I dedicate
1978
to
FINANCE

A key to the colors of my diaries and the relation to the seven things to which I devoted myself to aspiring in my young days.

Yellow – Finance
Violet – Kindness
Orange – Adventure
Blue – Love
Green – Happiness
Pine – Entertainment
Red – Success

“The most beautiful feeling in life is when I get a glow all over myself that tells me I’m doing the right thing and life pours forth from me.”

January 1st, 1978 -/
(3/1272.5)
(L)(E)(F)
Sunday – I woke up to Joy bringing the picture she promised me. She sat on the side of my bed and we talked a little and kissed and said goodbye and promised each other to write one another and then she left and I went back to sleep. I don’t know what time it was when I awoke the second time, though I figured Joy first came in at 7:30 AM and when I re-awoke it was about 10:45 AM. This time Joy and all her friends and Marsha came in my room. I said goodbye to them and as Joy kept kind of in the back she left when they did and I laid in my bed and hoped that either she’d come back or not have come with them – because I didn’t want my last look at her to be an impersonal one. They had all gone to say goodbye to Tom and then Joy reappeared in my room and came to my bedside and we kissed and said goodbye one last time and promised we would write and said goodbye. I was very happy at that last show of her devotion.
I went back to sleep and I woke at five minutes to 1pm and I got dressed and tried to get those guys ready cause we had to play for debarkation at 1:30pm. I discovered that Don had gone home. I was totally discombobulated about Lenora coming on the boat when after having had such a perfect time with Joy. I saw Lenora and tried to avoid her and she saw me doing it and so I went to her and kissed her and then found out that 170 high school senior girls are on the boat this week. And I called Lee and he was not very happy so to alleviate the situation Fred and I drove into town and went to Burger King! When we got back our boss Mike Net was pissed off so we got the jazz drummer and went down and played a set and Lee came in. After the set I got a letter from Sharon Coates and a note from my bank confirming my balance of $1315.00. We discovered that we will be off the boat as scheduled next week and Lee said he’d try to find us a job for when we got off. This news was unhappy (about leaving the boat) and added to the material my brain had to compute.
Lee left at 5pm and after we were done playing and everyone left Lenora and I had a talk in which I really hurt her feelings by telling her I wanted to meet those high school girls. It ended up in her coming to my room and we made love and it felt good. I went and had dinner and discussed plans with the guys and when I came back she was still in my room and I told her to leave and she got pissed off and left. When we went down to perform many of the high school girls were there and they were very appreciative. They took all kinds of photos of us and I talked to a lot of them. We gave Barney of the Week to a guy named Rick Klane. When we were done, there was a 50 year-old woman, that I think was trying to pick me up as I played the guitar alone after everyone had left. I drank and smoked some pot with my friends and left a note at Lenora’s room that I wanted to see her tomorrow and I went to bed.

January 2nd, 1978 -/
(3/1275.5)
(L)(E)
Monday – I woke up today to Lenora sitting by my bedside so we made love. I left her (to go to Nassau with Fred). Fred and I just walked around since all the stores were closed because of New Years. When we got back to the ship Fred and I did a little practicing at the Point After and then we had the little lifeboat drill. After the drill Fred and I practiced a little more and then I went to my room and Lenora came up and we made love. Afterwards I went and ate dinner and I played my new songs for Hock but he didn’t get too excited by them. I took a nap and then we played. It was okay for the first 2 sets but then someone gave me a bad time because they didn’t think we played enough “dancing” music. I got pissed off and walked outside and refuse to play. I was also upset because Don had told me a little earlier in between the 2nd and 3rd sets that he wasn’t sure he liked the music enough to stay with the group.
First the girl who was rude to me came outside but I told her to go away. Then Tom tried to sweet talk me out of it but he left yelling out that I was a “fucking baby.” Finally, Fred came out and as I knew he would be he was understanding and sided with me on every point I made and he became upset himself. Then Tom and Rex came out. Rex was totally nice and he cheered me up by telling me how much worse he gets it for his performing, and, when I told him how I was afraid that we would not get a good recommendation from the boat he said he would type one up personally and give it to us before we left Sunday. I was happy.
We went inside to do another set and on top of my guitar case there was a note from a girl named Jane in which were multiple compliments on the group and which brought tears of warmth to my eyes which I tried to keep from the girls in the audience. We played one more set and the girls were very appreciative and then we called it a night. Lenora came and we went up to my room and made love again and then fell asleep. When we made love it was very intense. I feel like a great lover when I make it with her.

January 3rd, 1978 –
(2/1277.5)
(F)(L)(E)
Tuesday – I slept very late today due to my sore throat. I went to the doctor’s and got some spray for my throat and some Listerine with which to gargle. I had just gotten paid a short while before I went to the doctor’s — $250 and cash and understood that I’d receive the rest on Sunday next. I went back up to my room and I think Tom came in to speak with me and then Fred and after he left I went to sleep and Lenora came in. She sat on the side of my bed and produced a ring of white gold in a blue Lindy sapphire worth $169.75. I was fairly surprised, I must say she said it was my Christmas present and it was indeed a nice one, though too big for my fingers. We made love (for the fifth time this trip) then I showered and went and had a veal dinner. The guys and I went over a few songs before we performed tonight.
When we did go on it was a lot of fun because the girls were very attentive. They took a lot of pictures of us and I made a joke by being obvious that I wanted them to take all their pictures of only me. At 12:30pm we quit because a fairly famous group – the Grass Roots were playing in the grand ballroom. We played no more after that tonight. I met a girl named Leva Grego and we watched the Grass Roots for about 4 songs, and I had some coffee and we talked. We went to my room where Don, her and I smoked a joint Lenora had left in my room. We were pretty stoned and Leva and I took a walk up to the top deck and when there we kissed a few times and a little later we went inside and she said she had to go. So, I went to the Point After and talked to a number of the high school girls and kissed the hand of Jane who had left me the note the night before. When all the girls had to go in for their curfew, one girl, Irene Lamonte, told me to wait for her and she’d go to check-in and then sneak back.
I waited until 3:25am (which was probably about ½ hour) and she came back and we went to the next deck up and talked and then went to my room and talked til after 5am and I walked her part way back to her room. Things extra about today- one thing is that Tom said some guy was telling him he thought we were good and that he could get us a job in Ft. Lauderdale. Another thing, that girl Irene said that the girl Jane likes me. The last thing is that before we performed tonight I talked to Tom (and Fred, although Fred and I had discussed it previously) and the main points I said were: I want Don out and Charlie (the drummer from the Mardi Gras orchestra) in and I want to go to New York in February.

January 4th, 1978 –-
[-/1277.5]
(F)(E)(L)
Wednesday – I’m lying on my bed now the product of the good fortune in life I have been lucky enough to inherit. It has brought me to the point of the globe called Puerto Rico, on a ship, fucking a girl who has just taken me to a $50 dinner at a French restaurant, and here- what do I reflect on but 2 things: past loves of recent history in my life and the drummer who I want to join our ranks but I hesitate to ask because his technical talents far surpass those of the H.R.’s – it is Charlie – I don’t know his last name. My fortune now brings me with $1,350 in the bank, $220.00 cash and a recently acquired gold ring. I plan to be in New York February 20th and in England on May 8th. There is so much on my mind and right now I’m thinking of meeting with Lynn again, wonder what will happen here.
Walked straight to La Chaumiere, went in and sat down. Shortly a glass with a candle, place setting and menu were put into place and she ordered Escargots and Baby Lobster Tails and I ordered Crepe Marseille and Veau Mautaide. We also ordered a full bottle of the house wine. The bill came to something like $42.55 and with the tip Lenora paid $50.00 for the meal again, although I gave her $4 to help with the tip. It was an exquisite meal and I was in culinary bliss by the time we left. The meal was so perfectly executed in every way shape and form, service and food alike that I was amazed. After I finished my veal I had 2 of Lenora’s lobster tails (that she couldn’t finish) and it added to my delight.
We went back to the boat, partied and she arrived back in my room a short while afterward. We made love and then she left and I attempted to go to sleep. While I was dozing there came knocking at my door and it was Leva, so I got dressed and me and her went outside and kissed and then I walked her to her cabin. When I returned to my cabin there was a note from Diane Lamonte saying she had stopped by but I wasn’t there. I went in and went to sleep. At about 4:25am Lenora came in and woke me up so I was curt with her and she left and I slept so I could wake early.

January 5th, 1978 -/
[3.5/1281]
(A)(L)(E)
Thursday – Parts of today brought me a sort of joy and other parts brought me a sort of sadness, which were new to me in a way. The joy was this: Charlie woke me up at about 7:45am and we went into St. Thomas and rented Honda 90’s for $10 each and drove all over the island – what an experience! It was absolutely a beautiful place and it was a blast riding around on the motorcycles. The sorrowful part of the day was after I returned the motorcycle and I walked back to the boat and I thought how much I loved Lynn (and miss Joy) and how I may never receive her love and worse yet, that I might impose upon her. Well, I bought a bottle of wine in St. Thomas and came back to the boat and watched the movie “Annie Hall.” On the way back to the boat I sent Joy a postcard, as I did yesterday in San Juan.
I came back to my cabin after the show and fell asleep. Lenora woke me up at about 7:30pm and we made love. I went to dinner afterwards and got ready to perform and I was just ready to leave and Lenora came to my door. But I left and we took our separate ways to the Point After. A lot of girls were in there and they took so many pictures of us during the course of the night as to surprise me. After our first set I went and talked with Diane LaMonte and did so after every set.
At the end of the night we went to the deck above the club and I kissed her and we stood up there and kissed for a while. She said she’d come see me at 11am tomorrow and she left. I went back to my cabin and Lenora came in and we went to Don’s cabin and had a big discussion about the group and then Lenora and I went to my cabin and made love and she left.

January 6th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
[3/1284]
Friday – Today I was awoke by Eric, my room steward and a little afterwards Diane came in and we kissed, it was nice. After she left I wandered around and really didn’t do much. I had to get my blood test taken – I’ve got real red blood. I simply was not in the mood to perform tonight and it wasn’t very much fun. We had a meeting with the H.R.’s in which we decided that Don would be our manager but by the time this is being written I am already having my doubts about that. After we played tonight Lenora and I had some wine in my room and a fairly unpleasant discussion and then I said we shouldn’t speak anymore and she took off her clothes and tried to give me a blowjob (her 1st) and then we made love. I awoke later and made love again to her, which seemed to last for a long time – it was magnificent.

January 7th, 1978 –-
(L)
[1.5/1285.5]
Saturday – The most incredible thing happened tonight – with Jane – the girl who left me that nice note on Monday night. She told me ever since she first laid eyes on me she was crushed. She said she liked me so much that she was actually sick the first few days of the cruise and in a daze the whole week. She said she could barely look at me because she liked me so much. It was my turn to be crushed. I can’t remember when I have been confronted with a love so true and sweet. (It usually seems like I’m the one feeling it – no – not even me.) I told her how much I was disappointed in the fact she had not let me know how much I was disappointed in the fact she had not let me know earlier.
We went back to the lounge and after the next set we went to the kiddy pool and kissed and then to my room where we laid down and kissed and she melted at everything I did. It was so utterly romantic – as the mood progressed it was interrupted by Fred’s voice yelling into my room that everyone was looking for Jane so she had to leave, it was 3am, and we said we’d meet tomorrow at 7:30am at the kiddy pool. She left and I got Lenora out of Don’s room, and made love to her for the 13th and then 14th and last time.
When Lenora and I made love for the 13th time it was probably the best physical – purely physical sensations that I’ve yet had. I was so pumped up from having been with Jane that I was really horny and Lenora was kind of a fill in to release the desire I had for Jane at the Moment. I am so fucking disappointed that I had not known Jane earlier, I am sure I could have been fucking her all week. The last time I made love to Lenora was routine – she more or less said, fuck me, and I more or less followed suit because I am a nice guy. I saw Jane in a pair of athletic shorts earlier in the day and all of a sudden I realized that she was better looking then I at first supposed. When I came down to perform tonight one of Jane’s Friends said, “Make Jane happy tonight – not like all the other nights.” It was then that it really hit me that Jane must truly and really dig me – so I pursued the point and found out from her own lips it was true.

January 8th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)(A)(F)
[-/1285.5]
Sunday – Today Leva woke me up and sat on the edge of my bed and said very little but it was obvious she was heartbroken. It was about 9 am – I had not gotten up to meet Jane so I conned Leva into leading me to her, then I gave her the slip and took Jane to my room and we kissed and then we exchanged addresses and she suggested I come to the Mardi Gras and that she would love to see me. I walked her down to the bottom of the gangplank, kissed her and said goodbye. My heart has been busted all day, as I am sure hers is. I want to travel to New Orleans and see her – a love as true as hers will not die easily. She said I was a very special person. She’s such a kind girl that when she found out that Leva liked me she tried to help Leva get me – all the while her heart was breaking.
We dropped off some money and equipment at Lee’s – watched jazz during the afternoon and spent the night at the House of Taras - a piano player who just finished also playing on the ship. I felt bad giving Leva the slip this morning but my head was swimming over Jane – and Leva was telling me that Jane had gone to the kiddy pool in the early morning (that was to meet me) and I felt terrible not being there – I had to find her to let her know I liked her. We got paid $133.35 before we left the boat today. It was funny cause Lenora got off the boat too late and the purser cussed her out pretty hard cause he was sick of her attitude. I was too and I enjoyed it all day long and especially when night came my heart was aching – perhaps I am lucky we got off the boat when we did – it is pretty tough to be torn away from someone you really dig and who really digs you before you even get a chance to have your fill of them or their fill of you – in the evening it began to rain and I felt very melancholy and sad and lost and not up to much. It was relaxing and comforting at our friend Tara’s house. Onward.

January 9th, 1978 –-
(E)
[Monday – (Gotta write Marueen, Sharon, Barbara, Jane, Leva, Gammy, Dad, Mom, Donna, Cappa and Clymer, Bernadette, Joy, Taylor)]. O.K., Monday- Today we had breakfast with Tara, had a break-up with our manager Lee and had dinner in a $3 million dollar house and slept in a different house down the block. Lee couldn’t talk to us because he was so upset, so I became very pushy with his friend Ted over the phone and Lee came on and said, “Get your money and equipment out of this house – I’m sick of it!” – so we’re getting our stuff tomorrow. Then we had a burger and Fred phoned up his Mom’s friend in Miami Beach and she invited us over to dinner. We drove up to a mansion – the living room was huge. We had dinner (again!) and then her daughter took us out for drinks. We were invited to stay at a neighbor’s house – so after we were through drinking we went to her house and slept.

January 10th, 1978 -/
(E)
Tuesday – Today I called Lee up and I made relations between him and myself somewhat better. I think we understand each other now and at least we are still friends. Nevertheless we had to go over and get our equipment. We got taken to a place called the Bath Club, right on the beach, by Lorna and also were invited to dinner by Lorna and Mrs. Jansen invited us to stay at her house until Thursday when she has other guests coming in. I called Don but he’s not sure of anything yet. I began 15 letters tonight, 9 of them to girls and I hope to have them all mailed by tomorrow afternoon. We keep trying to call that guy in West Palm about a job, but nothing yet. The friend of Stephanie (at whose house we are a guest) gave us quite a few people to call (If and) when we go to England. Got letters from Joy and Sharon today.

January 11th, 1978 –-
(F)(L)
Wednesday – 4:40 pm I just finished sending $165.00 to my Grandmother, which repays fully the money she lent me. As of today at this time I have absolutely no debts and I have approximately $100 in cash and $1,350 in savings at my bank in Jacksonville. We had dinner again today at Mrs. Hiesler’s (Lorna’s). After dinner Webby, Tom, Stephanie, Fred, Ellen and I went to see a movie called ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind,’ which I thoroughly enjoyed. Afterwards Tom and Webley went their separate ways and Fred and Stephanie and me and Ellen started drinking Heineken at Stephanie’s mansion. Late into the night I kissed Ellen a few times and she kissed me back very well, but as far as it getting anymore intimate it did not and at about 5:10 am Fred and I stumbled the block and a half back to Dantzen’s and retired.

January 12th, 1978 -/
(L)(S)
(0/1285.5)
Thursday – I feel like about a million bucks right now – so serene, relaxed and gloating and an intuitive feeling of impending glory (that was written at about 6 pm. Now it is 1:30 am Friday morning as I finish this entry). Now on the other hand, in all honesty, I must write that I feel very sad. If you can understand this. I’m also very happy. I’m happy because we have found a place to stay for the next month – if Madame SeSe’s for only $75 each – and I am happy because I am healthy and doing well. I am sad for only one reason, lack of a girl. It is very simple diary – I am blissfully happy whenever I am with a girl and at times when there is no one around to love me I feel sad – I wish I was in some cute girls arms right now, but I am alone. I think of Jane, Joy, Lynn and Sharon.

January 13th, 1978 –-
(E)
(0/1285.5)
Friday – Today I mailed 14 letters and two postcards to most of the people I wish to keep in touch with. We are about as far from getting a job as we were last Sunday when we got off the boat. We saw Stephanie and Ellen off to the plane and Fred lost his wallet at the airport. We came back and ate Mrs. Hiesler out of house and home and then went back to our quarters at Madame SeSe’s. I took a page from a bundle of lyrics Tom had given me and wrote a song called “If You and I Were Called We” and I finished a tune of my own called “I’m Lonely and Sad.” So we have written 110 songs. It seems we are about as far from a second record contract as we have ever been and yes, diary, it is a little discouraging – Lee let us down quite a bit by not having anything for us and we got off the boat.

January 14th, 1978 //
(F)(S)
(.5/1286) “We need around $3,000.”
Saturday – I find that if I’m trying to visualize something in my mind’s eye – that it is the easier to do it if I half shut my eyelids so as to let less light in. It triggers my minds eye for some reason. Decided today that the H.R.’s need money; over and above what we need to survive on we need capital through which I can direct the mastermind plan which I am now, just tonight, dreaming up in my mind. I plan to make a network so neat and organized and effective that it will crack the record industry and enable the Hopeless Romantics to begin earning hordes of money by selling records. Since about 5:15 pm today I have suddenly felt a resurgence of power like I have not had since the day I got the vision to go to Europe on March 26, 1975. I’ve got to become the mastermind behind the success of the group, pre-think every stage of the way and then implement my plan with the help of my friends. Tom and Fred, with their vast resources of positive qualities.

January 15th, 1978 -/
(E)(S)
(1286)
Sunday – I feel awfully confident these days – like I am ready to bowl over any obstacle between my success and me – it is true that when the going gets tough the tough get going. I was dragging for the first few days after we got off the boat but now I am full of ideas and bubbling with enthusiasm. I’ll tell you one thing – I am such a god damned heterosexual I can hardly see straight. I feel like a stud with babes and I am totally wired into girls. There’s a lot of chicks that really dig me and it makes me feel good. My life revolves around girls and I plan to keep it like that. Well, today we took the first major step to getting work. We had a three-hour meeting with David Lennis and he’s setting up an audition on Thursday for us at which I’m sure will knock em’ dead. We went over to Don’s afterwards to watch the game. He said he’ll play Thursday.

January 16th, 1978 -/
(L)(E)
(1286)
(I also wrote letters to Sharon, Joy, Lynn, Jane and Maureen today but haven’t mailed them and I wrote a song called “Hey Hey Hey It’ll Be Okay.”
Monday – When all sorts of girls start telling you you’re good-looking and a great musician you start feeling pretty good about yourself – that is what is happening to the group at the Moment and the transformation in the collective personality of the group is very noticeable to me. It appears that Tom, Fred and me are all getting more confident and becoming the epitome of the devil may care attitude. I for one am experiencing a transformation I can feel every day and I feel so free and full of ideas and it seems to stem from the fact that I’m finally on my own, away from home – feels like all my mental resources are coming to the forefront to help me vanquish all problems hindering my success.
Today we found out that the audition Thursday is a definite engagement. Ran many errands. I got receipts from Gammy for my repayment and I got letters from Sharon and Joy. Sharon is really stuck on me. Our van is not running well today. That’s a serious problem.

January 17th, 1978 –/
(E)(S)(L)
(1286)
Thursday – One of the advantages to being a songwriter is the joy of having something created for the first time. It’s like having your favorite song on the radio, only you get to hear it over and over and you’re the only one on your block who even knows about it, and you know it’s good because it moves you. I’ll lay back and close my eyes and listen to myself singing and wonder what the fuck life is all about – do you realize how lucky you are to be in this great experience of life? – and I sing about love and my whole body tingles so I know love and girls must be an important thing. It’s really important to just lay back and appreciate what a great mystery we are living and to enjoy. After dinner tonight I went out and ran, got my blood going. I called my Pop and we had a nice chat on the phone. Guess whom I can’t get off my mind – Joy!! – that little girl has actually captured my heart!

January 18th, 1978 -/
(E)(L)
(2/1288)
Wednesday – We had a long talk tonight about our plans about this trip we are on. The gist of it is that if there was no group that we’d all be traveling anyway – so the worst that will happen is we’ll all get to see the world anyway. As far as our plans I’ve been telling them just now that I have a hunch our success lies in New Orleans. There are girls there that want to see us play – it’s an in and I want to exploit that opportunity. I got a letter from Joy. Fred got one from Leva – it said they wanted us to play at their school. We practiced with Don today at his friend’s house on Cutler Ridge – we went over nearly 40 songs. It was great to play electrically again. I made up a master list of all the girls I’ve had some romantic contact with in my life and discovered since we’ve been on this trip I’ve had more success than ever before.

January 19th, 1978 –-
(E)
(.5/1288.5)
Thursday – There we were at 7:30 pm tonight at the Roseland Ballroom at Casablanca Hotel on Miami Beach. We had our equipment all set up and everything – but the crowd, I tell you there were only a handful of people namely the guys in the band, who were under 65 years of age. One thing the older generation has learned though and that is to be polite as hell regardless of whether or not the act is good. They clapped nicely after every song. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Afterwards, Tom, Fred and I and David Lennis smoked some grass in Dave’s car and discussed plans to further the name of the Hopeless Romantics. One thing I’ll say for Dave, he’s hungry. He has a weekly income of $20. He absorbs all we say.

January 20th, 1978 –-
(E)
(1288.5)
Friday – 1. I’m an organizing nut. It must be to 3 am by now and I’m just done organizing for the night. I’ve been at it for hours. I want to get so organized that I can carry all of my stuff in just a few traveling bags; yet have all my stuff with me. I guess it’s my way of getting ready for Europe and tours and such. I don’t want to leave my files behind.
2. David got us an audition for tomorrow at 2 pm at McGowan’s on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. It was funny. He said he might also need me as a model for clothes. It blew me away that he specified me and didn’t mention Fred.
3. I feel so damn relaxed. All day long I enjoyed myself. I felt every sensation vividly in my body. It all felt good. I’m not on drugs. What could it be? Something’s coming over me. We’re stoked for tomorrow.

January 21st, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(.5/1289)
Saturday – Went over past sexual experiences – ruled out all shaky relationships and contacts and siphoned out 52 legitimate names of girls I have had at least French kissed romantically with. Of those I’ve had intercourse with only 15. It doesn’t seem like much to me. It’s all in my records of romance and love in detail. My opinion of myself seems to be that as long as I still am recalling instances in which I call the girls by name, I am not having enough lustful encounters with young wenches. I got a long distance phone call from Lenora today! We didn’t get the job at McGowan’s today because we played to “Rocky” for the manager’s taste – but he bought us a round of drinks before we left. So now I am definitely going to go to the Mardi Gras unless we get a paying job before February 1. That’s 10 days away. I may have to borrow from Gammy again because we are running low.

January 22nd, 1978 –-
(E)
(1289) “Had a pleasant day did nothing in particular.”
Sunday – Whether the group will be successful or not is one thing but I’ll be damned if the tides aren’t turning in the music business to allow a group like ours to make a splash. The “new wave” groups from England are coming out and old rock ‘n roll seems to be making a resurgence on the musical scene. In addition a negative attitude seems to be sending disco and a lot of other crap music on its way out. The call for tomorrow seems leaning towards more true excitement – not from electronics, but from the performers themselves. I might mention that although the want of Patty Mallon seems to throw the master formula of this group off. I wrote in the original conception of the band that the band complete might contain “totally” different personnel then Paddy, Tom, Fred and me. Two more notes: people seem to think it would take us about five years to make it in the summer of 1976 and Clymer said we’d nearly break up and finally become famous.

January 23rd, 1978 -/
(E)(L)
(1289)
Monday – The Hopeless Romantics at this time are pretty much broke and out of work. I’ve had a hunch for a week or so now and the hunch is that if we go to New Orleans we may secure not only work but also a following of Grace King girls and get some good exposure. The trip to the Mardi Gras was discussed today as an official H.R. meeting in which we start and end it by a slap of our hands on the table. We’re planning to leave February 1 and return February 8.
In a letter from Jane which I picked up today (I got two from Jane, one from Joy, and one from Kathie Plauff – and sent Jane that stuffed Snoopy and letter’s to Jane, Joy, Sharon, and Maureen and postcards to Cappa & Clymer and Leva Grego) she said she’ll be with me a lot if I come from Mardi Gras because she think she loves me. In order to get that tape which Lee gave to the cruise lines I called Mike Net, who informed me that we may get a job on the Carnival in a month. Tonight we smoked some Kona Gold with a good friend named Rob Gort from Burlingame who has moved to Fort Lauderdale.

January 24th, 1978 –-
(L)(F)
(1289)
Tuesday – I’ve been so cool ever since I met Lynn – I reserve all my feelings for her somewhere in my head, knowing all along that she took my heart back with her to Montréal. But tonight when I open her letter which I got today and saved to open just before I went to sleep, and discover, particularly in surprise, but inwardly always aware of her love, that she is actually still interested in me, my whole psyche is turned over to the thought of her, whom I love. Her letter, in summation, upheld one little statement she made in my arms, one romantic night when we first met, “I hope you are not bluffing me like the others” – her letter, as I said, seems to uphold that she really meant it. But I’ll remain cool as a cucumber with my friends. So what if a super beauty is infatuated with me – oh hell! If they only knew – but I really do feel calm. Today called Gram and she’s going to send me $190 tomorrow. Bon vivant.

