1977 Daily Journal – The Hopeless Romantics perform on a ship in the Caribbean [Music, Love: 200 pages]Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
I hereby indoctrinate this yearâ€™s volume and dedicate it to be a record of my success. This is my year of Success and I pray to God that the last page will show that my year of Success has been successful. The Hopeless Romanticâ€™s are to be carried to fame this year and should just be achieving it around October.
Jeff Shea 12/30/76
This diary is a power object!
â€œIf you are a man, and treat your lover on the basis of masculine values, youâ€™ll understand little of her feminine needs and tendencies.â€
â€œLove is the most important thing on earth.â€
January 1st, 1977
My success is predicated only on itself. I must never let up even a second. I must be the aggressor of my life. Denise came and got me after dinner. She looked beautiful. I mean, she looked like an 8. We went to Clymerâ€™s and said goodbye. I fell in love at Pennyâ€™s party. Before Denise had come by I had decided that each month this year I was going to find a picture of a girl that Iâ€™d like and when I saw her proto-type Iâ€™d go for her. Pennyâ€™s friend Terry Tripp was fairly close to the girl Iâ€™d asked for so I asked Penny and she said sheâ€™d set us up. Maybe on Tuesday. She (Penny) said (Terry) said sheâ€™d fuck with me. I asked her to ask Terry if she could like me. I spent the night at Deniseâ€™s. Cookie slept in the other bed.
January 2nd, 1977
H.R. total practice time [4.5/580]
I canâ€™t describe it. This year is already a million times better than 1975 to Europe could ever be â€“ all summed up. Itâ€™s whatâ€™s going through my brain. Fantastic things I am so god damn effective itâ€™s crazy. I phoned up Irene and she dove at the chance to go out with me Saturday night at 7:30pm to see â€œRocky.â€ I want to say that since this year has begun I realize that there is nothing wrong with me mentally and never has been. I used to worry through. The H.R.â€™s practice was great. I taught Tom his 5th song on the bass. We discussed plans for our set at Martyâ€™s wedding. Everything that is happening this year seems in accordance with last yearâ€™s dreams. I plan to phone Nuria at 7:30pm Monday and ask to see her Wednesday. I swear I canâ€™t miss. I seem to have an uncanny knack as to what to do. I plan to phone Penny at 6pm and ask her what Terry said. I will attempt and succeed to arrange a date with Terry by getting her phone number and having her want my call. I plan to see Denise tomorrow at about 6 and Wednesday night. I plan to send Carla a letter a week. Everything is coming back to me. Ideas that work out perfectly are plaguing me. I am a success!
January 3rd, 1977
This was the greatest day of my life. First, I got my muffler repaired. Then I registered at S.F. State. Then I went to K101. After intimidating a rude secretary I got to see Terry Smith who gave me a warm welcome and said heâ€™d be glad to have a picture taken with us. He gave me a complete tour of K101. I was flabbergasted. My visit and reception was beyond my wildest dreams. I made love (1V) to Denise. I had a large dinner at my grandmotherâ€™s. I practiced at BIS and after 10pm we practiced at Fredâ€™s house. Nuria said to come to Berkeley a week from Sunday. Penny said Terry could be interested in me. Iâ€™ll phone tomorrow to find out. Denise confirmed that we are to break up on February 12 of this year. So much to say! So little space! I got so much done today! And fantastic things are happening.
January 4th, 1977
[2585.5] â€œTrip is plannedâ€
No â€“ today was the greatest day of my life â€“ surely. Tonight we decided that on June 19th, 1977 we will leave for Canada â€“ travel to Thunder Bay, meet Paddy, heâ€™ll come with us as we continue to Miami where weâ€™ll have an appointment set up with some big cheese. Then weâ€™ll go to New York where weâ€™ll cut a record. If that does not transpire â€“ alternate plan is to sell the van and go to London. We need an agent to contact places in Canada and perhaps one Terry Smith to phone the big cheese on the east coast. And our fatherâ€™s standing behind us. We need $5000 worth of equipment, $300 spending money and a van. I want Giovanna to come with us. Penny is still working on Terry Trip for me.
January 5th, 1977
Itâ€™s really rather incredible the way I fell today â€“ so good. I made love to Denise tonight (2V), which was exquisite! Iâ€™ve discovered that the amount of wine in your bladder can have a direct relationship to oneâ€™s susceptibility to erections â€“ trivia! Another item â€“ if something bothers you the only way to stop it is to simply ignore it. I repaired 2 jackets and 2 jeans, etc. today. I got a short haircut â€“ a little too short. I think the only way to my Dadâ€™s goodwill is through a good sense of humor. My balance in Florida is now $808.46. I made an appointment to look at some JBLâ€™s tomorrow. No word about T. Tripp. I filled every second wisely today.
January 6th, 1977
[2/587.5] â€œMy life is like a wonderful dream right now!!!â€
I have a new rule: donâ€™t sleep less than 8 hours a night and donâ€™t stay awake more than 16 hours a day. Youâ€™ll notice my waking hours notations at the bottom of the pages. Today Fred and I went to San Anselmo to look at speakers and found out about a type of speaker called Electro-Voice. We saw some beautiful cabinets but $300 per speaker! I ate at home. We practiced as a group for 2 hours. Afterwards we talked. Hockridge is on the rag. Fred and I are very jacked. We listened to the tape of Energy before we went to sleep and looked at maps, plans, plans and more plans! Penny will find out about Terry tomorrow. I trip to Canada awaits me. Ya-ha!
January 7th, 1977
Fred and I got a price today on 2 amp tops, 8 electro-voice speakers and 2 cabinets (which is all him and I need as far as guitar equipment) of $1,518.00 + tax or about $1600! All considering thatâ€™s pretty cheap. We held practice at McKinley and I was able, I think, to draw Tom out of his stupor he has been in the past week. Practice consisted of a new format where I give those guys lessons for voice. It helped. I talked to Gail and she said sheâ€™d make me four cassettes and 2 eight tacks of the concert. I went out with Denise and made love (2V.) It was great. Poor girl â€“ poor me. I never seem to have time for her now!
January 8th, 1977
I had to be up at 6am to get to work, which meant I had to take a nap after work. Denise phoned about 3 times and said she had to see me. Fred phoned to tell me he totaled his fatherâ€™s Volvo last night. I had a message to call Robin â€“ the girl whom Jeff and I met on New Yearâ€™s Eve, which was a surprise. I went out with Irene we talked until 4:15am in front of her house and got down to the real nitty gritty about our relationship. But alas, I procured not even a kiss. Bright note: We jokingly have made a date for November 16th, 1980 at my Chateau in France! Bonne chance!
January 9th, 1977
I only had to work from 12-4 today. I got in touch with Denise and we made love (1V.) in Pacifica. She cried and cried about us not being boyfriend-girlfriend shortly. I left early cause I thought I was to teach Tom tonight. He wasnâ€™t home so I returned a call from Robin, who I met on New Yearâ€™s Eve. She said sheâ€™d been searching all over for me! I arrived at her place about 10:15pm and by 2:30am I asked to spend the night. We stated kissing and finally went to bed where I made love to her next morning for a relatively short time and came inside her vagina. I left at 1:45pm January 10 and said Iâ€™d be over Thursday at 11am. Her face is so-so but her body deserves an 8! I have a way with women.
January 10th, 1977
[2/594] K101 Pictures.
I awoke at Robinâ€™s in the early afternoon. Sheâ€™s easy to sleep with. Needless to say I was in a great mood as I romped up to K101 where my Dad took about 20 snapshots of Jerry Smith handing the H.R.â€™s the blown up check. Some outside the place, others up by the disc-jockey rooms. We learned some interesting things â€“ for one, we will be back on the air of February 16th â€“ Iâ€™ve got to get on it right away. Practice got fucked up tonight but we saved it by Tom and I writing 3 good songs to make our total 60 (and complete the second book.) Weâ€™ve heavily been discussing money. Iâ€™m very optimistic about Canada.
January 11th, 1977
[2/596] â€œTheories canâ€™t be disproved, they can only be proven, that is why everybody thinks theyâ€™re right.â€
At work I read the beginning of the most fascinating Science Fiction book Iâ€™ve ever read, called Childhoodâ€™s End. Practice lasted for 2 hours â€“ afterwards we went out the Sea Witch to check it out. Do you know? Fred told me his father offered to buy him a cabinet and a speaker but Fred had to turn him down because Fred has not told him about the accident with Mr. Nelsonâ€™s Volvo yet. Damn! If Fred hadnâ€™t ruined the Volvo we could have been $800 ahead. On Thursday our publicity pictures are supposed to be developed on a contact sheet. (Thereâ€™s so many details to take care of for the H.R.â€™s)
January 12th, 1977
Today was truly a day of love. I woke and drove to Robinâ€™s. We went to the beach and then went to her place where we made brownies, drank tea and kissed. The feeling there is very strong. I donâ€™t think Iâ€™ve ever experienced such a strong attraction so soon. I asked if I could spend tomorrow night with her and she said yes, 11pm! Then I went to Deniseâ€™s we made love twice (2V.) drank 3 San Miguelâ€™s â€“ she bought us some dinner at McDonaldâ€™s. I think I may have discovered a formula. Be at a girlâ€™s apartment late at night and ask her: â€œCould I spend the night?â€ If I was the girl, I couldnâ€™t resist!
January 13th, 1977
What a great day! Ahh! The sweetness of it all. The beauty of life. It is my spirit, which is most essential to life. It pulls me through this unknown wonderland called Life on Earth. Fred and I decided on the amplification system for our guitars – $1900. My Father informed me our pictures are ready and blow-ups are being made. I went to Robinâ€™s. We made love twice (1V.). It is true, when you make love with a woman she falls in love with you. Robin better take control. I want a strong woman. This year is incredible. So far it is 13 of the most exciting days of my life!
January 14th, 1977
I woke at Robinâ€™s. Sheâ€™s in love with me. I got a very bitchinâ€™ letter from Irene today. She finally opened up to me. She told me how much she likes me and respects me. It was very bitchinâ€™. We had a great time at practice tonight. We started rocking out. Thatâ€™s how I want to end up. Fred and I put $40 down on the amplifier today â€“ and acoustic 470. Weâ€™re on our way â€“as the song says. And every day I feel bitchinâ€™. I am always in a good mood and everybody likes me, it seems. Big item: starting February 1st Iâ€™ll be working full time at Hertz â€“ big bucks for the trip.
January 15th, 1977
This afternoon Tom gave me $50 which we put down on the amp. We owe $330.86. We traded my Univox amp for 2 guitar stands. Denise and I got in a spat over the phone, so Fred and I went to Taylorâ€™s. Tom, Hal and me went from there to a party. Terry Trip and I were associating a little together tonight. Gee, I think she is beautiful! My car battery is totally dead. What to do? I am reading a very bitchinâ€™ book called â€˜Childhoodâ€™s Endâ€™ by the guy who wrote 2001. I love reading. It turns you on to such broad ideas. My personal power is very strong today!!!!!
January 16th, 1977
I worked from 12-8. Tom came over after dinner and we had a discussion with my father that I felt was very fruitful. Then I taught him some scales and we wrote a bass line to â€˜Canadian Sky.â€™
Dear Reader, it is really quite incredible the turn my life is taking. Everyday is so utterly full. Every Moment builds the excitement. My dreams are rapidly becoming reality. The Hopeless Romantics are beginning to become almost a legend in our immediate area â€“ people are beginning to take notice and are taking a few Moments to consider that we are making progress on the road to fame.
January 17th, 1977
I worked from 7-3. I made love to Denise after work (2V.) Iâ€™ll see her Wednesday night. Success to me now â€“ on a day to day basis â€“ seems to be based on how much progress I can make with the H.R.â€™s and with women and how I can improve my financial and general living conditions and to get prepared for June 19. The next 2 weeks Iâ€™ll deposit $48.02 to Florida â€“ along with the $95.50 from the State makes $1000! Then Iâ€™ll pay off Denise $70 â€“ Then everything I make will go to the H.R.â€™s. Tonight we decided to play â€˜The World We Both Knewâ€™ for the next K101 contest. I phoned Robin and have a date with her Friday at 10:15pm.
January 18th, 1977
My life is incredible! I know itâ€™s going to happen. In fact, I am so sure it is going to happen that I am going to copy my â€œgoalsâ€ and mail them registered mail to myself with a letter enclosed predicting my success. We got our 8â€ x 11â€ publicity pictures back today. Wow, do they look neat! I got my report card. I got 2 Aâ€™s, 1 B and a credit in accounting â€“ a 3.67. Probably the most exciting news I have today is this: Fred said he told his Dad about the car getting wrecked and his Dad took it lightly. His Dad asked him how much money we needed. Fred thinks his Dad might make an investment in the H.R.â€™s! When Fred told me this I just got this funny feeling that we are going to get the money (on 3-3-76?) â€“ Iâ€™ve just got this premonition! This year will prove too much for mere words. I have a feeling â€“ a good one- about â€™77.
January 19th, 1977
On Friday morning at 10am we have an appointment with one of the biggest promoters in the Bay Area, Alan King! I compiled the start of the third Volume of songs today â€œAnticipationâ€, and entered my favorite lyrics â€˜From the Bottom To the Top.â€™ I made love (2V) with Denise tonight. Fred ate over at my house for dinner, I ate over at his for lunch. The state of my mind right now is too incredibly great even to attempt to describe it. Everything is going my way! Mrs. Clymer said she spent $40 just on food for the 5 of us for tomorrow night! The H.R.â€™s went running today. It was bitchinâ€™. I mailed that letter off to Irene. â€œSexualâ€ endeavors are the gateway to the â€œMagical.â€ I love that song I wrote today!
January 20th, 1977
In the morning I took care of a lot of paperwork, organizing my scrapbooks. I got fired today from Hertz because I refused to fill out an accident report on Tuesday â€“ oh well! I had the best dinner. I have ever had in my life tonight. Marty, Jeff, Gary, Tom and me â€“ the 1st course was steamed clams, then scallops, then 2 lobster tails with scalloped potatoes (a la Bernadetteâ€™s recipe) and string beans. Afterwards I had 2 ham sandwiches and 3 pieces of chicken. (1V with Denise.) Iâ€™m sending $48.02 to Florida. Thereâ€™s a bout a 90% chance that within 3 weeks Iâ€™ll have an even $1000 in the bank and free of debt! Remember my MGTA stock? Since I sold it, it went from $1.40 to $7.40 a share! Woe is me!
January 21st, 1977
We talked to Alan King this morning at 10am. He told us to come back at 10am on Tuesday with a tape recording on cassette tape of a few of our songs â€“ preferably without drums just so he â€œcan get a feeling for our harmonies and song writing abilities.â€ We went to the Canadian Consulate to find that we must have a contract if we want to get a work permit. After wedding rehearsal where the H.R.â€™s were complimented on their work, I went to Robinâ€™s. After a pleasant chat we went to bed where she informed me a high bacteria count made it unwise to have intercourse for 2 weeks. We still had fun!
January 22nd, 1977
I woke in the usual happy manner that accompanies my stays at Robinâ€™s apartment and arrived late at Fredâ€™s house. We practiced for the wedding and at 6pm we met at Green Hills to play for Martyâ€™s wedding. We received many, many nice compliments on our singing. I met a 24 year-aold girl Â½ Italian, Â½ Swedish who lives on Union St. S.F., phone number 776-8127 named Karin Valentine who is about a 10! I found her very interesting. I invited her, her sister and friend Aggie to Clymerâ€™s house where we all got very high and we sang for about 75 minutes. Karin passed out on Clymerâ€™s bed and, dear diary, Iâ€™m going to phone her next week.
January 23rd, 1977
I am laying on my bed now â€“ it is 1am. The Hopeless Romantics no longer seem a fantastic dream to me â€“ it just seems clear what we need to do. It is clear because we have just spent 3 hours with my Dad and he has helped us organize our path. The three of us just took a walk under the starts and we decided â€“ money by music (i.e. We will make the money needed for equipment by performing) just at this time the thought of Karin runs through my mind â€“ she is beautiful. Even with the knowledge that she is way out of my class. I canâ€™t help paying attention to my intuition, which tells me I have what it takes to know her more personally.
January 24th, 1977
The order of the diary was simple enough â€“ I retrieved our cassette from Christabelle and we placed Energy on it as our last song. We didnâ€™t have practice due to my inability to fix my brakes in time â€“ instead Denise came over and made love (2V.) to me. Again Karin flows through my mind â€“ under what pretense can I call her and arrange to spend February 12th with her â€“as planned 13 months ago? Also â€“ will my plan bulldoze over the question of school and work? According to my long laid plan I wonâ€™t go to school this semester. This seems crucial. I hope something comes along to make it easy for me to spend this spring in other fashions.
January 25th, 1977
I would rate today up with the biggies â€“ everything went so smoothly and so well. We had our most exciting meeting yet with Al King. On the business end of it he told us to come back sometime this week with about 6 of our best sets of lyrics in typewritten form. On the subtle side, he talks our language and seems to have caught on to the fact we want to make it big – big!! As far as his credentials go letâ€™s just say he has proved to us to be big enough to take us anywhere. Denise took me out for dinner and made love to me. At 7 p.m. the Hopeless Romantics decided on seven songs to show Al King â€“ probably Thursday.
January 26th, 1977
I prepared the lyrics (for our meeting with Alan King) first thing this morning â€“ and then I rushed off to Robinâ€™s house at 11am where I spent the entire day. Her and I are having a moratorium on sex for 9 more days until her bacteria clears up. She reminds me a lot of Joan Nelson â€“ very good natured (The variations today were of the 3rd type.) Soon I will have $1000 in the bank. Tomorrow I get my last paycheck form Hertz. I am determined to call Karin on Thursday at 6:45pm. If possible I am going to get her to bring some of her beautiful friends to K101 and scream.
January 27th, 1977
Today was another â€œbest day of my life.â€ Everything went so smoothly! I sent out my last deposit from Hertz â€“ soon my balance will be $1000. Al King all but said he was our manager. Quote: â€œI am going to do everything I can to help you.â€ He loves us. Itâ€™s so great. Thereâ€™s too much to tell, to list here. And dreams! I phoned Karin and she was so nice to me! â€“ she told me to phone back â€“ she agreed to the K101 deal! Her sister and I were talking â€“ me: â€œIâ€™ll phone back in a week or so.â€ Cathie: â€œNot so long!!â€ Cathie even apologized that Karin could not speak longer because she had to get ready for an audition. In short, they love me. And K101 is slowly being organized â€“ itâ€™s going to be fantastic. Plan: Phone Wednesday at 9:42pm â€“ set up date for February 12th. The faithful reader will see whatâ€™s happening!
January 28th, 1977
The H.R.â€™s are having problems with the advent of other people on the scene â€“ my father â€“ Al King â€“ the social and power structure seems to be breaking down. Tom and I decided tonight that he and I must â€œget togetherâ€ again like we used to. We are the decision makers â€“ together we supply the necessary motivation to get the job done and diary, form a personal viewpoint â€“ it works like this. I originate the ideas â€“ I convince Tom and he accepts them as his own ideas â€“ then there are 2 people behind the idea. Itâ€™s usually easy to convince Fred after that. Iâ€™d say our biggest problems are financial. If we can get over that weâ€™ll be on our way once and for all. I made love to Denise tonight in exquisite fashion. She looked very cute.
January 29th, 1977
The meeting with my father today proved very fruitful. We completed all the News Releases for the H.R.â€™s and go the planning done for the K101 concert. Dear diary, money I need. By June I have to be set. In June I will be happy cause the H.R.â€™s will have everything we need. Probably a manager too. â€œIf I had money I could do anything!â€ I still have to at least take a stab to get Giovanna out here and February 12th. I wonder if I am really careful if I can get Karin? Let me make a list of the girls â€“ C.T., J.M., Karin, Nuria, Irene. â€“ I went out with Denise again tonight â€“ She is falling in love with me again â€“ But I donâ€™t want it anymore. A pretty new girlfriend would change me!
January 30th, 1977
Helen completed the letterhead for the H.R.â€™s â€“ it is exquisite. My Dad typed up, the Newâ€™s Releases. I typed out 2 of our songs. I more or less completed the rough draft of our 62nd song. I called Robin at midnight. Tentatively Iâ€™ll see her Wednesday. My father suggested we wait until Wednesday to see Alan King. My father said heâ€™ll pay me $4 an hour to do this simple work for him! Yeah! I spent the day with Denise. Diary, Karin wants me â€“ Iâ€™ll find a use for myself in her eyes â€“ I hope â€“ oh! I had a marvelous French dinner at Deniseâ€™s house with a bottle of Chablis. I phoned Rick Rosen but he wasnâ€™t home. I want to start writing to Bernadette and Paddy and Giovanna.
January 31st, 1977
Prediction â€“ by the time the H.R.â€™s have reached the 1000 hour practice mark they will have done something or gotten something that will make up for all the time and money invested. We had a very good â€“ full â€“ equipment practice tonight at BIS. R. Rosen came by to see us. He stayed for about 1Â½ hours. We got 250 sheets of type paper printed up with our H.R. name on it. Diary, I have some kind of physical affliction that is like the flu but with it comes a depression-type thought pattern. Iâ€™ve been very sedated the last few days. Denise came by after practice and made love to me. I took 3 pills of Niacin when I got home hoping it would help my ailment.
February 1st, 1977
[2.5/629] â€œDenise will be furious! So many things to do! Seeing Robin leaves me no time. But diary, this is the way I like it. I like to have too many things to do!â€
Indulge myself â€“ thatâ€™s what I do! Every opportunity to provide myself with pleasure I use. I donâ€™t know if itâ€™s a good system but itâ€™s what I do. Well, either my illness has lifted or good things really are happening to me. I took in my 1st 4 classes of the school term. I came home to find a card from Giovanna saying only, â€œI wish you a Happy New Year.â€
Diary, I admit to you it sent a feeling of joy through my body. I must really love that girl. I was invited to the snow from Thursday to Sunday. Penny and Gail said Denise couldnâ€™t come. It suddenly occurred to me the possibility that Terry Trip likes me â€“ sheâ€™ll be there. When I think of it sheâ€™s always been nice to me. It will prove to be an interesting weekend. Tonight Fred mentioned his bequeathment on his 21st birthday and its possibilities. Well, it would be nice but I wonâ€™t expect anything. At any rate weâ€™re still going to CANADA!
February 2nd, 1977
Unbelievable! 1st â€“ after breakfast the H.R.â€™s went to K101 in S.F. and talked to Terry Smith who told us the concert on the 16th is a battle of past champions and there will be a prize and another prize through write in votes. We didnâ€™t have to ask him â€“ he already had us playing dead last! We stuffed 35 envelopes with a personal H.R. letter and gave them to K101 telling them to put 4 tickets in each. When we walked into Al Kings Office he immediately hit us with a proposition to get together with a drummer he knows to make an album at a cost of $2500. We told Al about the K101 deal and he said to have those 3 models I know to bring our guitars up to the stage. I phoned Karin â€“ who talked to me while she was taking a bath â€“ and she said it sounded like a wonderful idea. I suggested and she accepted to phone at 10 oâ€™clock the Saturday beforehand to collaborate with her on it. Diary, Al can now be considered our manager for he says he carries no contracts with anyone and Iâ€™d say heâ€™s interested in us! Wouldnâ€™t you? Spent the night at Robinâ€™s!
February 3rd, 1977
As we open another chapter in the seemingly endless adventures of Jeff Shea we find him high in the mountains of Lake Tahoe with a beer in his hand, food in his mouth, surrounded by good partying friends and lots of pretty girls. Waking up at Robinâ€™s apartment Jeff went to school and when he arrived home he got prepared for a 4 day vacation to Lake Tahoe, compliments of Gail Chapmanâ€™s parents cabin in the Tahoe area. His night was highlighted by a walk in the moonlit snow-covered fields with Tomâ€™s girlfriend Diane. The snow glistened like diamonds as they walked to and fro. The sky was clear and cloudless. The air was so brisk that 5 minutes out in it was enough to rejuvenate the most tired partier. (Itâ€™s wonderful to get away â€“ the only danger of home life is in forgetting this truth.)
February 4th, 1977
The most important aspect of this diary, I feel, is the use of it as a record â€“ success, I feel, is primarily pre-meditated and this diary should show my premeditations of success and my achievement of those things I have desired. The reader should take not of the February 12th phenomena of which much forethought has gone into â€“ on February 12th I should break up with Denise and meet a new, beautiful girl who I will make love to within a week from that date and she will be my girlfriend until I leave for Canada. All this sounds impossible and may well be so, but their origins are my desire. Also I am supposed to have $10,000 by the time we leave for Canada. I can only think of one feasible way to accomplish this â€“ a contract with a record company â€“ could happen!
February 5th, 1977
11am Plan for today â€“ Take 2 hour hike â€“ finish chords for H.R.â€™s practice. 1 hour on bass with Hock. 1 hour lead with Fred â€“ eat 3 good meals â€“ kiss Terri â€“ win some money at casino â†’
I took a hike. I finished all but 9 of our 61 songs â€“ Tom and I practiced for about an hour. I lost about $9 at the casinoâ€™s. Socially, itâ€™s pretty fucked but despite it all Iâ€™ve gotten a lot of chord work done.
February 6th, 1977
I just arrived home. I feel sort of vague and confused â€“ the image of those people telling lies about me hurts my feelings â€“ coupled with the fact Denise told me to get fucked more or less the other day on the phone. The reality I have faced in the last few days seems so terribly different from my own impressions of myself. I phoned Robin and Iâ€™m spending the night with her. See ya later!
February 7th, 1977
I started feeling better today. We had a fairly decent practice tonight. Tomâ€™s voice has made drastic improvements. We picked up our publicity photos and that should be fun to send them out to everyone. I am going to use all my charms to get in Karinâ€™s dress. Everything seems so utterly perfect. My method of success works to utter perfection sometimes. I feel tense waiting for K101 to happen. I feel so sure of victory â€“ so positively certain that we are going to win the contest hands down and the write in votes. I really believe things are going to happen now. I had one of the best pokes in my life tonight. Denise came by and we fucked each otherâ€™s lights out. I felt like such a stud.
February 8th, 1977
Iâ€™m kind of tired right now â€“ but what a day itâ€™s been! Things seem normal again. Going places is done by Thinking, Happiness is made by Doing. The highlight of today was talking about the 3 models that are going to help us â€“ I just have a feeling I am going to make love to Karin. And theyâ€™ll help us win the concert! Also an appointment with Mike Moore tomorrow at 8 p.m. at Fredâ€™s house. We practiced The World We Both Knew 3 hours tonight â€“ and boy are we sounding good. We mailed all the rest of the publicity things to magazine and friends or almost all of them. I prepared a letter to Paddy and one to Carla and one to Bernadette. I phoned Robin and Iâ€™ll be over at her place at 3:30 p.m. tomorrow afternoon. The H.R.â€™s had their first 8 am workout at Mills this morning.
February 9th, 1977
Things became resolved today â€“ in my mind. Whatever force is causing these things to happen I love and I believe it is inside myself. I worked for Grammy today and she gave me $20. I told her all about my problems with school, etc. I went to Robinâ€™s and we made love for the first time in the afternoon. It was exquisite â€“ she has the warmest wettest pussy and the nicest body I have ever experienced â€“ though Iâ€™ve set my sights on Karin. We talked to Mike Moore tonight for 4 hours. The outcome: We can get studio time with all technicians for $10 an hour. I want to but a whole album. Mike told us to figure out the songs we want to do and it goes like this: The Task of Arranging, etc. â€“ is more than a full time job. At the right time Dadâ€™s gonna hear in a pleasant style how I am not going to school. As far as Tahoe â€“ Ignore anything that bothers you unless it is necessary to take actions to save your neck.
February 10th, 1977
Here I am lately â€“ worrying about everything â€“ bogged down! Did you ever think of the one quality that every successful person ever had (besides knowing what they wanted?) that pushed their success? â€“ From the 1st caveman who beat up the other guy for food or territory to the every detail of modern living â€“ youâ€™ve got to be an asshole to get what you want. To quote an old saying â€“ â€œnice guys finish last.â€ I am going to try it for awhile. People with power arenâ€™t there because people always like them but either because people fear them or are powerless against them.
February 11th, 1977
[2.5/737.5] â€œAs Fred said, when you start out trying you already have the wrong attitude. Youâ€™ve got to do!â€
Written 12:15am February 11th â€“ Everything is resolved. I called Denise, Robin decided to go to school. Today I feel great! I have cut loose and everything is going my way â€“ it is the beginning of great times. Trying to break up with Denise whoâ€™s sapping my strength. Donâ€™t try to do destructive things. â€“ I am writing this Saturday morning. I canâ€™t even imagine why I was unhappy all last week. I have decided to go to school.
Yesterday I helped my grandmother and then we had a full practice with John and Tim. â€œThe World We Both Knewâ€ sounds real good. Denise took me to a motel and we made love 4x. In the morning, Sat., today I phoned Karin Valentine and she said sheâ€™d be delighted to help us at K101 and she described when, where, etc, the show takes place â€“ to show sheâ€™s thinking. She said I could probably come by tomorrow (13th) and to give her a call at noon. I canâ€™t imagine why I was sad â€“ the H.R.â€™s have come such a long way from the attic in October!! Such a long way! Iâ€™m overjoyed!!!!
February 12th, 1977
â€œI am writing this Jan. 28th. I need a good-looking girlfriend â€“ I have been plagued with so-so looking females. Sometime today â€“ Feb. 12th I will be with my new girlfriend.â€
In reference to the above prediction it is more or less true. The fact was that Karin was busy today with her work and her parents but told me to call her tomorrow at noon and said she should probably be available. Admittedly she is a long way, seemingly, from being my girlfriend, but I am going to live up to my Â½ of our relationship 100%. But that is no worry â€“ just concentrate on getting a new girl. Tom and I went running today, got in shape, got a tan and went swimming. I saw Love and Death tonight at the theatre with Rick Rosen. I finished typing up the lyrics and I chose the 12 songs I want to record. I feel very healthy and good-looking today. All life seems to loom before me like paradise and I am content with my accomplishments and my dreams for the days to come. Apparently K101 sent out the 2nd batch of tickets. Irene may not make it. It is a call in vote so weâ€™d better get lots of people to phone K101 after we play. Weâ€™re gonna win!! Boy, do I feel good!!!!!
February 13th, 1977
â€œI seem to have had a dream of a new girlfriend on Sunday evening in February.â€
I have found one word to describe what I want to be â€“ above all else â€“ an Epicurean â€“ definition: one who believes that the greatest good in life is pleasure. I want to experience the most pleasurable life ever lived. I played tennis with Denise today â€“ made love (1V.) I watched 2001 with Robin and spent the night with Robin and made love and Christabelle phoned me. I talked to those models and not only have they agreed to bring our guitars on stage but they will all come with us to the audition Tuesday! I believe one of the most important parts of my goals is the line: â€œMy success is assuredâ€ â€“ what a perfect and wonderful thing to affirm. It feels great to realize one of my adolescent and childhood problems was having phobias and that they were never real! â€œGolden Gate exit to Franklin to Union â€“ left on union â€“ 1 block to Gough â€“ 1712 Union, corner union and Gough â€“ Apt #301. â€“ Directions to the modelâ€™s apartment. Robin said she was fascinated with my tape of Jack Harpster.
February 14th, 1977
Boy am I tired! Iâ€™m tired because I ran about 2 Â½ miles today in the sand on a hot day at the beach. My skin has color again! It sure drains you to run like that! We practiced tonight and I guess we smoothed out the rough edges of The World We Both Knew. I lifted some weights today with Tom. My body looks great. I feel run down, diary. I should start thinking of music as a good time again because sometimes I get too serious about it. There is no use getting upset about something, which I like to so much. I have got to remember to take a silent treatment every day. They really keep me going sometime. A lot of hard, fun work has gone into K101. Weâ€™ve done a much better job of preparing than we did last time. Tom is worrying me â€“heâ€™s being rather odd lately. Is it possible for every thing to out the way I want it to? Sure!
February 15th, 1977
[.5/645] â€œWe got our picture in the S.M. times yesterday.â€
I got school squared away today. I arrived at the Valentineâ€™s and Jim Romeo was there! â€“ they poured me some wine and when I finished we left. We got to the rehearsal â€“ the Valentineâ€™s – forget the rationalizations â€“ left angrily from the rehearsal. We played â€œEnergyâ€ and â€œThe World We Both Knew.â€ K101 persuaded us to use Energy for the show. I predicted to my angry friends that weâ€™d probably get to play both of them. One of the DJâ€™s told me he really liked Energy and that it would make â€œa great single.â€ As I was walking out I heard John Perry say, â€œShea!â€ He came to me and asked me if weâ€™d ever done any demo recordings. He told us that when he got back in mid-March (March 15th) to give him a call and if we were interested we could do some recording down at the station. We mentioned (it seemed intentional) that he had good friend thatâ€™s wit the Record Factory! I slept at Robins.
February 16th, 1977
Good news, We WON!!!!!!!
We became the champions of the champions!!!
Weâ€™re on our way. I predict this will lead us to a record contract!!!!
Made love to Robin when we awoke at 11:13am and was off to lunch Italian style with John H. We practiced Energy at Fredâ€™s and left at 4pm. I slept â€˜til 7 p.m. – put something in my stomach, picked up Hockridge and arrived at K101 at 9pm. Waiting for me was a telegram from Irene. It said, â€œGive it your all tonight and thatâ€™s when Iâ€™ll be dancing.â€ We went on at about 10:20pm and played Energy flawlessly â€“ as we were putting down our stuff the crowed roared for an encore and James Gabber gave the O.K. and we played â€œThe World We Both Knewâ€ â€“ flawlessly. During the voting we tied with a ventriloquist and after the runoff they declared she and we both won! A reporter from the Examiner took down 2 pages of notes from me. Terry was vying for us! I stayed up until 6:50am â€“ at about 5am a real cute waitress invited herself to have coffee with us â€“and we await our victory check for $101.00.
February 17th, 1977
â€œ2 hours sleep and another day!!â€
(Note: last night sources related that K101 announced the following â€“ â€œafter the intermission weâ€™ll have a number more groups and the Hopeless Romanticsâ€ â€“ we were plugged!)
Today, after 2 hours of sleep, I suddenly awoke for school. I attended all four classes, came home, made love to Denise and went to my grandmotherâ€™s for dinner. What a meal! First both a coleslaw and salad with fresh rolls, then pan-boiled potatoes, delectably prepared string beans, homemade applesauce with soft lemon peels and last but not least a pork roast that was, without doubt the most tender, tasty, succulent pork I have ever eaten. Wine was served with dinner.
Afterwards Aunt Maryâ€™s chocolate chip cookies were served and a chocolate layer caked filled with creams and such and tea. Oh yes! Even before all this was started egg rolls, which too were delicious, were served. Everyone was very interested in my performance. The general consensus was that we sounded tight, looked professional and wrote good songs. Oh, I sent the passbook out for my $1000.00 mark in my bank account!
February 18th, 1977
I had a good nightâ€™s sleep last night. I helped Hock get his car started and then we picked up some (10) copies of the S.M. Times for 15 cents each because they had our picture in them. We had a great enchilada lunch on the Deanâ€™s and used their back porch and swimming pool for a few hours. The H.R.â€™s had practice at 6:30 p.m. for voice and it went off quite well. Tom told us that he was going to Santa Barbara, leaving us to get the postcards out! I was very pissed! I went over to Robinâ€™s. We made love on the living room floor by candlelight â€“ it was very, very nice. Due to Denise and Robin both complaining that I talked too much about myself and donâ€™t listen to others, I have started omitting the 2 words â€˜myâ€™ and â€˜Iâ€™ from my vocabulary â€“ observe the following page.
February 19th, 1977
On this page the pronouns â€˜Iâ€™ and â€˜myâ€™ will not be found after this sentence! In the morning the chords were typed into the lyrics on a number of Hopeless Romantic songs and afterward Denise was visited. She helped address 100 postcards to K101 voting for the H.R.â€™s. She prepared a fabulous meal of chuck steak, huge potatoes with sour cream and cream of chicken soup. Afterwards she treated for a showing of Felliniâ€™s â€˜Casanova.â€™ The movie was blasphemous of the great lover and untrue to actual history. It coincided with the memoirs very little in actuality. The costumes were magnificent! After the move Denise was made love to. One comment â€“not using the pronouns mentioned on the 1st line makes one feel very un-self-conscious, which is the way to be!
February 20th, 1977
â€œUp at 12 noon! I went to bed at 10pm!!!â€
Today has sure been great! I havenâ€™t walked outside once. I stayed around the house and typed lyrics, wrote postcards with Fred, did some cleaning. Tonight I wrote a bitchinâ€™ song – lyrics and all, called â€˜Over You.â€™ I have no doubt it will be readily accepted and a hit in no time. Itâ€™s pure Beatles â€“ with a twist of Hopeless Romantics. Dinner tonight was great â€“ roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy â€“ I hope I get fat! Most of all, I learned today that I have been too sensitive lately. Ever since Tahoe I have taken to heart all comments made about me â€“ Dad instructed me tonight that I am over-conscientious and my attitude should always be one of â€œDo I care?â€ â€“ because I am good enough as it is. What good advice!!! Cause I feel great!! Just wait â€˜til I tell off Hockridge!!! And I love to use the word I! I, I, I, I, I!!!! I owe Dad $69 Denise $65 = $134 and Iâ€™m getting $210 back form the government. Perhaps Iâ€™ll borrow some money from Gram and pay off most of the amp!! Everythingâ€™s looking up! Iâ€™m positive the H.R.â€™s will be stars!!!
February 21st, 1977
That song â€œOver Youâ€ is still a lot of fun to sing. I mustâ€™ve song it 8 or 9 times today.
I am in bed again at 10pm. What a wonderful feeling to go to bed chipper instead of tired! Today I got 50 of 62 songs completely ready for copying and the last 12 should be done before I go to school in the morning. Denise and I mailed 169 of 197 postcards mailed by the H.R.â€™s to K101, made love twice, better than in a long time, took a walk in the rain on Sawyer Camp Road, (2V). She treated me to McDonaldâ€™s. Fred phoned to tell me that Tim Pershing said he and John would join the H.R.â€™s!!!! What a turn of fate â€“ hey thatâ€™s great. Just what we need til June â€“ I said before John would be our drummer â€“ for a while. Fred said tomorrow heâ€™s going to drop off $110 to Don Weberâ€™s for the amplifier. Fred is going a hell of a lot of work for his Dad. His Dad is apparently taking interest in us. I think I may be having my last growing spurt. Signs â€“ zits on my face â€“ extreme horniness! My Dad tried to write some lyrics for the H.R.â€™s â€“ Success â€“ if something bothers you turn it off â€“ turn your mind to something else. The reason it bothers you is â€˜cos your mind is still undecided. I was up at 6am today.
February 22nd, 1977
I am sitting â€“ rather, lying â€“ in my bed sipping Gran Marnier at midnight and I can honestly say this is the worst thing thatâ€™s happened to me in weeks! I am writing this page with my lucky pen â€“ the one that Bernadette left before she returned to Europe. I need some luck â€“ â€˜cos Iâ€™ve got a few problems right now â€“ and my lucky pen says that all my problems will be solved in a weekâ€™s time and all will be bright and guy â€“ I believe it will work! All my problems boil down to one thing, money. So Iâ€™ll have to earn some money quick. Then everything will be O.K. â€“ so all I have to do is earn some dough by next week and my prediction will be true. I guess everything else is splendid. I had a great dinner over at my grandmotherâ€™s house today. I attended school and I practiced with the H.R.â€™s. I had a message that Michael Moore phoned to talk to me. Tom got back safe and sound from S.B. and he and I had a heart â€“ to â€“ heart talk about our problems. Heâ€™s a hell of a guy. Diary, after all Iâ€™ve said I donâ€™t want to break up with Denise. Diary, Iâ€™m going to earn some money â€“ watch! That Gran Marnier was very nice!
February 23rd, 1977
[647.5] â€œThe meeting tonight with Dad was a fiasco â€“ he was intoxicated. I was embarrassed, etc. but after Tom and I took a walk my Dad and I talked. I told him I thought he was the greatest guy in the world â€“ he liked that!â€
The lucky pen I wrote with yesterday seems to be taking effect â€“ today was fabulous. It was, a sudden change of attitude. Denise phoned me at 5pm and told me they just announced that the H.Râ€™s won the write in vote. Now, dear Diary, this is something that I will admit only to you â€“ Denise asked me to phone K101 to discover the actual count and upon doing so Jerry said he counted personally and we won with 231 votes â€“ 2nd place was 206 votes and 3rd place was 201 votes â€“ now I told everyone I donâ€™t know what the actual count was because we sent in 197 cards and there wasnâ€™t much actual response. I figure its better to let people get excited and believe thousands were listening. Denise was so happy she treated me to dinner at the Aquarium. Sheâ€™s great. We made love. I got 3 great tapes of the concert tonight. I phoned Robin and Iâ€™ll see her tomorrow at 8pm.
I have finally broken the depression that has been bothering me lately. I feel so good and I am now enjoying the success that I have created. Boy do I feel good!!! Hopeless Romantics Get Write In Vote Winners Again!!!
February 24th, 1977
â€œMy Dad. I have finally deduced is very low on love. Before I leave for Canada I must love him all I can and let him know I love him.â€
School was interesting today. My geometry teacher said heâ€™d give me his textbook. I made love to Denise after school and she gave me a great blowjob. After a good meatloaf dinner I went to Robinâ€™s and we made love for about 30 minutes. I fucked her very well but she has a stigma â€“ a mental block of some kind, which I canâ€™t define, which keeps me from having a real good time. But sheâ€™s loving, which is most important.
Here are some predictions. By the time the H.R.â€™s have practice 700 hours they will (at least) have a demo recording lined up. By the 800 hour mark they will have recorded a demo, by 900 hours they will have a record contract lined up or the rights to at least one of their songs lined up to be bought or will have made money through their music and by the 1000 hour mark will be equipped, ready to go to Canada with a meeting arranged in Florida â€“ Miami for September, 1977 with a record company man and will have someone who can help them behind them and understanding the principles of the H.R.â€™s success.
February 25th, 1977
â€œFULL PAGE ARTICLE IN EXAMINER!â€
Today was the best day of my life. I hope someday I can say that about every day because everyday is actually that much better than the last one. I am laying here in my beautiful nude body with the recollections of a great day. I woke at Robinâ€™s. I drove to Gamâ€™s â€“ and visited with my Mom and Vic. My Mom finally gave me the impression she likes me again (so much animosity leaves me!) She gave me a bitchinâ€™ Costa Rican shirt. I asked my Gram to lend me $143.87, which the government owes me and she gladly did. Practice was nothing short of inspirational and we wrote a bitchinâ€™ song. There was a very complimentary article in the paper and the whole last paragraph quoted me saying about â€œLuck and friendsâ€ and Andy finished off the article saying â€œmany a star had been born with less.â€ Tonight I wrote the bitchinâ€™-est song I have ever wrote personally and Iâ€™m titling it â€œAdventure.â€ The lyrics must pass â€“ theyâ€™re really quite good â€“ and I retrieved my mark-book, which shows a balance of $1000.00 â€“ I am rich -!!! I love money.
February 26th, 1977
Note: Start giving yourself silent treatments and super suggestions every day â€“ they really help!
Lately I have been overwhelmed with positive-ness â€“I am learning to â€“
1) Forge ahead on feeling and intuition
2) Rely totally on my own â€“ not on others impressions of the Moment
3) Consider myself first
4) Be aggressive and take all sorts of chances to do bitchinâ€™ things that I might ordinarily be apprehensive of doing for stupid limiting fears get in my way â€“ no more!
Talked to Mike Moore, he suggested we might have some material his brother could use on his demo. We are supposed to meet with him probably next Wednesday night and go up and look at the studio. I made very passionate love to Denise today and played tennis with her. Marty, Tom and I sat at Martyâ€™s house tonight and drank lots of beer. Marty said â€“ with plenty of stipulations â€“ that in a year he will have access to a great amount of capital and would consider investing $40-$60,000 in the H.R.â€™s!!!
February 27th, 1977
â€œH.R. Day! H.R.â€™s Decide to ask John H. To join (semi-permanent.)â€
I want to stress the importance of having a Silent Treatment every day and of doing a Super Suggestion every day. Right now the SS is for goal no. 15 â€“ to be a Master of Finance. Today was totally spent on H.R. activities â€“ I feel great!!! We reviewed â€˜Holding On to the Last Blade of Grassâ€™ on Fredâ€™s piano. My new song â€˜Adventureâ€™ was eagerly accepted. Whilst sunning Fredâ€™s backyard we decided to ask John to join our group with the reservation that our permanent drummer could be someone else. I taught Tom two songs on the bass. I finished all the preparatory work for the printing of the H.R. songbook and Iâ€™ll probably have 5 copes printed tomorrow. Tom and I wrote a 65th song entitled â€“ â€œLike a Godsend.â€ Now the H.R.â€™s want to prompt Tom on the bass and get equipment and a tight quartet sound within 3 months.
February 28th, 1977
â€œJohn agrees! Fred gets Ibanez!â€
Upon waking this morning I checked the want ads in the paper only to find that Don Weirâ€™s and Sound Stage were having big sales so I phoned Fred and he picked me up and we went up to S.F.. He saw a guitar that he really wanted and much to his surprise and our delight his father wrote him a check for the guitar and we got it. It is very beautiful. I ate a roast beef dinner over at Fredâ€™s house and then we went to Tomâ€™s house and told John we wanted him to play with us at practice now and he said heâ€™d give it a try. Tom, Fred and I went over a few new songs and after Fred left I taught Tom a few bass lines. Now he knows 12 songs on the bass. Iâ€™m getting to find out that Tom is a parasite, a liar, a toady especially but on top of it all heâ€™s a nice guy. I phoned Robin at 1am and slept over. Great night!
March 1st, 1977
I woke up at Robinâ€™s and put my dick inside her. I just made a new ruling. If you come inside a girl it is called making love. If you put it in but donâ€™t come I will deem it in the variation category. So she asked me not to come for some reason. So (1V.) â€“ I went directly to school. Look on the right side of the date in this diary starting tomorrow. 2 slashes â€œ//â€ means I took a silent treatment and a super suggestion. One slash /- means a silent treatment. Like this -/ means a Super Suggestion. And â€“ means I didnâ€™t get around to it. I came home from school and Denise came over and we made love â€“ she also gave me a BJ. Then we went to Tanforan and ate some chocolate chip cookies. After a steak dinner â€“ yum! The H.R.â€™s met at Tomâ€™s house and went over a whole mess of songs. Fred put a nice intro on â€œItâ€™s A Cruel World.â€ After he left Tom and I practiced bass for a while and I went home.
March 2nd, 1977 //
I am really tired right now â€“ all day was H.R. business. I arrived home at about 11:20pm and I found a letter from Paddy Mallon which I feel has the fate of the H.R.â€™s in it and is one of the most optimistic letters I have ever received â€“ I am almost sure Paddy says heâ€™d like to give it a try so I am going to save it and open it in the presence of Tom and Fred. Today we met with Al King, who said he had â€œfinally gotten into our headsâ€ and said if we bring in a 45 he will see if he can market it for us. In the afternoon Tom and I practiced bass guitar. In the evening we met with Mike Moore who said heâ€™d play drums with us on a demo and we all went to the recording studio. It has everything weâ€™ll need. Our meeting with Al was historical. He is now our manager. Our dreams are now fact! YIPPIE!
Dear Diary â€“ from J. Shea. Because this is not a leap year I have an extra page. Here I am â€“ middle of the 1st part of the year. I want to go to Canada in June. I havenâ€™t opened up the letter from Paddy yet. Iâ€™ll be very interested to see it. It could give in itself enough impetus to arrange a Canadian Tour. We could tell Al about it, – etc!! Right now the H.R.â€™s are in a beautiful position. What they are looking at is â€“
1) A recording session, possibly two of them
2) Handing a 45 to Al King and
3) Having Al get someone at a big recording company interested.
After that things should really start rolling. And that is exactly what will happen. My personal goals right now are â€“
1) To be free of debt
2) To have spending money and
3) To start investing in equipment. If I can achieve this soon we may be leaving for Canada.
March 3rd, 1977 //
Another March day. Windy at School. The days go by too quickly. Either that or the older I get the more stuff I want to do. I got some neat blue deck shoes. Diary â€“ if I want to be simple about it, I can honestly say my only problem now is money. If I had money my life would be perfect! School â€“ I hate to say it â€“ is terribly boring. After school I made love to Denise and consoled her crying because of silly fears about me and her breaking up. I came home and ate and took it easy around the house. I returned Robinâ€™s call of last night and we made an appointment for tomorrow night. I spent the evening fixing up the master copy of the H.R. songbook. Boy, the H.R.â€™s sure have come a long way. If we can just hold on for a while longer!!!!
