of entertainment, next the year of success, then finance, then adventure, then love again. I have worked hard all year for this. If this is truly to be the year of entertainment, then the next 3 months should be exciting.
Tomorrow morning before I go to practice I am going to buy 3 cigars and show them to the boys. At the end of practice I am going to hand them to them and tell them the good news. We are going to have full equipment by that time and we are gong to make a very successful showing. I am going to keep this relatively quiet. I won’t tell Dad or Mom or Marc or Mike or my other girlfriends (Besides C.T.) At least until this is a sure thing. I am going to tell the guys that I went to the exchange and won the job by the way – no pay – publicity!!!!!

October 7th, 1976
(E)(F)
Thursday (7/444.5) I am writing this on Sunday Oct. 10 waiting. So many things have happened in the last four days. For one, John has agreed to back us, for two his friend Randy has agreed to back us bass. For three, and wow! I got the electric guitar I wanted on Friday. Like I said today is Sunday and I am just going to fill the next 4 pages as a summery. I worked 12 hours today. I grossed about $75 dollars. Fred, Tom and I we’re practicing tonight. Here are some of the things I want to get done. Sketches—-

October 8th, 1976
(E)(L)
Friday (0/444.5) –-of my mansions. I have recently had some neat ideas about inland waterways surrounding my mansion that are connected to the ocean. I have a million things I want to do as usual. On Friday I picked up my Hofner, which has caused me a great deal of excitement. I am going to become famous with that guitar. It’s really neat – it’s a thin, hollow body – red electric guitar – a HOFNER. I went out with Susan tonight. We had a good time but she talks too much like a prude and I don’t have time for a prude.

October 9th, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (0/444.5) Today I saw Cappa and Clymer and we went to see The Who. I was amazed at the power running through the guitar of Peter Townsend. If I had a set-up like that I’d be 10x better than he is! Denise phoned me up and we spent the night together at Lisa’s house – Clymer arranged it. We made love and I’d like to tell of my success – ever since maybe 2 weeks ago I have forced myself to refrain from having wet dreams and touching myself or jacking off on my sheets – it takes a lot of self-restraint when—-

October 10th, 1976
(L)
[Please forgive this bullshit. Sometimes I get in a weird mood. -JS]

Sunday (4.5/449) –-I’m really horny.
I worked 12 hours at Hertz today and I made $75 – that will come in handy. Fred, Tom and I practiced tonight. The guitar is bitchin’. John’s friend the bass player has consented to play for us.

October 11th, 1976
(E)(F)
“Everything’s going my way – I’m going to be famous!”
Monday (2.5/451.5) After a good 8 hours sleep last night and good breakfast, (lunch too) I breezed through school today and practice went magnificently. 451.5 – 417.5 = 34 hours. So far – not too bad! We are sounding great. My decision to go all out until June 1st is going to be the necessary mental impetus to make us famous and moderately maybe even greatly known by that date!
Diary, I have never been more sure of myself in my life and I am growing shadily more assured every day that passes since Wednesday. I just phone Mike and he is going to let us use his amplifier until he needs it back or we give it back. I’m going over to Tom’s now. (I have a new theory of drawing thoughts from the other.) I got an A- on my Physics midterm and a C- in accounting, but I had one of the highest grades in the class on that test. School and everything else is secondary to that group but I need all those other things to sustain my status until such time as my status moves rapidly towards super-stardom.

October 12th, 1976
(P)(E)(L)(!!)
Tuesday (2/453.5) I’ve got this new idea about stopping internal dialogue. Who is always looking ahead and planning things and to start considering only the task at the present time and allowing my V/C to handle the rest. – Practice was in the afternoon. Short and not spectacular. The heat in the attic was deadening. I worked until one o’clock and I forgot to mention that I slept at Christabelle’s last night being as though she was on her period we made love twice. Christ, she is fun!!! It was rather raunchy. I am going to start making myself available to foxy chicks. I am pre-occupied with doing things intensely for the Moment instead of doing something all the time pondering your next move. If you’re thinking about the future you can’t concentrate on the present. So I am thinking about NOW. The future and past don’t really exist do they. Only NOW does!

October 13th, 1976
(L)
Wednesday (2.5/456) - 38.5. I am home now – so content to be in a warm house ready to go to bed at what is a reasonable hour. I think I have been wrong up to this point. This year is going to be better than 1975 – you’ve got to wait until January 1977 to determine that. Hey! That girl in Physics gave me a “lift to my car” today! Woo! I am going to fuck her and Nuria and Patti at work. They’re all after me. I swear the H.R.’s are starting to sound great –we’re going to the top. D and I experience 3 amorous flings this afternoon. She owes me $1 so does Hock! “Jesus Christ Super Stud” – What girl wouldn’t like to suck you off! Ha ha ha. I’m bitchin’.” My parents are entertaining this evening. I got a card from Giovanna today. Carla said “You are always in my mind and in my heart.” Carla. What a sweetie!

October 14th, 1976
(F)(E)(L)(S)(!!)
Thursday (2/458.5 – 38.5) I worked or should I say “Worked” 8 hours but I actually didn’t do anything. Practice was dismal. Dinner was great. I talked to Denise on the phone and she made me feel great. She told me that the reason she stayed with me was because I had charisma and I knew how to use it to benefit myself, and that I had a lot of personal power. I wrote 2 songs before went to bed. Unfortunately I had a wet dream in the first few hours asleep though I don’t know what about. And I had some various oddball dream before morning. All I can say is that I haven’t had a wet dream for 2 weeks but it disappoints me that my subconscious is so weak as to convince itself of such an act – I’ll just keep on trying to break my record. → A lover shouldn’t allow himself to associate anything negative unpleasant or mundane to the forces of love. I think our culture has drifted away from the concept and truth about loving. Also – why do I find myself worrying about sex. Sex is an expression – not a performance. 1130

October 15th, 1976
(F)(L)(S)
Friday (.5/459 -39) Theory: For every physical good I own I should owe some entity an equivalent dollar amount.
I came across an interesting fact today – The dream I deemed oddball in yesterdays entry seemed to be cryptic and has come to make some sense. Somebody in the dream was telling me something and now I’d like to say what it is. Tonight I think I discovered a solution. When I make love I am able to enjoy it extremely when I concentrate on my pleasure – the pleasure of my penis getting hard – sexuality is the expression of the mind through the body. I should want to give myself to a girl – to let her enjoy my penis. It is the focal point of the mater. From now on I won’t feel ashamed to admit the most divine of pleasures – my own sensation. Women is the vehicle with which to work. Today Kermit said he’d play bass for us. Made love to Denise twice. Saw Debbie. A- on Economics test. Saw Gram. Feeling like a great lover!

October 16th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)
Saturday (459) Today I woke late for work. I am going to bed late for tomorrow morning but I don’t care. You see, I am striving after a certain thing – at this time it is the success of my group. All the little things become inconsequential and inherently in the pursuit of great task there are no small problems. I don’t worry about little things. I phoned Nuria. I am to drive her to Berkeley tomorrow evening at 7. I am to meet Denise at 5am – the earliest date I have ever had. I was shocked when Patti at work invited me to have a beer with her after work today. I ended up having a beer with her after work and then 4 more. Jesus I am wasted now! I want to see Nuria very badly. I dropped the tape by for Kermit.

October 17th, 1976
(L)(S)
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on before a date.”
Sunday (459) Long day! Eight hours work! Patti said she’d treat me to a beer after work so I went. She likes me. I met Denise at 5am at the Rolling Pin and we made love in her Dad’s car. She treated me to a donut. This was the Earliest date of my life. 5am! Then work, Patti, home for dinner – then I brought Nuria to Berkeley. She grabbed my hand on our walk. I pulled her to me – “Jeff, I’ll never forget the way you touch me. You are so sensitive! – You can come to Berkley next year – my roommate is supposed to be leaving on weekends.” We had few little kisses. She’s mine. Girls think I’m so sunny! Well, I don’t work for the rest of the week . Remember – The philosopher’s stone was once described as “Contentment with our lot.” I am in constant search for excitement. I am always trying to find good things and improvement in myself –and I must say I can see it is paying off. My life is getting better in every way. God – I pray – help my musical career!

October 18th, 1976
(S)(L)
“Today was a classic.”
Monday (3.5/462.4 – 42.5) “I love being here on this planet. I am excited by my own life!” Today I took life by the horns. I feel I am responsible for the outcome of the H.R.’s! Before school I changed all the tires on my car. Went to school. Had muffler welded – did H.W. – got smog extension – washed car – and I fired that “clunk” – figuring out the source of a problem is 9/10ths of the way to solving it. Recognizing that there is a problem is part of the solution. Hock phoned and wanted me to come down. Denise phoned – Marie phoned and Patti from work phoned. I was so excited! I said – “Do you want to meet me some place tonight.” I am seeing her at 3pm at the Bit of England tomorrow. The H.R’s are playing on Nov. 23rd on a stage at 12 noon at S.F. State! We will succeed yet! I wrote to K-101 signing up for the audition.

October 19th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (4.5/467-47) (1:30 a.m. Remember that too early is better than too late rule.) Today – bought shoelaces – went to Kermit’s – he said. “I liked the tape – I’ll most likely be able to supply you guys with all the equipment you need for this thing.” Hock and I practiced on. Today – Love is For Fools – Cool Way of Life and For the Rest of My Life. I had 2 beers at Bit of England with Patty. Ate with Helen. Saw Denise – made love twice – 2 variations. Came home and studied until 3:30 a.m. for my Statistics Midterm in the morning. Everything’s bitchin’. Phoned Nuria. “Hello.” “Nuria, you’ll probably want to hang up the phone but I have got to ask you a question.
1) “Is it possible and
2) If possible when – Can I spend the night?”