January 25th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
(1289)
Wednesday – I wrote the music to three sets of lyrics today – correction – to four sets tonight. In order; I Could Kick Myself, Getting Put Up For The Night, Don’t Leave Me Hangin’, and I’m Determined to Be Your Man. We had a good meal at Lorna’s tonight. I got letters from sister Donna and a letter from Lenora, which was really raunchy. Lenora, I think, escapes the idea of love – it leaves a bad taste in your mouth if when you don’t respond as your lover wants you to they turn on you and make accusations about your character – which is what Lenora did (and is doing) to me. Tomorrow Fred and I are going to a high school so I can pick out my part of the double date that Fred, Lori and I are going on Sunday. I phoned Don today and he said that if I call him from New Orleans that he will gladly drive up there to drum with us!!

January 26th, 1978 –-
(L)
(1289)
Thursday – I got a letter from Jane today and in it she told me all about how she and her cheerleading friends won an important cheerleading competition and very little about me or if she cared for me. What do I care if she won queen for a day – but God – how sweet it is to receive a letter from a nobody that loves you. Sweet love will fill my senses like nothing else. I think Jane loves me – it was just disheartening to hear about everything else but me. I went to Lori’s (a girl Fred met on the boat) cosmetology class today, with Fred and I picked out the girl I’d like to go out with on Sunday and she told Lori she’d do it and Lori seemed to think we match up well, before she even knew – so it’s great and on for Sunday – only one drawback – Heidi has got a case of V.D. – so no fuck for me Sunday – I don’t want to carry a case up in New Orleans. God dammit, Jane had better love me and pay all sorts of attention to me or else I’m not going to New Orleans. Bon soir.

January 27th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)(F)
(.5/1289.5)
Friday – Man, I feel good. I’ve just been out partying with Tom and Fred at Rob Gort’s house in Fort Lauderdale. When we arrived home around 3 am Tom and I went to Sambo’s for one of the most surprising meals of the year – we each have a hamburger with cheese, a salad, French fries and 3 cups of coffee. Each part of the meal was a 10 on a scale of 1-10. It was very surprising for $2.81. I just found out today that Heidi – the chick I’m going out with on Sunday went to the doctor and she doesn’t have clap (V.D.) anymore, so I’m looking forward to a fuck Sunday night.
I asked Rob for a joint or mentioned it and he offered – a joint of Kona Gold he gave me for the date on Sunday. Through Jane Jantgen, a friend of Lorna’s who’s a friend of Fred’s mother, I arranged for Fred and I to have our teeth cleaned tomorrow for $10 each by Dr. Pickett Miles. I got $190 from my grandma so don’t owe anything to anyone, since I squared with Tom and Fred, except my grandma, to whom I owe $200. I made some great improvements to “Hey Hey Hey It’ll Be Okay.” Looking forward to New Orleans.

January 28th, 1978 -/
(L)
(1289.5)
Saturday – Fred and I visited the dentist today. Dr. John Pickett Miles was truly a Southern gentleman. Would it be too much to say I’ve never met anyone like him in my life? Well, it is true. For $10 he cleaned my teeth and filled one cavity. I received a phone call from Lenora in the evening. She states she’s starting to forgive me for having ignored her on the boat. She says she feels badly that she took my ring away from me – so she’s talking about sending me down a gold ring with “diamonds” in it – I believe she’s serious. We while away our days down here at Madame SeSe’s and it is very pleasant, yes, but I wonder if perhaps we would be a bit more aggressive if we were out on our own in the van. I tell you, there is nothing much happening here, except for any interest I have incited in New Orleans.

January 29th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(1.5/1291)
Sunday– What started out two weeks ago to be a double date between Fred and Lori, Tom and Carla tonight cumulated in the date between me and a girl named Heidi Horn. I went over to her house and her parents weren’t there. She couldn’t go out. To resolve the problem of boredom I leaned over and kissed her – her arms immediately went around my neck and her mouth opened. I had to leave after a while of smooching since I wasn’t supposed to be there and her parents were coming home – she walked me out to my van and we kissed a bit and it was very nice. I said I liked her and she said it’d make her happy if I called her tomorrow between 6 pm and 10 pm. So I had a great little time and drove directly home. When I got back, Tom and I went to the beach and worked over some songs. Our latest songs are our greatest and it is good to see. That makes number 52 on my list and the 18th girl I’ve made out with since I turned 22 six months ago.

January 30th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(1/1292)
Monday – I got letters from Marcia (Joy’s best friend and housemate) and from Jane today. I sent letters to Joy, Jane, Sharon, Lenora, Barbara, Gammy, Mom, Donna, Bernadette and Cappa & Clymer, and I called Heidi, David Lennis & Don Rainey. Fred and I went over a few songs on our guitars at the beach tonight and when we came back Fred started to figure out how many chicks he has made out with on this trip. So far his figures show him at 21. I’ve kissed 24, made out with 19 and fucked 5. Joy’s friend Marcia told me in her letter that Joy’s boyfriend found one of my letters to Joy and asked her not to write to me anymore – but Joy wants to keep writing – and now I’ve got to send my letters to Marcia so Joy’s boyfriend can’t open them. And Marcia says we are welcome as her guests if we come to Poplarville, so Joy’s boyfriend can’t say anything. On Jane-front, I discover that Jane is absolutely Ga-Ga over me and apparently she’s got a lot of money. I should be looking at a good time come New Orleans. I called Heidi and told her I’d call her when I got back. Bon Soir.

January 31st, 1978 -/
(F)(E)
(1292)
Tuesday – Today, the daylight hours were consumed by us with the pursuit of fixing the van – we got a spare wheel drum, a new tire, a gas cap, a fuel filter and got the right chair welded for $16.44. Fred got his watchband fixed and then we drove to David Lennis and picked up our tape and pictures, in case we need them in New Orleans. When we got back to Madame Sese’s at about 7 pm I called Lee. I discovered that Jane Trufant had called him during the day, telling him that she had tried to contact the manager at the Front Page for us but had not yet reached him, and that she wanted to find out how she could contact me by phone. My friends and I had a meeting. It made us realize that the trip to New Orleans would leave us little money when we returned. Tom was a little concerned so I drove to a pay phone and called Jane collect in New Orleans. The first time I forgot to ask her if we should bring the equipment so I called again. She was way receptive and said we were invited to stay at her house.

February 1st, 1978 –-
(E)(A)(L)
(.5/1292.5)
Wednesday – Up today – load the van – drive to New Orleans all day and all night. By the way. I called Mike Net at the cruise lines yesterday and he said that we are the only group they are considering to replace the group presently on the Carnival. My opinion is that we will probably be asked back on the ship in about three weeks to a month. Well, before we left the morning we dropped by Lee’s to get our mail and he left us a note apologizing for letting us down. I thought it was at least nice of him to do so. Well, like I said all we did was drive. We drove all the way into the night and arrived in New Orleans at about 9 am on Thursday morning. The weather in this part of the country is absolutely miserable and dismal. Oh yeah, I called Heidi last night before we left and talked to her for a while. I caught her cold from kissing her. She warned me but I could have cared less. Now I have a cold.

February 2nd, 1978 —-
(L)
(1292.5)
Thursday – We arrived at about 9 am and drove around, slept, had donuts and coffee and hot chocolate until 3 pm when I call Jane and she came and led us to her house. She lives in a nice neighborhood. Now, ask myself – what have I walked into? When Jane led me upstairs so I could take a shower I grabbed her and we kissed a few times.
After dinner (her parents hospitality is incredible – Tom, Fred and I have the “game room” out behind the house all to ourselves). Jane, Robin, Tom, Fred and I went to one of the Mardi Gras parades. Jane and I were arm in arm all the way. She likes to be close to me. But I wonder if the situation is a little confining, what with her parents so near; will I get time to make love to her? Well, I guess I’ll have to follow the decrees of the truth I learned on the boat – you never really know exactly what will happen with a girl so you should have the best time you can. I didn’t get to call Joy. I’ve got to get a handle on the situation first.

February 3rd, 1978 –-
(L)
(.5/1293)
Friday – In an effort to accelerate our love affair I took Jane for a walk today and explained how I wanted to be intimate with her but I had no way to do it at her house. A few times during the evening I was a little aloof, in order to get her attention. It worked, and from about 10 pm till 6 am we were making out pretty constantly. I caressed her breasts through her shirt with my hands and then her crotch through her pants, I felt her rear, putting my hands under her jeans. She was very receptive. She even almost put her hands on my crotch, which I figure is pretty good for her. She knows there’s something bothering me – I told her – but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I want to make love to her, for fear of having her say “no”. Maybe I’ll mention it tomorrow. I still haven’t called Joy. Tomorrow I will.

February 4th, 1978 –-
(L)
(1293)
Saturday – We took a walk through the French quarters at the Mardi Gras today and it is truly a sight to behold. The whole family watched the Endymion Parade from our van, parked on Loyola, and Mr. Trufant brought beers for all. I tried to get Joy’s phone number through information, but it isn’t listed, so I have no way of talking to her. When Jane and I got back to the house we all went to a bar, then returned home later. Jane and I went out to the game room and made out. I undid the button and zipper on her pants and I slipped my finger into her vagina. It was a lot of fun. We took Robin home (who was making out with Fred) and went back into her house. We started being real playful joking with each other and kissing (I was pretty turned on). She looked very happy. I love it when she smiles. I don’t think I went to sleep till 6 am.

February 5th, 1978 –-
(L)
(1293)
Sunday – It was off to downtown and the French quarters today and one of the best times I’ve had. Jane and I were arm in arm all day (not like yesterday when I was pouting). We were all smiles. We watched the Baachus parade in the evening from the van. We had hot chocolate and donuts then we arrived back home and then Robin and Fred and Jane and I went to Robin’s house to drink hot mulled wine. Jane and I went to Robin’s bedroom and I asked Jane to take off her pants and she said “No” so I got nasty and she cried. Then we made out and then took her pants off and she was shaking all over. Robin interrupted us and then left. Again I took off her pants and it was a little more playful this time. I licked and sucked on her vagina and she grabbed my penis through my pants. She said she was a virgin, saving herself for marriage.
At about 2:20 am we return to her house where we made out until 4:20 am. I talked and talked about sex and making love. She gave me a hand job through my pants. I asked her repeatedly, “Please, let’s make love,” as nice as I could. This is one of my more romantic experiences. I love her. I like her so much too.
Today Jane said that she liked me just the way I was – without a lot of money. She has to be the sweetest girl in the whole wide world. When I went down on her tonight she was so wet and her pussy seemed so small that it practically made me weak in the knees. The moments we spend alone were so tender, loving, sweet, soft, warm and exciting that I think I am in love. When I think of how it would be to make love to her I get so excited. She caresses my crotch like an expert.

February 6th, 1978 //
(E)
(.5/1293.5)
Monday – Today had happy and sad Moments. It started off with Robin coming by and Fred and me and Jane and Robin taking off in the car. We bought some beer and as we didn’t wake up till late we didn’t arrive at the French quarter till it was dark (We spent time at Robins having chili first and drove a lot.) We had a marvelous time, Fred and I being totally overwhelmed by the happiness our respective girls have given us. We went to a bar where Fred and I had a discussion about the Beatles and the Hopeless Romantics. We drove to a bar called Poets but I stayed in the car (This is after we left New Orleans.) Jane came out and we talked. She said she wanted to make love to me but she just couldn’t. I said I did not want to know her if she didn’t want to make love to me, but later, just before we retired, I cried in front of her and told her how much I loved her and that I always want to know her. Robin’s Mom was so pissed off because we got in at 2 am and Jane’s Mom was also angry.

February 7th, 1978 -/
(L)
(1293.5)
Tuesday – The happiness and incredulity, which overwhelms me at the time of this writing, amazes me. Jane made her mind up tonight and says she wants to make love to me tomorrow. We are tentatively planning to get a hotel room. I’m so happy. She absolutely adores me the most precious girl I could ever imagine. All day long I pulled my IS (ignoring stunt) on her and in the evening she finally straightened up and faced the music after she cried her eyes out and locked herself in the bathroom. We talked about it and she finally said, “Okay tomorrow is the day.” I was so happy I could have died. She says the only thing that is bothering her is that she’s on her period and she’s afraid it will ruin her first experience of making love. She says she wants it to be perfect the first time. She tried to convince me to wait till we met again but I finally convinced her that now was the time. We’re both so happy. All the little things she does to show me I’m hers and I’m great and I’m this and I’m that have made me the happiest man in the world. I can’t believe it’s going to happen, but I do!

February 8th, 1978 -/
(L)
(.5/1294)
Wednesday – Tonight I made love to Jane Trufant one time in the backseat of her parents green Montego on a dark dead end street of Metarie, Louisiana. It was her first time. We arrived at 8:51 pm and left at approximately 10:03 pm. We made love slowly and sweetly for about four minutes and then we stopped for a while because she wanted to know what it was like when I came. I explained and then we made love for another minute and I started doing it very passionately just before climax and then I came inside her for quite a few seconds. I left quite a little bit of myself in her. We talked for a while and then I kissed her all over and was so happy. I ran my hands all over her. We drove home happily and when we got home no sooner did we walk in but her Mom told her to go to bed immediately as we were 15 minutes late.
I’d like to copy a letter I wrote to Jane after we got back to her house; I wrote it partially because we had no chance to talk when we got back since her Mom sent her immediately upstairs. It went like this:

To Jane 1/8/78 with Love, Jeff (Shea)

Jane,
It was beautiful. The times we are together are always beautiful and you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. I hope I’ve made you the happiest girl…

[next page absent from hardcopy -Editor]

We got in the back seat of the car and kissed. I undid her buttons on her shirt and caressed her stomach and chest, saying, “I’m examining.” She said, “Go ahead, doctor Shea.” I said “May I?” as I undid her button on her pants and she nodded and said “yeah” quietly. I undid her button and zipper. I asked her help to take off her pants and she took them off. I said “I’m hot” and a ½ smile passed between us as I undid my belt buckle. I took off my pants. We kissed. Then I leaned away from her and put my hand to her crotch and rubbed. She was wet and juicy. She said, “There is one problem. I am on my period and I do have a Tampon in.” I said, “Well, you’ve got to take it out.” She asked, “Where shall I put it?” I crack out with,” Throw it out the window.” Then she told me she was really nervous and I said, “Tell you what. You take those off and take that out and throw it out the window and I’ll take mine off and we’ll lay down and we will talk about it.” And she said O.K. and I turned off the heat in the car and when I looked back her bottom was bare and I pulled off my shorts (“Nice shorts” – she says) and we laid side by side and I told her not to be nervous. I told her I was nervous too.
My dick was stiff and I directed it with my hand to her orifice and pushed it up and down but the angle was not right so it didn’t go in her vagina. It was like round 1 so I relaxed and we talked and she said, when asked if she was more nervous before or now, she said “before.” Then I laid her on her back. “Move up, move your hips over a little, move down a touch” and I laid on top of her – she told me she was afraid she’d get pregnant and I reassured her it was a near impossibility that she’d get pregnant (I believe scientifically I was correct in saying so, being as though she on her period and there is no fertilized egg in her.)
I took her hand and put it on my penis and for a while we kissed. Then I took my penis and rubbed it up and down on the wet outer vagina until it was sufficiently hard and then it went in. I made about 2 motions and it was inside her. She asked me beforehand the favor that if she requested I stop I would, so when she said, “It hurts,” I said, “O.K. I’ll let it sit there a minute and I let my erect penis remain motionless in her vagina for around 52 seconds; then I began moving in and out and moving my whole hip region the way I do.
After about 3 minutes of this she made like she was going to ask me something. I said, “What is it, honey?” And she said, “Nothing.” But I reassured her thrice that I wanted to know, she said, “It’s stupid.” But she finally said that she wanted to know what it was like when I came (means when I ejaculate in a vagina), I said, “For me or for us.” She said, “For you.” I said, “Anything from zero to bliss.” And she said, “How about for the girl?” I said, “That depends… depends on how much sperm the guy has in him – it’s different depending on the time.” Shortly after this conversation began I had pulled my penis out of her to rest for a while if we were going to discuss this. As I was finished explaining I again took my penis and rubbed it up and down against the walls of the outer vagina until it was erect enough and I put it in and began motioning. I asked her if it still hurt and she said “not as bad” and I thought, “It figures.”
I began feeling it become very approaching a climax state as I began motioning hard and then passionately seconds before and during the first few parts of climax and I came inside her quite a lot (I haven’t come in awhile)! It felt really good. I must emphasize how much I poured into her. (She had asked me to let her know just before I was about to climax and although I agreed to it, I didn’t bother to tell her before I actually came. I asked her about one minute after orgasm, “Did you feel it when I came?” And she said, “Yes.” I don’t see how she could’ve helped but feel all that flow into her. The last 2 seconds of my climax which lasted maybe 10 seconds felt like my system was absolutely drained of its come and that it had been waiting a long time to be coming out. We lay on top of each other for about 12 minutes and talked and I explained how sublime it was for me knowing that it was her who was underneath me. I was happy. We had to get up because she didn’t want to be late coming home. As she pulled on her pants I went nuts all over her body kissing and caressing her body, especially her bottom area. She was literally dripping stuff out of her. I kissed her and rubbed her vagina with my finger and she gloated over. I said how nice it would be to make love for the 2nd time right then and there.
We got dressed and drove away, me kissing her and being sweet to her. When we got to her house we made sure all evidence was hidden and walked in. Her Mom immediately said, “Goodnight, Jane. You’re 20 minutes late. Jane, goodnight.” So Jane and I parted as she went upstairs right away. So here I am happy as a lark, not a care in the world – and about as in love as I can ever remember!!!
Notes and acknowledgements:
The 1st part of the day today Jane changed her mind from last night and said she couldn’t. I got so mad I told her the guys and I were leaving today. She had to run an errand so she said to wait til she got back and when she returned the conversation went thusly:
JS – “Did you think about it?”
JT – “Yes, I feel differently now.”
JS – “How so?”
JT – “I’ve changed my mind.”
JS – “In what way?”
JT – What way do you think?”

And she said she decided that she was gonna do it (make love to me today) because she loved me and she wanted me to love her. I was so happy I could’ve died!! The whole day went great after that. Yet, we almost didn’t get out of the house at all. I asked her folks if I could take Jane to the movies and they said, “No”, because it was too late a thing to do on a school night. So we finally got out on the pretense of visiting Leva and I believe she said Michelle too and maybe others. We left at 8:15 pm and got back at 10:15 pm.
When we left Jane was driving. She said she was thinking of going to the Lake Front. I said, “You don’t mean to say you are planning to go to the Lake Front and make love in the car?” And she cast a smile and a glance and said, “Yes” and asked me if I wanted to. I said if there was nothing better that I’d like to do it in the car. She told me after we were through making love that she wanted to make love only to me, and I believe she means it. One last thing. I just snuck up to her room at 2:35 am in the dark and kissed her as she woke up and gave her the note and told her to wait 3 minutes and turn on the light and read it. After assorted words of love I left and stood at the bottom of the staircase and waited til she turned the light on and after a period of time sufficient to read it and reflect for a moment, the light went off and came back to my writing.

February 9th, 1978 –-
(A)(L)(E)
(1294) “I Love Jane!”
Thursday – Today we lost our van when a logging truck hit our van as we were turning onto Joy’s Road. But first, we left New Orleans today. I woke at 7 am and sat with Jane from 7:15 to 7:30 am, when she went to school. We kept telling each other how much in love we were and we kissed and it was sweet, very sweet. The boys and I said our goodbyes and packed up and drove to Grace King High, where we met Jane and Robin. We secured a job at the high school for March 22 and I kissed Jane and stuff. It was kind of sad. I asked her, “Have I made you happy Jane?” and she said, “You’ve made me the happiest woman on earth.” I was so happy! We left.
We had lunch with two guys from New Mexico who had come to the Mardi Gras who had coincidently seen us perform on the Mardi Gras ship, bumped into us and asked us if they could take our pictures. Then we left New Orleans. (God, am I ever in love with Jane!) We drove to Poplarville 60 miles away and found where Joy lived. We were almost there when a logging truck tried to pass us and hit us in the rear. It made our van all cracked up. Fred’s in the hospital. My intuition told me three days and I’ll fuck Joy.
I went into say goodnight to Joy and we kissed a bit and I felt one of her boobs. I asked her to go into the other room but she said, “No.” I pushed it but she started ignoring me so I finally was nice and said goodnight.

February 10th, 1978 //
(A)(F)
(1294)
Friday – Today a few developments took place in our present situation. For one thing we discover that Fred will probably be on his back for 2-3 weeks and will be transferred to Hattiesburg tomorrow to be examined by a neurosurgeon. In addition Joy’s mother and stepfather came home this evening. Mr. Vandefort contacted an attorney named Sonny who was traveling from Jackson tomorrow morning and he has a reputation for being very good in such cases. According to Mr. Vandefort we should all be able to get over $1000 for our trouble – Fred may be able to get $20-$30,000. Of course what we finally result in getting will most likely be nothing at all or much less. I called my father and Lee tonight and let them know the development. Mr. Vandefort said that we could stay tonight at his house, but I’m afraid we may not get to stay past tonight. I wrote Jane a letter today. I accept this situation as a challenge. A man named Cotton used his tractor to help us straighten out the van and now at least it runs.

February 11th, 1978 //
(A)(L)
(.5/1294.5)
Saturday – Lots of stuff happened today. When we woke up the attorney Sonny and his partner had arrived at the house. We went by and looked at the van and then saw Fred and then they drove us to Jackson, Mississippi, whereabouts they live. Henry Bryan, Sonny’s partner, got Tom and I put up at the Mad-Surf Motel and later on Sonny brought us a Ford Granada to use for transportation while we’re here. I called Fred at room 2005, at a hospital where he was transferred to in Hatiestburg, Mississippi. He said he’ll be in traction for a least a week.
At about 8 pm Tom and I went out and ate and bought some beer and found out about and went to a place called Snook’s, out by the reservoir. When we walked in I asked the first girl I saw to dance and she said, “Yes.” The highlight of the evening we were French kissing out on the dance floor, she was singing in her nice voice in my ear and I was sliding my fingers in the crotch of her pants secretly while talking to her sister. But she cooled off and left me, although while we were together it was very romantic. Her name was Patricia Graves.
I might mention that I had a word with Joy before I left Poplarville today, in which she said that although I thought she was ignoring me that her boyfriend Joey saw it that she was paying attention to me and ignoring him and when I told her I liked her I asked if she liked me and she gave me a dirty look as if it say, “What do you think! Of course.” And I asked her again and she said “Yes.” (Of course!) I told them, Joy and Marcia, we’d be in touch. I wrote Jane a letter last night and think of her a lot.

February 12th, 1978 –-
(L)(F)(S)
(.5/1295)
Sunday – I couldn’t stand it anymore so I called Jane tonight at about 11 pm. I talked to her for 10 minutes and it was wonderful. We told each other that we missed each other, that we loved each other and that we want to see each other soon! Ah, love is wonderful. She says her and Robin have been walking around like zombies! I told her I missed her so bad and she let me know that she loves me and will for a long time, that she wants to see me soon, that she wants to be with me, that I am the center of her romantic thoughts and that I can be confident in her love. And naturally, I reassured her of all these things too. We’re so in love! By our admission to each other, the phone call has made us both feel much better, and we may be able to go on for a while now.
We plan to get together soon and she said she would love it when I told her I was going to do everything I possibly could to see that we were together. My father got an order for FX for $53,000. Fred is able to walk.
I’m laying here at the Mid-Surf Motel and I am evaluating many a-thing, as usual. My love with Jane, the accident of recent days, the number of chicks I have had French kisses or more, and in general, many things are going through my mind. As far as Jane goes I am very happy of the reassurance we have given each other tonight of our love and I am now nearly confident that I can get as much of her sweet love as I need and want in the future and that I can see her when I want and how much I want. With this availability I feel secure in her love, which makes me feel fantastic. I am at this time slightly concerned about our possessions at Madame SeSe’s and so I got her phone number through information tonight and will call her tomorrow.
I am concerned that I might lose my diaries – and so have learned a lesson that from now on I will keep my diaries with me – and perhaps it would be a good idea to keep a summary of my past life somewhere in each diary – important items such as countries visited or girls I was with, etc.
I talked to my father tonight in which conversation he told me that he is back to selling FX and I’m looking forward to the H.R.’s being mobile again in 3 weeks and to making a cash settlement within a week from the insurance company. I love goals.

February 13th, 1978 //
(F)(L)
(1/1296)
Monday – Well, well. Had a fine Mexican meal at El Chico tonight with Hocko. We decided yesterday that we were going to become gourmets when we become rich, but we started tonight anyway. I had two enchiladas, refried beans, fried rice, tortilla chips and hot sauce, 8 ounces of Burgundy, a hot green pepper sliced, and 4 cups of coffee for $4.78 plus $.75 for the tip. Tom and I went to a chiropractor today and each spent $120 for which we are not responsible. Our Attorney Sonny said that they will vouch for everything and to go with the program. I felt really good today as a result of having phoned Jane last night. Boy, do I love her and boy, does she love me. She’s a virgin except for our first time last Wednesday night. Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. I talked to Fred and Lee today on the phone. Lee’s said he’ll send a letter confirming our job on the ship. Fred will be laid up for 10 more days. Sonny said we’ll have a date Thursday with a 31-year-old who fucked seven guys two weeks ago – so I hope I get laid.

February 14th, 1978 –-
(L)(F)(E)
(1/1297)
Tuesday – I called Jane again tonight. It was wonderful. We are so in love. It is great. I love feeling that way. On each end of the line were saying, “I love you,” – “No, I love you so much you wouldn’t even believe it.” And thus, we make each other feel fantastic. Love is wonderful and I mean to do everything I can to make Jane happy. Her and Robin are going to Hattiesburg on Saturday and I told her that I was going to be there – and I will be there, no matter what I have to do – and we are both living for that day to be in Bliss, once again – in each other’s company. Fred is getting better. I talked to Madame SeSe today and our possessions are A-OK through March 1 and perhaps through March 12. That takes a load off my mind.
I called Lee too and he typed our letter today and is going to send it off tomorrow to our attorney’s office. Tom and I had a meeting today and we decided that the first order of agenda is to record “I Can’t Stand It.” We plan to be back in Miami on March 1. We chose the songs for performance at Grace King. I never thought of a guy “saving, himself sexually for something but I nearly feel like saving myself for Jane.”