March 4th, 1977
â€œWe read Paddyâ€™s letter. Hurrah!!â€
It looks as if all my dreams are going to come true after all. Quote from Paddyâ€™s letter: â€œYou asked me to put all my complications to one side and answer your question, whether or not I would play with you. The answer is yes. I would. Iâ€™d love to.â€ â€œPeople, we are here to express ourselves the best way we can, to you, enjoy â€“ please enjoy.â€
It was, by far, the bitchinâ€™-est letter I have ever received. I let those guys open it. It seemed to have the desired effect. I think it changed their minds. I think weâ€™re going to Canada. All I know is that Iâ€™m going on the 19th of June â€“ regardless. I am going to write Paddy immediately and arrange for a meeting. â€œHe who hesitates is lost.â€ My dreams are going to come true. Tom sounded real good on the bass today at practice. I had a magnificent dinner at Gramâ€™s tonight. When I made love to Robin tonight we did a movement that was extremely sexy-never felt it before. I feel so damn effective!
March 5th, 1977
What a bitchinâ€™ day!! Everything is going so well!! I woke at Robinâ€™s (1V) then drove by Hockâ€™s but he wasnâ€™t home. I waited at my house and Denise came by at about 3:30pm. We got the gas tank filled up and then we went to a Ski Shop that was closing out and I got a bitchinâ€™ jacket for $5 that was a brand-new rental. We drove to Tahoe and I sang very well to pass the time. We got a room at the Balahue at South Shore and drank some beer and walked through the gambling casino. It was a lot of fun. We saw some guy who just won a $1000 jackpot. It was bitchinâ€™. There were also two guys who wee winning a lot at $25 minimum table for blackjack. We went back to the motel and made love and fell asleep (2V). Denise and I are having a real good time.
March 6th, 1977
â€œMy life is so wonderful!!!â€
Today was even better than yesterday. We left the motel at about 11:15pm and drove on the Nevada side of the lake. We stopped for breakfast a little past incline valley. It was a marvelous breakfast with good service. We stopped at Donner Lake and drank 7 beers. On the snow covered beach shores of the lake. We frolicked in the snow for a while â€“ then drove to the Fosterâ€™s in Vacaville. I sang a good part of the way back and we both enjoyed it immensely. When we got back I went to Deniseâ€™s house â€“ then we stopped at Skyline and made love and then she dropped me off at home. I think I wrote some good lyrics about her. â€œNo Words That Will Do.â€ Itâ€™s funny, after all this time Iâ€™m still in love with her.
March 7th, 1977 /-
My intent on going to Canada in June grows every day! Today I wrote a letter to Paddy and also one to Giovanna. I served in the morning and I finished writing a song to Denise â€œNo Words That Will Do.â€ Tom came by in the afternoon and we went over some bass guitar. I went to San Francisco and I picked up 20 copies of the Examiner. I cashed my tax return and re-paid Gammy. She gave me a snack and then Marc, Dad, Donna and I went to dinner at the Magic Pan in celebration of Marcâ€™s birthday. I had pea soup, spinach salad, a seafood crepe and for desert an absolutely delicious Cherries Royal Crepe. Mmm- good! I was late to practice â€“ 10:30 pm! Those guys had been practicing. We went over some songs. A large part of the time was spent discussing Paddy Mallon. I stated that I was going to Canada regardless on the 16th. It was a good day!! Donâ€™t forget SS and ST.
March 8th, 1977 /-
The good things of today. Denise and I made passionate love at 5:30pm. The H.R.â€™s went over â€˜Itâ€™s My Timeâ€™ at Crocker for 1 hour. I received my tax return. Tom and I drank a six-pack after practice and had a good old chat! Iâ€™m going to devote the rest of the page to the bad things: I got a 59/100 one of the lowest grades in the class in Modern Algebra. Boy are my studies lacking. The H.R.â€™s got in a big beef tonight at Crocker. My Mom came by to hear us and we sounded bad. Enough of the bad, but I feel disappointed because we need so much equipment and we donâ€™t have even half of it. I feel crappy and sad. Expectant and disappointed. Got to keep my attitude up!!! I make a prediction that the H.R.â€™s are going to make it bigger than even I ever thought possible!!!
March 9th, 1977 //
â€œGot acoustic amp.â€
Today has been great. I only wish it had been a little longer so I would have continued with my gutty approach to the day. I borrowed $110 from Denise and $100 from Gam and I got the acoustic 470! Itâ€™s beautiful. Itâ€™s 300 watts!!! It took a lot of courage to do but Iâ€™m so happy I did what I did. And then all sorts of neat ideas came to me. I mailed Paddyâ€™s letter and Giovannaâ€™s letter. Iâ€™ll send Paddy a tape â€“ maybe tomorrow. I figure you have to approach life like a game of Monopoly or something â€“ at least financially. As you can see from the marks next to March 9 I did a Super Suggestion from Master of Finance and a S.T.! It really works! I decided that since Iâ€™ve achieved my goals for $1000, my next goal is to get all the equipment for the group. I am determined to have everything! I ate dinner over Gamâ€™s. Next Tuesday at 4pm Uncle Donnie is going to give me an I.Q. test and maybe begin to teach me Slavic! Denise and I made great love tonight! 2V! She said she might be able to get me a part time job! For $5 an hour. I sang her her song â€“ she loved it. I decided to re-arrange my room.
March 10th, 1977 //
There were 18 boxes and I completed 4! Thatâ€™s crappy. But let me tell you â€“ the Acoustic 470 amplifier has proven to be everything I expected and more! Itâ€™s so bitchinâ€™ it has made me realize that equipment is everything â€“ we will, I predict, have all of our equipment by June. I mean 2 acoustic 470â€™s with 4-12â€ Electro Voice in Acoustic bottoms, 2 of them, Seinheiser microphone. Bitchinâ€™ backer bass, etc. The P.A. I would like to have was that $5000 PA in San Anselmo. I like quality. The master of finance Super Suggestion are changing my outlook. You have got to be bold with money!!
March 11th, 1977 //
Iâ€™m sore all over! I canâ€™t figure out â€“ ah ha! I finally figured out why I am so sore! I moved all my furniture around yesterday â€“ Jesus â€“ my whole body â€“ upper body â€“ is aching!!! I had a real good day. I felt light as the breeze today â€“ everything seemed to flow easy as pie. Made love to Denise. She took me out to dinner. My favorite part of the day was when I was practicing at McKinley by myself. I played â€œNo Words Will Doâ€ on the piano and it sounded Far-out! But best of all is my amplifier! I had it on the volume sitting one and it was loud! I mean LOUD! If I had speakers that could take the load I could play at Candlestick Park if I turned it up to 10. I swear to God! Think of the power that thing generates. And there are so many sounds. All I can concentrate on now is getting equipment. I want all our needed good quality equipment now!!!
March 12th, 1977 /-
I stayed home all day today. I got the flu or something â€“ my muscles all hurt. I called Mike Moore in the morning and he agreed to practice with us on Monday night and to meet at Fredâ€™s at 5:45pm on Monday. Iâ€™m supposed to give him a call on Sunday â€“ tomorrow about 7pm. Thatâ€™s pretty cool! I caught up on all my Linear Algebra H.W. today. I spent almost the entire day doing it â€“ the homework that is. Denise came over in the early evening and beat me in a game of scrabble. I phoned Hock and he agreed to practice tomorrow in preparation for Monday night. Irene phoned but Denise was over so I had to hang up. Juanita called and wants me to help her move something and I wonder what else. It was an extremely pleasant day. I like this house. I have a feeling of security. Everythingâ€™s gonna be alright if I can just keep up this attitude.
March 13th, 1977 â€“-
My life is too good to be true! Iâ€™m going to school â€“ getting an education. I have two girlfriends â€“ both of whom make love to me whenever I want and one of which who does me favors of other kinds all the time. I am pursuing, and being quite successful at it, a career in show business â€“ the Hopeless Romantics a group of my friends and I have recently acquired a manager, a drummer, won the highest honors in a local contest! I have a lot of time in which to pursue my songwriting. I have a car, a $1000 in the bank, 2 guitars, a nice wardrobe, and shares in other precise equipment. Due to the kindness of my friends and family I have recently acquired an expensive amplifier, which I have long awaited for. My mental and physical health are perfect. I have no trouble with the law and my debts are minimal.
March 14th, 1977 //
â€œParadise = We Practice with M. Moore.â€
I did a lot of homework around the house today and had a very pleasant time of it. As scheduled Mike Moore drove up to Fredâ€™s house at about 6 and we went to BIS where he unloaded his white drums and proceeded to join us in what was probably our best practice ever. His personality â€“ everything â€“ heâ€™s great. He fits in and he seems interested. I canâ€™t tell you what he was thinking but I can tell you that he wants us to do a tape a week from tomorrow at Crocker School â€“ same time. Diary â€“ this whole thing is incredible. (I talked to Robin â€“ she said she misses me.) I would say we are finally ready to play in some public places â€“ it wouldnâ€™t hurt to make a few bucks!!
March 15th, 1977 â€“-
Very full day â€“ very fun day. The first thing I did was to phone Denise â€“ sheâ€™s mad at me or something â€“ so Iâ€™ll see her tomorrow. I brought my acoustic 470 up to Magic Music and then I put a $2 deposit on that Kasino Speaker cabinet at Guitar Center. I went to school and got quite a bit done. After school I went to Magic Music and picked up my amp. I went to Gammyâ€™s house and took an I.Q. test from Uncle Donnie. It was an Otis-Jensen I.Q. test with 80 possible. I missed 5. Uncle D. told me that only 1 student did as well as me in all the students he has tested. He said it put my I.Q. at about 155! I then proceeded to have a marvelous dinner with Marc, my good brother, Uncle D and my dearest grandmother. I was late to practice but we went to Crocker and went over a few songs and the words on â€˜Fountains in Timeâ€™. It was a fairly good practice. Tom and I had a few drinks, then I went to Juanitaâ€™s but she wouldnâ€™t sleep with me so I went home at Â¼ to 3 am!!!
March 16th, 1977 //
It is 2:20 a.m. Mach 17th, 1977 as this studious young man picks up the pen to scribble down the details of his life in the last 24 hours. Jeff Shea has spent most of the day trying to do his Modern Algebra homework and doing quite well at it. The check from K101 arrived so money orders were made out to John and Tim and Helen was paid back and Dad was also â€“ In addition a certified check was made out to the guitar center for the Kasino amplifier. Denise came by at 4:30 and her and Jeff went to the end of Sneath Lane and fucked like mad for about 22 minutes. It was very satisfying for the couple and they kissed and were close for the next hour or so as they strolled around. Chicken dinner was excellent and the day went so smoothly it canâ€™t be real, but it is! Contradiction â€“ there â€“ for our hypothesis must be wrong. Iâ€™ve been doing too much!!!
March 17th, 1977 //
Today I got up late as usual for a school and I learned a lot when I finally got there. They had a real weird presentation in anthropology but it was kind of neat. I picked up Denise after school and we picked up that Kasino column from Sound Stage. She took me to cleaner at La Victoria restaurant â€“ a small Mexican place at 24th and Alabama. For $2.60 you get an incredibly filling dinner. We were both horny so we went to Lake Merced and I ate her and she ate me. I ate her for about 15 minutes and she came shortly after I went into her. I continued fucking her for about 20 minutes. It was Ooh-la-la!!! She told me how good it felt when she came and I as glad to know she has experienced an orgasm because I always wondered if I even made her come. I beat her in Scrabble 285-205 when we went back to her house.
March 18th, 1977 -/
In the morning I hopped out of bed and before I even had time to do anything I was deeply engrossed in fixing the PA column. I drilled a hole into it and fitted an outlet hole into it. By late afternoon I had eaten and I went to Fredâ€™s house where we went over â€˜Itâ€™s My Timeâ€™ and I developed all new leads for Fred and I and a new chord structure. He fixed me a hamburger. Tom came by about 7:30pm and we went to McKinley and had a very fine practice. We went over â€˜Itâ€™s My Timeâ€™, â€˜Canadian Skyâ€™, â€˜Slow Downâ€™, and â€˜When I Tell You I Love You.â€™ The new column worked tremendously and the PA sounded much better without my guitar running through it. I introduced my new song â€“ To You I Toast and we had a marvelous time playing basketball and go along great. I watched Night Gallery with Tom before I went home.
March 19th, 1977 //
Ahhh! Again I must re-iterate how joyful my life is! I have the intelligence (I.Q. 155) to enjoy things to their fullest extent. Denise presented me with a box of chocolates (an Indian box with assorted Chocolate eggs in it) when I came to pick her up today. We 1st went to the library and then we went to a parking stall by the V.A. hospital where we made love after I got her thoroughly excited by eating her fresh little pussy out. We went to Fishermanâ€™s wharf where I bought us two tall Coors beers and we savagely devoured a fresh crab, fresh French bread and two more beers â€“ treats, from my darling Denise. We made love again before returning to her house, where I beat her in the 3rd consecutive game of Scrabble! We declared our love and I left for home, where I arrived very late and went to bed. I took a few Niacin pills before retiring.
March 20th, 1977 -/
I want, when I read back on these pages years from now, to be proud of the happiness I achieved during the days about which I relate in this book. I am content. Aside from perfect physical well-being, I want to stress that my mind feels well-balanced and harmonious and days fly by without fault. In the passing, I might mention that I have stopped using marijuana and that one of the reasons for my euphoria may be the absence of toxic chemicals induced by that drug. Today I helped my father for $4 an hour and Denise came by and I ate her delectable pussy and beat her in a game of Scrabble. I ate dinner and finished reading that book on African art. A funny thing that happened today was Denise saw part of a page I wrote to Bernadette. â€œMy French Poodle-â€œ she was upset. How to explain to the poor dearâ€¦?
March 21st, 1977 -/
We got quite a bit of work done today. I taught Tom bass lines to Fast Life, Blue Horizon and Buried Treasure. Fred and I went over Slow Down. Fredâ€™s Mom served us some Corbel Champagne while we were practicing. Fred and I were discussing how much weâ€™ve missed out on by not taking pictures of the past yearsâ€™ practices. Thatâ€™s a great idea and it probably wonâ€™t be too long before we start taking pictures at our activities. Fredâ€™s mother served us a delicious feast and then we all went (after getting Tom) to BLS where we got prepared to play with Mike Tomorrow night. After practice we all had a few beers together and all agreed that we should get things moving for â€œwhen we donâ€™t do anything for a few daysâ€ we feel like weâ€™re slipping in our task.
March 22nd, 1977 â€“-
â€œTape made with Moore.â€
At 7pm we all met with Mike Moore, his brother Kevin, his friend Chris and later Jim, set up the equipment inside the stage curtains. We took a couple of takes of each song and ended up with â€˜When I Tell You I Love Youâ€™, â€˜Romantic Nights,â€™ â€˜Slow Down,â€™ and â€˜Itâ€™s My Time.â€™ It sounded pretty good. I sure like Mike Moore. He is a really nice person and he has a great sense of humor. He is young for his 26 years, youthful and full of energy. He mentioned something about â€œthe next time we practice together.â€ He said heâ€™d get in touch in a few days and he would get cassette copies of the tape. Hock and I are getting along great again.
March 23rd, 1977 â€“-
I studied most of the day for my anthropology final and my linear algebra final â€“ well, theyâ€™re midterms. At 4:30 I went to Deniseâ€™s and we made love on her bed â€“ no one was home. It was so good. I hadnâ€™t had an orgasm in about 3 days and I was ripe. Sheâ€™s a great lover. The greatest lover in the world. Why thatâ€™s it! Thatâ€™s the distinction I will give her!!!! I ate dinner over at her house. She beat me in a game of Scrabble. The score is now me 4, her 2. I went home and studied till 12:30. I want to do well on the tests. I phoned K101. John Perry said that heâ€™s contacts at the record plant had quit and moved to L.A. so that has fallen through!! Goodnight!!!!!
March 24th, 1977 /-
I got up early this morning because I had to make a point to get to school on time. I had a midterm examination in Linear Algebra and another one in Anthropology. Iâ€™ll say now I didnâ€™t do well, so I wonâ€™t be disappointed later I didnâ€™t do great, yet I donâ€™t think I failed. Clymer and Cappa gave me a phone call this evening. They asked me how the group was doing and said they wanted me to come down to Santa Barbara. It was the first time they had taken the trouble to make me feel special in years. After dinner me, Tom and Fred got together but we didnâ€™t accomplish a damn thing. I went to Robinâ€™s where we played Scrabble until l5am in the morning. She canâ€™t fuck again due to infection. What a drag. Denise and I made probably the sexiest love ever up at Skyline today. Sheâ€™s a great lover. Just man and woman â€“ thatâ€™s the way it should be.
March 25th, 1977 -/
I feel so effective today that I believe I am starting to really get the hang of being a dynamic person. Tom and I got in one of the session today â€“ just like the old days. Bam â€“bam â€“ one task completed after another â€“ complements spread around â€“ problems worked out. THE BIG DRUNK.
Tonight we had a bitchinâ€™ practice! We went over the 4 songs we taped and Blue Horizon, Buried Treasure and Fast Life. We are really starting to sound good. After we finished, (we finished at 11:30 or 12) we got some beer and drove down to Belmont and back in Fredâ€™s car. Then we went and listened to Beatles records. We got thoroughly drunk and it was the biggest complimentary session Iâ€™ve ever been tonight. It was great for our morale. I fell asleep at Tomâ€™s at about 5am!!! Made love to Denise this afternoon.
March 26th, 1977 //
Today I stayed home with a mild hangover after awaking at Tomâ€™s house at about noon. I worked for my Dad doing some indexing for him for $4. I worked eight hours. So far I have earned $60 credit for my efforts. Itâ€™s great. I can pay off some debts. I think itâ€™s needless to say that I have been faithfully doing my Daily Declarations â€“ for almost 3 years now. I donâ€™t know exactly why but I figure it takes about 8 years to fully take effect. I want Giovanna to write me, Paddy to write me, to practice with Mike Moore, to pay off all my debts, to save money for Canada, to finish getting equipment, to fix Mikeâ€™s amp, to cut a demo record, to arrange a meeting in Florida with a manager, to love a beautiful new girl, get my H.R. suit!! Goodnight!
March 27th, 1977 â€“-
â€œThings are going to start happening for me â€“ I can feel it. Get ready â€“ the hour has come.â€ 3/27
Today was Dadâ€™s birthday. When Marc came over he told me that Uncle Donnie corrected my I.Q. test again and found that I really had only missed 3 out of 80 instead of 5. That means that I got 2 more points than the highest score he had ever recorded. That means my I.Q. is greater than 155 points. I am an utter genius according to a standardized test. Marc said that uncle Donnie just kept on saying how incredibly smart I am! I wrote 2 bitchinâ€™ songs tonight and a couple more on the way. I swear I cannot wait for the H.R.â€™s to make lots of money. I am determined to do it!
March 28th, 1977 //
Iâ€™m sitting or rather laying on my bed and mixed feelings are flowing through my head. Somethingâ€™s definitely wrong with the H.R.â€™s â€“ symptoms â€“ nothing of any great excitement since K101. I have decided that it is totally up to me. Letâ€™s face it. I do everything that ever comes off well. Alas, it is up to me. I surprise myself. I am here expecting all sorts of things to happen and yet I sit around like a Prima Donna. Here is my plan. I have decided to give the H.R.â€™s a full shot until June 19th, 1978 and if we have not sold a gold single by then I am quitting. By George, itâ€™s all up to me. Starting an hour ago I have taken full control. Those guys are totally reliant on me. They need my hardheaded leadership. Tomorrow night we are going to have a meeting.
March 29th, 1977 //
The H.R.â€™s had kind of a pep talk this evening. I want to record as soon as possible. We went over and over that song â€œWhat Your Mother Told You.â€ Iâ€™d like to record that song above all others because it was the culmination of the type of guitar line I have been trying to write for years! I feel stifled â€“ diary. Itâ€™s as if thereâ€™s so much Iâ€™d like to be doing now â€“ namely recording â€“ performing, meeting new girls, having more money, getting prepared for Canada, receiving letters from Paddy and Giovanna. Itâ€™s as if not enough is happening to merit great excitement. Look at 1/4th of the year has passed already â€“ look at how it flies by! I must go to Canada. I know my perspective will change. Thereâ€™s a certain magic that flows through me when I am traveling.
March 30th, 1977 //
Dear Diary â€“ this may sound awfully strange but I have been thinking a lot about Giovanna lately!!! Itâ€™s real funny. Iâ€™ll bet if she was here she wouldnâ€™t even be that good looking!!! â€“ I should copy my diaries â€“ on a Xerox machine, in case I should lose them or something â€“ One of the most important goals I have is not really even listed amongst those I recite. That is â€“ I AM LAUGHING AND FREE EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE!!!! Mike is practicing with us on Friday and weâ€™re meeting with Al King on Friday morning at 10 oâ€™clock. LETâ€™S GET GOING H.R.S!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO BE FAMOSO!!!
Io parlo Italiano!! Iâ€™m going crazy â€“ make me rich!
March 31st, 1977 //
â€œBe content with your own lot!!â€
The message of today dear reader is one, which comes from Nicholas Hamel, an alchemist who tried for 70 years to transmute lesser metals into gold, and who searched all his life for the philosophers stone. â€“ He finally arrived at the conclusion, in his adage, that the philosophers stone was â€œcontentment with our lot.â€ Very wise. So Be Content With Your Own Lot!!!
Denise and I made love in her parents kitchen today â€“ it was very sexy. She fed me a chuck steak dinner. After we went out and made love excellently I came home and had a salmon dinner!!!
Dear reader, I must go away. I have made my decision to leave June 19th. I once wrote â€œSometimes once can get caught up in the little world that he sees â€“ itâ€™s time that I back off hoping to find whatâ€™s surrounding me.â€ If the group goes away we will become famous!!!
April 1st, 1977 //
O.K.! â€“ Iâ€™m tried. I admit it, but you would be too if you had spent the last 11 hours working towards the goals of making the H.R.â€™s big. Tom and I had a talk with Al King and after we put the preliminary finishing touches on a few songs â€“ new ones! Mike Moore decided he couldnâ€™t make it to practice tonight which really burned me up. Never the less Tom and I and at 9pm â€“ Fred had one of our best pictures ever. We have our heads together as a group and the more we talk about it, the clearer our mutual desires become. Our songs are getting livelier and with the addition of Tom on the bass it really helps us sound great. You wait and see â€“ we are going to make it big. Just wait. I know!
April 2nd, 1977 â€“-
[8/730] â€œWeâ€™re going to be Famous!â€
Today was another very Exciting day for the Hopeless Romantics. We went down to Atherton at one oâ€™clock and we started practicing at Chris Stevickâ€™s house. It was unbelievable â€“ the house that is. At about 3 oâ€™clock Mike looked up from his drums after we had just gone over a new song and he said, â€œItâ€™s a hit.â€ He went on for about ten minutes about how good the song was. Upon my prompting him, he called Chris and he went home to get his Microphone. 4 hours later we had a tape â€œWhat a Night.â€ â€“ is going to Alâ€™s office on Monday morning. Mike said he would tell Al about the song. I guarantee big things are going to start happening right now.
April 3rd, 1977 //
Despair set in when Marty played the tape. The vocals werenâ€™t matched with the rhythm. A call to Chris Stevick confirmed the problem. It was necessary for me to go down to Menlo-Atherton. At 9pm I pulled into the driveway. Chris and I did a mix of the song â€“ we produced a listenable copy of it. Upon invitation I shared a 1974 bottle of Riesling with him. â€œI am interested in your group regardless of whether Mike Moore becomes a part of it or not.â€ Robin opened the door at a bit past midnight. She had a lovely dress on â€“ she looked stunning. We talked and listened to a tape of â€œRomantic Nights.â€ At 1:15pm we went to bed and turned off the lights.
April 4th, 1977 -/
â€œI like the tape. Letâ€™s get together with Mike and weâ€™ll discuss it,â€ was the response of Al King when he heard the tape of â€œWhat a Night.â€ So, tentatively, we will all meet together on Friday morning. After lunch we sat out in the sun in Fredâ€™s backyard and then plugged in our guitars. From 4pm til 9pm we rehearsed â€“ What a Night, Romantic Nights, What Your Mother Told You, Buried Treasure â€“ Itâ€™s My Tune went through a major overhaul and was revolutionized into one of our best songs. Denise gave me a sob story when I saw her at 9:25. After we fucked in different positions to our mutual relief. At midnight while I was enjoying a hot fudge Sunday at Lyonâ€™s Tom and Fred showed up and we drank and talked til 4 in the morning.
April 5th, 1977 -/
[5.5/740] â€œI can see.â€
Written from the 3rd person. You know, Jeff may have slight ups and downs but on the whole he is going straight up. His girlfriend Denise came up in the afternoon. From the sounds of what they were saying they were really enjoying themselves when they made love. At practice, the H.R.â€™s re-arranged; Itâ€™s My Time and started doing a good job on How I Miss My Friends. So now their hits are those two and Romantic Nights, What a Night, Buried Treasure and What Your Mother Told You. When they all play together, with the bass, on these particular songs they sound great. Theyâ€™ve really come a long way. It was a nice night cap for Jeff to come home and find this note: â€œMike Mooreâ€™s friend Chris has phoned 3 times in as many days to find out how you guys made out at Alâ€™s.â€ OLE!!
April 6th, 1977 /-
[2/742] â€œNo one in show business will give us a push â€“ the fans will make their decisions for them.â€ 3/27/77
â€œNothing draws people together faster than a common obstacle.â€ â€“ Chris Stevick 1977.
â€œTo successfully seek happiness one must have knowledge. It is in this acquisition of knowledge that one may lose sight of happiness. For the acquisition of knowledge is often not knowledge of the truth. You must learn the truth and beware of things disguised as such along the way.â€ â€“ Jeff Shea 1976
â€œConclusions and analysis should only take place after the greatest of successes.â€ J.S. 1976
â€œIt depends on the crowd you choose, whether you win or lose.â€ â€“ Anonymous 1976
We finished up â€œHow I Miss My Friendsâ€ today. Fred and I discussed how badly we wanted to go to Canada, so it looks like weâ€™re going for sure. We deciphered that Hockridge doesnâ€™t give a shit about anything right now. He seems cranky and depressed a lot lately. Oh well, I can remember when I, too, was like that. June 19 or June 26 is the date. Letâ€™s go!!!!
April 7th, 1977 //
â€œTomorrow I shall pop out of bed at the earliest hour ready to conquer the task in front of me: I want to introduce a sensation I feel which is quite odd. Not only am I consciously aware of what Dyna/Pyschâ„¢ has done for me, but there seems to be an unconscious, unknown factor which is shaping my life by actions which seem to have no bearing on my goals but which after a time have a surprisingly â€“ direct influence.â€ JS
Though it is late I must take the time to write, for tomorrow my dreams may be yet even one more yard closer to me. A surprising turn of events has occurred. Chris said that Mike has taken the job as a drummer. This opens the door to finally tell Al, Mike and Chris about Paddy and the Hopeless Romantics dream. I have read Robin Hood all the day and have learned a lot about being a leader. I promise thee, dear reader, that the meeting tomorrow shall prove fruitful and tomorrow night I will have good reason to party. After reading Robin Hood, I am inspired to really lead the H.R.â€™s!
I feel that Al will be our manager. When we leave for Canada he will be pushing our record. We will meet him in a Florida hotel. He will see Paddy and hear us. And we will sign the record contract he has procured for us.
April 8th, 1977 â€“-
WE ARE GOING TO CUT A RECORD. When we walked into Al Kingâ€™s office this morning we were determined to convince them to help us make a tape, but no sooner had we walked into the door than they (Mike and Al) started telling us how they thought a tape should be done and going over the small points. We decided to tape April 18 and 19 at American Heritage Studios â€“ 7pm. When Mike left Al seemed very satisfied. He also seemed excited. And he also seemed to be our manager â€“ the man who will take us to the top. He was talking in terms of getting a nibble from a record company of making $20,000 off the record, of Mike getting his job and joining our group if the record takes off. I spent the night at Robinâ€™s and made love twice before I left in the afternoon of the 9th.
For today I decided Al will be our manager. I estimate we have spent 20 hours with him to date.
April 9th, 1977 â€“
I think that my physical appearance is really ugly, therefore if I am to be the greatest lover in the world I should learn to give the illusion of being stunningly handsome. I havenâ€™t spoken to Denise since last night (Friday evening). A curious relationship â€“ I donâ€™t feel any remorse, we could break up with each other or not break up at all and it wouldnâ€™t make any difference to me. I feel as if she is my student of life and love her dearly. I would like to see her potential blossom into beauty, wit, and the heart-warming clarity as mine will manifest itself. There are two things foremost in my mind now â€“ recording and Canada. Where I will get the funds I know not, but it will be done. I will achieve all my dreams. My life now is so ideal it will be an unforgettable period in my life.
April 10th, 1977 //
My life is so ideal now. Most of all I appreciate what I have â€“ called â€œcontentment with my lot.â€ â€“ And that is what happiness revolves around.
Today I mowed the lawn for my good stepmother and I spent most of the day arranging â€œWhat A Night.â€ â€“ I wrote out 3-part harmonies for the chorus and organized exactly how the song should go. I finished reading Robin Hood this morning â€“ good book, but those guys were sure hoods. â€“ get the pun! I phoned Mike Moore and he said we have been scheduled for 7pm on the 18th and 19th and said he would be available for consultation on the 17th and to give him a call on whether or not we want Fred to play lead or to have his friend play lead and bass. I made love to Denise tonight. She is getting pretty.
April 11th, 1977 //
All day I spent working for Dad and Helen. I went to Fredâ€™s house and Tom, Fred and I went over my vocal arrangement. By the end of the evening we had decided exactly how the vocals are going to be recorded. It is a marvelous B-part harmony arrangement. It is going to make us famous. Do you realize diary that this is going to be the diary of the most successful and great man that will ever live? We decided that Mike will only function in the recording studio as a drummer and his brother or friend will not be permitted in the studio. There was news from Mr. Dean that Al King thinks weâ€™re great and will do anything in his power to help us. Well, I love Al! I am so excited. This is it! â€“ This record will lead us to June!
April 12th, 1977 â€“-
Leaving for Canada â€“ June 27, 1977 @ noon â€“ starting place Fredâ€™s houseâ€¦ recording April 18th and 19th 7pm â€“ What a Night and What Your Mother Told You â€“ both compositions of Tom Hockridge and Jeff Shea. Talked to Studio â€“ Said our arrangement was perfect and feasible. â€“ â€œsounds, Jeff, like your ready to be a producer.â€ Arrangements are ready for songs â€“ most copyright. â€œBâ€ grade on modern algebra test. Home â€“ it would be a great place to visit â€“ but I wouldnâ€™t want to live there. Fred â€“ very enthusiastic Tom â€“ lacking a bit of old luster.
April 13th, 1977 â€“-
â€œI must earn $100 a week from now until June 27. Total earned: $44.â€
All day long I worked for my father. From 9:55 â€“ 6:55 and 2 hours in the evening. Denise came by and we made love (1V) Five minutes after she left I did too â€“ for Robinâ€™s apartment. When I got there Robin and I had another of our talks â€“ we get on quite well you know. When we went to bed it was magnificent. I went down on her and pushed her panties aside and caressed her whole vagina with my tongue. When it was ready, well, I donâ€™t mind being a lover. It was a good night sleep. Iâ€™m writing this in a rush. All I can say is that I am dying to go to Canada. God, please look kindly on me and help me achieve my dreams. I want to do good for all of mankind.
April 14th, 1977 â€“
Today I got a late start for school but when I arrived it was pleasant to learn in the classroom. I fell asleep when I got home because I had been up til 3 am with Robin last night. Dad came home and he fixed a steak dinner, which was welcomed. Arrived very late to practice but Tom and Fred are such good men they didnâ€™t get mad at me. I â€“
1) Figured out a bass line
2) Tom brought up a few simple points, which more or less makes the whole arrangement different
3) We figured out how to do the 3-part harmony within the context of the song
4) Tom told me heâ€™s going to Canada â€“ got his spirit back. â€“ He was awfully happy because I did his tax returns and informed him heâ€™s getting $304.00 back.
April 15th, 1977 //
Today was a wonderful day. It started out rather strangely because I tried to get a hold of Mike Moore in vain and was letting my imagination and hunger carry my happiness away. But I went to the beach and took a walk and I lay down in the grass and became absorbed in a book called Vanity Fair. I went to McKinley about 2 hours before Tom and Fred arrived and had a wonderful session at the piano. Swear Iâ€™ll be great someday and Tom phoned Mike and arranged everything perfectly â€“ we, the H.R.â€™s are going to perform everything on the tape. And Tom arranged to meet on Monday. He did such a good job that Mike was nevertheless excited â€“ and weâ€™re getting our own way. Tomâ€™s such a fine fellow. He was in the best spirits Iâ€™ve ever seen him in. After practice he made me a repast at his place. Jim Romeo came by.
April 16th, 1977 // Total Earned: $18
It is twelve thirty now and I am exhausted, but ever in the Shea tradition I remain awake to take care of chores. Iâ€™ve donned my cap and taken to bed to read, write and eventually sleep. My eyes feel tired, my mind wants to quit for the night. I am home alone. No one was here when I got here. I sang a few songs my loudest, taking advantage of the freedom of being alone. Iâ€™m home surrounded by all the material pleasures of life- books, lamps, food, heat. Iâ€™m pretty happy yet my heart yearns for adventure. Everyday I save for Canada. Tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday will probably be all devoted to recording â€˜What a Night.â€™ I spent the day with Denise. I got the Copyrighted envelope for our title song today.
April 17th, 1977 â€“
HR Preparation for recording. I arrived at Fredâ€™s house at 11:40am and did not leave until a little past midnight. We went over leads, vocals, rhythms, piano, bass, well practically everything. I think we are thoroughly prepared to go into the studio. Tom even said today that he is psyched to go to Canada. Now I can assure you we are going.
Diary, everyday I am outgrowing myself. Iâ€™m becoming happier, more out-going and less aware of myself in mind as far as limitation â€“ more aware of my outside â€“ my physical action and appearances. I am so sure that we are going to be famous now that we are going to Canada.
April 18th, 1977 -/
The HRâ€™s record their 1st and only Demo. At 3:30am I came into my room, mentally, fatigued after 7Â½ hours in the studio, during which time I was serious and pent-up, and bent on having everything go right. We finished recording two songs rhythm tracks, again I reiterated â€œWhat a Nightâ€ and â€œWhat Your Mother Told You.â€ Tomorrow night we are going to do the vocal tracks and the final mix and we should and will have completed our first two songs on tape â€“ 8â€“track recording is a blast. It seems almost unbelievable how far the H.R.â€™s have come.
April 19th, 1977
[8.5/787] Total Earned: $62
Rather than putting a big headline here, where a big headline should be, Iâ€™ll just tell the story, because I donâ€™t feel like spending the time drawing out the fact that we finished recording our songs today â€“ Mike Moore did a good job mixing and all in all I am very pleased with the songs and I am proud to say I recorded them. We worked from 7pm til 3:35a and weâ€™re all very tired when we left. It cost us $240 for studio time and $25 and $15 for the respective tapes – $280 â€“ not bad! We get a master tape, a mixed 2-track tape and weâ€™ll probably order a few copies. The vocals went off fairly smoothly. I have been pretty up-tight for this thing and it will be nice to relax, although I can be sure itâ€™s because I havenâ€™t made love for three days â€“ thatâ€™s why I am not relaxed â€“ anyway, Iâ€™ll see to that tomorrow!
April 20th, 1977 â€“-
It finally hit me, the meaning of â€œSee No Evil, Hear No Evil Speak No Evil.â€ It means if one is not exposed to evil one will not be evil. Donâ€™t expose yourself to the bad news papers, people or ideas and you wonâ€™t be bad. â€“ If I were to say today has been a fantastic day I would not be telling a lie. An ingenious day! A late start after a late sleep in which I dreamt about recording. Denise made passionate love to me 2 times, bought me a strawberry waffle, a pair of slacks and I discovered the suit I have been dreaming about. A light blue suit, well its sort of like the one Iâ€™ve dreamt about anyway â€“ I wrote Mom asking her to buy it for me for my birthday. Itâ€™s the H.R.â€™s suit ~$100!! I received a bitchinâ€™ letter from Bernadette â€“ she says I am a great lover! â€“ She is too wonderful for words. Iâ€™ve had a lot of fun telling everyone about the taping. I am so filled with happiness at any success â€“ I lead a perfect life. With that I close.
April 21st, 1977 â€“-
Again today was totally bitchinâ€™. It was totally easy, carefree, etc. and inspirational. After school, I met Denise. She took me out for a surprise dinner at the Fishermanâ€™s grotto No. 9. It was great. I had broiled Salmon. After that we parked and made exquisite love (2V.). At 9:30pm I arrived at Fredâ€™s. To my delight and surprise I find Hock back to be the â€œoleâ€ Tom. The first thing he said to me was â€œJeff, guess who the new campaign manager is for Canada? Itâ€™s me.â€ I was shocked. Now Tomâ€™s dying to go to Canada. It just goes to show what persistence does. I spent the night at Robinâ€™s.
IMPORTANT! I have discovered a curious phenomena. I will be someplace and I will think of myself in another place, as a Momentary transport and soon I arrive in another place. When I do my Daily Declarations I feel as if I am in my new car, or house. Itâ€™s as if I am living a double existence. The one I know and the one I am arriving at steadily. I feel strange. I feel as if itâ€™s going to happen all of a sudden.
April 22nd, 1977 -/
We pick up the tapes! Diary, I donâ€™t know if you realize the extent of my luck and for example, how Denise Branch treats me. She is constantly buying me things, paying for nearly everything â€“ why tonight she even dipped a few dollars in my pocket â€“ unawares! I really think I may be â€œthe man who lived the most enjoyable life of any human beingâ€ I have the easiest most carefree existence Iâ€™ve ever led in my life. I cashed a check my Dad wrote me and the H.R.â€™s went to the studio and picked up the tapes. I like the rock song. Itâ€™s hard to tell how worthy these tapes are until they prove themselves in Al Kingâ€™s possession. But you know, I am sure we will get the response we need. Weâ€™re seeing Al next Wednesday.
April 23rd, 1977 â€“-
Every night I have been having dreams that I am screwing beautiful women! Itâ€™s not necessary to worry to survive. Life takes care of you if you let it (and you give your life proper direction and impetus.) Iâ€™m still saying my DD everyday! I think I will make a â€œList of Things To Be Done.â€ For the H.R.â€™s to prepare for Canada with! It will help reinforce in the minds what is to be done! Today Denise saved me, had my car fixed, fed me dinner with champagne over strawberries and made love to me. She is a saint like Tomâ€™s been kidding me- She said, â€œJeff, what do you want to eat?â€ I said, â€œChateaubriand with 1922 Dom Perignon Champagne over strawberries. 25 minutes later she had procured some Champagne over strawberries. What service! Anyway tomorrow Iâ€™m going over to Gramâ€™s because I phoned her and I asked her if I could earn some money from her and she said sheâ€™d give me some money and I could earn it from her later â€“ and today my car was fixed and it starts better now than ever before and Denise and I went down to Mervynâ€™s and I put that suit on layaway and I love that suit! And Deniseâ€™s mother gave me a St. Christopher medal and chain which look really neat.
Quote from Bernadette: â€œAnd I never forget how great lover you were (and you always stay, I imagine!!!)â€ I think the most exciting thing is the way I feel, unconquerable; – youâ€™ve got to stay one step ahead of people â€“really to sum it up, stay on top of things!! Anyway, diary record today as a â€œFlash of Brilliance.â€ I am so sure the H.R.â€™s will be famous, famous, famous, famous. I can see everything so clearly now. Soon my debts will be gone and Iâ€™ll have money to spare. My carâ€™s running great. But most of all the world â€“ the human society will experience, thrust from me.
I know that when I am, say 45 or so that the living standard in the world will be so high that to try to compare then and now wouldnâ€™t have a chance of being accurate â€“ and for any San Franciscan there is nothing to worry about; food, clothes and shelter will practically be given away.
Jeff Shea 4/23/77
April 24th, 1977 â€“-
I feel that today was amongst those of the supreme caliber â€“ a hallmark in my life â€“ it was a day when some force lifted me above my ordinary self and said, â€œlook, Jeff, see what you can do. Yours is not an ordinary lot. Everything you want is at your fingertips.â€ I hope I can describe it thoroughly enough in this short page.
A major breakthrough is that my Dad and I took a walk and he and I had a good chat this evening. He mentioned that I sponge off of people and that I took advantage of everybody. I went back into him and asked, â€œDad, no. 1, should I feel guilty because of being the way I am?â€ He said, â€œNo!â€ I said, â€œDad, do you consider my actions criminal?â€ He laughed and said â€œOf course not!â€ This makes me feel so good because I irrationally always worry I am or will be a criminal â€“ I guess itâ€™s stupid. And I said, â€œDad, I try to be a good person.â€ And he said, â€œYou are a good person. â€œIâ€™m very proud of you!â€ At this I threw my arms around him and said â€œDad, I love you. I love you very much. Youâ€™re such a good person. Youâ€™re the greatest person in the world!â€ I got a brainstorm â€“ somehow I feel certain that if I ask my grandmother if I can paint her cottages or house sheâ€™ll say â€œyesâ€ and I can earn some money for Canada and I am almost sure that I will come back rich and famous from Canada. I can almost guarantee that I will not come back for school in the fall and that my fate will be great!
April 25th, 1977 â€“-
Do you ever know so clearly that you have already achieved success before others recognize it? Thatâ€™s how confident I feel! Success is a matter of projecting yourself into your desired situation â€“ you can mentally transfer yourself instantaneous projection! â€“ I went to Gammyâ€™s today to pick up some money on consignment to work for her later, so that I could afford to take Denise and Al King out on Wednesday. We had a practice tonight and I thought we sounded the shits. But towards the end, when we started singing rock tunes Sleazy Charm, Old Man Prophecy, things started to pick up. After practice we talked and now itâ€™s impossible to turn away from our self-commitment to go to Canada. This is it. We all decided that weâ€™re not coming back until we are successful. It is going to be â€œgoodbye home forever.â€
April 26th, 1977 -/
After school I went to Deniseâ€™s. After we got rid of her little brother we made love twice on her parents couch. The first time we made love it was in my estimation, the finest love I have ever made. It was pure â€œthe way it is supposed to be.â€ â€“ Just me and her. The glow I felt was marvelous. In the late evening I came home and listened to the tape about 3 or 4 times. I kind of like it. Diary, here we are. Iâ€™m 21. I still canâ€™t get over the fact that Iâ€™m planning to leave home forever. But Iâ€™m going to V/C â€“ please help me find a way to â€“
1) Make enough money to help myself out and
2) Become successful.
Tomorrow â€“ we are supposed to meet with Al. Itâ€™s also Deniseâ€™s birthday. Iâ€™d be a hell of a lot happier if I was making some money. Itâ€™s getting me down.
April 27th, 1977
[.5/3] Record of King talks.
Well, the tape is officially in Al Kingâ€™s hands. We expected to take him to lunch and spend the entire afternoon with him but it turned out to be about a 30 minute talk. We played the tape for him and he listened and said it was good enough for his or rather our purposes. We didnâ€™t say anything of note and it was rather cut and dry. He told us to call him a week from Friday if we hadnâ€™t heard from him. Then weâ€™ll get the preliminary feedback. Despite a lot of â€“
1) Negative comments
2) Jealousy, which have been the reaction to the tape, I think â€“
1) Al kinda likes it and
2) It is going to do the job.
Iâ€™m looking forward to re-recording the tapes. I took Denise out to dinner. Today was her birthday. I got in a fight with her and took her home and afterwards I droveâ€”-
April 28th, 1977 //
–to Robinâ€™s. I talked of love and we made passionate love twice. It was really marvelous. Now, in the morning I got up before she did and went to school. It was very interesting in Anthropology we had a beautiful older woman give a lecture on dance in Nigeria. She was once beautiful and her mannerisms and accent intrigued me. Also the films she showed of Nigeria filled me once again with wanderlust. When I see films of distant lands it seems one of the hopes of leading a fairytale life, which I want and expect, to lead- Denise and I made up by phone. I listened to the tape about 8 times tonight. I heard something in What Your Mother Told You, thatâ€™s sure to make it a hit. Beauty is any part of yourself you are proud of and show openly.
April 29th, 1977 /-
Tennis with Tom, H.R. practice, hotel with Denise. At 1pm Tom and I got together and he was beating me 4-1, Deuce at Tennis, when we got kicked off the court because Burlingame had tennis practice. The H.R.â€™s practiced from about 3-9:30pm. We shortened and perfected What Your Mother Told You. We also worked on Old Man Prophecy. Today, I feel, marked the beginning of a very important stage for the H.R.â€™s. It can be summed up in the following theories that were adopted this evening.
1) Keep all the songs 2 minutes and 30 seconds or less in length
2) Develop a slew of â€œonslaught songsâ€ which will be used on our debut and these
a) Should have high-powered music
b) Lyrics dealing with love
c) Have positive overtones.
Denise took me to the Cable Car Motel for the night. 2x/2V.
April 30th, 1977 â€“-
Wake at Hotel/Drive/Coyote Point â€“ Spent the entire day with Denise Branch and so Iâ€™d like to devote this page to a discussion of her. We woke at the Motel and we spent the day â€œexploring unknown areas of S.F.â€ â€“ look for Napier Lane! In the evening we drove to Coyote Point with hot dogs, rather bockwurst and a bottle of Lancerâ€™s wine and also some Camembert cheese from France. It was one of the best and tastiest dinners of the month. We made love 3x today. In a discussion of her I find she is mentioned throughout all my diaryâ€™s to date. How long will this last? Iâ€™ve got to beware. Of course I donâ€™t want to â€œbreak upâ€ with her, but I seem to be seeing so much of her. 2 years is a long time. She is really growing too much attached to me. It is not bad, mind you, but I really should spend time with other girls.
May 1st, 1977 /-
Well, another day has passed. Last night I added â€œI am the happiest man in the worldâ€ to my goals. My life is dream-like. Hock and I got together and revised some songs. We are, as I have mentioned before, are trying to group some songs which we can do as show tunes. It is working out great and I can hardly wait til we are making money and are performing before > 10,000 fans. I am so happy. I am healthy as an ox, have great stamina, no imperfections, I can out-think practically anybody and everybody. I have a smiling countenance and a good heart and head. I spent a lot of the day doing homework. You know, I am getting to be quite a mathematician! Iâ€™ve learned more this semester in mathematics than I ever have before in 1 semester. BREAKTHROUGH.
May 2nd, 1977 //
â€œIncredible â€“ Paddy sends 2 tapes he still wants to do it.â€
Things are really developing. Itâ€™s odd, you know diary, because a few short years ago everybody was talking behind my back but now I find myself â€œconfidentâ€ in these situations. Everybody seems to feel Iâ€™m the guy to come to when you are dissatisfied with someone. And its like Iâ€™m gaining everyoneâ€™s respect. I mean real respect. I feel like people admire me. Theyâ€™re learning I canâ€™t be pushed around like any jerk! On top of that I feel like Iâ€™m being pushed to the number one position. Remember no pot- your abstinence is helping. Tom is a good henchman he always agrees with me. Date 11pm, with Robin Wednesday night. Big Surprise, I received 2 tapes from Paddy and a letter â€“ he wants us to come. Itâ€™s all set!
May 3rd, 1977 //
â€œMy parents put locks on the phones. Can you believe it? But Iâ€™m not going to let it get me down.â€
I have just been reading over the diary of this year. It is almost embarrassing how enthusiastic I am. Every day Iâ€™m saying how great it was, but I must admit, after a few pages it becomes obvious what an easy life-style I am living. Iâ€™ve got every reason on earth to be happy. I am really pleased about the letter and tapes Paddy sent me â€“ not to mention that it appears weâ€™ll have a place to stay â€“ Calgary. Today I went to school and Tom and I estimated a house to paint. I didnâ€™t feel like practicing so I split and went to Deniseâ€™s, rather against their wishes, but she gave me dinner and took me to the Peppermill where we had a Strawberry Daiquiri and Ramos Fizz. We also of course, made love. And it felt very good.
May 4th, 1977 -/
Iâ€™m writing this May 5th. The fourth was spent strictly studying, writing letters, cutting my hair. I went to Burger King with Denise and I watched the Nixon interviews with David Frost. I had a double header today. I made love to Denise (1V) and to Robin 1 time. At 11pm Robin and I took a long walk on the beautiful windy night. We went back to her apartment and made love. I will admit that lately I have appeared dragging to people as Tom and Denise have mentioned I havenâ€™t been my usual congenial self lately â€“ happy-go-lucky Jeff! But Iâ€™m just slowing down myself- kind of getting ready for whatâ€™s to come. I had a talk with my Dad tonight. He reiterated the advice: â€œIf I was young again I would â€“
1) Screw as many women as I could
2) Travel as much as I could
3) Get as much education as possible
4) Stay single.
May 5th, 1977 //
I finished â€œIâ€™m Going To Love You.â€ â€“ itâ€™s a hit!
I blew 2 tests today in Modern Algebra and Linear Algebra. Hock phoned and when I phoned back I found out that the H.R.â€™s are going to be on TV on May 18th for 18 minutes â€“ channel 6 local TV!! Pretty good, huh!? Tonight I put together what I think we should play â€“
1) Energy 2:22
2) When I tell You I Love You 2:02
3) What Your Mother Told You 2:37
4) The World We Both Knew 2:34
5) Sleazy Charm 1:48
6) Sheâ€™s My Girl 1:35
7) To You I Toast 2:18
Iâ€™m Going To Love You 2:00.