“I can’t answer that cause I don’t know if and when my roommate will leave on a weekend.” → Just then her roommate walks in – So we arranged that tomorrow at 4:30 pm I will phone her on the subject of sleeping with her. She sounded pretty excited – I am feeling more powerful every day.

October 20th, 1976
(L)(F)
“I am glad I went for it with Nuria!”
Wednesday (2/464-44) I don’t know today could’ve been better – one great thing happened. I feel totally confident that I aced my Business Statistic’s Midterm. Since I didn’t get to bed til 3:30 a.m. last night I am dreadfully out of sorts – and in love. I think I must be madly in love – and angry – and slightly, yes in all my greatness – confused. There is only one remedy – read all the love letters sent to me. When I phoned Nuria today she wasn’t there and her roommate answered the phone!!! I was appalled – shocked. How could she???? If it’s the last thing I do I swear I’m going to poke Nuria – 15x before the month is out I say. I’ve phone 6 times since and no answer – sometimes forgiving, sometimes pissed off. I finally hit on the answer and it goes like this: “Nuria, did I blow it! I’m sorry. Please teach me how to do the right thing. Was I wrong in wanting to sleep with you?” I can’t sleep. I feel so restless! Love is so fun. Woe is me. I hope things go right tomorrow. I’ve got to have a sense of humor about myself!!!

October 21st, 1976
(E)(F)
Thursday (8/477 - 57) Well, some days you’re bitchin’ and other day’s you’re bitchin’! I’m bitchin’! Today was great – wrote about two new songs and had a hell of a practice. I am going to be super famous. Tom and Fred were talking about within 10 years, 15 platinum albums. Hu-ba-da- hey! I’ve got a plan for a PA and I am so sure that it will work that I know we’ll have a PA within a week. No 1, tomorrow I am going to find a PA for sale for, say $450! Then I’m going to tell the guy to hold it because we are going to have the money for him in a week. Then it is up to each man to scrounge up $150. That shouldn’t be too hard. Godfrey!!! My guitar is bitchin’. Hock was rockin’ out tonight. He is getting great. Fred too! I can’t wait because the time is approaching — RAPIDLY!!!!

October 22nd, 1976
(E)(F)
1030 Friday (1/478-58) Today – well, since I’m writing this on Saturday night let me speak of these two days collectively –
1) I figured that in order for the strings on my guitar to be in tune with each other they had to be in tune to themselves – so I adjusted my bridge nuts and tuned them according to harmonies and low and behold it is in perfect pitch!
2) I figured that I need a high ‘E’ string on my guitar to prevent it form breaking when I tune it to an F#.
3) I really think I am going to tell Fred that he has to play bass and he has to get a bass and a bass amp before the concert or I am kicking him out of the group.
4) I decided on the last set of 3 songs. Sleezy Charm – 2 Years Ago and Rained Upon –
5) I adjusted my strap and it fits real tight but that way I am in closer tune with the guitar – I had the best paper in my Statistics Midterm – 100%–

October 23rd, 1976
(F)(L)(E)
Saturday (1/479-59) –-and a 10/10 on my accounting quiz. I went out with Denise Fri night – made love once, 1 variation and we got drunk. I was late to work on Saturday and I am scheduled Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday also. Patti invited me for a drink at Peabody’s after work. We get a long so god damned well!! I began reading Vol II of Casa Nova’s Memoirs. My guitar is completely paid off and the only debt I have is to Denise for $120. Tomorrow Denise is taking me to a hotel for the night. I’d like to pick a nice place somewhere unusual!! I’ve got an electric blanket on my bed now!! It’s starting to get cold lately. I hope I am on time for work tomorrow. We’re getting a PA by next Thursday. I found a hubcap for my car today to replace the missing one. I swear I must be one of the luckiest kids on earth every thing that I need comes to me! You know, I’m thinking maybe Patti is the blonde that I was supposed to meet on February 19th.

October 24th, 1976
(L)(F)
Sunday - I worked at Hertz from 7 to 3 during which time Patti looked at me with a smile and said, “Wanna get loaded after work with me?” to which I unfortunately had to reply No to and despite the fact she would’ve denied her coldness during the rest of the day, I could tell it’s because she was disappointed. I picked up Denise and we cruised happily down to the Hotel Avalon and had wine with our pork chop dinner that Denise had prepared - afterwards we went to the store and bought a couple of goodies and went back and had more wine and made love and ate our chocolate éclairs and watched Captain Nemo on TV’s Disney – fell asleep.

October 25th, 1976
(E)(F)
Monday (2/481-61) Tonight I organized all the equipment for our group and dragged Fred away from Penny and told him that I wanted him to play bass and he said, “no!” and to that I replied that if he was saying no to bass that he wasn’t going to be playing lead either – which shocked him and I held my ground. We decided tonight that we are going to go into a PA system on Wednesday afternoon and buy one or anything to get a hold of it – which, dear reader, if you have at all followed my diary this year, you must admit is a large step for the H.R.’s – and my life – upward. The new attitude I’ve taken on is not to practice too heavily for anything anymore. I believe it must be like school is to me, and in school I always do well when I put a minimal amount of effort to it – in this mindset, you always stay fresh. – I went out after I confronted Fred with the problem playing bass and we got smashed. We reviled in the confidence of our success and words have seldom flowed freely between two friends – and laughter!!!]

October 26th, 1976
(E)(S)
Tuesday (0/481-61) Today was centered around the humdrum existence of work – from noon to eight. I was exhausted when I got home and I almost immediately fell asleep upon arriving home, but I luckily took my own advice and put 2 Niacin pills in my mouth which is great if taken in small quantities – I could feel it all that night and the plan is to consume 2 pills one day every month. It makes your moods monumental. In the morning I packed all of the H.R. equipment in my car and hauled it back to my house and stacked it up. All day long I read about Casanova – the second volume seems, so far, to deal with so much of the non-love, part of his adventure, which I, nevertheless, find intriguing. I vow not to make the same mistakes that he did – he was cool but lived too unorganized a life! I adjusted my guitar.

October 27th, 1976
(S)
Wednesday (0/481-61) Today, in comparison with yesterday, and in comparisons to any day was a day to be remembered – an order for LIFE is to take 2 Niacin tablets once every month! Today I felt invigorated in every since of the word. My attitude is changing so drastically. I am denying all my weaknesses of the past – denying to myself that I ever had any and likewise to the world. I am letting myself soar “Like Birds, on High.”

October 28th, 1976
(E)(L)
Thursday (0/481/61) Yesterday, after being talked to on the subject it quite profusely, Fred said he’d give bass a try. We’ll get to that essential change yet. In 4 days, Sunday I am going to fill in these pages – after I have, achieved a 4 day span with more good things happening then ever before in my life – girls, music, friends, money, school success, adventure, etc. I am sitting here on Sunday night eating salt-water taffy that was left over from Halloween. Tom and Barbara just left- Tom and I practice over our sets – Barbara seemed favorably impressed. I almost have a sore stomach because this guy Rick Rosen at work brought me a Woody Allen book that we were laughing at all day. Last night Denise and I had one of our best dates ever. I spent on a bottle of Green Hungarian and we drove around the city. After we had had our first two glasses, sitting in the car outside. Pier 26 I knelt down on the floor of the car and–-

October 29th, 1976
(L)
Friday (0/481) –-I pulled off her nylons and panties and threw a jacket over my head and her legs. My tongue slid up the soft flesh of her outer lips then in between the opening crack. I nibbled at her clitoris and put my tongue all the way inside her. I slid my thumb in her crotch and licked her hot flesh repeatedly. She undid my pants and pulled my up and into her. Our rhythmic motions were ecstasy and we fell over, me holding her in my arms, kissing her lips, I made no attempt to stop my building excitement and ejaculated inside her in a fervor of pleasure. We tried get into Dance You’re Ass Off Inc. but she was too young. We walked around Fisherman’s Wharf and I had a coffee and cognac – again she was under age and had to have coffee only. On the way home I pulled into Marina Greens and again–

October 30th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
“Gold Record. $1 Million seller by June 1977 with H.R.’s.”
Saturday – I chowed on her soft pussy. She again pulled me up and again it was not long before I came into her. If I had not been tired I could have made love more and more all night. I have come to the conclusion, and rightfully so, that one should come as nature deems it – for to prolong such a feeling is unwise – after all it does not take long before you can enter into a females body again – you can go many times and with the thought of coming in her it will always be exciting. On Friday Tom, Fred and I (excuse me, on Thursday) put down $150.00 of Hockrdige’s money on a “Shreve Voice Mastery Public Address System.” On Friday I borrowed $182.50 from my grandmother and on Saturday Tom gave him $200. (I had given the guy the $182.50 on Friday) and Tom, 200.