February 15th, 1978 –-
(L)(F)(E)
(1/1298)
Wednesday – Today was a good day. With Jane’s love to make me happy my day was a success before it even started. Let me list the developments: our attorney Henry Bryan called Lee today and discovered Lee had sent a letter today special delivery and Lee read Henry the letter and Henry seemed pleased. In addition Lee told Henry that we will probably get the job on the cruise ship when we return, as he was in touch with Carnival Cruises today and found it out. A girl named Lisa wants to go out with me on Friday and I’ll call her tomorrow to find out about it. She works at Wendy’s and I’ve talked to her the last two nights.
I talked to Sonny and he said that the lady should be coming over tomorrow night and he said that they are on the hook for the exorbitant doctor’s bill we are running up. He also said he’ll try to get us transportation so we can go to Hattiesburg on Saturday (and I can see my beloved Jane). Yesterday we tried to arrange to have our Miami mail forwarded here and it appears today as we checked it out that they forwarded it and we will receive it Friday.

February 16th, 1978 —-
(L)(E)(A)
(2/1300)
Thursday – Today I contacted neither Henry Bryan nor Fred. Carol, that lady that’s supposed to come over and satisfy my sexual needs, could not come over tonight, so Sonny told me, who was setting it up. So I asked him for her phone number (982–3575). I called her and she said she couldn’t come over because her pussy was sore! We talked for about 35 minutes and she offered to come over tomorrow so we’ve got a date for 7:30 pm. Understand that this is not a prostitute, but a “swinger” – a woman who simply likes to get fucked. So I can’t wait! For some reason, ever since Monday I’ve been as horny as I can ever remember! I started missing Jane a lot tonight. I sure hope we can get together on Saturday. With Jane, it is true love! I’m sure glad we met. Hock and I went over the new songs that were going to do at Grace King. They’re real great. Don’t Leave Me Hangin’, So Easy if you Want to Leave, Yes I’m Glad, etc!

February 17th, 1978 —-
(L)
(1300)
Friday – Tonight Carol Anderson came over and I got fucked and sucked – to be very explicit and not mince words – many times. Hock left at around 7:15 pm and Carol came over about 7:48 pm. We took off her clothes and kissed and she sucked my dick. Then she sucked it again after a break and we started talking. I came after around 48 seconds. I asked her to and she sucked me again as I placed myself near her head as she lay on her back. Then she straddled me again and moved in pleasure and I came again. Then we waited and she sucked me again and I got on top of her and made her close her legs together (this makes her pussy feel tighter) and after a few minutes I came again. I sucked on her tits for a while and she sucked me again and she straddled me again and then I made her lie on her back again with her legs together again and she was saying “Fuck me. Fuck my cunt!” – so I came a fourth time. Shortly after we were done Hock returned.
I left for quite a while. I returned and they hadn’t fucked because she was dry so I went to buy some Vaseline for them. By the time I returned they were fucking. I came in and we talked. I fucked her one more time (5th time) before she left. That was the best. I was almost on my back and we were using Vaseline. When I was done my whole body was throbbing. She left at about 12:29 am.
At last report in talking to Fred it was not certain if Jane and Robin would be allowed to visit Fred tomorrow, but I’m going to see him anyway. I hope Jane is there. I’d rally love to see her. Getting it on with Carol tonight makes me like Jane even more. It’s hard to explain. I loved the sex tonight but I love Jane much more.

February 18th, 1978 —-
(L)
(1300)
Saturday – Love, love, love. I’m so in love with Jane I can’t even believe it. It is absolutely wonderful! I drove to Fred’s Hattiesburg hospital room and when I arrived Jane and Robin were there, as planned. Jane and I kissed and made out almost the entire four hours she was in the room. I love her with all my might and she feels the same about me. I’ve never, ever, ever felt this good in my entire life. We want to be together and we’ll do all we can to arrange for us to be together. She’s a cutie. She gave me a beautiful Valentine’s Day card and a picture of herself. Her and Robin went out and got Fred and I beers and Popeye’s chicken. I gave Jane my sweater and she’s nuts about the way I smell and she wanted my sweater because it smelled like me. She will return it the next time I see her. I just want to be with her. She makes me feel so good. She is so fun to make out with. Fred and I plan to stop by New Orleans on our way back. He’s staying in Hattiesburg until we pick him up. I arrived in Jackson again shortly before 11 pm. I’ve been up since 8:30 am.

February 19th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(3.5/1303.5)
Sunday – Today was Bob Bitchin’. Let me say first of all that I love Jane still stronger than ever and I’ll tell you why – it’s not because she’s got the best this or that but because, very simply, she makes me feel better than I ever could imagine and better than anyone I’ve ever met.
Today Tom and I did a ton of work towards Grace King. We eliminated, added and revised songs for the Grace King concert and considered various possible ways that we could cause a Romanancimania to begin at that concert – could we get someone from a record company to be there to witness a pre-made hysteria, which I am sure we could cause. Now I realize for two years I’ve been writing in this diary about how I expect to be discovered and be famous. Yes, perhaps it will never happen, but only with persistence do we even have a chance. I see an opportunity in New Orleans and I intend to exploit it. To be famous all the factors will have to meet and gel at precisely the right time.

February 20th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)(F)
(4/1307.5)
Monday – I wrote a song tonight called, Forget It! With some lyrics that Tom wrote. It is probably one of the best tunes I’ve ever written along rock ‘n roll lines. We went over the set and revised, Please Be True! and in general tightened up an already very dynamic set. I wrote letters to Joy (last night), Lynn, Sharon, Maureen and C & C. I must mention that Joy’s vital statistics are 36 – 25 – 36 as Fred told me her guardian Marcia told him confirming what Joy had already told me. Thinking of that makes me want to get my hands on her, literally, even more. I talked to our attorneys today. Henry wants to meet with us tomorrow and it sounds like there is a possibility of wrapping up this entire thing sometime this week and I surely hope so because I’m dying to get out of here because I want to start working at being famous again. I get a lot of joy out of being a musician. I love Jane.

February 21st, 1978 –-
(A)
(1/1308.5)
Tuesday – Today, Tom and I got up late, as usual and proceeded on down to the post office to pick up the mail that has been forwarded from the general delivery section of the Miami post office – the main branch. I got two real neat letters from Sharon, an old one from Jane, one from Paddy’s Mom, whom I wrote concerning a package we never received, one from my sister Donna, and two from that real nice but not too cute girl Barbara whom I made love to on the boat, who originally approached me about Fred.
We went to Henry’s office and we took care of a few things, mostly providing each other with information, but nothing definite happened. I wrote some letters. In the evening I became very sick with the stomach flu. My stomach felt like it was going to blow up! Finally I could not stand it anymore and I put my finger down my throat and vomited. I felt better. As the night went on it got worse. I was burping all night. It was awful. I didn’t get any real sleep until about 6 or 7 am.
Just a short-note to record major fistfight in B.F.ing B history. Hock and I had words getting up this morning. He pulled the covers off my bed. I got up and warned that I’d hit him if he did it again so he did it again. I got up and belted him about 10 times and got back in bed. He pulled my covers off again so I got up and belted him about 20 times. Then he hit me in the mouth then I threw myself at him and we tumbled into the bathroom. Then I said we’d gone too far but he wanted to keep going so I told the manager to get the police and that calmed Tom down. It was a good fight. I don’t want to fight no more. Me: Fat lip. Tom: blood nose.

February 22nd, 1978 –-
(F)
(1308.5)
Wednesday – Tom and I were awakened by Sonny Kendall, our attorney. He needed a hand moving some wood so Tom and I went to give him that hand. Unfortunately I was white as a ghost cause of my flu and I wasn’t much good for anything. After the work Sonny cashed my last remaining money supply on hand – a Christmas gift of $25 in form of a check from my Mom. I gave $20 to Tom since I owed him $19.50 (he gave me $.50). I went to the post office and I mailed letters to Jane (three letters in two envelopes), Sharon (two) and Cappa & Clymer (one). I went to Henry’s office I told him that we wanted to settle this week even if it meant that cut into our settlement.
I went out, bought a bowl of Won Ton soup to sooth my stomach and returned to my hotel where Tom was watching TV. I called Fred in the evening. His parents are in Hattiesburg visiting him. I called my Dad and he advised me to be patient and not rush into a settlement. He thinks we can pick up a lot more money if we hold out. I finally had something to eat this evening – a burger from McDonald’s – it tasted terrible but at least my stomach feels better.

February 23rd, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
(1/1309.5)
Thursday – Last night I was particularly in a delirium I felt so terrible. It felt good to talk to my Dad. Maybe I should use the supplement for this day because a lot happened. Very briefly I woke up feeling much better today. Tom and I had lunch at Wendy’s. I mailed letters to Lynn and Joy. We went back to our hotel and decided to get drunk to relieve our boredom. We had been singing all our new songs. Tom and I each got a six-pack of Tuborg Gold, went back to our hotel and drank them. I called Joy’s house. Between talking to Marcia and Joy the phone call cost $20 and I found out Joy doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore, so for my part it looks like the end of our relationship, although she said she wanted to remain friends and I agreed. (At the time I wasn’t being sincere).
I called Jane. She said we had lost the Grace King concert but were scheduled for a dance on the 17th. I called back about 10 minutes later and told her to see if we could also do the concert for free. We reassured each other our love and it was beautiful.

February 24th, 1978 -/
(L)(S)(E)(!!)
(1309.5)
Friday – Today I mailed a letter to Jane. Diary, I can be in love with more than one girl at once so please believe me when I say I love Jane with all my heart. On February 15 and mentioned a girl named Lisa (Newman) who wanted to go out with me. I believe I never mentioned her again. It ended up she couldn’t go out. Tom and I went by Wendy’s where she works, off the north side to get a burger. She still likes me and told me to come back at 10:45 pm so I could talk to her when she got off work. So I came back and Tom waited in the Granada. I got in her car. We talked for a few minutes. I touched her hands and we kissed passionately. Again before she had to leave we kissed again. It was beautiful. I’ll call her Sunday.
Diary, this particular subject which, I’m about to write about is perhaps the most important subject I’ve ever written about. I’ve learned a big lesson all of a sudden. Let me see if I can sum it up.
Be kind at all times. Don’t push people. Don’t condemn or judge others. If you have to correct someone do it as pleasantly as possible. Take your time with things and make sure they’re done right. Be thoughtful. And if you’re wrong, try to see the other person’s point. Be thoughtful. Be energetic!
Lenora said that she has got the phone number of a multi-millionaire manager for KISS – a popular (but terrible) rock and roll group. She said she’s gonna try and contact him for us. She’s coming to Florida with her husband and she says she would like to see me if she could and I said the same. She says Don thinks we’re on the boat with another drummer but that “he says he’ll join the group again if she gets through to KISS’s manager – thanks – Don- you A-hole! I decided I want Paddy back – and so I will dream!

February 25th, 1978 -/
(E)(L)
(1309.5)
Saturday – I woke up and ran about 2 miles then Tom and I went looking for a van. Then we decided we didn’t want to get a van anyway. We went to Wendy’s as usual to eat. I went outside and bought some super glue and fixed my classical guitar, which has a warped piece of wood due to a crack so I patched it up. We still haven’t heard from Fred and I’m very pissed indeed! In fact, I don’t know where he is. I told Tom tonight I’m going to Africa and although I’m not really serious I already started considering how I can go there and how to arrange various details properly.
I wrote and sent a letter to Jane tonight. (Diary when you see her you’re going to wonder what all the fuss is about! Only kidding). I kept the letter light, light and breezy and she should receive it Tuesday, shortly before I arrive in New Orleans, since Tom and I decided to leave on Tuesday and take a bus to Miami.

February 26th, 1978 -/
(E)
(1/1310.5)
Sunday – A few developments have occurred today. Fred called. He’s been in New Orleans with his parents. His parents took Jane and Robin out to dinner. The first time I talked to him he said he was going to fly to Miami with his Mom and meet us there, but I got so pissed that I think I changed his mind – a really laid into him good for not calling us – when I talk to him tonight he seemed humble and told me he had decided to wait in New Orleans for us at a motel. I was happy he had done what I wanted.
The plan now is for Tom and I to get at an agreement drawn up with the Honorable Henry Bryant tomorrow, settle our affairs up here tomorrow and bus down to Fred Tuesday afternoon, spend the night at the hotel Tuesday and continue by bus, as a group, to Miami on Wednesday. So – I asked Fred to tell Jane to arrange to see me if he could on Tuesday afternoon and or night. I am truly looking forward to seeing her. I called Lisa Newman tonight. I decided never to withdraw from Jacksonville [bank] and to try and get Paddy in our group.

February 27th, 1978 –-
(F)(L)
(1/1311.5)
Monday – This has been just one more in this series of days of disappointment. However this day brings some new hope to light. My Dad promised on the phone tonight to send me $75 by Western Union tomorrow. With this money I intend to get a bus ticket to Miami. I plan to leave tomorrow afternoon. On my way I plan to stop in New Orleans where Fred will be waiting with a hotel room until Thursday morning and a car until Wednesday afternoon. He said on the phone (tonight) that he’ll call Jane and let her know I’m coming. He says that she got my letter today and that she was sad because of it. Funny I had the same reaction to her four letters that I received today. I was sad, disillusioned, et cetera. It is because we miss each other.
Diary, if there is one thing I want, intend and will plan to do it is to be with Jane somehow. I don’t mean for a day or two. I mean every day – for a long time. I want her to be by my side for six months or a year – to live with me. We have an appointment tomorrow with Henry at 10 am so I must go now.

February 28th, 1978 -/
(L)(F)
(1311.5)
Tuesday – I saw Jane again today. It felt so good to see her. I’m kind of sad that I can’t always be with her. She feels the same way. On March 22, apparently she’s vacationing in Destin, Florida and she wants me to be with her for four days, sleeping together, etc. and she says it will be like (our honeymoon.) I really believe she really does want to marry me and I am so in love I’d almost be crazy enough to do it. Almost. The thing is Jane just makes me feel so good.
I got up today at about 8:30 am. The attorney Sonny came by and gave us a ride to Henry’s office. Goes to phone the insurance adjusters. No reasonable deal could be worked out. Tom and I drove to the Western Union office and his money had not arrived yet but mine had — $85. So I took the one o’clock express to Miami (and Tom followed at 5:15 pm). I arrived at 4:10 pm and Fred came down in a rented station wagon and picked me up. Jane couldn’t be there, but Robin was. I had some chicken in Fred’s room and beer, and I called Jane. She told me to phone her back but I forgot and the three of us went to Robin’s for dinner. Meanwhile Jane had arranged to spend some time with me in the hotel room tonight. I blew that by forgetting to call.
She called me at Robin’s and came by. We kissed and said hello. She had to leave for a meeting but returned around 8:30 pm and we made out in the car in front of Robin’s for a good time. It was so sweet. I called her later and she was a bit bummed out cause her Mom had talked to her. The guys and I had a conference tonight discussing the various possibilities of our situation.
At 2 am when we had finished discussing everything we took a walk to the French quarter. It was a blast. We bought three joints, got stoned, (we had already finished 2 6-packs at the conference) and had a few drinks. We came back around 4 am smashed and with a tentative decision to move to New Orleans because the city is so much more of a blast than Miami. Everything seems to be taking care of itself.

March 1st, 1978 -/
(L)
(.5/1312)
Wednesday – The girls called us at 11:30 am and invited us to pick them up at school so Fred and I got up (Fred charged my breakfast to his room, actually lunch) and we split, leaving Tom at the room. We picked them up at about 1 pm and went to a spot and made out and got caught by the police. Then we went to Jane’s House, said “Hi” to her Mom and dropped off a rented car Fred’s been driving at the airport. We went back to Robin’s, then out, then to Jane’s house for a nice dinner of cheese sandwiches and homemade vegetable soup. Then we told her parents we were going to go to the New Orleans Jazz basketball game. Instead the four of us went to the hotel room.
Tom left and Jane and I made out for two hours and 15 minutes. We got under the covers. I fingered her vagina. I took off my pants and she caressed my hard dick. I loved it. We kissed and held each other. She has invited me to spend four days with her starting March 22 at Destin, Florida where her and Robin are vacationing for Easter. So Fred and I will be there. The main problem is that I’ll get her pregnant if I don’t take precaution. So I asked her and we both agreed it would be a bummer. I don’t know what she plans to do but the date is still on and we still are planning for four of the most wonderful days of our lives! I love her!

March 2nd, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(.5/1312.5)
Thursday – At about 2 pm this afternoon Robin and one of her friends picked us up at the Howard Johnson’s downtown and we had to literally pack her (Dawn’s) Mustang with our stuff and the five of us. They dropped us off at Jane’s where we stored our stuff in the game room. Jane was sick and heard me and I went in and we kissed and it was very sweet. We said goodbye and it was one of the sweetest goodbyes I’ve ever had. Tom, Fred and I and Robin went to Robin’s house where her mother made us an exquisite lunch in exchange for a short and feeble performance by the H.R.’s.
At 7:30 pm Robin’s Mom drove us to a bus stop and at 8 pm in the rain a bus took us to Bogalusa where a stone -faced Marcia Wallis picked us up and drove us to the country club by her home – she let us in the front hall where the lady tender – Miss Jessie (I think that’s her name) said it was okay for us to spend the night. Marcia left aggravated with us but she would not tell us why and Tom, Fred and I sat around and talked and fell asleep sometime around 4 am. The van is right outside and tomorrow we plan to figure a way to get gas in it and drive it out of here. Marcia was being rude. I’ll be happy if I never see Mississippi again.

March 3rd, 1978 –-
(A)(L)
(1312.5)
Friday – Miss Jessie came in and woke us up at about 7:15 am. We got up immediately (as immediately as our rising could ever be) and seemingly within 20 minutes I had the van started and we drove down to Bogalusa. For around three hours I took off the old gas hose, lowered the entire gas tank and put in a new hose. We banged a few things around, had breakfast and left for New Orleans at about 11:30 am. When we got to New Orleans I called Jane. She was still sick and asked me if I would wait a few hours before we came over to get our stuff so she’d have a chance to get herself together. We got a hotel room and fell asleep. I’ve had Jane’s flu since this morning.
In the evening I arranged to go by Jane’s to get our stuff. Fred and I dropped by. Jane asked me to sit down so I did and I sat there while Fred went to Robin’s and came back. Jane was acting coy and silly and aloof whilst I told her how I thought of her all the time. So I picked a fight with her, which was foolish. As we left Jane and Robin came outside. Jane said lots of nice things to me and made up. She said that I’m probably the only one she’ll ever allow to make love to her, which was nice. We kissed and smiled and said goodbye and said we’d see one another in two weeks. I told her we might move there.

March 4th, 1978 –-
(F)(L)(A)
(1312.5)
Saturday – Last night my temperature was 102 degrees. Boy, did I feel terrible. And when I woke up this morning I felt the same. We looked for tires and the cheapest we could find was $15. I don’t know how I did it but even after Tom tried to get the guy to lower his price I went back for one last crack and the guy sold me a good snow tire for $6. I appealed to his nobler interests – i.e. helping some good needy young lads.
We went to the Greyhound depot and returned our tickets and we will receive our refunds in about 3 weeks at Jane’s house. I called Jane to say goodbye and I apologized for being a creep last night. She said she loved me and I said I loved her and we said goodbye. I drove to Pensacola and slept all the way into Miami when we arrived about 10:45 am Sunday morning. When I get the flu I get a little depressed. It always happens – never fails. I started worrying that Jane didn’t love me anymore. Why do I get like that? How can I be so blind? But the more I let the facts sieve through my mind I can’t deny the facts- they are as plain as day. Jane Trufant loves me more truly and wholly than any girl ever has or ever will – and I can’t shake that love, even if I tried and I’m glad for that.

March 5th, 1978 -/
(A)(L)
(1312.5)
Sunday – Like I said I slept ‘til we arrived in Miami. We went down to the beach to meet Don after dropping of our house keys at Madame SeSe’s. We met with Don. I got some sun at the beach. Ah! That was nice. Now I’m recovering from my flu. Don has all of our stuff at a house he’s renting. He moved it over from Madam SeSe’s. I got my diary and stuff and left my guitar. Then we went to his friends house, ate, I took a shower. I called Dad to let him know everything’s all right and he sounded happy. And then I called Jane! I couldn’t help myself. So I called her collect.
The first thing that she said was that she missed me. It felt so good to hear her say that. And she loves me. It felt great to hear her say that! And I told her that we talked to Don and it was all set and we’d be in New Orleans on the 17th or 16th. She said she’d write and I said the same. And I asked her seriously if we were going to Destin since I had to make plans and she said it’s for sure. It was great for both of us to talk together. Boy do I love her. Boy does she love me. Boy- are we ever in love. And tonight she wasn’t coy. She was so sincere and loving!!!

March 6th, 1978 -/
(F)(E)
(1312.5)
Monday – Things seem to be working themselves out here. Today Tom and I picked up all our mail while Fred was dropped off to speak with his mother and see if he could get some more money. I got letters from Sharon, Cindy, Robin, Mom and a real old one from Joyce Scutter. In my name a package was sent from Paddy to Tom (originally from his parents) – it contained the car registration – finally. I called Lee and he said he will write a letter to the Front Page about an engagement there when we play Grace King – or an audition. Fred got $100 from his Mom. We asked Don’s friend Mack Olson if we could stay at his house and he said Yes – so we’ve got a place to stay until we go back up to New Orleans. We talked to David Lennis and he has cut his hair and gone to a seminar for Theatrical Management of Arts and he talked to us about demo records.

March 7th, 1978 -/
(E)(S)
(2.5/1315)
Tuesday – We practiced electrically as a band for the first time in 2 months today. It was a lot of fun and it was rewarding as well. We have got a place to stay now and a place to practice. We can use the kitchen, which is quite convenient. I sure wish more things happened every day. Progress is so slow. I know if we stick at it we will probably be famous someday; but it is often like climbing a pebbled mountain – for every 3 steps you take up you fall back 2. I feel like a mastermind of sorts though. I know I have an exceedingly high intellect – in high school and tests I have taken I have at times been remarkable. I believe I have enough capacity to assimilate all the necessary factors. Now I have to figure a way to accelerate what I can see is happening.

March 8th, 1978 -/
(E)(F)
(2.5/1317.5)
Wednesday – Today we practiced; Don’t Leave me Hangin’, (Hey Hey Hey!) It’s Be OK, It’s Easy If You Want to Learn and I’m Determined To Be Your Man. But Don didn’t practice with us. I went down to get some short forms from the IRS but when I went to fill them out I realized that I should have some money coming back from Hertz so I’m gonna wait til I talk to Dad. I sent a letter to Jane (I’m gonna try and write to her every day). I sent a letter to Paddy asking if he could play with us during the summer.
Tom and I ran for about 2 miles and then did 10 – 40 yard wind sprints – it always feels good to do athletic stuff. In the evening I learned parts to a few Beatle’s songs from a real neat book the Complete Beatles. I tell you, diary, I have this overwhelming desire to make something of myself and to have money and nice things. I am really sick of living like we do – one place to another living out of a van sometimes. I really want to get out of this rut. I am over $300 in debt but I do have $1300 cash in the bank and $800 worth of musical equipment.

March 9th, 1978 –-
(E)
(2/1319.5)
Thursday – Today we practiced again with Donald over another 20 or so of the songs we did together on the ship. We are making progress since we can reasonably do 45 or so of those songs, which is more than enough to play at Grace King. After we practiced tonight we drank and later I smoked some pot and yes, the ugly truth is that I threw up! Anyway, we talked to Donald about joining the group permanently and coming to New Orleans with us for a while and he said that he would consider doing so.
Tom, Fred & I decided again tonight that when we get to New Orleans we are going to stay there for awhile, because we are sick of Miami. This is, of course pending the ship job, and I know how ridiculous prophecies are, but I have a feeling that Mike Net is going to offer us a job on April 1st. So much for that. I wrote Jane another letter today and went to the post office but didn’t get any mail. I’m sure that Jane’s thinking of me. She loves me a lot.

March 10th, 1978 –-
(E)
(2/1321.5)
Friday – Today we went over the first of 2 sets (I prepared this morning for Grace king) w/ Don. In the evening Tom, Fred and I went out to Ranch House Restaurant for coffee in order to discuss our plans. The results of the meeting were that unless we got a job on the ship we are going to leave Miami never to return and we are going to go to New Orleans for a minimum of 1-½ months – until May 1st as a trial. We figured it out financially and we plan to rent an apartment during the entire month of April. We plan to take all our possessions with us when we go to Grace King. Granted there may be problems that must be overcome during such a transition, but I personally feel confident and I have “good feelings” about New Orleans. I also made those guys promise that if we move again after New Orleans we will not go any farther west and we will not return to Miami. So we now have to notify all our friends down here and figure out a way to waterproof the van. That song “Don’t Leave me Hangin’” is a hit.

March 11th, 1978 –
(E)(A)
(1/1322.5)
Saturday – Get a solid body guitar. Get a steady playing job for at least 2 weeks on dry land. Record: I Can’t Stand It, Until We’re Together, Please Be True, Don’t Leave Me Hangin’, I Became Aware Today and Sleazy Charm in a studio. Get a permanent drummer. Get suitcases and trunk within which to hold all my stuff. New Transportation – Van.
Today I laid out in the sun, wrote-letters to Jane and Grandma, practiced for an hour with group and Don, ran about 3 ½ miles in the hot sun for exercise and other then that I drank beer and smoked pot and I wish I was not in this environment… because that is mainly how these people spend their time. We also had a big discussion with Andy and Don and they both said they would consider joining forces with us under a few different conditions.

March 12th, 1978 –-
(E)(F)(L)
(1322.5)
Sunday – I was awoke this morning to some wonderfully unpleasant messages from Lee Pittman over the phone, one of which is that we can’t play at Grace King unless we have a contract – but this is wonderful because I keep being made to feel that so many things are going wrong that we should give up, but it’s just news like that Lee gave me that makes me more determined to succeed! Today we got a $26.75 ticket for faulty equipment on our van – which is in my name so I better get it taken care of before we go to New Orleans.
I talked to Jane today, once during the day (and once tonight I talked to Robin about her). When Jane told me she’s been too busy to write I got pissed off and laid into her a little, but she say’s that she’s always thinking of me and that she was always excited when she got my letters. She sounds very excited that I’m coming up. But I was a little upset talking to her and she knew it, but when I talked to Robin tonight Robin told me that I better get up there soon, because “Jane has been going crazy for the last 2 weeks,” (over me) and that Jane says that she loves me a lot. So everything is super cool with her.