Actual playing time 17 minutes and 16 seconds. Even today Tom started telling me how we shouldnâ€™t play only these Romantic songs. I think heâ€™s dead wrong. Those guys are pussing out. I want to play these 8 songs. Iâ€™m very curious to find out how this and all my other projects will turn out. (I remember when I was a little kid trying to build my plans and dig through to China!)
May 6th, 1977 //
I want to stress the importance of taking a good Silent Treatment and a good Super Suggestion every day. The SS relaxes you if you take about 8 minutes to mentally relax every part of your body and 2 minutes to perform the rest. When you have a Silent Treatment â€œmake a conscious determination to do it. Donâ€™t fall into it!â€ About my goals-i.e. Daily Declarations. I have decided to keep saying all 19 of the original goals of which I have sent a copy-registered mail to myself â€“ until all 19 have been achieved because when I first conceived them I conceived them as a unit and they should be accomplished as a unit. For the record, I have added a 20th and 21st personality goals. Be â€œkindest and happiest.â€ I must mention that I have been feeling so bitchinâ€™ the last 2 days because of good Super Suggestions!! Hock and I decided on the set today. He bought his bass. Denise bought as present the light blue suit.
May 7th, 1977 //
If you donâ€™t get a good night sleep do a Silent Treatment before you get up!! Today Denise and I played racquetball. I beat her 21-7, 21-11 and she was beating me 6-11 when our hour was up. Then Tom and I and Denise went to pick up Tomâ€™s bass and the man said that with the case it was valued at $250!! He bought it for $125! I went home and took all the tags off my new suit that Denise got me and organized my room. I ate dinner and Denise and I went to Fentonâ€™s Creamery in Oakland for a treat. Then we took a walk on Broadway in S.F. Then made love for the 2nd time today and I went off to home and bed very late. What a great day! I mailed the letter to Paddy. Everything is looking up. Tom says he is going to buy a bass amp this week. What I need now is a way to get income. I wrote another song today.
May 9th, 1977 /-
Denise and I made love. Roast beef dinner. Most important events of the day â€“
1) Reconciliation with the Hopeless Romantics
2) I met my fatherâ€™s friend Ted
3) Tonight the H.R.â€™s had about a 3 hour talk. Everything was cleared up. We are a group with great foresight. We donâ€™t want to end up hating each other like so many people do when they are together a long time. Slowly but surely I am convincing the boys to play the faster more up-beat tunes.
4) I met the man whom I want to manage the H.R.â€™s. One Ted, my fathers friend and associate. 38-years old, entrepreneur â€“ presently into solar panel sales. Dark hair. Dark piercing eyes. I hinted around and talked a lot about our group. I know it is the craziest idea yet but he could sell us. Iâ€™m sure of it!
May 10th, 1977 /-
You know, diary, lately I havenâ€™t quite been myself lately. You see, I consider myself loveable happy carefree Jeffrey and lately I have been dissatisfied Jeffrey, moaning Jeffrey, unhappy Jeffrey. It makes me mad. Now I can go on and complain about how bad things are but I would be wasting ink. For one thing, Iâ€™ve got to start seeking solutions instead of problems. Thereâ€™s a very simple rule. Solve more problems each day than are created each day. In that way you â€œstay on top of things!â€ Thereâ€™s always something to be happy about. Look, my health is magnificent. I think I have problems! When there is something going wrong a cheerful attitude can annihilate the feelings of frustration. So keep a stiff upper lip, Jeffrey, weâ€™re going to make it. Wealth, women, fame shall all be yours. Fear not, for that I guarantee!
May 11th, 1977 -/
Dear Diary, this is a night with so much to say! Diary, for the past 4 years I have suffered terribly, day marks the day my mother kicked me out of her house and the emotional, mental shock nearly ruined me. I almost didnâ€™t recover because I almost lost my spirit to live. I became afraid to love, hate and think I am recovered quite recovered now and I celebrated this day by writing her a 1 page letter which was so polite as to be tiresome but had pricks and barbs galore to sting the old dear where she needs it. She may not even notice the great cuts I devised but positively shall read them again too. You can find the copy of the letter in my records!
My father and I had a long talk about Mom and the royal screwing I received from her. He says Iâ€™m right and am very perceptive and he threw in quite a few comments on his own. Iâ€™d laugh to see how Mom would treat that old sugar Daddy Vic if he lost all his benefits.
I must remember always to help those who have helped me (when I become rich) â€“ namely, my loving father whom I love more than anyone else â€“ for he is my being, my soul, my intelligence â€“ he is every part of me but my essence and our mutual love will outlast all â€“ and see through the countless illusions of misery and despair we have seen.
Denise â€“ as a friend. She shall enjoy all. She shall be happiest and most loved for she has truly loved me. And Tom for he has held his tongue when others have lashed out on me. Gary Cappa, for he is forever my brother as is Fred and Mike Taylor. These three I have chosen to be by my side. I need no other reason. Last but not least Jeff Clymer â€“ he loves me the least and the most enjoys me least and most â€“ but how else is a god â€“ like Clymer to see me. When all are infatuated with me, Jeff Clymer will lend me the truth. Him I clasp closest. He has scared me and taught me to have no fear. And to all who have helped me I say yea and to all who have not they shall learn. And in myself I place no confidence, no responsibility. I felt I am not even here. For the task I have before me would break any man, make me fall to my knees. There are no words to describe what I place in myself. For I will have to act like a GOD!
May 11th, 1977 //
Girls are so warm and tender it makes me wish, I could be receiving their charms, which are making me feel like this. I was trying to write some lyrics for the music to Renaissance Fair, which should be bearing a new name soon. I think the song is going to be a hit. Itâ€™s great to practice now that weâ€™re singing the faster songs. Itâ€™s an awful lot of fun. Weâ€™re singing about love and Iâ€™m transposing all the music so that itâ€™s at a pitch where youâ€™ve got to try pretty hard to sing it well â€“ but thatâ€™s what I think the singer should be doing â€“ reaching for the notes, makes a man out of you â€“ ya know? I beat Robin in a game of Scrabble and then we made exquisite love. It was really beautiful. Too bad she isnâ€™t! Oops, thatâ€™s not a nice thing to say! But Iâ€™m hankering to make love to a beautiful girl. Denise bought me dinner at Burger King and we made love. Got in a little fight!
May 12th, 1977 -/
I have spent the major part of the evening reading â€˜Vanity Fair.â€™ I am thinking ever so much about society. I had a few glasses of wine today and thus feel quite contented. I practiced tennis, played the guitar, read after school today. My life is looking up at this point. I cashed a check form my Mom for $30 and with summer on its way and a job â€“ painting in sight I am very content. I worry about Denise. She has done so much for me for so very little in return. But, alas, she is not even pretty and I would tire of her before too long. I am such a rogue, I know, only thinking of myself. She called me tonight â€“ she loves me so much â€“ to think she may soon feel bitter towards me. Such is the way of love. I love all the blank pages I have yet to fill. What dreams may come true!
May 13th, 1977 â€“-
Friday the 13th â€“ and so the days roll on. I had no word whatsoever from Denise today and feel it is in my hands now should I desire to stop seeing her all I have to do is rebuff any advances. But I may yet have contact with her. It is incredible how my eyes open and my drive for other women increase when I donâ€™t have sex. Itâ€™s great! Bad news on the Al King front. Fred came to us with reports that Al told him the response to our tape had not been very good and from what we could gather by his alleged tone of voice that meant everyone thoroughly disliked it. Our response to this and any other like comments is fie to them who donâ€™t like us. The more people tell us we canâ€™t do it, the more we want to do it. Quote: â€œNice guys finish last.â€
May 14th, 1977 -/
Another day rolls by. They never seem to stop coming. I spent the good part of the day studying. I finished Part I of Vanity Fair â€“ Itâ€™s a classic. And I read a book on aesthetical values in art â€“ what a bore! Itâ€™s for anthropology. I figure in about 2 weeks I should be a pretty happy guy because –
1) Iâ€™ll be finished with school on the 26th.
2) If everything goes right and I pray it does the paint job should be nearing its end and Iâ€™ll have some money.
Iâ€™ve been playing a little tennis against the board down at Skyline. We have been considering taking our music to Ted, I wonder if heâ€™d give it a go. We need a manager who is gong to push us. I try to keep an open mind and I try to put my situation in context with a world-time view of things. At my rate, Iâ€™m insignificant no matter how great Iâ€™ll be. You canâ€™t take anything to seriously.
May 15th, 1977 â€“-
Dear Reader, realize how cheap and inaccurate are words. Do you realize how little our lives actually correspond to the verbal descriptions of them. And even more uncorrelated are our thoughts and how our lives are related to them. I have discovered that and I feel a great gift I have bestowed upon myself â€“ all my life my mind has â€œtormentedâ€ itself with thoughts that never come true and I am beginning to realize that the mind and physical reality are often 2 different entities. Sometimes they coincide, but not always.
Today I made love to Denise, studied, then ate dinner and spent the night at Robinâ€™s where she and I made love. She looked much prettier tonight than usual. I typed a letter to Ted tonight, which I havenâ€™t sent yet!
May 16th, 1977 â€“-
Very productive day. Woke at Robinâ€™s at 8 a.m. and Tom and I checked out the painting job that we are going to do â€“ tomorrow morning we will begin. We borrowed Jim Hockridgeâ€™s â€“ tape cassette recorder and made 3 or 4 copies of the recording â€“ (demo). We watched the Muhammad Ali victory over the TV and then worked on a few songs of our 71. I came home, sewed my jeans, ate dinner, organized equipment for the job tomorrow and I am now ready for bed. Tom told me how Marty Friedman has taken an interest in managing us and how impressed him and his wife Connie were with our tape. I started reading Part II of Vanity Fair tonight. My father and I are getting to be better friends all the time â€“ I treat him with respect and I listen to him a lot- thatâ€™s mainly because he has a lot of good things to say.
May 17th, 1977
Repression often gives the impression that it kills the impulse, but it makes it grow! Surprisingly enough, if one desires to heighten his sexual desires, one only has to try to totally repress his thoughts of women for a while and the mystique becomes unbearable. When you kiss, kiss with all the passion deserved of the art â€“ kissing should be totally unconscious, luscious and enjoyable.
Dear Diary, let me say how great it is to be in love with someone every day of your life. I just made love to Denise and I have to say there is nothing like making great love to a female. Right now I feel so totally relaxed, refreshed. I feel confident, â€œtogether.â€ Remember to place Love above every other ideal and thought in your life! Tom, Mark Oâ€™Brian and I started painting today. Itâ€™s an easy job.
May 18th, 1977
â€œLife has opened before my eyes on a day of laughter, beer and love!!!â€
My heart and head are full of aching of joy, love, life right now that I canâ€™t describe it. I donâ€™t know if itâ€™s the weather, the way my day went, maybe I sense a good event that occurred that I havenâ€™t heard of as yet. Maybe itâ€™s a girl I saw at Music Land who works with Jim Romeo â€“ her name, by coincidence is Denise. Blonde, real cute, piercing sea shell blue eyes. She must have had eye contact with me five times when I went in there. Maybe itâ€™s the fact that I heard that Pete Edwards said he heard us on the K101 station â€“ that they played â€œEnergy.â€ Maybe itâ€™s a lot of things, summer coming, money from painting coming, first maybe most of all itâ€™s a change in me â€“ a more self-confident dynamic Jeff Shea. Anyway, Iâ€™m going after Denise [Ed Note: Denise from Musicland.] â€“ or maybe sheâ€™s chasing me! And Iâ€™m going to phone Terry Smith at K101.
May 19th, 1977
The whole world revolves around money. Thatâ€™s a pretty broad generalization â€“ let me mitigate that to say that if one has money and the knowledge of its wise use one can more readily pursue the avenues of his intent. After school Denise took me to dinner at Lonnieâ€™s and then we made love. All the H.R.â€™s discussed the trip to Canada over a succession of Irish Coffees. It was a very inspirational meeting in which we decided â€“
1) Are we going to take Fredâ€™s car to Canada and
2) Tow a trailer behind it, which we are to buy
3) We are going to have to determine who is going to be our manager before we go
4) That as a group if the five brothers can stay together and influence each other that weâ€™ll remain eternal bachelors!
May 20th, 1977 -/
If you ever stop for a Moment and forget all you know the startling question of existence hits you in the face â€“ what the hell are we doing here?? The more you ponder the question the more reasonable your answers become. Personally, I donâ€™t believe there is any answer to that question, save the answer â€“ we are here to do what we choose â€“ to exercise our free will. My free will happens to be to enjoy myself as much has possible. There is no hope for the generation today on Earth. But soon they will all return to dust and a new light shall fall on Earth!!! The H.R.â€™s practiced a hit tonight. I painted all day. Fredâ€™s mother went berserk tonight â€“ thought that Fred was trying to kill her â€“ what a nut!!! Canada seems closer every day. Iâ€™m an irreverent person for stupid beliefs. Words mean little compared to action.
May 21st, 1977 -/
Last night â€“ May 21st â€“ Denise and I got in probably the biggest fight of our relationship. I caused the whole thing. It was awful. We tried to sleep in the car together and she was tossing and turning and coughing and sneezing. We had got in a fight previously and I told her â€œI donâ€™t care if I never see you again as long as I live!â€ Iâ€™m just getting sick of hearing and watching her complain that I am going to Canada. So whether Iâ€™ll ever see her again I donâ€™t know. She tried to pull my car over to the side of the road as I raced off, she in her Chevrolet, but I wouldnâ€™t even acknowledge her presence. Iâ€™ve never been so rude. I had drunken some wine! Other events of the day were a bitchinâ€™ practice session with the H.R.â€™s â€“ and we finished writing â€˜Keep Me Warmâ€™ â€“ a version of Renaissance Fair!
May 22nd, 1977
Today I slept in until noon. I studied all day, ate well â€“ made-up with Denise over the phone. I canâ€™t stand to be at odds with anyone. I learned a lot today, and am now working on a new song. Letâ€™s look at my situation â€“ what is important to me now?
To fuck a new girl â€“ no. 1 â€“ no. 2 is to have something solid in the way of a record contract or contact and no.3 is to discover a way to raise money for Canada. I think we will talk to Al this week or next. Iâ€™ll make a prediction here. Weâ€™ll have a manager in a month. I wonder what Al will say? At any rate Iâ€™m fully confident of my inevitable success. Almost every day I look in the mirror and try to find a way to make myself look more attractive.
May 23rd, 1977
I painted all day and at about 4:30 p.m. the H.R.â€™s met at Tomâ€™s house for practice. Itâ€™s nice to see how well-received Keep Me Warm is amongst the group. I wrote the lyrics to the 1st part and Iâ€™m overjoyed with them. On the 24th â€“ tomorrow â€“ I finished writing a new song called Sheâ€™s Gonna Please Me. It seems, all of a sudden that I have regained my knack to do anything and everything. Right now we are doing the following songs â€“
1) Keep Me Warm
3) Romantic Nights
4) When I Tell You I Love You
5) Sheâ€™s My Girl
6) Sleazy Charm
7) We Were Meant To Be
What Your Mother Told You.
Weâ€™re starting to sound good!
May 24th, 1977
Today I woke up early and found my stomach to be tied in knots. I struggled through my modern algebra final wishing I could die, my stomach hurt so badly. I slept most of the day after that and vomited up last nights dinner at about 5:30pm. Only then did I start to feel better. I have a bit of the bug left, but itâ€™s going away. Rummaging through my room and organizing my papers I ran across the unsent letter Iâ€™d written to Ted. I then decided Iâ€™ll send it out this week. Itâ€™s an odd sensation to know somehow without and facts to back you up that you have found the â€œrightâ€ man to manage the H.R.â€™s. Brian Upstein was 38 or so. Ted is about 38, Brian was single, Ted is single. Brian wasnâ€™t a manager til he met the Beatles. Hopefully Ted will become ours. I have a feeling.
May 25th, 1977 â€“-
I now make note that you can judge a personâ€™s â€œsuccessâ€ level somewhat by observing their consistency. If they mean what they say, if they act accordingly, if they are not blindly hypocritical then very likely their minds are orderly. Right now Jeff Clymer and my Dad, my best 2 friends are not in order very well, but theyâ€™ll come around. You know diary, I believe Iâ€™m getting smarter â€“ or at least more tolerant to observation and thinking â€“ well not really thinking â€“ understanding and computing. I noticed at the beginning of the semester I couldnâ€™t read my modern algebra book with out practically falling asleep whereas now I can sit there by the hours and read and understand even enjoy the poppycock!!
May 26th, 1977 â€“-
â€œIâ€™ve got to get out of here â€“ to Canada â€“ Iâ€™m getting fat and lazy.â€
Today wasnâ€™t outstanding on the whole but it was Momentous for me since it was the last day of class. After a year of school that makes me pretty happy! Plus, Iâ€™ve got a job painting from which Iâ€™ll receive about $300 smackers when I finish. So Iâ€™m feeling just fine! I talked to Robin and me and her have got quite a good understanding of the situation. Iâ€™ve got to hand in an Anthropology paper before Iâ€™m officially out of school, so as soon as Iâ€™m finished writing this Iâ€™ll start on that! Iâ€™m starting to get these weird marks on my hips â€“ the skin is getting scarred â€“ I donâ€™t have any fat on me so I donâ€™t know why it is happening.
May 27th, 1977 â€“-
I am so bitchinâ€™ â€“ I am so powerful! The long-range plan to bring everyone around to my side to bring everything at my feet begging to serve me, is coming true. You would have to know the difference between my life 3 years ago and my life today to appreciate how superior my life is today. Clymer, my long lost best friend called me today, and invited me over.
Quote: â€œShea you amaze meâ€¦ Iâ€™ve got to talk to you before I go back to Santa Barbaraâ€¦â€ â€“ results later. Helenâ€™s actions to me speaks louder than her words â€“ sheâ€™s bitchinâ€™. I was tired after a full day of painting and when I went to take a nap I slept all night 8:55 p.m. â€“ 7 am.
May 28th, 1977 â€“-
I found out tonight that my brother Marc is getting married to Maxine, as he announced it to us. I realized that I must set Denise free before I go to Canada â€“ I must tell her that I donâ€™t want her to wait for me because I may never come back (and if I do I wonâ€™t be coming back to her.) I guess Iâ€™ll tell her in about 3 weeks â€“ somewhere in the middle of June just before her departure. Iâ€™ve got to do it! I had a chat with my sister Donna. Iâ€™m sending her $20,000 when I make it. Sheâ€™s the purest, gentlest, most honest-to-goodness female I know, in addition to my Grandma. She told me of a chart she had seen and that of all the kids in our family I had been born with a lucky star and that she knew I was going to make it.
May 29th, 1977 â€“-
â€œToday I kind of told Denise when I go to Canada itâ€™ll be the last sheâ€™ll see of me, regardless.â€
May 30th, 1977 â€“
Today was simply beautiful. It was hot as hell for one thing and I painted all day long. Denise brought Tom and I a hamburger from Burger King. Sheâ€™s really being a sport about not seeing me once I leave. I wonder if she really believes me. Anyway, the fact remains that Iâ€™ve made up my mind that I can and will live with out Denise as an association or friend. It will be best for both of us. Itâ€™s sure been nice!! After work I ate dinner over the Hockridgeâ€™s. We had barbequed Chicken, hot rolls, corn on the cob, salad, milk and wine! During a beautiful evening Tom and I practiced. He really liked the song I wrote entitled, â€œShe Releases Me.â€ I slept under the stairs in Hockridgeâ€™s backyard.
May 31st, 1977 â€“-
I kind of cracked the whip on old Fred Nelson today. Heâ€™s been running off with the wimpish Penny Parker, that vixen. Heâ€™s missed practice and in general disobeyed the orders of Tom and I. At practice tonight I was purposely cold to him. But I donâ€™t allow myself to say anything directly about why I am mad at him. Weâ€™ve told him directly so many times and discovered he only gets angry or does nothing about it. The reason Dyna/Psychâ„¢ is so great is that it makes you confident of achieving your goal and, hence, unafraid to do what you think is right. I am exercising my prerogative. Anyway, we sound terrible. Weâ€™ve totally given up on the idea of practicing. Weâ€™ve got to crack down!!!
June 1st, 1977 -/
For all practical purposes I finished painting the house today. I got dressed in my new â€“H.R.- goal number 8 â€“ suit and Denise picked me up at 7:25pm. She had reservations for Gulliverâ€™s and we had a perfect evening. For dinner I had an English ale, French bread and butter, sweet pea soup, prime rib, creamed corn, spinach soufflÃ©, water, a taste of Yorkshire pudding and a Â½ truffle and 2 cups of coffee for desert â€“ bill $21.70 + $3 tip. Denise paid.
Dear diary, I love Denise an awful lot and she is being so sweet to me about breaking up. Sheâ€™s not acting â€˜as if she doesnâ€™t careâ€™ and yet sheâ€™s not crying or making any scene. She just says she loves me and sheâ€™ll be lonely and sheâ€™ll be sad for a while. She asked if she was still one of â€œmy 5 friendsâ€ and talked about how much we used to love one another. She wanted to know why I didnâ€™t want to write.
June 2nd, 1977 â€“-
[Get Denise a copy of the H.R.â€™s tape!!!] Finished painting the Oâ€™Brienâ€™s house today â€“ received a check for $341.66. When I got to practice Fred had a letter for me from Ted. It had been sent to his address and was unopened. It said, (which I read to Tom and Fred on the spot.) â€œJeff, youâ€™re on. How about next Tuesday at my place 1882 Green. 8 oâ€™clock. See you then, Ted.â€ That was a very pleasant surprise! I swear â€“ isnâ€™t it uncanny the way that things happen as I wish when I get â€œthat feeling.â€ All I can say about the deal with Ted is that â€œso far so good.â€ And practice with the H.R.â€™s went off better tonight. Our set â€“ in this order â€“ is:
1) Sleazy Charm
3) Sheâ€™s My Girl
4) Romantic Nights
5) We Were Meant to Be
6) Canadian Sky
7) When I Tell You I Love You
Keep Me Warm
9) What Your Mother Told You
10) Sheâ€™s Gonna Please Me.
June 3rd, 1977 â€“-
This morning Tom and I cashed our checks. We bought him an amp for bass for $289.00. Then we had my mic cord fixed, then I picked up Mike Sheaâ€™s speakers. We practiced, again going over those 10 songs 3x and then Tom got angry and kicked a young man down the stairs who was incessantly banging on the door and then he left. Fred and I put away the equipment and I went home and ate and relaxed and am now writing. Got a sob letter from Mom about my â€˜cruelâ€™ letter and a note from Marc asking me to be in his wedding. I found out today that we can get a smaller PA pretty easily and had some ideas as to what to use as a small cabinet. After these two chores are done the H.R.â€™s will have all the equipment weâ€™ll need. My car needs to be tuned â€“ a little more money.
June 4th, 1977 â€“-
I helped my father today for 12 hours. Heâ€™s moving all of his stuff from 182 2nd St. because he intends to quit soon. He says he is going to try to sell FX full time. And from what I understand he expects to be working with Ted. Does this present a problem? Well, one would normally assume that I would forsake the idea of having Ted as our manager, but Dear Diary, the feeling I have about this tells me that, unequivocally, Ted will be our manager!!! It is such an uncanny feeling that it must be true, because these premonitions always are true. â†’ After I helped my Dad, Denise and I fucked 4x down at her sister Donnaâ€™s apartment. She cooked me London Broil. It was a great night
June 5th, 1977 â€“-
I just finished cleaning all my spark plugs on my car. I am getting ready to go to Robinâ€™s if she is able to be reached by phone to confirm our date. I just got done talking to Denise, on the phone. She dropped me off at my house today at noon, from where I went to practice with Tom and Fred. We went over our set 4x and we are improving rapidly. As the departing date July 5 moves closer and closer I wait and plan and think and organize. I plan to work my butt off every day for the next 30 days. If you want to achieve something youâ€™ve got to devote time to it! I went over to Robinâ€™s and she was too tired to make love so I went down on her and she got so turned on we ended up making love.
June 6th, 1977 â€“-
Big day â€“ that means. I got a lot done. I dropped off Mikesâ€™ amp and I got my car a temporary sticker once again. I stopped by and I saw Al King who said, â€œI like you guys tremendously.â€ I have an appointment with him for 9:30am Thursday. He says he thinks going to Canada is a great idea. I went to the Department of Unemployment and passed my interview. Iâ€™m supposed to go back there on June 22nd. I stopped by Mikeâ€™s and he said heâ€™ll help me build a speaker cabinet. Me and the boys had a great practice tonight. I sent letters today to Mom, Bernadette and Giovanna. After practice I went to Robinâ€™s and we slept together but didnâ€™t do anything!
June 7th, 1977 â€“-
Meeting with Ted Aksnes â€“ obtained new/used PA.
Today was another of those dynamo-days. Let me list my activities. I awoke at Robinâ€™s, drove to Tomâ€™s got the PA and Kasino column and my microphone. I went home and organized some stuff. I went to the bank and made out a check for $195.56 to Denise which will clear my debt to her. I had lunch at Gamâ€™s returned her tarps, wrote Marc an apology for not being his best man which he invited me to be last night by phone, phoned K101 to ask if Jerry Smith was there, heâ€™s left for good. I left a note for John Perry, the engineer, I traded the empty Kasino column, a microphone, and our PA for two new Kustom speakers and a used 150 watt RMS Kustom PA head, and a 20ft cord. We met with Ted after we helped my Dad move some furniture â€“ he gave us $5 for drinks.
Ted fits the part perfectly. He shook our hands and offered us a glass of wine. I talked most of anybody: I told him the history of the group, all about the K101 amateur hour and Energy. I told him about Canada, about our idea of being bigger than the Beatles and said our group was meant to be. I think he thought I was arrogant and conceited and I think he was impressed with our story. He said he was 33 and wants to retire by the time heâ€™s 35; that he canâ€™t drop what heâ€™s doing â€“ heâ€™s got people depending on him but that we should drop by a tape of Energy and heâ€™d tell us what he truthfully thought and if he liked it heâ€™d get the financing and weâ€™d cut a record.
June 8th, 1977 â€“-
Today was good and bad. [First the bad, Denise and I were up in the city and I illegally parked her car so we could get her something to eat and it got towed â€“ cost $28 which she has unselfishly offered to pay in full â€“ no remembrance of the event necessary!]
John Perry from K101 phoned me up and has a two track stereo version of Energy waiting at the front desk as a result of me phoning him up. Thatâ€™s why we had driven to the downtown section of town. She had to go to the city to get her shot so I had come with her. Fred re-bought my microphone back for me, which I traded the other day. I fixed my guitar cord and wrote the rough draft of a song today. Fred is leaving, again!, for San Diego this time, but promises to trade his Telecaster for group equipment and sell his car to fix up mine.
June 9th, 1977 â€“-
Dear Diary, what more can go wrong than what happened today. Nothing really bad happened except for all the mental abuse I allowed myself to suffer!! Actually, I can probably attribute it all to the mere fact that I didnâ€™t eat properly today â€“ so remember â€“ eat well think well!!! I had a meeting with Al today and he apparently didnâ€™t think Energy had what it would take. I almost quit the Romanticâ€™s today but I resolved that I should make a â€˜goâ€™ of the group. I must study up and see if everything about the group fits Joe Karboâ€™s idea of success!! Marty Friedman helped us get some great effects off the tape today by using speaker on sound. I phoned Robin and apologized.
June 10th, 1977 â€“-
Today was a day of love amongst other things. I saw Robin during the day and we made love on her bed. That was a lot of fun! Tom and I tried to use the PA system or practicing today but it just doesnâ€™t cut the mustard! We decided that weâ€™ll have to bring out system back. I made a drum trade! Tomâ€™s brother got us a 6-pack of Heineken for letting him use the microphones over again. Denise came by and bought me a pizza and then her and I went and made love! Diary, thereâ€™s something I have been putting off telling you, but maybe itâ€™s time right now. I had a dream â€“now all those who read this are going to think that I am crazy â€“in fact Iâ€™ll continue to write about this on another page.
June 11th, 1977
Saturday brings a refreshing glimpse of hope and light into my wonderful situation, which has somehow been looking gloomy lately to me. The most important event of the day deals with Marty Friedman, today dubbed our Sound Technician Supreme, of the Hopeless Romantics, helped me compile a tape for Ted, which consists of â€“
1) What a Night
2) When I Tell You I Love You
3) K101 Feb. 16th, and our fight was resolved into friendship!!
I wrote an accompanying letter to Ted for the tape and a letter to Donna and a final letter to Paddy before we leave. Tom and I tried to return our PA system and although they refused it we have discovered ourselves a few options. My cabinet shall be built tomorrow. The most faithful and loving Denise, the most wonderful girlfriend a guy could have went with me to see the Eye of the Tiger â€“ this evening was great and so was our loving!!
June 12th, 1977 -/
I had a dream this night that I made love to Cookie, Deniseâ€™s sister. It was exquisite, but in the interests of that poor kind little heart I donâ€™t think I should pursue it! After my brother helped me assemble my speaker cabinet I drove to Robinâ€™s â€“ it was shortly passed midnight and she answered her door and we kissed, she said I couldnâ€™t stay but invited me for tomorrow at 11pm. I didnâ€™t phone Denise today and it seems, almost to my heartâ€™s regret although I am purposely causing it for our own good, that our romance of 2 years and 2 Â½ months may soon be dormant. Tom and I had a little practice today. I guess it would be slightly natural for me to feel awkward about my trip to Canada since I am leaving home for good but tonight I feel a confident.
June 13th, 1977 â€“-
This pen writes nicely! Ah! My life is getting back to where it should be! Itâ€™s all an attitude, you know! My attitude is correct again and you know I really feel that I am on an upward climb and that every so often I have a depression or a period of phobia (self-phobia) but when I come out of it I am even better than I was before and they donâ€™t come nearly so often or so badly. Iâ€™m turning out to be a pretty happy fella in this life â€“ and why not?
Today, for example I took it easy around the house and at 4:30 p.m. my girl Denise came over and we made love on my bed. Then after dinner our friend Bill Weeks interviewed us for a local paper. The H.R.â€™s chatted, practiced, organized and OKâ€™ed letters after which I went to Robinâ€™s and when she said she wanted to sleep I went down on her (she had her back turned to me) and then inserted myself into her vagina from the rear! She couldnâ€™t sleep through that so we made love and I owe it all to Dyna/Pyschâ„¢!
June 14th, 1977 -/
I have lived out 22 years of my life basically in one spot. I have been reasonably well cared for, fed, clothed, housed. I have a nice warm bed to come home to at night. I go where I want, when I want â€“ no questions asked. I am surrounded by love. This is typical of people and is so pleasant they often choose never to leave it. I have made a decision â€“ I am leaving it all behind me, house, home, possessions, family, friends and background. In 21 more days I will be leaving for good â€“ never to come back to this home the same. I vow I will be rich and famous ere I set foot here again and I predict within a year fortune will lift me to that lofty perch! â€“ Today was ever so pleasant. Practiced, made love, I am growing to love Helen, my step Mom and of course, my Dad. It went very well today.
June 15th, 1977 //
My life is greeeeeaaat! â† I copied that from my diary of 2 years ago because I want to duplicate the sensation of when I went to Europe â€˜cause now Iâ€™m going to Canada â€“ anyway itâ€™s true. In the last four days my luck and life are improving and I hope it continues. Now today I â€“
1) Dropped off letter, newspaper article and tape to Tedâ€™s house in S.F.
2) We got our Shure Vocal Master PA back for $50 extra bucks!
3) I wrote a song in a â€œmusical styleâ€ tonight with Tomâ€™s words â€“ â€œIâ€™m In Love Again.â€
4) Iâ€™m going over to Robinâ€™s tonight and Denise is taking me â€“ all expenses paid â€“ away someplace this weekend
5) I found my financial sheets.
6) The day was very pleasant.
7) The H.R.â€™s finally have adequate equipment!!! Bravo!!! I love Helen Shea!!! Nice woman!!
June 16th, 1977 -/
Everything is shaping up. Itâ€™s as if all of my life and doings are centered on Canada. Slowly all my affairs are being cleared up!
Today I got my grades â€“ the lowest Iâ€™ve ever had 1-A, 1-B and 2-Câ€™s but still not too bad. The way the semester started it could have been worse!! The H.R.â€™s had a long practice today. The PA sounded great â€“ and today was the first day we practiced with all the equipment we have been striving for so long â€“ we have gotten nearly $3000 worth of equipment since October of last year â€“ in 8 months: Not too bad!! Iâ€™m sure glad we got our PA back even though it cost us $50. We have decided to get a van. I practiced on my guitar for the second night in a row for about 1-Â½ hours.
June 17th, 1977 -/
It is interesting to note that on December 18th, 1975, 18 months ago, I wrote No. 1 BEC Bulletin which was a list of items needed of the group â€“ amps, guitars, etc. and everything has been accomplished except for Paddyâ€™s drums and his microphone and a â€œnew VW van.â€ Well it wonâ€™t be a VW but the H.R.â€™s have decided to buy a van for the trip. Everything is shaping up. I made a list today of songs the early Beatles played but were written by other people: Money, Chains, Boys, Slow Down, Long Tall Sally, Dizzy Miss Fizzie and Twist & Shout. The H.R.â€™s practice went well today. I ate well at dinner tonight. My health is perfect!
June 18th, 1977 â€“-
How many times have I been to Yosemite? Lets count them. Today, one. With Bernadette, two. With Tom, Gary, Jeff, three; with just Gary and Jeff, four, with Mike Regan, five; I recall driving through with Mike Taylor, six; with Dad and the Fadgens, seven; that picture of me here when I was about five, (eight.) The time I cried because I thought Dad didnâ€™t want me as a child, Donna was there â€“ the Fadgenâ€™s were not, when I was maybe nine or eight â€“ that makes nine trips â€“ oh yeah! So that makes nine documented trips to Yosemite! We arrived there tonight. What a wonderful place. My mental state now is one of the high order where you feel great â€˜upâ€™, ready to do things, un-self-conscious. I started reading a story by Balzac called Old Goriot.
June 19th, 1977 â€“-
Ah! Beautiful day. I woke up earlier today than ever before without an alarm clock. I was fully awake at 5:15am! After a breakfast of eggs French toast, hash browns and coffee I continued to read the magnificent story of Old Goriot by Balzac. Those Harvard Classics will make a wise man of me â€“ I must read them all! â€œWhat sort of men do women run after? Men of ambition. Men of ambition have stronger frames, their blood is richer in iron, their hearts are warmer than those of ordinary men.â€ â€“ Balzac. Denise and I went bike riding for almost 5 miles, saw a group of five deer, made love 5 times, had lunch and dinner, got a tent â€“ cabin for the night, took showers; every time I come to Yosemite I feel blissful!! There is something here that my heart is linked to.
June 20th, 1977 -â€“
We left Yosemite this afternoon and drove along the Merced River to Highway 49 where we took a right and ended up in Sonora. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful drive. Denise got us a place at the neatest hotel Iâ€™ve ever stayed at in my life. Itâ€™s called the Gunn (Motor) Hotel and itâ€™s on the main drag in Sonora California. It is a real small room but it has all of this old California antique furniture and marble sink, marble tabletops, painted antique chairs. They have rocking chairs- antique of course, on the balcony, which hangs over the street and a sitting room by the pool, with a piano and free coffee and marvelous antiques. Our room was $17.50. We were so tired when we went to bed that we didnâ€™t even make love. We talked about it today and decided that when she drops me off tomorrow that will be the last time we will see each other. Itâ€™s been a wonderful relationship and itâ€™s nice to know that I do now and always will love Denise Branch.
June 21st, 1977 â€“-
I blubbered more today than I have in a long time – ran into my room from Deniseâ€™sâ€™ car tears streaming down my face after I had said, â€œI only want you to know that I love you with all my heart and probably a little bit more!â€ She didnâ€™t drive away but came to my door and we cried and cried. (I kissed her before, such a bitchinâ€™ kiss! â€“ with tears in my eyes!! I know it sounds silly, butâ€¦.) We talked and decided that never to see each other again was too much to bear and that sometime in my 29th year, i.e., when I am 28, I will find her and take her to lunch and make love regardless of whether or not she is married. With the hope we could see each other again it was much easier to part from her. Oh! How I love her! Before she went I told her that she was one of my best friends and that she was a goddess and that the world needs a heart like hers and that she was this great and that great. I am all choked up tonight but diary, although Iâ€™ll miss her, and sheâ€™ll miss me 10 times more, I tell you Jeff, you will find many more loves!
June 22nd, 1977 â€“
[3/873] 1st Day of Freedom!!
Still waiting for a letter from Ted and a letter from Paddy. As of now the H.R.â€™s have got all the equipment they need but donâ€™t yet have a van and still have no address. To go to once they arrive in Calgary. Today was fantastic. In the morning I felt a little bad because I had broken up with Denise but I felt progressively better all day. At noon I read about the Hopeless Romantics in the Burlingame Times. Leader in a front-page article written by Bill Weeks!! It was great and all day long people were telling me how they had heard it and read about it! I had one of the best times Iâ€™ve had in a long time tonight when I went driving with Tom, Jeff Clymer and Bill Weeks. I feel great. I phoned Nuria and Iâ€™ve got a date for 11am Monday and Denise called me and wants to see me one time before I go. Talked Robin.
June 23rd, 1977 -/
Everything is quite bitchinâ€™ today! For one thing itâ€™s hot weather at least. You wake up in the morning and itâ€™s 70 or 80 degrees!! For another thing my lifestyle is pretty bitchinâ€™ too. Letâ€™s look at the changes â€“ when I broke up with Denise it gave me more time to spend with my friends â€“ which is exactly what Iâ€™ve been doing. Cappa and me are getting closer and Clymer and me are developing an understanding! Tonight we went drinking and I did the two important things that cause friendships. I first exalted him with praise â€“ to let him know I love him as a brother and secondly I berated the aspects of his character that bother me â€“ to let him know he should respect me â€“ Iâ€™m moving up in the world you can be sure of that.
June 24th, 1977 â€“-
Well, I kind of blew it tonight and yet somehow I feel I made some headway. It was our celebration for Fredâ€™s 21st birthday. I had a real good time all night, with Gary, Jeff and Fred until Nelson and I were shadow-fighting and he hit me accidentally in the lip and a few minutes later I got ousted from a bar because I suddenly realized I had lost my wallet and I could not produce my I.D. I was however, smart enough to sleep in my car instead of driving home drunk â€“ illegal, you know!!! I even was crying to Cappa because of all of it- and I busted out all about my ideas of greatness and the deepness of our friendship to those guys. I might have made a mistake â€“ but what the hell! Our group is really getting popular â€“ everyone is talking about me due to that newspaper article â€“ we are scheduled to play on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd of July!!
June 25th, 1977 â€“-
It suddenly dawned upon me today that Tom, Fred and especially I have a very lot to do before we go and so little time to do it! My feelings at this time of life are pretty exciting. We have got to get a move on. I wish we either didnâ€™t have to play at those parties or that we werenâ€™t so rushed for time. Itâ€™s too much to â€“
1) Prepare to go to Canada
2) Visit with your family and friends and
3) Prepare to play at a couple of parties.
This is what would we would benefit by refusing to play at those parties.
1) We would have had the benefit of practicing. It was an incentive to get us off our butts
2) We could get publicity by not showing up
3) We could devote the night of the party to other things. I canâ€™t wait to leave for Canada!!
June 26th, 1977 -/
Right now I am lying in my bed. So much is happening! Memories of my trip to Europe keep popping up in my head, as I clean out my room and organize for the trip! I have my pack filled with stuff and my suits- my suitcase packed and two boxes with my books and records. Well, I have kept my records of Europe for 1-Â½ years without losing them! By tomorrow I should be pretty well packed! Itâ€™s almost hard for me to believe that Iâ€™m leaving like this â€“ and for good! Itâ€™s a big step in my life. Itâ€™s a decision between a sedentary existence and an adventurous one â€“ they will both lead me to the grave, but what will happen between now and then?! I feel so free â€“ physically and especially mentally â€“ the difference between The Brothers and ordinary people â€“ we feel our freedom. Denise called me today but I wasnâ€™t home and she left me a note on my car yesterday. It wonâ€™t be a good idea for me to get too close to her before I go. Sheâ€™s a very wonderful girl!
June 27th, 1977 -/
Hello â€“ cruel world!! Ah! Everythingâ€™s just fine â€“please ignore the sign on this page, which says we are leaving for Canada today â€“weâ€™ve postponed that for a week.
[12 Noon we leave for Canada. (Written 4-13-77)]
We practiced a little in the morning and then I went and saw Nuria. She looked beautiful so we kissed and we lay down on her bed and I felt her whole body through her dress. Weâ€™ve got quite a chemistry when weâ€™re together. We found a van today. Me, Clymer, Hockridge and Nelson found a 67 Chevy Van for $795 in S.F. I went over to Robinâ€™s tonight and we made love for about 20 minutes. It was great and Iâ€™m supposed to go back for more next Thursday night at 10:30pm. Denise phoned but she was so bummed out that I didnâ€™t want to see her!!!
June 28th, 1977 -/
I am writing this on June 30th at about 8pm and I can hardly express what has gone on the last 3 days, the 28th the 29th and today. Itâ€™s been a combination of good and bad. The good is that I am with my friends and we are having a good time and that we are leaving for Canada and we have a van! The bad can be summed up very simply â€“ the party on Friday night, the party on Saturday night and Garyâ€™s party on Sunday night. We have been asked to play on all of these occasions, but to be perfectly frank, diary, it is a causing more trouble than it is worth. We are spending so much time getting ready for these parties that it is interfering with our planning for our trip to Canada!! At any rate we are going to pick up our van tomorrow â€“ a green van â€“ that Tom and–
June 29th, 1977 -/
– Fred each chipped in $400 to get! Jeff Clymer is â€“ excuse me â€“ Now it is the 29th â€“ we got our van. Jeff Clymer has started working on it!! Let me speak in the present. Itâ€™s the 30th!! I told John this morning that I am not going to play unless we are each given $10 to cover expenses and such. I am going out to dinner with my father on Saturday night to Bardelliâ€™s or to the Cornelian Room. I put my car up for sale for $550 in the S.M. times. It was interesting on the night of the 29th because all of my â€˜brothersâ€™ were in the same room. Tom, Gary, Jeff, Fred and Mike. It was great! I have been having quite a time with those guys. Iâ€™ve been having quite a time with those guys. Iâ€™ve been going swimming at Garyâ€™s, etc. We still owe Dad $80 and I owe Grammy $50 or one dayâ€™s work!!
June 30th, 1977 -/
We practiced today. In the evening I went to Martyâ€™s to do some taping but we got wrapped up in listening to some old tapes which I had brought down of myself and he all but made me promise â€“ and may I say with my full consent â€“ that I would personally record my guitar riff for at least an hour before I go to Canada! After Marty fed me a few beers I went to Robinâ€™s. When we got to bed I made love to her and despite the fact she did not move around that much it felt exquisitely good and was one of the best pokes Iâ€™ve had in a while. It can be said that when a girl likes the way you come, she clings to you after you make love. She gets tired and very introverted or affectionate â€“ anyway thatâ€™s what Robin did. Today I demanded $10 or I wasnâ€™t going to play tomorrow night at the boat. There is a controversy over this!
July 1st, 1977 -/
Today a girl, who was an 8 Â½ or a 9, and I met on a boat. Gary said she was an 8.7. That would make her one of the best looking girls any of us have gone out with.
Ah!! Tonight I met one of the most beautiful girls I have had the pleasure to meet! â€“ I was so dejected that our band had sounded so poorly that I went and sat by myself on the second deck of the boat. Shortly after a girl named Leslie Hinchcliffe came by with her friend and said we sounded good. They left and I closed my eyes and soon I felt a chair being moved and then a knee against mine and that girl Leslie, when I opened my eyes, was smiling at me and had seated herself across from me. We talked and all I could say to her was how beautiful she was and she even said I was good looking. Later on I went up to her and said, â€œLeslie, I donâ€™t want to bother you now but can we have lunch or breakfast before I go to Canada?â€ She smiled and said, â€œSure. My phone number is 347-9226 and itâ€™s the only Hinchcliffe in the phone book.â€ Then I motioned and I kissed her lips shortly and felt her perfect lips, soft, with lipstick, against mine. I checked in the directory and the number was good.
July 2nd, 1977 -/
Today was even better!!! So much the better! For today at 2:30 p.m. I got up the guts, after a lot of contemplation, to phone up Leslie, who answered the phone pleasantly and sounded or gave the impression of the utmost enthusiasm to see me and do whatever Iâ€™d like to do! So we decided to have me pick her up at 7 p.m. tomorrow evening for coffee and then with swimming suits in hand we will visit Garyâ€™s party!! I was so overwhelmed and so overjoyed after speaking to her! She was so nice to me and of course I paid her compliment after compliment because I canâ€™t help myself!! I told her I was a bit reluctant to bring her to Garyâ€™s party because â€œthe guys would try to monopolize your time.â€ And she replied to my delight â€“ â€œwell, Iâ€™m coming with you so â€“ Iâ€™ll just be with you!â€ â€“ Change of subject! My Dad took me â€“ for my birthday â€“ heâ€™s bitchinâ€™ â€“ to Padiâ€™s for 2 whisky sours, to Canadian Room for 2 Pina colada with vodka and lobster dinner and then to the CafÃ© Canteta for 1 /1/2 Streggio â€“ High class time. I cannot get Leslie off my mind and I love it!!
July 3rd, 1977 â€“-
Well that little love affair is soon over! But I learned quite a lesson tonight. When I picked up Leslie I asked her if she thought before the night was over if sheâ€™d kiss me- MISTAKE! Well, it was the attitude which was a mistake, if you want to call it that!!! I was assuming and introverted style with her whereas I remembered upon reflecting that Harpsterâ€™s science was based on one of total extroverted-ness. I made 2 errors. I b_____ h____ and I m_____ a f____ of h_____. I was being very submissive. 2 things you can always count on with girls â€“ c_______ and the m______ i______. You can do everything to a girl save â€“
1) B______ h_____
2) M_____ a f____ of h____.
Harpster also said the Indirect approach is almost always far better than the Direct approach. Iâ€™m going to look at girls as a science, talk to Jack and practice and become the best! She left the party without even telling me! Oh well! The H.R.â€™s played at Cappaâ€™s and it was a blast!!! People liked it!
July 4th, 1977 â€“-
Last night I had a good time despite the fact that Leslie walked out on me. We played songs over and over and people really seemed to enjoy themselves. The big hits were Energy and What a Night and Keep Me Warm! It was so different from Friday night because â€“
1) I want to play there
2) I was totally loose â€“ we improvised some and kept a rapport going with those who were listening.
Today we tried working on the van. I had dinner at home and tried to return Deniseâ€™s call of the other day and I spent the night at Robinâ€™s. I kept a totally extroverted outlook on the reasons I was there. We made love and it was excellent. Iâ€™m supposed to go over there on Wednesday at midnight for my final visit â€“ and believe me, by the time Iâ€™d be in a position to see her again Iâ€™ll be making love to the most beautiful of women!
July 5th, 1977 â€“-
Every day grows more exciting â€“ Today I received $400 from Gary for my car. So there is very little now holding back the trip! A crowning achievement today occurred when Gary and I were talking about the group shortly before I was supposed to leave and not see him for maybe another year. I ran to my car to fetch the notebook I discovered yesterday and I showed him excerpts from the notebook saying that Me, Tom, Fred and Paddy would be famous. It blew his mind and he said I was a mastermind. I want to record Harpster in a series of seven talks on women to attain the fantastic wealth of knowledge the man has. Things are speeding by â€“ talks with Clymer and Cappa proved to make them understand my plan. My plan for life is very vast and I canâ€™t cover it well in my diary. Iâ€™ll have to write a treatise!!
July 6th, 1977 -/
Diary, the last few days have been slightly shocking. As I prepare to leave, thumbing through my papers of Europe, it strikes me â€“ the excitement and sense of self-reliance one must have to undertake an adventure such as the one I am undertaking. My friends are being very loyal to go with me and pay for the transportation and the people that are staying behind are loyal also â€“ Gary has confidence in us as does Jeff and even Mike, although Mike comments our trip will last only 6 months as a group. I saw Denise today in secret from my peers and we made love 3 times (2V) as a going away present to each other. She gave me a letter which was so touching I could not help crying. The love, confidence and warmth that girl instills in me is amazing. She looked very pretty. I spent the night over Robinâ€™s house.
July 7th, 1977 -/
I am going to leave the bottom of the page blank as I am writing this at 8:45pm and perhaps the most important events of the day are yet to come â€“ phone calls to Ted Aksnes and Paddy Mallon. I donâ€™t have any specific reason for feeling so but I canâ€™t help feeling confident that both of those gentlemen will come shining through and be part of this crazy dream! The rest of the page will tell the story â€“ well â€“ Ted checked out â€“ he said â€œYou guys have promise â€“ my friends and I decided that.â€ He said weâ€™ll keep in touch if thereâ€™s anything he can do in San Francisco to help us just let him know. In other words, as I expected, Ted is bitchinâ€™ and I still maintain that â€œsomethingâ€™s going to happen and Ted will be our manager.â€ Of course, I could be wrong! Saw Taylor tonight. His Dad found 150 lbs. of pennies inside an old scale! Mike said it was timely that I called him because he was getting negative and I pulled him out of it. I phoned the number of Paddy Mallon in Calgary but it was the wrong guy!!!!!