October 31st, 1976
(F)(S)
Halloween Sunday (3/484) Fred and I walked out with a PA. I arranged my room and it is sitting here right now. On Friday morning I phoned up my grandmother, “Gram, can I borrow $107.59 and she said sure. I ate dinner with her and had a nice evening. I worked from 7-3 on Saturday. Nuria never phoned me – I temporarily here by forget that girl. It was incredible while it lasted and someday I know she’ll make love to me but I can’t worry about her now and I shouldn’t phone her anymore because my parents are getting down on me for my long distance phone calls. I am going to try to do the following.
1) Speak well of others.
2) Be more generous.
3) Try not to get defensive when someone criticizes me. I am going to be one of the greatest lovers the world has ever known. Women are divine. 1215

November 1st, 1976
(F)(L)
“Tom working hard for H.R.’s.”
Monday (3/487) I am filling in the next three pages on Thursday morning. My memory at the particular Moment is hazy as to what occurred the 1st.
Dear Reader please excuse me for going backwards, but I am going to start with the 3rd here. I went to school and aced a Statistics Quiz even though I didn’t study for it until I got to class. It was cake. Duck soup! I went out with Danielle and all I can say is that it was so fun I am almost afraid because that little girl is turning me on like she never has before. I made a point of going down on her and then she on me and then we made love, and she was juiced. She must’ve come. It was super, excellent, fantastic! We finished off a bottle of Ruby Cabernet and by God it was delicious. I got home and Helen had a great pork chop—-

November 2nd, 1976
(E)(F)
“Need place to practice.”
Tuesday (1.5/488.5) -–dinner awaiting for me in the oven. I phoned Hock, and him and Fred were there and had been waiting for me to show up but Penny and Diane had come over so they didn’t want to see me anymore – understandable. Fred’s SG is fixed and apparently he is going to get a Luein Reverb tomorrow which means if he does that the H.R.’s are going to have all the bass equipment we’ve dreamed of having for so long. I have acquired 180 + 175 + 150 of equipment, plus another 50 in mic’s which make a total of $555 of equipment in the last few months, which is pretty bitchin’ as far as assets go. On Tuesday I woke at Hock’s and we ran to the Ramada Inn and then took a dip in their ice-cold pool – then ran back to his house and I went to work. After work I got home where I conked—-

November 3rd, 1976
(E)
“Fred’s getting the MP tomorrow.”
Wednesday (0/488.5) –out after eating dinner. I forget which night it was – oh yes. Monday night – hell. I forget. Well Tom and I practiced on Monday night and we did a lot of talking. He had been out working all day long for the cause of the H.R.’s – and it was – I forget the night – when Barbara and Tom came up to my house. Maybe Sunday night. Yes! And we played our songs out in my car and she acted so thoroughly impressed. The days are really going quite well. I took a look at the Barbary Coast and it is truly bitchin’. I can’t wait. 1st thing for the H.R.’s to do now is to get a place to practice. Tom’s Dad might be able to get us a place to play but it is not certain. I am starting to feel so good about myself that life is becoming truly enjoyable for the first time!

November 4th, 1976
(F)(E)
Thursday (5/493.5) In the morning I hauled all of our P.A. system to Tom’s house and we cleaned his room and organized it all off in a corner. In the afternoon I went to get my paycheck - $116.75 and I sent Gram $36.50, which brings my debt to her to $146.00 I sent $83.25 to the Florida First National to bring my savings to $690 plus $10 at B of A bring my personal savings to $700! In the afternoon Fred, Tom and I tested our P.A. system for the first time and it sounded a little flat until I gave it some reverb at which point it started performing well. I ate at Tom’s house and I’d like to say that after dinner, we wrote an exquisite song called “Why They Needed Each Other.” I must admit Tom and I have a lot of desperation about our music. We are desperately looking for a place to practice.

November 5th, 1976
(E)(F)
“Things are coming along Great!”
Friday (3/496.5) Things are coming along great. Today Fred bought an amp and a pedal switcher for my guitar and be bought a microphone stand. He spend $532.00 – that’s pretty bitchin’! So now we have our equipment – a PA system, 2 electric guitars, 2 classical guitars and 3 microphones with stands, 2 amplifiers – that’s some progress over a month ago. I took out my classical guitar (tomorrow) and it sounded so good – it got me thinking. I am going to get a pre-amp for it and see if I can’t fit it into our act! It’s a good-looking guitar. Taylor came home tonight and him, Tom and I got blitzed! We bought a gallon of wine for $1.64 and boy did we get high! I found out today that our concert at San Francisco State is going to be announced on all the local radio stations. I am considering a party at the Foster City Rec. would be a good practice – a trial run for State!

November 6th, 1976
(S)(!!)
Saturday (0/496.5) Boy, what a lapse. I must be turning into an old fogey, bum – lazy old man. Wake up Jeff Shea and breathe – there is life out there – more than even you could singularly possess – you should want your fill – why I’d say your running at about 1% capacity! Ha Ha Ha Ha! And what is the matter. You’re 21. You’re afraid my boy. Too afraid to take a bite from life’s sweet fruit. You’re thinking too much about defeat in too many areas! That’s right! Well act it out. And cut out your own future too. I can see your friends gradually falling by the wayside. This is your spirit speaking and I say it is time to speak your open your mind. Don’t be afraid – you will be way too busy to let anything get in your way. Fight for your life. I will protect you. And I am invincible – Sincerely, your Spirit.

November 7th, 1976
(F)
Sunday (0/496.5) And this is your mind – What! That’s right and I am here to speak to you of money. Finances – to guide you. No – don’t be afraid to save as much as you can but yet, don’t let your life suffer by it. Always put some amount of money from each monetary gain into the bank. Anything – even if it is only $3.00 – because you know as well as I do that those little amounts add up – and quickly. Next step is what to do with the rest – 50% or everything that $30 should be used to pay off your immediate bills. You should allow yourself so much for pleasure and, gas, etc. Each week and no more! Everything else should be used to further your exploits! 2 items – your father is wrong about it being good to be in debt! Don’t get into debt at all – 2 – if Denise doesn’t like your cheapness. Drop her – it shows how cheap she is.

November 8th, 1976
(E)(S)
“Pick up Marty.”
Monday (5/504.5) This is your heart speaking, your emotions that is – the thing that wants your career to begin in music- woe to anyone who doesn’t believe in it – cause I am going to the top for now and ever more – No 1 make goals – this week warehouse – next week bass and drums – go man go – keep tabs – in the cash book. Jeff, the only thing I ask you is to believe. I know it takes great belief – Belief that seems at times to have no basis. Well – believe me – it’s gonna happen – what is left? Well – no. You have got to get a full group and practice place. Start doing more H.R. Work – that’s all – psyche up your partners – never talk negatively about anything – negativeness can be equated to self-doubt. Erase the misconceptions from your mind. Believe. Go after entertainment as if the day is today and the goal is just within your reach.

November 9th, 1976
(A)(S)
Tuesday (0/504.5) This is your adventurous physical self speaking! – Jeff, someday you will have traveled all over the world –going to every country. Some of the trips which you can look forward to are –
1) A trip in the spring with Nuria to Yosemite or some other bitchin’ place
2) A trip to Florida with the H.R.’s
3) A trip to Europe with the H.R.’s
4) A trip to the middle east with the H.R.’s
5) A trip round the world for 3 years starting in May of 1984 – ha!

An appropriate date. What’s that book 1984. I might mention that although a trip at this time is not wanted, you should visit Bernadette and Carla and Fausto. Keep track of all foreign and far away friends. Keep your contact out there in the world and secondly, it would be a good idea to start getting in shape for H.R. – running, weights, good diet, swimming – NOW!

November 10th, 1976
(L)(S)
Wednesday (3/507.5) And lastly, Jeff, this is your sexual aspect speaking and I’d like to sincerely congratulate you on your sexual bitchiness – first of all I’d like to congratulate you on your making that list in the “Cash” book for all exploits after Nov. 6th, 1976 which shall be your starting date for the sexual calendar year. I’d like to compliment you on your progress with your lovemaking, with your confidence in the knowledge that if you ever had good vibes from a chick and they are not now turning on to you it is only because you haven’t seen them enough or they think there is something you find at fault with them or you said something to hurt their fragile feelings. Old Willy Shakespeare summed it up when he said – Frailty – thy name is woman. And of course – Nuria is in thy palm of thy hand! Reason I say that is because I think she likes you!!

November 11th, 1976
(L)(E)(S)
“Tonight I phoned Nuria and I said, “Can I see you tomorrow night” and she said she was busy, but she said, “You can see me on Sunday.” It’ll be at 7pm.
Thursday (4/511.5) Well, here I arrive at Thursday. I filled up the lat five pages without telling you what I have been doing – well first screwing Denise and Christabelle – playing music – school – work – friends good times. God things are happening to me and to the H.R.’s – we are sounding “fantastic” quote from Denise, on our electric guitars. I mean I am even impressed. Today I learned we may have a professional drummer and bass to back us up for our concert. It’d be nice for them to have incentive to stay with us. Denise and I are getting along tops, I got paid today. I have finally realized the full value of Karbo’s statement about conditioning – we get habits of success – applying this to my bad habit of worrying – it isn’t the things I worry about, that is the problem – it’s the worrying. So when I start worrying. I can trick the problem by conditioning myself by having a good time instead.

November 12th, 1976
(F)(E)(L)
Friday (.5/512) School in the morning – I didn’t get my physics midterm back. I copied Accounting homework from the girl behind me. I got 9/10 on an Economics quiz. I got a 10/10 on my Statistics midterm. After school I sent Gram a check for $36.80 and one to my Florida bank account for $21.56 bringing my total there to $711.56. I am a bit concerned because I didn’t get my passbook back yet. The H.R. practice was a catastrophe. Hock put his fist through a wall Moments after we began to play and my good brother, Mike, came and fixed it. I went out with Denise and we parked behind the Hoover School and made love – 1 variation – it was Marvelous – the best sex I have had in a month. Me and Denise sure do get along well. We are the best of friends which is more important than the fact we’re the best of lovers.

November 13th, 1976
(E)
Saturday (4/516) Fred and I got a lot done today. I finally figured out our “sweet formula” – whenever we get together and have our secret brainstorms it is because we are both playing complimentary guitar parts simultaneously. We put together a riff in “News is Reason” and I thought of that – so we put together a riff for Cool Way of Life. It sounds great. I only wish that we have enough time to polish ourselves before state S.F. Rob Hall called me up and invited me out to dinner with his sister and her friend, under the condition that he pay for everything. Despite the fact that I had to be at work at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning I conceded and I had a fabulous Prime Rib dinner at Gulliver’s with great creamed corn and mushroom soup and two gigantic Tanqueray and Tonics.