March 13th, 1978 –-
(E)
(3.5/1326)
Monday – Today was a wonderful day. I woke up and immediately went out to lie in the hot Florida sun for about 1-½ hours. I got pretty red. Then Tom, Fred and I practiced over the first Grace King set. A little later Don came by and we practiced over both sets and we sounded real good. After that we all sat around, smoking some pot and discussed our plans to go to New Orleans. Don wants one of us to go with him to keep him company. We’ve got everything all figured out and things look great. Tom, Fred and I all have a real bright hope for our future in New Orleans. I just feel great about going there.
After our discussion we borrowed Don’s van and we went to the store for food for dinner. Fred whipped up one of… no – the best batch of spaghetti since we’ve been away and we enjoyed this with some burgundy. I stuffed myself with it beat a chick at backgammon on my last roll – Suzy has an incredible set of tits- and I fell asleep on a chair.

March 14th, 1978 –-
(E)
Tuesday – Today was another great day. Rather a historic day in H.R. history as a matter of fact in a number of ways. It was our last day as we bustled around the Miami area, getting things, paying our traffic citation, a farewell with Lee Pittman in front of his house… saying goodbye to David Lennis. In the evening I went out to Don’s van and wrote 2 great songs Happy All the Time and Romance. In the interim between the songs Donald came out to the van and told me that Andy decided he’s gonna come to New Orleans with us. That, to me, was exciting because I knew if Andy saw what was happening there he’d get excited. Another ½ an hour in the van by myself and Don came back and said that Andy decided to be our manager. Now I am stoked. I can see things as if they were really going to happen. I feel great about it all. Tom came out to the van and I told him how he should start writing music. Lately I’ve been telling him how we should be image conscious and he said “cool.” I can see something brewing.

March 15th, 1978 –-
(A)
Wednesday – We woke up and (I woke up first) we laid in the sun starting at about 10:30 am. We started fixing up the van placing a sheet of (stolen) plywood in the rear and one for a window. Last night Fred and I met a chick (by introduction) named Cathie whom we both think is really cute. She came by and so did her friend Andrea (who is Mark Olsen’s ex-steady). We flirted with them for a while and then ate lunch, packed and left. Along with us came Dave Ward, an 18-year old younger brother of Glena, who is a friend of Don’s. We drove to the Treasury where Don was getting his tires fixed by Glenn. At 6:45 pm we split after thinking all day how we could get jobs playing in Miami. I drove the first shift until about 130 miles from Cutler Ridge and then I crawled in the back and fell asleep. I changed to the front in the middle of the night and woke up when Dave ran out of gas at 4:30 am. We hailed down a truck and Fred got some gas. March 16th begins.

March 16th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
Thursday – I drove from just out of Aucilla, Florida to within 50 miles of Pensacola then rested and talked until we arrived at 2 pm at Grace King. Mr. Phils drew up and signed a contract and Fred and I signed it and he made us a copy. We drove Robin to Jane’s house and Jane who was home sick with the flu went upstairs and got prettied up. I was very flippant with her and she asked me to stay while Robin, Fred and Dave left. So I stayed there from about 2:50 pm til 6 pm. Jane and I had a marvelous time together.
Don called and said they were in Biloxi and Andy hadn’t come with them! Bummer! So… Jane and I are so in love. It is really wonderful because we get along so well. I am “training” her to be sweet to me – but don’t tell her! Fred, Dave and I went to Wendy’s for dinner and then got a hotel room (where we stayed 2 weeks ago). I called Jane and she invited me over so I was at her house from 8:45 pm til 10:25 pm. I talked to her parents almost the entire time. Then Jane and I “made out” goodbye. Sweet beyond belief!! And oh- God she loves me a lot. Came back to the hotel. Don and Tom are arriving shortly.

March 17th, 1978 -/
(E)(F)(L)(S)
(2.5/1327.5)
Friday – Tonight we played Grace King and earned $300. We did not cause a “sensation” but we were reasonably accepted. I stayed up until 5 am with Jane, talking and making out. I could say a lot about Jane and Grace King, and I may in the supplement, but here I want to write about the group. Diary, do you realize that we are financially in the worst situation we’ve ever been in? Mainly, that is our problem. My Mom said in her last letter that I am the envy of all the Shea men. I can see why! It is because I, we, the group, are doing all the things that no one dares to do – we are challenging the way of existence of the society we live in. Heavy statement! Wow! But I’m not sure if I can keep the band together through these ridiculous times. Now I will see what Tom and Fred are made of. And I believe they’ll come through. This group can still make it. Right now, we don’t know what exactly we are doing, where we are going, etc. This is a different group that the Master Plan with Paddy Mallon. But it is still my dream and continue I will!!
We’ve got all kinds of problems, Tom is in debt. I am in debt. We don’t know where we are staying. We don’t know where we are going. We need a drummer. We need a manager. Our repertoire is very limited. Fred and I are “in love” with Robin and Jane but can’t have the right situation to make love to them. Tom needs a girl and is in love with Berda, but she’s giving him the run around. We have no job. We have no agent. We have no inclination to get a regular job to hold us over (and thus put our necks out). I owe my Dad $85.00, which I have to repay immediately. We owe Lee Pittman $14. We have to cash a check we got last night or we have no way to eat. Our van is barely operable compared to most cars. Our parents have given us all the support that can “and there ain’t no more.” We all need steady lays. We have little idea when the insurance thing is gonna be settled.
Tomorrow we’ve got to load all our possessions in our van and there’s barely enough room. Because of all these things our morale is low. Also, our level of organization has dropped considerably. Our goals have been blurred by all these consideration. I am a little weak and depressed with hunger. I have been borrowing more constantly for the last few months. Don is leaving us. Hock is in debt and has only a few pieces of equipment to back it up. And now, the solution to all these problems.
The reason we will overcome all this is because I really think Tom and Fred are dedicated – and so am I. I wrote the goal down long ago that I wanted us and Paddy to be more popular, quicker, than did the Beatles, to cut 12 gold record albums and to have a lot of fun making good music. We are still the lowest of bands right now, but at least we are a band. When I wrote down that goal I had a plan in mind as to exactly how we would do it. By Paddy and Lee falling through that plan has been shot to hell. Now I’ve got to decide something new or quit – and it has got to be my decision because I am the most influential band member. I will not quit because I still really want this band to work (not to mention that even with all these problems I am getting a fulfillment out of the group and having a great time. So I’ve got to decide something new and my decision is this (based on what I really want to do right now).
If I could do anything, go any place right now - have my choice of any plan I think I would stay in New Orleans for a few weeks bumming around and then maybe move to an island like St. Thomas and pursue our music there – or, and I’ve got to add all this stuff because there are a lot of things I really want to do – or… I would like to station us in New Orleans for the remainder of the year and see what we could do… or I would like to take a chance and go to New York and stay there until we were able to go to England or perhaps all go home and see how we could make it there… or – well I think what I really want to do right now is to stay in New Orleans for the remainder of the year or until we are somewhat successful.
I’d really like to get a reasonable apartment and each get cars and get established and develop our own private following, get a drummer a manager and/or an agent and to have Jane as a steady lover whilst having numerous beauties on the side. I want us to have jobs of any sort, to all live together and pursue our music, living as we did in San Francisco but now in New Orleans, until we are ready to make another move. Yes I think we are ready to settle down for a while. The main thing is this. I want to make it with this group more popular, quicker than did the Beatles. I believe the Beatles first got together in 1955 and had their first smash success in 1963. So that is eight years. We started at the end of 1975 so I am going to try and achieve that goal, which means we have til my birthday, say in 1983 to make our first smash success, which means I’ll be 28. This coincides with my desire to bum around and try to make it rich, and live my dreams until I am 28. So in my mind New Orleans is the place, like San Francisco was for a while.
I am probably going to be doing a lot more writing each day to figure my way out of this mess as it seems to help. But since I’ve got to go soon I want to discuss Jane for a second. She loves me a lot, but says that marriage is not a requirement, which makes me believe we’ve got a chance – a good one, considering the fact she loves me a lot and I dig her also, to become lovers. She is probably a little disillusioned – another thing is she may be away this summer and is going to be away next year at college so unless she figures a way to be with me in New Orleans, I’ve got until the end of this school year to work quickly and get a lover while building up my repertoire here. I’ll write more later, gotta call Jane and see if she’ll bring me food. We’ve got to make everyone jealous.

“Until we’re no longer L7”
Phase II
Decision: We will stay in New Orleans until we’re cool and ready to move; bucks, cars, chicks, recognition. Signatures of Fred, Tom and Jeff.

March 18th, 1978 –-
(L)(F)
Saturday – Today was the happiest day of my life. I woke up happy and I went to sleep happy and everything in between was even better. Woke, phoned Jane and her mother invited me over for bacon and eggs. Then Jane and I went back and everyone checked out of the hotel room. Jane’s Mom lent us $40 to tide us over. We went back to Jane’s and her Mom gave Don $100 [lent us $100 to give him his share of earnings). Then me and Jane got in back of the van around 4pm and Fred and Robin drove to the French quarter with the others following in Don’s van.
Jane and I all day were kissing and loving and so happy and telling one another that we were totally happy and in love. We returned home and dropped one of the vans off and went back to the Quarter. Jane and I stayed in the van and made out. I licked and caressed her vagina for around 20 minutes with my mouth. We came very close to making love. All day long we had fun. She told me an incredible story of her love and how we met. I was persistent all day long in letting her know I want to make love. She caressed my privates with her hand. To be in love is to make each other happy. It was a sunny day too.

March 19th, 1978 –-
(L)
Sunday – Today, again was utter bliss- the reason: because in the evening I saw Jane and it was sweet. She is so much fun to be with and we are very much part of each other’s lives. Love is two people making each other happy.
[At that word 3 plain clothes cops approached the van as I was writing here in the morning of the 20th. We were sleeping out in a residential area and they checked us out. None of us have records so they let us go.]
We went out for about 1-½ hours. I am very persistent about the fact that I want to make love to her. I know she wants to make love with me too but I don’t think she’s let it into her head to take birth control pills but I give it about 3 weeks 2 days before she’s either on the pill or making plans that will go through to take it. The entire day Tom Fred and I stayed at the Holiday Inn for Berda to wire money so Tom could take a bus to California to see her but she never sent the money and in the evening he talked to her and she said she couldn’t afford it, so he hung up and is not going. Jane and I went to Robin’s. I am in love, love, love. I took a shower at Robin’s. The guys and I bought a 6-pack and went out to sleep under a tree in a residential area.

March 20th, 1978 –-
(F)(L)(E)
(1/1328.5)
Monday – This morning as I said last page we got rousted by 3 cops. Afterwards (none of us have records so they said) we cashed our check and split up the money. I paid my Dad back $86 and we paid Mrs. Trufant back her $140. I picked up Jane, had a lecture by Mrs. Trufant about how we’re an idle band and we got a hotel for Tom, Fred and I. When I came to the door Jane knew about me going out tonight with those girls. We stayed at the hotel while Tom and Fred went to get Robin. We made out. I keep letting her know I need to make love.
When Robin came Tom and I (and Fred) started singing all the old H.R.’s songs. I think the girls were impressed. We dropped off the gals and I think Jane was worried about me going out. Love inspires me, makes me think and will make me famous. Supposedly we’re the talk of Grace King. It’s now 7:50 pm and I’ll get ready to go out with the girls. I just got back from my date. Judy is a fox with big tits, nice face, and nice body. We kissed and were doing a lot of close stuff at the Showboat Bar. She was very nice and seemed awfully attracted to me. I asked her why and she said, “I don’t know. You’re cute!” I had a great time tonight with her. I love New Orleans. I know it’s going to be easy to make a name here.

March 21st, 1978 –-
(L)
Tuesday – Romantically tonight was very incredible. Briefly, the day held little excitement. I waterproofed the van. Jane and Robin came by the hotel. Jane was afraid that I had fallen in love with someone last night. I would use this opportunity to get her on the pill. I called Judy and she really wanted to see me. I was supposed to go to a party with Jane. What was I to do? I called Jane and told her I’d pick her up at 7:30 to 8 pm. I called Judy and told her that Tom and I would meet Janice and her at 8:30 to 8:45 pm and I suggested the Showboat as the meeting place. We got ready. It was very quiet when we picked up Jane. We went to the party and I ate 3 burgers and drank some beer. Then, as planned, Tom and I left the party and Jane “to go for a drink” – seemingly because I was upset Jane wasn’t on contraception, or so Fred was supposed to imply.
Tom and I drove about ¾ mile to the Showboat. We waited and after 20-25 minutes Judy and Janice came – about 9:15 – 9:20 pm until 10:30 pm we sat in a booth at the Showboat and kissed and were close, as did Janice and Tom.
Tom and I returned to the party. Jane sat down next to me and said, “I want to make love to you – soon.” I said “No.” – implying because no contraception. I brought Jane home. Tom, Fred and I went back to the Showboat and Tom and I met Judy and Janice at 11:35 pm as a planned. They left at midnight. From 2:30 am til dawn I talked to Judy on the phone. Judy and I are now in love. She doesn’t want to be apart. We talked a lot about making love.
Subject: Judy Pollard. I just wanted to write a little more about my dealings with Judy today and tonight. She is totally in love with me. I talked to her twice on the phone before we went out tonight. Then Tom and I met her and Janice at the Showboat while we were supposed to be at the party. After I dropped off Jane I met Judy again at the Showboat. I started noticing tonight that she really does like me when we kissed goodbye tonight and I must say, our kissing is improving tonight – oh sweetness! – she asked me to call her when she got home. I got the feeling that she didn’t want to lose me and she wanted to hold onto me. I called her and told her I had an overwhelming desire to make love to her. She said she felt the same. Then she said she’d like to talk to her aunt so I called her back again. We talked so long that Tom and Fred got exasperated so I asked if I could call when I got back to the hotel. She said yes.
We ran out of gas on the way back and I finally called her at the Holiday Inn at 2:35 am. We talked until dawn, which must have been about 6:15 am. Then I finally went to sleep. She loves me a lot. It is so great cause she’s so cute. She says she’d love to live here and make love every night. It was funny because it finally came down in the wee hours of the morning that I was asking her to make love to me tomorrow ( - rather it was today since I asked after midnight - ) and as I did with Jane, I threatened to not feel like writing or knowing her if she didn’t. She started crying. She said earlier that she couldn’t live without me. She kept asking me if I’d call her tomorrow and I kept saying I wanted to but I didn’t know. She finally said she’d make me feel good and to give her one more chance and go out with her tomorrow. I finally said goodbye and went to sleep.
On the other hand, I’ve got Jane – Jane asked me tonight if she could make love to me. Probably much to her surprise I said No – because I said she’d get pregnant and have to worry about that the entire time we were doing it. Jane loves me so much it is not even funny. She cares a great deal about me and I think she’d do a lot to please me and I am sure she’ll go on the pill because she wants to keep me. Judy is on my mind – it’s very strange.

March 22nd, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
Wednesday – Today we didn’t do much during the day. Nelson dropped off his guitar at a music shop to sell on consignment. We met a cop who was previously a commercial artist and who had even gone to Haight Ashbury. We told him about the group and girls and he said we were completely right and said a lot of interesting things. I went out with Judy. You know, sometimes you’ve just got to trust and love and have faith the other party will too. But tonight I told Judy a lot of mean things cause I was upset she would not make love to me. I ended up at the lakefront with her in the back of my van though and I felt her boobs through her shirt and her crotch a few times. She loved me so much. I came back to the house and went to bed with Jane. She caressed my privates and then I fell asleep.

March 23rd, 1978 –-
(L)(F)
Thursday – Today I awoke to Jane leaving. I wanted to follow. I loaded the van and we went to Destin, Florida with about $25 in our pockets. We are crazy but who cares. I am feeling like a real person now – following my heart. Anyway we got there. Jane was, at first glad to see me. You see, diary, I am experiencing what is known as the wrath of a woman – she was pissed I was ignoring her – then like a fool I told her about Judy! I broke the cardinal rule – I made a fool of her. Well, now I’m paying for it. We went to bed and messed around for a while after the lights went out tonight. I felt her up and she felt me up. I put it in her for a second. At least it felt like it. She said, “No!” I kept talking to her and she got more and more irritated.
It, diary, is one of those situations that one feels like making you miserable despite what you do. I have taken the understanding course. Nothing makes someone who’s wrathful more pissed than understanding. Then I’ll ignore her. She says she won’t take the pill.

March 24th, 1978 -/
(L)
Friday – When I woke up this morning Jane and I took a walk down the beach. She is really a bitch. I don’t even know why am being so nice to her. She says sex does not give her a thrill but she’d do it around her period just to please me. She wants to go on the pill. That is not really what bothers me. It is her attitude. She’s acting like I’ve got to chase her around. Her and Robin bought us a pizza tonight so that we could eat. Nice of them. I know it sounds like I’m being ungrateful to Jane but she makes up her mind about something and is so damn unchangeable. Just like my Mom. It is almost for this reason that I want to have her fall more madly in love with me. It is a challenge.
She obviously loves me but is so untrained in giving a man what he needs. I’m wondering if I want to hassle with training her although I know if anyone can do it I can. I told her to fuck off after she started falling asleep after she caressed my privates, which she does regularly. Then I apologized. Her temper is incredible.

March 25th, 1978 -/
(E)(L)
(3/1331.5)
Saturday – Jane woke up in a better mood today. All day long we laughed and sang with her and I laying in bed and Robin and Fred lying in another bed and the entire room filled with people. Tom, Fred and I sang songs and everyone would join in from time to time. In the early evening Jane and I went to bed and made out and I humped her until I came. I felt great after the release – oh – I mean I had my shorts on – we didn’t fuck or anything.
Afterwards Jane bought me a spaghetti, garlic bread and salad and milk dinner. It was great for me but she seemed depressed after we left the hotel. She said she was worried but would not say what it was about. Probably afraid of sex. In the evening we watched TV. She fell asleep. Later on she and I woke up when everyone had left. She caressed my privates and I hers. She took off her shorts. I put my cock on the outside of her vagina and I almost came as I slid it back and forth but she rolled off and went to sleep.

March 26th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)
(.5/1332)
Easter Sunday – Romantically the day was a success. I wrote out my problems with Jane and then talked to her. She said she didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t believe it. Then, as friends, I told her about the exact details of my dates with Judy and all the girls I met since her. She had thought I got it on with Judy the first night and I believe she felt better after she discovered it wasn’t true. I took her out to the beach and told her I thought she loved me and that the way she’s been acting is bullshit. After many words on my part she admitted the truth and said, “I love you so much.” The rest of the day was a blast. We are in love again.
Earlier in the day she had said no more sex but tonight I didn’t say a word to her in bed. She took off her pants and I slipped off her panties and as I did so I went down and began licking and sucking her vagina. She grabbed my dick (around back) and I stayed down there for about 20 minutes. It was delectable. Then I lay on top of her. I would have loved to fuck her. It’s got to come soon and then ecstasy. But she rolled me off and we slept. Her love is strong for me I believe but she’s been hurt by me already. I am now taking the upper hand in our relationship. I’m going to train her. I wrote 2 bitchin’ songs today – one is You’re The Tops.

March 27th, 1978 –-
(L)(E)(F)
Monday – Today we left Destin. Jane and I were in the back of the van the first half of the ride back. I’m sick of her not responding quite the way I want her to so when she ignored me I acted as if I didn’t notice. Pretty soon she warmed up and we kissed and had a fantastic time in the back. I played the guitar part of the way and when we got to McDonald’s she borrowed some money and bought me lunch. When I started driving she sat on the engine cover and we kissed at stoplights. I sang every Beatles song that I could think of (nearly).
When we got to Metairie we got Tom and dropped the girls off with Kevin. He said call him if we need food. She’s admitted to herself she’s in love again. As Kevin, Jane, Robin and Gail drove off we stood against the side of the van, with $.80 collectively and snapped our fingers in jest – “We Are so Cool” – and they laughed. Luckily in the evening our checks were there from Greyhound. Fred went to dinner at Robin’s. Tom and I went to Jane’s, watched TV and got our checks. When Jane said goodbye she pulled me into the dining room and kissed me to show me how much she likes me. I called home and talked to Dad (Happy Birthday) and Marc, Mike, Donna, Maxine. We slept in front of Greyhound.

March 28th, 1978 –-
(F)(E)(L)
Tuesday – We woke up and cashed our checks for $39.10. That gave us $78.20. We went to the post office and got our mail. Then we drove to the music store where Fred’s guitar is. We ate Kastleburgers. As we were driving to get coffee our van broke down and I called Brad – that guy who we met on the bus to Poplarville. He said “C’mon over.” I also talked to Jen Mr. Guiness’ wife – the guy who books the WNDE live radio show. We got the van running and went over to Brad’s house. I called all sorts of places while we were there. Brad insisted that we let him buy us dinner. He bought some Popeye’s Chicken and a 6-pack and we went to the lakefront and finished it. He had a guitar lesson so we went back to his house and after it was done (8pm) we got some more beer on him and we drove to Metairie.
I got dropped off at Jane’s. She has told her Mom we went to Destin. She took me in the living room and kissed and she told me that her Dad talked to her about the pill. When those guys came back Jane came out to the van. Brad thought she was really cute. She looked good tonight. She loves me! The four of us then went to the French Quarter and got drunk and had a great old time. We stopped in for coffee and then drove back to Brad’s house and Tom slept in the van whilst Fred and I slept in beds in Brad’s house unknown tonight by his parents.

March 29th, 1978 –-
(E)(L)
Thursday – Upon awaking we had the problem of fixing our clutch. So… I was supposed to call Jane at 1 pm. At 1:40 pm I called her and Jim McGuiness had just called her. He had a job for us at Warehouse West Friday night but I had to let him know if we could do it by 4 pm today. It was incredible – I was racing all over the place, calling Miami, etc., trying to find out if Don or somebody could play drums for us. I called Mark Olsen and he said he’d get Don at the house. Anyway, I finally got a hold of Don and told him I’d fly him up. He said O.K. – but that I’d have to call him at midnight to confirm. The clutch got tightened.
In the evening I went to Jane’s. On the pretense of playing the guitar we went to the game room and made out – we are so in love and it was so utterly romantic with her tonight. It’s so nice and wonderful to be in love. I played her 2 songs. Jane and I are so close she could be writing this right now. We all went back to Brad’s house and Tom and Fred took off to sleep in the field and I had to wait until 2:30 am before Don discovered his phone was unhooked. We finally made arrangements for Don to fly up and I went to sleep out in the field. So tomorrow night we’re playing at the Warehouse West.

March 30th, 1978 -/
(E)(L)(A)
(3.5/1335.5)
Friday – I woke up after a very un-restful sleep. My stomach hurt. We ate the goodies that a neighbor dropped by Brad’s house and showered and packed the equipment. I picked up Jane. We went to pick up Don but he missed the 1:40 pm flight and wouldn’t be in until 7:06 pm. We wasted time over at the Holt’s house and went to set up our equipment at 6 pm. At 6:35 pm Jane and I left to pick up Don and the clutch went completely out. We went back to Warehouse West. I was so despondent. She came to me and spoke the sweetest words of love I’ve ever heard or imagined and she said she wanted to be with me forever and I told her how wonderful it was to find her and we were both so happy and so in love. She’s been saying how we will be making love soon because her period is coming soon.
The girls got a friend to get Don and we set up and did a sound check. I had time to grab a raunchy meal and then we played from about 10 pm - 2 am and it was absolutely terrible. We sounded terrible. The vocal speakers were feeding back and it made the performance terrible because you couldn’t hear the vocals and Tom had a cold and he lost his voice and we were all tired, hungry, unrehearsed, and/or sick. It was a fiasco from our viewpoint.
I snuck in Jane’s house at about 3 am and we went to the game room and made out and with our clothes on I lay on top of her and came in my pants. She told me it was OK for me to sleep out there so she left and I fell fast asleep.

April 1st, 1978
(E)(L)(F)
(4.5/1340)
Saturday – On top of all the other problems I had yesterday I had a stomachache. I awoke today to Jane’s soft touch and smiling face and she said her Dad told her to make me eggs and bacon. So I went inside and had eggs, bacon, toast, coffee, orange juice, chocolate milk and cereal plus 2nd’s on toast coffee and OJ. I went and lay in her backyard in the sun and rested. She did an errand and returned at 2:25 pm and we went to Warehouse West. The guys were waiting for me. I rearranged the PA columns and we practiced til 5 pm. I walked Jane to the car. Whenever we apart we can’t wait to see each other again!
I talked to Brad about joining the group and I talked to Don about moving up here to help us. I practiced by myself on stage until Jane and Robin came by. Jane drove me to McDonalds’. On the way back to the motel room. I was asking her about taking the pill and she said “Well, I guess I’ll have to do that.”
The performance went better tonight. When we were done we got $170. A DJ from a Baton Rouge radio station says he’ll play us on the radio if we give him a tape and Renee, a friend of Robin’s, says a guy who owes her favors has a studio, so we may get a free recording time! Jane says tonight we’ll start making love soon because her period is coming! We slept in the hotel room tonight. I’m to call Jane when I wake up mañana.

April 2nd, 1978
(L)(F)(E)
Sunday – We woke up and showered. You know, I haven’t read a book in a hell of a long time. Jane came by to say “Hi” as we were storing our equipment in the back of Warehouse West. We went to have free chicken at the Pumping Station, which Bill Perrin owns. When Jane came by later we got in a fight because I want her to go on the pill. Brad offered to help us get an apartment so we might get one tomorrow. He went back to his house this evening. We put Don on the plane. He took $40, which leaves us with $117. He said he’ll see us in 1 ½ to 2 weeks and I’ll talk to him on Thursday. Fred went to sleep at Robin’s. I called Jane tonight after our fight today. She was very apologetic. At first she was saying she won’t go on the pill but I explained how I want to be safe and we both want to make love – in fact she says she’s anticipating it when her period starts. So by the end of the conversation we were totally back in love and she says she’ll keep an open mind about it. I deal with her much better when I’m a nice guy.

April 3rd, 1978
(L)
Monday – I awoke surprisingly to Jane’s sweet smile and soft touch and it started my day off right. She came by our van before school. In the morning Fred and I looked all over for apartments. In the afternoon Robin gave us a ride to pick up Brad, who told me in the morning by phone that we should get a place. We brought him back to Fat City – Jane came by and we made out in the van. She is so sweet and I am so in love it is absolutely silly, but wonderful beyond compare.
After dinner at McDonalds we were walking back to the van (Brad withdrew $350 from the bank today) and we found a place and ended up renting it right then and there. It is called El Matador but we cannot move in until Wednesday. I am very excited. Fred went to Robin’s and Jane came by and we made out in the van. It was so nice to be with her. Maybe by Friday we will be settled in our apartment and Jane will be on her period so we can make love, sweet love to our heart’s delight. Brad is bitchin’. Me, Tom and him drank beer and smoked in the later evening.