July 8th, 1977 -/
Big day today. I phoned Paddyâ€™s house in Thunder Bay and his sister said he was at work. I drove to Gramâ€™s had breakfast, worked off my 2nd $25 â€“ debt to Gammy, had lunch, received $20 from her for my birthday, so I originally borrowed $100 of which I gave her back $50 and $25 today and Iâ€™ll send her $25 tomorrow which will clear that debt and the other $250 borrowed from her I worked off today so when I send her $25 I will be free of debt to everyone except that the H.R.â€™s owe Dad $50! I registered for school as a matter of principles and I dropped a tape and a letter off in Deniseâ€™s mailbox. I phoned the guitar center and the Canadian consulate. I received a phone call a few minutes ago from Mrs. Mallon, saying that Paddy had phoned and wants us to call him at 3pm our time tomorrow â€“ Thatâ€™s the best news Iâ€™ve heard in months!! Fredâ€™s Dad gave him $400 to make the trip. Remember what I said previously that I wasnâ€™t good looking? Well, I changed my mind. Iâ€™ve a beautiful physique. Iâ€™d like a full nude portfolio taken of me by a women before I get much older. When Iâ€™m 30 I plan to make myself the best looking man in the world. Now for everyone who read the above. Isnâ€™t that some of the weirdest stuff Iâ€™ve written in this whole diary?? Forgive me!!
July 9th, 1977 -/
This is the day when everything fell into place. Fred and I went to the Flea Market. He made almost $100 and I got rid of the Kasino column. When we arrived back I phoned Paddy and may I say after we had spoken the last piece had been set to the puzzle. He said to meet him at his house in Thunder Bay and he sounded bitchinâ€™ and looking forward to seeing us. The van was finished being worked on today and seems to be in tip-top shape at the Moment. I got a tie, belt and wallet today compliments of Fred and I paid back Gammy and she said if I need help that I should call her! â†’ Can you imagine being famous and at the same time being famous and being bitchinâ€™ and at the same time being bitchinâ€™. What I mean is very many times people are famous because of publicity but no one really likes them. But can you imagine being Famous when everyone really does love you!!!! Itâ€™s going to be me!!!
July 10th, 1977 -/
Today we left and in all honesty diary parts of today were a real bummer and yet other parts were such that I was in total ecstasy! For one thing Kate Hockridge came screaming up to the house cause we werenâ€™t going to get insurance whereas I was ecstatic when we were finally on our way! We drove through Reno and Nevada all the way til we reached Salt Lake City on Monday morning. It was in short a rather raunchy beginning to what will be the most legendary trip of all Earthlings. We traded off driving through the night. I canâ€™t wait til we stop and take it easy. Iâ€™ve got to solve a problem, which seems to be inherent to this trip â€“ weâ€™ve got 3 thinking minds and we each want to be leaders â€“ Fred thinks he knows the right thing. Tom thinks he knows the right thing â€“ but I do know the right thing â€“ and when they donâ€™t agree its either failure or contemplation â€“ V/C please solve this!!!
July 11th, 1977 -/
Ahhhh! Here I am. Never before so content, peaceful, blissful and good looking. Sitting in a garden chair looking out upon Bear Lake in Utah at the beginning of dusk whilst Tom and Fred do the same. Itâ€™s really the first time weâ€™ve stopped since we left and if this is any indication of what the rest of the trip is going to be like I am in luck! Dinner is on the fire. The ride up here was one of the best and fun rides Iâ€™ve ever been on in my life! Reason â€“ I had my head through the hole in the van and Hock had himself out the window in front and we were simultaneously yelling and watching the scenery. Today a beautiful girl in Salt Lake City, totally turned on to me in the bank â€“ she was a teller. And she said, â€œCould you please kidnap me?â€ Iâ€™m going to fuck more babes on this trip and in the next few weeks and months than I ever have in my life! I feel like a god!!
July 12th, 1977 -/
I had one of the best talks Iâ€™ve had with my brotherâ€™s last night. It was incredible how philosophical we became whilst drinking Chivas Regal under the stars. In the early morning I awoke to witness one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen â€“ the quarter moon above the lake with a huge bright Venus below it and directly above the silhouetted mountains â€“ the sky a deep navy blue and a faint powder blue on the horizon. We drove through Idaho today to Wyoming â€“ it was so beautiful dairy â€“ I stuck my head through the window again in the top of the van â€“ itâ€™s such a blast to do this! We slept by a beautiful river in the beginning of the Grand Tetons right above Alpine, Wyoming. I know Iâ€™m saying how great everything is, but believe me itâ€™s true.
July 13th, 1977 -/
Today we drove through Wyoming and for the first time the weather was cloudy. When we finally arrived in beautiful Yellowstone National Park it was sunny. A girl walked down off a small hill and asked if we needed a place to stay while Fred had gone to the can. Her and a couple from New Jersey shared their campsite with us. In the middle of the night I crawled in her tent and asked if she minded if I stayed in there for a while, she said she didnâ€™t mind â€“ but all my advances were in vain with the tired girl. I felt her large tits a few minutes and her ass and even got my finger in her vagina. I enjoyed the play immensely for itâ€™s been to long since I have touched a girl! I eventually crawled outside and slept under the stars.
July 14th, 1977 -/
In the morning, Carrie, the girl I slept with for awhile (no love) last night, said to me, â€œI think a bear crawled in my tent last night!!â€ â€“ We drove to Old Faithful and cleaned up. For my birthday, tomorrow, Tom and Fred bought my way into a dance. After having a Black Russian I asked a girl named Joyce if sheâ€™d like to dance. She had been eyeing me for a while and she immediately responded by hanging on my arm. I kissed her a peck on the lips as I left, but later on she bumped into me by Old Faithful and we were putting our arms around each other and kissing. Tom started doing the same to her girlfriend Mary. It was great, great, great!!! I said things like, â€œIf I make you feel half as good as you make me feel then youâ€™re very lucky!â€ She loved me. We laid down in the van and made out and I put my hands all over her body. Fred drove all of us to West Yellowstone National Park and I returned to the Big Chief where she was staying after weâ€™d dropped her off and at 4am she let me in and I slept in a double bed but she had a female roommate and I slept alone.
July 15th, 1977 -/
My birthday! After I woke up in the adjoining bedroom/kitchen, Joyce came in and lay down for a few minutes and we kissed and she gave me her addresses and phone number and she left for Bozeman. We practiced Buried Treasure at an incredibly beautiful spot out of W. Yellowstone. The wind, warm and pleasant, the breeze, made heavenly harmonies on our guitars as we held them facing it. It was surrealistic.
I phoned Joyce when we got to Bozeman and her sister said she went to the Rodeo at Three Forks, so we drove to Three Forks and witnessed an incredible sight! We just happened to go there on the townâ€™s wildest weekend â€“ we saw two broncoâ€™ riders and then the rodeo was over (we got there late) and everyone filled the streets and got drunk, happy and rowdy. Fights broke out. There was a band playing country tunes outside. No luck with the girls, though I danced a bit â€“ a new hobby! On the way back to Bozeman Tom and Fred argued and Tom was telling him heâ€™s go to buckle down to be famous and said some things that proved his faithfulness. He is bitchinâ€™!
July 16th, 1977 //
I want to take this time out to say that last night when we were driving home I was in the back of the van trying to sleep and Tom was talking to Fred and Tom was saying some real interesting things about me and how I was the organizer. I even thought he said that I was some kind of organizer of the brothers. Regardless, I know that everything that I heard was the truth I know about myself and it was incredible to learn that Tom was so aware of who I am and what I stand for. Tom is so smart!!
Today we got prepared in Bozeman, bought groceries and they only came to $13.87 and will last for days! We drove to Custer, Montana and had one of the best dishes of spaghetti Iâ€™ve ever tasted in America. It must have been 70 degrees at 10 oâ€™clock at night. It was one of the nicest nights as far as weather Iâ€™ve experience in awhile. The air was still. But then insects were out in abundance. We saw a few skunks near our campsite. We talked a bit about arriving in Thunder Bay and meeting Paddy.
July 17th, 1977 -/
We got up late and had pancakes for breakfast after we practiced Buried Treasure for a while. By the time we were ready to leave it was about 100 degrees outside. We drove all day through Montana and camped for the night in Glen Ullin, North Dakota. The most beautiful place we saw today was Theodore Roosevelt Memorial Park or the Badlands soon after you enter North Dakota on Highway 94 from the West. It was like nothing Iâ€™ve ever seen before. In the evening after we passed the Badlands, Tom and I sang all sorts of songs from The Music Man, Camelot, The Sound of Music and songs by the Beatles. It was like old times â€“ The bubbling enthusiasm of Tom and I! Just remember, in the infinite impossibility of when we, Tom and I and Fred became popular entertainers, to always remember their love and brotherhood between us that is unsurpassed!! Regardless of the differences we may seem to be defending.
July 18th, 1977 â€“-
Today we got up and left Glen Ullin by 7:45pm and we drove for almost 9 hours to Park Rapids, Minnesota which is where I started hitchhiking the day I met Paddy. We found a nice spot on Little Mantrap Lake. It is very hot here in Minnesota. There is a wind but itâ€™s very warm and the water in the lakes is like a cool bath; it is very warm too! We had a very good spaghetti dinner. Fred and I swam across the lake before we went to sleep. The only drawback to the whole day as the mosquitoâ€™s during the wee hours of the morning. They ate Tom and I alive.
You know Diary, I hope to God everything works out with Paddy and us because those guys have put so much trust in me. If for nothing else. Itâ€™s quite a shot in the dark to go up there to Thunder Bay. God be with us!!
July 19th, 1977 -/
Well, compared to my situation when I was say 18 years old, I am hot with girls right now. Tonight, after practicing during the day and a large meal of hamburgers for dinner, after a large breakfast of eggs and pancakes, the romantics set out to find a house of girls where we could spend the night. And it was rather surprising how close we came to that. We went to the Nothinâ€™ Fancy about 9 miles north of Pack Rapids, Minnesota and met a group of 6 girls who had a place near Park Rapids. I danced with 3 of them and then when we got back to their place I took a walk with a girl named Dawn and we went into the van and I played her Farm Boy and Itâ€™s a Cruel World and we kissed a bit. Followed byâ€¦ a walk and we laid down in the park and I felt her tits a bit through her top and grabbed her ass and we kissed. I was eyeing her tits when we were back at the dance but they appeared to diminish in size when she changed to a tight top. They had looked huge at the dance in her loose white top! We went back to the house and we were invited to play but some boyfriends on motorcycles came up at 3 am so we left.
July 20th, 1977 -/
Things are very off schedule and yet again how can I complain for my idea conceived 2 years ago achieved a new state of fruition as Tom Hockridge, Fred Nelson and I cross the border into Canada (trouble free?) One always seems to stare at the discrepancy between what he ideally wants and reality, diminishing the pleasure one should reap when oneâ€™s plans are 80% completed!! Here we are, in Canada! Again tonight I met a girl and kissed her goodnight ( – Can I have a kiss goodnight? â€œA small one.â€ And a kiss on the lips ensued – ) only this time she was beautiful. Tom and Fred said, â€œThat blonde over there is cute!â€ and so I went over and started talking to her and her friends. We all went to a party and I said Iâ€™d give her a ride home since she wanted to go home. We talked profusely and she was very friendlyâ€¦ and very good looking! Her name is Carol. The people here in Atikokan that we met were all crazy and all drug addicts! We went to a party where people were mainlining downers!
July 21st, 1977 -/
The best part of the day was the fact that we practiced a lot. Now we basically know our parts to Energy, The World We Both Knew, What Your Mother Told You, In Such a Time, The Bottom To the Top, Sleazy Charm, Buried Treasure, Keep Me Warm, Slow Down and Bad Boy. I want to hold as much as possible to the edict that we should practice to 950 hours before we arrive in Thunder Bay, but this conflicts with the desire to have at least $225 cash when we go into Thunder Bay. Right now I believe I have $231. We practiced out by a lake about 9 miles from Atikokan. We went to a park at 7:30pm for dinner. Afterwards we went to â€“ Fred and I that is, Tom slept in the van â€“ the Rockton in Atikokan and I attempted to make time with Veronica, and we danced 2 dances together, one slow dance, but nothing more transpired. We slept in the park and were not bothered by mosquitoes.
July 22nd, 1977 -/
We practiced all day long out at the lake outside of Atikokan and a drummer from the group that plays at the Rockton sat on our rock and listened to us. He asked if weâ€™d like to play at a matinee in town tomorrow. After practice and/or swimming we fired ourselves a spaghetti dinner, dressed and went into town. I didnâ€™t buy even one beer, but I found one dollar, I danced 3 dances. Tom and I went to the Hotel Steep Rock to watch the stripper Fred and I had discovered last night.
The night ended up in the most horrible of fashions- we hauled 2 of our amps into a house and started jamming at 4 oâ€™clock am. It was awful and started only after arguments as to whether weâ€™d play or not. Nobody enjoyed themselves, us or the audience and we drove back to the lake after the sun was up; I was in a state of mind where I wanted to shrink up and put my head in a hole or something. I was considering this trip as a farce and our musical talent as non-existent. Itâ€™s a lucky thing that thereâ€™s such a thing as sleep. One can be confident that nights like this will eventually end.
July 23rd, 1977 -/
Today was the most pleasurable days of the trip. The most astounded H.R.â€™s stumbled into a â€œgold mine.â€ We were on the shore of a lake and were invited for lunch on an island in the middle of the lake. I had four toasted ham and cheese sandwiches, a helping of salad, 3 cups of coffee and 5 cookies. We practiced on the island all day and were invited to dinner. I took a swim out to an islet after dinner. We shared the evening with a group of young people from Chicago. There is much too much to explain on this small page. Piped in music, the initiation rites, a jug of rum. Charlie is friends with Bob Gibson. The sauna let out into the lake and we took repeated dives. Iâ€™ll write more about this later.
July 24th, 1977 -/
My mission is over. Let the rest take itself. Praise will be the cry of the land! We have met Paddy Mallon. At 9:40 p.m. we came to his house after phoning him. There I was, 2 years of dreaming, the fruition of my goal residing in that happy meeting, four boys â€œwho hopefully will make it big,â€ four happy faces. Paddy not only had a beer waiting for each of us, he had a â€œ2-4â€, a case of Tabattâ€™s Blue, and German snuff, we were out to get pizza and he footed the bill of $8.15. He said that weâ€™ve got a job for 2 nights in 2 weeks and if weâ€™re good maybe 2 weekends in a row at the Murillo. He said weâ€™d get between $80 and $200 each and he talked with his friend who will have a place for us starting tomorrow night for free for as along as weâ€™re in town. We were invited to spend the night at his house, met his parents and laughed joked and philosophized til 2 am. I think, for the first time, Tom and Fred have seen my gift of power!
July 25th, 1977 -/
There is so much to say, diary, itâ€™s one of those times when your life appears before and after you stretching out, spanning out in both directions. It is odd because on one hand, of course, I want all my dreams to come true and kind of have the knowledge that they will, I thought them up, created them. Yet I fell almost bound out of choice to them. What I mean is that my mental make-up makes it a matter of course to follow the lifestyle I now lead. Nevertheless, things are too good to be true here in Thunder Bay.
Today Paddy introduced us to Phil who gave us the upstairs apartment for free for as long as we are here! We have our own keys and everything. On top of that, we are playing at the Murillo Hotel in 2 weeks for sure, that is unless we are astoundingly bad, but I can guarantee the best will happen. We had a barbeque steak dinner at Philâ€™s and then went out on the town with paddy who bought us a round of beer and rye and Fred bought a round of rye for a toast to how great we all were. Tom and I had a brawl in front of Philâ€™s. Be careful.
July 26th, 1977 â€“-
Well, here we are in Canada. I want to include in todayâ€™s entry a quote for posterity from a notebook I wrote in Italy in 1975. â€œWhen I get to Thunder Bay Iâ€™ll have him join my group. But thatâ€™s it right there â€“ Jeff Shea, Tom Hockridge, Fred Nelson and Paddy Mallon! The four boys who hopefully will make it big. I donâ€™t have to guess, I can already hear us playing in my head.â€ Itâ€™s rather unbelievable to me that I should have been able to single handedly bring about such a thing. Here we are, the H.R.â€™s.
We practiced Buried Treasure, Energy, The World We Both Knew, What Your Mother Told You, and Keep Me Warm and they are all ready for performance. Buried Treasure sounds so good I couldnâ€™t believe it. Paddy didnâ€™t come by today. I heard a few things about him like that he was irresponsible, got drunk before performances, was always late which I loved to hear because besides all the problems they all said he was a real good drummer. And it shows that heâ€™s just crazy enough to join the group.
July 27th, 1977 -/
Today we worked all day on Romantic Nights and a little bit on Sleazy Charm. Practicing as much as we do we get in a few arguments every couple of hours, but I am determined to â€œget along greatâ€ with my musical companions even if I have to pound it into their heads!! Ha! Ha! It is great to be here. The situation is great because we are able to do something Iâ€™ve had no chance to do in Burlingame- practice every day all day â€“ no interruptions, no girlfriends to see, no dinner to come home to, no commitments, no job, no school, only time to devote to music and our personal interest. Thunder Bay is, on the whole, so far, a pretty boring town in that everybody works and pretty much stays in their own groups. This also is conducive to practice, because thereâ€™s not much to do. We havenâ€™t seen Paddy since our big drunk last Monday. Heâ€™ll come around.
July 28th, 1977 -/
Today we practiced, practiced, practiced. We developed Romantic Nights to a point that I want to cry every time I hear it because I think it is so beautiful! â† Exaggeration â€“ And the things we did to Sleazy Charm and to Sheâ€™s Gonna Please Me are simply and I mean this literally â€“ unbelievable! The progress we are making is astounding. If we can keep this up, the people at the Murillo Hotel will love us, be astounded! Etc!
Paddy came by, took Fred and I to a bar and we played shuffleboard and drank beer. Tom made a joke that Paddy needs a sportsman hairpiece after he had left. He is balding a bit but it will only have positive effects on our astounding success. Later on in the evening we went to the Landmark, a large disco where there was a rock and roll band that had high platform shoes and about $50,000 worth of equipment on stage etc. but although they were practiced, I thought they were the shits!
July 29th, 1977 -/
What can I say? Well, Iâ€™m sure I can figure something out. We practiced all day long again and I had Fred play the parts I had figured out to Itâ€™s A Cruel World and it sounded so good I know we are approaching being able to launch Romance-mania. I talked to Dad last night and it was quite a coincidence that I had waited to phone til Ted Aksnes was having dinner with them at quarter to ten in the evening.
We went to a bar tonight and our cocktail waitress kind of turned on to me which is a good thing â€˜cause itâ€™s the first time itâ€™s happened here in T.B. Fred and I had one of the most philosophical conversations weâ€™ve ever had â€“ before we went to sleep â€“ in which Fred inadvertently told me and expressed to me all he understood about the principle of the H.R.â€™s thus proving himself to be a God. He and I think exactly alike. So Tom and Fred have both understood. Tom on July 15th.
July 30th, 1977 â€“-
I am laying here. It must be 3:15am on this Sunday morning, I have just finished cooking and eating a toasted cheddar cheese sandwich and cleaning up the apartment and I feel great for having organized everything before I sleep. My friends are not here, and judging by the hour and the fact that they have not arrived home it might be assumed that they have at last had some luck with the female population here in Thunder Bay. Diary, myself, I must make love to a female soon or I will even be anxiously awaiting that act.
Tonight Phil, his girlfriend and I jammed for about 2 hours on the guitars and today we added In Such A Time and Itâ€™s A Cruel World. We have been lazy and sluggish today and it would probably not hurt us to get up early and exercise and take excursions. As the greatest lover in the world I say it will be soon I shall grace some female with the pleasure of my bed.
July 31st, 1977 -/
Today was a day that Paddy was supposed to come over and practice with us but he never showed up. I found out (tomorrow) that he was still partying today with the wedding party of yesterday at which he was best man. So we practiced without him. Things here in Thunder Bay are rather boring. The best thing Iâ€™ve found so far to do is go to a cheap bar and get a beer. But itâ€™s O.K. because we are getting a lot of practicing done. Hock and I had a big philosophical talk tonight about writing songs and we were just ready to chuck the whole thing- the songbook that is â€“ when our rationale told us not to. But we saw the great discrepancy in our music and the Beatles and vowed to make it up by trying to write better songs. Itâ€™s great cause I feel like a musician now. Itâ€™s my trade.
August 1st, 1977 -/
Today was the first practice that Paddy played at. I supposed this is an historic occasion. I went over to Paddyâ€™s in the morning and we went out to a farm and got his equipment, came back to our place, had some pancakes and got started practicing. It was a very good practice and we had a great time. We all seemed very pleased. After we were through I asked Paddy when we were practicing again and he replied, â€œTomorrow!â€ We went to the Italian Centennial Hall and bought about 7 rounds of beers during which we told Paddy all our plans and got him psyched up to get the hell out of here. I described him as being on a pinnacle and ready to fall in any direction in life and he said that it described his situation perfectly and at a Moment shortly after saying he couldnâ€™t leave he said, (rather meaningfully) â€œI wish I could just sell my land and get out of here.â€ â€œEverything is going great.â€
August 2nd, 1977 -/
We practiced again with Paddy today. He showed up early and was ready to practice. I love it!! Itâ€™s really something else seeing all of us together. Paddy breaks out in a smile every once in a while (usually when heâ€™s saying â€œfucking shit.â€ When heâ€™s made a mistake). Heâ€™s a workhorse on the drums. I remember last night when I was giving him a bad time because when I met him â€œyou were more effervescentâ€ and he said, â€œalright! Iâ€™ll start being more effervescent again.â€ Paddy had a little trouble figuring out the drum part to Buried Treasure and we didnâ€™t seem to get much done but it was great anyway and Paddy says heâ€™ll be by tomorrow at nine because he has to reach Little League but he says heâ€™ll also be practicing with us Thursday. Heâ€™s into it! Great! Weâ€™re on our way!!
August 3rd, 1977 â€“-
Well, we practiced a little bit today, for example on You Canâ€™t Do That and Long Tall Sally. Paddy didnâ€™t show up which was all right because Phil had set us up with 3 ugly girls and we each wasted $5 each for booze. I was bummed out a little and Phil downstairs came up and got drunk and he was boisterous and playing the guitar so loud that the police came by. Fred ended up kissing the best looking of the ugly girls but it wasnâ€™t that heavy and they all went home and we all slept alone. Iâ€™m wondering what it is I am going to do to earn the title of the Greatest Lover in the World, which I want to be. I wonder will it be my sensitivity or understanding or will it be statistics of how many girls I screw or what â€“ maybe a combination. When I become famous that will help me get established for starters. Lots of practice you know!
August 4th, 1977 -/
I want to say how happy I am and to have that on the record here. Often, I suppose I donâ€™t appear all that happy because there are times when I take delight in reading or doing stuff and Iâ€™m not wearing a smile but inside right now Iâ€™m very pleased. Paddy didnâ€™t come by so I called him and reprimanded him and he promised heâ€™d come over Saturday at 11am for sure. From what I understand from a ton of people heâ€™s very irresponsible, for one thing heâ€™s booked to play with another band the day weâ€™re playing â€“ so, at any rate, I plan to pull the lad in line and have him join our band. We went out with 2 girls, 3 actually, Trish, Lucy and a housewife, Sharon, with large tits whom I was fortunate enough to sit against. She sat in between my legs and I had a hard on well Â¾â€™s there, and rubbing against her rear. The other girls weâ€™re supposed to pick up tomorrow night at their work at 11:30 p.m.
August 5th, 1977 -/
At about 10:20pm I started getting a rush of the most confident feelings Iâ€™ve ever had. At 11:25pm I phoned Paddy and gave him a pep talk and he promised heâ€™d be here tomorrow. At about 1:20am Tom said it to my face, â€œShea, Iâ€™m beginning to think that youâ€™re the father of the gods. Everything you say makes so much sense.â€ 3:15am I went into Ginnyâ€™s bedroom and she was on her bed and I started to explain to her about my dreams, goals and confidence, how I felt I knew her. She responded with soft, understanding, accepting eyes and let me know she was with me. Fred came in to say that he was leaving if I wanted to come and 3.2 seconds after he left the room, the dark bedroom, with me sitting on the bed, I got the most powerful sensation through me that Ginny and I were going to make love. I alluded to the fact that I felt she felt the same sensation but upon her request I said I was too unsure to state what I had felt, and she said, â€œO.K., Iâ€™ll tell you what I felt. I felt, when Fred had left the room that I wanted to hold you.â€ We both agreed on exactly what each of us thought, but Tom came in 3 or 4 times to roast me to leave until in all discretion I was forced to take leave.
August 6th, 1977 -/
Hockridge is starting to have full confidence in my ability to predict and judge situations. Practice with Paddy was bitchin.â€™ Weâ€™re beginning to sound like the Beatles.
Talking to Tom about what happened to me with Ginny last night and as a prelude I said that for a long time Iâ€™d been wondering how I could do something special with girls and I described my desire in this area â€“ â€œI want to be able to mesmerize girls.â€ I had a long talk with â€œLordâ€ Nelson about Ginny before I went to sleep last night while we walked around Thunder Bay til 5:45am. Fancy that during a period I am making so much progress towards being a master entertainer that I should have the key to being the greatest lover in the world fall in my lap.
Last night Ginny agreed to the statement that I felt I had made love to her a hundred times before. She agreed that the right thing to do would have been to throw my arms around her and make love to her right after Fred had left. He who hesitates is lost, I suppose.
Diary, I havenâ€™t been able to stop thinking of Ginny; I somehow think that something is going to happen with her. I feel like she is watching me write this right now. Itâ€™s like sheâ€™s reading my thoughts right now. I keep thinking that we are going to make passionate love physically. Itâ€™s really rather uncanny. Itâ€™s like I donâ€™t even really want it so much as I am positively sure itâ€™s going to happen. I think Tom was very impressed with the way I described the situation with Ginny. I suppose I want it to happen too.
August 7th, 1977 â€“-
To temporarily close the commentary on Ginny is to say that I know when Ginny and I are in a room alone with no one else around the feeling will be so strong that we must look at each other and know it canâ€™t be resisted and take one another in arms and kiss and feel the ecstasy brought forth â€“ and I know that situation will arise before I leave Thunder Bay. Do you know, diary, that when I began to talk with her she looked at me and said, Do you ever see yourself?, which is so odd because she was referring to like when, for example, I do a Silent Treatment and â€œlookâ€ at myself; all very weird and mystical, but for a girl like her, any girl, to guess me that quickly is more than I (in my normal mind) can comprehend. I feel it, above all, dearest diary, in my very bones, which assures me something will come of it. I wait.
I completed a song by Tom and I tonight called, â€˜Give You a Tryâ€™ and I do believe, and proud to report that I think, as does Tom that this is our â€˜Please Please Me.â€™ Itâ€™s got todayâ€™s equivalents of the qualities PPM had. Also happy to report that we practiced another 4-5 hours with Paddy today and now have 16 songs completed with Paddy. Obviously, I already feel him to be a member of the band and I wrote his name in on my H.R. roster in the space, which was inadvertently left for his name next to ours.
August 8th, 1977 â€“-
The greatest thing that happened today was that I wrote a great, great song and that the H.R.â€™s perfected the one I wrote yesterday. I give credit to Tom for all the lyrics â€“ theyâ€™re great. These two songs are enough to help us make it big; but, of course, how many times have we said that? Nelson was extremely complimentary about the songs. Iâ€™m trying to figure out what we are going to do when we have to leave Philâ€™s place in about 2 to 2 Â½ weeks. This place is ideal because Phil is a musician and he understands us practicing all the time. Weâ€™ve got a bathroom, kitchen and a place to play. Weâ€™re only 2 blocks from a Finnish restaurant called the Hoito which is inexpensive and the food is great and the have cute and polite young girls there. But someone is moving in here in September so we havenâ€™t much time here. But regardless of what happens I feel absolutely sure that it will be even better than what is happening to us right now. Itâ€™s just an attitude but it seems to work.
August 9th, 1977 â€“-
(Written August 11th referring to August 10th events in parenthesis. â€“ Fred said that when Ginny came upstairs to watch us perform Itâ€™s a Cruel World that she was â€œscoping me outâ€ and really paying heed to me. To me that is a sign that she is kind of in awe of me. More later maybe â€“ no â€“ for sure.) Paddy came by at about noon and we had a good long practice. Itâ€™s really something Diary, because a lot of Philâ€™s musician friends came by for a practice they were having and when they came upstairs to listen to a tune I really got the impression that they thought we were good.
I want to say Diary, I mean maybe sometimes I come off like a megalomaniac or some crazy guy who thinks he knows all but, letâ€™s face the truth, that all, everything in my life boils down to is the ambition of mine to have a lot of money, recognition, women, etc â€“ but itâ€™s not a mad goal, itâ€™s a very practical goal, something that at least everybody can understand; itâ€™s a human characteristic to desire comfort if not pleasure.
August 10th, 1977 â€“-
The guys and me went over; Each Other To You I Toast I Became Aware Today, When I Tell You I Love You and In Such a Time, today and then Paddy showed up at 7pm. We went over all those songs and then stopped. I had an all-important talk with Paddy this evening. I really do have a way of inciting people to do things, but only bitchinâ€™ things and only things that they really want to do anyway. I reminded Paddy how he used to fell about himself. Heâ€™s given up on himself. And I went into a very deep talk with him about his attitude and social life in Thunder Bay, made him feel destined to be bitchinâ€™ and famous. I told him heâ€™s always known deep down inside that he is bitchinâ€™ and that heâ€™s become bitter because nobody in Thunder Bay will take notice of his greatness so heâ€™s given up. So it worked. I really know I rekindled his spirit. I talked with the other guys about our situation and I report itâ€™s general consensus that something is happening here with our music â€“ I mean itâ€™s like magic. You can feel the aura. I am watching us go from bad to great.
August 11th, 1977
Today was one of those awful days when nothing seems to go right. For the most part it all came down to Paddy not showing up at all- he said he was going to show up and he didnâ€™t and we all lost our heads and thought everything was going to blow up in our faces. Fred and I, on a mission looking for Paddy all over town at 1am found him sitting in his car in front of his house and after our usual ensuing argument, Paddy being quite the wit, he promised to come by on Friday at 11am, despite work, and practice with us and get prepared for the Murillo. Tom, Fred and I were all edgy and a little concerned as to how things were going to go over tomorrow. We got in a big beef a few times during the day and it didnâ€™t make things any more pleasant, but I think the confrontations were merely the result of pressure. I cannot wait until the days of argument are over, and believe me they will be.
August 12th, 1977 â€“-
Today was fabulous. One good thing after another. Paddy came by in the morning with a letter, the second since I arrived, from Joyce Schutter and she really likes me. Paddy and us practiced, brought our equipment out to the Murillo, did a sound check, came back, Hock and I went for a sauna at the university, took a shower, went for a roast beef at the Hoito and picked up Paddy at his game (baseball) and drove to the Murillo Our first set was O.K., our 2nd set, terrible our 3rd set O.K. and our 4th set was thrilling, the place finally started jumping. At 1 oâ€™clock we finished and people stomped and called out for more, but legally we had to stop. Donnie, the owner went up to Paddy and asked us if we would like to play again next weekend: Fred and I got 2 â€“ 17 year olds phone numbers and when we got back to our place, Ginny, Philâ€™s girlfriend had left us notes joking about Goldilocks and the Three Bears. More on this later.
August 13th, 1977 â€“-
Well, tonight we played better than last night but the response was not as good. I should not even say that because the response was actually better on the 2nd and 3rd sets than it was last night, but whereas last night the 4th set was the highlight tonight it was the worst, in my estimation, for we couldnâ€™t take requests and 2 guys made a few comments and I almost got upset. There were about Â½ as many people tonight also, which made it a little harder. But when they whipped out our pay $80 each I couldnâ€™t be happier and I still canâ€™t get over the fact â€“ it was by far that easiest money I ever made. Now I understand why people become performers â€“ itâ€™s so easy! One of he girls that works there smiled at me and we got to talking and she gave me her phone number â€“ Sharon 5777-3123 â€“ and it didnâ€™t really hit me but I guess she likes me. Every time (â€˜cept 3) I have met a girl when I wear a certain pair of pants. Tom and Fred are wondering if Paddy will actually become a band member â€“and I am so tired of arguing diary. I want to get along great with those guys but it always ends in argumentation.
August 14th, 1977 â€“-
I woke up after a restful sleep and read a pamphlet on the Neuschwanstein Castle, which Paddy lent me and I took a bath as I read it. It is quite a fantastic place! It also hit me that I had told Giovanna and Carla that I would contact them on May 1978 with good news and it seems almost likely that will happen. Iâ€™ve got to write a letter to Joyce. Itâ€™s funny, diary, since Iâ€™ve been gone I havenâ€™t made love or had a wet dream or even jacked off and it feels quite natural. Iâ€™m not going through the throws of agony.
Diary, itâ€™s got to work out with Paddy. It just has to, thatâ€™s all. Tom, Fred (who was fortunate enough to be the first one to get laid â€“ it happened last night â€“ gee, I feel like Iâ€™m talking like a starving dog sex wise) and I went to Hoito for dinner and then we spent the night drinking beer by a fire on a sandy beach on Lake Superior at a girlâ€™s cabin weâ€™ve met previously. I had a great talk with Paddy and it is great to watch him grow closer to us and our ideas. Paddy as of today is definitely in the Hopeless Romantics. Thereâ€™s not stopping us, once again. (The H.R.â€™s have practiced 30 out of the last 36 days.)
August 15th, 1977 â€“-
The time has come again to talk about Ginny. Today Phil and Ginny supposedly broke up. Now diary, I want it to be understood that I feel like a puppet and some greater force is pushing me on and letting me know what to do. I got an idea before I slept and I am going to carry it out tomorrow. Instead of calling her I am just going to write her a note and let her know Iâ€™d like to see her. One way or the other Iâ€™m going to contact her. I fell so sure that it all will turn out in my favor and that Ginny and I will make love. Itâ€™s uncanny so Iâ€™m going through with it. I feel impelled. Tom, Fred and I and Paddy had another argument tonight. I donâ€™t know if Hock meant it that way but he claimed after Paddy left that he had argued in such a way and in order to make Paddy feel like part of the group. Iâ€™ve got to admit that it worked to a certain extent and that more and more Paddy talks as if he is part of the group. We are breaking down and going to do songs by a couple of other artists this weekend. Lots of work to do.
August 16th, 1977 â€“-
We had a meeting with Paddy tonight, of sorts, and I mentioned us wanting to leave. We officially toasted him into the group. He said heâ€™d like to be a member and we all agreed so heâ€™s now a member of the Hopeless Romantics and I can start addressing things as â€œweâ€ when I talk to him about the group. He said that as soon as he paid off his property that heâ€™d be free to go if that was what was most advantageous to the group, or more precisely I put that question to him and he agreed. And he said his plan was to develop a following around here and then start playing our own stuff. At last, at least, heâ€™s said the necessary things and I toasted, â€œto the Hopeless Romantics and their newly acquired, fourth and may I say, last, member of the group.â€ The plan now, is for Tom, Fred and I to decide when we want to get out of here and then to tell Paddy, give him time to work things out and then heâ€™ll tell us when he can do it. Iâ€™m glad to see that itâ€™s finally coming together!
August 17th, 1977 â€“-
I tried to contact Ginny and I have been trying to do that but I canâ€™t reach her by phone. You know I wonder if I should go through with it. I mean I wonder if it is right and on the other hand I know itâ€™s right. If I only had enough guts to call her and see what I know is right, I know Iâ€™d make love to her, but I waver. Itâ€™s so funny, cause I know Iâ€™ve got it in my but my talents have yet to show through. All talk about â€œloversâ€ leave me cold. All talk about great men leaves me coldâ€”-
August 18th, 1977 â€“-
–the kind of things that warm my spirit are things which show man stripped and bare, speaking truth, things which give me strength â€“ things which I can admire give me strength and things that I feel obligated to admire hurt me. It is late Thursday night. Maybe 3am. I am going to do the crazy thing and walk outside and find a phone booth and reach Ginny. I shall be â€œmadâ€ but I shall succeed â€“ by every fiber in me!!
Right now I am sitting upstairs and there is music blaring downstairs and it is late and Fred is with a girl down there and again I am confronted with the problem of figuring out how to become the greatest lover in the world. There is something slightly wrong with all the studs I have ever met in my life, and God knows there are a lot of them and I think it is this â€“ that while in their pursuits they seem to take rather than give to the general pool of mankind. They always talk about their pursuits and build up their egos but everyone around them is afflicted with wonder, jealousy, envy and the desire to be like them. I say all the world loves a lover, but I think it would be tops if a person could not only love but give people something. Do you understand that I mean? If I was to make love to a girl and make my friends jealous it wouldnâ€™t be as great as if I could make love to a girl and at the same time get all my friends laid. Love is more a situation of putting others in a great frame of mind than making them suffer because of your greatness. I will be the greatest, I am. Only a matter of time.
August 19th, 1977 â€“-
Dear Reader, please disregard the banter of the last two pages, not totally, but the sections having to with Ginny. It has been an interesting dream but every time I have tried to call her no one is at home and it seems fate has meant that nothing should happen with her, as it has now become too long of an interim since our first encounter and now â€“ so, the H.R.â€™s played their third night at the Murillo. We were great once again. There were a few people really watching us intently and one guy in particular who, it was evident, thought we were great and more than one person told me how good we were, I was told I had a great voice, etcâ€¦ Tomorrow night will be the clincher, for I feel we must come off very well, cause I want to come back again and make more money.
August 20th, 1977 â€“-
I didnâ€™t get to bed until about 5:30am and we had not eaten breakfast til 4 p.m. â€“ even then I had not eaten but I had coffee with Tom and Fred â€“ what a leisurely life! Tonight the Murillo was more crowded than they had ever been in the last times we played there. The audience wasnâ€™t that responsive, except for the dancers, who packed the floor. Personally, from the stages point of view, I thought we were great. My voice really takes off in a couple of numbers and Tom told me I sounded just like John Lennon. I scream and shout and I never knew until I tried it just how much fun it was. We are improvising our stage presence very rapidly. I didnâ€™t get to bed until about 8am Sunday morning. I love this lifestyle.
August 21st, 1977 â€“-
Itâ€™s only about 10:30 p.m. but I am going to write now instead of tomorrow. It has probably been the nicest day for me of the whole trip. It was one of those days when your body just glows with well-being. Tom and I got some pie, ice cream and coffee and took a walk â€“ we were laughing about how easy it is to make money playing music, we just got another $80 last night, and in general talking about how happy we are and how great our life will be as performers.
Diary, you wouldnâ€™t believe how relaxed I felt all day â€“ every muscle in my body feels supple and at ease â€“ what a fantastic feeling. I even got the inspiration to call Ginny and invite her to have a drink with me this week, but her kid said she was asleep. At last and least I got an answer.
August 22nd, 1977 â€“-
Boy did I get drunk tonight! It has simply got to stop, period! We went to a party where I got a free steak and a lot of free beers. The drive back I was going 85 mph. It was the first time since I got arrested a year and 2/3 ago wince Iâ€™ve done something for which I couldâ€™ve got arrested. Dumb me! I couldâ€™ve gotten picked up for drunken driving, and maybe driving without a license. The ride was an awful lot of fun though, that I have to admit. Weâ€™ve got one more week here at Philâ€™s and I sure have a certain feeling that itâ€™s going to be a turn for the better! And my intuitions usually arenâ€™t wrong. We spent the day in our usual carefree style â€“ doing nothing but relaxing!!
August 23rd, 1977 â€“-
The day started off with a great deal of good news. Paddy burst in and asked us if we would like to play Friday and Saturday â€“ at the Murillo again and next week after that too! Bravo! Plus, a piece of round about good news â€“ that is, Paddy lost his job and weâ€™ll be able to have more time â€“ and heâ€™ll get $120 a week from the government for doing nothing. Near the end of the night Paddy made it clear that he intends to move out to whatever place we do and share expenses. So I would say Paddy has been responding about as we had hoped, in that, I think it can be said as a certainty, he plans to go with us when we leave, most likely to Florida.
August 24th, 1977 â€“-
I spent most of the day in a melancholy mood â€“ not saying much. I think itâ€™s because I havenâ€™t made out with any girls since we got to Canada â€“ How coincidental then that I made out passionately with a 16 year old Â½ French, Â½ Italian named Francine Gagliadi, at a party we were invited to. Fred prompted me by telling me she was hot to trot, so I asked her for a walk and we got no more than 25 yards from the door where we stopped and kissed for 20 minutes. We went back inside to the den and made out more heavily on a chair, but although it was very passionate, we didnâ€™t perform any sexual acts. It was magnificent fun. Shall I say something philosophical about this â€“ no, let me leave it at that.
August 25th, 1977 â€“-
Things are shaping up, well, better than expected, well here I am speaking for Tom and Fred, for I knew that was going to happen. Paddy came popping up the stairs at about noon to announce that he had taken a personal loan out for the amount outstanding on his property and paid off his property, so now, even if he defaulted on a payment, no one can touch him â€“ his property that is.
Diary, we will both here admit that Paddy plans to join the group and relinquish his standing in Thunder Bay society; I believe this implies that he has got faith in us and has started to believe what a few weeks ago he adamantly denied â€“ the utter greatness and destiny of the group. Activities of today: Sent brother Marc a wedding card, â€œspecial delivery,â€ had the most fantastic steak dinner in a year, Sirloin at $1.19 a pound, took a bath and read Sherlock homes afterwards and retired relaxed.
August 26th, 1977 â€“-
Again tonight I kissed Fran goodnight for a short while. After pursuing Linda, a barmaid at the Murillo, and Franâ€™s friend, Rosanne I determined to go for a sure thing and grabbed Fran walked her to her car, and kissed her. â€œYou are a magnificent kisser,â€ said I. She smiled and we kissed again. â€œI have been thinking about your kisses ever since the last time I kissed you!â€ She smiled and we kissed again. â€œYou are young?â€ She answered â€˜Yes.â€™ â€œYou are young yet nonetheless you are magnificent.â€ I got her phone number and kissed her one last time just before her car was ready to leave and made plans to see her and her friends tomorrow. I was a master of the girls tonight, telling them to leave or come as I wished. Daring, yet friendly. In regards to our performance, we were great once again, though the owner thought we were too loud. I thoroughly love stage work and we are unstoppable.
August 27th, 1977 â€“-
After a steak dinner, arrived at Murillo. During the break between our second and third sets Rosanne called the hotel and I told her to be there at midnight. Between the 3rd and 4th sets some girls, one real cute, came out to the van to have a beer; when we came back in Fran, Cathy and Rosanne were there. The fourth set, inspired by all these girls, was the best yet. We were be-bopping all around, laughing, smiling, creating new sounds and flirting with the girls. Fran and I went to a party in the back of our van, making out heavily the whole time. At the party, as last night I was flirting with all the girls, at which I am developing quite a knack, and periodically making out with Fran. I partied with Fran til about 9 in the morning and didnâ€™t get home til about 10am Sunday. Fran is one fantastic kisser. From many small bits of information itâ€™s reasonable to say that weâ€™re developing a following at the Murillo Hotel.
August 28th, 1977 â€“-
Today was kind of one of those lost days â€“ I woke up at about 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon and tried to adjust myself to sobriety after the big splurge last night. I picked up another $80 last night and again next week I should make another $80. Here we are weâ€™re supposed to be moving out of Philâ€™s place soon and we have no place arranged to stay at yet. I plan to mail $177.75 to Florida tomorrow, which will bring my balance to $1221.65. I donâ€™t know if I mentioned it but about 1-Â½ years ago I had about $430 in Florida and I figured out interest on it for 120 years and it turned out to be an astronomical amount. So every deposit I make is in the amount of 1 yearâ€™s interest or some multiple of that and now I have achieved 21 yearâ€™s interest on my chart. I canâ€™t wait until I have enough in the bank to live on the interest.
August 29th, 1977 â€“-
Today was, for the most part, an outstanding, personally at least, although Paddy goofed up enormously. I called Fran but she couldnâ€™t go out so I called Rosanne and she said sheâ€™d love to go out and get a beer. I drove to there at 8pm and had a few beers with Rosanne and Cathie. They were coming into town so Cathie said sheâ€™d ride with me. I pulled over about 300 yards down the road and kissed her â€“ it was pretty nice too, not a peck by any means â€“ and we kissed a couple of times on the way into town. It blew my mind â€˜cause that is the girl that was supposed to be stuck on Nelson. Bravo for me. Paddy has pulled a major boner. He left with the van all day and he was found with it â€“ drinking down at a bar. Boy were we pissed. The girls said tonight (for I partied with them the whole night) that the only reason girls arenâ€™t as ready to fuck is because they have to consider they might get pregnant!
August 30th, 1977 â€“-
Definitely the worst day since we left and probably the whole year! On many counts I wish today never wouldâ€™ve happened. It started out that Tom, Fred and I had a triple date. I took Fran and she was cold to me, wouldnâ€™t even kiss me and told me she was thinking about a 21 year old divorcee guy. Blah! Blah! I dropped her off and showed I was pissed. Sati, the girl Fred was with, had a friend and when I drove her home, she turned me down for a date. And Nelson, meanwhile is falling in love with Sati and she with him! Then I got pulled over by a cop who wrote me out a $38 ticket for having booze in the car. Then we ran out of gas and I walked home thinking Tom, Fred and Sati were behind me. I was in a real weird mood by then and while I was sleeping Tom came bursting in and Tom and Fred started yelling at me and there was a scuffle, which ensued. They claimed they were mad because I hadnâ€™t waited for them. It was awful.
August 31st, 1977 â€“-
Today, the problems continue. I go over to Paddyâ€™s at 1:15pm and he tells me that he canâ€™t join the group and canâ€™t go to Florida. This was the last blow. Then he said he was going to join a different group. A little later on he started changing his mind and now things are up in the air. Itâ€™s about 6pm. We all had a talk with Paddy in the evening and we all decided that Paddy would leave with us for four months, beginning in January, the 2nd, to be precise. The whole of the later evening was spent with me writing songs and such and alternating between that and the party that carried on downstairs. Cathie and Rosanne came by to return my Sherlock Holmes book and told me that they would visit the Murillo Friday night and Fran was going to come along and lecture me or something because Fran was mad at the way I treated her. I didnâ€™t drink at all today and by the time I went to bed I had partly recovered from my ordeal of last night!
September 1st, 1977 â€“-
â€œA strange turn of events.â€
Thursday brought a very unexpected turn of events. The 4 H.R.â€™s went to the Murillo to set-up and to practice where 2 immigration officers walked in and asked us for our working visas. They took down information about us and we told them that although we had worked there, that we had left all the money to Paddy so he could afford to come to the states. They prohibited us from working any further. When we got home we considered (I as the leader of the conversation) all of our alternatives â€“
1) Go home â€“ no way!
2) We can not stay in Canada since weâ€™ll have no way of making money â€“ we finally decided that we would go to Florida on Saturday and that we would call for Paddy if something came up or in December if nothing had come up by then.
Later, I was taking a bath when 2 Royal Canadian Mounted Police came by the house, questioned us and made us each give them $75 in lieu of taking us into custody until tomorrow when we will go to court concerning us working in Canada.
September 2nd, 1977 â€“-
â€œA strange turn of events.â€
1st thing the officers, whom we had an appointment with at 9:30am, although we showed up early, told us that the immigration department had dropped all charges. We went to court where I told the judge our story, Tom and Fred said a few words and by a magical stroke of luck he ordered that we receive our bail money back and that the matter be closed. Tom and Fred helped my pay the $38 ticket from a few nights ago and now we are in the clear with the law and are leaving for Florida shortly. Diary, this chain of events is a miracle for, I donâ€™t know if I ever mentioned it before but according to original plans and also what we wanted when we first arrived was to leave as soon as possible and to have achieved â€“
1) Getting Paddy in the group â€“ done
2) Play someplace to get experience â€“ done
3) Make some money â€“ done.
I checked a thing I had written in 1975 near the close of the year and it reads, â€œwe tour across Canada until August 31stâ€¦â€ See how accurate are my predictions at times? â€“ Not really predictions so much as my power to make things happen according to plan.
September 3rd, 1977 â€“-
Today we set-up our equipment in Philâ€™s living room and recorded; When I Get Restless, Anyone Can See, Itâ€™s A Cruel World, Give You A Try, Boys, Long Tall Sally Ticket to Ride You Canâ€™t Do That, Ill Cry Instead and I Became Aware Today. After that we all got dressed up and Cathie Saxburg took 8 photos of us in the park overlooking Thunder Bay, in which we each directed two poses. Fred had me on his shoulders, I had us jumping into the air. It was a lot of fun. We went out for some refreshment and came back and packed up the van, paid $15 each to Phil for expenses we had incurred, said goodbye and set out for the U.S.A. at about 3 am Sunday morning. Paddy talked all day about how when we saw him next we wouldnâ€™t recognize him because he will have lost weight, etc. And the tentative plan was that we will meet him in Florida within a few months. We all made him feel that he was wanted by us.