November 14th, 1976
(L)
Sunday (0/516) Slept through my eight hour shift and came home and slept and I was debating whether to see Nuria when reading Casanova’s Memoirs convinced me I should go – despite the cold I am developing. I was determined to have physical contact with her. I accompanied her while she ate dinner and in her room afterwards she said she didn’t want to give me her tonsillitis by kissing my lips but I could kiss her breasts – so she pulled up her sweater and we rolled around on her bed for about an hour until her roommate surprised us. We jumped and bumped but kept our pants on. She kept telling me what a “sexy man” I was and generally building my ego sky-high. She really, really digs me. Our hands were all over the place. She said that during Christmas her room will be empty.

November 15th, 1976
(E)
“Everyday I become more daring with my potential to do!”
Monday (8/524) Tip – to get a pen writing simply put a flame to its tip. I was disappointed today to discover I had gotten only a B on my physics exam. After school Fred and I practiced. Along about 6 o’clock Penny and her friend Gail came over with a six pack of beer and two patty-melts – one for each of us. Tom came by a little later on and then finally Hal showed up. Fred and I covered Energy and Love Is For Gods, Cool Way of Life and There’s No Reason – but most of all we revolutionized the hit – bound “The World We Both Knew” by an innovative, profound and pretty intro-exit. We bought another 6-pack and talked until maybe two o’clock in the morning. Tom and I slept at his house.

November 16th, 1976
(E)(S)(L)
“Today was the most successful and exciting day for the Hopeless Romantics.”
Tuesday (0/524) Success is generally due to the knowledge of acquisition of power and the inclination to apply it to a specific purpose. As Joe Karbo put it – “the 2nd requirement for success (The first is choosing a specific detailed destination) is the ability to use effectively whatever assets you have.”
Today Tom and I got privileges for 5 people to use McKinley, Burlingame. Intermediate and Taylor International from 5 -10pm. Friday, Monday and Wednesday respectively at least through March 5th, 1977! Denise and I made love, 2 variations, it should be rated about an excellent. It was very sexy. Terry Smith phoned my house today to tell me the K-101 audition is on Tuesday – a week from today. I phoned Rob Hall to get a hold of the drummer (And bass player too) – he said he’ll talk to them tomorrow. Miss Jovalas told me to give our tape to Bob Turner and he might give us the Crafts Fair days to play on. Friday and Monday will be practice before K-101. It’s come just in time.

November 17th, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (2/526) A feeling is beginning to overwhelm me – one of those warm glows of success seemingly emanating from within the deepest and most powerful recesses of my subconscious. A successful mind is fluid, clear free – a feeling of almost blank alertness – yes blank – no hindering thoughts. → I spent the morning doing homework. I gave Denise a ride home and she bought me some fish and chips. Fred and I decided to do; It’s You I Love and The World We Both Knew – though we would have liked to do Energy too. Perhaps we can fit it in. I am speaking of the K101 audition. I didn’t get a hold of the drummer Ron Fazzio today or Terry Smith and my passbook didn’t come in the mail.
I had one of those girlie dreams tonight –you’ll never guess who it was about – Debbie. I dreamt she was kissing me and started taking all her clothes off and I suggested we go to a hotel. I woke up before we got there – but upon waking up and thinking about it I pictured in my minds eye quite vividly what it would be like to make love to her. It is a very exciting thought. After a very intense dream it seems a very real possibility upon awakening – I would if I could and perhaps someday I’ll try to crate love between us. You never know what happens in love. Stranger things have happened. - JS

November 18th, 1976
(E)(F)
Thursday (0/526) I talked to Terry Smith today on the telephone. He said, “So you’re the Romantics?” – “Yes.” – “What is your sound like?” – “The Beatles!” – “Really.” – “Yes.” “Then it’s not acid rock, just good old rock and roll?” “That’s right!” “Good, we’re looking for something commercial and it sounds like that will fill the ticket.” I got my passbook today – balance $711.56. I deposited $17.00 in B of A – balance $27.00. I couldn’t be happier. The drummer, Ron Fazzio is supposed to be ready, but we can’t seem to get in touch with each other. Tomorrow we are practicing in our auditorium for the first time. It’s true what I said – keep your brain still – react to it (careful now). I’ve been visualizing very vividly. You’ve got to think success so hard that you transport yourself there.

November 19th, 1976
(S)(F)(E)
Friday (5/531) Woe is me! When am I going to learn to be smooth as cream with people? I seem to have a habit of aggravating people no end. They say, after luck, personality is the next essential to success. Enough! I paid Gram $36.50 more today. I saw Mom and Vic. I talked to Ron Fazzio and he sounds ideal and willing to give it a whirl. Went to school. Practice was medium-good. The P.A. is unsatisfactory and we will most likely trade it in on something else by next week. I am very anxious and depressed today. I have got to maintain my present (and lately) state of supreme confidence and personal power.

November 20th, 1976
Saturday (0/531) I worked form 7 to 2. I went over to Tom’s after work only to find that Ron Fazzio had phoned and said he couldn’t make it because the bass player was out of town. Hock and I went in search of the last doobee and got stoned to the bone. I went home and had a steak dinner and Denise called and we went out and made love twice. We went to see Murder by Death and it was a real crappy movie – or either that or I was just too tired. I went home and went to sleep. I wish that the H.R.’s didn’t have to work on anything and we could just devote our time to our music – in that way we would make it. I guess its true that the musician notices his mistakes the most and then the critics and then the public. But I have found it’s true that everyone is a critic. I sure wish I could fall in love with some fox.

November 21st, 1976
(E)(S)
Sunday (3/534) I worked from noon to 8 with Rick Rosen and we had a fairly good time. After work Hockridge came to my house and we went to my car and practiced – a discussion ensued in which we decided that we would like to institute a ½ hour discussion immediately following setting up after getting to practice places. We want this because we have found that we play together better when we are “collectively confident.” If any single person is down it brings the whole group down. We were taking about how we will make it and that we only have to keep trying and no one can stop us except ourselves – failure can only be attained if we quit. In general we wanted to gain the feeling of being a group. You’ll see that tomorrow our little discussion paid off because we were really much more on the ball. We institute a bow after our songs.

November 22
(E)(L)
Monday (4/538) As an obligation to myself, I was asked to write down the following by myself last night:
1) Whenever women who know me, see me with my friends they seem to come away attracted sexually to me
2) When girls hear and see you perform, they seem to become attracted.
Donna made me an omelet after practice and called me cute. She said, “I like cooking for you.” I said, “Anytime.” She said – “But there are other things I like to do that have to do with it.” I said. “That could be arranged.” She said. – “That sounds interesting.” Denise was there.
Practice was a hoot tonight. We were dancing and singing around – it was a lot of fun. We got Energy down pretty good. We started by running down the aisle in great humor and be-bopping all over the stage “movement is the key.” – says Hockridge. I was kind of proud of us. Surprisingly the PA was working well. I had it up to 6 master/10 inch individual. Midterm was in economics today.
November 23rd, 1976
(E)(L)
“Tonight we got our Hopeless Romantics T-Shirts.”
Tuesday (2/540) We will have a major accomplishment happen in two months. The audition was fairly good – it had very promising signs – for one Terry Smith wanted to know how old we were. They asked us to come back and audition with a full band next Tuesday or Wednesday night. The only reason he would want to know this is because he may think we have talent. He seemed interested. After we were done they all apparently conversed more than after any other set. I phoned Ron – he said he’d make it for next week. Oh God – I hope – Oh Jeff I hope that they are not dissatisfied with our sound. But rather take an immediate spiritual tie to it. Comment: Sex is only good with love. Love must be there. I’ve got an accounting midterm tomorrow – oh no what am I doing, it’s 330.

November 24th, 1976
(F)(E)
Wednesday (0/540) Another big day and every day is getting better. I wake up with a happy mental framework, excited with the thought of the days work ahead of me. I woke early today after 4 hours or rest. My accounting final wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got an A on a Statistics quiz. Taylor’s school said we couldn’t use their school, so Fred and I went to Crocker and Fred got it arranged with his old principle to use their school. We all went out and got high with Clymer. – what a fun night! What five friends and brothers we are! We all got terribly stoned off one joint I slept at Hockridge’s after munching on steak sandwich, 2 pieces of bunt cake and a bowl of ice cream and a glass of milk. The most inspiring Moment of the night was when we were all in Fred’s car watching the planes take off at the Airport and Hockridge pointed to a plane revving it’s engines ready for take off. He said, “I’m on that plane.” And I said the same as the plane got up it’s speed and sailed off into the night sky. They Symbol: The H.R.’S taking off.

November 25th, 1976
(L)
Thanksgiving (0/540) I have just made the decision that tomorrow night I shall attend that big party with Nuria – I shall sell her on the idea and accomplish it, at the same time dazzling people and gaining the respect of my friends, and Nuria’s affections in a way I have not yet received – she will become my lover. Denise said tonight, “Go find another girl, if you want to!” I said, “I will.” And I am going to. Each day I do become more effective. I feel powerful today. Thanksgiving dinner at Gram’s was great. I went over as the hit of the party. Everybody loves me. Cookie Branch really has turned on to me – tonight she made a mock date with me, but I know she’d actually love to. Mark my words – she said the most aggressive man will get her.