April 4th, 1978
(L)
Tuesday – Jane didn’t come by this morning because she couldn’t but in the afternoon she came by and we went to the lakefront. There I got depressed as much as I could with a sweet girl like Jane next to me, because I want to make love to her so badly. She said she can’t wait til her period so can make love. (Do you know that yesterday she was saying what a big dick I have and I was laughing saying it was small.) We went back to van.
In the evening she came by and we made out and I went down on her for about 10-15 minutes. I had her pelvis moving back and forth. It must have felt good for her. I put my dick up against her cunt and it felt so good to both of us that we both almost didn’t care and almost made love then and there – I held her up close and said, “Wouldn’t you love to?” and she said, “Yes.” We stopped but I asked her if we could do it again until I came and she said OK as long as I didn’t do it on her. So we motioned, dick on outer cunt, until I came and I pulled away. It felt utterly great and she admitted that it felt awfully good. She prayed up to heaven that her period would come. We paid for the apartment today.

April 5th, 1978
(L)(A)
Wednesday – When I woke up, Nelson and I walked 6 miles to Louisiana Power and Light in order to put down our deposit for our electricity. The whole way we talked about Jane and Robin or cut down Tom. It was a lot of fun. I called the happy Jane at 1 pm and she came and picked us up from LP&L. She was so sweet. She said I was invited to dinner. We unloaded the van into our apartment in the late afternoon. Robin let me take a shower at her house and I went to dinner at Jane’s shortly before 7 pm. I stuffed my face with pork chops, salad and baked potatoes and desert. After her parents took a walk and we made out. I am so in love! She is so in love? It is so great. We’ll just sit there and kiss and stare into each other s eyes. We can’t wait til we can make love. She even said today that for the first time last night she saw the issue of the pill from my point of view! I feel like she is growing to fit my needs. I came back and fixed up my room at our new place. I am really in love!

April 6th, 1978
(E)(L)
(1/1341)
Thursday – Today was excellent, things are going great. In 10 days we have gotten and fulfilled a playing engagement, got an agent and got an apartment. For me, I have the most wonderful girlfriend imaginable. I awoke late today. It was nearly 1 pm and I was going to call Jane and she arrived at the apartment. She came to my room and we made out, took off our clothes. I put my dick by her privates and for a long time I laid on top of her. We were so in love. It was sensational. At one moment I put my dick all the way in her. But I took it out to be safe. I finally humped with my dick against her wet vagina and came on my sleeping bag.
In the evening I got a ride to her place to wait for Don’s call. Don never called but Jane and I sat outside and it was a lot of fun. She’s constantly grabbing dick. This is fun! We are very deeply in love!!! I hitched back (breaking my vow in Spain) and a doctor smoked a joint of Panama Red when I got a ride. Had 10 free tamales.

April 7th, 1978
(L)(E)(F)
Friday – Diary, I am so in love – I don’t know any other joy so great. Tonight I experience an ultimate romantic experience. Jane came by. We were alone. It was about 8:15 pm. We talked. Then kissed. Shut the door. Locked it. Then shut out the lights. The feeling was so perfect. I went inside her a little. Then slowly in. I stopped. Then motioned my full length in and out. I came but pulled out first. It was perfect, beautiful, brilliant. Twice more I went into her and came, pulling out. Then at about 11 pm I found myself lying near her hips. As I started kissing her vagina she began kissing my penis. I stayed kissing, sucking her vagina on my back and she put my penis in her mouth an inch or 2. I could feel her teeth. We were so in love nothing mattered. We knocked over a glass of wine and didn’t care. We fell asleep and I woke her at 1 am and she left.
I could scarcely believe all I have waited for has come so quickly and easily. I made love 3 times to Jane in one evening and she went down on me. O-La-la. So fine. Her body is so nice. She says she could do it over and over again. This is unreal. It is like a dream. It is so utterly romantic. We get along so well. I am overflowing with feeling. The 1st time we made love tonight was the best. It was so utterly perfect I find it utterly incomprehensible. It was as if we did it totally out of love and every motion was full of feeling. The way things are going are great.
Today Fred received $100 from his Dad. We met Jim McGuiness and gave him $30. He may have a job paying $450 for one night for us. I talked to Don collect today and will call him back Sunday night. A Vietnamese guy named Lee bought me a few drinks after Jane left us.

April 8th, 1978
(L)(E)
Saturday – I was going to call Jane at around 2:30 pm when she walked in. She said excitedly that she was on her period! Then the bad news was that she was grounded for getting in late. She had to leave, but returned at about 4:05 pm and we lay on my bed. Shortly before 6 pm, since I thought she was going to be grounded, we made love, but it was fast and introverted. Nevertheless! She asked Kevin Welsh to ask her out and bring her over here, so surprisingly Mrs. Trufant let Jane go out and Kevin brought her to me around 8:35 pm.
She and I were wallowing in our perfect love, after eating Barbequed Chicken, and I said “I feel like being naked in bed with you.” She said, “So do I” so we went to my room, grabbed a drink, a cigarette, put a Do Not Disturb Sign on the door, undressed, laid down, talked and I said, “Whatever we do, let’s be sure to make it un-pressured.” So we ended up making beautiful love and a little later we made love for the 3rd time today. She left at 12:45 am. I love her.
Brad vowed tonight he would become our drummer. We have been working out a financial plan for H.R. Inc. I’ve been getting compliments on my leadership abilities.

April 9th, 1978
(E)
Sunday – I awoke a little while ago. Called Jane and she is coming over at about 1 pm. Brad came in my room and said some of the most bitchin’ things about his involvement with the group as our drummer. He said, “I’m not really doing it for the money but just because I want to be there when it happens.” I want to make it official that today Paddy Mallon’s name will be erased from the record and Brad is our ideal drummer because he is the ideal man. He said, “I like you guys. To think I’ll be part of the music. I want to be part of you guys. I’ve always liked the drums.” He talked about the man who will make us. He said, “Nothing can stop us!” Bitchin’. I feel transported from when I sat in my room at my apartment in 1973 in the summer and dreamt of being a great composing genius.

April 10th, 1978
(L)
(1.5/1392.5)
Monday – Today is the most wonderful day of my life – the most enjoyable and wondrous. When we made love today it was so beautiful. It was as if the whole world became utopia, euphoria pervaded all my senses. Her lips were so sexy, her hair an unimaginable maze of blonde forest, her skin a wonder, her eyes a brilliant representation of the mystery, beauty and wonderment of human life – sparkling upward to mine, perceiving all this and I laid on top of her. Everything seemed so sweet, so intriguing. Life, itself took on a beautiful look. I said, “I feel like I am in heaven” and she said, “And I am right there with you.” I called her tonight and we talked on the phone in romantic bliss. I’ll pick her up at school tomorrow at 12:30 pm. The reason she got to spend so much time with me today was because she was supposed to cheer at a softball game but she was excused from it and she just told her Mom that she went. She’s coming over here tomorrow for lunch.

April 11th, 1978
(L)(E)
(.5/1343)
Tuesday – I picked up Jane from school at 12:30 pm. She came to the apartment. We were making out on my bed and got so horny that we decide to take off our clothes. As soon as she pulled off her panties I got on top of her, went in and we made love for about 3 ½ minutes and I felt like such a man, it was fun! I tried to hold back but I got too excited and came. Later I caressed her vagina and I went into her again for a good while but did not come (1 var).
I brought her home and her mother bitched at her – then we left together and went back to the apartment. Then Fred joined us and we dropped Robin off at her house. We went to the post office to change our address and pick up our mail. The lady said she had returned some of my mail. Jane was standing there when the lady handed me 5 letters from Judy. On the way back I read 3 of them to Jane. In them Judy said she loved me and was coming to live in New Orleans for 6 weeks. But I will not allow Judy to interfere with the magnificent love Jane and I have. Jane stayed until I dropped her off at 7 pm at home. Milton came by with crawfish and I ate about 25 of them. Jane came by after sorority and we kissed for a few minutes and fell more in love.

[Section lost. –Editor]

…for such a man to help us and he said that he feels he does not fit in, etc, and so, he is not coming up here. I agreed with him because I had made up my mind that I didn’t want to deal with him anymore unless he miraculously wanted to transform his whole personality. We could break in another drummer and have him play with us until Brad is ready but that is a lot of time we could be using to teach Brad. It is only fair to Brad to devote ourselves to him as much as we want him to be devoted to us.
So I plan to take pictures etc., and when the package is complete enough I am going to go downtown and find us a dedicated manager. Brad is in. One week from today, if progress has been made I will write in a check mark on that goal which I made a box next to, to get a dedicated drummer. I fee confident that I can sell this group now. Andy Irving said something that was true. We were only ¾ of a group. Now we are whole. Now we can and will be sold – by me!

April 12th, 1978
(L)(E)
(4/1347)
Wednesday – Today, again was fantastic. Jane came over at about 10 o’clock with Robin and woke us up and stayed for around ½ hr. Shortly after 12:30 pm, Fred made me and him a magnificent meal of bacon and eggs and toast and milk. Then Jane and I went to the bedroom. We were making out. I made her a deal to take off her pants, since she wanted to check how the blemishes on my back were doing.
I got so excited now with her. It is as if my whole body gets all keyed up. Again I got right on top of her. I played making her vagina wet with the tip of my hard dick. I got inside and we made perfect love for about 5 minutes, although time loses its relativity during the act. I came inside her and it was beautiful. Later we were just messing around and I got inside her and I came inside her again. We went into a deep sleep and awoke at about 3:30 pm. She had to get up to go to practice but she started playing with my dick and I got hard and went into her again and we motioned really fast and I came in her for a 3rd time. She dropped me off at Warehouse West to practice. She dropped by there again at about 5 pm for a few minutes. We didn’t get much practice done. At about 7 pm we went home to eat. I smoked 2 J’s with Tom and Brad; Jane came by, and we made out and it was so sweet.
We said goodbye and I ate some more of Fred’s excellent spaghetti. We sat around and played songs from our old books. On April 10th we went through songs 1-27. On April 11th through songs 27-32 and tonight we went through songs 33-78. Lee – the name of a Vietnamese guy who lives near us in the building came over and brought some booze. We drank up and complimented each other and Brad was told how bitchin he was and Tom, Fred and I felt great to be together singing these old songs together after such a long time. Brad’s definitely the guy.

April 13th, 1978
(E)(L)
(4/1351)
Thursday – Today Jane came by with Robin again and woke us up. We all laughed and had a great time. Before Jane left she complained of a pain in her chest and dizziness, but it was only hunger. The boys and I went to Warehouse West and practiced with Brad for the first time. Brad did well for the 1st time. I talked to Bill and he said he’d let us play there again if we got our act together and got new PA speakers. After Brad left, Tom, Fred and I jammed for about 30 minutes on one rift out of “It’s A Cruel World.” It was neat. Tom, Fred and I walked back to the apartment. Jane came by to say hello and then left to party with her girlfriends. We ate dinner then Brad showed up. We smoked some joints and then played through songs number 79-100.
The girls came by to spend the night (since tomorrow is senior cut day and they told their folks they were staying at Vicki’s). As we were playing a lady popped her head through my bedroom window (we were all in my room) and said ‘Do you need a manager?’ Someone said Who? And she said Me. So we played another song for her and she said we had beautiful harmonies, etc. I got her number and will call her tomorrow at about 2:30 pm. Jane and I went to bed – I dragged my bed into our big closet. By the time we left the closet the next morning we had made love 3 times, each time no less than 20 minutes and one time for about 30 minutes. I get awfully excited with her. It was exquisite lovemaking!!!!

April 14th, 1978
(L)
Friday – Woke up got outta bed and we all flew into a car and drove to the lakefront and started drinking beer. I was in the back with Jane. We got there and Nelson and I were making toasts to each other with a bottle of champagne. There was so much Popeye’s Chicken there that I had my fill of it. It was great. When we got back to the apartment Jane and I went to my bed in my closet and I licked her vagina, then inserted my dick, then went down there again, then made love for awhile, and ate her again, then made love and came inside her. It was exquisite!!
We got up and had crab for dinner, which Brad brought home. I went to Marcia’s at around 7 pm and picked up a copy of the contract for us to see. Jane called her mother and lied to her again as usual. Later on in the evening we were going to take a shower together but she said, “Could we take a rain check?” I said. “What do you want to do then?” And she grabbed my hand and brought me to my bed and we made absolutely magnificent love and I can use the adjective every time with her because sex with Jane is bliss.

April 15th, 1978
(E)(L)
(1.5/1352.5)
Saturday – Today was absolutely bitchin’. We were supposed to go to the prom in the evening. All day long from 12 til 8 or so we were with Marcia, as planned. By the end of the day she had a real good drummer flying down from Detroit and had gone to the airport and paid for this ticket. It was incredible the ideas and good progress we made. We placed our own checklist on her wall and we played her some songs, which she recorded on her cassette player.
Jane came by and I kissed her in the sunlight outside in the most romantic fashion. Marcia said she had $4,850 in the bank and would spend it if necessary. We all signed an exclusive agreement with her, which can be voided anytime by 3 band members. We decided Brad would not be our drummer! I got ready for the prom. We all decided not to go. Everyone left for a while so Jane and I got on my bed and I took off our clothes. I ate her vagina for about 18 minutes and she even put my dick into her mouth about an inch. Then we made love. Everyone came back and we went to a party at Renee’s. I won a few games of pool. Jane told her Mom she was staying at Renee’s and we went back to my place. Jane wore my pajama top and took off my pajama bottoms and we made the most beautiful love imaginable for a long time. After a perfect sleep we awoke and again made beautiful early morning love.

April 16th, 1978
(L)(E)
Sunday – Today we finally got up at about 11:10 am. I showered and Jane, Fred, Robin, me, Renee and some other chick took off for a condominium resort in Mississippi called Diamondhead. It was very boring. When we headed back Jane made some mention that Judy was coming in a few days and we ended up fighting and I told her to fuck off, but we made up and I promised not to say that to her again. They dropped us off near 7 o’clock. I spent the entire evening at Marcia’s (our new manager’s apartment). I first discovered that Mike the drummer isn’t coming down from Detroit. I called him twice and the 2nd time I more or less expressed that he come down as scheduled or forget it. Then I talked to Jane and we, of course, are as in love as ever. She’s so utterly sweet and caring. She said Jimmy called so I called him and arranged for us to practice with him tomorrow about one o’clock. Brad came over and I took him outside and said, “Please be our drummer.” Naturally, being so loyal to us he replied, “Yes, I will.” I stayed at Marcia’s for a while and ate. I called my Dad and he sounds good.

April 17th, 1978
(L)(E)(F)
(3.5/1356)
Monday – We were supposed to meet Jimmy at 1 pm at Warehouse West. We were late after doing laundry, fixing the van and eating. We worked on, Until We’re Together. It was neat because Brad was mad that we were letting Jimmy play with us. After Jimmy left (by the way Jane came by and we kissed and argued – I hinted for the first time in a week or so about the pill) we worked on my song It Doesn’t Matter and it sounded very hot. Brad’s doing extremely well. Marcia came by and built up our egos and we all went back to her apartment at about 9:30 pm.
We had dinner at her place and I called Jane and she said we could talk about the pill tomorrow (but we don’t come right out and say, “The Pill.”) Marcia gave me $20 to buy strings. After everyone left and I was alone with her, we seduced each other. I was horny so I went for it and I knew she was horny because she said she loves sex, etc. At about 4:05 am we went to the bedroom and got into bed. She left a robe on. We fucked and we both agreed later it was pretty good for a first time. I put it in for a spell afterwards but didn’t come which is why 1 var.

April 18th, 1978
(L)(E)
(2.5/1358.5)
Tuesday – I woke up and lay in bed til Jane came. We kissed and rolled around. The only reason I didn’t come was because I didn’t feel like doing it when we weren’t screwing. That bit with Marcia last night was for real. She was belly dancing and I was getting excited. She was drunk. The screwing part was a lot of fun. Although I didn’t make her come (so she said) I feel she enjoyed it. She is a real weird kisser. She was talking about sex a lot and I was very curious because she talked so knowledgeable, but she said today it was a mistake to have let it happen.
The boys and I checked out $4,800 worth of PA equipment today. Then we went over to practice. We argued a hell of a lot today and it was a drag – mostly Tom and I, but we got everything resolved. He is merely anxious to practice. Marcia came by with Mr. Albert Fill, and we played a few numbers acoustically for this gentleman. He said he liked our stuff and would try tomorrow to find a way to record a small tape to bring him. I told Jane that I’m going to find out about birth control and she said she’d keep and open mind.

April 19th, 1978
(L)(E)
(3/1361.5)
Wednesday – Today was bitchin’. Jane came by and we went in our 3rd bedroom and we kissed and kissed and I went down on her twice and tried to get her to go down on me but she didn’t really put it in her mouth. We were so horny that I put it in and we made love and I pulled out and came on the floor. She split and I showered and had lunch, then went down to practice. We went over It Doesn’t Matter and Until We’re Together 3-times and then worked a little on Heavenly Is the Way I Feel. We then worked on I’m In Love Again and it sounded as good as the other 2 we’ve got down. We left at 8 pm.
Before I ate I called Jane and made complaint after complaint about how I couldn’t see her enough and my fears – she suggested that we rendezvous at 2:15 am tonight – so I said I would. We were to meet in her patio. I ate dinner and until l2:00 am I drank wine and talked to Brad, Tom, and Fred about the group, etc. It was the bitchinest conversation in a long time. Very heated.
At shortly after 2 Fred and I left. He went to Robin’s and I went to Jane’s. After about 4 minutes Jane came outside. We went into the game room and into the loft bedroom. We drank wine and took off our clothes. We made love for a long time but I didn’t come. I fell asleep. When I awoke Jane went down and started sucking on my penis. I couldn’t believe it but then I’ve been expecting it. I went down on her. We made love and I pulled out. It was morning we were all sweaty. In love we kissed goodbye. The van wasn’t there but Fred came racing around the corner. We laughed our way home, had breakfast and fell asleep.

April 20th, 1978
(L)(F)
(1/1363.5)
Thursday – I woke at 10:45 am in time to stumble down to Marcia’s place of business, as we arranged. Mr. Phil said goodbye to me. I was so tired I fell asleep until about 2 pm and Marcia and I went to her new nice soon to be apartment a few blocks from ours after which she dropped me off. Jane came by and she looked real cute. We made out for a while. It was a lot of fun. She and I are so in love. I called her in the evening and she said that she wanted me to come over for another rendezvous but her grandmother was sleeping over and there was no way she could get out but that she would come by between 1 and 1:15 pm tomorrow. I was upset.
I swear, ever since Sunday I have been in a bad mood and Jane and I have not been getting along too well. I told her to just forget coming by and hung up, but I called her back and told her that I really wanted her to come by. Tom and I went out late at night and got some pancakes, etc. but the van conked out. It wouldn’t start so we had to compression start it. We almost didn’t make it home but finally we did. I hope we get some insurance money from Henry Bryan. One of these days I’ll have to get him on the phone.

April 21st, 1978
(E)(L)
(.5/1364)
Friday – Last night we had a meeting of Tom, Brad and I instituted the following schedule: everyone up at nine, morning run, breakfast, practice until 11 am. Then practice from 3 pm to 7 pm and have dinner at 8 pm.
Today we got up at 9 am, ran to Marcia’s place of work and back, ate breakfast, practiced for around 30 minutes. Marcia came by and told us that we were going to record at 7:30 pm tonight. All day we tried to fix the van with no luck, for in the evening when we were ready to go, the van didn’t start. We put all our equipment in Marcia’s car and went, though I refused to record on their 2-track studio player so the guy asked us what we needed and I said and 8-track studio. He said he’d have an 8-track player brought to Warehouse West on next Wednesday. We had a good long talk with Robert Godors and he said if there’s any meat in our music he can get us a recording contract within 90 days. He said it will cost $20,000 to get us ready and we need a financial backer.
After the meeting I bumped into Jane in Fat City. She was incredibly drunk and sweet. She had arranged to spend the night. She passed out but I put her to bed and she woke up and she started making love to me. She went down on me too by the time we got out of bed Sunday morning.

April 22nd, 1978
(L)
Saturday – This morning when Jane and I made love (which was accounted for in Friday’s entry). She seemed apprehensive and it wasn’t as much fun as the other 2 times. We got up and Lee, the Vietnamese guy asked us to go shopping with him (for steak and beer) so Tom and I went with him. When we got back Robin, Fred and I went shopping for a tuxedo for Fred and I for May 6th. I got a blue tux with tails – it looks neat. Earlier today Jane said she thought she was pregnant. I’m almost positive that she is not.
Jane, Gail and Robin left at about 5:40 pm shortly, after which we ate steak and drank beer. Whereas last night had to be one of the best nights I’ve ever had with a girl in my life, what with Jane and I loving superbly and us running around in my pajamas, her, like a little sex kitten, tonight had to be one of the worst nights I’d ever spent with her. I was loaded and she was acting extremely bitchy all evening. I threw a beer bottle on the floor and refused to let her leave. Finally the night calmed down.

April 23rd, 1978
(L)(E)
(.5/1369.5)
Sunday – Things picked up today. In fact today was rather “bobular” – a word we made meaning, bitchin’, which in turn means just like us, which in turn means great. So… it seems that exactly, one week of misery has ended, starting with Jane and mines argument one Sunday ago in the later afternoon and ending late this Sunday afternoon when a huge weight seems to be lifted from my shoulders. Jane and I went on errands and things were neat and she bought me a snoball, but in the late afternoon when I picked her up things were still tense.
Almost to the week I had a talk with her and she said her mother has been hassling her. We made arrangements so I can sneak over there tomorrow night at 2:15 am. I’m seeing my goals properly these days. She called me at 12:30 am tonight as prearranged. Brad left the group tonight because I drew the line to stay at the meeting or quit. Tom and Fred supported my stand and I love them for it. We are gonna make it Brad and I got in a scuffle ‘cause I wouldn’t let him out without him making a decision.

April 24th, 1978
(E)(L)
(1/1365.5)
Monday – Today was OK despite numerous inconveniences. We went down to practice and the very popular band Zebra was using the hall. The owner then asked Fred to help him clean up the place. Fred said jokingly, “Well, manual labor isn’t my bag but…” and the owner told us he wouldn’t let us use his place to practice anymore. That was kind of a big blow because that was the perfect practice spot. Then the keys were taken from us to Marcia’s apartment.
Anyway, we got the van fixed – a plug was unplugged. Jane came over twice during the day. The first time we rolled around on the bed and I came in my shorts (1 var). Brad was re-admitted to the band after he apologized, said he was gonna be better and received 60 chest shots of magnitude 4. At 2:30 am I met Jane under the parasol. We went to the bedroom atop the game room. She took off her gym shorts and we made love. It was nice. We made love again later and drank beer. I pulled out both times. I went down on her and I think she might have come. I left shortly before 5 am. I am utterly in love.

April 25th, 1978
(L)
(0/1365.5)
Tuesday – Today was a first rate day. I’ve been pretty upset lately because so many things are falling through. Jane came by in the afternoon and told me to do a striptease so I took off my clothes. Then she did a striptease in front of me. We lay down and kissed. It was the most incredible thing because I didn’t even get physical turned on for once, but it was so neat. I made plans to see her tonight.
Tonight when I went to her house her Dad had fallen asleep in the living room and so we couldn’t meet. I was so disappointed. It was an entirely weird day. It was partially because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. (But as you can see tomorrow was a lot better day and it started off with Jane making up for last night by visiting me). Fred is tentatively planning to fly out to California on either Thursday or Friday. He plans to send the rent money out next Monday so we can pay the rent. I took a long, long bath today after laying out in the sun. Afterwards was when Jane came over.

April 26th, 1978
(E)(L)
(3/1368.5)
Wednesday – Today we awoke and ran down to get our telephone, which Brad arranged for us to get yesterday. I was overjoyed when I got the phone in. We ran back to the apartment. I got in fights with a few of the guys and then we ate breakfast and went over a few of the songs until a little past 11 am. At about 12:30 pm Fred and I went to take the van to Grace King but it didn’t work and we got a ride from Bill, Robin, etc. Jane and I went with Bill to exchange my tuxedo and then back to the apartment.
She and I took off our clothes and made love and I pulled out before I came in her. We laid around and before she left we made love again starting with her on top and then we rolled over and it was real good – it was neat because it felt kinda high powered – she had her legs together.
I walked her to Grace King and came back and we practiced – about 6:30 pm Brad got bummed out and said sometimes he couldn’t stand my personality – Fred and Tom really got pissed at him. I talked to him and was real friendly to him and he joined the group again. He’ll stay. At dinner I told Tom that I was leader of the group but only because he appointed me leader and he lit up and said, “I appoint you leader,” and we toasted. Then Fred agreed. Tom and Fred got in a fight because Fred’s leaving for California tomorrow. Got drunk.

April 27th, 1978
(E)(L)
(3.5/1372)
Thursday – Today has been an absolutely bitchin’ day. It was great. I vaguely remember Nelson leaving and saying goodbye early this morning. Brad, Tom and I had a morning run, then practice, then breakfast. Then I lay out in the sun. Then Jane came over. I took a shower and rinsed off. She was lying on my bed and I walked in my room, locked the door and started kissing her whilst I was nude. She melted. We pulled off her shorts and I stuck it in!! We made love for a while, 1st variation, and I pulled out. It was great. We went outside and had a beer and sat in the sun. After she left, Tom and I practiced and then Brad joined us. It started getting a little tedious but it was a bitchin’ practice.
At 7:30 I talked to Judy on the phone and told her I really wanted her to come here. We talked for 15 minutes; I fixed a Sirloin Steak - baked potato feast that was delicious tonight. We went to Gondora’s to get Brad’s drums but we didn’t buy them. Then we ate, like I said. I called my sister Donna and we talked for 13 minutes. Jane came by and we’ve arranged to meet at 2:45 am so that’s where I am now. I met her and we went to the loft and made beautiful love – I didn’t come at all so I’m counting it as 2 var. and I went down on her so that’s 3 var. Today, was classic. Bon Soir.