September 4th, 1977 â€“-
Starting at 3:30am. We went through the border without any complications and had breakfast at a cafÃ© right down the road. We drove through to within 30 miles of Madison, Wisconsin, going by Daluth, Minnesota and Minneapolis â€“ St. Paul. We had chili for lunch and when we camped off the road we had a spaghetti dinner before retiring. Nothing of excitement. Went across the Hudson River. Well, our stay in Canada is over. It is rather surprising diary how we are again on schedule to Florida. I think the general feeling would be one of optimism except that Fred and to a certain extent Tom is swiftly running out of money. On one hand I am overjoyed and confident that we will surely be a big success the second we hit Florida and on the other hand I think Iâ€™m crazy and I have to admit diary, that I never did fuck Ginny so my prediction did not come true.
September 5th, 1977 â€“-
We drove today from outside Madison through to the outskirts of Chicago on Highway 12 â€“ it was a beautiful ride. We all had a good nightâ€™s sleep and felt better than yesterday. We saw a lot of down home Middle America places and people. The people were extremely friendly. We drove Highway 95 out of Chicago to highway 30 to highway 65 in Indiana and pulled over about 30 miles from Indianapolis and slept near a bunch of cornfields. Fred and I spent the better part of the evening laughing, singing and having a generally good time acting weird. In the morning today I completed the letter to my father and I plan to send that along with the tape and film. Iâ€™ll do it tomorrow in Indianapolis along with washing our clothes, echoing our money, cleaning up and anything else we might think of. And I think itâ€™s a good idea if we send Paddy a line every couple of days or at least once a week.
September 6th, 1977 -/
Indianapolis, Indiana. We arrived into Indianapolis at about 11am. We immediately exchanged our Canadian money and then I mailed a package to my Dad containing the letter, tape and undeveloped film concerning the H.R.â€™s. (I made a copy of the letter before I sent it.) We went to the Indy 500 speedway to look around and then went to Louisville (Kentucky) Lexington, Knoxville (Tennessee), and Ashville (North Carolina). When I woke up in the morning we had arrived at Colombia, South Carolina! It was an immense load off of my mind to get that package off to my father. We all chipped in for special delivery â€“ I hope it arrivesâ€¦ and soon. In case I havenâ€™t mentioned it the letter to my father:
1) Advised him as to my plans not to return to school or home, but instead to go to Florida
2) Divulged the H.R. plans to an extent
3) Requested that he ask Ted to listen to the tape, him to look at the pictures â€“ and to send me their opinions.
September 7th, 1977 â€“-
Colombia, South Carolina. Fred and I drove through the rest of South Carolina to Georgia (while Tom slept in the back) and we arrived in Florida at about 4:15pm. We drove out to a beach above Jacksonville named, I believe, Fernandando, or something of that sort, and we took a swim in the Atlantic. The van got stuck in the white sand, but some real nice man towed us out with a rope and his truck. Weâ€™ve decided to spend about 1-Â½ weeks just lying on the beach taking it easy. Fernandina Beach â€“ thatâ€™s the name of it and that is where we spent the night after I consumed 4 hot dogs, potato chips and four beers. Those were the first beers I had since August 30th. It was an absolutely beautiful night. It must have been 80 degrees with a light breeze. Itâ€™s unbelievably hot at night â€“ all you need to wear is your swimsuit. We all talked about how happy we were to be here. I, for one, was telling the truth!
September 8th, 1977 â€“-
Today was one of the best days of my life- I first awoke at about 4:30am to a sight I could scarcely believe â€“ though the sky was clear overhead, off over the water it looked like atomic bombs were going off- lightning and clouds in the distance. No thunder though. At about (9:45 Fred and I went into Jacksonville. I gave him the slip at about noon and went over to the Florida 1st National Bank of Jacksonville where I talked with Dean J. Madsen, the man to whom I had been addressing my deposits. He said my balance was $1,221.65, but that I can only withdraw from the Jacksonville office. So I must decide before we go south if I want to make a withdrawal. I donâ€™t want to but I only have $55 left of the money I brought along.
Fred and I went girl watching â€“ there were so many pretty girls, I could to believe it. We did the laundry for all 3 of us, bought some beer, drank a beer with a baguette on the beach outside of Jacksonville. On the way back we complimented each other and talked about our inevitable success with such flair that we both felt godly.
When we got back we drank some beer, got a hamburger, helped some girl open her car, another girl told us about a dance tomorrow night about 1 Â½ miles from where we are camping on the beach. We went back to the beach and a pretty Southern belle named Melanie asked us if weâ€™d care to smoke a joint, so she came over to our campsite an we talked for about an hour. After she left we saw the most incredible natural sight I have ever seen. A meteorite flew and disintegrated in a flash of orange and blue about 300 yards above us. The whole day and night it is about 80-90 degrees.
September 9th, 1977 â€“-
Friday was not bad either. One of the most exciting events of the day was that we saw a shark right off the beach. A dorsal fin about 3 Â½ feet high popped up out of the water â€“ we headed for he beach in a hurry! Later on I almost stepped on a baby manta ray. We had an informative conversation with a vacationing coast guard officer who said that the Florida Keys are absolutely beautiful. I talked with a policeman at night who said that the Manta rays grow to have a wing spread of 15 feet and that they come flying right out of the water. He said that he saw that meteorite last night too and agreed it was astounding. He theorized that what we thought was a shark might actually have been a Tarpon, but when I told him the gigantic size of the fin he said it was likely it couldâ€™ve been a shark, but reassured me that they donâ€™t have any problems with them.
September 10th, 1977 â€“-
â€œItâ€™s funny how well everything has turned out so far.â€
Saturday â€“ Just another day at Fernandina Beach. Itâ€™s always hot down here. You donâ€™t know and canâ€™t imagine how much I love to be in hot weather and warm water. I thrive on it. Each day I get more tan. I spent most of the day in the lifeguardâ€™s chair reading Playboy. In the middle of the day I got in an argument with Tom and Fred which I pushed to the max, but it was funny because ever since that weâ€™ve been getting along even better than ever. I feel more dynamic every day. Iâ€™m starting to believe again in things like courage, nobleness, virtue; and because of it I feel more powerful. I am considering going the 200 miles to St. Pete without withdrawing money and seeing if perhaps something comes in the mail that will make it unnecessary to withdraw. If I still need the money I can always come back up to Jacksonville and withdraw at that time, since it is only 200 or so miles. If and when I do make it famous Iâ€™m going to contact Ginny and see what I can do for her. I wish Iâ€™d gotten her last name because Iâ€™d write to her now. I read about Barbra Streisand in Playboy and it made me think of her.
September 11th, 1977 -/
â€œThe Plantation is a resort 10 miles south of Fernandinaâ€
Sunday â€“ Today was the agony and the ecstasy. We sat around getting burnt up by the sun. It was great! We all ended up at a bar in the evening and we got to talking about the group and we were off a mutual admiration talk â€“ Tom bought each of us a beer â€“ Fred bought each of us a Heineken â€“ we talked about Paddy and Ted and Dad and Al and success and ourselves. It was wonderful. I was so high I even bought those guys deluxe hamburgers. Fred and I both tried to pick up on the same girl and she wanted him and made it quite evident, but I refused to leave, so it resulted: she left with her grandfather and Fred and I ended up in a scuffle and we woke up the neighbor who phoned the cops, but luckily it was the policeman who I had met the other night so he didnâ€™t get angry. We left and a guard let us sleep at the â€œPlantation.â€
September 12th, 1977 â€“-
Monday â€“ We spent the day on the beach just outside Amelia City, which is about 14.5 miles south of Fernandina Beach. The weather was overcast and though it was cooler it was still warm. I wrote a song called â€œIâ€™ll Make You Cryâ€ â€“ Tomâ€™s lyrics, my music and just before I went to sleep I wrote another one called â€˜Iâ€™ll Do It For You,â€™ where I wrote both the lyrics and the music. We ate dinner very inexpensively since we realize weâ€™re getting low on cash. I will probably not make any withdrawals from the bank in Jacksonville. I want it to be part of the record that I feel it is a major accomplishment to be as far along on this trip as we are. And I am also very happy where I am. I love being a beachcomber and every day we get more and more tan. I love it!!! The next few months should be fun!!
September 13th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ The second I awoke today I started walking down southward on the beach. I found a giant tortoise dead and washed up on the beach. It was about 1 yard long and 2 feet wide. I mustâ€™ve walked 3 Â½ miles and at the other end of the beach it was all tropical with palm trees, etc. I ran about 2 Â½ of the miles on the way back. It exhausted me. So it mustâ€™ve been a 7-mile hike or so. We went to town and cleaned up, went to the store and post office. I discovered that itâ€™s possible to have our mail sent to general delivery to any city and I am disappointed I didnâ€™t know that so I couldâ€™ve had Dad send my stuff there. Miami. I couldnâ€™t get to sleep tonight and after tossing and turning in a damp sand sleeping bag with sand fleas biting me, I finally built a fire and fell asleep as the sky was getting light. The more I think of it the more it seems to me my Dad is going to be awfully pissed!!!
September 14th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ Today was great! We went into town after body surfing for a while; I caught a couple of good waves. Hock and I split a package of burger and had a great lunch. He bought us a six-pack of beer for the road and at about 5 oâ€™clock in the afternoon we started driving south. We saw some beautiful country as we traveled across bridges and saw the palm trees and white beaches. I drove and I took a small back highway. We took a ferry across to Atlantic Beach, bought another six-pack of beer and continued on until we got to St. Augustine, the oldest city in the United Sates and the place where Ponce De Leon landed! We met a few girls and one of them was a real fox and she had a great voice and she sang a few songs to us on her own. She was of French heritage too! After her (Stacey Moran) and her friends left we met a guy (Chris) and a cop said we werenâ€™t supposed to sleep there but he would let us. Thunder showers.
September 15th, 1977 -/
â€œSheâ€™d look up at me at the end of one of my statements and with a tone of almost awe sheâ€™d say, â€œIâ€™m so fascinated by everything you say.â€
Thursday â€“ Stacie came back this evening. I am in love! We partied all evening and she missed her ride home so I gave her a ride and on the way back she started saying how much she loved us guys and I reciprocated. I said Iâ€™d like to speak to her and she suggested we go to the old fort â€“ we were walking out to a point and she said, â€œCan ah hold you!?â€ We embraced and when we were seated I said, â€œCan I kiss you?â€ She nodded and ensued remarkable kiss for its intensity, delicacy and feeling. We talked and time to time held each other or kissed. It was incredible. It was about 3:30am just before we left and we kissed for an extended period of about 5 minutes. Sheâ€™s so sensual. I brought her home and before she went in we kissed and held each other tight â€“ it was wonderful. Sheâ€™s soft and sexy. She gave me her number and Iâ€™m supposed to call her tomorrow at noon.
The most fantastic part is what we were saying and doing. I told her all about our success and my plans, my ideas for Augustine for 2 years and she feels sheâ€™s been waiting for us all along. She says she feels sheâ€™s supposed to be with us. I told her that I wanted her to be there right after we sign our contract! She, could she be the girl that will fulfill another part of my dream â€“ because I always pictured all 4 of the H.R.â€™s running up to their rooms in the hotel after we make it with girls â€“ and I just recently thought that I should find a girl. I told her I wanted her to come meet us. I love her!!!! I canâ€™t believe it happened because it was strange. I had thought Fred was going to pick her up and it didnâ€™t bother me. Since the time I met her all I felt was good things and I felt so comfortable with her. She thinks we are great. I admire her so much also. And lord, you wouldnâ€™t believe the feeling that is there when we were hugging and kissing. I feel so attached to her â€“ something in her draws her to me. Itâ€™s uncanny that the feeling should then be reciprocated. She said, â€œIâ€™m so fascinated by everything you say.â€
September 16th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Today the entire day, I must admit was spent in the contemplation of Stacie. Whether, as Dickens said, I shall be the hero of my own life these pages will show. If the countless times I have fallen in love will teach me the great truths about the subject these pages will also show. There are different ways of looking at it, the most concise I have been exposed to is Jack Harpsterâ€™s rules:
1) You can do anything to a girl except two things:
a) M____ a f____ of h_____.
b) B____ h____.
2) You can always count on two things and only these in all women:
b) T____ m______ i_______.
Of course the philosophy is broader than that. The high point of the day with Stacie is the one passionate kiss and one real embrace outside her home at 6:30pm. It came after we talked for maybe an hour, during which time we made a bond that â€“
a) We want to know each other for the rest of our lives
b) There shall be no ties between us
c) We want to be able to contact one another at any time and share experiences with each other
d) We want to have me show her California and her show me Georgia. We told how we felt we were falling love with each other but in the evening she came by with her friends and when she left without showing affection it almost made me lose faith in all of the above.
September 17th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ We decided that we are going to stay here in St. Augustine until next Wednesday. We mainly lay around on the beach went swimming and I played the guitar quite a bit. The only song, it seems, that Iâ€™ve been playing lately is the one I just wrote â€œIâ€™ll Do It For You.â€ It is very hot here. The water is very clean and the waves are not bad for body surfing. I have to admit that Stacie was on my mind quite a bit today â€“ itâ€™s because the experience I had with her was so sweet that naturally I devise it to occur again. But I didnâ€™t attempt to contact her. I want to let things settle down a little and try again in a few days, maybe. I donâ€™t want to sound arrogant but Iâ€™ve been reading my last 2 diaries and it seems Iâ€™ve matured over the last 2 years. All in all I am happy to be in St. Augustine. Itâ€™s a very nice place.
September 18th, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ Today was alright. We all got in the van and listened to the tape of us guys itâ€™s the only one we have left and itâ€™s a 3rd reproduction and was played out of a cheap recorder and into one cheap speaker â€“ we thought it sounded great. I called Stacie in the afternoon and talked to her for a while, saying I phoned just to say â€œhi,â€ and to let her know we were staying until Wednesday. Later on Matt and Roger (Stacieâ€™s pursuer) came by and we were talking to them. Stacie and her 2 friends drove up but they yelled â€œGet out of hereâ€ to Roger and Matt and so Stacie told me Monday they left because the didnâ€™t want to see Roger and Matt. All 5 of us, including Chris and Lisa went to a party. I chugged a liter of beer to win Mattâ€™s knife back for him and got so drunk that the police found me passed out in the middle of a dirt road and were very nice and brought me back to Chris and Lisaâ€™s.
September 19th, 1977 â€“-
Monday I called Stacie at about 9:10am and we had a very fun time talking and upon my request she said that I could come see her at 11am. I was ecstatic. I got cleaned up and I drove over there. I walked in and her boyfriend Roger was sitting there on the couch. I just acted real friendly and when she came out from the back room I called her out to the van on a pretense. She said he had skipped work cause he wanted to talk to her. She looked beautiful. I was awfully disappointed and paced like a lion all day. Roger stayed with her all day, as I saw when I drove by later, and Matt said it was partially because he didnâ€™t trust her. It wouldâ€™ve been so nice had he not showed up. I had some eye round roast for dinner and put some touches on â€œIâ€™ll Do It For Youâ€ and â€œDonâ€™t Like Being Usedâ€ â€“ which I listed as â€œIâ€™ll Make You Cryâ€ a week ago.
September 20th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday — Triumph! When I couldnâ€™t see Stacie yesterday I resolved to make sure I spent some time with her today. Like clockwork I awoke at 7am, cleaned up, woke Tom up, got the keys and permission to use the van and took off shortly after 8:30am. Shortly, I parked my van a block from her mobile home and knocked; she answered on the second knock and made me wait til she got clothes on. She came out and we sat down in the living room and she told me how Roger asked her not to see me and we recited our admiration for each other as we did on that fateful night. I embraced her and she shied away from a kiss. The phone rang and it was Matt and as they spoke we held hands and I put my hands around her waist and softly and slowly got close.
Then Valinda and 2 guys drove up shortly afterwards I asked her to walk me out to my van and when she did we kissed again and again. We embraced and she softly, sweetly kissed my neck, some of those kisses were magnificent. When we embraced she would clutch on to me â€“ to let me know how she felt. It was all so romantic! She spotted â€œAnticipation, the 2nd volume of our works and read almost every page with care and with such minute interest I thought she was in awe. And then we more or less fell into each otherâ€™s arms in passion, although I started it, and we held each other and then kissed. She said we have our bond â€“ remember? And we made plans how we would see each other and she gave me her address and phone number.
Before she went I mustâ€™ve walked to her and embraced and we kissed maybe 2 times more. It was so romantic! The whole time she made me feel she really liked me. We mustâ€™ve kissed 30 times in about 8 different intervals. I got in essence, exactly what I really wanted to get by going over!!!! I left at noon- she left with a look of love in her eyes and I went to meet Fred at a pre-destined place and I was almost exactly on time but he wasnâ€™t there. When I left Stacieâ€™s I was so happy that I was â€œye-ha-ingâ€ and singing â€œAnyone Can See.â€ Jesus, I was very, very happy. Success!!
Stacie said there was a 95% chance that sheâ€™d come by tonight to say goodbye. Matt came by and said that he was over at Brianâ€™s and all the girls wanted to come to see us but that Stacie slipped and said she wanted to say goodbye to some friends so the other guys went to play pool and Roger asked if he could come along (he doesnâ€™t trust me with her) â€“ so about 15 minutes later they all drove up and Roger was with Stacie. I didnâ€™t really mind though because everything I had wanted to arrange was taken care of earlier today. They stayed for a while and Stacie hugged Tom and I goodbye. They left and I am happy about the whole thing. We drove to St. Petersburg through the night.
September 21st, 1977 -/
Wednesday â€“ Although I keep recording  hours practiced by the group I might mention that I have been playing my acoustic guitar everyday and have written 4 songs since we left Canada and completed a fifth. I feel so much has happened since my last entry. We arrived in St. Petersburg in the morning and drove to Grandma Sheaâ€™s, Aunt Ethel was there and Grandma Shea said that she had received no mail for me, but that my father had called and told her I was coming. Her recollection of the conversation seemed very weak. She is 81 years old.
She fed us roast beef, milk, bread, butter, coffee crumb cake, peaches and gravy. It was a well needed meal. We went to St. Petersburg Beach and slept all day â€“ we were tired and made ourselves a huge spaghetti dinner for exactly $2. By this time we were wondering why Dad had not sent a reply to my letter and of course I was concerned. Since my original plan said to have a contract by October 24th. I told them that I felt weâ€™d have a contract in a month or a month and 3 days. I said somehow â€“ weâ€™d make it happen, but that we would do it and that the time had come. We watched a magnificent lightning storm from the van and I shut my eyes. Iâ€™ve been groggy all day â€“ and rested in preparation to call my Dad.
Accounting for the 3-hour time difference my call shortly before 11:30pm reached Dad at about 8:30pm. I thought beforehand of all the things I had wanted to talk about. It was a relief when my Dad accepted the charge and spoke pleasantly to me. He asked right off if I had received his letter and I said, â€œno.â€ He said he sent me a 6 page long-winded letter in which the 1st part chastised me â€“ the bad part. Then he got onto the middle of the road news and finished with the â€œgood news.â€ He told me to wait in St. Petersburg until I received the letter and said to call him after I read it. He said he sent me $20-$25 to help me along. I was overjoyed with the call and before saying goodnight I said with all my heart and sounding about as enthusiastic as I can get that I loved him and he was the best, the very best father in the world. I related the news to Tom and Fred and while I was saying my goals tonight before sleeping I got the strangest feeling that itâ€™s all going to happen so soon.
September 22nd, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ We awoke, phoned and discovered that a letter arrived at Grandma Sheaâ€™s. We got it, along with that she sent us off with some food, went to a coffee shop and had some eggs, bacon, biscuits and hash browns and coffee each and read a disappointing letter full of advice and nothing of what we wanted to hear. We drove to Miami had car trouble, van trouble that is, in Fort Myerâ€™s. Hock and I got in a fistfight at 11pm. Maybe thatâ€™ll teach him not to threaten, â€œTo punch me.â€ We drove into Miami and I phoned from a hotel to Dad (on Miami Beach.) I cried more than I have in a long time. As I talked with him I got all choked up. He said to call him tomorrow night. I went out to the van and wrote a letter, which must be my last attempt. I told him all about us and the Beatles.
Diary, I canâ€™t believe Iâ€™m doing all this, But I told those guys we were going to â€œmake itâ€ in a month and Iâ€™ve got to figure out a way to do it though Iâ€™ll probably have a nervous breakdown doing it!!
September 23rd, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Woke in Miami. I had those guys read the letter and they liked it and they each wrote a page of their own to my Dad. We tried to cash my check and discovered that there is no branch banking in Florida, which meant I couldnâ€™t cash my checks. We drove to Ft. Lauderdale. The van is giving us trouble. Well, there we were â€“ in Florida and we had about $1.63 between us. We went to the General Delivery post office and discovered that Fred received $200 in a postal money order, which he could and did cash right there, so our money problem was solved just as it began. We drove to a bar called Trader Jacks and drank and danced all night. I met a few girls and I believe Fred was fortunate enough to spend the night with a girl. I slept on the beach. I called my Dad and we chatted. I told him that Iâ€™d sent him a letter, but he doesnâ€™t seem to want to understand how urgent we feel everything is. My letter was so straightforward that I felt confident it would cause a change but now Iâ€™m not sure.
September 24th, 1977 -/
Saturday â€“ Diary, another uncanny turn of events. It has been exactly 3 weeks since we left Paddy, almost to the hour. At about 9 oâ€™clock tonight something happened, and what is uncanny is that I knew this was going to happen over a year ago. When I pictured this trip I felt that when we left Thunder Bay that for about the three weeks before we arrived at the destination in Florida, the H.R.â€™s would be a little scared and doubting why they ever left home. Well, then I saw (so many months ago) that after about 3 weeks the clouds would break and soon after success! Itâ€™s uncanny, because tonight was exactly 3 weeks and everything has been awful as far as the morale of the group. I started talking to those guys and told them, upon which they agreed:
1) Starting Monday morning for the next four weeks we will spend Monday â€“ Friday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. in contacting record companies, agents, finding a place to stay, etc, etc and generally making a final push to success
2) To totally quit depending on my Dad or Ted for assistance since we canâ€™t do anything about it at the Moment
3) We will work hard and be on time.
I feel much better about what weâ€™re doing now. Another uncanny thing. Do you know that on October 30th it will be exactly 2 years since the conception of this band in my mind? It was on October 30th 1975 that I wrote for the first time that us four, me, Tom, Fred and Paddy would be in a famous group. On the last of our 4 workweeks during which time I plan to drive all of us to the max, we will work through the weekend and on October 24th, the following Monday we will have a meeting t see what we have achieved. Six more days after that will mark two years. [Take 2 years and subtract 2 months, after 22 of these going up, the H.R.â€™s descended in a 3 week plunge, to the firing spot of their fame!]
Iâ€™m trying to think back on all the unused variables that have never been utilized since we came together â€“ Dad, Ted, Al King, Fredâ€™s Dad, our tapes, paper, contacts, performance, victories, and all the ideas in the past which we have thought of but never used. On these things, and whatever else we or I can think of, is what I want to draw on in the next month. Weâ€™ve go to make an all out campaign. The letter, which I recently sent my father, is great because it explains basically what is unique that this group has to offer. My super logic seems to be triumphant and I feel confident and feel we canâ€™t lose!
September 25th, 1977 -/
Sunday. I walked miles today and in the evening I went to Trader Jackâ€™s and I had a Heineken and I watched the Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds and I thought it was a fantastic flick. I am excited about tomorrow because I am looking forward to ripping the entertainment world apart and tomorrow starts our big push.
September 26th, 1977 â€“-
Dear Diary, honestly, if the H.R.â€™s donâ€™t have something awful bitchinâ€™ in the making within 29 days I just may have to quit. I am frankly tired of â€œlivingâ€ with those guys, although I still like being with them, and I am tired of sleeping on the beach, I am tired of not living comfortably. Besides, I have carried out 99% of the mission. I have formed the group and brought them to Florida and I have done all as the plan has been dictated to me (Sometimes my intuition seems to come from above) by a higher source. I have done my part and if fate wonâ€™t handle the rest thereâ€™s little I can do.
Monday â€“ Today we began our work by getting the van fixed, labor and parts totaled $27.04, but it was worth it because the van sounded like new again, and at the Moment reliable transportation is what we need. We found the names, numbers and addresses in the yellow pages of everyone who looked like they could help us in the music world and we set down our plan, at the Ft. Lauderdale Library that we should contact everyone we could. We agreed on the goal that the outcome of the next 28 days labor should be â€“
1) Record contract
2) Recording to take place shortly afterward
3) Promotion tour in England and Europe and
4) An advance check.
We had a gigantic spaghetti feast in the early evening, went to sleep on the beach and got stuck in the sand; two of the nicest cops in the world helped us out and I spent the rest of the night having free coffee at the Hollywood Howard Johnsonâ€™s. It was free and everyone was nice. The girl Kate whom I met at Trader Jackâ€™s lives in this town, she told me to stop by.
September 27th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ Today we did many things. I wrote letters to Al King, my father and to Paddy. Tom searched for addresses and Fred called all sorts of places which resulted in the fact that we are supposed to drop by Bob Davisâ€™ offices tomorrow morning and an appointment more or less for 2pm tomorrow at TK productions with George Narcia. Before we got to Miami it was real weird and interesting because we were doing exercises in a park and one minute it was as hot as hell and the next minute it was to me like a hurricane â€“ lightning went off around 20 yards above our heads. Well this gives us 27 more days to make it! I think for 2 days work weâ€™re doing pretty well. We drove back to Hollywood and had one of the best spaghetti meals weâ€™ve had on the trip. We sat out by the beach and talked about making it within a month. The spirit of the band has expanded rapidly since the 24th. Itâ€™s so you believe it so much it happens.
September 28th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ â€œThe very point, which appears to complicate a case is, when duly considered and scientifically handled, the one which is most likely to elucidate it.â€ â€“ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle â€“ Hound of the Baskervilles.
I finished reading The Hound of the Baskervilles today at the Miami public library. We mailed off letters to Dad, Al King and Paddy today. We spoke to two agents personally today, the first was Bob Davis who said he can deal with Atlantic, A & M and a few other big record companies. He said to give him a call tomorrow morning; that he knew a guy with an 8-track studio in Ft. Lauderdale and that heâ€™d call him up. The second was one George Narcia of TK records, the people who put out KC and the Sunshine Band. He told us to give him a tape when we get one. They have 2-24 track studios at TK. (Bob Davis is the agent for the Jackson 5.) Bob Davis also gave us the names of 2 establishments that have live rock groups. We ate an all you can eat fish fry at Howard Johnsonâ€™s and slept peacefully in a park on 12th St..
September 29th, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ We gave Bob Davis a call first thing in the morning. He said that he had contacted the studio and they said, â€œIf they are that goodâ€ that they would give us some free studio time and see what we could come up with. He said heâ€™d like us to try to get a job for two reasons:
1) To get the drummer down here and
2) To have a showcase for our works.
He said to talk to the 747 Club and the Brasserie and to call him in the morning. He said we either need the entire group down here or a tape and so weâ€™re going to try to get him a tape. We dropped some old tapes by to George of TK records. Tomâ€™s mother wired him $150 so weâ€™re in the chips again. We did some exercises on the beach and had a spaghetti dinner (again!) and went to watch Muhammad Ali beat Ernie Shavers on TV at the Marine Lounge. We had a great time. This trips fun.
September 30th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ I was just reading February 4th of this year and it made me realize just how many predictions about my own fate that are supposed to come true that donâ€™t. So I guess the reader has to disregard these little predictions I make. We will see. We called Bob Davis who told us to contact the â€œPlaypenâ€ in Lauderdale â€“ we said weâ€™d be by with a tape on Monday, he said, â€œO.K.â€ Got a letter in Lauderdale from Dad and he said there was no way he could help us â€“ I called him to tell him to send the tape and he said it will be at the General Delivery office at Miami. I had a great day today â€“ Hock and me played coconut football â€“ with a coconut out in the fresh waterâ€™s of the ocean. We had a big feast of chiliburgers and some girls came by when we were playing guitar but they left and we went down to our little â€œhomeâ€ on 12th St.
October 1st, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ If you considered the people back home â€“ if there was ever any doubt in their minds as to whether we should make it, could make it or deserved to make it, those doubts could be dispelled by listening to us now. What were once, a short while ago, barely passable songs have now become powerhouses â€“ our songwriting is getting extraordinary.
Tonight Tom and I wrote no. 91. I learned in Thunder Bay that the simpler songs went over best, and Iâ€™ve developed a knack (likewise for Tom in his lyrics) of making the title line of the song stick out- they call it giving the song a hook. Weâ€™ve a long way to go but weâ€™re now capable of being hit-songwriters. We are ready. Today I wrote to Ted, Paddy, Staci, Cappa and Clymer, Bernadette, Gram, Donna, Joyce Scutter, Robin and Mike Taylor. We met a bitchinâ€™ old man with a foxy wife who was an adventure writer. Good day.
October 2nd, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ Today was our day off. We got the van fixed and went to the beach, swam, laid out in the sun. At 9:30pm we went into the Blue Waters bar to watch the football game and a girl there named Shannon Knight bought us drink after drink after drink. I had 2 Harvey Wallbangers, 2 Amarettoâ€™s, 1 sombrero and sips off a few other drinks. At the end of the night Fred kissed her goodnight, Tom did and then I said, â€œAnd hereâ€™s the grand finale and we frenched for a few seconds (so Iâ€™ve got to report it). There was one of the worst group in history at this place called the Curbello Trio, the Cuban Kings and theyâ€™ve been playing there for 11 years. The bartender wanted us to play there but weâ€™re not going to because… the place is a dump. Our spirits were up of course, free drinks! The H.R.â€™s are happy with what theyâ€™re doing.
October 3rd, 1977 â€“-
â€œTape didnâ€™t arrive â€“ phoned Dad â€“ said he mailed it on Friday night. Weâ€™re a bit concerned. Fixed van, did exercises, mailed letters to all parties written on Sunday.â€
Monday â€“ Some days are more interesting than others and upon reflection October 3rd turns out to be extremely interesting. The thing, or rather person, that seems to be occupying my interest at this point is one Maureen Ann Cathleen Kennedy. For about 45 minutes tonight I laid in her bed with her, under the covers, her in her nighty and fairly close, talking with her about sex, but only talking mind you. Not one kiss passed between us. We stayed up the entire night talking â€“ I played a few songs for her â€“ she made me toast. We were on the beach and I spotted her and felt she was going to approach us â€“ so confident was I â€“ and she did, and she invited us over to watch the football game. I fell asleep during the game and I awoke late after everyone was asleep. Under the pretense I didnâ€™t feel well she got me yogurt and after we talked for hours we went to our beds â€“ 45 minutes later I went into her room and asked if I could crawl in with her. She said, â€œyes.â€
Diary, itâ€™s becoming something I think about incessantly; how to appear attractive, or I get these urges â€“ I am going to sleep with her, and more and more I am getting closer to the right formula. Before we met Maureen a strange event occurred. Out of the blue a man began talking to us, as he was walking away he came back and he said, â€œIâ€™ve got a tip for you. Thereâ€™s a man who works in a record store around the corner who manages groups.â€ Then he left. The totally uncanny thing about it is that the Beatles manager, Brian Epstein originally worked in a record store when he began managing the Beatleâ€™s â€“ this type of individual is the last missing link in our plans. At the same time we met Maureen we met an older man who told us to go to New York â€“ that all the action for records is there. We have been half joking since that we are going to go in to see Brian Epstein tomorrow.
October 4th, 1977 â€“-
Before we left this morning I jokingly told Maureen Tuesday, that Iâ€™d meet her tonight to go to dinner and she replied, â€œAre you serious? Because if you are, Iâ€™ll go out to dinner with you.â€ I told her I was only kidding. We talked with her cousin Barbara, drove to the post office. The man told me they had not received my tape, but upon my inquisition he found they had and I picked it up. We had 2 copies made for $4.15 and went to eat lunch and clear up on Miami Beach. Fred phoned Bob Davis and Bob said we could drop it by anytime before five oâ€™clock.
We got dressed nicely and drove to the record store to discover our â€œEpsteinâ€ had a heart attack and wouldnâ€™t be back for 2 months. We then drove to Bob Davisâ€™ Office and were suddenly introduced to Lee Pittman, the 2nd member of Bob Davis â€“ Pittman productions. About 6â€™2â€ in height, sandy colored hair, strong build, but definite signs of class, casually but nicely dressed, he gave us each a strong handshake and since Bob was busy on the phone, he had us into his office, which was very comfortable. He asked us questions and took down the answers. He asked us how to describe our group in one word and I said, â€œthe Beatles.â€ I explained how we were precisely like the Beatles â€“ Bob Davis popped his head in and Lee said, Bob, guess how they describe their group in 1 word and I said â€“ Beatles.
I ran down to the car and got our pictures from K101 (and earlier Fred ran down to the van to get our newspaper clippings.) Lee said he was most impressed with us and the fact that we didnâ€™t look like rock musicians â€“ we were clean cut, trim (didnâ€™t smell!). We told him about Paddy and as Bob was ready to leave, Bob told us to call Paddy. There were four lines in the office and we each got on one. I phoned Paddy. Mrs. Mallon answered and said that Paddy was in Calgary going to school. I got his phone number and Lee told me to call. I talked to his roommate who said he wouldnâ€™t be back until about 5 p.m. (which was 7 p.m. our time.) Lee told us how he liked us, how we had a rapport, told us about how he met Julie Andrews, how he had a Masters Degree in Architecture (when we mentioned Paddy was studying that subject), and he related to us his experience on Broadway and said that he understood how we felt sitting there.
He said the first thing to do was to get the drummer down here, but that we should consider the possibility that it might be impossible to get him down here and that we might have to get another drummer. He told us that Bob Davis had big connections, for example, he said, the chairman of the board for CBS records (which is the English label for what is know in the United Sates as Colombia Records), who has more say than any other one man in CBS, is Bob Davisâ€™ best friend â€“ and many times Bob has phoned this man, who in turn phones direct to New York and clears up Bobâ€™s problem for him. Lee told us that he (Lee) is the only man that can ride Bob Davis, that Bob has all the contacts, but that he (Lee) has the push (behind the Davis-Pittman enterprise.) Lee said that he would like us to come over to his house.
After we discovered that Paddy had gone off to school. He said there was a man he knew who had a 24 track recording studio and this man had told him that he would allow Lee some free studio time, as much as he wanted (apparently because Lee had referred some people to his studio) and although Lee wasnâ€™t sure that it would be O.K., he would see if he could use that invitation for recording time so we could do some free recording. Lee mentioned that they dealt with someone that was putting up a million dollar letter of credit for an upcoming Stevie Wonder tour they are handling and â€œhe is the guy we want to talk to about you guys.â€
Lee said that he would try to phone Paddy tonight and that we should phone him this evening to find out if he had contacted him- that if he talked to Paddy he would state who he was and (attempt to) arrange a time that we (the H.R.â€™s and him) could phone him tomorrow. He said he would listen to the tape tonight. I told him Iâ€™d phone him at around 9 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. We left his office with him and as we were leaving I said â€œLee, I hope Iâ€™m not going too fast for you but I feel like we (you, me and the H.R.â€™s) are like a team.â€ I repeated myself, to make sure he heard it and he acknowledged it and said his goodbye and as we were walking across the street and as he drove by in a nice car he honked its horn and waved goodbye.
We couldnâ€™t believe what had happened to us in the last 2 hours and 32 minutes. We had a few beer and drove to the Blue Waters afterwards. Fred and I had a big discussion as to the fact we both liked and wanted Maureen. He and I ended up driving over there and she was not home so I left her a note â€“ he merely said â€œHello, Love – Fredâ€ and he and I drove to Burger King and had some burgers and I phoned Lee at nearly 9:30 p.m. and Lee said he tried to contact Paddy 3 times and that Paddy wasnâ€™t there. He said there might be a problem about coming to his place tomorrow (But if we couldnâ€™t do it tomorrow we would surely do it another day this week, most likely Thursday.) He said to call him at this office tomorrow at 11am.
Fred and I went back to the Blue Waters and after awhile we all left and went to our sleeping spot in Miami. The night was cool. Breezy, dry and I was very tired because I had stayed up with Maureen last night, so I had probably the best sleep that I have yet had on the trip. The visualizing of my goals is becoming more explicit and realistic. A flash back: I told Lee that when we got together at his house, although I never felt like doing this normally. I wanted to play some of our new tunes on my guitar. To this day and all that has happened, phew!
October 5th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ We awoke at about 9:15 am, I after the most restful sleep I have had on this trip, and feeling great and as I had suggested just before retirement last night, we went to a (nearby) coffee shop and had coffee (and those guys had breakfast) and we discussed our situation. We are 10 days into our 30-day commitment to make it big. That is 1/3rd of the way. From what happened yesterday we figured that we are ahead of schedule. We discussed Paddy and I concluded that he would come down here if and only if we were able to sum up enough money to pay off his loan. I decided that we should never contradict ourselves in Leeâ€™s company. I thought that to remain on schedule that within 5 days a record company should be notified in our behalf.
Before I knew it, it was 3 minutes to 11 am so I borrowed money from Fred to make a phone call and I called Lee. The secretary, Dottie said he wasnâ€™t in but luckily I chatted with her a small while and Lee came into the office so she put him on the line. Lee came on the line and he said that he had not been able to reach Paddy, that he had tried this morning and had received no answer. He asked if there was a possibility that Paddy was trying to avoid us, that perhaps Paddyâ€™s mother had called to warn him. I said that was the most reasonable possibility next to the fact he may just not have been home.
He said that he (Lee) had listened to the tape and that the first number he liked and that he had played the song for Bob this morning. He said that perhaps a man, Mike Vitro might be able to help us but that Mike often wants his groups to sign exclusively with him and that before Mike Vitro had us sign with him he would like us to sign with him (meaning Bob Davis- Pittman Productions.) Lee said he (Lee) would like to assume the role of management (or manager). I said that I wanted (so badly!) for him to be our manager and that in saying so I was (definitely) speaking for all three of us. I told him how elated we were upon leaving his office yesterday (and he said, â€œI could see that.â€) I told him how sure we were that he was our Epstein and I told him I hoped I wasnâ€™t making him feel uncomfortable by saying all this and he said, â€œNot at all,â€ (which could be taken to mean, â€œon the contraryâ€). He said something to the effect of us rehearsing so maybe we could audition before Mike Vitro (also something to the effect about this happening next week?) and I asked him if there was any way that we could deal with him (Lee) through him (Lee) to Mike Vitro. (In other words, was there a way to deal with Mike Vitro without jeopardizing our relationship with Lee and having Lee handle it. So we could get something out of Vitro without becoming involved with him.
Lee said, â€œYes.â€ I told Lee it worried me when he had first started talking about Mike Vitro because I wanted to deal with him (Lee) exclusively. Lee mentioned that there was something he was going to discuss with Bob but that he didnâ€™t want to say anything yet. (It seemed a mention of something much bigger than anything yet discussed during the conversation â€“ as if something to do with a record company, merely my own speculation and wishful thinking at the Moment.) He called to Bob in the next room, precluding this event by telling me he was going to get Bob on the line and have Bob tell me what his response to all this (and our tape) was.
Bob said something to the effect about Mike Vitro and Bob Davis-Pittman Productions but to tell you the truth I donâ€™t really recall what Bob said. Lee mentioned that he would talk to a jazz drummer that he knew about either him playing with us or someone he could introduce us to. Earlier, upon talking about Paddy he mentioned the above solution to our Paddy/drummer problem and he said, â€œQuite frankly I donâ€™t know he would fit in because (and I hope this doesnâ€™t sound funny saying this) you are three good-looking young men and this boy is not good looking. You saw his picture yesterday on my desk.â€
I replied that I remembered the young man and that he simply would definitely not do. Lee said that the first thing to do would be to get a complete group. He said that it was impossible to have us over tonight but that we should plan to come over tomorrow night and that he wants us to keep in touch with him and we should call back today. (I said Iâ€™d all him at 4:30pm) at which time he will have attempted to call Paddy one more time. He said there was one thing he could do (about Paddy) and that was he could leave his number and have Paddy call his office. I said yes, he could have Paddy call collect. (I mentioned earlier to Lee that I had figured out the way to get Paddy down here and he said, â€œIt boils down to money, right?â€ and I said, â€œYes and no. Iâ€™ll discuss it with you later.â€)
I told Lee how we were talking yesterday when we left his office about how we felt he would be a welcome addition if when we all made it big he came up to us at a social gathering and how it was important to us to like the man in his position and have things in common with him socially as well as the music. He said he felt exactly the same way toward us.
In regards to the music he said that he felt that our songwriting was the trick (meaning it was the key or strong point.) He said he felt the first song was well-written and showed my theory coming through (yesterday he asked us if we had done any study and Tom said, â€œNo,â€ Fred said he had taken music appreciation and theory, Lee noted that and then I said that I had started with the piano at 5, when that was no longer available I studied trumpet for 5 years and then took up the guitar at the age of 12 and have been playing for 10 years and took Flamenco lessons, and then when I went to college my first year was an entire music curriculum in which I took harmony, musicianship and voice and about this time he said, â€œStop! Iâ€™ve heard enough!!!â€ I think he was impressed with my background but at any rate now he knows I have one.)
He said (and I feel this to be amount the 3 most important if not the most important thing in the entire conversation) that, â€œ(at this point) I am frankly more impressed with you as people than with your music. Well, after all this I said Iâ€™d call him at 4:30pm- oh yes, he said, I want you to keep in touch (until tomorrow at my place) â€“ and we said our goodbye. I walked back into the restaurant with a smile from ear to ear â€“ the smile came automatically to my face, and the first thing I said was â€œHe said that he wants to assume the role of management,â€ and Tom and Fred kicked back in their seats and laughed heartily with joy for 30 seconds. I then related all that transpired and ever since we have been in a state of amazement and can hardly believe what we knew all along would happen is finally happening.
I said I wanted to be alone so I could write about this and Iâ€™ve been sitting here in the library for the past 3 hours recording what has transpired since we walked into Bobâ€™s office yesterday afternoon. I might say now that all of us are especially impressed with Lee. Heâ€™s talented, amusing, ambitious, understanding, intelligent and positive. We drove out to Miami Beach where we met Maureen the other night and I wrote 4 songs. I phoned Lee and he sounded so disappointed that he had not been able to reach Paddy that I was a little disillusioned for a while after getting off the phone. Lee said to call him around 4pm tomorrow to check if he would be able to have us over.
To rectify the situation with Paddy I called him at about 10 p.m. (8 p.m. his time) and Paddy accepted the charges. I talked with him for about 12 minutes in which time he behaved nearly exactly as I suspected, at first saying, â€œNo!â€ he couldnâ€™t do it but when I asked him if playing music with us was something that turned him off or turned him on he said, â€œItâ€™s something that (definitely) turns me on.â€ He said he couldnâ€™t leave school and I told him we were on the verge of being famous. He said he knew it wasnâ€™t going to hurt us to not have him and I told him he was wrong and that it would hurt us tremendously. I asked him to please reserve judgment until tomorrow and I made him promise heâ€™d call to Leeâ€™s office. 305-868-1206 at 4 p.m. his time (6 p.m. ours) tomorrow. He promised he would and I said goodbye.
I went out to talk to Fred and Tom and I told them that the following would occur: Paddy would be offered a guarantee of work, of recording, of management and a plane flight down here, he would debate and at the last minute he would decide to do it, come down and weâ€™d be famous. Me, Tom and Fred had a little business meeting before we went to sleep and then we retired after a very full day â€“ Oh! Yes â€“ another piece of news I totally forgot to mention was that I asked Fred to call George at TK records and he did and George acknowledged that he had listened to our tapes and that heâ€™d like to talk to us face to face.
Fred made an appointment for 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. Diary, I hereby state the general feeling flowing through the H.R.â€™s at the end of this day is one of pleasant disbelief â€“ itâ€™s almost hard to grasp that so much has happened in the last few hours.
October 6th, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ Today rather fell apart. We had planned to do all sorts of things that did not end up being done. We didnâ€™t have our pictures developed because it was $4.70 per roll â€“ too expensive. We didnâ€™t end up practicing or going to Ft. Lauderdale because we woke up too late. We didnâ€™t see Lee because he had to work last night. But I did talk to him. He told me not to think he was putting us off. Among the good things he said about us was: â€œBob thinks only in dollars. I think that I met three young men whom I liked and who Iâ€™m going to like a whole lot more before this whole thing is over. My attitude toward Bob is hands off you guys. Iâ€™m growing possessive about you already.â€ I told him we felt the same about him. We made an appointment to come to his house at 4 p.m. on Saturday and he told me to call Paddy and tell Paddy to be at home at 3pm Saturday and to charge it to his bill. I called Paddy and he said heâ€™d be there.
I talked to him for about 12 minutes and then Fred and Tom talked with him. Unfortunately, Lee told me earlier that he canâ€™t promise anything to Paddy and we better consider the possibility of finding a replacement down here. I canâ€™t say how it is to be done but these three H.R.â€™s feel that Paddy is their man and it makes me feel good to finally have a proof of Tom and Fredâ€™s devotion to Paddy, our chosen drummer. Slept well tonight.
October 7th, 1977 -/
Friday â€“ Itâ€™s almost hard to believe weâ€™ve got a chance to make it now after going only on faith for such a long time. Almost as I expected our visit to TK records was a waste of time. We walked into Georgeâ€™s office and he gave us back the tape and stumbled over his own words an incredible amount until I finally said, â€œYou can help us right?â€ Jesus, I canâ€™t stand when people arenâ€™t straightforward. The van ran unbelievably terribly today until I asked a guy how to tune it. My first attempt failed but on my second attempt I was lucky enough to turn the distributor to the right location and presto!! The van runs absolutely perfect now (timing wise â€“ at least). Fred fixed the muffler, I fixed the seat and we both fixed the windows so the vans once again in good shape I woke up early and secretly drove to Maureenâ€™s and she wasnâ€™t there so I left a note asking her to meet me.
Taking into consideration the countless possible reasons she couldnâ€™t show up, I say there that she didnâ€™t show up, as I was waiting for her. I wrote songs number 96 and 97 today. I hope that by the end of our 30-day period we are able to say weâ€™ve achieved what we wanted. Weâ€™ve got 17 more days left. Iâ€™d say as of now we are right on schedule, but that is no guarantee that we can remain so. I wish this problem with Paddy hadnâ€™t arrived. In the end, all will be for the best.
October 8th, 1977 -/
Saturday â€“ The drawbridge that leads to Leeâ€™s house got stuck up and we didnâ€™t arrive until 5pm. 1 hour late, but when we walked in we were amazed. The interior of his house is plush and smart, comfortable, and ritzy. It was like a dream. We could not get a hold of Paddy. Later we tried and discovered that he had been gone all day and apparently had no intention of being there for our call. Lee said he will try to reach him 2 more times tomorrow night and in the meantime will try to start thinking about a substitute for Paddy. We each had a few beers. When we had been there a few minutes Lee said he had a date (with Vicki) at 7:30 p.m. Well, it was ironic because we didnâ€™t end up leaving until 11:30 pm!!! Thatâ€™s how well we hit it off!!!
In that time we moved our equipment out of our van and into his garage to keep it safe. We listened to Leeâ€™s symphonies, his recordings with EMI in London, his performance in Massachusetts. I asked Lee to draw up an agreement for the four of us and a drummer. I asked him if he wanted to be our manager. He said that he was afraid because he felt like he had our future in his hands, but he agreed to help us and to be our exclusive manager. He asked us who the leader was and Hock said all of us but after I piped up about it. Tom said, â€œO.K. Shea. You are.â€
The plan is for Lee to phone Paddy and meanwhile, to find another drummer, try to get us studio time and anything else that comes to mind. Lee said he felt he could hack all the pressure if we made it big and he agreed to take on the job about being our man â€“ a fine meeting!!
Lee also said he was concerned that we are sleeping outside and asked us to call him everyday so heâ€™d know we are O.K. We are supposed to call him tomorrow to find out if he reached Paddy or no. He said he doesnâ€™t like his business partner and plans to be out of it in December but he says Bob has contacts with Capital â€“ the company we want to sign with. Lee says he thinks weâ€™ll hit big first in England, cause they love American groups.
I donâ€™t want the average amount of coverage given this day to give the impression this was an average day. On the contrary it was most fantastic and I feel since as the days go by so much is going to happen that Iâ€™ll only have the inclination and time to record the most important date as it comes to mind. Today was a 4-star day for as of today we have a dedicated manager and now there is no stopping us.
October 9th, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ Today was our day off. Those guys wanted to watch the football game. We bumped into Barbara, Maureenâ€™s cousin and she said Maureen had a breakdown early Friday morning and is now in the psychiatric ward in the hospital. Those guys watched the football game and I went over to see Maureen. She said thanks for the notes I had written to her and said that if she had not been in the hospital she wouldâ€™ve come by Friday night to drink with me. I told her I would like to party with her and I was making it sound like I was thinking along the lines of all four of us, Tom, Fred, me and her get together and she said sheâ€™d love to, but then I realized she was talking about being just with me, so I said, â€œLets make a date.â€ She is supposed to be leaving the hospital on Tuesday so we made a date to have a Dutch treat dinner on Thursday at 7:30 p.m. and weâ€™ll use her car and weâ€™ll meet at her house. I told her not to mention it to Tom or Fred (since I knew weâ€™d all be visiting her again tonight) because I wanted it to be just her and me.