November 26th, 1976
(S)(F)(L)
Friday (0/540) The instinct of women teaches them greater secrets than all the philosophy and research of men. –G.C.
“Never answer anyone in the nighttime.”
“Arriving at leisure and departing in haste seems henceforth to be the traveler’s motto.” AM – from G.C.
I got my check today from Hertz $64.52 and I sent Grams her next to last payment and $6.49 to Florida to make my net deposits at banks $745.00. Denise took me for a ride in the hills of Burlingame where we made it once. Then we went to for an ice cream. At night we went to a party and I got very high, but I don’t like smoking because it ruins my voice. A lot of people were interested in the H.R.’s. Hock met some girl – almost 2 and may I say it is bothering me that last year I made it with foxy new babes and this year only one – Nuria. I am really slacking off. But I feel confident all the end of the year things will happen.

November 27th, 1976
(E)(L)
Saturday (1/541) Every day gets better. You know, I have never felt better in my life than I do right now. For days on end I have been happy but today tops them all off. I just took a walk under the stars before coming home, which is something I ought to do every night. The H.R.’s are experiencing acceptance. We played 7 or 8 songs for our close friends tonight and they appeared to be enjoying themselves. It’s only a matter of time. I need a new lover. I made love with 1 variation to Denise today and I need a different lover soon. Come to me! The real test now takes place – will the drummer and bass player make it and will we pass the audition. This could be it. Let us hope so, look at the stars. I am going to make paradise on earth.

November 28th, 1976
(S)(E)(L)
Sunday (3/544) Relativity! There was a young lady named Bright – who traveled much faster than light. She departed one day, in an Einsteinian Way and returned on the pervious night!!!
So once again I sign off feeling exquisite, confident, like a winner after a leisurely days work well done. My Dad and I fixed my tail pipe. Hock and I wrote a song. Fred came by and we talked. Denise phoned four times and I felt totally cold to her for the first time – I don’t know – but I told her I didn’t want to see her.
Reader, it felt awfully good. I feel so turned on to life – so utterly confident in the slightest chore. I never succumb to feelings of tiredness or bad attitudes for anything. My friend Fred is great in that respect. He has the most positive attitude of anyone I’ve ever met.

November 29th, 1976
(L)(E)
Monday (5/549) I don’t find it excusable to slack off in love because I am devoting myself to music. From now to the end of the year I am going to see how many chicks I can get! Fuck, may I say I wasn’t only talking. I wrote the above sentence last night and I went over to Juanita’s house after practice tonight and by 4 a.m. I talked her into letting me sleep with her under the condition that I wouldn’t fuck her I ate her out and we rolled around. She came. Jesus that girls comes! Then she jacked me off and I didn’t sleep until about 5:15am. Practice went very very well. We are getting tight. Too bad Ron didn’t show up. We could be in trouble about the audition and about S.F. State. Well – I guess I’ll have to do something about that, because things don’t seem to be clicking by themselves! Boy, it was fun in bed with J!

November 30th, 1976
(E)
Tuesday (4.5/553.5) Hold on! After a day that seemed to be fruitless, one phone call changed the direction and everything stated moving. I phoned Terry Smith (From K101) to tell him we could not get the bass player and drummer for the audition. But he encouraged me to bring John and said we were already penciled into the show. I was elated. I asked John and he said we could practice in the evening and go up there tonight. Fred and Tom arrived (I was at Tom’s house). Fred and I went to his house where I took a shower and ate. When we got back to Tom’s, John told me the bass player was going to come. (Surprise!) Tom Pershing arrived – all five of us practiced Energy and When I Tell You I love You, they picked it up fast.
We went to the Theatre Babes scoped us out. Terry told us to go on. It went off fine. We were the last act. After Energy, which was way hot, they told us to play the first verse again and to turn up my guitar. I was pleased with the whole thing. I felt elated – incredibly elated. I hope we are in the show, though my confidence tells me we are definitely in. What was most important was the fulfilling of a dream - that is to play with a full group – and it lived up to my expectations.

December 1st, 1976
(E)(L)
Wednesday (0/553.5) I went to school in the morning and after school I came home and studied, which was nice for a change. Dinnertime came, at which time my father expressed a whole change in attitude about my group, and we agree and agreed and he turned me on to some invaluable ideas about how we could milk the K101 thing for all it was worth. He suggested planting girls in the audience, etc. I phoned up Denise and she picked me up and we went to Tom’s. In case the reader hasn’t noticed, we haven’t been seeing each other, as much, which is a relief to me. I’d like to also point out that I’ve finally figured out a very important point which relates to being dynamic. It is inherent in humans to be deluged by negative thoughts. The only cure I’ve found for this it to totally ignore those thoughts, no matter how much they bother you, and treat them like they don’t even exist. I’ve been in the process of writing a bitchin’ song the last 2 days.

December 2nd, 1976
(F)(E)
Thursday (2.5/556) I did some homework in the morning after 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and 25 knee bends. (since I seem to be gaining a bit of weight.) and a French toast breakfast. I got my paycheck and sent gram my last installment of $36.50 so I don’t owe her anything anymore. I also send $9.50 to Florida, bringing my total bank deposits up to $754.50. Fred and I drove around and at 5pm picked Tom up. We talked to John about playing for us at State (which is exactly what I want!) and at 1:25 he said no, because, “I don’t want to learn a whole set to play it once.” So we told him we have State, K101 and Foster City in a row and, “If we make any money you’re guaranteed to play with us!” So he said he’d do it and try to get Jim to do it. After I went home for dinner I came back and Tom and I wrote one of the best songs in the second book. Fred added a good line. It’s funny (and great!) how everything is turning out exactly as I’d have it.

December 3rd, 1976
(F)(E)
Friday (4/560) At school I did quite well on a quiz in economics and I handed in my accounting homework on time. We practiced at McKinely but it was noticeably missing the essentials of a bass and drum. After practice we all got high together. At 2:15am Tom and I munched out at his house and I slept over due to how loaded I was. I’d like to talk about the H.R. situation. We need a permanent bass player and drummer. Fred has declined to play bass, so I should make a change in my plans. I guess we need 2 people. We are trying to see if John would work out. I see nothing wrong with that. We are trying to get John and Jim for next week at State. Once we get permanent people we can move upward. My choices are John (Or Jim) and John Hockridge. But we do need someone who does this to our music and immediately says – yes, that sounds like bitchin’ music which John supposedly did.

December 4th, 1976
(L)(E)
Saturday (0/560) Today “was the kind of day that makes people fall in love.” I had more fun today then I have had in a very long time. Denise picked me up and we drove to Mt. Tamalpais and made love – 2 variations – then we drove to Stinson Beach and cooked 3 sausages and put them on sourdough French bread with crème sodas. Then we took a walk along the beach and searched in tide pools. We walked back to the car and it was so beautiful. The water looked as blue as blue can get. The reflection of the sunlight looked like diamonds as the rippling waves came in. We drove back and stopped to look at the sun go below the horizon. We drove to Sausalito and made love. 1 variation. Then we took a walk around Fisherman’s Wharf – then we drove to the Peppermill restaurant. We smoked 2 roaches of Red and went in and ate a gigantic fruit salad and a chocolate milkshake and some coffee. After we left I played guitar for her at Skyline after making love again. I had played for her on the way to Sausalito too. All day long was perfect – our first fuck was a “Perfect Fuck.” We kept saying all day how happy we were.

Memo: When Denise and I went to the Peppermill tonight I saw Laurel working the same as she was working when we went in there months ago. She had gained a bit of weight and I have seen her look better but I swear she is my “Dream Girl” – the girl I have been wanting to meet for so long. I made no sign that I even noticed her. I know I could probably never have her but I would still like to give it a shot. Maybe I should contact Harpster on what to do. Do you realize what a bitchin’ change in my life it would make if I could get her to make love to me. If I find I still want to in the morning, I am going to write a letter to Jack and ask him what to do and it would be perfect if I could get him to come and eat dinner with me there and give me the play – by – play instruction. I saw no wedding ring on her finger. I know I’ll probably forget about her tomorrow and than she would probably shuffle me away but I am at least at this Moment determined to try everything within a happy frame of mind to get this girls favors. Just think of it. I’ve found my dream girl. I should at least try.

December 5th, 1976
(E)(L)
Sunday (0/560) I worked from 12-8. Then I had a superb prime rib dinner. Afterwards I went down to Juanita’s and coaxed her into allowing me to spend the night. She wouldn’t make love to me, but when I tried to leave she asked me to please stay, so maybe in the morning I’ll be laid. Frankly, diary, I am a little worried about the H.R.’s something isn’t clicking. The problem of finding a suitable bass player has not seemed easy at all to find and to be honest – it contradicts my original plan for the H.R.’s and I feel that a contradiction with plan spells failure. Perhaps I am just a little down – but I have to admit we’ve come a long way since a year ago. I must say that I have fallen back in love with Denise after a day like yesterday. I had such a smashing time that I find myself thinking about her. Diary, I think we must both agree, to date, she has been quite a love.

December 6th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Monday (.5/560.5) I kind of blew my Statistics test, partially due to lack of a calculator. When I awoke this morning Juanita rolled me over and we fucked for the first time in over a year and a half. The H.R.’s were foiled badly today but bounced back with an idea that will carry with it some weight. Upon arriving at BIS, equipment – later we found that the auditorium was being used the entire week and as John H. drove by simultaneously we found out that Tom didn’t want to play at State. There go our plans! After being aimless for a time Hockridge suggested that he learn the bass. Now – think of it. What could be more perfect. The rhythm guitarist writing the music, the bassist being the lyricist and a young lead guitarist – add an older drummer form Canada – seem reminiscent of something? (For those of you who haven’t figured out this could be called the Beatles – formula!