April 28th, 1978
(E)(L)
(2/1374)
Friday – Today was a very nice day. It was a sunny day and I laid out in the sun a lot and got a tan. I always think that lying out in the sun is a worthwhile occupation –it’s so nice – what a baby I am! How I indulge in my pleasure. Still I believe nothing but good will come of me and my (Jane said her family calls me MS as a Joke. Moocher-Smoocher!) Guess what! I went down to the mailbox and there was a letter from Lynn – that beautiful girl I made love to on the ship. She is so sweet. My heart jumped for joy to have her remember me. With this, the 2nd letter, I am sure I will see her and love her again. I really believe she likes and appreciates me.
Tonight Jane picked me up in company w/ Gail and Claudia. After a drink at Port’s (which stands for Piss On Everything, Tomorrow’s Saturday), we walked back to the apartment together and I put her in bed around 10:30 pm because she hadn’t had much sleep since our rendezvous last night. Until l2:28 pm Hock and I had an extremely friendly talk in which I hauled him out of his depression. At 12:28 pm I crawled in bed with Jane and we made incredibly passionate love and I pulled out. I went down on her during it. Brought her home.

April 29th, 1978
(L)
(2/1376)
Saturday – Again today, for the 3rd day is a row I spent with a little time out in the sun. I like to do that. I don’t like to be cramped in a little room all day. I love feeling the sun’s warm rays coming down on me. I woke up and got keys made, did shopping and we did the laundry. I lay out in the sun for about 15 minutes, went for a dip in the swimming pool, took a shower and was ready for practice. Do you know that Lynn’s letter closed with I love you, Lynn? Isn’t that sweet? Everything she says is so nice.
When I awoke this morning I called Marcia in Detroit and we talked for around 30 minutes. After practice 4-6 pm, and a dinner of Popeye’s chicken and Timesaver Beer, I called Marcia again and asked her if she’d teach me (how to make love well) she reassured me a number of times that she would.
Jane picked me up at 10:15 pm. She got upset but at the party we were at she said, “Let’s go back and make passionate love.” We went back and she was pretty aggressive. Everything was so nice. We made love one time, first me on top, then her, then me for the end. I pulled out. It was an exquisite pleasure.

April 30th, 1978
(L)
(2/1378)
Sunday – Nelson still hasn’t called. Jane came by in the late afternoon after her new job as a lifeguard and we kissed. She told me to take off my pants: “I think you should take off your pants.” So I did then I slipped aside her bathing suit and stuck my dick in her and we rolled around for a while (1 var) but I did not come and I pulled out and she had to go so she did. I said I’d call her at 9 pm. We practiced and then Frieda, Tom’s pretty, fat girlfriend came by with some steaks.
I called Jane and she wasn’t home so I called Diane La Monte, another girl I had met on the boat. We talked pleasantly and I said I’d call her in the next few days. Then I called Jane at Robin’s. I called her again when she got home. She said” “You don’t have anything to do with your time. I do. All you do is practice, eat, practice, eat and sleep. I don’t have that much time to see you anymore. So if I can, I’ll call you or come by tomorrow.” I said, “Don’t bother ever trying to contact me again in anyway,” and I hung up on her. Brad and I went to the Quarter and had a sensational time. It was bitchin’. We had Gran Mariner and coffee. When I got home I tried to call Lynn and Judy but neither one of them was home. We are going to be the most successful band of all time.

May 1st, 1978
(E)(L)(F)
(3/1381)
Monday – A few nights ago Hock and me were talking. I more or less developed the following. Every song that I write Hock will sing and every song that he writes I will sing and we will never divulge to anyone who writes what, it will simply say by Jeff Shea and Tom Hockridge – since the singer will do a lot to develop the song. And everyone is complimented and there is no jealousy since we both always get and deserve credit.
Well, things are clearing up from this mess, which started about 2 weeks ago. That was when I found out Fred was leaving for California. Marcia was leaving for Detroit and Jane was leaving for Jam-Jam weekend. There was rent that would be due about the time Fred and Marcia were due back. I called Fred today and he called me back and told me that he was just about to leave. He called me back tonight to tell me $200 was in the mail for rent and he was in Barstow, California. He said he’d call Wednesday. I had a long talk with Jeff Clymer on the telephone (& Hock) and we invited him to come for good. We also got Cappa’s and Friedman’s addresses and phone #’s.
I had a 40 minute talk with cute Lunitsa and hopefully it will grow into something. Marcia came home tonight and I started hounding her the second she came in to work hard for us. In the morning tomorrow we’re suppose to bring our PA to test it out at Derek’s, Brad’s brothers school, to see if we can earn $200 Friday by lending it out. Jane and I made up tonight. She invited me over for 3 am and when I got there a dog followed me and I tried to lose it but when Jane and I started kissing in the loft the dog started howling. Three times we tried and he kept coming back but I finally left for fear of his barks discovering me to her parents.

May 2nd, 1978
(L)(E)
(2/1383)
Tuesday – Today was an incredibly bitchin’ day. I made love to Jane once in the afternoon and once in the evening. It was fun and exquisite! Again I am in love only 20 times more than before.
Gary Cappa is going to be our drummer. It was the most incredible thing. We phoned him (Hock and I) and he said he will work hard at it and promised to be a competent drummer by Oct 1st when he will be here. He’s going to buy drumsticks this weekend and he promised he’ll practice at least one hour a day on weekends and 4-5 hours on weekends! He said that we were an answer from God, that tonight, of all nights right before we called, he got down on his knee and prayed to God and said: “Something is missing in my life, God. Show me what it is.” And then we called. How bitchin’. One of the original 4 BFing B’s. (After Marcia makes us famous, Clymer will take over as manager.) I told Cappa I would send him a letter either tomorrow or the next day.
Today was bitchin’, in love. I see the completion of the next Beatles. Gary Cappa and God, tell me why I love respect and admire Jane so much. I can’t even conceive it is so great and so is she!!

May 3rd, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
(1/1384)
Wednesday – The beginning of today was perfect. I lay in bed until one o’clock and it was crashing rain and thunder outside. My bed was so nice and warm and secure. Once I got up the streets were absolutely flooded. I received $200 from Fred for the rent and Brad and I walked in the water to the bank, post office and shopping. We had $230 cash and some groceries when we were done. We went in bare feet and cutoffs, because the water was so high.
Jane went to Gail’s in the afternoon and I got pissed because she didn’t come over to my place, but I guess she really very well couldn’t get home from my place had she come. In the evening we played a few songs for Marcia. I arranged to rendezvous with Jane at 2:30 am. Marcia and I stayed up and we were high. We went down to her station wagon and made love and I popped some Amyl Nitrate for her nose and I caught a wiff and started fucking like crazy. We did it again but I don’t think I came (1 var).
At 2:10 am I left for Jane’s. I got some wine as planned. Everything went smoothly tonight. We talked about things and I talked a lot. She just agreed – she is so sweet. When I thought I was ready we made love – and made it great. It was so fine. Her Dad was up when I left – I had to sneak by.

March 4th, 1978
(L)
Thursday – Woke up and went to the City Park which was beautiful. Jane went to Biloxi with her girlfriend After City Park I went to McDonalds with Brad and got a battery for our microphone. I came back and lay in the sun. I made a date with Marcia to go to the Quarter to look for someone to help us. I saw a lot of entertainment down there, but I was in a quiet mood because Jane (she didn’t have to go to school today due to the floods yesterday although today was sunny) didn’t see me today and we argued over the phone and we weren’t together tonight.
Just to try it, Marcia and I drove to City Park after we went to the quarter and made love and sniffed Amyl Nitrate all the way. It was OK but I’ll never do it again cause it is bad for you. So, when I got home at around 3am much to my surprise my dearest little Jane was asleep in my bed with my pajamas on. I got in with her and she awoke. She told me to take off her pajamas and so I did and we made love. She told me how famous we were going to be and how much she loved me and I poured out my heart to her too and I cried. If ever there was Utopia on earth last night in my bedroom was it. I brought her home at 5:30 am. Everything is perfect.

March 5th, 1978
(L)
(1384)
Friday – Today was so beautiful. I lie out in the sun at the apartment for hours and read The Temple of Gold almost to completion. Toniça came up and talked to me. My, is she cute! I arranged to pick up Jane at 7:15 pm and looked forward to it. I got a good color today in the sun. I dropped this guy, Gordon off at work and then went to get Jane. She informed me on my arrival that she was spending the night with me to my happy surprise. She and I went to the store, got some beer, potato chips and the ingredients to make some dip. We got to the apartment and retired to my room. It was so nice. She went down kissed my ding-dong (Ha! Ha!). Fred called to say he’d be home in awhile. I went down on Jane for a good long time. It was nice. I dragged my bed into our closet and Fred got home.
Before Jane and I went to sleep we made love and it made us feel good. In the middle of the night I made love to her, half in our sleep. When we awoke, to our happiness, her period started, so she isn’t pregnant. We started kissing and it got so exciting that we made love a third time. Sometimes when I first put myself in her it feels so good. Ah, love is so much fun. I ran to the store and got her some Tampax and 2 beers and we got ready to take her home. It was running late.
May 6th, 1978
(L)(A)
Saturday – Tonight was the happiest night of my life and the best time I’ve ever had. I wanted everything to go right, for Jane to be happy and it was a success. After we awoke this morning I brought her home. We ran out of gas and Fred picked us up. I got ready, got her a wrist corsage and Fred and I left at a little after 6 pm. At Jane’s, her Mom took a few pictures and the formalities. We were drinking Heineken and we went to Gail’s house for a delicious dinner party of steak, wine, salad, potatoes au gratin, and rice pudding. Then small chocolate pies, then coffee. It was so nice. Then we went to the prom.
We walked around the Hyatt Regency in downtown New Orleans and then socialized. Jane and I went down to Fred’s car and drank wine and talked about the story of our love – it was the most romantic thing that ever happened to me. Then we went to the ball and Jane and I danced 2 fast dances and 1 slow dance (during which we kissed one long kiss the whole dance). I was so proud. We drove to a party at a downtown hotel after the prom. Jane and I sat on the balcony and I cried for a long time because I was so happy that I have finally found a true love. Jane got home at ¼ to 6 then we left again for the apartment, fell asleep there: and I brought her home a bit after 8 am, in love.

May 7th, 1978
(L)
Sunday – So the day’s drift by – I swear it’s like a dream. Oh Diary, happiness is mine. My love with Jane is so beautiful. I woke up and called her at the Country Club where she works and she invited me over, so I showered and left. I sat with her there, in love, until 3:30 pm, when we drove to her house. She told her parents we were going to go shopping. So we left and went to the apartment. Nobody was there so we got into bed and made the sweetest most beautiful love imaginable. She said, “That was great.” I said, “That was great.” She said, “That was beautiful.” I said, “That was beautiful.”
I brought her home and helped her sister Mary with her mathematics until 6 pm. I went home and slept. Then I cleaned my room. I called Jane. We stayed on the phone for awhile, so in love. I’ve made up my mind to always consider what she says and thinks and feels and to be as pleasant to be around as I can. I ate some rice. Awhile after Fred came back from Robin’s. We had a meeting. I said I’m getting a job. Milton came over and Tom Milton and I went to the French Quarter, got some beer and a Hurricane at Pat O’Brian’s and smoked some marijuana during a nice walk through the area – and talked about philosophy on the bank of the Mississippi.

May 8th, 1978
(L)(F)
(.5/1384.5)
Monday – Day 42 and how things are all falling into place! My life is so beautiful, wonderful, exquisite marvelous, stupendous, and it makes me happy. I sleep as late as I want and I am constantly making love to the sweetest, cutest girl in the whole wide world. I feel great because I feel like being nice to everybody and my secret is to be as nice as I can to everyone, and polite, and to not say anything if it is negative, and to avoid unpleasant situations and always talk if something nice is on my mind!
I laid in bed late today writing letters to Cappa and Clymer and little odds and ends to be attended to. Jane came by and woke me up at 12:25 pm. That’s a great way to start a day. She came by at 10 to 5 and we made love. It was beautiful. She left at 10 to 6.
I beat Tom in a game of chess and then called Jane. She was going to go to a movie tonight but instead she arrived here at a bit after 8 pm. We drank some beer and we turned off the lights. We undressed and then we made love. It was the most pleasant thing I have ever felt in my life. I think I felt like she was the most beautiful woman on earth and I loved her perfectly. When it was over I was happy. Milton phoned in the middle and said I had a job at the hotel.

May 9th, 1978
(L)
Tuesday – What can I be but honest? How can I smile but bright? When every second of this day has been sheer, utter delight!
Jane came by after her Awards Assembly today just after I woke up, but I was still in bed. She and her friends went out to lunch and Fred and I went to meet them at Hullihan’s in the French Quarter. Then we went to Pat O’Brien’s and I had a Hurricane. I was pretty drunk because I hadn’t had any breakfast. We got back at the apartment about nearly 5 and Jane and I made love and it was good. Milton called in the middle and said dinner was on.
After I brought Jane home, Tom, Brad and I went to Milton’s place for salad and juicy, thick steaks. After that delicious dinner went back to the apartment. I called Jane and she said she missed me. She is so sweet. She is gentle as a dove. A pure virgin white dove. Told Marcia my brainstorm about having a theme and perhaps we could dress up as 18th century. After Milton and I played Bluezette a number of times, he left and Tom and I played 2 games of chess and I won both. Tom and I had a discussion about how Fred’s been acting weird. At around 4 am Fred came in saying Mrs. Holt caught Robin and him in her room and slapped him. Then Brad came in. Discussing my ideas. Brad added that we could dress as Gods! Good idea! Got to sleep after 7 am.

May 10th, 1978
(L)
Wednesday – Another bitchin’ day! I had gotten barely 2 hours of sleep when at 9:40 am Jane knocked on my window. I let her in the front door and got in bed. She took off her clothes and got in with me. We made love. It was exciting. It was cuddly. It was warm. It was sweet. It was the nicest morning I’ve ever had in my life. We fell asleep and when she woke up we would’ve made love again, but she had to go to work. She said she’d make it up to me tonight. When she left I wrote in her yearbook from school and I cried more then half way through my writing because I felt it so much - I was writing to her why I loved her, because she was thoughtful, because she was kind, etc. It was so, beautiful. I read it a number of times.
I spent the afternoon reading “Letters From The Earth” by Mark Twain. I talked to Toniça a while by the pool. Brad invited us to go sailing on his Dad’s 24 ft. sailboat, so we picked up Jane and went sailing with Mr. Guth and a girl on Lake Pontchatrain. It was so peaceful and calm. There was just enough wind to sail us along. On the way back Jane and I sat on the bow and kissed and talked. It was romantic and peaceful.
We got back to the apartment before 11 pm. Then Gail, Robin, Fred then Tom and Frieda, Jane and I ate and when I came into my bedroom Jane was reading what I had written. Her eyes were puffy from tears of joy. She looked up at me and said, “Will you do me a favor?” I said “What?” Jane: “Will you make love to me tonight?” Jeff: “Will you do me a favor?” She nods. Jeff: “Will you make it as soon as possible?” So soon we were making love again. At 12:45 pm we woke and Fred drove her home. I slept.

May 11th, 1978
(L)
Thursday – Another beautiful day today. In the morning I received a letter from Jeff Clymer, which was godlike and godly, and a sweet letter from my grandmother. I had some coffee and chatted with my friends. Jane called and said she would be by at about 4:30 pm. I lay out in the sun and read “Letters From The Earth” by Mark Twain. When Jane came by we kissed and went into Tom’s room. We made love there and then we talked about sex and love. She explained that when she gets on top of me she gets this “sensation” that is like what I get when I climax and that it satisfies her; last, she doesn’t need to get it.
When she and Robin left Tom, Fred and I left with Marcia to talk to Bob Godora. We spent 1 ½ hours there but never spoke a word of business with them. When we arrived back at the apartment Milton called and said he’d pick me up at 10 am tomorrow and that the job was almost for sure mine. He’s such a nice guy I’m glad he’s my friend. Fred and I went out with Gail, Claudia, Robin and Jane. I faked being sick so Jane and I went back to the apartment and I got in bed. She came out of the bathroom naked and got in bed with me. We made love. She went home.

May 12th, 1978
(S)(L)(F)
Friday – Dear Diary, today was another bitchin’ day. I worked today at the Maison Duprey and no matter how much I tried to convince myself that having a job was right and good by the night time I had to admit that I hated working and I loved the group, that by trying to be like everyone else I had lost all that is dear to me. There is only one thing I have achieved in the last few days, and that is pleasantness. I have proved to myself and others that I can live without argumentation, in harmony and peace. But I want more out of life. So, realizing this, I started acting like my loveable old straightforward self. No matter how much I try, I don’t like Robin, Fred’s girlfriend. She is shallow and a phony. It was funny because Tom was very grateful that I’m back to normal and Brad said he understood at least why I am like I am and he was happy too that I was back to normal.
Jane and I had Popeye’s chicken together at her house. She asked if she could make love to me tonight so we went to the apartment and she went down on me and I went down on her. Then we made love for a long time. It was great and a lot of fun. With her legs together, her on top and mine wrapped around her we formed a new variation. It felt neat. I love her.

May 13th, 1978
(F)(L)
Saturday – Last night when I came in I told Tom in so many words that I’m ready to jump back into work with the band. Today I slept until about 2 pm and I had to be at work at 3 pm. I worked until 11:40 pm tonight and in those 8½ hours I made $26.75 in tips alone. I also got a free Ham and cheese sandwich from the kitchen. There is a real sexy cocktail waitress working in the lounge that I may have mentioned a few weeks back when Milt, Tom, Brad and me had some drinks there. I would like to meet her.
At 11:20 pm, Nelson and Jane came by and got me. Jane asked me if she could make love to me and of course, I consented. Nelson and I got in a fight.
Jane and I went to bed and she went down on me and put my ding-dong in her mouth. It was great! Then we made love and it was great. It always is. I love making love to her. It was really fine tonight. We slept and she had to go to work at 6:30 am Sunday morning. She slept over and at 6:20 am I couldn’t resist so I put myself in her and made love quickly and felt better for it. The poor darling was so tired I felt sorry for her cause she has to work.

May 14th, 1978
(E)(L)(F)
Sunday – Today was a bob day. It was incredibly sunny and I spent a good deal of my time out in the sun. I talked with Toniça today and I promised her I would write her a song tonight, which I did begin to do tonight. Jane worked during the day. At about 9:40 pm I picked her up in Nelson’s Capri and brought her back to the apartment with her Mom’s permission, which was a real surprise. Her mother knows she comes over here. Jane was real tired. We took off our clothes and I played Farm Boy to her and then I went down on her and licked rapidly on her clit. Then we made love and it was fine as usual. We took a little break and then made love some more and motioned very quickly and I came inside her; from now on I will pull out to insure she doesn’t get pregnant. I let her sleep til I brought her home.
Today we went over finances and our general plan. I owe Nelson $242, Brad $107, Tom $22 and Gram $200. Our general plan is to all get jobs and make money and try to get a drummer and start getting gigs around here. Tom and I played 2 games of chess this evening. We stalemated in one and I won the 2nd by a landslide.

May 15th, 1978
(S)(L)(E)
Monday – I’ve realized tonight that either you are going to achieve something or just drift along and let obstacles seem impossible and I’ve decided to achieve something – so here I go the rest of my life is devoted towards making the H.R.’s big.
Today was interesting. I got a call from my boss at work and he said I was working today and tomorrow. I talked to Jane and she said she’d come over before I had to go to work. She came over and we made sweet love on my bed. Then Fred drove to work. When I called home in the afternoon Brad informed me that the manager put an eviction notice on the door. Then later I called and Fred said his car had broken down. I worked until 9:30 pm (starting at 2:06 pm). Then Renee and Jane, Robin and Fred came by and picked me up. Jane had gotten us a bottle of wine, which we drank upon arrival at the apartment. She was in a very loving mood. She went down on me (1 var). Then we made love. Sex is pure bliss with her and I really think she is enjoying it now – so she tells me. Jane left with Robin and I called Cappa. I talked with him for 2 hours and then called a meeting with the guys. This is crazy but I have got the H.R. bug again and hard!

May 16th, 1978
(L)
Tuesday – Today was full of strife and the most incredible thing happened. Jane came over before I went to work and we kissed and it looked like another day of bliss. I got pissed at Brad shortly after our day was started, so he got pissed and packed his things and left. Now this was perhaps a good thing. When I talked to Jane the first time from work she was a happy little darling. I talked to her a bit after 6 and it was an incredible change. She was cold as ice, said if I wanted to talk to her I’d have to call at 9 o’clock because she was going to sorority and had things to do afterwards. When I got home I got drunk with our manager, Herb, and convinced him that if we were good he would not evict us and I explained that Brad, who I labeled the trouble maker, which he is, had left. We are now on “probation” as tenants til the end of the month.
I walked down to POETS where Robin said Jane was. There she was with her hand on some guys arm. She tried to put her arm around me and I threw it off. To make a long story short she took me back to the apartment. Shortly she had to leave and I tried to stop her by holding her keys. She yelled, “I hate you. Get out of my life. I never loved you.” Finally she almost hit me when I put my arm around her so I left. I was almost shaking. She claims a few little girls at the apartment said I was messing around with Marcia. I talked to Tom and Fred.

May 17th, 1978
(L)(E)
(.5/1385)
Wednesday – I am sitting here writing this at 10 am. Everyone is still asleep. I’ve got to call Brad today and tell him that the manager said if he sees Brad around here he’s calling the police. I am about to phone Jane but I am really frightened by her temper of last night. I couldn’t get a hold of Jane the entire day. At about 11 pm I called her father apologetically and had him leave her a message to call me. She called me and said she loved me and we talked things out a little bit. It was a real trial spending the day in this romantic limbo, which she has perpetrated on both of us. I hope everything works out for the better. I talked to Toniça and wrote her a song tonight.
On the H.R. front much good news. For one thing Frieda gave us the phone number of a drummer named Charley whom I called and whom has a PA system with VOT’s and which we can use. He said and he is available to play. We phoned Cappa and talked to him for 40 minutes and then he called us back for another hour. It was a toss and turn conversation part of which we were arguing; part agreeing, part laughing. At any rate, it was great talking to him - although he disgusted me. We practice a little. I decided tonight that I will not have anything to do with Marcia. She is not a good representative of nice young men like us.

May 18th, 1978
(E)(L)
(.5/1385.5)
Thursday – Jane was supposed to take me to the dentist with her this morning. She called and I was asleep so I woke and she suggested she let me sleep and come by after her appointment. I woke at one o’clock and she wasn’t there. I called her and she said she came by but let me sleep and left. I got pissed off and we said goodbye after a few seconds of arguing. Then I called her back and called her and talked to her yet a 3rd time. She said she’d call me at 4:30 pm. Frieda came by and gave me a great haircut. I really like it. At 4:30 pm I called Jane, then she called back. She wasn’t done and I arranged a date with her tonight at 8:15 pm. The guys and I practiced a little in the early afternoon.
After I talked to Jane we went to go shopping. At 8:15 pm Jane was picked up. I hardly said a word until we were back at the apartment. I just started kissing her once we were alone and then we talked pleasantly for a while together. She asked me if I had messed around with Marcia and I said, “Never.” She asked me to act like the whole thing never happened so we went to the bedroom, drank wine (after we went to the store.) Judy called when we were in there and said she had written me 6 to 8 letters. I’ve never got them. So Judy still likes me. Jane and I started making out heavily. Then we made love. A while after we made love again. She said she didn’t want me to think she was a whore. I started doing it to her again as she laid on top of me (1 var), but we had to go.

May 19th, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
Friday – Now I even forget how exactly it happened but Jane and I got in an argument today on the phone and I told her just to forget our relationship and that my friends thought she was very sick and she hung up on me. I acted all day like it didn’t bother me. We went down to get my check and we cashed it and we (Tom, Fred and I) went to Brad’s and I paid him back what I owe him personally. We went back home and I grabbed a bite to eat and then Fred drove me to work. I worked from 8 pm until 11 am and made about $8 in tips. Fred, Gail and Claudia picked me up from work and threw myself on Gail’s lap and stayed there for along time – my head on her lap. She asked me to come along to see Zebra so I went to see Zebra with them at the Warehouse West. But Gail and I went to get some beer and we sat on a horizontal pipe outside Time Square and we drank and kissed. We hugged over and over again and we kissed over and over again. We went into see Zebra and I must admit they are pretty good. We all went home and I stayed up all night. I talked to Clymer.

May 20th, 1978 -/
(L)(A)(F)
(1/1386.5)
Saturday – So in the early morning I said my goals then took a swim and then I showered and got ready to go to work. I said my goals again for the start of a new day and woke Fred up. He took me to work and dropped me off. I slept in cars and worked until about 3 pm when Fred and Robin picked me up. I made about $13 in tips today. Fred dropped me off at the apartment. At work I hit some guy’s car against a post and I was honest about it. He even gave me $1 tip. It was then I decide to tell Jane about Marcia – the truth.
I called her up at the club and arranged to meet her at 7:30 pm. I had a talk with an ex-friend [of] Marcia, Diane, and she gave me some advice – most of which I did not take. I went to Jane and it was then I decided not to tell her at all about Marcia, but merely said, “Jane tell me if I treat you right, etc., that everything will be “OK,” and I took the blame for the whole ordeal onto my shoulders – she said it is all her doing, but she didn’t sound very sorry for it. She asked me out for Monday night and said she’d make a point of seeing me tomorrow. We hugged a little and I left. I spent the night with Frieda and Tom, talking and getting stoned. I was miserable.

May 21st, 1978
(E)(L)(A)
(1/1387.5)
Sunday – I got to work at a little after 8 am, having missed the wake up call because I had knocked the phone off the hook during the night. I talked to Jane at work and she said not to call her at the club anymore because she got in trouble and she said she’d come by the apartment at 4 pm. She called me at the apartment at 4:30 pm and said she couldn’t come. I called Gail and to my surprise (this was after Tom, Fred and I had practiced a little) Gail told me, kind of slipping, but being honest that Jane had read my diary and she did know that I screwed Marcia and at last the mystery was unfolded. I called Jane and asked her if she could come over. She said she’d come over for 5 minutes at 7:15 pm. She never showed and she never called. But she had agreed to a lot of positive statements I had made about “us” on the phone. I was miserable all night.
I called Robin and she knew also. She was there when Jane read the diary. She claims that Jane’s heart was shattered when she read it. I was crying and protesting over the phone. Finally, shortly after I went out to go to McDonald’s and I knocked on Toniça’s door. Her mother was there but Toniça really wanted to come with me. She made me eat all of what I bought. She’s only 15 but very cute. On the way back I talked to her in a dark alley. I kissed her all of a sudden. It was so nice. I asked her why she let me kiss her. She said, “because I like you.” So we kissed for a while. She’s got a sensational body. She wants to pal around with me.