When we returned tonight I wrote her a note, put it in an envelope and sealed it and gave it to her. In it I reminded her of our date Thursday, her place at 7:30 p.m. I went so far as to write that I love her and care for her, but I warned her not to get the wrong impression. I gave her a few words of inspiration and confidence in the note and told her Iâ€™d like to see her as much as possible before she returns to Massachusetts next Sunday. I also said that Iâ€™d like to spend some time with her in the future.
It occurred to me today that whenever I get angry itâ€™s because I have let things get to me instead of being in control, so I decided right then and there to never get angry but rather to realize whatâ€™s the best thing to do in a situation and to do it. I come off much more refined when I attack my social life in this manner. I called Lee, who wasnâ€™t home, but his roommate said Lee had left the message for me that he hadnâ€™t been able to reach Paddy and to call him at 1 p.m.
October 10th, 1977 //
Monday â€“ I want to express the importance of doing a Silent Treatment, but remember to do it while youâ€™re still alert, before you get tired. If done properly one can feel sensations of the utmost pleasure by doing absolutely nothing. Today was a jumble of good and bad and the best way to describe it is to say that at the beginning of the day we were still considering Paddy and by tonight had accepted that we must forget him and find another drummer. Secondly, we were anticipating signing on with Lee as our manager and now we are still dealing with Lee but he asked us to drop the title of manager and the long-term future with him is questionable.
The first even takes place because we phoned Paddy and we put it to him and he said he wasnâ€™t going to join the group so I told him goodbye and said he had disappointed us and Fred told him the same and Tom wouldnâ€™t even talk to him. I was sarcastic to him and then said goodbye and hung up the receiver. But I plan to write him a closing note in a few days so there wonâ€™t be any hard feelings. So now we must look for a drummer down here. This will at least give us a chance to find a younger, more positive replacement for Paddy.
The worst news and yet not so bad is that Lee said he didnâ€™t want to have the title of manager at the Moment. He explained the crisis he is having with Bob Davis and said he wasnâ€™t sure he could do justice to us, saying he felt to do the proper job that heâ€™d have to spend 7 to 8 hours a day working totally for us. Now this is the bad part. The good part is that he says nothing has changed. He says he loves us and wants to help us; that heâ€™ll try to get us a drummer recording time and a job.
Fred called him a few minutes later and asked if we could borrow $5 until Wednesday when he should be receiving money. Lee went to his bank and out of his way to lend us $10. I called him this evening and told him about Paddy and he told us to go to the university tomorrow to look for a drummer. He wants us to call him tomorrow when we find out what happens at the university.
In the final analysis everything is great with Lee but heâ€™s letting us know the future is uncertain. He agreed when I told him the way I looked at it was that weâ€™ll all give it our best shot with the time weâ€™re able to give. He said â€œO.K.â€. I went by to see Maureen tonight by myself but her aunt and cousin, a boy, were there so I didnâ€™t get to say much to her. I told her weâ€™d call her tomorrow. I donâ€™t know what happened to my old idea that if someone wanted to quit the group that I would just say O.K. since thereâ€™s no use trying to convince someone, but with Paddy (and Lee today on the phone) I was trying to hold on and thatâ€™s not good. I feel better that Paddy at least gave us an honest answer.
I wrote songs number 98 and 99 today so it should be in a day or two that Hock and I have written 100 songs. I feel that is quite an accomplishment. The H.R.â€™s did a lot of handshaking today to boost our morale. Talked to Dad tonight. Says Marc was disappointed I wasnâ€™t at his wedding.
October 11th, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Today the first thing we did was to go to the post office to find out if Fred had received a check from his Dad â€“ when it wasnâ€™t there we drove to Ft. Lauderdale post office and nothing was there. Then we went to my bank and of the $10 I had left they charged me $2 for early withdrawal. We drove down to the University of Miami to look for a drummer. I talked to Lee and he said that he had talked to his drummer friend and that the guy knew two drummers but they were both into jazz. We didnâ€™t have any luck at the University. We had some soup and made an early night of it. We have 81 cents left between the 3 of us.
Today we decided if by November 11 we didnâ€™t have a job playing or if Lee wasnâ€™t pushing our demo we would swing into action to go to Europe. We are going to put $100 aside when we get it to facilitate in an emergency. We also decided that we would sell everything save our guitars and by small amps and go to London. There are 3 things I think we can expect to achieve with Leeâ€™s assistance in the next month.
Diary, the morale of the group is getting very low. Paddy really dealt us a low blow by not joining us and I think weâ€™re still recovering and hope to God that we can recover. Itâ€™s a major psychological set back.
I wrote him a real friendly goodbye note today. I called Maureen and she said that they will let her out tomorrow. I double-checked and yes we are going out Thursday night and sheâ€™ll expect me at 7:30pm at her house â€“ and will go have Chinese food, although she says she doesnâ€™t know why I donâ€™t tell my friends that Iâ€™m going out with her.
Dear diary, as I close this day things look bleak very bleak. I slept in the van for about 10 hours tonight â€“ a long restful sleep
October 12th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ I woke up feeling refreshed and with newfound inspiration. Thereâ€™s no sense giving up now, weâ€™ve come so far and as far as we know perhaps we are on the verge of success.
Today started out dull and I feel like a million dollars by the close of the day. The first accomplishment was that Tom and I wrote our 100th song. This I feel is a major accomplishment. Went by Leeâ€™s office to borrow some money and we ended up speaking for about 3 hours, during which time he amazed us as he got on the phone and talked to people about us in the most complimentary fashion.
At one point Lee said, â€œI am going to put the leader of the group on the phone with you.â€ (Diary you donâ€™t know how important this is to me!) I talked to Bert Compton who gave me the phone #â€™s of 5 drummers one of whom I called and who very well could be our man â€“ Jerry Bissett. 21 years old, 6â€™, 233-5198. Iâ€™ve scheduled a meeting with him for Saturday. Plus I called Lee up later. Again I talked with him for maybe 20-25 minutes. I told him I would like to discuss this leader thing with him privately. He said O.K. Bert Compton said we could play a concert for $450 on October 28th at Fort Pierce. If Terry is the right guy maybe well be able to play the concert. Weâ€™re going to have to either get free studio time or pay for it ourselves because Lee said heâ€™d pay for it but he doesnâ€™t have the money.
Weâ€™re supposed to go by to see Bert tomorrow at a studio â€“Itâ€™s $50 an hour 16 track, but Iâ€™ll tell you right now, diary, I refuse to use my own money. I called Gammy tonight and she said sheâ€™ll send $150 by Western Union within a few days, and that she sent me a note. I love her with all my heart and hope she lives to visit the castle Iâ€™m going to buy her. Diary, I canâ€™t describe the confidence Lee gives us and he never ceases to amaze us. You should have heard him take control on the phone today and for us!! He bought me a coke and lent us $15 today. We went to Howard Johnsonâ€™s for an all you can eat fish fry – $2.99. Iâ€™m very impressed with Terry â€“ nice clean-cut kid. And I canâ€™t wait to see Maureen tomorrow night. Iâ€™m gonna sneak it on these guys. Call Lee at 10:30am â€“ morning check-in, you know? Things are looking up!!!
One last thing today. A note on love. More and more I feel disposed to be secretive about my dealings with the fairer sex! I notice that whenever a person talks about a girl who likes him it rather bores or turns off the listener. So I feel in the 1st place the important thing is what pleasure the girl and I share and is not who I tell about it.
October 13th, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ (Mail tape to Ted â€“ check mail, call Lee â€“ if possible confirm gig with Bert â€“ call Jerry, can we see him tomorrow night â€“ remind Lee about finding out about free recording â€“ buy Realization song book â€“ buy pens â€“ arrange date with Miss Kennedy). The day started off with a thud because no money arrived for Fred â€“ therefore we were not able to do a lot of things we had wished. I called Lee and asked him if we could borrow some more money. He said he was getting low but could lend us $5 more and I asked him to make it $10 (since I knew Iâ€™d be seeing Maureen tonight.) He said, â€œO.K.â€ and we talked about things for awhile â€“ we seem to always have a lot to say to each other and usually spend more time than necessary on the phone together.
I might mention that Lee has told me (I believe it was this morning he said it) â€“ he feels that the word â€œleaderâ€ has a harsh ring to it and that he feels I should talk to Tom and Fred and asked them if they will let me be the spokesman for the group. If someone asks me who the leader of the group is the reply should be, â€œwe all make the decisions together, but Jeff is spokesman for the group.â€ He said, â€œI donâ€™t know if you realize it Jeff but when I am talking to the three of you I am directing the conversation to you.
As you may have noticed the decisions that have been made already have been made basically between you and I.â€ He also said, â€œIn the future I will address all three of you at meetings but you can assume I am talking to you.â€ I better never let those guys read this. I talked with Tom and Fred shortly after and I said that Lee has expressed the opinion that I am in agreement with him, that the term leader is too harsh but that since people will ask us who the leader is that in answer we should say we all make the decisions but I am the spokesman.
I then asked if they would mind me being called the spokesman and they said it would be O.K. by them. So it is settled. I am now the spokesman for the group but as Fred said it doesnâ€™t really change anything â€“ everyone is going to say what they want anyway. While I was talking to Lee a guy called who had read a note we had left on a bulletin board at the University of Miami and he had the guy call me at the payphone I was at.
The guyâ€™s name was Jerry Coyne and I told him Iâ€™d call him this evening at 7:15pm. It was after I got off the phone with Jerry that I talked to Tom and Fred about spokesman, after which we check the mail again and when we found nothing was when I called Lee a 2nd time and he said heâ€™d have the money waiting for us with Dottie, his secretary, if he wasnâ€™t in when we came by.
We bought some hot dogs, went to Miami Beach, ate, showered, went to Leeâ€™s office. He wasnâ€™t there but Dottie gave us an envelope from him with $10 enclosed. We went to Synatrak at 2404 Hollywood Blvd. in Hollywood where we met Ken, the engineer, Bert the drummer and a few others with whom I was not fascinated. Neither was I fascinated by the studio or what finished products I heard. As we were walking out a guy who had been standing there all along for the last 35 minutes introduced himself as David Lenni, whom Lee had said would meet us there. David Lenni is a yes-man but a nice guy, goofy but willing to work â€“ and he adores Lee Pittman and will do anything for Lee to further their business amongst one another. I had told Dave to find us a job and he told us that he may have a place for us to practice in a week or 2.
After Dave left I was more or less forced to tell those guys about my date with Maureen at 7:30pm since it was getting late. They gave me the razz an dropped me off a block from her house and I said Iâ€™d probably be back that night but if I wasnâ€™t, to meet me at 9:30am tomorrow morning at Howard Johnsonâ€™s. I walked down the block and said â€œis Maureen hereâ€ to her nephew as I peeked through the screen door â€“ Maureen came walking out and said â€œwould you like to eat here (instead of going out to eat)?â€ I said sure. She gave me a beer and before dinner was ready she said that she appreciated the note I gave her when she was in the hospital. We had a very, very delicious meal of stuffed pasta shells â€“ stuffed with mozzarella cheese and cottage cheese and smothered with a tomatoes based spaghetti sauce. The garlic bread was made out of assorted left over bread but it was absolutely delicious. Barbara, Mâ€™s cousin made it, I had another beer. Before dinner I called Jerry Coyne and arranged to meet him at 3pm tomorrow. After dinner Maureen and I dropped off her cousin Kit at her auntâ€™s house, who Maureen says thinks I am a very nice young man. Maureen and I went out to a bar and each had a large draft, I had to take a few sips to help her finish hers.
We talked. Then we went out to the beach to a cafe where Maureen had a bowl of soup. (I called Lee, and Ted (his housemate) said he was asleep.) About this time I tried to get a little more intimate by bringing the conversation around to subjects, which will help my cause. She rather put me off by saying she felt she had to put me in my place (which is, I suppose, friend) when I asked if I could sleep with her the other night. I reacted to this and from that Moment on til the end of the night the conversation never really left the subject that I was not openly pursuing and/or wooing her or at least trying to. We took a walk out on the beach and the conversation developed to the point we were talking about her making love in the past and me explaining how I felt it was a good thing and would be a good thing with me. We ended up in a shack â€“ a lifeguard shack that over-looked the beach.
I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes. But I didnâ€™t do anything at that point but talk about it and about kissing in general and about how the kiss in question was to come off, all of which made her embarrassed, uncertain and in my opinion, less-disposed to kiss me. I finally more or less had her sit close to me and kissed her â€“ then pressed my lips a little harder against her and then as I sat back she said, â€œYou are a good kisser.â€ â€“ It was an awful kiss and I was completely dissatisfied with the kiss so I told her to kiss me again more passionately to which she said she couldnâ€™t just automatically kiss me with more feeling. She told me she felt awkward because she had decided previously I was someone she wouldnâ€™t kiss, mainly because I was too young, and here I was changing her mind. We left the hut and we went back along the beach. I stopped to kiss her and she more or less laughed and said she couldnâ€™t at which point I reacted and dropped to the sand and handed to her, her car keys and looked terribly stricken saying I could not believe she would laugh and not kiss me.
She said â€“ alright, Iâ€™ll kiss you, but to walk her back to the car. She took my hand and we went to a bar on the beach, a block up from the Blue Waters. We each had a Gin Gimlet and the bartender had to give me a discount because I didnâ€™t have enough to pay and Maureen had left her purse in the car. Over the drink the conversation abounded and I believe she brought up the fact I said I loved her in the note I gave her at the hospital. I said I did love her and repeated this many times before we left â€“and explained my philosophy of love to her. I said â€“ â€œDo you know what Iâ€™d really like?â€ â€“ And she said, â€œWhat?â€ and I said, â€œTo spend the night with you.â€ She thought a Moment and within a few minutes she said I could spend the night in her room but there would be no sex. Maureen and I walked back to the car, drove to Maureenâ€™s place, went in quietly.
I went to the bathroom and went into her room, took off my shirt and kicked back on the bed (she had put the two small beds in her room together since the first time we slept over.) She came in, in her nighty and asked if Iâ€™d like some chocolate milk and I said sure and she went to get it. She came in with it and we lay down on her bed and drank our chocolate milk. She tried to find a poem she had written. I said â€“ â€œjust one kissâ€ and I made and attempt to kiss her and again she backed off saying she just couldnâ€™t. I took off my pants and (I had my boxer shorts underneath) and I crawled under the covers, I got up again to go to the bathroom and on my way back in she asked me to turn off the lights. I did and then got in bed. I lay there and soon I said, â€œI knew it. I knew you wouldnâ€™t kiss me.â€ (Because she had been promising all night that she would.) And she said â€œIâ€™ll kiss you.â€
Then she hesitated. â€œO.K. itâ€™s just so hard for me. I canâ€™t.â€ Then a few Moments later I said â€œJesus,â€ or something to show contempt â€“ but almost on her own she said â€œIâ€™ll kiss you now.â€ So there I was alone with her in her bedroom â€“ her with her nighty on â€“ me with only my boxers and lying close to each other. She said â€“ â€œWhereâ€™s your face?â€ I was amused at that â€“ and I said â€œHereâ€ and there in the dark our lips met and our tongues lolled around one another for maybe 15 seconds during which time my excitement was immense and my pleasure and intrigue unimaginable.
After we were done with the kiss I laid back and said, â€œOh God!â€ and she said, â€œWas that good enoughâ€ and I said, â€œYes, more than good enough but not enough!â€ I let her know how pleasurable it was for me. She said she was uncomfortable on that side of the bed and so we switched sides of the bed. We were lying close enough to make it a slight effort for me to contain myself. I said, â€œI love you – oh! How I loveâ€ and seeing my heart pour forth she put her hands on my face tried to soothe me and when she couldnâ€™t sleep I held her hand to soothe her. She got up to get another pill and she said sheâ€™d make me some hot chocolate but before she could return I had fallen fast asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night. Jesus we were laying close! She was snoring so I knew she was asleep as long as she was snoring.
I reached around and felt her breast through her night and slipped my finger under panties and touched her hair there. I must admit the excitement was unbearable. I dropped off to sleep and completed what must sound like almost an ordeal but the kiss and the situation, physical and emotional, surrounding it were well worth what may seem like and effort on my part, but which is actually my baby and pleasure to toy with the working of romance.
October 14th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ The opening to a great day (in the sense of solutions to the H.R.â€™s present problems): Just as Maureen walked into wake me up I woke up and looked at her. She had been up for awhile. We talked and we lay on the bed. She had menstrual cramps that were hurting her badly. She apologized for not having any breakfast for me. She gave me a ride all the way to Howard Johnsonâ€™s where I said Iâ€™d meet those guys and she came in and paid for our coffee. We all had a smashing time and all three of us guys were in a good mood. Fred had received a money order for $200. Maureen told us to stop by tonight and she left. (I might mention Maureen told me last night that the fact I had come by the hospital to visit her had changed her mind about me â€“ it made her think I was sincere â€“ after all, I had tried to hop in bed with her that first night. And she said the fact that I came by to visit made her see that the Indian she had longed for back home didnâ€™t really care for her if I, a total stranger, had done more than him.)
The H.R.â€™s then got Fred to the post office. He cashed his check. We went to Western Union where I received $150 from Gammy â€“ bless her heart. We had lunch and went down to the University to meet Jerry Coyne. It was awful. I called Lee and told him we were talking to Frankenstein and Lee laughed and said it was too bad that not everyone could be both talented and good-looking. Lee and I had one of our long talks. The H.R.â€™s said goodbye to Jerry and we went to the library where I wrote up and covered the new volume of songs, yet to be filled, titled Realization and starting with song number 101.
It was about 6:15 p.m. when I called Jerry to see if we could see him tonight. He wasnâ€™t home but upon phoning at 8:15 p.m. I arranged to meet him at 10pm at Rolloâ€™s (in the parking lot). We ate dinner and arrived 25 minutes late. We were walking towards his van when he came walking up to us and about 35 seconds after getting used to his looks I knew we had found our drummer. Tom said, â€œWell, I guess this is fate.â€ We talked with him for awhile and he was a hell of a nice guy â€“ good laugh, heâ€™s not playing with any other group at the Moment, heâ€™s not too handsome or ugly by any means, not too tall, clean but not too goody-goody. In short, he agreed to be at Leeâ€™s house on Sunday at 1pm at 1053 NE 82nd Ave. Miami.
After he left Fred said, â€œwell, heâ€™s not what I expected. He has Ian Anderson boots on, a mustache, weird hair â€“ I donâ€™t like his appearance.â€ Tom said, â€œHeâ€™s perfect,â€ and I said, â€œI think heâ€™s perfect too.â€ I called Lee up and woke him up. It was about 11:20pm. At first Lee sounded like he was angry but it was only he was half-awake and by the time our 22 minute conversation was over we were laughing and joking. (Lee said for us to take the day off tomorrow as he sure was going to.)
Lee said we could deposit our money in his account and heâ€™d write us a check any time weâ€™d need it. That delighted me no end because I had considered that but was afraid to ask. Lee said we could come by at 12:30pm on Sunday. He said, â€œIf you want to, call me tomorrow and let me know how youâ€™re feeling about things.â€ I said, â€œDefinitely.â€ In case I hadnâ€™t mentioned it, I told him all about Jerry. Jerry has noble features. I slept in the van. Everything is great.
October 15th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ We went by the post office and there wasnâ€™t any mail for us. I sent a goodbye letter off to Paddy and I sent off a tape to Ted. We drove out to a guitar shop and I picked up a set of argentine guitar strings for $3.50. I drove out to the beach and as I did I figured that Iâ€™d drive to the beach by the Blue Waters just in case Maureen decided she wanted to go to the beach. We pulled up and parked, those guys went their separate ways and I stayed in the back of the van and cleaned my guitar and put the new strings on it. Just shortly after I finished I saw the fender of an orange-red Frat pull up and a horn honk and I looked out and saw Maureen and Barbara there. Barbara went out to the sand and Maureen and I talked for about 15 minutes until Tom came up.
Maureen said she had a note for me and that sheâ€™d take me to her place to get it later. We all talked. Tom and Fred too (with Barbara) and Barbara bought some beer (which we drank there) and then asked if weâ€™d like some stew. I drove back with Maureen and Barbara and those guys followed in the van. We arrived and I went out to play the guitar. Maureen came out and got the note and I read it. (Itâ€™s in the archives) and I was angry cause I felt like she was trying to pacify me. The dinner of beef stew was delicious after which I started playing Barbaraâ€™s recently acquired piano. Barbara went to work.
Maureen sat next to the piano and I talked with her I asked her if I could spend the night and she said, â€œTonight?â€ and I said, â€œYes,â€ and she said I could but was concerned where Tom and Fred would sleep. I made arrangements with her that I would stay with her. She fell asleep on the couch while the H.R.â€™s watched TV and at about 11:30 p.m. Tom was a sleep in the van and we sent Fred outside and Maureen and I took the van to the Airliner (the cocktail lounge Barbara works in.)
Barbara bought us each a coffee, Kahlua and whipped cream drink. The band was jazz and they were great! Given who I saw there â€“ Leeâ€™s partner Bob Davis having a drink with his secretary Dottie! Gossip!
Maureen and I stayed there until about 3:45am during which time I came on very strong with her. I told her constantly that I loved her and how â€œsomedayâ€ we would make love and made arrangements with her to go to India and Ireland for vacation when Iâ€™m rich. I asked her to not get married until after we had experienced each other. (I might mention that Maureen told me, when I met her at the beach today, how much I meant to her) â€“ [said sex isnâ€™t everything] and how much she appreciated my attentions to her when she was in the hospital. Well, we left the Airliner and we drove back to her place, with Tom in the back of the van, and before Tom and Fred could get settled in the living room for the night I had already made a B-line for Maureenâ€™s room, gotten undressed, except for my boxerâ€™s and gotten under the covers.
Before I was finished with my goals she came in (I heard her say goodnight to those guys) and said she was going to have a cigarette before she went to bed â€“ she had a cigarette and she sat on the bed next to me and we talked. Along about the time she finished her cigarette she said she wasnâ€™t really tired and she didnâ€™t know if she could fall asleep. I told her she should lie down and turn off the light. After I asked her to do it she got up and turned off the light and got into bed. We lay there talking. I kept getting as close as I could and determined not to ask her tonight but just to kiss her.
I waited until what I thought was the right Moment and I put two fingers on the far side of her face and before I could do anything she subtly resisted and I asked her what was wrong. She said she thought I was about to kiss her and I denied it, I said, â€œIf I was going to what would have been wrong with that?â€ and she said she just got embarrassed every time I tried to kiss her. She said that if I hadnâ€™t asked her to kiss me on that night we went out that she wouldâ€™ve felt more comfortable but as a consequence of me talking about it sheâ€™d always feel embarrassed about it.
I asked her if I could kiss her at that Moment and she kind of said yes but reluctantly and she was putting it off. I asked her again and she said no, then I asked her again and she said yes. I explained to her in a great many terms that the big problem was that she saw me as a potential boyfriend and I saw her as a friend. I told her that when I tried to kiss her she said to herself â€“ â€˜if I kiss him heâ€™ll get the wrong idea and Iâ€™ll get involved in an emotional way that I donâ€™t want to.â€™ I told her that she need not think that way because I had no desire to be her boyfriend and could never be her boyfriend. I told her I felt we were friends and that I wanted to kiss her as a matter of affection â€“ that I wanted to share and explore the duration of kisses with her. And I explained to her that as far as sex went the reason I wanted to make love to her was â€“ well maybe it wasnâ€™t ready now, but when a relationship of friendship between a boy and a girl reaches a point where they respected and admired and loved each other so much that the act of intercourse merely served as an outlet of expression, in the ultimate form, for this love.
She said she was amazed at how perceptive I was. I said, â€œMaureen, will you please kiss me as one act of our friendship â€“ as something of mutual exploration and pleasure. She conceded and we kissed â€“ and this time it was a real kiss. She said itâ€™s nice to be with a guy who is smarter than she is. I had my hand on her shoulder the whole time we were talking â€“ and/or we were always hand in hand or my arm across her waist. Then I just leaned over without saying anything and we kissed. And then we kissed again. And then we kissed again.
She said she was so surprised that I had gotten through to her â€“ that I had been able to surpass her natural barriers. She told me that the reason I was kissing her was because of my mind. She said most guys were dumb. I kept describing to her how I felt about her and how happy it made me to be with her and how happy I was that she was beginning to understand how I felt. I said, â€œMaureen, do you notice how every kiss gets better,â€ She said â€œYes.â€ I tried to kiss her and for some reason she backed off so I re-explained it all to her and then pursued the most pleasurable sensation.
She had kind of sat up and by now it felt so natural to kiss her that I put my head up to hers and ran my hand up and down her arm and side and we kissed and she kind of dropped to my side and we just lay there close kissing and pecking, with her hand around the back of my head and we were just there making out and I knew that for the first time she understood and I knew I had won her.
It was almost to the point that it felt so right that she was probably feeling the sexiness of the situation and if it had gone any farther at the Moment â€“ who knows â€“ it was getting light and she said, â€œLetâ€™s go watch the sunriseâ€ and I said, â€œGreat, we can have breakfast too!â€ We quickly got out of bed and in a few minutes we were in the van and we went to Toddle House where she bought me hot chocolate, then we drove out to the beach.
We went to a restaurant and had breakfast and my lack of sleep was really starting to affect me. I told her that she had to realize that if we went to Ireland and India weâ€™d be together all the day and that sheâ€™d probably fall in love with me. I asked her if she could handle that and she replied, â€œYes, it would/will be nice. I think I can handle that.â€ She said that sheâ€™d like to go to Ireland for about a month and to go to India for about 3 weeks. The entire night I had kept telling her that she loved me and at first she was saying, â€œYes, but not in the way you do meâ€ and at last she was just sort of saying â€œYes, I do love you.â€ We got back to the van and drove back to the house. God â€“ she looked so pretty! Maureen is 25-years old, blonde-hair, blue-green eyes, beautiful face, nice breasts, nice legs, about 5â€™5Â½â€ â€“ She appeared so beautiful to me!
I said Iâ€™d write to her and asked her that when I called her to go to Ireland, was she going to go â€“ and she said of course, as long as she was able. And she said that if we come to New York, say to cut an album that she will come down to visit with me, see the sights and spend a weekend with me (that weekend was my request.) When we got about Â½ a block from her house I pulled over and said, â€œThis is my last chanceâ€ and we kissed twice â€“ I went into her house and took off my clothes and crawled into her bed and went to sleep. It was about 9 am when I did that.
Diary, this whole little romance has made me realize a potential in myself, which is greater than I would have supposed from the outset of this endeavor. To have a girl throw herself at you is easy to turn into romance but to court and woo a beautiful woman has its rewards in the fact that every kiss and touch takes on a great meaning and pleasure. Every bit of your progress brings satisfaction, knowing that you are closer and closer to her heart and to the truth of your knowledge of romance and how one can make romance turn to his favorable advantage.
Maureen, I think is beautiful â€“ very pretty â€“ and from the outset she was so very far away from behaving as she did last night (this morning) and I have broken through to her heart. In Camelot they say, â€œHow to handle a woman?â€ â€“ â€œTo love her.â€ It is true. If you love â€“ all works itself out.â€
October 16th, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ I got up when Fred came in to wake me at about 11:30 a.m. â€“ I was still almost delirious with being tired but we got our things together. While I had been asleep Barbara, her black boyfriend, Larry, Tom, Fred and Maureen had all been in the living room (smoking pot) when Barbâ€™s Mom, Maureenâ€™s aunt walked in and was shocked and from what Tom and Fred told me, this woman told Larry to get out, which he didnâ€™t and took Maureen with her. I left a note with Barbara to give to Maureen saying that I would write and to believe all the nice things I said about her, because they were true. We drove to the beach, where I showered and we drove to Leeâ€™s house were we would stay from 12:40 p.m. that afternoon until about 11:40 p.m. that night. We arrived and I played a few songs to Lee on his request to clarify some points of discussion on Music lyrics. He said that he wanted to hear all the songs in the books and he really seemed to like the songs and noted the improvement of the early â€œLike Birds On Highâ€ to the other slow ballad, â€œIf We Tryâ€ â€“ recently written. He noted the excitement of â€œAnd Youâ€™ll Be True.â€
Jerry called to say heâ€™d be late and about the time I finished â€“ â€œAnd Youâ€™ll Be True,â€ Jerry came in. Jerry said he knew a place that we could practice for $15 a week, which heâ€™d have a report on by tomorrow night at 7pm when I should call him. We discussed dress, hair, appearance, philosophy of recording, music, Leeâ€™s position and Leeâ€™s business and partner Bob we discussed general direction of the group, goals, policy of the group and what are the first few steps to be taken â€“ rehearsal, job, recording. Lee said that we should cut a demo that is perfect because he plans to bring it to Columbia Records, and I suppose other recording companies. Jerry left at around 6:15 p.m. with his girlfriend, Daisy, who had been sitting in the other room.
Lee said that Jerry told him as they walked out that at first he had thought he had made a big mistake by even coming but now he felt confident that this thing is going to work. In other words, for Jerry, he is interested and ready to get to work and if that is the case then we have our drummer. Jerry is very opinionated but also agreeable. Lee told us that he likes Jerry and that he feels everything will work out with him and that he thinks Jerry fits in well with the rest of us.
Lee was supposed to go out to dinner, but he ended up canceling the engagement to preside over a big argument that popped up. I asked those guys about the spokesman thing and it was kind of cleared up but I said I didnâ€™t feel quite right about it and that I felt that it caused some ill feelings. But what caused the 3 hour ordeal we had was that I brought up the fact that Tom had several times tried to hit me and ka-boom â€“ the four of us were off and running. The first point was that I picked on Tom â€“ then it changed to the fact that Tom resented me for feeling I had made the largest contribution to the group, which he admitted â€“ and he said he felt all my organizing was trivial and my conception of the group was insignificant. Boy was I mad, and him at me also! It was awful! Finally, at around 11 p.m. (rather than go into how bad everything was, I will tell you what resolved it) I had my eyes closed for a while and I said, â€œI have something I want to say. Each person brings certain things to the group. Fred may be important sometimes because he keeps the morale up. Tom may help out by being generous. At times I may be elected to do something because my aggressive nature makes me most suitable to that job. Each member helps out in countless ways. One person may contribute more in one area, while the others contribute the greater amount in other areas. But when all these things are talked up, we each fulfill a full share in the group. If we need someone to sweet talk, maybe at one time Fred is the best for it. We need Tom to sing the high parts. We need me to play rhythm guitar.
We have been talking about the organizing duties as if they were all important â€“ as if they comprised 100% of the make-up of this band. Perhaps they are worth 10% of the composition of this band. But I think in this light you guys have to admit that I do most of the organizing â€“ perhaps 9/10thsâ€™s of it. But that is my contribution. The 9% that Tom adds by singing is just as important. Is this agreed?â€ â€“ and I was almost even congratulated by those guys for the astuteness of that statement.
That seemed to resolve everything and the three H.R.â€™s present put arms around each other, which pleased Lee, and then all four of us put our arms around each other. I said Iâ€™d call him at 3 p.m. tomorrow and me and the guys left, had hamburgers and went to our sleeping spot. I tried to stay up and write, but I felt so tired that I just popped off to bed. Rather than being called Spokesman Iâ€™d like to be known as organizer.
October 17th, 1977 -/
Monday â€“ Day â€“ Woke, wrote in diaries until about 2pm. Received bank statement – $1,235.22. Phoned Lee â€“ told him I thought spokesman was ridiculous â€“ that I want to be leader. Had a long discussion with Tom and Fred. Went to Miami Beach. Had spaghetti with wine. Talked to Jerry who said he has a friend with a 4-track recorder who can record like 7 songs for $30. Drank wine â€“ couldnâ€™t get a hold of Lee â€“ went to the airliner to see the jazz group but they werenâ€™t there so we went back to our sleeping grounds. I slept in the van.
October 18th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ Today I wrote letters to Christabelle, Giovanna, Maureen, Robin, Gammy and Mom. I told Lee that I insisted on being leader of the group and known as such and I think itâ€™s going to go through and I also think Tom is going to announce this to Lee at our next meeting. I called Lee again at about 10pm and he called Jerry in the midst of our conversation on his 3-way phone, but Jerry wasnâ€™t home yet so weâ€™ll have to wait until at least tomorrow. Lee informed me that a good friend of his might be ale to get us some free recording time at TK recording studio. I told him about our visit there. Lee also said that his office putting together a showcase â€“ mentioned us as a potential part of it. Lee and I laughed a lot on the phone today. The H.R.â€™s got high tonight compliments of Bob, a guy who kept buying us beers. Things feel fine!
October 19th, 1977 -/
(Staciâ€™s letter came back, wrong address.)
Wednesday â€“ You know, it is surprising how many people never realize the distinction between physical and sexual use of the human reproductive organs. There is, of course, only one sexual use and that is any act leading to intercourse between a man and a woman, on the other hand, many physical uses â€“ such as masturbation to sodomy have been employed.
What we did today â€“ Tom received $150 from his Mom. We got a letter from Ted â€“ Surprise â€“ he sayâ€™s heâ€™ll help us!!! So weâ€™ve got to discuss this with Lee. Had a great lunch â€“ Crepe Mornay â€“ (Seafood). Talked to Jerry who says that if everything goes O.K. heâ€™ll have the key to the rehearsal hall by tomorrow night â€“ and for $30 to $50 his friend will come in and record us to our satisfaction. To see Lee tomorrow night at his house. Dinner at McDonalds. Sent letters.
October 20th, 1977 //
Thursday â€“ I had breakfast at our local coffee shop and went to the library where I pulled out my world map and figured out where I want my mansion in Australia and our headquarters in Montana between in Yellowstone and Bozeman and 4 islands on the Tropic of Cancer and 4 on the Tropic of Capricorn and a head quarters between Sudan, Ethiopia and Kenya for safaris.
We had lunch â€“ I had cottage cheese and pineapple and we went to the beach, where I slept. At 7pm we arrived at Leeâ€™s. Lee had pizza and beer for us. He drove up just shortly before we did and there was still a note on his car from â€œDadâ€ to â€œMy Three Sons.â€ â€“ it was funny. He told us straight off that a junior partner in his office has a 16-track mix board and a 4-track recorder and that we can use it for free I told him about the letter from Ted and he said â€œgreatâ€ and that tomorrow heâ€™d send Ted a letter on his stationary!
I wrote Ted a short note and gave it to Lee to insert in the letter and gave Lee the letter Ted had sent me. Lee said, â€œFor as long as I live if you guys ever come to me and need anything I will help.â€ â€“ when I asked him to define his relationship with the group. We had a call from Jerry and Jerry asked Tom, Fred and me if we wanted to work starting Monday for $3/hour each and help him landscaping. I said â€œyesâ€ we would.
I played Lee about 2/3rds of our latest 17 songs and Lee liked them, especially â€“ â€œAnd Youâ€™ll Be True,â€ â€œOr Itâ€™s Goodbye For Us,â€ â€œI Donâ€™t Like Being Used,â€ â€œHold On I Wonâ€™t Be Long,â€ â€œItâ€™s All For Freeâ€ and â€œIâ€™ll Do It For You.â€ We gave Lee our wash and are to pick it up at 6pm tomorrow. Tom gave Lee $100 to hold and Lee gave Fred $20 and me $5. We said our goodbyes and left at about midnight. Jerry is supposed to find out about the hall tomorrow and perhaps Lee will find out about TK and Iâ€™m supposed to call Lee at 4pm tomorrow.
October 21st, 1977 -/
Friday â€“ We were scheduled to pick up our laundry at Leeâ€™s today at 6pm and when we did it gave him a chance to go into more detail about the developments occurring today than he had a chance to on the phone with me. He gave us the requested copy of the letter he sent to Ted and told us about his conversation with a man named Cory from TK records. Leeâ€™s friend Doug from downstairs is his office building gave Lee, Coryâ€™s phone number and when Lee called him and mentioned reduction in studio time Cory laughed and when he changed that to free studio time Cory laughed and Lee said, â€œSerious! Now Coryâ€ and then Cory said, â€œletâ€™s have lunch together on Monday.â€ â€“ and so on Monday theyâ€™re supposed to have lunch. Went by to see Bill Marcus Quartet â€“ talked to Barbara but $3 cover charge prevented us going in.
October 22nd, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ The weather was awful outside today â€“ we went to the post office but there was no mail for us. We went to the Library and I started reading Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens â€“ how I love his books â€“ every time I read his books I get full of compassion and love for other people. I thought of Maureen and how much I love her â€“ itâ€™s such a strong feeling because she is the nicest kindest girl Iâ€™ve ever met. And I thought of Denise and I thought it appropriate to record that I love her more than any other girl I will ever know or have known because she is so true. We suffered a disappointing day as we could not get a hold of Jerry and Lee had no news for us. It was such bad weather that we got a hotel room for $8.48 and spent the night under a safe roof. Fred went out and got some apple pie and ice cream for us before we went to bed.
October 23rd, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ Today was a raunchy day overall (uh-oh! Looks like we might have a string of bad ones!!!) We found out through Lee that the rehearsal hall Jerry was supposed to get is probably not going to be available. The H.R.â€™s awoke at the hotel â€“ had a large lunch. I read a lot of Oliver Twist today and decided that I would write to Maureen as soon as I completed Oliver Twist â€“ that is my reward! We went over and talked with Lee for about an hour. The way it looks right now for the Romantics is that Lee cannot really do much for us until we can give him a great demo to push. There is one important thing in progress at this point, which is that tomorrow Tom, Fred and I are supposed to start working with Terry tomorrow. Weâ€™re supposed to report at 7:30am tomorrow morning at 140 NE 160th St. Miami. Had an awful sleep!! But Iâ€™m still happy!!!!
October 24th, 1977 //
Monday â€“ Would you believe it? We were up at 6:30am todayâ€¦ reported to work at 7:30am â€“ worked until 11:30 p.m. at night and on the 50 mile drive back home had trouble with the truck and then the police caused even more delay and we didnâ€™t end up back at the nursery office until 3:09am Oct 25th!! This is the hardest days work Iâ€™ve ever put in my life. Itâ€™s 5:20am Oct. 25th now and I still havenâ€™t gone to sleep and weâ€™re supposed to be at work at 8am today! For one thing itâ€™s raining outside everyday for the last few days, which makes sleeping outside slightly more difficult!! Then I had to take a shower and even more important than sleep is to record here in my diary. I think of Maureen often. I see something especially wonderful in that girl. I hope I donâ€™t drop from exhaustion tomorrow on the job!!
October 25th, 1977 //
Tuesday â€“ Got to work beat. Tom lost the keys to the big truck so officially we didnâ€™t start until 11am although we were up at 8:20am. We worked until 9pm at night and afterwards we got a 6 pack of tall Millerâ€™s and were drinking one when one Bill Meyer parked his ex-mail truck next to us (Step-van) and invited us in for a drink and we got 2 joints (he did) on the way to his house where we spent the night. He rents his house for only $175 a month! Heâ€™s a super nice guy!! I made up my mind tonight that I am going to call Staci within a week â€“ instead of getting Lisa to drop off the letter at her house. I love Staci and believe as foolish as it may sound that she loves me too. I believe my best move is to call from Leeâ€™s house Iâ€™m sure heâ€™ll give me permission. Weâ€™ve been working out butts off the last 2 days. Oh yes, I made another romantic vow to myself that when I finish the last page of Oliver Twist Iâ€™ll write Maureen again.
October 26th, 1977 //
Wednesday â€“ Today we worked 11 hours from 7:56am to 7:30pm (with a lunch break). Well diary, now when I phone Staci Iâ€™ve got something to tell her!!! The Hopeless Romantics are playing at the University of Miami at the Rathskeller on November 18-19th for $450!!! Lee told me this tonight on the phone. I could scarcely believe my ears that Lee had arranged a job without having an audition for a group that hasnâ€™t played for 2 months and never rehearsed with the drummer! Leeâ€™s great! Thanks Lee! Plus, Lee says heâ€™ll be working the lights for us! And we get to use the sound system there, and they like original music and we can play as loud as we like. I canâ€™t wait to phone Staci and the more I think of it the more I remember how strong my feelings are for her! I canâ€™t wait to call my Dad again to say, â€œwell Dad, we have a manager now, a drummer, a job landscaping and are playing at the Rathskeller on November 18th and 19th at the University of Miami for $450!!!!!
October 27th, 1977 //
Thursday â€“ Today, as for the last four, we awoke directly with the sun and spent the day landscaping for $3 an hour. At 6:30pm we got off and went to Bellâ€™s house, who let us in. We got drunk and stoned and had a good time with him. Now, the important thing is that we worked a deal out with him that we can stay here until Thanksgiving and weâ€™ll give him $100 and pay for electricity. The house, dear reader, is ideal. It is the closest house from the corner â€“ is only about 2 miles from our work â€“ has a yard, etc. Near the house is an excellent restaurant â€“ the Royal Castle â€“ a gas station across the street â€“ the freeway 1 block away and a place to get beer and milk across the street â€“and for all that itâ€™s a quiet neighborhood! (Except for the cars rushing by!) I talked to Lee tonight, who was quite upset because his business with Bob Davis is doing terribly and they are facing a major crisis today â€“ the phones are being shut off for a $3000 phone bill. I offered to give Lee $1,200 but he turned it down, but he thanked me very much.
Lee was very upset but we went over his troubles on the phone and by the time we had gotten off the phone I think he at least felt better knowing that he had a friend that really cared. We talked for about 1Â½ hours. When I first called him I was pretty well, drunk. I was extremely nice to Lee â€“ didnâ€™t contradict but once the entire time and I was very reassuring and confidence building and told him over and over the noblest things I could think of.
October 28th, 1977 -/
Friday â€“ A change totally for the better in all events â€“ for here I lay on a bed with my blanket Denise made for me â€“in a room in our house I got paid $94 for working M-T-Wednesday and we worked again today from 7:40am to 6:30pm. We changed our minds about work today after we got paid. Weâ€™re staying at Billâ€™s house â€“ we had a great meal at the Royal Castle â€“ a greasy spoon restaurant â€“ a hot shower directly after work. Wednesday we are supposed to have our first practice with Terry and on Sunday Tom, Fred and I are supposed to rehearse for the first time in nearly 2 months â€“ shy by one week. So â€“ our situation is now this: We have a manager, a drummer, a job, an engagement planned and a house to stay at (Oh yes â€“ Bill maybe leaving at the end of the month, November, and we may be able to stay on at $175 a month.) Iâ€™d say things look very rosy right now for the H.R.â€™s.
It suddenly hit me today how much I like Staci and my heart began yearning for her. I determined to call her Sunday morning. The H.R.â€™s decided under my direction that weâ€™ll learn 40 songs for the gig on November 18th, and weâ€™ll learn 10 new originals, weâ€™ll add to those 10 old rock tunes, 10 tunes Jerry suggests and 10 tunes of our Murillo set which are more contemporary â€“ say Honkey Tonk Women, Plain Shame, Jumpinâ€™ Jack Flash, Steetwalker, Saturday Nights Alright For Fightinâ€™, Birthday, and others.
So, in essence, 20 songs from Murillo and 20 new ones. We played a bit tonight as those guys gathered around me while I was playing out of our song books.
New subject. Diary, a very noticeable change has come over me. Iâ€™ll walk into a store and buy whatever I want and not worry about the money!! Iâ€™ll try to be a forgiving friend!! I say what I want when I want!! â€“ I act nuttier and more confident â€“ I do more what I want. I seem to be getting more of what used to be my old knack at having fun â€“ but in new abundances!!
October 29th, 1977 //
Saturday â€“ Today â€“ worked â€“ AGAIN! â€“ from 7:33 am until 6:56 p.m. After work we drove to Leeâ€™s where we gave him a pep talk to drag him from his misery over a business going awry and we picked up our musical equipment. I was so tired and am so tired as result of the past 6 days work â€“ 70 hours all totaled â€“ that you would not believe it â€“ I am so tired it is beyond my description â€“ my legs, eyes, knees, feet â€“ theyâ€™re all close to dead!
I finished reading Oliver Twist today â€“ great book! Great book! I went over a song which I wrote just while I was trying to sleep last night called For You and I and Love and I think itâ€™s one of the best, most romantic rock songs ever written â€“ I wrote the lyrics also â€“ that makes 102 songs. I was invited to go down to the Florida Keys for fishing but I told Ron at work that I had to rehearse which we plan to stat tomorrow.
Thinking again about Staci â€“ Jesus, I love her so much and feel so much for her â€“ the things she told me about her background fill my head and make me want to be good to her. Iâ€™ll call her Monday morning instead of Sunday for I have to arrange how to pay the charge. I called Dad and told him â€“
1) Iâ€™ve got a place to stay
2) Got a drummer and manager
3) Got a job landscaping and
4) Got a job playing at the university in November.
Everyone is fine and wondering how Iâ€™m doing.
October 30th, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ Ah!! A day of rest. We didnâ€™t do much save relax. It is wonderful. I wrote up a list of songs we can do at the Rathskeller. We practiced quite a bit. We mainly worked on â€œItâ€™s All For Free,â€ â€œAnd Youâ€™ll Be Trueâ€ and my new hit â€œFor You and I and Love.â€ Hockridge nearly had a shit over the song when he heard it for the first time today. He said it was great â€“ and you know? Heâ€™s right!!! We had a marvelous dinner, which Fred cooked â€“ meatloaf, potatoes and corn and lots of milk, and got food enough for about 4-5 days. We found out a weird occurrence today â€“ Bill, the guy weâ€™re living with has a shotgun and it was found 35 feet from where he keeps it, in a plastic bag. Someone was probably carrying it and other things out of the house when Tom, Fred and I were coming in a few nights ago! Scary!! I want to call Staci tomorrow. I want so badly for her to receive my call â€“ graciously.
October 31st, 1977 -/
Monday â€“ We were given this day off â€“ and it was well, for a lot needed to be done and was done domestically and personally for myself and the Hopeless Romantic crew. There is so much to write â€“ it must be nearing midnight and I have to wake up early â€“ and I hope I have the stamina to stay awake long enough to complete the task. In brief, I talked to Staci on the phone, received 2 letters from Maureen and her picture, I got a money order for my bank, got keys made, brought Oliver Twist back, and picked up copies of Pickwick Papers, x-mas Tales, and The Old Atrocity Shop, all by Dickens. I wrote Maureen a letter, wrote Staci a letter and had a million thoughts of all good sorts running through my had today â€“ ideas, sociological revelations and on top of all that we practiced extensively on Itâ€™s All For Free, For You and I and Love, When I Get Restless and And Youâ€™ll Be True.
In detail. First event. I called up Staci at 904-824-6127. Valinda answered the phone. When Staci came on I said, â€œStaci? Do you remember Jeff Shea?â€ She let out a yell and said of course and seemed excited and very happy to hear from me. I first asked her what her proper address was and she said that it was Rt. 4 Box 454 â€“ so I discovered that I had left out the â€œRt. 4â€ part of the address when I tried to write her. When we had gotten that out of the way she said, â€œDo you have to go now?â€ I said, â€œNo, we can talk a few minutes.â€ I told her all about what I was doing and she told me she was getting together with a drummer and another musician. Among the things she said were, â€œEvery time I see a green van (referring to the fact we have a green van!) my eyes grow real wide!â€ and â€œI just canâ€™t believe you called.â€ â€“ in her sweet southern accent.
I told her that if she wasnâ€™t famous by the time I made it, that I would make her famous. I said, â€œStaci, will you promise to write,â€ and she promised she would. I was ecstatic when I got off the phone and I went to Lumâ€™s to sit and have coffee while Fred finished his breakfast there. Fred and I drove to the post office in Miami, where, much to my surprise I got 2 letters from Maureen. I did not open them until later. Fred and I went to a parking lot by the library. I went in and got 3 Dickinâ€™s books. Then I got a money order for $14.78 bringing my account balance to $1,250.00. Then we got house key copies and returned home. Tom meanwhile, was sick. We practiced until and after dinner and then at about 10pm I laid down to write to Staci and Maureen. Oh, Diary â€“ how I love them both, so much! I wrote 2 pages to Staci and was sweet to her. Then I wrote 2 pages to Maureen and was loving to her very much!! Then I felt it was O.K. to read her letters.
When I read her letters it was almost more than I could take!! She said she was available and wished her and I could get together. She wrote she was losing 15 lbs for me and that I was welcome to come stay at her place in Worcester. Oh, diary, I thought I liked Staci but my love for Maureen was absolutely overwhelming!! Oh-God-I-Love-Her! I couldnâ€™t help myself but had to write 2 more pages of out and out love. Oh God!!! I must see her!! I wish Staci could come stay with me! Maureen is so kind and gentle!! Well, I was enraptured after that! I got out my scrapbook on love and made a spot for (Staci &) Maureen â€“ She sent me a picture of herself, which I didnâ€™t think was too good until Nelson walked in, and said, â€œHey, thatâ€™s a great picture of Maureen.â€ I went to bed more in love and more conscious of what love is all about then ever before in my life.