December 7th, 1976
(E)
Tuesday (2/562.5) I was in a mad rush to arrive at work on time. Once there I finished the final (Vol II.) volume of the Memoirs of Casanova. What a sad ending. After I got off at 8 I went to Crocker. Tom and Fred had been going over bass lines for Tom. We practiced for a while and decided to do some acoustic numbers and some electric numbers. I’d sure like to get a pre-amp before Friday. After practice Tom and I went to his house and smoked two joints. We went to Lyon’s and had about 3 cups of coffee. Still no word from Terry Smith. Perhaps we are not in the show, but it seems to me that we are definitely in – from the feeling and response that we got at he audition. This thing about Tom playing bass is very exciting – I think it was the only decision we could have made – I was really starting to get worried about the bass situation! What could be more perfect?

December 8th, 1976
(E)(!!)
“K101 responds, we are in the show”
Wednesday (2/564.5) When am I going to learn to be “assured of my success?” – It’s going to come I know it, I know it. We will win the contest. Fame starts in a week. Before I know it I will be in a skyrocket that will lift me out of mediocrity forever. – Paul told me this morning that K101 phoned yesterday to tell me that we have been accepted and they would like us to play Energy on the Radio next Wednesday night. I ironed all my clothes today at home since there was no school. [Fred came by and we went into the city and found a pre-amp and a guitar case for me today – but alas – no money. We dropped off requests for 21 tickets to the show at the Rincon Annex Post Office. We found out at Bronstein’s Music that they rent Ovations for a day. We were looking for a bass for Hockridge. Fred and I went out to the city on Thursday and looked for schools. Anyway Denise and I went out together tonight.

December 9th, 1976
(E)(L)
“H.R.’s prepare for SFSU.”
Thursday (4/568.5) I don’t know how I managed to screw up the chronology. As far as I can recall. (I am writing this Sunday morning). Fred and I went into the city. We got back to my place at about 4 and I phoned Denise whereupon she came up and took me to the reservoir where we made love and took a wonderful little walk. I come back and prepared a hamburger and went to Fred’s where the H.R.’s had practice – went over our set and made plans for tomorrow for SFSU. Penny made us some great lasagna. I slept over at Tom’s – we munched our Ham Sandwiches and talked until 1 or 2. It was yesterday as I recall that I ironed my clothes and I picked up Denise – took her to the Peppermill – made love- went to Hockridge’s attic and practiced a bit – we got in a fight – Tom and I took Denise home. I wish I had gotten the chronology right!!

December 10th, 1976
(E)(L)
“SFSU is a success! Irene is there!”
740 Friday (4/572.5) Oh shit! The last two pages! Here I am in the midst of one of the most exciting periods in my life to date and I was fumbling around talking about insignificant facts. Oh. You can’t know how excited I am. How certain of success. I woke at Hock’s. We went to Nelson’s – loaded up the car. Drove to Nelson’s café – had breakfast together. Drove to Bronstein’s. Got an Ovation. Drove to State – set up. Sang our 1-hour set. We left. Got a letter congratulating us from K101. Went to Hock’s – practiced at McKinley. I met Denise afterwards, made love and went to sleep. At the concert –
1) Almost everyone that came in stayed in
2) Everyone was very attentive – looking up at us
3) Everyone clapped after every song
4) C.F. asked us to come back in the spring
5) We got to use the PA at State and their microphones
6) It was a definite success
7) I fell in love with Irene again – Tom and Fred both loved her
8) A stranger, young man, came up and praised us very highly: Practice went fantastically afterwards.

December 11th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
“Love, I think about Irene.”
Saturday (0/572.5) Today I got up at 6 a.m. and worked at Hertz until 3. Denise picked me up at 3:30pm and took me to the Casa Mateo where we made love, 2 variations, and we went to dinner at the Aquarium, her having Prime rib and me having rack of Lamb –the dinner was superb, $11.34. We went back to the hotel and made love 4 more times during the night. She paid for everything gladly and I had a very good time all around – what a night! I got a letter from Bernadette but I have not opened it yet.
Dearest reader – so much is happening to me – so much good stuff! The H.R.’s are taking off! I wrote a song about Irene yesterday. The definite approval of Tom and Fred have made me long for her. I feel so good about everything. I am really becoming effective. The H.R. workshop training camp will begin soon – the contest. The SFSU thing – it made us get equipment – place to practice and made decisions – get tight, etc.

December 12th, 1976
(E)(L)
“I feel moved, there is too much to write about.”
Sunday (0/572.5) It is Sunday night as I write this page at a Momentous time for me. I think it is true that I will soon be lifted out of mediocrity forever. I feel I am making the final preparations and I am packing for a trip to a new home far away and in a better place. The Momentum that is developing around me, although I expected it, fills one with the awe that depicts all my dreams as realities – that sets me free and part form ordinary existence – that I may be legend I long to be and effect changes for the good of all mankind- Jeff Shea. 10:30pm
I read the letter from Bernadette today – a letter that again answer my dreams – she said she loved me and I was special. She said no other boy was like me and the month we spent together in August is firm in her memory. Reader, for me Aug. 1976 will always be one of the best in my life – the letter today confirmed that. So much is happening to me all at once. I think December has its graces too. Everyone who is dear to me wants to attend the concert Wednesday night. The time has come and as Tom Hockridge said recently, “There is no stopping us now.” It is even beyond our control. (The purple is in honor of Bernadette!

December 13th, 1976
(E)(L)
(Preparation of Energy) – Clymer is back.
Monday (4/576.5) Dear Reader, I hope you have taken notice of the evolutionary process that has taken place in this book. Aside from August this year may seem quite low-key unless one understands that this year Jeff Shea has devoted to preparation. The month of December is intended to be a beginning of the manifestation of the groundwork that has been laid this year. As my calculations are correct I can say that the H.R. skyrocket as of 12 midnight tonight is T-minus – 44 hours and 30 minutes and counting. [I went to school today – 94% in Statistics – came home and went to practice.] The H.R.’s practiced Energy tonight until they had Clymer and Denise in fits of ecstasy. Tomorrow night is the rehearsal for the concert. Denise made love to me.
Reader, she has proved to be a true friend. The conversation amongst Jeff, Tom, Fred and me was monumental after practice. I want you, reader, to understand that to the ordinary man the responsibility that is presently being understood and taken by the Hopeless Romantics would be too much to bear. Let me say this – above all, each individual H.R. is making a binding commitment to follow his True Will. We must be constant. We will make light of the load. I am ready!

December 14th, 1976
(E)
Tuesday(.5/577) I sent Energy registered mail to myself in the hopes of copyrighting it before the concert. I distributed a few tickets and went to work. I did 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and 25 knee bends this morning. At work I had a real good time. I worked with Rick and Patti, who incidentally are both coming to the show. I went to rehearsal after the show. I was very lethargic about the whole thing. We played too loud, the cymbal fell down. I broke a string in the middle of the song, etc. we had to stop the song 3 or 4 times. I saw most of the rest of the acts. We are going to win the show. See, the thing is tomorrow is when I will turn on full blast every quality I have – charm, enthusiasm, energy, etc.
Tonight I played it very coolly. I don’t want anybody to think we’re competition! They have an 8-foot column of lights. As the audience claps the lights go on! A lot of our friends are coming! I talked to Ragan after practice. We need to win that show and will!

December 15th, 1976
(E)(L)(!!)
“I am lifted out of mediocrity forever!!”

WE WON!!
800 Wednesday (1.5/578.5) We had a total technical failure and we won the contest. A thousand screaming fans. Irene came! We had both amps go out on us and we won anyway. I’m getting $100.00 sent to me. We won. We won. They loved us. Despite our big goof they loved us – or maybe because of it. They crowded me the girls all came up to me. John said we could hire them for a party. Then just looked me in the eye and said, “When are we practicing again?!” I told Tom and Fred what we were going to win, despite our big goof but they didn’t believe me. Cookie bought me three drinks at the Peppermill. She said quote: “If you weren’t going with my sister I would say, ‘let’s go to your place!” She said to call her Friday.

December 16th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
Thursday (578.5 and a great deal learned.) It’s true. I never will be the same since last night. The hype is already beginning. My brother Marc found out that we won and practically went hysterical. Rick Rosen thought we were great! He said that the girls were all saying how good looking we were and that one girl almost fainted – I said almost! Just for the record, we got a nine for about 3 seconds and it was not actually a tie. We won all the way. Well we did win anyway! The hype – the confidence boosts I have received is great – but it makes me feel that I should work my butt off so something like that can happen again, rather than rest on my laurels. We are going to be so famous so soon!!
Well, today I got paid. Now I have $750 in the bank and my debts total $100 to Denise. I am really doing well. I made love to Denise today. I wrote a 15 page story on yesterday which can be found in the binder on success. I have been thinking a lot about Cookie and despite almost everyone warning me against it I want to make it with her. We can deny we ever did it after. Cookie is a 9 and I’d love to love her. Let us maintain this level of success. The rest of December will be incredibly great.

December 17th, 1976
(L)(E)
Friday (.5/579) I got a good deal of sleep last night. I feel real good today. Went to school and did a computer read-out for statistics. I went to accounting and at precisely 11:25am I left and phoned Denise’s house and asked for Cookie and asked her out for a drink and we made plans to meet a Laundromat at 1:40pm. I went back and finished up my classes. I left Economics at precisely 1:15pm and arrived to meet Cookie 4 minutes early. “I won’t waste your time, I have come to ask you to go to bed with me – to sleep with me.” Surprisingly enough she declined because “although I would like to do it,” she said she’d have a guilty conscience. We talked about 20 minutes and parted. I bought an installed a lower radiator hose on my car. Denise came to McKinley and gave me a blowjob and made love on the big mats – before Tom go there.
We all went to Marty’s along with Cappa and Clymer was there and we listened to H.R. tapes. Connie was telling me how so many girls were around me she couldn’t speak to me! Yesterday R. Rosen told me we won the concert because the girls love us and were saying “look at those cute guys!” He said one almost fainted. It looks like Stardom is going to stick with us but we’ve got to start the workshop right away!