May 22nd, 1978
(F)(L)
Monday – Today I woke up feeling much better, and great in general. At work at 7 am, I had a breakfast of French toast, bacon, sausage, biscuits, coffee, milk and orange juice. I made over $15 in tips for a minimal amount of work and had a lunch of meatloaf, peas and rice. At 2:31 pm Nelson and Robin picked me up and when I got home I called and Jane answered her phone happily and we set our date at 7:30 pm. I went out, to wine, got flowers and picked her up at 7:30 pm. We parked and drank our wine and I told her about Marcia and she was very happy about my honesty, but acted disgusted as I progressed in story I told her I knew about the diary and she denied it 20 or 30 times but acknowledged it when I said, “Gail told me. Robin admitted knowing.” I cried and asked her forgiveness.
I brought her back to the apartment and I seduced her. We made love and it felt awfully good, but I’m sure she was afraid and disillusioned. It did feel great though. I brought her home when it was time and tried to bring things back to normal; toward the end of the ride she acted happy and said she’d come by with Fred tomorrow and pick me up. I ran to the car with joy.
She told me about how she kissed 3 guys since Tuesday and has a crush on Lionel.
I told her about Toniça.

May 23rd, 1978
(F)(L)
Tuesday – Left with an extreme difference in my life here. I worked and made a little over $13 in tips. Jane came by with Fred and Robin at 2 pm. I rousted her the whole way back because she wasn’t being loving. At the apartment I picked her up bodily and carried her to my room. We kissed and talked. I told her if she wanted me to be loyal I would be, if she didn’t go out with other guys. I made an ultimatum, which I will never be sorry for. She used to say she wasn’t interested in other guys. I said if she wanted me to be loyal and her and I would do something simpler tonight but if she didn’t that I would go to Toniça tonight. Her eyes showed her decision. I walked her back to school and we said goodbye. She said “thanks for the memories.” She wanted to be free. I waved and said goodbye.
Back at the apartment. I told those guys I either wanted to leave, have Judy come live with me, and devote all my life to the group. We talked into the night. Nelson wavered. He doesn’t seem sure. So I gave him a choice. We all said we’d spend tomorrow together. I went to Toniça’s downstairs and we kissed and kissed and we talked and gazed into one another’s eyes and I laid on top of her. I was with her til 1 am, when I left. It was so nice, so peaceful and pleasant. Her Mom works at night.

May 24th, 1978
(L)(E)
(2/1389.5)
Wednesday – My relationship with Toniça will be one where we just have the relationship and do it rather than talk about it all the time. It seems so interesting that since I have gotten a job that we have lost Brad, then I lost Jane and now we lose Fred. If I had never gotten the job, Jane would not have read my diary and if I’d never broken up with her. I never would have made my ultimatum speech to Nelson. But believe it or not diary I haven’t felt as good as I feel in a long time.
I woke up this morning and Nelson was nowhere to be seen. I called Gail and she said Robin and Fred had just called. I decided basically, at that Moment that Fred was no longer in our group. Hock and me together again. We spend the entire day together and never heard a word from Fred all day or night. We went to speak to Bill Perrin but he has ceased what used to be Warehouse West, but he might be able to arrange a job for Tom. I called Jane in the afternoon and we had a great conversation. Tom and I got 3 six packs of beer and got high. I called Jane and she said she would come over around 9:30 pm. Hock and I were really drunk and Gail, Jane and 2 friends came over. I took Jane to the back room and I think I kissed her.
When she left I grabbed Gail and reprimanded her for telling Jane that we kissed but she said she hadn’t done that. Then I think we kissed. I brought Jane’s prom pictures down to the car and threw them on her lap. She said she didn’t want them. I said I didn’t want them either and left. Frieda was over so I went down and got Toniça to come up. Her boyfriend was over and was pissed off, but we finally got him to leave after a series of maneuvers, so to participate in my bet with Brad I brought Toniça up to the apartment and leaned over and kissed her in front of Tom (witness). She and I kissed in my room and then I went downstairs with her and fell asleep with her and fell asleep with her on the couch til 2:20 am.

May 25th, 1978
(L)(E)
(2.5/1392)
Thursday – Brad said on the phone today that we was amazed at “you’re magic with woman.” “You break up with a fox one day and a few days later you’re with another one.” Well, by the end of today Fred had still not shown up. Rather than be upset or anything like that I think it is hilarious because Fred is missing out on one of the most exciting periods of our lives. Tom and I are working together and getting along terrifically. Today, we tried to get the van started but it still needs a battery. We practice a lot today.
In the morning Frieda called and she has arranged for a place for us to practice from 11am-7pm, which is not ideal because our drummer works most of that time. In the evening Hock and I practiced and I think it might be a good idea to use my classical guitar to perform with. I went by Toniça’s at about 8 pm and after awhile we went up to my apartment. When the phone rang we went to my bedroom and after I was done talking to Frieda, we stayed there. It’s so nice. We talked (mostly her talking) and then I’ll start kissing her. I felt her boobs directly and indirectly all night and her butt and even put my fingers on her outside of her box delicately sliding them around so as almost to be imperceptible. She said to call her tomorrow night at 7:30 pm before she goes to her pre-Posture Contest in the Quarter.

May 26th, 1978
(F)(L)
Friday – Tom and I bombed around today and we talked about Nelson. Finally Fred came by at about 7 pm. You could tell that he had already decided to leave and there was no stopping him, so I basically was very nice to him and I encouraged him. He said simply that he wasn’t happy anymore, that he plans to work in South Carolina for an in-law and after 6 weeks he’s going to Europe. We said we’d meet him in London at Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park on Sept. 1st at 12 noon, that Tom will wear Nelson’s blue pants, Fred will have 3 Guinness’s ready and wear my No. 18 football jersey and that I will wear (I think) the Green Buffalo shirt he gave me. He let us slide on all debts, gave me the van, gave us tools, dishes, coffee maker, etc and said he was leaving Monday from a hotel. Then, was gone. Toniça slept on my bed til 4:30 am. Her mother was still working. While she was pretty much asleep, I looked at her breasts and it was beautiful. I put my finger in her box and boy did it feel small and tight.

May 27th, 1978
(E)(L)
Saturday – In the morning, in Fred’s absence, Tom and I cleaned up the apartment and I organized all my things and gifts Fred had left behind. Tom and I went down to pick up my paycheck and then went to a music store where I bartered some strings in a swap for some others. Tom and I went shopping and returned to the apartment. We took a swim and Toniça was by the pool. I told her I could not see her tonight until 1 am and she agreed to see me. I ate a steak and potatoes and sour cream and then I went to work. I worked from 7 pm until 1 am.
After work I went to Toniça and she came upstairs for a while. We ended up on my bed until after 3 am when she left to go home. I can feel her tits most anytime and she doesn’t seem to mind. Her mother gets the next few days off from work so I won’t be able to see her as much. She looked very pretty tonight with tight jeans and a cute blouse and her hair done real nicely and make-up. She is really pretty.

May 28th, 1978
(L)(F)
(1/1393)
Sunday – When I awoke this morning I had steak and eggs for breakfast and then Toniça came over. We are in “like”. We just both like each other and have a good time with each other. We kiss and talk. I would love to make love to her when the time is right. I had a good time at work from 12 noon til 8:30 pm, picked up $24 in tips. When I got home Hock was selling our PA system for $350 as some people responded to our ad. Toniça came by to see me awhile after I got home. She stayed at the apartment until about 11:30 pm.
Financially, I am doing fantastically now. I’ve got about $300 in cash and $349 in bills, debts and payouts. Whereas 2 weeks ago I was $550 in debt now I am $50 in debt. A vast improvement! Soon I will be in the pink [black]! Tomorrow I am supposed to go horseback riding and tomorrow night I am supposed to see Jane, which is good, because, quite frankly, although I am having a terrific time without her and I am not heart broken at all. I do miss her and would love nothing more than to at least make love to her.

May 29th, 1978
(A)(L)
Monday – We had to wake up early to meet Frieda and her friends at 7:30 am to go horseback riding. The van was leaking on our way over to Clearview Shopping Center and after horseback riding today I concluded that it is a blown head gasket and it will be a big job to fix.
We all drove to Picayune, Mississippi and Frieda paid for my horse at the Ranch. I couldn’t get my horse to gallop and then all of a sudden she took off and my saddle started sliding off and I fell off the horse. I put the saddle back on and rode again! I had a pretty good time galloping the horse most of the way back. (Those horses do what they want to do when they want to do it.) All day long I thought about my date with Jane tonight but when we got back and I called her she rudely said she forgot about it and that she was going out with Gail and then Bobby and she said goodbye. I called her mother and had a wonderful enlightening talk with her and told her the whole story of the diary and Fred leaving. Her mother was very sweet to me. I always like to get along with the Moms, I decided.
I decided after I talked to her Mom that I would never call that house again and that I truly don’t want Jane anymore. I still love her in my heart but I kind of hate her for what she’s been acting like and I wash my hands of the situation. I loved her when she was the object of my love and now she is not the same Jane I knew. She’s changed and become callous towards me – I can’t say I blame her for she never could have had me and she must have been afraid she’d get burnt by me, so I guess she figured she’d better do the job first. I loved our relationship and all that it stood for.
After I called Mrs. T. I went down to see Toniça. Her mother let her come up to my apartment to study, but she didn’t get much studying done. She didn’t seem into it, so we kissed and lay down on my bed. I really like Toniça a lot. I believe that one should throw their feelings out and show how much you like someone, if you want to be a happy lover and keep from getting hurt. I’m not gonna talk about other girls in front of Toniça just because I feel I know it is impolite. After Toniça left I went to bed and to sleep. Toniça called me shortly before I went to sleep to let me know her sister would give me a ride to work tomorrow, so I should come down there about 6:30 am tomorrow.

May 30th, 1978
(L)
(1.5/1394.5)
Tuesday – Today was very interesting, and it is surprising how despite all the apparent set backs (losing Jane and Fred [to car accident]) that my plan in regards to our stay in Metairie, began 64 days ago, is fulfilling itself. I woke up very early this morning and was knocking on Toniça’s door at 6:30 am. Franja was not ready to go so in a little while Toniça came into the living room and invited me into her mothers bedroom, where she was, her mother being in hers. Toniça talked on the phone and when her conversation with Monique had ended, we kissed. Franja went to pick up her boyfriend and Toniça and I fell asleep. I heard her mother coming in and I jumped off the bed. Her Mom said, “Get out of here and get out of here now!” So I left.
Franja came and drove me to work. I worked from 7:53 am until 7:20 pm and had 2 meals there. As arranged by phone during the day Walter Gonzales picked me up from work and we went to the apartment. Tom, Walt and me had a steak split 3 ways and went to Walters where we had our first practice. I got drunk on wine and we had a pretty good time and had a talk about our plans. We are practicing with Walter tomorrow. Tom got a job tonight and starts in the morning at 4 am. When we got back to the apartment I had a nice chat with Toniça and her Mom and things are cool.
You know it is funny how I can actually convince myself in a short period of time something other than I know the truth to be. I wrote in my diary today that Toniça and I had fallen asleep on the bed, which is what we told everyone, when, upon reflection, I remember now that I was actually working my hand to her crotch to see if I could make a little progress.

May 31st, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
(3/1397.5)
Wednesday – Today was my definition of a perfect day. The reason? – Well, many more problems were solved today than occurred and it was a very satisfying experience. I cleaned up the apartment upon awakening. At noon I began working on the van and happily discovered that it was only a freeze plug instead of the head gasket. By a quarter to 3 the van was fixed and it cost me only 15 cents. I called up the bank and they said the check was good so I drove out there and picked up another $120 for Tom and I.
When I drove up to the apartment Walter had just arrived. It was 4 pm. Tom got home about 5 pm. We practiced until 10 pm and I am excited about our progress and the musical determination of Walt and Tom. After practice we determined to practice tomorrow at 5 pm at Walt’s. I went down to Toniça’s shortly after 10 and stayed until 1 am. Toniça and I kissed and kissed and she got me so hot I think I would risk my neck just to be able to make love to her. I talked to friend Marcia til late. She’s alright. Despite all, I feel Jane still needs me.

June 1st, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
(3/1400.5)
Thursday – Today was another bitchin’ day. That is the major call-word in my life now. When it was with Jane it was called bliss. Now it is bitchin’. I am once more pursuing my ultimate dream instead of wallowing in an immediate one. Tom and I went to the bank today. I deposited $100 and got a money order for $17.28 to send to Florida this bringing my total balance there to $1400. So as of today I have $1500 in savings. It’s growing!
Toniça and Monique came by in the morning for a visit. Tom and I went to Wendy’s and then we went to practice at Walter’s. We did It’s All For Free, It Doesn’t Matter, Can’t Buy Me Love and It’s A Plain Shame. There was a drummer there but he didn’t amount to much. Walt’s getting an air-conditioning unit put in the room so we won’t sweat to death anymore out there. His Dad bought us a 6-pack of beer. OK. After practice I was with Toniça at the apartment. We went upstairs to my place and I felt her tits and a little of her crotch. She was awfully tired. I’m sort of losing interest in her – since it seems she’s not into sex. But I still like her. I’ve got $163 in cash.

June 2nd, 1978
(L)(F)
Friday – This morning I woke up again, as all mornings of late, with the gentle thoughts of Jane flowing through my mind. Not quite disturbing, not quite pleasant, though sometimes they are both. It then came to me, the only solution to this whirlwind of intricate thoughts and actions on both our parts: to win her back again, completely and on my terms. To also make her friends my friends and draw the whole lot into our counter culture, this is my plan, and then I will do.
Toniça and Monique came by most of the morning and left when I left to go to work. We cancelled practice and re-scheduled it for 10:15 pm, but then Walter asked if he could miss it so I said “Yes.” I only got $3 in tips today! After work Tom and I argued while Milton watched. I ate a huge piece of London Broil at work today. I met Toniça at Jefferson Starship. After we got back to her apartment I asked if she wanted me to hold in my feelings and she said, “No.” She says she likes me “a lot.” Thinking about Jane today.

June 3rd, 1978
(L)
Saturday – Today yielded interesting results. I went to work at 8:25 am and slept, ate and read most of the time, in the back room, and worked very little until just before 3 pm. I came home and phoned Jane’s house and she wasn’t there so Tom and I had a long discussion as to what we we’re doing. Jane got home and I missed her, so I talked to her friend Gail on the phone. Gail said Jane does not want to see me or talk to me at all and is happily in a new relationship. I went by Toniça’s at 8 pm and she eventually came to my apartment. When she made a comment about me drinking beer I made a decision – for Tom and I to leave immediately and head to California and then to the Orient. He agreed when I told him and Toniça started crying. I took her to my room. She was crying and pleading with me not to go. I asked her to remove her shirt so that I might have a look at her before I go. She readily agreed and in the moonlit dark I looked, touched and kissed her beautiful breasts and repeatedly drove my finger deep in her vagina. She pleaded with me not to go. Clymer phoned late at night and recommended us to stay.

June 4th, 1978
(E)(F)
(1/1401.5)
Sunday – Again, today was, totally bitchin’. Just let me list the developments:
1) Not sure if we should go or stay Tom and I called Jeff and Jeff gave us the go ahead to go to LA and he would help us during the summer, after which we will go to Panama then Europe via Orient
2) Tom and I drove to Brad’s and paid him back everything we owed him
3) Milton, Brad, Kevin Welsh, Sy, Toniça and Monique all came by at different times during the day
4) Talked to Judy tonight and she says she loves me and will see me when I come to Texas
5) Called Cappa and he said that he had quit drums, but would travel with us after summer
6) Called Dad and told him about our plans
7) Talked to the manager and squared everything away so that we can leave here on Friday with no rent
8) Brad gave us some carpet for the van
9) Toniça and Monique practically begged me to stay here and it made me feel good and wanted
10) Tom can arrange – so we found out- to receive pay this Friday instead of having to wait til next. I am stoked and excited and know we’ll succeed.

June 5th, 1978
(S)(F)(L)
Monday – Today was an absolutely fascinating day. And I do mean fascinating. Something awoke inside of me that was great. Truly great. A happiness and a lust for life that was strange to me. Perhaps it is because I have been doing Super Suggestions and Silent Treatments the last 2 days – but the result was happiness. I went to work today at 7:40 am, had a great breakfast of toast, hash browns, OJ and bacon, got $4 in tips and Lee let me go home early. I cashed last week’s paycheck and went home where Hock and I fixed up the van.
I went over and saw Toniça and arranged to see her tonight. She’s still trying to get me to stay. I spent $47.07 on groceries on myself! It was a shopping inspiration. I went though the entire Swegman’s supermarket and got everything I wanted. Wine, shrimp, conditioner, steak, turkey sandwich meat, socks, coffee, popsicles, everything! I didn’t even care about the money!! I decided, since I’m not working anymore til we leave that I’m starting my summer vacation right now. I even got crayons. I called Gail and told her we were leaving and had a nice goodbye. Toniça came over. We swam. We went into the bedroom. I fingered her and through our clothes pricked her vagina with my dick and told her I love her.

June 6th, 1978
(L)(F)
(2/1403.5)
Tuesday – I called Jane today. When I said, “I’m happy the whole thing happened,” she hesitated and said, “So am I.” To me it sounded like she was happy it turned out well but was sorry it ever got started – the break-up of me and her I’m referring to.
Today was great, fantastic. I took care of arrangements for Tom’s and my departure – electric bill, phones and bill. I went to the bank and got $250 worth of traveler’s checks. I saw Toniça in the afternoon and evening and now we are in love. I will miss her because I love her. I phoned Jane as I noted above and Jane talked with me for a while. I was very nice to her and our parting was fittingly civil. I read some of my new book The Dream Merchants and it is good. I ate and drank many wonderful things from my stock of food purchased yesterday.
Everything is pretty much set to go to LA and I am determined to make it big there with Tom and I think it’s gonna work this time. Milton came over late and we partied til 5 am, drinking wine, smoking pot and talked in a meadow by the levy of the lake not far from our apartment. To victory!

June 7th, 1978
(E)(L)
Wednesday – 72 days. And look how things have changed. Everything I hoped for here has virtually blown up in my face. But the future spreads before me. I read in the first hours of waking today, which didn’t start until 12:25 pm or so. I had a brainstorm. Tom and I should write movies – sort of a combination album/movie. Why not combine the two media? Every time we have an album we make it also into a movie. I got the idea from being inspired from the book I am reading. Tom and I returned the phones today. At about 7:30 pm I went downstairs and got in bed with Toniça and we told each other we loved each other, I put my finger in her vagina and caressed it for about 5 minutes. She went out and I left her about 9:30 pm. She said she’d come upstairs when she got back but after a drink, a porterhouse steak and OJ and a beer I went into my room and laid down. I didn’t wake til now – 2:20 am and I have no idea if she stopped by. I can’t wait to leave.

June 8th, 1978
(L)
Thursday – Tonight I made love to Toniça in my bedroom at about 1:05 am!!! I am so excited and happy. She loves me very much and wants to see me badly in the future after I leave. During the day I laid out in the sun and got a tan and read ‘The Dream Merchants.’ At 7:30 pm I went to Toniça’s and it took me until 9:54 pm to get her upstairs and in my bedroom. Within’ a half hour I had my shirt and her blouse off. She made a comment that she wouldn’t take off her shorts but I convinced her that we would not mess around so we got nude. She was laying on top of me at my request and my dick was hard against her crotch.
At 11:50 pm she went downstairs to check on Monique and at about 12:20 pm we were back in my bedroom. I was on bottom and almost putting it in and she said, “Don’t come inside me.” So I knew I was in. I was so happy I didn’t do nothing for a while but lie there and tell her how much I loved her. After this I suddenly began to make love to her and on her request I pulled out of her, so I came on the bed. She says she loves me so we plan to see each other in the future. Afterwards I went out with Milton and Tom and we got stoned, drunk and ate until about 5 am or 6.

June 9th, 1978
(L)
Friday – Today ends when I am so in love with Toniça that I don’t want to leave anymore. We made love for a while and then her sister knocked on the door so much we had to get up. But then we returned and later I began to make love to her and I did it softly, slowly and sweetly and it was so sensational – her pussy wet and tight. Finally I motioned quickly and then awhile before I came I became passionate and the feelings felt were very intense, driving deep within her. Just as I was ready to pullout she sensed that I was about to come and began to issue a warning – but I pulled out and came at the precise moment. It felt so good! I must’ve completely drained my system! Repeatedly we tell each other we love each other. I don’t want to leave and yet I think I must. I am faced with a dilemma.
Most of the rest of the day we spent with Milton. We had lunch with him. Then we lay out by Milton’s pool and got stoned in late afternoon. It was wonderful.

June 10th, 1978
(L)
Saturday – Today was, in all, a sensation day. I spent the entire day packing and seeing Toniça. We decided to stay over until tomorrow. I made love to Toniça for the 3rd time tonight and it was sheer delight. Her pussy is nice and tight and it feels like it is grabbing my dick as I motion in and out. It is wonderful. I told Tom in the morning – “Let’s stay” and we kinda got in an argument because he really wants to go but I wanted to stay because of Toniça. I didn’t really want to stay – it was just that I would miss her a little. I said, “If I can only stay one more night with her.” So I got my wish. Once in bed I tugged at her pants button and said please and she shook her head yes – so we removed her pants. We made love for a while talking – then laid – back and talked (1 var). Then we did it again and she started saying, “Please don’t come inside,” because she kept thinking I was ready to. After awhile I did but I pulled out.

June 11th, 1978
(L)
Sunday – Shortly after I woke this morning, I went down and knocked on Toniça’s window and woke her up. She made signs she’d come up. I had to go wake her again as she didn’t come up. After we had started packing she came out and watched the van. After we had everything packed we went swimming. Monique called her. I came and got her, and we lay down in the bed in the back of the van. We just lay there for a long time, me always thinking that “she can’t really be upset,” but her actions never confirming that suspicion. In fact, there has always been a doubt in my mistrust of her for being a woman – a doubt that she really loves me, like Denise loved me.
When it came time to she wouldn’t get out of the van. Her Mom came out and tried to get her to go. Toniça stood there with me outside the van and kept hugging me and me her. We stood there with our foreheads together and I could see her eyes were wet. When I made a motion to go she would back off but always return to my arms. Finally she smiled and we left. In mock, her mother came running out with her suitcase in her hand, as we drove away. By nightfall and bedtime I was wondering why I left.

June 12th, 1978
(E)(A)
Monday - As I woke I was sure I was going to go back to New Orleans. I got up and took a walk. I got back to the van and Tom said, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what we’re doing.” And I said, “I haven’t. We’ve already made our decision.” And I started driving to Arkansas. When we got to Lexarkana, Arkansas on my suggestion Tom and decided we didn’t have enough money to visit Diana and Susan and we drove back to the Dallas turn off. When we got to Dallas I sent Toniça a letter and mailed it from the downtown post office. We cleaned up in Fort Worth and had dinner at Wendy’s.
As we drove along I worked on a couple of new songs I’m writing and I was truly glad we had left. There we were in big ‘old Texas. At night, just out of Akilene we popped a tire, and had no spare. Some guy picked me up and drove me all over to help me. Finally by 5 am we were back at the van with the spare. The guy did us a good deed. He drove off. I slept as Tom drove a little.

June 13th, 1978
(L)
Tuesday – Tom and I had breakfast at a truck stop. We were about 10 miles out of Odessa. They had showers there so we each got cleaned up and then drove into Odessa. We were going to pull a surprise on Judy but I had called ahead and her brother told her I was there. When I finally talked to her she didn’t sound too happy to hear from me. It all became evident after a while that –
1) She had a new boyfriend, and
2) She had heard rumors about me from Janice, who went to Grace King and who inevitably heard them from Jane and
3) Judy had decided I was an asshole a long time ago, starting with the letter Jane indirectly prompted me to write telling Judy to be secretive if she came to Metairie.
It just goes to show how far a woman’s (Jane’s) wrath can extend! Ha! Ha! Janice was there with Judy. I walked out while Judy was in the bathroom and she came outside and I said we were leaving. She said she’d write. (I miss Toniça. Why did I leave her?) Tom and I had a 6-pack of beer and a nice dinner on our way to El Paso. By morning we were in Arizona.

June 14th, 1978
(A)(E)(L)
Wednesday – Oh God I’m lonely! And so far from home. No wait a second. I’m not far from home. I’m rapidly approaching home, as a matter of fact, we are approaching home at a phenomenal rate. Today we drove through to San Diego where Tom phoned Berda and surprisingly she said that she had a new boyfriend and she didn’t want to see Tom.
I immediately called up Clymer and we arranged to be at his place – about midnight. I got behind the wheel – we had pulled into San Diego about 6:30 pm and I drove straight through to Ventura county and then Tom drove us the rest of the way to Goleta. I called Clymer and got directions to his apartment. When we arrived Jeff was standing outside. It was a great evening.
After a few hours we were discussing how we were going to go about cracking the record industry down here this summer, how we are all going to stick together, what new name we should give the band, etc. The whole way up here I was thinking about going home, but now I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I miss Toniça and I miss girls. I hope that I see her again and she loves me.

June 15th, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
Thursday – Clymer got up at 7:00 am today to watch the Stock Market and I didn’t awake until later. When I did Clymer brought his girlfriend Cara into the room and I met her. When I came out of the room I started jokingly yelling, “I need a girl. I want a girl.” Cara suggested that I meet Marilyn next door.
In the afternoon Tom and I played a few songs for Jeff and Cara and although they seemed a little bored they also seemed to like them too. In the evening Cara brought over some eggplant parmesan and it was terrible but the cheese on top was good. Later – about 11:30 or 12:30 I went over to Marilyn’s and talked with her until about 2:30 pm. I almost asked her if I could stay with her. She is ugly but apparently available. She’s nice to talk to though.
Diary, already, there is a growing discontent within me in being here. If I hadn’t met and fell in love with Toniça, I would probably be excited about being here. I’m having a good time but love is now absent from my life.

June 16th, 1978
(A)(E)
(.5/1404)
Friday – Today started off bitchinly. When I awoke I overheard Jeff talk about going snorkeling in the kelp beds and soon Jeff, Tom and I were off doing that. Jeff is a hell of a lot of fun to be around. In the afternoon we sang a few Beatles songs and I really belted out Oh Darling! to the amazement of Tom. I sounded like McCartney. On the evening I went to a party with Cara and Marilyn. After we got back Marilyn and I talked for a while. After she went home I knocked on her roommate’s window asked for Marilyn and I asked her if I could sleep in her room cause there was no room tonight at Jeff’s. She said, “OK.” I thought she was going to let me make love to her but I asked her once in bed and she said, “No” and we did nothing – we talked though for awhile and slept at about 5 am.
Diary – this discontent in me may bring me back to New Orleans. I only hope it won’t be too late to rekindle the flame between Toniça and myself. I love her and I want to be with her.