November 1st, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Awoke, went back to sleep, awoke, went back to sleep, until at last Fred brought in breakfast to me, which more or less go the day started. Punched in at 7:50 a.m. and we worked, and worked and worked until 8:25 p.m. It was an experience. It got in a real unique frame of mind during the latter part of the work day, maybe from exhaustion or for whatever but I started singing and all of a sudden I felt like a king, as if all of life were like a sweet banquet from which to feast, as if all around me were there for my investigation, amusement and enjoyment. It was an, and I mean this word literally, an incredible experience. We went home and ate and Hock and I had a great talk and eventually ironed out some personal conflicts, which have been bothering us for sometime. Stayed up late to write in diary.
November 2nd, 1977 -/
Wednesday â€“ Today we got up as usual â€“ ho hum! â€“ at 7 am and worked until 6:30 p.m. But the pay was all $4.50 an hour â€“ (overtime) so it made it more worthwhile. I got the money order for the rent during our workday and I also got copies of the letters I am going to send to Maureen and Staci. When we got home we were exhausted but we washed our clothes and ate dinner and then tried to practice, but we were all so tired that it was no use. On top of our exhaustion the boss expects us at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow â€“ this job is ridiculous. I tried to call Lee tonight but I couldnâ€™t get an answer. This job, Diary, is very detrimental to the pursuit of our music. We make jokes all day about Ken Jones, and about our job. The whole situation is really rather ridiculous. Jerry bothers me when I am working as hard as anyone else and he tells me Iâ€™m loafing! My voice is thrown out.
November 3rd, 1977 â€“-
I called Lee again tonight and he said we should practice with Jerry as soon as possible to determine if he was to be our drummer since Lee wants to take some publicity pictures of us. Lee said he knew it seemed like he was neglecting us but that he was so upset over his business that he just couldnâ€™t handle anything else at the Moment. I told him I would call him tomorrow at the office, mid-afternoon at which time he should know when we are to sign the contract for the Rathskellar.
November 4th, 1977 â€“-
Today was Tom and Fredâ€™s last day at work. Yesterday was mine. We all got $141 for last week and $32 for yesterday. Itâ€™s fantastic. We all have lots of money now! Itâ€™s great. I called Lee and he wasnâ€™t able to get the contract from the Rathskellar but he more or less promises to have it completed Monday or Tuesday morning. Heâ€™s still depressed. I wish heâ€™d break out of it, although heâ€™s got reason enough to be in it, (his depression) because we need to get a lot of stuff done!
November 5th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today was the first day off for those guys and second for me. You know I cut my own hair yesterday and I think it looks great. Itâ€™s not long and itâ€™s not short. Itâ€™s trim but itâ€™s not â€œsquareâ€ â€“ itâ€™s hip. You know thereâ€™s only one things I can really find wrong with my looks that is not so trivial that it can be changed easily and not so beyond repair that it canâ€™t be changed â€“ the spaces between my front teeth â€“ besides that I am pretty good looking â€“ at times handsome. The solution would be braces â€“ but I think itâ€™s too late â€˜cause soon weâ€™ll be performing all the time â€“ braces are out of the question.
On the other hand 2 caps on my front teeth would require destoying my real teeth and that is out of the question â€“ so I guess Iâ€™m stuck with these spaces â€“ just a note that Iâ€™d like my front teeth closer together and the
marks on my back cleared up. Other than those changes I think my body will be healthy enough and attractive enough to get me by and get me where I want to go. Iâ€™m not kidding about my desire and dream to be the greatest lover in the world. Iâ€™d like to define here what â€œgreatest lover in the worldâ€ means to me to be â€“ what it entails (in my dreams) is to make love to more women than any other man â€“ to have affairs with the most beautiful women on earth â€“ to have the greatest understanding of love than any other person on earth and to lead society to this understanding I have. Love.
Today we practiced for a long time. Itâ€™s a great pleasure for me to see us so willing to work so hard for the common end of becoming famous. I want to have every song as well rehearsed for the Rathskellar as Energy was for the K101 show. The only other important news I have for the day is that I think a lot about Staci (and Maureen too but today Staci won out.) Itâ€™s great. I think about asking her to come to visit me. As soon as I get a copy of the letter made Iâ€™ll send it off directly. I so want to see her. But it is great because I am the aggressor and cannot get hurt. Every move I make carries joy with it and also kindness, love, understanding. I canâ€™t wait to see her.
November 6th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ We practiced tonight for the first time tonight with Jerry Bissett. Iâ€™d say it went well. Jerry didnâ€™t hear any voices because we didnâ€™t have our PA system but nevertheless things seemed to go well. We liked his drumming â€“ what he felt about our music is his secret. We practiced many other hours today â€“ Tom and Fred did some on their own. I rousted Lee Pittman â€“ he thinks his whole business is collapsing and he may not be able to help us after all â€“ this is an awful attitude! We, the H.R.â€™s are very happy here in Florida â€“ from a little over a month ago we have acquired a house, a manager, a drummer, about $275 each and a playing engagement for $450. Yes, our neighborhood is actually pleasant and the weather is phenomenal for November. Before I awoke I had a dream (morning of the 7th) that I was making love to a beautiful light haired girl. I was just theater â€“ easy as pie â€“ confident as ever â€“ having the time of my life. It was so real.
November 7th, 1977 â€“-
Monday. Dear Diary, honesty prevails. I have got to meet a girl that I make love to â€“ Iâ€™m really starting to wonder what it is like to have sex â€“ it has been so long â€“ itâ€™s the longest I have gone without sex since January of 1975. It has been nearly 4 months. Iâ€™ve got to get on the ball!!!
Fred and I went into town today and I mailed letters off to Staci and Maureen. We went by Leeâ€™s house and had a talk with him and things seem to be going better for him. We picked up our PA system and we got the remainder of our money from Lee. Fred and I went shopping and we returned home. After a good dinner we practiced awhile and stayed up until about 1am. I ate like a pig tonight and have been doing so lately. It is one of the pleasures of keeping your own house!
Weâ€™ve been getting high a lot lately and I keep wanting to sit down with those guys and have a re-evaluation of exactly where we are heading.
November 8th, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Today, well, I donâ€™t know how to say it â€“ great things are in the making â€“ yet â€“ problems arising â€“ Lee called today and said he had good news and bad news. The bad news is that we arenâ€™t playing at the Rathskellar anymore and the good news is that he got us a job on a cruise liner to Nassau, San Juan â€“ Puerto Rico, and St. Thomas â€“ all islands in the Caribbean. Our cabins, food and movies are all paid for and at the end of every week we get $125 each in non-taxable cash. The only thing we have to pay for is cigarettes and drinks. The job starts December 4th and ends January 1st and is on a large, brand-new liner called the Mardi Gras.
There is supposed to be a good chance weâ€™ll get another month going to San Juan and the Virgin Islands for the month of January. Naturally we were very, very ecstatic and happy our new position and opportunity. Now the problems â€“ if this job is for sure â€“ great! â€“ but we have no way of knowing it might get cancelled. Bill has already loaned us money for this months rent, or rather we are obliged to give him $175 which will pay our rent through December. But during December weâ€™ll be on the ship. Therefore after discussing it with Bill we have determined that should this job be for sure that weâ€™ll have to find someone to sublet the house from us and give us $175. 2nd problem is that, as we foresaw, when Jerry called (to tell us he couldnâ€™t make it to practice tonight) and I told him about the job he said he couldnâ€™t do it. So now we have to find a drummer.
Diary, I am very concerned about keeping this job. It is an opportunity of a lifetime and it could fall through at anytime.
Oh â€“ a few more particulars about the job â€“
No. 1 â€“ is that we get Monday, Wednesday and Thursdayâ€™s off.
No. 2 – is that we can use the discotheque on the boat to practice all day if we need to â€“ oh diary â€“ itâ€™s too good to be true â€“ almost.
I hope it comes through. Weâ€™ve got 20 songs rehearsed as of today. Thereâ€™s another problem Lee doesnâ€™t seem to be in the best of humors lately â€“ every time I call him I feel like he is unhappy that I called â€“ itâ€™s as if heâ€™s lost his respect for me â€“ either that or heâ€™s treating everyone like that these days. Itâ€™ll pass Iâ€™m sure.
November 9th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ The people who are going to give us this gig on the boat want a tape and a picture of the group â€“ Jerry came by tonight and all we did was talk and he said he simply would not do the job cause it would mean loss of security for him. It always surprises me, to be â€œsecureâ€ it is a requirement that you must remain constantly insecure to insure that you wonâ€™t lose your security. But Jerry gave us the address of Mike Cohen, a 21 year old drummer, medium height, medium good looking, medium build, wants to play drums, just got done with a gig and quit the group and is looking for work. Me and Hock are going to ride down to his house tomorrow morning. We cashed our checks today â€“ now I have $200 cash and I got a letter from Gram. â€œAnd Youâ€™ll Be Trueâ€ is such a hit!!!
You know, I donâ€™t trust banks. Well, I hope that is cleared up soon!!! A bright note of today is that I receive a letter from Maureen and she says she missed me and says I can come to visit her and sheâ€™d like to stay with me. Oh God! How I wish she would have stayed here. Weâ€™d make love real well together (which is probably one of the other reason Iâ€™m uptight â€“ because Iâ€™m horny!) So I wrote Maureen a beautiful letter back. I canâ€™t wait to make love to her. Jerry came over to practice but we didnâ€™t get through 2 songs because I was in such a bad way. These are the best years of my life. My body is now very beautiful and I donâ€™t want to waste it. I should be sleeping with someone. I shouldnâ€™t be alone. Some nice girl â€“ God â€“ Iâ€™m in the mood!!! Itâ€™s so easy to fall in love when youâ€™re sex starved. Drummer, drummer, where art thou? Somethingâ€™s got to break for me! Life has never let me be miserable for long â€“ it has to make me happy soon. Writing a great song will help. Luck â€“ come.
November 10th, 1977 -/
Thursday â€“ I am in one of my â€œfuck it allâ€ moods â€“ and excuse my language but I find it appropriate. I am really sick and tired of searching for drummers. Mike Cohen was perfect but he is opening up a music shop in a few days so he canâ€™t do it! It is simply not worth worrying about. Iâ€™m in the kind of mood right now that I donâ€™t care if I ever hear of the Hopeless Romantics again! Maybe what has set this whole thing off is that I got a letter from Mr. Madsen at my bank and he said, â€œYes. Your deposit of $14.78 puts your balance at $125!â€ Well my balance is $1,250 so he shorted me but $1,125 and I wonâ€™t rest until I am assured that everything is all right. I am going to call him tomorrow!! I think that is what is at the basis of all this agitation I am undergoing. Fuck! $1,250 is a lot!!!
November 11th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Todayâ€¦ what did we do today? Well, in the morning I went immediately to the post office and sent Mr. Madsen at the bank a copy of my bank statement which was $1,235.22 and a copy of my recent deposit slip of $14.78 which proves I have $1,250.00 â€“ not $125.00. I also sent Maureen the love letter I wrote yesterday â€“oh- how wonderful is love. I also enclosed in my letter to Mr. Madsen a money order for $25 which brings my account balance to $1,275. When I got back Chuck Ullman was there and being an applicant for our drummer, he talked with us for awhile and we said weâ€™d play next week together. Tom and Fred went to get haircuts at Leeâ€™s barber and I cleaned house. Carl Cruz, another possible drummer, failed to show up as scheduled, and we practiced without him from 8:15 to 10:15 p.m. It was our most productive practice to date. A guy called up from the university today in response to our add. His name is Mike Rogers and heâ€™s 19 and he sounds good.
November 12th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today was a 3 star day for the Romantics. We started on a practice schedule â€“ from 11am-1pm 3pm-5pm, 7pm-9pm everyday. Today we got more work done than ever (in the last week since we started practicing again). This morning I was so disgusted with our inability to secure a drummer that I took out the Beatles 1st album and did a mathematical computation which rendered our drummer would have to be 18 or 19 years old. Mike Rogers, the 19 year old came over tonight and he worked out great â€“ his drumming was great and he said heâ€™d help us on Monday to record. Heâ€™ll be over at 4pm and he agreed to do the job. Tom and I went to a bar and watched a band that was so good â€“ but they were terrible because they didnâ€™t have any charisma.
It is funny â€“ the only other thing I have to say in this entry has to do with my love for Maureen. It is great to be in love (even if it has to be my mail) with someone like Maureen. She is so responsive to my words and actions it is a first for me. A love like this could grow to limitless bounds â€“ I plan to explore this to its limits. It is apparent when I write her how much I love her and it changes the way she feels â€“ I have an effect on her. Knowing and feeling and sensing, limitless, like I do â€“ I have a girl, which will be able to feel so happy because she accepts it.
She says, â€œcan you come and visit me?â€ She asks â€œmaybe I can come and stay with you.â€ It is great. She makes me anticipate our happiness, â€œWe will be happyâ€ â€“ she says â€“ she means it to. Sheâ€™s got a naÃ¯ve character about her that is absolutely wonderful. I think Iâ€™m making her believe that it will be wonderful. What an ideal situation â€“ with other people are reciprocating a love. I donâ€™t think I could get mad at her at all â€“ or if I did it wouldnâ€™t be for more than a few minutes because she would do something that would make me love her.
November 13th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ Today the ad went in the paper and we got call after call. There were three people in particular with which I was impressed â€“ one was Mike Shallice, one Mike Water and most of all, a guy from England named Don Rainey â€“ he was most impressive â€“ heâ€™s 20 years old â€“ and he called about midnight and we talked about success, fame, fortune and the like. Heâ€™s into hard rock a little more than our music calls for but we will see. We took pictures today in the park for the cruise, rather, Lee took them and Tom, Fred and I posed. It was pretty fun but I was yet a little groggy from partying last night. I traded away my ski jacket, a shirt Denise gave me and a sweater with Bill Meyer (the guy weâ€™re living with) and in return I got a real bitchinâ€™ sweater and a shirt I love. I love trading clothes. Well, now weâ€™ve got so many drummers we donâ€™t know what to do with them. What a change.
November 14th, 1977 -/
Monday â€“ Today was as hectic as hell. We started practicing at 10:15am and Mike Waters, a potential drummer came by and we liked him so much that we asked him to help us do the recording tonight. Now I called Mike Rogers, the 19 year old who was supposed to help us do it and I told him there was not going to be any recording tonight and that Iâ€™d call him back and let him know when it would be. It was a white lie. Well, it turned out to be a mistake because Mike Waterâ€™s turned out to be a terrible drummer. (The English drummer was supposed to come by at 3:30 p.m. but never showed up).
Lee and his office partner Mike came by at around 7 p.m. and by this time I had thrown my voice out â€“ it was awful â€“ and so was the recording. By midnight we had finished and the tape itself was worthless. My voice was so impaired I could hardly talk. During the recording, Don Rainey called and said that he was very sorry he didnâ€™t make it, gave a reasonable explanation and apologized for 15 minutes. It was really nice of him to do so and all the more confirmed in my mind that he will end up being our drummer and I kept saying he would be our drummer to Lee, Tom and Fred for the rest of the night. Fred went to the store when we had finished recording and Lee told him to get me some honey, tea and lemon for my throat. When Fred got back Lee was in his car and Tom and I were talking to him outside.
Lee is an awfully nice guy and all of us respect him tremendously. Well, Tom, Fred and I ended up talking, after everyone had left, until about 5 am. It was a great talk and I read them excerpts from my events log in my Success Volume; it was entertaining and interesting. I told those guys I was going to marry Maureen but (well, this is a surprise, huh?, but Iâ€™m not being serious) I explained I was going to have my own country and thousands of wives, and Maureen was going to be the first. As awful as the tape was I think it looks like we are going to get the job on the boat anyway. Now â€“ Iâ€™m just making a mental note â€“ perhaps â€œhoneyâ€ increases sex drive.
Tonight I ate 4 oz of beeâ€™s honey to sooth my vocal cords and I noticed when I went to bed I was so horny I couldnâ€™t believe it. Perhaps all the sugar gives you more energy. Itâ€™d like to try eating a whole lot of honey next time Iâ€™m making love to a girl and see if it intensifies sex.
November 15th, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Today Don Rainey the potential drummer was supposed to come by, but his friend, Kevin called up and tells me heâ€™s sorry, sorry, sorry but their car broke down and theyâ€™ll be here at the latest tomorrow. Don himself called up this evening. Now last night I swore to Lee up and down that Don was going to be perfect in every way, shape and form â€“ I said I had this â€œfeelingâ€ â€“ you know, a premonition. So tonight I found out more and more that I was right. For example, during Donâ€™s and my Â½ hour on the phone tonight I discovered heâ€™s about 5â€™10â€, 148 lbs, brown hair, young looking. Everything about him checks out ideally. While I was talking to him I made all sorts of gestures to Tom, who was sitting by, to inform him of the good news. Don put his friend Andy on the phone, an Englishman who is preparing to return to England on Monday. Andy is going to see if he can set up gigs for us in May in England. All of the friends of Don sound like theyâ€™re 100% behind him and excited about our group â€“ since weâ€™ve come all the way from California it proves in their minds that we are dedicated. So tomorrow we are supposed to meet him, probably a little past non. Lee told Tom over the phone that the tape we recorded last night was so bad that he is not using any of it. Instead, he is going to see what he can do with the tape that we recorded in Canada with Paddy Mallon.
Tom and Fred went down to Coral Gables today and got the proof sheet of the photos we shot on Sunday. They met with Lee, picked out 3 they thought were good and had them blown up to 8â€ x 10â€. They will be ready to pick up tomorrow. When I saw which ones they picked I was displeased. My voice is slowly recuperating since last night. A drummer named Mike Shallis came by this morning. When Tom came in my room to wake me up to meet him I faked like I was sick and I said I couldnâ€™t get out of bed. Tom came back in and said the guy wanted to play a few tunes but I repeated the above and the guy left. You see, I am sick of talking to drummers, and on top of that, now I think itâ€™s unnecessary because I believe, though Iâ€™ve never seen him, that Don Rainey will be the guy Mike Waters called but Tom told him that weâ€™re not practicing and maybe weâ€™d call him tomorrow.
Mike Waters is awfully eager to play with us and I fear it is going to be disappointing when we tell him weâ€™ve chosen someone else. We practiced a little tonight and then I asked those guys to help me pick out some turns to embellish our song list. We picked out about 35 tunes. I tell you, diary, that I am quite excited about Don Rainey and Co. It is going to work out. The only thing we havenâ€™t checked out is looking at him and music, and I know that my premonition will see us through those.
November 16th, 1977 -/
Wednesday â€“ Well, I was right â€“ 300%. Don Rainey is absolutely ideal. He is handsome, same height as me, yet slightly lighter, heâ€™s ambitious and itâ€™s all set. Weâ€™re going to the top. He came by with his friend Kevin, today at about 1pm. I, Tom and Fred weâ€™re all impressed in the extreme. He left at about 5pm. He wants to have a meeting with us four, Lee, and his friend Andy. I know I have said often that a drummer seems right but I stress here that it doesnâ€™t â€œseemâ€ â€“ it is right and will be. Lee made up a tape today, which was comprised of the tunes we recorded in Canada â€“ it sounded fine as he played it over the phone. After Don left, I called all the guys who had responded to our ads and I told them that we had found the right guy, and that I thanked them for inquiring. The guy who took it the hardest was Mike Waters.
When he came over to get his drums tonight he seemed to almost be trying to convince me he was the right guy and I felt bad for him. He said that it felt so right with us and he had thought everything was going to work out. â€“ Don called me at almost midnight and he said, â€œHow much are we getting, by the way?â€ I replied the amount and he said, â€œGreat, well that about clears up my financial difficulties, so when do we practice tomorrow?â€ I said, â€œYou want to practice tomorrow?â€ He said, â€œSure. Weâ€™re in a band, now, right? And weâ€™ve got to practice!â€ How impressed I was!!
So we set practice for 2 p.m. Everything is great. Now we finally have the unit weâ€™ve always needed and for which Iâ€™ve been searching since I conceived the idea. Jeff, Tom, Fred, Lee and Don. It is set. Itâ€™s got to work. There are five people who want desperately to see this idea bloom.
November 17th, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ News! News! News! On the Western front â€“ on the eastern front â€“ in the south â€“ in Florida in Poa-Locka. 1st news of the day is Lee calling after his visit to Carnival Cruise Lines today. They are considering another group he says, but he thinks weâ€™ve got the job. Tom needs his passport, Don must be an American citizen (which I later found out he was) we must play a few disco songs, we must have proper clothing, and maybe on Sunday were are gong to go down to see the ship we will be playing on. Lee said that he told the man he was our manager. Lee also said that if we are going to go to England for any performances and such that he is coming with us! â€“ plus he may fly out to one of the islands we are sailing to â€“ to meet us. Don came by at 2:30 p.m. and he brought his drums and they look very nice.
We did not play any music with him because he wanted to get a lot of things straight. Don is a great guy and he is absolutely ideal for our group. He is rather nuts in his own way â€“ he wants to be the richest man in the world. He told us about a private conversation he had with Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin. He stayed for about 3 hours and said heâ€™d be here at 2:30pm tomorrow. He wants to see his friend Andy and our manager Lee talk with one another before Andy leaves for England on Monday.
We had tacos for dinner and had a late night practice for around an hour. We are starting to get tight again. It was really ironic â€“ get this â€“ next to our house is an unfinished gas station and guess who started landscaping it? None other than one of Ken Jones men â€“ Ron. It was pitiful and yet a relief to know our comfort while they worked. My voice has been a cause of consternation for me the last few days â€“ and Iâ€™ve been debating whether to sing away and chance hurting it or try to train it softly. Iâ€™m going to sing away.
November 18th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Alright! The best has occurred. Lee phoned today while we were practicing and said, well, pack!â€ â€“ I said, â€œDo you mean we got the job?â€ â€“ His answer was affirmative. So weâ€™re off to the Caribbean on December 4th!!! O.K. â€“ we practiced with Don today and 1st we played â€œItâ€™s A Cruel Worldâ€ and he said he really liked it. We played about 6 originals and he just sat there and listened.
Well, he tried to play drums to a number of rock and roll songs and Beatles songs, but it was beyond his ability. Now, you see, I am confident that heâ€™ll be able to pick it up and be determined to go home and listen to Beatle records and learn how to play our music. Heâ€™s good on the â€˜heavyâ€™ rock songs. I talked to his friend Andy and I asked him to call Lee and he did and we all supposed to meet tomorrow at about 5 p.m. Again on Sunday the H.R.â€™s have a meeting at 1 p.m. to have a look at the boat we are going to play on. I keep awaiting a letter from my bank to re-affirm that my balance is $1,275 but instead today I got another letter from Maureen! Which is wonderful. I love her. Iâ€™ve told those guys. T and F, how great I think she is. They really must think Iâ€™ve gone off the deep end and in my own happy way maybe I have.
November 19th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Well, reader, how do you like reading this account of success? Utmost success! The account of one of the most successful men of our era! Who, you ask? Very funny, ha! Me, of course. For the many good events of the day I am thankful. I wrote Maureen a letter and then I read the one she wrote to me. She said, â€œI know we could be so happy together yet for some reason we were separated just after things were beginning to mergeâ€ and she said all sorts of complimentary things to me and finished the letter with â€œI love you, (signed) Maureen.â€ â€“ what a thrill it was to see that written flat-out for the first time. Iâ€™ve got to figure out a way to see her. Lord, it will be fantastic!!! There is something, pardon me Maureen, so sexy, yes that even is the word, about her â€“ you could not imagine the pleasurable sensation she sends through me.
Well, if you could you would love her too, though, no one could love her like me. Happiness greets me in the form of a letter â€“this time not from Maureen but from Dean J. Madsen at the Florida First National Bank of Jacksonville. His first sentence read, â€œBoy is my face red!â€ â€“ Well, that said it all. He apologized and thanked me for my patience and reaffirmed the fact that my bank balance is $1,275.00 â€“ Fuck that is a lot of money! â€“ for me, for now anyway. I swear I was smart for starting that account because it feels secure to know that the money is there. I could do a lot of things with it now, but there it shall sit!!
We practiced a little and at about 5 p.m. we went to Leeâ€™s where we met Don Rainey, our new drummer of course, and were introduced to Andy, his friend. All went well, we got a few points of authority cleared up and when I was overly modest about my position of leader for the group, Lee said, â€œAre you or not?â€ I said, â€œI amâ€ and Hock chimed in â€œYes, Jeff is the leader and a leader is needed.â€ Hock has been sticking up for me lately. After we left Leeâ€™s we started a Mutual Admiration meeting â€“ an idea I came up with yesterday and we continued the drinking that started at Leeâ€™s and I fell asleep on our couch due to intoxication. Had a fantastic time tonight.
November 20th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ Oh God! What a day. We got up and Hock and I had a leisurely breakfast. We came back and we practiced for 15 or 20 minutes and then we all got really dressed up for our tour of the TSS Mardi Gras â€“ the boat on which weâ€™ll play. It is absolutely incredible! It weights 27,250 tons and is 650 feet long. It is beautiful. I had 2 strawberry daiquiris on the ship today. Oh â€“ I canâ€™t wait to play on the boat. When we got back I bought myself a large sirloin steak and had a great dinner and afterwards I wrote 2 songs â€“ both of which I feel are good and one of which I love â€“ I mean I really love the sound of this song â€“ and the lyrics (which I wrote on both songs.) Itâ€™s called â€œTo A Love Thatâ€™s Trueâ€ and the lesser one is â€œYou Just Want To Be Loved.â€ The H.R.â€™s sound good. Don was there.
November 21st, 1977 â€“-
Monday â€“ Today we had a good practice with Don. He seemed much more proficient at it â€“ we played Itâ€™s A Plain Shame, Doobia Wah and Rocky Mountain Way so heâ€™d feel at home and then we played Until Weâ€™re Together, our own song, on which he did an admirable job. He had to leave by 3:30 p.m. because he had to take Andy to the airport (so he can catch his plane for England). Apparently Lee called Andy to discuss plans but other than hearing Don mention it I know no more about it. I wrote a letter to Mom, copied the one (on a machine) that I wrote to Maureen. I dropped off 2 Dickens books I didnâ€™t have time to read, at the library. I had a letter waiting for me at general delivery from Mom. It was an awfully nice letter and I drop all grievances in my mind from her. I love her and plan to make her memory of me fond forever.
November 22nd, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Today Don didnâ€™t perform too well at practice. He couldnâ€™t remember some of the beats he learned yesterday and in fact he slept a good 2 hours. He was just tired and that is probably the reason that he had a mental block. The other 3 H.R.â€™s practiced over the first 50 songs on our list to make sure we knew them. It was great diary â€“ today I told Tom, â€œAs sure as I am standing here I am going to meet a girl.â€ Fred and I went to a restaurant at which was a beautiful girl named Sherry who just happened to waitress our table I suggested to Fred that we leave no tip so sheâ€™d remember us, so Nelson left a small one and sure enough we were loitering around in the lobby before we left and she sent out a bus- (before we left) -boy to tell us we were cheap.
Well, now Diary, on the contrary, I was overjoyed â€“ I donâ€™t mind her calling us cheap â€“ it was merely done so weâ€™d remember her. All we have to do, as I see it, is go by tomorrow night or the next night and sit down at one of her tables and at least weâ€™ve got something to talk about. Iâ€™m getting better looking and itâ€™s funny diary because I donâ€™t worry about Nelson â€œbeating me outâ€ anymore because I just go by how much I like her and if I really, really dig her then it is no problem because love always seems to win through.
I forgot to mention that last night we had an excellent discussion about the equipment weâ€™re getting before we go to London and clothes and it looks as though all my ideas and wants will be fulfilled â€“ blue suits, acoustic amps, etc.
November 23rd, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ Today was a good sign in our practicing for the boat. We went through 22 songs and Don caught on to them all. Mike Net called me up personally from the cruise lines and asked me the correct spelling of all our names. He also informed me that weâ€™ll have to use our own microphones and that we canâ€™t dance with the passengers, canâ€™t bring back more than a bottle of booze, etc. After Don left, Fred and I decided to go out, well, even Tom condoned it, and try to bring back some girls! Fred and I went to Barbaraâ€™s (oh-by the way I got a letter from Maureen but I havenâ€™t opened it yet) and she gave us a glass of wine and mentioned that we might go to the Airliner where she worked. Fred and I tried out another bar but the girls didnâ€™t look drunk enough yet so we went to the Airliner.
I think we arrived about 11 oâ€™clock and didnâ€™t leave until about 20 minutes to 4am. During that time Barbara bought us a few drinks and Fred bought me a few more and we ended up intoxicated. The main reason we were there so long was because The Billy Marcus Quintet was playing there again and they are my favorite group over any since the Beatles. They are jazz and absolutely incredible musicians. It was enthralling to watch them perform â€“ a pianist, a bass player, a conga player, a drummer and a guy who plays sax, flute, clarinet (and banjo) and sings a bit. It was great. Nelson and I had an incredibly great time. A bit of what will most likely, upon reflection, turn out to be a bit of mere trivia is that Nelson and I convinced ourselves (after multiple drinks) that Paddy Mallon was going to be our drummer and we made a pact that weâ€™d see to it that he would be obtained by hook or by crook.
Late into the evening Fred and I asked Barbara to tell the two young girls that were sitting behind us that we wanted them to come sit with us. A few minutes later another waitress came up to us and told us that theyâ€™d like to met us but that we had to come to their table and so we walked over and introduced ourselves and their names were Pam and Diana (who was a fox) and we talked with them for a while and when we all were leaving I got their phone numbers and gave them ours and after they left Barbara came walking out and I told her that Iâ€™d call her to give her some instruction on the piano and she said O.K. We drove home in an absolute frenzy of rain and when we got home we congratulated ourselves on being Gods and I went immediately to bed.
November 24th, 1977 â€“-
Thursday â€“ Thanksgiving â€“ I didnâ€™t awaken until about 3 p.m. at which time I wrote letters to Staci, Maureen, Dad, Gammy, Taylor, Cappa and Clymer. Fred came in and read the package and pictures I wrote to Cappa and Clymer and nearly fell on the ground laughing â€“ Hockridge also got quite a kick out of them â€“ they were hilarious. Fred and I went out shopping for Thanksgiving dinner and got roast beef, potatoes, deserts, zucchini and all sorts of liquor. It was a festive occasion â€“ only by the time dinner was prepare we were all so intoxicated that the food was not worthy for our clouded taste buds and some of the culinary delight was gone. We had a big discussion about whether we should try to get Paddy to be our drummer, and Hock argued quite vehemently for Don. We watched a special The Beatles Forever, which except the fabulous clips of the actual Beatles showed the worst people singing their songs.
It was such a disgrace that I tried calling the TV station and telling them. It was a phony! Do you know what I think is a good idea? I think that I would be a good idea for me to do something everyday to make myself more handsome, more attractive physically â€“ which I what I plan to do. I have been thinking lately that maybe I should get braces or get my teeth capped â€“ my front teeth have spaces between them and Iâ€™d be much better looking without them.
November 25th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Today was a great day. We had an excellent practice with Don and diary you should have heard us. We sounded great! Our originals sounded absolutely fantastic. We practiced about 4 hours with Don. After Don left we had dinner and Hock and I went across the street and had coffee and then Tom, Fred, and I practiced until 11 oâ€™clock. We worked mainly on; Iâ€™ll Do It For You, which we change to â€œIâ€™ll Do Anything Baby That You Want Me Toâ€ and weâ€™ll probably have to shorten that to â€œJust Let Me Know Itâ€™s Trueâ€ â€“ what a difference â€“ the song sounds great. And then, after practice, we sat down (after watching USC beat UCLA in the last 2 seconds 29-27) and discussed all the things we had to get done for the boat cruise (I instigated the meeting). We decided to get new microphones. It was a full day.
I sent all the letters today that I wrote yesterday, only I re-wrote the one to Maureen and Iâ€™m glad I did because in the one I wrote yesterday I started mentioning other girls and that may be honesty but that is not love! Love is not always honest, but it always feels good. So in my revised letter I wasnâ€™t so honest but I was more loving which is better. I talked with Hock about getting caps and it might be a good idea.
November 26th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today, I didnâ€™t get up until 1:30 p.m. I called various records stores and found out that Hollywood Music in Dania has a microphone called an Electro-voice PL76 condenser carotid which would be perfect for Tom and Fred to sing out of â€“ and Hock wants to get 2 of them; which is proper â€“ theyâ€™ll sound fantastic â€“ I can tell from all Iâ€™ve seen and heard of them. I saw them today when towards the latter part of practice Tom broke a bass string so we had to drive up there. We saw these mics â€“ theyâ€™re $80 each. When we returned we all agreed to chip in 1/3rd and we put $90 away for safe keeping. We sat around in the evening and watched a special on the Beatles and an Alfred Hitchcock movie â€“ Family Plot. They were both excellent. I wrote Maureen a beautiful love letter before I went to bed.
November 27th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ Today Don couldnâ€™t come by so we practiced all the tunes we have just written to perfect them for the boat. It was absolutely fantastic â€“ I mean they are all coming together so nicely. I wrote a beautiful letter to Staci tonight. I hope she responds. You know it is something which has passed my notice and is yet slightly disturbing to me to find myself in the position of pursuer when I like to be the one being pursued. By the girl â€“ it leaves me in control where as now Iâ€™ve go to be dependent on whether Staci will write to me or Maureen will end up wanting to fuck me â€“ oh I talk of love, love, love all the time, yet I still realize that my body is wanting to fuck, fuck, fuck. How raunchy of me to say so.
November 28th, 1977 -/
Monday â€“ We practiced with Don today and Lee called and I gave him the update. From the conversation Tom had with his parents last night we now know that he should be getting $150 about tomorrow at which time we will purchase 2 Electro-Voice PL76 condenser carotid microphones. I canâ€™t wait. I have been singing really hard every day practically and I can feel my voice getting stronger and tougher. Itâ€™s great. We had a marvelous roast beef dinner tonight, which I cooked. I got a letter from Bernadette â€“ oo â€“ la â€“ la. She says she wants to make love with me â€“ or rather play love. I read Maureenâ€™s 2 letters to me and they were terrible so I wrote her back 2 letters in which I basically said love me or leave me.
November 29th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ Today we went over Somethingâ€™s Happening and Time Out and the ten or so Beatles songs (which we missed off the list yesterday) with Don. Tom, Fred and I went over Satisfaction, Under My Thumb, Turn to Stone and Money (the one the Beatleâ€™s used to do) late into the night. That leaves us with 48 prepared songs so far for the boat trip. I called up Mike Net from the cruise lines and he said that if it was O.K. with us they would like us to stay on for 5 weeks, but he did not know anything about us being switched to Carnival for the 2nd month. Bill Meyer came home tonight after his journey to New Jersey and he was acting really weird and it scared me quite a bit. When I first met him I thought he was Bob Bitchinâ€™ but I donâ€™t even know if I like him anymore. He said he was pissed because we ruined the house.
November 30th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ Today I slept in late and for a guy who wants to be the happiest man in the world this is awkward for me to say but I felt terrible for most of the day. Towards the evening [Bill] started to act friendly towards me and it just shows how bitchinâ€™ he is because I like him once again. We rehashed all the songs weâ€™ve just added to the list. In the early evening I was getting discouraged just when a Special Delivery truck pulled up and Hock get his letter with a check for $150. Happy days are here again. We get our micâ€™s tomorrow!!! I sent off a letter to Staci â€“ and 2 to Maureen. I wrote four letters to her but I left 2 at home because they werenâ€™t nice. I figure I might as well try to be 100% nice and friendly to her â€“ always understanding â€“ always good â€“ what a novelty in this world! â€“ almost an impossibility for me many who know me would think. But Iâ€™m gonna do my best to do it.
It will be an experiment â€“ what will the outcome be â€“ will any or most of my fears be put to rest that if I am open and nice and giving to someone they might take advantage of me â€“ is that fear a reflection of myself â€“ of what I do to other people? (O.K. now, Jeff, stop being philosophical.) Will I discover a whole new way to treat people? Well, Maureen, you are my subject. By your actions you will dictate the success of my experiment. I love you (O.K. Jeff, stop being mushy.) We ended up staying awake he entire night in order to get more songs to our list by listening to records. I just felt if we didnâ€™t get them by tonight we would never get them by Sunday.
December 1st, 1977 -/
Thursday. I never did go to sleep last night and I stayed up until about 8 or 8:30 p.m. tonight at which time I fell fast, fast asleep and dreamt about Bernadette (and how she came to visit me again, only this time in an unknown place, and how we made love). I started this day off smoking a marijuana cigarette with Bill Meyer and then we lifted weights for around 40 minutes. Don and I had breakfast at Juneâ€™s and I left my phone number on a napkin for a waitress who was really nice to me but she never called. Me and Don went to pick up the microphones and we got them for $191.36 total (and I traded Fredâ€™s microphone for an adaptor and windscreen). When we got the microphones home I tested them out they didnâ€™t work properly.
Upon returning them to the shop I discovered I had inserted the batteries upside down. On our return home, Fred and I bought another windscreen for the mic and traded my old microphone in for an adapter to our high impedance system. Got back and everything worked fine and we had a discussion on finances and Fred got a check for $200 from his Dad. We ate and I fell asleep.
December 2nd, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ What a day! Lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff one. Fred and I left the house about 9:30am.
1) Cashed his postal money order
2) Picked up our laundry
3) I bought shampoo, toothpaste, Jovan musk oil, towels, deodorant, and soap
4) Bought a disco record to learn songs from
5) Went to look for boom stands at 4 record shops with no luck
6) Paid classified ad
7) Paid electricity bill
Came back and ate and Hockridge went into a temper tantrum because we took so long and havenâ€™t been practicing enough for him.
We started practicing at 3:30pm and practiced until 10pm with Don. Afterwards we stayed up until 3am and learned the disco songs. See- being a rock star is hard work. Well, almost everything is done. The cruise is rapidly approaching â€“ almost there!
December 3rd, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today we finished all preparation for the trip. We got up and had a breakfast of donuts and milk while Fred had a feast burger. We had gotten through a few tunes while Don was on his way and then he arrived. Before breakfast I had put down all our songs (63 of them) into 7 sets of 4 songs each. We got completely through 4 sets with Don and rapidly skimmed the hard songs in the last 3 sets. Don left about 7:10 p.m. at which time the H.R.â€™s sat around for a while and then went over all the problem songs until about 9:45 p.m. We sat around and smoked and drank with Bill Meyers, whom I like more every day and who is a joy to be around. Meanwhile, we were straightening up the house and I said I was going to go down and get a steak and have a potato with it. Everyone decided they would like the same.
I bought a porter house steak and I must say Bill turned me onto that cut of steak which I have never had before. It was the best steak I ever had and I will never eat any other kind of steak if I can help it. The apartment cleaned, we stacked all our possession in one corner of the living room and I swear Iâ€™ve seldom had such a satisfying meeting. I went in and fell asleep on the bed. Bill Meyer is a great guy and we are really indebted to him for all he has done for us. He is unusually vibrant and funny â€“ I really would like to do him a good turn when the H.R.â€™s make it big. All I can think of now is how many chicks I am gonna fuck on this cruise. I feel confident.
December 4th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ We awoke at about 9:50 a.m. and loaded our stuff in the van. The rest of the day was an experience like Iâ€™ve never had. We got to the boat and they lowered one of the lifeboats into which we put all of our equipment and hoisted it up into the ship. We were required to play a little bit at 3 p.m. for a small crowd and they clapped after every song. Mike Net, the guy who more or less hired us saw us and gave us the O.K. â€“ he thought we sounded good but were a little loud. Lee came by at about 3:35 p.m. and had us play the tail end of our last song â€“ Back In the U.S.S.R. He said he had gone out to buy us some shirts, but couldnâ€™t find them, and therefore didnâ€™t have time to bring us the champagne that he was going to bring along with the shirts. He said we sounded bad but tight as hell and he said to call him as soon as we docked next Sunday.
Mike Net introduced us to Rex, the cruise director, who reminds me a lot of Jeff Clymer. We put our stuff in our cabins. I have a real bitchinâ€™ cabin. It was a window to which I can see outside, a sink with running hot and cold water, closet, drawers, bed, desk (at which I am now writing). Iâ€™m happy as a lark. When we went down to dinner I was astounded. We sat down and a servant brought us some apple juice, a salad and stood there holding the dressing tray while we scooped it out. Then, when he brought the menu I couldnâ€™t believe it!! This is what we got to choose from: Veal Cordon Blue, Frog Legs, Roast Duckling, amongst a few others, and vegetables, milk, coffee, deserts, anything we wanted which it was only required to ask to get. They served everything more than gladly.
I had the delicious roast duckling. We got ready and went on stage at about 9:40 p.m. During our 1st set the place was packed but when we came back off of our break it was almost empty and pretty much stayed that way for the rest of the night â€“ but we played and played, figuring it was good practice until about 2:30 a.m. when a big fat lady in a night gown came tramping into the Point After Club, walked right up to the stage and complained that she could not sleep due to the noise. We quit and some guy bought us a drink. Afterwards we went to Donâ€™s cabin and smoked 2 joints.
The most memorable part of my waking hours were after we got high we went to the very top of the ship in the moonlight and climbed to the ladder until we stood on a little deck. It was incredibly inspirational â€“ there on the seas in the moonlight. It was fantastic. Iâ€™ve never ever experience anything like it before in my entire life. Oh, it was beautiful.
When we were having dinner the other entertainers told us that we were going to get chased around the ship by all kinds of girls and story after story about all the girls. Unfortunately we havenâ€™t been blessed with that affliction yet â€“ in fact there seems to be a lot more old people than young on this boat. Playing for this crowd is rather difficult right now but Iâ€™m sure we will get the hang of it soon enough.
December 5th, 1977 //
Monday â€“ This is incredible. Unbelievable if you will. The meals are exquisite â€“ tonight we had a choice of Veal Scaloppini, Broiled Shrimp, Beef Tenderloin and on!!! What a life. We ran into a bit of luck tonight. In general the crowd has been unresponsive but for 6 songs tonight they were very responsive and it was during those 6 songs that Rex Richards â€“ the cruise director came in to see us. I talked to him (tomorrow!?!) and he said we were still too loud, play more slow songs, but I think he thought we were good enough to stay on for the 5 weeks. You know diary, I want you to think about something â€“ I dreamed of taking a Caribbean Cruise before we cut our 1st album. It just hit me that it has come true.
It is all rather incredible and I started becoming aware of it tonight at about 3am when I climbed to the top of the ship once again and stared at the water and moon and clouds for about 15 minutes. My dreams are coming true. I got a totally new look at life atop the ship tonight â€“ it was so adventurous and wonderful â€“ all of a sudden life meant a medium in which to make dreams come true. This I hold now as a truth close to my heart. There is a group of teenagers on board who love us â€“ there are about 6 of them and tonight they went crazy â€“ every song we played theyâ€™d yell and clap. Although it was only a few â€“ it was a glimpse of Romanceimania. Iâ€™ve got to figure out a way to secure these diaries and writings â€“ they are so important.
December 6th, 1977 /-
Tuesday â€“ The big event of the day was that I got laid for the first time in (about) exactly 5 months. But the story behind it and the style with which it was executed were supreme, so I now delve into the subject. We were on our break before our last set when a girl came up and told me that we were great and asked if we were going to play some more. She was very emphatic about how good she thought we were and she seemed to be directing her comment towards me. Iâ€™ll capsize events here and then delve more fully into them in the diary supplement. I waved to her as she was leaving and she came over to me and I said she was sexy and so we took a walk on the deck and started kissing and we fucked 3 times exquisitely in my cabin. She left at 12:25 p.m. the next day.
O.K. Now a fully detailed look at my experience with Lenora Rosenberry, because she said we were good and requested that we play another set, we did. During that last set I saw her walking around trying to get people interested in us. Then she borrowed Tomâ€™s microphone and said, â€œEither get up and dance or get out of here. These guys are damn good.â€ After we finished our set, during which she danced seductively with a number of guys, I sat there and watched her talk to some guy, waiting for an opportunity to thank her for inspiring us. She turned around and I waved to her and she dismissed herself from the guy she was talking to and came sauntering up and sat down. I said, â€œThank you so much,â€ and, â€œWhatâ€™s your name?â€ (Lenore) and, â€œYou are very sexy!â€ to which she lit up and then Fred asked her a question and I immediately looked at her and said, â€œWould you like to get a drink at the showboat lounge?â€ and she said she had had too much to drink so I suggested we take a walk on the deck and zoom! We were off. It was uncanny â€“ it happened so fast â€“ and I forgot to mention that just before she came up, when Fred and I were sitting there I commented to Fred, â€œI want to fuck her!â€ â€“ and I really meant it. Anyway, her and I brought our drinks all the way up to the observation deck and we pecked each other on the lips about twice.
I led her up the ladder to my favorite perch on the boat, but Tom was already there so we contented ourselves with the observation deck, where we got close and kissed and Tom eventually relinquished his perch and up we went to hold each other and kiss and say â€œIn a while letâ€™s go back to your cabin?!â€ â€“ and she says â€“ â€œOr yours-â€œ and I say, â€œYes- mine would be better.â€ So a few minutes saw us marching down to my cabin wherein we sat down and talked and kissed and after about 10 minutes I said, â€œYou wanna talk in bed?â€ And she said yes. So we lay down on my bed and kissed and she told me how under-confident she was about her breasts and I told her how beautiful I thought they were and so we took off our shirts and shortly after our pants. She requested that I remove her pants for her â€“ so I did.
I laid on top of her and said, â€œIâ€™m not hard enough yet, why donâ€™t you put your hand down there and she did and I inserted quickly and we screwed and screwed for about 9-10 minutes and I came and she said she came about 3 times. I said weâ€™d wait awhile. A little later we did it again this time it was exquisite. We did it again but Iâ€™m not counting that because I didnâ€™t come. I call that a variation. Then we fell asleep and we made love again upon awakening in the morning. This chick really seems to be amazed with my abilities as a lover â€“ she holds me so tight and it is so lustful and sexy and fun and o-la-la!!!
Her body is, in my opinion exquisite and a rarity â€“ almost as pleasing to me from the shoulders down as Giovanna was, and for the purpose of sex maybe even better. She has the kind of tits I have longed to be with. Small and perfect. They are small and they are perfect. Perhaps it is a matter of taste but I prefer her type of body. Small hips, slightly smaller waist by appearance, perfect tits not too big, sultry skin and terrific sex drive.
December 7th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ The continuation of my affair with Lenora Rosenberry becomes more incredible to me as the minutes pass by. She left my cabin at about 12:25 p.m. this early afternoon and we agree to meet at 8:30 p.m. in the Point After Club. Well, I was talking to Don and Tom in my cabin at about 2:15 p.m. when who comes knocking at my door? â€“ but Lenora of course. In the interest of getting a newspaper and their idea of discretion Tom and Don left and a few minutes of conversation and kissing an privacy gave Lenora the words, â€œIf your friends werenâ€™t coming back, Iâ€™d like toâ€¦ you know!â€ â€“ to which I replied, â€œLetâ€™s go.â€ And off went our clothes and we fucked for a while and I came and she said she came around 3 times and it was great. Tom and Don came back and she left. We practiced from around 4:30pm â€“ 5:30 p.m. and Lenora came to watch us (me) â€“ in the supplement youâ€™ll hear about the $50 dinner she treated me and we screwed 3 more times.
At 5:30 p.m. Fred started giving me trouble once again on stage and Don joined in- in a nice way I got the message across to get fucked and Lenora went to get dressed for the night out on the town while Tom and I had a 40 minute discussion about the group. I feel sorry for Tom because he above the other 2 deserves an equal share with me in the group. Unfortunately I am the master of the group and one of the smartest men on earth. Tom is a God, by the definition of our peer group and is thus equal to me, yet on the surface he has to relinquish so much and reflect on so much. Fred and Don, on the other hand, are liars and not deserving of Â½ as much as Tom. From now on I believe it would be a good idea to let Tom conspire with me on the group decisions and to then let him convince, persuade, etc. Don and Fred in his own effective way to agree with the decision and to carry them out.
Fred, and Don and Tom have been fucking up on stage an awful lot but Tom has a willing attitude whereas Don and Fred act as if they have done you a favor by making mistakes. Tom left me in the grand ballroom and exactly 1 hour after he left Lenora came sashaying into the room, with a sexy outfit. We went to my cabin and I got dressed and we went out on the town â€“ she said she would buy me dinner and she did and it was great.
Let me describe the meal! We walked around the streets of San Juan for about 30 minutes until we found a French restaurant. We went in and after a lesson in what was the translation of the menu we both ordered Lobster (Langoustineâ€¦) and she ordered Escargot and I ordered a casserole of mushrooms, chicken and cheese as Horâ€™s devoirs. We also ordered a full bottle (1/1) of the du vin rouge de Maison (the house wine) the waiter poured a little in my glass and I said, â€œIâ€™m not an expert but I like itâ€ (after my second sip.) So they brought our horâ€™s deouvres and they were exquisite â€“ they were served with French bread and creamy butter.