December 18th, 1976
(E)(S)(!!)
Saturday (0/579) Today – work, dinner, wrote song, went out with Clymer, Cappa – bed. I wrote today probably the best song I’ve ever written in my life, as far as songs that have potential at pleasing the public. I went partying with Clymer and Cappa. Life is so amazing. So weird. Here I am in an unknown place, which I’ve learned to call earth and I am “acting” and doing all sorts of things that I really don’t understand and “thinking” things that are thought only because I am conditioned to do so, I am very well adjusted and happy but can’t help drawing similarities between life as we know it and a non-free type of existence. I am so bound in by modes which serve no purposes and really understand nothing. All I know is there are some things which I label “pleasant” and others that are “unpleasant” and I want to experience the “pleasant”! I feel drawn back from all society in a way that helps me discern and delineate the truth. I feel that when I have fully achieved greatness will my true “purpose” or destiny become known to me. I feel part of a bigger scheme.

December 19th, 1976
(S)(E)
Sunday (0/579) Dear Reader, I feel different, do you know? It’s true – I am getting more and more effective each day. I am becoming more and more “bitchin’”, as we say. Today I worked 12-8 – dinner – Denise, love – R. Rosen to movie – home – I talked to Fred on the phone – quite incredible really. He is, since his Dad has been severely ill, running the Nelson empire – he is going to be spending “60 hours a week for the next month” running things. He says it is “very profitable” – my Dad left about 6 blank checks and gave me a limit. He says, “every one in this family was listening to the broadcast on K101 and everything is going so well – I’m running the Nelson Empire, single and getting laid, and the Hopeless Romantics. “I have a feeling that radio broadcast is going to be worth millions to me. Mrs. Nelson, according to Fred “loves me!”
Reader, I would estimate that one year from this date I will be ‘rich.’ – have enough money to keep a person for the rest of his life. Reader, I’ve got so many ideas about the H.R. workshop. I want to take the money we’ve got from K101 and put it towards voice lessons and stationary. The H.R.’s should have enough to tour by June ’77.

December 20th, 1976
(E)(L)(F)
“10,000 by June. Decided on Equipment.”
Monday (2/561) It is only 5:40pm but I’ve worked for 2 hours on what I think is the best song I’ve ever written “Love Can’t Make Me Cry” and it could be, will be, the song to make it first. I’d like to play it next time on K101. It has 2 guitar parts, bass parts, etc. I really dig it and the rough draft is finally finished. I wrote the first chords on Saturday. I am rather upset tonight about the H.R.’s. We were just getting into a good discussion when Bill Week’s walked in and then Cappa and the Ramsey and Penny – Shit! I should have known all those people – even just Bill would interrupt our practice/meeting! Another hour and we would have had it down pat – there really is a lot to be discussed. Hockridge is so fucking relaxed about everything. I swear, I wish those two guys would be more organized, well, Fred’s pretty good about that. I like everything just so! And when it’s not I go crazy. I’m so pissed!
We didn’t decide anything tonight about our next meeting or when we’re going to run or anything! I didn’t get to discuss when we could get a hold of the tapes, etc. I know I should calm down! There are too many thoughts running through my head. I just wish I didn’t feel I am responsible for everything – but I guess I am! Blow from Denise tonight. Bon physics exam. Letter to Tippey. Totally organized!

December 23rd, 1976
(E)(F)
“Tom gets bass, practice begins.”
Thursday (.5/561.5) Written Friday morning. You know, I was just reading an excerpt from my 1975 diary and on the surface this year cannot compare to last year. Last year was so intense – but in defense of this year I believe the fruits to be reaped are somewhat incredible in comparison. For this year is the year of formation of the H.R.’s – last year was an inspiration – a whim of genius. This year began the work – “Thank God for the might of it!!!”
I fixed Hock’s car today and bought him a bass guitar (his money) for only $45 and it’s a good bass and new strings and tax it was $74.55 Penny is buying Fred his guitar for xmas!!! The H.R.’s are destined. I believe that. “Wait and see!” I say! Denise and I went to Donna’s where I ate 4 of her sisters tacos. We spent the night at the Cable Car. I chipped in $5. We made love 4 times. So here we are x-mas ’76 coming soon. The H.R.’s have won a local talent concert and are busy preparing for greatness. They have written 56 songs – they have approximately $2500 in assets (Mostly equipment) next year success will strike!

December 24th, 1976
(E)(S)
“Christmas Eve!”
Friday (0/561.5) By the 1000 hour mark the Hopeless Romantics will be ready to be famous! I’ll bet! I awoke at the Cable Car and came home. Went with Fed and Tom to do Christmas shopping and came home – practiced guitar quite awhile. I am really turning into quite a performer! Everyone came over to the house and I told myself I was going to be sociable as I had never been before – you know – it worked! I really believe I have always had stigma about being sociable it’s a mental block and it’s about time I remove it.
For x-mas I received a guitar cord and set of strings (Mike and Linda a t-shirt and slippers (Donna and Marc and Max.) a $25.00 gift certificate to Macy’s (Dad and Helen) a nice pull-over shirt (Gammy) and a can of shaving cream (Denise) – estimated value $2.50! I gave Dad a bottle of JD and Helen some stationary – tomorrow I play in the Toy Bowl Football game! The H.R.’s are supposed to be practicing Sunday at 12 noon. It’s about time! Mike and I talked about building speaker cabinets etc. and he seemed to think it will be easy 251.

December 25th, 1976
(L)(A)
“Christmas!”
Saturday (0/561.5) Xmas day was spent entirely with Tom, Gary, Jeff and Myself – in the morning it was the Joy Bowl and the team I was on won 7 touchdowns to 4. There was Jeff, Tom, Buckley, Weeks, Jack, me and Ramsey on the winning team. Afterwards Clymer treated us to some beer. I ate at Cappa’s mothers house and it was excellent. I phoned up Dense and she was crying to me and telling me how sad she was that I didn’t see her today. Then we got Clymer again and went to Bogart’s. That’s where those guys tried to pick up chicks.
I arrive home at one o’clock. There’s nothing wrong with going to bars etc. but it just isn’t my style. I don’t just want to “pick up a girl” I want to love her. And I swear I’d rather be sitting at home composing and writing music than out spending money. But there is a happy medium. I guess it’s not good to work all the time. – I wonder, if I had my choice, perhaps I’d like to be more of a stud, rather than a good old-fashioned lover. I guess only time will tell if I live my life superbly or not. So far I’m doing pretty good.

December 26th, 1976
(L)(E)(F)
Sunday (5/566.5) I phoned Nuria the first thing this morning and she gladly accepted an offering of my company with her tomorrow at 12 noon at her house. (I spent $24.38 on Denise today – 3 perfumes and 2 necklaces – for Christmas.) I made love with her once with 2 variations and it was magnificent, it was very vigorous, uninterrupted and very satisfying. I saw Cookie and I feel on top of the situation. Irene keeps popping through my mind now and again. Denise gave me another present – a wool sweater and a pair of socks and a 2 oz bottle of cologne. I dropped off Gammy’s xmas present.
At 9pm Hock and I practiced. We wrote a song – Romantic Nights – who boy! Good song! And I taught Hock’s a complete bass line to it. He was playing it as perfect as could be expected by the time we were though. It’s our 57th song. There are only 3 more pages left in the 2nd book. That’ll make a total of 60 songs. Apparently Fred has received his guitar from Penny – and there is a rumor going around that she is buying us 4 hours of recording time!

December 27th, 1976
(S)(L)(E)(!!)
“Nuria again → AAAHHH!!!”
Monday (0/566.5) If there are any Gods anyplace it must be us – humans the race of man. Being acquainted with the physics of nature and the universe we seem to be unaccounted for – living, breathing, thinking – a freak of creation – with the ability to have and control power. End of dissertation.
I won $5.50 in a card game tonight and partied with the brothers before and afterward and it as like old times. I feel powerful! At around noon. I picked up Nuria and tried some advice that was given to me by myself in my 1975 diary – visualize beforehand and then don’t try at all. She started putting her hands on me and suggests a ride so we went to Sawyer Camp Road where I sucked on her pussy – it was so clean, so wet, so enjoyable. Then, too many people were coming by so she suggest we drive towards La Honda and we found a place and I sucked her pussy again more intensely so she unzipped my pants and placed my hard cock in her mouth, but that part didn’t last very long. We were interrupted by a truck and left. She says she should get a diaphragm and I agree – I want to fuck her. Hockridge says he has been practicing four hours every night with the bass. I felt good for not mentioning anything about Nuria to the brothers – it seems to build my power in the long run!

December 28th, 1976
(E)(L)
Tuesday (4/570.5) I finally figured out what to do with our K101 check – take a picture of the 3 of us holding the check and have it blown up and framed for positivity and then cash it. We had a late, but great practice tonight. It had to be the most inspiration meeting the Hopeless Romantics have ever had. Tom played the bass on a few songs and Fred was playing guitar on his new Fender Telecaster, which Penny bought him for Xmas. The H.R.’s voted to buy me a case with the money we earned at K101, so tomorrow I’m getting a case. The new song Tom and I wrote, “Romantic Nights” is one of my favorite songs in the second book, which has been labeled Contemplation. The next lyric–book will be called Culmination and the 4th will be called Realization. We figure it’ll take us the 6 months to get Culmination finished. We practiced in Fred’s garage. Practice will be held there again on Thursday at 7:30. Saw Taylor tonight at practice. Made love to Denise in the early evening!