After that a deliciously prepared small salad came. Before we could finish 2 bites or so of it, our lobster tails came â€“ four on a plate accompanied by small carrots cooked to almost the point where they melt into your mouth, and peas and mushrooms, and a boiled small potato. I was stuffed halfway through my 4 lobster tails but I took a short break and trudged on and finished my food. Lenora had her last 2 lobster tails wrapped for take home. I enjoyed the wine. The bill came to $45.25! She wrote out travelerâ€™s checks amounting to $50.00, which is what she left in return for an excellent meal. We went to her cabin where we made love exquisitely once again and fell asleep.
I had lost track of time and we woke up at what we later figured out must have been about 2:10 a.m. and made love again for the 6th time and then we awoke at 6:15 am. Because her cabin has no windows and the situation we werenâ€™t sure if it was 6:15 am Thursday or Friday mornings or perhaps 6:15 p.m. Thursday evening. We were consoled to discover we had not overslept at all and it was indeed 6:15 am Thursday. I ordered breakfast on her card and we went back to sleep until it came which must have been around 8:20am and I ate everything except the rolls and she had some of the coffee. Then we made love again and again it was great. She is fun!!!
Then we laid back and smoked a cigarette, afterwards I took a bath in her tub and left after that saying to meet me in about 2 hours at my cabin â€“ at which time weâ€™d go see St. Thomas. It was 10:30am when I left and I came up to my cabin immediately to write all of this. When I got here I officially started my day and so I now discontinue Wednesdayâ€™s narrative. Lenora wants to get a P.O. Box so I can write her without her husband finding out. She is absolutely crazy about me! And I love it!
December 8th, 1977 â€”-
Thursday â€“ It seems girls either take from you if you let them or give to you if you know how to play your cards. Well, I have been experiencing the latter to the fullest extent the last few days, and today blows the whole thing out of its previous proportions. I proceed: In the morning after I left her cabin I was sleeping. She came up to my cabin at around 12:30 p.m. and I was still sleeping and then she came back at around 1:10 p.m. and I was still sleeping but I got up and we set out at large for St. Thomas. We walked through the streets of St. Thomas â€“ beautiful place and we went to a jewelry shop and we had a drink and got back to the ship about 5:12 p.m. We played well tonight.
When we got back to the ship we went to her cabin where we made love again (8th time) â€“ it was great, I mean really great. We canâ€™t resist each other. I went and ate dinner. Back at my cabin (I had Lobster Thermador for dinner â€“ good!) Fred came in and asked if I wanted to practice â€“ so him and I practiced and then Tom came in and the 3 of us went over some more tunes. I put on my white knit (alligator) shirt and blue denim pants. We did best of all tonight. I had a talk with Don before we went on and stated my case and made it clear how I felt about him talking behind my back â€“ done! Tonight was definitely our best night on stage. For the first time I really felt people liked us. Lenora was there and she and Chuck, a friend of hers apparently invited some people â€“ Lenora and Chuck took pictures of us.
The 2 little girls. Mandy and Crystal, who sit patiently by every night and stare at us and they told me I should smile more because Iâ€™m cute when I smile. In between sets Lenora and I would go outside and make-out, which made these 3 chicks from California look at us with more avid interest â€“ at least in my opinion â€“ itâ€™s spirit of competition â€“ like Christabelle told me so many months ago. Well, by the last set we were finally performing up to par â€“ laughing, joking around. It was finally enjoyable and I am looking forward to many more nights like this last set!!! One of the musicians from the other band (he says heâ€™s been on the ship for four years) came by and just watched us for the 2nd night in a row. I think he likes the group. After the performance Lenora and I came up to my room. We made love (for the ninth time) and again it was great. This time she let out a big moan just as Fred came into his room next door. He told me the next day he could hear her breathing â€“ poor guy!
We awoke in the morning and she went down to her cabin and I came down about 22 minutes later. We made love again (for the 10th time) and it was great again. There was coffee and a sandwich waiting for me when I showed up. A little while later we made love again â€“ that was the clincher (the 11th time). The 10th time we took it so slow â€“ it was really making love â€“ it was probably an hour from the time we laid down, talked undressed and I finished inside her. The 11th time it sent us both into another world â€“ we both felt stoned afterwards. I mean I really felt like the greatest lover in the world â€“ like a power to escape all humanly limitations â€“ traveling through space and time in mind â€“ released from normal everyday consciousness. Now get this â€“after the 10th time she talked a little about memories and then produced a sterling silver ring with a .15 carat emerald so I will remember her. I was flabbergasted!!!!
I donâ€™t much like the ring but it didnâ€™t fit and she gave me the receipt so I could have it fitted when I visit the Virgin Islands again â€“ so maybe Iâ€™ll trade it in on a style I like. Nevertheless, sheâ€™s an angel for getting me the ring and itâ€™s an awfully bitchinâ€™ little ring. I left for lunch at about 1:20 p.m. and said my goals on the way and over braised ribs of beef and the 8th was officially over and the 9th of December 1977 began.
December 9th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ So my day really started by eating lunch and after lunch I went to my cabin and (as far as I remember) I played the guitar a little and what not â€“ to be honest I forget â€“ oh yeah! â€“ Lenora met me at the bottom of the stairs after I ate â€“ she was leaving â€˜cause I wasnâ€™t there. We went to my cabin and talked and then she left and I met her for a drink at 4:05 p.m. She bought me a Kahlua. We went to my cabin and at 5 p.m. Hock came by to practice, but I said I was tired so he split and Lenora and I made love for the 12th time. She left and Tom came back but I was tired so he let me sleep until about 7:30 p.m.
I got up and had Broiled Sirloin Steak for dinner â€“ it was delicious and then we learned Itâ€™s A Hard Dayâ€™s Night. I took a shower and when I returned Lenora was waiting for me in Fredâ€™s cabin with Don and Fred. She looked the best Iâ€™ve seen her. She waited til I got dressed and we went to the Point After Club together at around 10pm. We played 4 sets until about 2:20 a.m. and in between the first 3 sets I went to my room with Fred or Don and Fred and had some of the Bacardi I got in St. Thomas, and coke. Between the 3rd and 4th sets some kid who really likes us bought me a Bacardi cocktail. By the last set the young kids (all of them about 10 of them) were going crazy in our support.
After we finished Fred, Don, Tom, me and Lenora went to my cabin and finished off the Bacardi Rum. After that Lenora and I went down to her cabin, made love (for the 13th time) and fell asleep. Before we made love we called room service and they brought us some sandwiches and coffee. It was then about 3:30 a.m. In the morning we lay in bed and made love for the longest time. It seemed like an hour but maybe it was only 25 minutes. We made love so slowly â€“ it was great, great, great. Finally, after what seemed an eternity of pleasure I came inside of her. (Oh, I forgot to say she bought me a roll of film and I took a few nude shots of her with that film in her camera.) After we made that love (for the 14th time) which I have just described we laid back, had a cigarette and chatted and then I took a bath and said my goals, which starts a new day.
December 10th, 1977 //
Saturday â€“ This entry covers from the time I took a bath this morning to the time I saw Lenora off the boat into the shuttle to the airport. During this time we made love 4 times so let me record that and I will be back shortly. Back again. Well, I suppose from the above that it is evident that this entry covers my last 24 hours with Lenora. I am writing this on Sunday night and the boat is heading once more for Nassau and she is en route to home, and I must say I miss her already and feel sad.
When I left her cabin this (Saturday) afternoon (at about 1:15 pm) I went directly to lunch, where I had (I believe) braised ribs of beef and rice pilaf. Afterwards I went to my cabin. I spent my time waiting for Lenora by playing the guitar, writing a song, When I Dance With You, doing a ST for greatest lover and writing in my diary. I kept wondering when she was going to arrive and I grew hot â€“ I have become dependent on her sex â€“eventually she came and we talked for awhile and then we made love. I love making sex with her and holding her tiny rear in my hands and sliding in and out or holding her real tight and her holding me tight. We just take our time and let the pleasure soak in and she tells me how she will never enjoy sex with anyone as much as she enjoys it with me and I glow with pride. I miss that already and itâ€™s only been hours since she left.
I consider this (Saturday) afternoon and decided that this has been the most pleasurable sexual experience I have ever had â€“ with Bernadette I have had more bliss, true, but never has an affair been so smooth and romantic, absolutely no friction, just total pleasure. I proceed awhile after we made love (for the 15th time) Lenora left and I told her to come by at about quarter past five so we could go to the cinema and catch the film Silver Streak at 6 p.m. I fell asleep and she came back at about 5:39 p.m. and then we left directly for our separate dining rooms. I had Prime Rib and a sort of cheesecake for desert. I got dressed after dinner and went to Lenoraâ€™s cabin at 8:50 p.m. as we had planned and she not being there I returned at about 9:05 p.m. and she was there. She said she didnâ€™t feel it was a good idea to make love and a few minutes later she changed her mind and I threw off my clothes and we made love. This time it lasted only a short time, but nevertheless was excellent.
I poured myself a drink and after getting dressed walked to the Point After and played our 1st set which went off very well. After that I invited Don and Fred to a little of Lenoraâ€™s J&B Scotch and I poured them a drink, they left, Lenora got dressed and we kissed and went up to the Pt. After.
After our second set Lenora asked me to come with her and she took me down to her cabin. It was on the way down there she said she was going to change and I said I loved what she had on (which I did). She wanted to put on a harem outfit, which she had brought along for the masquerade party. I told her that Iâ€™d be embarrassed if she wore it. I believe, diary, at any other time the situation would have breezed by her â€“ but she became hurt by my comment. She kept the same clothes on and we went upstairs. I went up on stage and the ship doctor invited me for a drink and he had 3 girls with him and Lenora thought I was retaliating because she had gotten upset, and so on.
We were both trying to be so nice to each other, but there was no getting over the fact for her â€“ she was leaving in a few hours and she tried so hard but she was upset and it showed. It is so sad to see her like that. She didnâ€™t want to go home. After we finished playing we went and got some food â€“ it was about 2:25 am. We went back to a pot party in Nelsonâ€™s room and then it was just the H.R.â€™s and Lenora after everyone left. Eventually Lenora and I went to my cabin and we got undressed. I lay there saying my goals silently and she lay there babbling on and on about things, sometimes making sense but for the most part it was sad.
After maybe Â½ hours of depressing dialogue we tried to make love but I didnâ€™t have my heart in it. Eventually I had her touch my privates and we made love. It was O.K. but nothing spectacular it was normal, not godly, like every other time we made love â€“ and that is the only way to describe every time weâ€™ve made love â€“ she said I was like a Greek God of Love and I said she was a goddess â€“ it was always like we were making love on a cloud â€“ in Olympus in the sky. We fell asleep, contrary to our plans to stay up all night.
When we awoke I checked the time and it was 7:55 am to my thanks to God â€“ it meant enough time to make love one last time I helped her to the bathroom â€“ then we came back to my room and removed our clothes and once again I could see her heart was not in it, so neither was mine. I had her touch my genitals and we made love one last time for about 15 minutes â€“ we rested and she was in pain â€“ her stomach hurt but she would not say anything â€“ I said I just wanted to come inside her one last time. So I inserted and I came within 2 minutes holding her ass in my hands. That was the 18th and last time we made love on this trip. (Pretty good.) Oh the narrative.
She seemed so upset â€“ it was heart rendering. We got up, went to her cabin, I helped her get ready and helped her off the boat to the shuttle. I said I would write. Before we had left my cabin she said she didnâ€™t want to leave. She really meant it. Anyway I kissed her goodbye and I thanked her for the ring last thing and she walked up into the shuttle seemingly shutting off the world â€“ poor thing! I went back up to my room, got a quarter and got off the boat again and called Lee. He said heâ€™d meet us at about 2 p.m. I went back to my cabin and fell fast asleep. And so ends todayâ€™s narrative.
Do you want my evaluation of this narrative, of the facts herein, of the memories? It was beautiful, every Moment, every word or thought, touch and love that passed between me and Lenora was exquisite, perfect and natural â€“ and I say now it was the best sexual experience I ever had â€“ every second of it.
December 11th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ Today was superb. I woke up and 2 minutes later Fred yelled from his cabin that Lee was here â€“ he was just walking onto the boat â€“ so I threw on my clothes and went down to the Promenade Deck. Lee walked up with four letters for me. 2 from Maureen, one from Dad (inside of which was a Christmas card from Irene Vidal) and 1 from Cappa and Clymer. We talked with Lee for 1 Â½ hours and Rex gave us the highest recommendation but told us we should turn down the volume. Lee heard how I have been in bed every night with Lenora and he himself fucked a stewardess last night. Lee put in an order for liquor and we put in orders for various little things. Iâ€™m having him develop the pictures of Lenora. Lee left at about 4pm. The ship disembarked. I went to my cabin and cleaned it up and rested. In the diary supplement I tell how the crowd went crazy over us tonight.
For dinner I had Veal Cordon Bleu followed by a broiled sirloin steak. I had salad, onion soup, apple pie, chocolate ice cream, milk and coffee. I really enjoyed the meal. Before I relate the events starting at 9:45pm this evening when we began to perform, Iâ€™d like to make a quick run down of what the letters said that I received today. It was just an xmas card that I received from Irene but because of it I will send her a postcard from St. Thomas â€“ in case you donâ€™t understand what Iâ€™m doing with her, Iâ€™ll explain â€“ she sent me a letter long ago saying â€œI guess your next letter will be from England.â€ â€“ so I determined to make my next letter from England, only her card gave me an idea â€“ Iâ€™ll send her a postcard â€“thatâ€™s not a letter. This loophole will enable me to inform her on what Iâ€™m doing. The letters from C&C (Cappa and Clymer) were hilarious, but Tom is disgruntled because he was the butt of a large number of jokes. Gary says he is joining us in July.
The letter from Dad was nice, a lot of advice and although I know more about the advice he gave me than he does, it was sound advice and I appreciate that my old man is back on the right track again in life. Maureenâ€™s letters were exquisite. I do not know if I mentioned it but about 2 weeks ago I had written her nasty letters that I decided not to send and in lieu of them I sent some of the nicer letters I could imagine â€“ and they paid off. She replied, â€œI hate being alone at night and I often want you with meâ€¦. Of course itâ€™s a real possibility that weâ€™ll experience loving one another. The only thing standing in our way are miles â€“ too many.â€ And she went on and on pouring her heart out before me in ink. Sheâ€™s fallen for me. I learned a great deal â€“ I was a crossroads and I was debating whether to be nice in order to convince her or try to bully her and I took the nice route and won.
Back to the ship â€“ when on stage tonight we determined to turn down a lot on our volume. We did so. Because that and the number and disposition of the crowd we were a smashing success tonight â€“ and I mean that in the truest sense of the word. People were going crazy, and when we played our original songs; And Youâ€™ll Be True, I Canâ€™t Stand It, Anyone Can See and Iâ€™ll Do Anything Baby That You Want Me To â€“ they weâ€™re practically in disbelief â€“ they told us how much they loved our originals and we heard nothing but compliments and good vibes the entire evening. This is gonna be a fun week. After we played. I walked around for a while and then went to bed.
December 12th, 1977 â€“-
Monday â€“ Diary, you are not going to believe it. Open your ears because even if it happens again in my life â€“ time this is most definitely a first for me. I received a phone call tonight from Lenora in Canfield, Ohio to me in the middle of the Caribbean Sea en route from the Bahamas to Puerto Rico! I was on stage when the porter told me that I had a phone message so I told him Iâ€™d play one more song and he said heâ€™d take me to the radio room. After we played Rocky Mountain Way I went to the radio room. I was slightly apprehensive about hearing the message but then I determined it would be a good one. Lenora was the first person I thought of but I also considered deaths in the family or whatever.
Well when I got up there it took what seemed about 10 minutes to place the call through but there she was on the other end of the line although at times hard to understand Lenora, and she just called to say hello, to discover how we were doing, to tell me she knew our tape by heart already and I told her that I missed her and she said she wishes she was here too and I told her I loved her and she said she wrote me a letter and I told her Iâ€™d sent her a letter from Puerto Rico and it was a great little conversation. I said goodbye and it gave me the feeling and her too, Iâ€™m sure, that we both were close to one another, although so far and that love still held us together. I had shrimp and beef tenderloin for dinner tonight and I also hit Hockridge in the head cause he was bugging me. We decorated for x-mas in our lounge today. I stayed up til 5 am talking about the most incredible things about space and mind with a guy from the Cainâ€™s Cliff.
December 13th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ Today I awoke at about 2:45pm. I wrote in my diary and such and before I went on to perform tonight all of us went over the new tunes â€“ Rock and Roll Music, etc. When we went on stage we opened up with all the new tunes and they went over fantastically. Now diary I make a note that we have 2 or 3 original songs that the crowd response is extremely favorable â€“ they are (in order) I Canâ€™t Stand It, And Youâ€™ll Be True, Iâ€™ll Do Anything Baby (That You Want Me Too), and perhaps Anyone Can See. I met a 33-year-old French Canadian whose name is Gigi Cya tonight and got her to my cabin but she didnâ€™t want to fuck. At any rate I did kiss her and it was very nice â€“ once on the observation deck and a few times in my cabin. She is very sexy. We were a hit on stage tonight.
December 14th, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ Today I saw Old San Juan, got paid $200, kissed Gigi, kissed a new girl Sharon Coates, learned a lesson from Gigi, stayed up until about 5:45am, saw the movie the Pink Panther Strikes Again and had pork and Chateau Briand for dinner. I must write Bernadette because I have not sent her a letter in a while. I must get a few things from Leeâ€™s house, including my scrapbook on love. Tomorrow we arrive in St. Thomas and I must return my ring from Lenora and send her letter and Maureenâ€™s. The lesson I learned form Gigi is never to ask or put a girl on the spot with romantic questions. Just do romantic things â€“ put in positive terms â€“ it means keep things light and breezy at all costs. I took Sharon outside and we went to the kiddy pool and kissed twice.
December 15th, 1977 -/
Thursday â€“ (The following was written in the privacy of my cabin.) Jeff, ever you come in Montreal, I would love you to call me.
The girl who wrote the preceding is beautiful. In the diary supplement I will explain it all, but here I just say that she was looking lovely so I went to her and began to talk and we went to my cabin and stayed there until about 8 am. We kissed. I felt her breasts, she touched my privates, I touched hers, she gave me a back and rear massage and kissed my rear and then draped her hair over my back. She said she thinks we are like the Beatles and she is so very pretty and delicate â€“ 5â€™6â€, fair skinned.
A recap of the day â€“ awake at 1:30 â€“ went to St. Thomas with Don, bought a few bottles of liquor for Lee and myself. Had a great time â€“ Don is a great guy. Came back and ate Lobster, Lamb and Steak. Had a meeting in my cabin with H.R.â€™s about planning and basically convinced them to convince Lee on Sunday that he must start pushing our music now. Played our first set and felt sick and played our 2nd set and felt worse so I lay down. I felt so bad because I was tired out but when I laid down I considered that I wasnâ€™t doing well enough with the girls, and I was actually depressed so I determined to go after a girl named Cindy â€“ Sharonâ€™s friend and from then on the night was better.
By our 5th set I was acting crazy on stage and laughing and being so relaxed as Iâ€™ve ever been on stage. Afterwards I determined that when going after girls never plan on any course of action happening with one girl because there are so many girls and courses with each; so I thought Iâ€™d just take the best opportunity. I kissed Cindy when she came by and put my arm around Sharon and was flirting away O.K. Fred was sitting with Cindy a little while later and Sharon and I went over there and then we all were going to go to either the Showboat or another party. We left the disco.
The girls went to the bathroom and Lynn, a girl from Montreal came by and Fred and I talked to her and when the girls came out Lyn said goodnight and went and looked out into the night, leaning on the rail. The four of us went on a little deck a bit above her and when Fred excused himself to get some booze I went down to talk to Lyn who was very pretty. (Oh, I might mention as we walked up to the next deck before I came down again, Lynâ€™s shirt blew up in the wind like a parasol and it was only her legs and her panties and I said, â€œThat should be in a commercial.â€) I went down to her and said, â€œDo you have a cigarette and she said, â€œNoâ€ and then I said, â€œYou look sad!â€ And we began to talk and she took my hand and kissed it and I suggested we get a cigarette (since she said she wanted one) from my cabin and take a walk on the upper decks. She said O.K. and we went to my room and she wanted me to play the guitar. I took it out.
She was drunk on champagne and she kissed me. I played her Farm Boy and we talked and I said I felt like a God and that to me she was like an angel or a goddess. We kissed and made out and she rubbed her hand in my crotch. At about 5:30 a.m. she said she had to go to her cabin with her escort Louis and I took her there. On the way we stopped she had her shoes in her hands and she dropped her purse and her shoes and we made out. Iâ€™ve ever been so in love in my life â€“ and the officer came by and he looked pissed. We kissed and moved into an aisle and she said she hoped I was not bluffing her as all the others had.
I walked her to her door and left but I kept looking back. She couldnâ€™t get in because Louis latched the inside lock so she came with me back to my room. I said she could sleep on the couch or bed and I went to the bathroom. When I came back she was laying on the couch I laid beside her and put my legs between her hers and kissed her and felt her legs and panties and then later she said she would go and she told me to get undressed and sheâ€™d give me a massage. She massaged my back and rear and kissed my rear and it was wonderful. We kissed and I put my hand inside her panties and felt her with one motion. Then she left and said, â€œIâ€™ll see you tomorrowâ€ and I fell asleep. She is about 5â€™6 Â½â€. Irish but speaks French, speaks good English. Soft brown hair to one side. Small breasts. Beautiful body.
She said that her escort Louis was jealous of me because she looks at me when we play. She says I am the best in the group but that we are all great. She says she loves my voice so well. She says if she had the money sheâ€™d like to rent the Montreal stadium and invite everybody saying that the Beatles were coming but instead when they came she would have us there instead. She says she is often very sad on the ship and that she has never made love to Louis because he does not turn her on. The chief caught us making out.
December 16th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Today I achieved intimacies with 2 girls â€“ Sharon and Barbara. This entry runs from when I got up today at about 3 p.m. until December 17th at about 6:15pm because that is when I finally said my waking goals and got up out of bed and ate dinner. You see, I classify my days or entries from the time I say my waking goals until the next time I say my waking goals. I fucked Barbara twice on the afternoon of the 17th and Sharon and I were in my cabin kissing and such from about 6am until about 9:16am on the 17th. It is really incredible the amount of girls I have been with in the last few days â€“ I love it. This boat is a great place to meet girls. I will explain the details of the day and experiences in the supplement.
Well, let me see. I got up at about 3 p.m. and walked around the boat looking for Lyn, to see if I could find her. I talked to Fred, Lynch, Gigi and Sharon, finding them all laying on the deck â€“ but no Lynn. I did the usual evening preparation of eating dinner (a wonderful Broiled Sirloin Steak) and the boys and I went over a few songs. After we performed tonight we were all (Sharon, Cyndi, Fred, Etc.) sitting around in the Point After Club and when they all got up I let them go on without me. I went to the Grand Ballroom and I no sooner struck out a few chords on the piano than a rather homely girl startled me from behind. She said she was attracted to and wanted to meet Fred â€“ I began to talk with her and I invited her up to my room and we tried to have a rum and water drink with no ice, but it was awful so we went to the Showboat Lounge where Fred and the group were there and Barbara, the girl who was with me, did not go in, but I went in, got 2 glasses with ice, cherries and straws and I got a Coke. We, Barbara and I, went to my room, made a drink with my rum and went to the Kiddy Pool, the only secluded place on the boat.
We drank our drinks and started kissing. After awhile Sharon walks into the enclosure and I said, â€œBarbara, excuse me for a minute I want to speak to Sharon.â€ I told Sharon that I felt terrible because I would much rather have been with her. I asked her what she was doing in the area and she said she was looking for me. I whispered that I would like to meet her in the grand ballroom in 15 minutes and she said O.K. and left. I turned to Barbara and we were together there for about 10 minutes when I said that I would have to leave and when she found out that I was going to visit Sharon she threw her arms around my neck and she would not let go of me â€“ at first I thought it was amusing but when I found out she really wasnâ€™t willing to let go I got concerned and rather forced myself away from her. She walked as far as the steps with me and when she wouldnâ€™t tell me her cabin number because I wanted to maybe see her later I left, disgusted.
I went to the grand ballroom and at first I didnâ€™t see Sharon because she was on the other side and then I met her. We sat down for a Moment and I said, â€œYou wonâ€™t feel awkward in my room?â€ And she came with me to my room. We talked and kissed and lay down on my â€œcouchâ€ together and it was so nice. I told her how much I liked her. Eventually I even got my leg between hers. At about 9:10 a.m. she finally left. We had kissed and had a good time. I told her that I liked her very much and she was so gentle and sweet and cute that it made her a joy to be with. I fell asleep and at about 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon someone knocked on my door. I told them to come in â€“knock again- â€œcome inâ€ again and finally I got up and it was Barbara from last night.
She entered my room and I got in bed again and then got up and put on deodorant, brushed my teeth and put some Jovan on and got back in the sack while she sat beside. We kissed and then she lay down outside the covers and we made out. Eventually we talked about sex. I explained how physically it was right and only the codes of society implanted in the brain caused turmoil inside her. She said that her feet were cold so I suggested she get under the covers â€“ she did and eventually she took off her pants, panties and top and her body didnâ€™t look half bad and we made love. I rather apologized for not taking long and she said for her it was like hours since her boyfriend was such a terrible lover â€“ quoted her as saying, â€œAlan only lasts for 30 seconds.â€
I rather bragged that I usually like to take up to about 25 minutes and told her weâ€™d do it again later. Shortly before her mention of leaving we started getting horny again and made love but my boast didnâ€™t hold up as I came about 3 minutes into it; nevertheless it was probably wonderful for her. Check! After the normal â€œrelaxationâ€ post love making she got dressed and with the idea that weâ€™d look at the stars together tonight she left and I got dressed, said my goals and went to dinner. I omitted the occurrence in the Kiddy enclosure Barbara told me that her body was only for her boyfriend â€“ when Sharon entered and I talked to her I asked her â€œIs your body only for your boyfriend?â€ and she said, â€œIt depends on the circumstancesâ€ or something perhaps a little more conservative than that.
I must say here diary that I had no idea that Sharon liked me but I believe it is apparent now. I didnâ€™t press the question, â€œWhy were you looking for me?â€ When we returned to my cabin, but when she would not answer I said, â€œO.K. Iâ€™ll answer it myself â€“ you were looking for me because you wanted to see me.â€ I must mention at this point that I have received may compliments on my cologne â€“ Jovan and that the times Iâ€™ve worn it â€“ 1975 and 1977 I seem to make well with the girls.
December 18th, 1977 â€“-
Sunday â€“ This entry runs from 8:15 p.m. today until about 4:50 a.m., when I will go to sleep. I awoke at about 8:15 p.m. and got ready to perform. I told Tom how I loved Lynn and he gave me a note from Sharon, which read â€“ â€œJeff, you are one of the lowest creatures that walks and I do mean lowest you lying bastardâ€¦ and so on. I hope your little French dish satisfied youâ€¦ and so on. Your loathing acquaintance. Sharon. Thank God I donâ€™t have to see your face again.â€ A delightful little note.
We performed and the crowd was awful and afterwards I came up to my room and then had a drink in Donâ€™s room with the H.R.â€™s â€“ I wrote about the 16th in my diary and went to bed late, and went to bed exhausted. All I could think of was how much I loved Lynn and how much I liked Sharon and how I could spend my entire life with either of them.
During my waking hours today I talked often with Tom about my love for Lynn and he seemed to understand and he seemed to be impressed with my sincerity and ability to love so strongly and my compassion for women. He said that lately I have been looking like Bogart (Humphrey Bogart) and I said that â€œIâ€™m transforming in front of your eyesâ€ and he said, â€œYes.â€ Then he added, â€œBut youâ€™ve always been bitchinâ€™.â€ I must admit I do feel awfully cool.
December 19th, 1977 â€“-
Monday â€“ Today I awoke at about 1:30 p.m. and spent almost the entire day writing in my diary. I wrote 41 pages in my supplement. Mainly about my encounters with Lynn. I think of her and at times Sharon and Iâ€™m surprised at how strong my affection is for Sharon, almost continuously and itâ€™s rather pleasant and comforting but surely involuntary. I stare out from the sun deck inside into the waters and see her. I want her to be my constant companion much of the time in the first few years of my fame. Like I told her last night. I expect to see her again and I want her to be my girlfriend. At dinner tonight Tom said that he thought Lynn was a 12 and when I told Fred that my rating scale didnâ€™t measure Lynnâ€™s beauty he understood saying the scale doesnâ€™t measure her. When I told him she was a 15 he didnâ€™t seem opposed or surprised.
Last night the crowd was awful but tonight they quieted down and were now polite. After we played tonight I smoked some dope (very little) and drank some. Courvoisier V.S.O.P. Brandy with Fred and a guy named John down the hall. John played a great song by Duke Ellington, Harvey James (and some other guy) called Everything But You. It had great chords in it like F7 B9 and such. I stayed up talking to a girl named Patti until about 8am, ate breakfast and went to bed.
December 20th, 1977 -/
Tuesday â€“ Still all day long Lynn is in my mind, it is not unpleasant but I see her so much in my mind. I slept until about 4:30 p.m. and then played a teenage party, had rib roast for dinner, then bought a picture the ship photographer had taken of Sharon and friends, which I plan to send to her as a peace offering. Then we played a singles party and there are really no good-looking available girls on this boat this week, well, maybe 3. I was considering making part of my goals to court and love Lynn, but I donâ€™t know how to word it and not only that I have already won her heart, I think. I keep wondering how much she likes me, but then it hit me â€“ she made love to me, gave me a blowjob and said many nice things, made advances â€“ every time a girl has ever done that to me it meant she wanted to see me.
After we got done playing tonight I went up to the Showboat Lounge â€“ (By the way the kids on this weekâ€™s cruise have sided with us and they are really great now) â€“ well anyway at about 5 to 3 am, I was walking out and Mel Gaynor grabbed my arm and asked if I wanted a drink. He happened to be sitting next to Patti, so I had a drink and I listened about London and England and Patti left and I had just finished my drink so I excused myself, called out to Patti â€“ we went to my room to talk and she ended up staying the night and we made love twice. 2nd time was good and I found it more exciting to keep my eyes open and watch the festivities â€“ why not? Wherever did we learn to play love with our eyes closed? So from now on I think Iâ€™ll keep my eyes open unless I really prefer to close them when Iâ€™m making love. Now for the 3rd day in a row a vision of Lynn is ever present before me. I see her everywhere I look â€“ well in the back of my mind â€“ she must love me. If I were able to go to Montreal and call her sheâ€™d be overjoyed.
December 21st, 1977 â€“-
Wednesday â€“ Well Patti left early in the morning and I awoke at 2:15 p.m. by having Eric, my room steward knocking at my door. Tom, Don and I went to a coin laundry and washed our clothes and I had 3 beers. It was actually great fun and I enjoy Donâ€™s company more and more every time I see him and I talk with him still I see Lynn everywhere I go and I hope it continues because I want my visions of her to be plentiful so as to be a strong influential reminder of her enough to make me see her again â€“ and I want it to be like our relationship was an order from heaven â€“ it was something that was meant to be. I want to be with her many times and places. We played tonight and afterwards I got stoned with Hock and a few guys from the jazz band. Tom and I stayed up until breakfast and we had breakfast and then went to bed.
December 22nd, 1977 //
Thursday â€“ Today I was sort of miserable. I slept until 6:30 p.m. or 7 p.m. and got up and ate dinner. We didnâ€™t have to work tonight so I just wandered around hoping to find and fuck Patti but she was with Mel Gaynor, so I ended up having one drink after another bought for me mainly from some guy who was from the high school and felt guilty for having given us a bad time on the first few nights. I got pretty drunk and finally came back to my room at about 5am probably. I am almost constantly thinking about Lynn and occasionally about Sharon and how much I miss them. But I donâ€™t feel like writing too much to her because there is only one thing really to say â€“ I want to see you again!
December 23rd, 1977 /-
Friday â€“ Today I felt terrible when I awoke at a little after 2pm I went out and lied on the deck for a while and then took a sauna and a swim downstairs at the coral pool. We played our sets and it was a typical night with this audience â€“ no matter how excited they got it still wasnâ€™t quite right probably because there are too many guys and too few girls. After we finished playing I went to my room and was going to retire but I decided to go to the Showboat, where I met a girl named Cathie Plouff, 17 years old from Los Altos in California near where I used to live and we went to the observation deck and kissed once and then went to my room and just before she left I couldnâ€™t resist anymore and I kissed her and we made out for about 7 minutes.
Then I walked her to the top of the stairs and we embraced and kissed and said goodnight. Before she left my room I let her know that Iâ€™d like to see her tonight. I donâ€™t know if she would make love but tomorrow night is Christmas Eve so who knows what will happen! Sheâ€™s really nice and rather cute. It rather alleviated the pain of being away from Lynn to be with someone I liked. I feel better now.
December 24th, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today I felt great when I awoke at a little after 2. I felt better because I had met Cathie â€“ it was the first girl since Lynn that I felt anything for. When we came out on stage tonight one of the guys who had apologized by buying me a lot of drinks a few nights ago had the stupidity to say â€“ â€œLeave the juke box on â€“ itâ€™s better than the Beatleâ€™sâ€ â€“ so once again I had to go into the audience and reprimand his actions. We quit early â€“ at about 2 am due to the rudeness of some other guy and Cathie and I went outside up to the Promenade Deck and we made out. It was great fun. Then we went to my room and made out even more but we had all our clothes on and she said she had to be in by 3 am. Before she left I told her it wasnâ€™t easy to meet girls like her and then have them leave. I played the piano, talked to a guy from Persia and retired.
December 25th, 1977 -/
Sunday â€“ This week started off with a bang â€“ not a pop! â€“ just a bang, but it is going to be a fun week. First thing I awoke and drove to Leeâ€™s house and Ted let me in (Lee is in Tallahassee) and I had 11 letters for me waiting there and 10 were from girls â€“ 5 from Lenora, 2 from Maureen, one from Sharon, Cindy and Barbara. It was a pleasant surprise. I stayed at the house and wrote letters to Lynn and Sharon, then drove to the post office and mailed them, along with a previous letter and picture of herself for Sharon. In both â€“ all 3 letters I told them how much I loved them.
When we performed tonight I wore my vest and pants and shirt of blue that Denise bought me. (By the way, Lenora left a message for me with Ted that sheâ€™ll arrive next Saturday night and probably sleep at the airport, and Iâ€™ll see her Sunday.) At about 1 am, coming back from the dining buffet I saw a real cute girl talking to Fred and Don so I moved in, and left with her (cause we didnâ€™t have to play a fourth set) and took her to the top of the boat where we made out for about 35 minutes and came to my room and kissed til she left at 4:20 a.m.). Her name is Susan Cotner and I think she is a solid 7 Â½. (5â€™1â€ tall â€“ blonde hair â€“ very long, blue eyes.)
December 26th, 1977 â€“-
Monday â€“ Susan Cotner woke me up this morning and before she left my room we kissed once. It was 7:30 a.m. I dressed, went down to the cafeteria, had eggs Benedict and set off for Nassau. The weather was nasty. I set on foot straight into the island and walked for about 3 miles til I arrived at â€“ (I think it was â€œTomâ€™s Placeâ€) a bar, where I had a beer â€“ Jesus â€“ it was only 9:15 am and I talked to the bartender about the island. I got back at the boat at about 10 a.m. and played the piano for about 45 minutes. Then I went up and slept until Susan and her friend came into my room at about 12:20 a.m. They left after a nice chat and I went to lunch. After lunch we practiced until about 5pm and then I slept until about 6:45 am and I ate 2 veal dinners.
After dinner I slept until I had to get ready to go on. While we were playing Susan was sort of being aloof. After one set I went over to her and said, â€œThanks for ignoring me. Iâ€™ll leave you alone so you can have a good time but I want you to know I donâ€™t appreciate it.â€ Shortly after that I sat down next to a girl I had been talking with before that day and while I was talking to her a real cute girl and her friend were practically gawking at me so I said hello and a Moment later we were talking and I found out her name was Joy. I was telling her about my sore throat so she went down or sent her sister down to get some Sucrets.
We went down to the buffet together, along with a few others. Anyway, at the end of the night I bumped into her and Marsha and we went strolling around the deck arm in arm for hours. Joy kept pinching me and tickling me and I really wanted Marsha to leave. Finally she had to go to the bathroom and Joy and I kissed, passing the Sucrets into each otherâ€™s mouths. Marsha came back and we sat down inside and towards morning they walked me to my door. I went in and laid down on the bed in the dark and Joy came in. Marsha kept sticking her head in saying theyâ€™d better go and finally Joy took off her purse, handed it to Marsha and said â€œstart walkingâ€ â€“ so Marsha did. Joy looked at my stuffed animal and said she had two of them and I merely acknowledged what she had said. So she looked at me and fell on top of me and started kissing me. We kissed for a few minutes and then she left saying, â€œIâ€™ll see you tomorrowâ€ â€“ like she really meant it, closed the door and I fell asleep.
December 27th, 1977 â€“-
Tuesday â€“ I didnâ€™t awake until about 4:15 p.m. and I had to get up because we were scheduled to play at a teenage party â€“ which we did and then we ate dinner. I had prime rib. After dinner we had to play for the singles party. I was with Joy after that â€“ well to be exact- right after the singles party I found Susan and had a talk with her about why she was acting aloof â€“ we kissed along kiss as friends and then I found Joy. I left her and straightened up my room and then we performed. After the first set I talked to Susan and her friend and after the 2nd set I took Joy up to our floor where we live and made out with her â€“ sheâ€™s got real nice tits. I was really horny. I went back down and put my arms around Sharon and said, â€œYouâ€™re gonna be so lonely on this boat,â€ and she said, â€œWell if we hang around together and have to kiss once in a while thatâ€™s O.K.â€ When we finished playing Hock was leaving with Marsha and Susanâ€™s friend Diana said she wanted to meet Tom so I arranged it with Tom that Susan, Diana, him and me would meet at 3:15 am in the Showboat lounge. I left with Joy and we went to my room. I had her bra off and her blouse unbuttoned and we made out until late into the night. I walked her to her door, came back up, played the piano and retired for the evening. It was great fun.
December 28th, 1977 -/
Wednesday â€“ Tonight I made love to Joy and it was a lot of fun. I also ate her out and that was a lot of fun too. Susan Cotner woke me up today and I saw Joy and made a date to meet her at 5:30 p.m. at the Point After Club. I had a meeting with Rex and ate lunch and spent the day with Susan and Diana at the castle San Juan, which is really neat. When I returned I was playing the piano and Joy came up. We went to my room (oh yeah her Mom caught us kissing and said, â€œI donâ€™t mind that but make sure it doesnâ€™t get fartherâ€) and I fingered her for a while and we made out. I had dinner and Joy came to my room at 9:20 p.m. and I undid her buttons and zipper on her pants and made out and then we went to a staff party where the H.R.â€™s played for 1 hour and 20 minutes.
After Joy and I went to my cabin and while she was kneeling on my bed looking at the porthole in the deck I undid her pants and started licking her for about 20 minutes. Eventually I just took off my pants and the rest of her clothes on impulses and after we had a short talk about pregnancy and her boyfriend we made love for about 7 minutes. It was really neat to make love with a girl with such a nice body. It was great fun! Afterwards we lay there and talked and had a good time and then left and went to the grand ballroom and I played piano and she sat right next to me and kissed me while I was playing. I walked her to her door and we said weâ€™d meet at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the Point After Club and that sheâ€™d try to wake me up tomorrow.
About pregnancy â€“ after I removed all our clothes and I picked up my dick (she was laying on top of me) to put it in her wet cunt she said she didnâ€™t want to. I asked her when her last period was and she said it ended a few days ago so I said, â€œThen you canâ€™t get pregnantâ€ and she said she knew (because a girl is normally only fertile 10-14 days after her period). Then I told her that I knew she had a boyfriend cause she had a male class ring on her finger. So we made love as I began to come I pulled out and came outside her vagina to reduce the risk of pregnancy. I also asked her before we made it if sheâ€™d tell her Mama and she said there was no way sheâ€™d say a word about it to her mama or her boyfriend. After we fucked she seemed happy and content with me and sort of loving which made me feel real good. Iâ€™m starting to say nice things to her occasionally now â€“ and oh yes. I got 4 color Polaroidâ€™s of her today.
December 29th, 1977 â€“/
Thursday â€“ Again today I made love to Joy. We came to my room after watching the ship sail and I slipped off her shorts and went down and kissed her vagina repeatedly â€“ when I say kissing a vagina I mean licking, sucking, etc. Then we laid there for awhile and I eventually took off my pants and we laid there a while and then I had her lay on top of me and I inserted my penis into her and we pumped a few times and then I turned her on her back to the missionary position and I held back as long as I could in her sweet body and then I pulled out as I ejaculated but I think the first spurt went into her. We got up and we went out on the deck and looked at the stars. I went to eat â€“ she walked me down to the floor.
After my Cornish Hen dinner I came to my room and got ready and Joy came by at about 9:30 p.m. and walked me down there and carried one of my cases. We were great on stage tonight. Her mother called her in early so we couldnâ€™t fuck again, but she is supposed to come by tomorrow morning.
Now I got back to the beginning of the day. Joy came by and she went with me to St. Thomas in the afternoon. I picked up the ring Lenora had got me and had an Arbyâ€™s Roast Beef and got some sun walking to and from the boat. Joy is a joy to be with. When we came back to the boat we laid outside and then looked at the sailing of the boat and that is where the previous entry of today begins. After, when I brought Joy back to her cabin, after we had talked on the steps, as the only place her Mom would allow her to go, it started really becoming apparent to me how much Joy likes me â€“ itâ€™s like sheâ€™d do so much for me if I asked her to get me a Coke she would and on â€“ and on the other hand I like her quite a bit too. She is quite a little gal and will probably grow up to be a beauty. I have the best of times whenever I am with her. Sex and everything is so neat with her cause sheâ€™s so wide-eyed and bushy tailed.
I told her to come to my cabin and come in tomorrow and get in bed with me. After I left Joy I saw Jon from the other band we smoked some of his gold-good dope. I came to my cabin and read the 9 letters from the girls and I couldnâ€™t believe it. Really diary, I feel like stud and great lover and real special type person. Sharonâ€™s letter was so nice. I do want to see her again. Barbaraâ€™s letter was nice too. Maureenâ€™s were boring as usual but Lenoraâ€™s really going overboard â€“ she calling me Adonis and talking like Iâ€™m the greatest lover she could imagine â€“ Nice! Oh â€“ one other thing diary â€“ something very good has been happening on that stage of late. For one thing we finally have the vocals loud enough â€“ and that has been one of the mainstays of the group, so to speak, since the beginning. And also we are getting tight. I think that I am causing the aura we seem to be developing. I just get psyched up and Iâ€™m starting to really feel that weâ€™re the best band in the world. Iâ€™m starting to be able to sing with pride. I think Iâ€™m great on stage.
December 30th, 1977 â€“-
Friday â€“ Joy woke me up this morning she was in her athletic trunks and I took her clothes off of her after I had her get under the covers â€“ and I made love to her right then and there. I added 3 variations today with her because we were in bed from 11:30 a.m. til 1:50 p.m. and after the initial time I inserted 3 different times where I didnâ€™t have orgasm but just fooled around and then stopped. I went to lunch, came back, played guitar, fell asleep, woke up, went to dinner, came back, played guitar and then got ready to perform.
We were great again tonight. Itâ€™s something thatâ€™s starting to happen. I for one, lose my fear and I think the rest of the guys pick up on that. I congratulated each guy after we were done tonight. When we finished playing at about 2:17 am. Joy and I went into my room. She didnâ€™t want me to take anything off of her for some unknown reason so we talked for hours in which I told her the truth about her being a movie star potential and how Iâ€™d like to see her again. At about 5:45am I said â€œplease take off your pantsâ€ â€“ she said â€“ â€œIs the door locked?â€ I said, â€œNoâ€ and she said, â€œlock it.â€ And I did and we made love.
When we made love then it was the best yet with her. It was during that I realized, and I hope this doesnâ€™t sound corny, what a joy it is to make love. We were just going away and it felt so damn good- not only physically but something added â€“ the realization of how great what I was doing was. I was just happy as a clam. Afterwards, she was getting dressed â€“ it must have been shortly after six and there was knock on my door. We were both as quiet as mice and the person went away. We snuck outside and then we saw Marsha and Joyâ€™s mother (in her bathrobe) out on the deck looking for her, so I split and she went to them. Before we left my room Joy said sheâ€™d try to figure a way to come to my room tomorrow and I said if not I would meet her in the Point After Club at 3 p.m. and she said if she could make it. Iâ€™m a little concerned although it is most likely nothing more will come of it.
December 31st, 1977 â€“-
Saturday â€“ Today, tonight was a classic. I experienced the finest single sexual experience of my life tonight with Joy. At about 11 p.m. Joy and I went to my room. We hardly said a word and lay down on my bed. She had black dress on and I pulled down her panties and ran my tongue up and around her vagina and caressed it with my moth. I kissed her, then removed my pants and went inside of her and move slowly around and made love for about 5 minutes, maybe more, but time loses its clarity in some situations, and when I began to orgasm I didnâ€™t move outside of her but came inside of her and she seemed to just swoon and laid there with her eyes closed for about 20 minutes in the most comfortable position I have ever been in, in my life. As we were getting dressed the ship horn sounded the New Year and we kissed.
In the beginning of the day I saw Joy as I was walking back to my room and she had just left my door looking for me. The entire day she was saying how she couldnâ€™t come to my room and we were on my stairs and I got so fed up that I left about 10 minutes later she came bursting into my room overflowing with goodwill and she didnâ€™t still want to get naked so I talked with her and she said she just doesnâ€™t want to make love like all the time â€“ just like it was a habit. Before she left we were kidding each other and grabbing each other and told her to come to my room and walk me down to perform.
I played the guitar and wrote some bitchinâ€™ songs and parts of songs today. I ate and got ready and Joy came to my room with a friend and I was a little pissed off because I felt she had brought her friend along for safety â€“ so I was pissed and her friend took off and Joy and I walked down together and I was cold as ice to her. Likewise I was cold as ice all during our set and afterwards at 10:45pm the jazz band was scheduled to perform on our stage so we had a long break. Joy was a little shook up and was ready to do anything I asked. She asked a few times, â€œWhatâ€™s wrong?â€ and I always replied, â€œNothing!â€ We walked to near the bottom of my stairs and I was determined not to ask her anything such as, â€œWill you come to my roomâ€ or â€œWill you make love.â€ I simply said, â€œIâ€™ve got to go to my room.â€ And she said, â€œCan I come?â€ And I said, â€œYesâ€ and we got there and she asked me, â€œCan I take off my shoes and I said, â€œYes.â€
And then we did as I wrote in the main diary and made the most beautiful love I have ever done in my life. After we laid there, she seemingly sleeping and we left my cabin right after the New Year had been sounded in, I was in a delirium of joy and we went downstairs and I had champagne as everyone was celebration we danced a slow dance and the group played a dynamic set and then Joy and I tripped around and finally went to my cabin and she saw me to bed and we talked and kissed til maybe 4:30am and she left saying sheâ€™d be back in the morning with a picture of herself that I had requested. I was so happy I didnâ€™t want to make love again because I wanted to send her and myself off with a sweet time which for me was the lovemaking we did and the rest of the evening. We promised each other weâ€™d write to each other. I was being so cool-man. I didnâ€™t care about anything I was so happy and pleased with how willingly she had done everything in the bedroom earlier. When I said she reminded me of Marilyn Monroe she said everyone says that to her â€“ and I think with good reason â€“ thereâ€™s a lot of resemblance. I saw the New Year in happily â€“ never have I ever had so much fun with a girl as I have had with Joy.
â€œWhen I die I want my life complete in everyway. This should be achieved by making life on earth so that everybody â€˜knowsâ€™ what it is like to experience love.â€
To make my life complete, I must make everything that has come out of me, come back to me, and the only way I will be able to stand up to the truth of some of the things I have done before is through love.
Success is a â€œknowingâ€ feeling â€“ failure is a â€œwonderingâ€ feeling.
â€œFear is the greatest enemy of success â€“ defeat it!â€
â€œAct like youâ€™re really on top of things â€“ because nobody really is.â€
â€œAs hard as it may be, ignore the ridiculous things that bother you!â€
â€œIf you look at a map or globe of the world every night it will keep your mind on Adventure.â€
â€œDonâ€™t sell your possessions â€“ hold on to them.â€
â€œSide I â€“ Itâ€™s My Time â€“ What A Night â€“ Buried Treasure â€“ Romantic Nights â€“ What Your Mother Told You â€“ How I Miss My Friends.â€
â€œAll of the predictions that I make are merely supposed to be manifestations if the philosophy that you are the Master of Your Own Fate.â€
I never get depressed anymore â€“ when I donâ€™t have something or something is going wrong I just feel that as soon as something goes right I will feel as if nothing ever went wrong, so I just wait for that time. For example, if youâ€™re hungry â€“ as soon as you have one big meal you couldnâ€™t eat another bite â€“ you are no longer hungry. You could be hungry for a month but one good meal could dissolve that feeling of hunger.
Jeff Shea 4/1977