December 29th, 1976
(E)(F)(L)
Wednesday (0/570.5) I got my case today for $69.44 of which the H.R. fund handled $60.60. It is a brand new Gibson hard-shell case with a velvet interior of violet. I have my silk pillowcase in there with pads inside of it and my piece of fur over the guitar looks nice! I got an enlargement made from the K101 check an 18” x 24” – it looks good – it’s part of our PR campaign. It cost about $7.90 Fred traded his curled cord in for a straight one 18 ½’ long – I found out today that I froze my brothers speakers and it is going to cost me no less than $32 to fix – bummer!!!
I made love to Denise tonight – 1 variation. – I am getting to be a good lover! Last night she said, “I always like sex with you. It’s because I like you and – because you’re a good lover.” Last night she gave me some static about let’s break up – so I suggested we wait until Feb. 12! I am going to try to duplicate the things I hoped for last year to happen this year – H.R.’s to take off – Meet chick Feb 12 to 19th who is beautiful and loves me. Send for Giovanna in June – I went to Clymer’s tonight and talked!

December 30th, 1976
(E)(F)
“Got an 8-track tape of the K101 gig.”
Thursday (5/575.5) Today I paid back Jim and John for helping us at K101. I cashed my paycheck. I made love to Denise – 1 variation – great indeed! Very important – I bought my next diary. I wrote a financial statement for the H.R.’s $2,589.99! Practice was another inspiration. Connie, Marty, Bill Foreman and his girl stayed with us for an hour or so. Connie requested me today to play at her wedding – so they came by to listen to us. We played a number of songs – Tom now knows WITYIL You, Fountains in June, Energy and Romantic Nights on the bass – what a genius he is! He absolutely amazes me with his prowess for the bass. We talked – it looks like I will work full time in order to buy my share of the $5000 equipment and $4000 transportation vehicle and $2000 cash so we can make the trip. I know it’ll be hard – almost $12,000 or $4000 for me in 5 ½ months – that’s $780 a month. But think of the reward!

December 31st, 1976
(F)(L)(S)
Friday (0/575.5) The last day – today I deposited $30 in Denise’s bank account – now I only owe her $70.40 I talked to my boss Ken and told him I wanted to work more and it seems I’ll have a chance. I had exquisite sex again with Denise – gee, it’s getting better and better. I ate dinner at her house and after dinner we went to my car and she gave me a blowjob until I came in her mouth. I went to a lot of parties and finally left a girl named Robin with Clymer at her apartment at 8 a.m. They probably went to bed together. New Year’s Resolution – gee, this year has been lovely. I want to start meeting beautiful women gain – like in Europe. I also want to start opening up my horizons in adventure. God give me the strength to excel in not one but five fields. I am very disappointed with this years performance. I hope there will be a year in my life that I can consider up to my standards and I hope it’s next year. I want to start a study on women, and adventure and become famous with the H.R.’s. 1977, 830 a.m.

MEMORANDUM
(S)(E)(L)(F)(A)(!!)
I hereby write my memorandum of the year 1976. It has been a good year. Tonight is December 30th, 1976. It is 7pm as I begin this. The major thing about this year is that it cannot be termed “great” yet – only time will tell me that. Because it has been a year of preparation. “Doing” is always more exciting than preparation. Next year is going to be the year for doing. Next year is success. This year I entitled Entertainment. We will find out next year if I have successfully prepared myself. Philosophically it is a curious year. It is like a lost year! Let me explain.
When I arrived back form Europe I had dreams that the group would be ready to go by June 1976. Now it will be ready on June 1977. I had dreams I would break up with Denise on February 12th, 1976 and be going with a gorgeous blonde by February 19th, 1976 – and now Denise and I are talking about ending our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in February 12th. I’ll have to wait and see about the part of meeting a beautiful blonde. Next I had dreams that the H.R.’s would begin to travel in June 1976 and that Gary would come with us. Possibility the latter will transpire in 1977 as I had scheduled it for 1976 – the former might have a good chance of happening – a great chance-in fact, that is what 1977 is all about – the H.R.’s leaving fully equipped by June for Canada!
So it seems everything that I wanted to happen in 1976 is going to happen in 1977. So what kind of progress have I made in this last year of 1976 as compared to when I first got back from Europe. Well, when I first got back from Europe I decided I needed a job that earned me about $70 a week. Now I have that! And believe me it is quite an asset. Secondly – I am making slightly more than that most weeks! Close to $100 a week sometimes! Next, I have $800 in a Florida bank account, which is really nice to have. Thirdly I have an established group already – we have about $2500 worth of equipment – have played on the radio and won a local talent contest. We have written 60 songs (well 57 to be exact!) – and that I find to be the most phenomenal fact of all – we have established a basis for fame. Now that I think of it- look back on it that has given 1976 a purpose all its own – I called this the year for Entertainment and all of a sudden I realize what a fantastic success it has been – utterly fantastic! 57 songs – think about it. It is absolutely phenomenal.
My group – our group has equipment. I have my Hofner guitar – and a beautiful new Gibson case – bought with the money we won at the K101 contest. Fred has a brand new Telecaster guitar and case – Tom has a bass – we have a $400 PA system – 3 microphones and stands for them. Fred has a brand new Reavey amplifier – plus my Spanish guitar has brand new frets put on and we have a couple of extra little goodies – Fred has $200 of other guitars, etc. – The more I think of it the more it all becomes clear to me. Forgive me, reader, for my eternal, undying optimism – my blindness to the truth when it doesn’t suit my own little reality, my delusions of grandeur, but allow me to continue – it has all become clear to me – let me explain it in my own fashion as follows:
This year 1976 was necessary as one could not even imagine the extent of the necessity! I had to do many things to prepare for my ultimate success. Not wishing or willing to admit to myself my deficiencies or the year of hard work ahead of me. I went on slowly realizing what the true situation was – all the goodies were to be saved for 1977.
First I had to improve myself. I needed to – get a volume of musical material together (wrote 57 songs), get some capital behind me ($800 in the bank, paid off $400 of existing loans from Euro –tour, and invested almost another $800 in musical equipment), I had to improve my personality (I got all my friends back and behind me) – I had to become a better lover to prepare me for a deluge of women (I must’ve made love more times this year than ever before – I must’ve made love 232 times with 173 variations – that’s an estimate – read the diary – I’m sure it’s documented. I’ve conquered inferiority, fear, etc. of love) I had to overcome my fear and realize the true essence of success – my ordeal with Sphere of Stupidity and my discovery that the best way to solve some problems is to ignore them! – Hell, isn’t that enough?
I am so much better prepared this year than last year for the quest I am taking in life. You may ask, how does Jeff know that next year won’t be the same kind of year again – let us just say I have a feeling about it. I really believe there will be no problem in achieving ultimate success in music next year – because of 1976 – the preparation year. I am glad I lived this year. Again to sum it up – the main purpose of 1976 was to write the 57 songs – or maybe 60 by tomorrow night.
The second purpose I haven’t mentioned yet is grandiose in its value also. Tom Hockridge deciding to take up the bass guitar. When I came back form Europe I had the idea – me guitar – Fred bass – Tom vocals – Paddy drums – but there was an immediate problem because Fred wanted to play guitar. I truly believe that some place in the midst of all of it I knew it had to be Tom on bass – after all I was searching for a proto-type of the Beatles – and now I got it!
All year long I tried to solve that problem to no avail until Tom one night suggested or rather declared that he was going to play bass – perfect I thought – and it is here with us now. It seems 1976 has been the workhorse of my movement. It has cleared the way to success. There is nothing between us and success now but a short deal of time. The answers are either apparent or seem pending. Let’s go for it now! Tom, Fred and I! The last few months I have tried to pawn off the disappointing productivity of 1976 as due to the creation of Sphere of Stupidity in now, 1975. It seemed a timely strong unsuspected negative force. But now I see it has only one factor and in a positive way – small mistakes can often prevent more serious ones at a later date. I don’t want to forget to mention my month with Bernadette – truly the best “month” of my life – a victory over the “Hum-drum Existence” – a month of Love – supreme love. Ah – sweet Bernadette. How bitchin’ – having a girl come from France to visit me – Ha Ha – hopefully next year Giovanna will come – and more beautiful than ever!
Also I should mention that I completed another semester in college – which is good. It taught me always to keep learning. But most of all I want to emphasize how clear everything is coming to me – it is a very vivid picture. I can work in the 1st six months of 1977 and help buy all the equipment we need and send for Giovanna and make it big – I feel like I am going to relive this year only this time I will be smarter. The most exciting day was the day we won the K101 contest – I have a tape of it now and I think it was truly a memorable evening – and may I say it was the most important event of the year. It proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the H.R.’s are winners.
This year has been a preparatory one but very fun instead! The only thing that bothers me is that the contest of the pages does not appear so wonderful as did my first diary – yes I remember it now. I was on a bummer when I started this – my family, my girlfriend – they kept telling me I was too happy – too carefree – So I started this diary thinking – “I am going to be real conforming and write evenly on all pages and make it a much neater diary. Well it is neater than 1975 but the spirit is missing. That’s why the 1977 diary I bought has slightly less space. I’ll have to be more concise!
At any rate here I am babbling off at the mouth… er… pen! I am prepared now – my body is well rested – my mind is complete, alert, strong, concentrated and ready and willing – my soul is revived – my sexual prowess is peak – my heart is pushing me through – up – Jeff Shea is ready. Jeff Shea is going to be well loved, rich, famous, wonderful. Soon! Jeff Shea is on his way. Fame, friends, money, influence. I am ready. Give me the task, I’ll be a man! It lay at my feet and I now take hold – boldly, certainly, ascertaining that the truth I wish to live is before me, yet with me now, and I only know a glimpse of it. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I think I realize what this great scheme of life is all about. Jeff Shea, Dec. 31st 4 a.m.