June 17th, 1978
(L)
(1404)
Saturday – I called Toniça today and asked her if she wanted me to come back and she says, “Yes.” Today, I wanted to do some V/C problem solving so I wrote about how I wanted to go back to New Orleans and set up again. It was really before I knew it that Jeff, Tom and I had a meeting in which we decided to go back to New Orleans. If I do have to say so myself, I have quite a knack of turning a conversation around to where I want it. I didn’t even mention New Orleans. I only point out how we needed to set up somewhere and how we must find an appropriate spot, then kept saying I don’t know until Tom mentioned New Orleans.
Tonight I went to a party that Audrey (the girl everyone here was “awesome-ized” by, she is the most talked about girl here) told me about. When I got to this party on 635 Edgewood, there was a throng of people there. I asked Audrey to get me a glass, then later to get me a drink and after awhile we were talking and I was telling her all that everyone said about her. I brought us around back and after a while, on my suggestion we kissed. Then we were hugging and kissing more and I held her tight and started liking her. I talked to her in her apartment before I went to bed.

June 18th, 1978
(A)(S)(E)
(1/1405)
Sunday – Audrey Makis went off to Orange County today so I’ll probably never see her again. Oh well. Jeff, Tom, I and 2 other guys went to Rattlesnake Canyon today. I did a little nude sunbathing and got sun burnt on the spots that hadn’t been exposed to the sun. We drank some beer and went swimming and it was pretty much a lot of fun. When we got back I said that I would cook dinner. Unfortunately I ended up paying for half of it for 5 guys, cleaning the kitchen, cooking it and then when I went up for 2nd’s there was none left, although everyone else had seconds. Nice guys finish last!
Before dinner we were playing a bunch songs and it was a blast. Rock and roll Beatles tunes and a few of our own. After dinner and during we had a discussion on girls and Tom and I had an argument in which he was declaring that Jane was a 4. I was pretty pissed off. Just because he has been fucking raunchy babes and I’ve had some good luck is no reason to lie about it to everyone.

June 19th, 1978
(E)(L)
(1.5/1406.5)
Monday – Today everyone moved out of their apartments and into new ones or went home. I sat in the living room and played song after song as they cleaned house. I sang Oh Darling again and I’m Down and a lot of others. It was nuts cause a lot of people poked their heads in and said how good it sounded - Hock was singing with me – even Marilyn said “You have a great voice.” I was really surprised but then, you know… I am getting rather good! (How modest). Cara and Marilyn moved into their new place. I went out to dinner with Fighter and a few other guys at a place called Jaspers. I had a giant salad and a Pioneer Burger for $3.50 It was awfully good. I went over to Dave’s house afterwards (one of the guy’s we ate with) and we drank beer and smoked pot and had a pretty good time. I sent letters to Jane, Mike Taylor & Toniça today and a postcard to Gail. I think I really must like Toniça cause I was worried that my letter wasn’t appropriate or going to go over well. But it will. I miss her a lot and I wish so bad I was with her.

June 20th, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
(.5/1407)
Tuesday – I awoke in Marilyn’s extra bed and came out to the living room and everyone was up. Before Tom, Jeff and I left I found out that Marilyn was pissed at me because I reached over and touched her pie last night. She said I couldn’t sleep in her bed anymore. We went down to the stock exchange and Jeff and I went in and I learned a little about the market. On the way back Jeff and I got in an argument. Once we got back I asked Tom if I could talk to Jeff so Tom left and Jeff and I took a walk. I told Jeff how I wanted to become powerful – have power over my surroundings – money! Etc. So we decided to form an organization.
We looked for Tom and when we found him the 3 of us got some beer and walked to the Window by the Sea – a bench overlooking the Pacific. We decided to form an organization called Power – our secret code name. At night we went up into the Santa Barbara Mountains to an incredible vantage point under a full moon and clear sky. On the way down the hill (Hock and I had been arguing) I told Hock I was through with the group. But by the time we went to sleep Tom asked me if he could join my group and we all decided to record I Can’t Stand It in Los Angeles as soon as possible.

June 21st, 1978
(E)(L)
(1.5/1408.5)
Wednesday – In the early afternoon we went down to LA – Hollywood turn off and went to Capital Records and saw the gold records in the lobby (actually they are only plastic replicas) – then we went to Total Experience recording studios and talked extensively with an engineer/musician named Doug, who used to play with Fleetwood Mac.
Afterwards we sat around outside and then decided to check out a place called Music Lab. It was a small studio and they charged $20 per hour for 8-track recording, and I would say it was a pretty good deal. But on the way home I got to thinking what I wanted to do and we all got to realizing that if we wanted to make that recording we might as well stay here for another month. By the time Tom and I went to sleep we had talked and decided on the final plan of action – to borrow money and head towards New Orleans on Saturday morning. I can’t wait to get back there. I miss Toniça.

June 22nd, 1978
Thursday – Today we finally decided on what will be our final course of action – which by the way, was also the first plan of action we decided on – to go to SF on Friday night - go the Flea Market Saturday morning – with a slight hitch that Hock and I are supposed to do a painting job when we get there.
Today the boys and I did a lot of talking about things and we decided to tune the van so we went out and got lots of parts and we tuned up the van and it sounds better now. In the evening Tom and I had a discussion with Marilyn and Cara about romance and as usual I made many excellent points along these lines. I swear feminists are so clouded by the issues they maintain that they forget the true essence of what it is all about. I went out with Jeff and Tom and we partied during the latter part of the night at a park drinking Burgie beer. I don’t know if I like the idea of going back but I guess – what the hell. I want to get to New Orleans.

June 23rd, 1978
Friday – I almost could not wait to get the hell out of here today. We did not leave til 11 pm at night, after watching the movie 40 Carats, which I saw with Sharon Papworthon our 1st date in 1974. First Tom and I were reluctant about going, and blew hot and cold on whether we should go to SF or not. But once we were on the road it was decidedly a good idea. Jeff was still angry with me today because I told him he was an idiot in front of the gang last night. I persisted in telling him he was being ridiculous in his baby-like attitude (even after I apologized). Finally I broke through that German-hard shell exterior and we both were laughing about him being a supreme asshole (because he had discovered that being “hurt” was the best way to bother somebody and now he was using his latest tactic on me). The air was cleared. Tom and I had a lot of difficulty with the van and made very poor time on our way to SF.

June 24th, 1978
(A)
Saturday – By morning we were still not in SF. By about 9 am we got within a few miles of the Alameda Flea Market and blew a tire. About an hour and a half before I had adjusted the points in Gilroy amidst curses of the worst sort coming from my mouth. Now I had to carry the flat to the gas station. 45 minutes later I returned with a new tire and the jack had fallen from the van. I took another walk and got the jack. We finally got to the Flea Market just before 11 am and sold about $25 worth of stuff bought 2 tires for the van and a large suit bag. After the Flea Market we went into SF.
It was wonderful to see this, the most beautiful of all cities, again. We bought a loaf of French bread, sourdough, warm from the bakery and margarine and a 6 pack of Olympia beer and sat by Marina Greens and feasted. I was elated. The air was fresh and it was truly a wonderful experience. The cool SF breeze invigorated my whole being. We drove down and looked for Mike Taylor, not finding him. We went to Tom’s house and saw his parents. Mike found us and he bought me dinner at the Prince of Wales. I passed out on his bed around 7 pm. At 10 pm we went and found Hock. Tom and I went up to my Dad’s house at 11 pm, talked until 1 am.

June 25th, 1978
(E)(L)
(.5/1409)
Sunday – I didn’t wake up until about noon today. Tom came by at about 4:30 pm and we went by Mrs. Trainor’s for an estimate but she wasn’t here. We changed a tire on the van and then we practiced a little in his garage on Don’t Leave me Hangin’. I went home for a dinner of chicken, peas, mashed potatoes, applesauce, milk and coffee, which my Dad prepared for me and then I picked Hock up and then we went to Bill Weeks’ house. We went to the Lanai and had a few strong drinks, met JJ Kerman there and then bought some beer and went to Mark O’Brien’s place and smoked some pot. That was my first joint in a while.
I slept out in the car til those guys were ready to leave and I didn’t get in until 6 am. I called Robin from the O’Brien’s house in a drunken stupor and asked if I could come over. She said, “No” but requested that I come over on Wednesday. I had called her in the evening and arranged to see her at 9:30 pm Wednesday. I hope I didn’t blow the opportunity to make love to her.

June 26th, 1978
(L)
Monday – There are so many things in my mind now, mostly good, some bad. On one hand I love little Toniça daily and I really can’t wait to see her. To be honest, I think the memory of Jane still disturbs me. Our relationship was utter bliss right up until the second other discovery. It is so upsetting to see everything you’ve worked for fall right through your hands. And Fred’s departure – I dare not even think about that.
On the other hand I feel there is a great conflict within me – whether to love only one girl or many. We can see the problem loving many causes yet loving only one can cause problems of the same magnitude. I wonder if it wouldn’t be best to remain faithful to Toniça.
I believe for some reason I have an overwhelming need to be loved at this Moment in my life. Sexually (love) I am going through some turmoil at this point. All I want is to be loved. Now that I have gotten all these feelings down I must start anew – tomorrow on the 27th of June 1978. Today, I organized my stuff, ate a lot, went to Tom’s, smoked a joint of gold, we got a job starting Thursday painting for $350. I went to bed fairly early. I’m discarding all my non-perfect clothes.

June 27th, 1978
(E)(L)
Tuesday – If used solely by itself without the use of alcohol I believe marijuana is the lover’s drug. My sense of awareness of females and their boundless pleasure–giving capacities are heightened on marijuana. It is alcohol, which is the dangerous drug, and its use should be limited. I should call up Pam Campagna to see how she’s doing. Hock and I are almost for sure going to make a tape before we leave. We went by “Apostrophe’s” practice tonight – that is the group Tom’s younger brother John is in. Man, have they got a great set-up. But I don’t think despite perhaps $20k worth of equipment, that they sound that good.
So… Kermit, the guy who owns much of the equipment – he has agreed to record us before we go. We are tentatively starting on Friday. Tom and I start paining Mrs. Trainor’s house tomorrow and I guess I’m still supposed to go over to Robin’s tomorrow night. She better let me sleep with her. I was depressed for the 1st time in about 5-6 months today, but by the time I went to sleep tonight I was in much better spirits. Dad’s loaning me some suitcases.

June 28th, 1978
(S)(L)
Wednesday – After 4 years of use of Dyna/Psych™ April 28th, 1974 - June 18th, 1978 I have finally discovered the proper way to do the Super Suggestion. No countdown is done with your lips – you think the numbers – when you reach the point of relaxation then you think each word in order of the suggestion. The results were devastatingly positive. I just did an additional one: I am always successful in seducing a female pleasantly. The possibilities are endless on the positive suggestions you can make – now I understand why J. Karbo had a list of the good ones for him. I’m starting the same thing now in the back of this book.
I went over to Robin’s apartment tonight and I knew I had to be cautious. I arrived about ¼ to 10 pm and I didn’t get her into bed until 3 am. We took a walk and kissed and I told her when we finally got into bed that if there was any doubt that there had always been love there and that I loved her. She said she couldn’t make love but I just said nothing and she went in to the bathroom and came out and we made love and it was rather beautiful and exciting. The entire time I was just on the verge of coming but I held on for quite awhile moving slowly in the ecstasy. She seemed delighted and very pleased with the act.

June 29th, 1978
(E)(L)
(.5/1409.5)
Thursday – When I awoke this morning Robin said I could come over again tonight. I went over to Hock’s house and I was rather bored with him and told him I didn’t know if I wanted to continue with the music. I also told him I hated him and I didn’t respect him. Taylor and I took a ride to my house to get some equipment and on the way back he started making jokes that I screwed ugly women. I swear that pisses me off and I’ve got to figure a way to gain a reputation for screwing foxy girls!
I had a bad day preparing Mrs. Trainor’s house for our painting job, had chicken and beer at Mike Taylor’s apartment, and he got me psyched up for music again. I called Tom and we practiced a little tonight. I went over to Robin’s about 10:45 pm and we dilly-dallied around for a while talking and at 12 midnight we went to bed and we made love and it was nice. When I awoke to go in the morning (June 30) she grabbed me so I hopped back in bed and we made love and it was rather boring.

June 30th, 1978
(L)(E)(F)
Friday – Today was fantastic all around. As I wrote on the last page June 29th when I awoke today I made love to Robin. I drove to Tom’s house afterward and we eventually got to Mrs. Trainor’s house. We talked to her and I asked her if she wanted a great job on the trim, would she pay us $550 (instead of $350) and she said yes; that is the amount that we need to go back to New Orleans and I explained that to her. We worked until about 7:30 pm and are planning on completion next Thursday.
I drove home and sang a new song on the way. I screamed it out and it felt and sounded good. I had a letter from Toniça and she says she loves me. and I am very happy about it cause I really do love her. I stole some lobster tails from our refrigerator and had lobster tails, baked potatoes, salad and 7-up and coffee for dinner. Before I ate I called Irene Vidal and arranged for a date. Monday night she’s supposed to pick me up at 8:30pm. I’m to call Robin Sunday night. I compiled all Hopeless Romantic songs into a new volume called the Hopeless Romantics Completion. As that band is now different and we started a new one called Shock, which is our new name. I am once again on the golden road!

July 1st, 1978
(L)(F)(E)
Saturday – Dear Diary, I miss Toniça so bad. I just want to be with her. I’m worried that we won’t be finished here until July 15 or so and wonder if she can wait for me. She’ll be going out by then and maybe she’ll meet some guy. I love her so much. Today we terminated our work at Mrs. Trainor’s because her son tried to impose a bunch of stupid rules on them paying us by the hour and they could never make up their mind what they wanted. They gave us each $52 for what we had done and then we split. When I got home I started compiling pictures of the girls I’ve known. I want to make an album of them. I am excited about Shock, Tom and mine’s new group. It is a whole new concept – we’ll be totally commercial and very dynamic. For starters we’re changing the lyrics of You’re the Tops – to We’re Shock! - as a theme song. I think Tom’s song Don’t is appropriate for the group.

July 2nd, 1978
(L)
Sunday – Today Dad, Mark Fadgen and I started preparing the house for painting. Those guys sure did a lot of supervising work. We had a great dinner of London broil, mashed potatoes, zucchini and onions, etc. And I stuffed myself. In the evening after supper I went to Robin’s apartment and after awhile we went to bed to talk and then we made love. I slid down her body and tongued her upper vagina and clit a little bit and then we made love. It’s so funny but honestly we make love very well together. I should not say it’s funny, but ‘surprising,’ and not even then, because I guess I’m getting to be pretty good at doing stuff with girls. I’m going to be later getting back to New Orleans than I had at first supposed and I think I’ll wait til Wednesday to call Toniça and ask her to wait awhile longer for me. Now she is the one I love. I feel the difference with her.

July 3rd, 1978
(E)(L)
Monday – We’re Shock, we’re the greatest. We’re Shock, we’re the latest, we’re Shock, we’ve got it made, we’re Shock, we get laid. We’re Shock, S-H-O-C-K. Shock!
Those are the lyrics to our theme song. I kind of dreamed them up today while painting. We got a lot done today. At this rate we should be done by Friday. I really drove us but we got a lot done. Tom and I had a few beers today after we were done and in the evening at 8:30 pm Irene came by. I wasn’t at all ready and she was dressed up. She had to wait til I had eaten and gotten dressed and talked to Paul. Her and I got some wine and parked in her car in the Burlingame Hills. After quite awhile she said, “I have this desire… to kiss you.” So we kissed and hugged. She’s a sloppy kisser. At 1:30 pm she dropped me off at Tom’s and I took the van to Robin’s and she let me in. I told her I had been night sailing. We made love and then slept.

July 4th, 1978
(E)(L)
(1/1410.5)
Tuesday – What a frustrating day! By the way, it is July 4th Independence Day in America. My father tried to “help” us today; he ruined the entire day, doing the wrong thing at every turn. He told me what to do, what not to do. I endangered my life and limb by trying the “safety” harness he imposed on me to use. Today’s painting was a fiasco. Tom and I nearly split the group today and Mike Taylor came up and him and I got in a fight. My father and I yelled also. We had a great dinner and Tom ate over again.
Later on we drove to his house and we watched some real dud fireworks go off in front then we retired to his room to sing and discuss our new project Shock. The idea is growing in my mind. I’ve become intrigued and a bit overwhelmed with the thought of it.
I went over to Robin’s at 11:30 pm. Shortly we went to bed and I was really digging our lovemaking. I guess it’s from experience on my part, but it is so much better than it used to be.

July 5th, 1978
(L)
Wednesday – I’m writing this on July 8th so I am having a hard time figuring out what I did July 5th. Two things I know - I painted – oh yeah! – My Dad helped us in the morning and me and him had a big discussion/argument and then he left us alone the rest of the day. Hock and I continued painting until we were almost done with the eaves. Not very exciting.
I went over to Robin’s tonight and we made love as indicated (1 var). But to tell the truth I have no recollection other than knowing it to be fact. The days are all the same and the nights – go to Robin’s. It’s nice to make love. Oh yeah. I remember trying to bring myself to the point of coming but then stop and keep it at that level, but I came before I wanted to, but it was nice.

July 6th, 1978
(L)(F)
Thursday – The long days painting are killing me. This is getting ridiculous. And I want to get out of here so bad. Tonight we went to the show with Brian Buckley and Bill Weeks. I fell asleep during The Sting. That’s peculiar because the last time I fell asleep and the only time was at the Belmont Theatre to see the same movie years ago with (soon to be) Miss San Mateo County, Tina Fisch. Why I didn’t fuck a chick like that is beyond me. I was too insecure in those days! Tom and I are sold on the tune Shock. Taylor came up during the day and helped us paint.
I want to see Toniça. I know its silly cause she’s so young but I want to hold her and be with her again. I guess I really love her because I feel so strong about her even though I’ve been seeing other girls since I’ve been in California.

July 7th, 1978
(E)(L)(A)
(1.5/1412)
Friday – Today was great and yet blah! Tom and I took the morning off and wrote a song called Be My Heroine. It’s kind of tricky in the lyric department and I love it. We got stoned in my kitchen and thought up a bunch of neat lyrics – but they’re pretty lewd! Then we went down to the store and we bought some lunchmeats and beer. Finally at 1:30 pm we began to paint in the late afternoon. The extension on the ladder slid down and deeply cut a gash in Tom’s arm.
Tonight we went to a party and I got drunk and ended up sleeping there. Big deal! You know I really wish that those guys realized that I’m great with girls. Shit. They’re kinda jealous I think. I’m doing great and have been around a lot of foxy babes and I think I should get recognition for it. If Taylor saw Lynn he’d shit a 100 bricks. I miss Toniça. Harpster’s coming Tuesday.

July 8th, 1978
(L)(A)
Saturday – Shit! Today all sorts of things are going through my mind. I’m glad I’m writing right now for it helps me organize my thoughts. My thoughts are: Toniça. Diary I’m so hopelessly in love with her but no one would ever know it. I don’t say much about her because I’m afraid that when I go back she won’t love me anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I’m really concerned. It’s kind of hidden in the back of my mind at all times. I love her. I miss her so much I don’t know what to do. Nevertheless I guess I appear indifferent about her. We painted, Dad and I, all day long and will be finished completely by Monday.
Tom’s arm was seriously cut yesterday and he stayed home after an alarming visit at the doctors. I’m scheduled to go over to Robin’s tomorrow night at 11 pm. I’ve been thinking a lot about Shock and am considering having Jeff and Gary be in the group and make it a spoof group. I still think of Lynn and I want to get a picture of her and many others.

July 9th, 1978
(E)(L)
Sunday – Clymer called this morning to tell me to drop off his surfboard at his brother Scott’s. He called Raytheon. He may be ready to leave soon. I painted all day and almost completed the paint job. I wrote a bunch of letters in the evening and called Marc, my brother. We arranged to meet in San Francisco tomorrow night at 7:30 pm. I tried to call Toniça but got no answer. While I was painting today I thought up a song called ‘Walkin’ Down’ which is a satire on the outlook of a rock superstar.
I went over to Robin’s at about 11:30 pm and she liked the song. She suggested that we go on stage with diapers on. That would be quite a Shock! We had an excellent talk and went to bed talking. We made love for a long while and parts of it were very sensual and other parts were just OK. We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Helen said she’ll pay me tomorrow or Tuesday. I’ve been neglecting the order of my life lately because I’ve been painting, but it has been fun. The only order I really want is to accurately record what is happening.

July 10th, 1978
(E)(S)(L)
Monday – Ok. 123… order is called to this diary – from henceforth, no bullshit like making entries 4 days late (it makes it confusing to read later). I left Robin’s at about 8:30 am and she said to come over tonight at 10:30 pm. I finished painting the house by 3 o’clock today. I was in the house singing and (I threw my voice out a few days ago) my voice sounded great but the surprising thing was that it felt great. My projection into the forehead is increasing, use my throat to control and all of a sudden, effortlessly, I’m learning how to sing effortlessly. I called Mrs. Nelson to find out about the accident and what measures they are taking and much to my surprise she said Fred had just gone out but could she have a number he could reach me at. I said I’d call back.
Diary, I have not been writing about my state of mind, which is infinitely different than 5 weeks ago. It is lengthy to explain but I’ve a deep set determination to succeed and I feel more realistic, cynical, smart, perceptive and practical and I feel suddenly as if I’ve taken wing and my state of mind has achieved fruition – perhaps it’s the super suggestions that I’m doing properly. With the group whatever is going to be the outcome will be in the news. I mean its going to be a good time, and exciting. I went into SF tonight to see Marc. Listened to him rationalize why he likes marriage. Drove to Robin’s – made love - I was horny and it was lusty. Woke in the middle of the night and did it to her from behind.

July 11th, 1978
(E)(F)(L)
(1/1413)
Tuesday – Drove by Hock’s in morning… went to my place… sang Walkin’ Down… despite himself he loved it… Helen wrote check for $825, which I cashed… had lunch at Tom’s. Divided up money… had muffler replaced, van tuned, bought spare tire, mailed letters to Toniça, Lee, Milton and Walter… got money orders for Lee, and Guth’s… now only owe Gram $200… only debt… had dinner and drinks at Gulliver’s (as I wanted) with Harpster and Dad… Harpster’s great. Dad’s a goof… is getting nowhere in life… should we go to Montreal… I must be careful… growing to respect Hock more everyday and listen to him… he doesn’t like the idea of having Clymer in the group… “Walkin’ Down” could have possibilities… Raytheon goes up for Clymer… I had $430 today… now $370… Probably take off Sunday… I now lust for money.

July 12th, 1978
(E)(L)(S)(!!)
Wednesday – Dinner at Gam’s – Showed up late after practice with Tom at his house… told Tom I would like to play bass… we talked and decided I’d play bass and he would be lead singer… at Gam’s had a fabulous “bohunk” [“Slovenian”] feast… lamb, salad, potatoes, bread soup, corn, pie, etc… and drank 2 brandy and 7-ups… stuffed to the maximum.
Drove to Robin’s… went to bed and made love after a talk… she needed confidence building so I tried loving her well… I went down on her… she dug it… many thoughts have been going through my mind questioning the intelligence of people in general… for example… if people had any sense why couldn’t they have more success… eg… my father with business… seems most people settle for much less than what they want… then content themselves with rationalizations.

July 13th, 1978
(E)(S)(!!)
(2.5/1415.5)
Thursday – Got invited to record on Kermit MaCaulay’s equipment… Tom and I went to Posnick’s house and I laid down a bass line to “Shock”… then Kermit did effects and Tom and I sang the vocals… I laid down a dumb guitar line… it sounded very different… in the evening Tom and I went up there… we ran out of time – John couldn’t lay down the drums… so we transferred what was good from 4-track to cassette and I mixed it at Robin’s later, when I went there… Tom bought some pot today and we had many beers.
Quote: “So we see that no force other than that to overcome friction is necessary to maintain the motion of a body…” if I apply that to endeavors it would mean that to achieve something it may be not so necessary to “do” things as it is to alleviate all your obstacles, then just walk into success. [Concept of the Thin Momentum is born?]

July 14th, 1978
(L)(S)(!!)
Friday – I woke with Robin… she left and I slept til 1 pm… she came back and we made love for quite a while…
I had dinner with my family for my birthday at my house – Dad, Helen, Mark F., Paul F., Mike, Linda, Danny, Donna, Marc, Maxine, we had spaghetti, great dessert, almond flavored cake… I got a book from Marc and $10 from Mike… makes my birthday collections $100! Had talk with Donna… got me thinking how to be shrewd. Would it work to undermine an industry so all your plans were carried out… eg – learn the hierarchy of a record company and make the right friends…
It’s true, in my opinion, that all men are fools to a greater or lesser degree… the family I come from is just common folk… it is a mold I must break away from.

July 15th, 1978
(L)
Saturday – Today I found many interesting events. I drove to the Salvation Army and bought a huge trunk for my stuff. Heard from Helen that Lenora just called when I arrived so I called her collect. She told me news of Fred Nelson getting married to Robin! Then she asked if I’d like to fly to Ohio to see her – she’d buy the plane tickets and I’d only have to fly out there for a day. I said I might want to. She called back and said it was a set flight leaving Monday and I’d return Tuesday. I said Ok…. Her husband supposedly en-route to Denver, Colorado.
I went to a dinner at Tom’s house and it was a lot of fun. They all sang Happy Birthday to me. We went to a party afterwards with Rob Hall and his fairly cute girlfriend. Saw Rob Wilkinson at the party. I’m kind of sick of getting high and drunk. It seems every night since Tuesday I’ve been doing it. And although I’ve planned to go to Ohio for a day (mostly for my ego), I miss Toniça and wonder how can she help but forget me, I’ve been gone so long. I can’t wait to get out of here. It’s beginning to close in on me. Tom too. Toniça.
Toniça, will you wait for me? But it’s terrible because I’m afraid of what might happen with her. I’m turning cynical because I want to be smart, but I don’t want to stop living.

July 16th, 1978
(E)(L)
(.5/1416)
Sunday – I’m laying here Sunday morning in bed and I’m slight discombobulated – Fred’s getting married… Tom and I are selling out and becoming Shock! I’m flying to Ohio when I should be going to New Orleans to see Toniça. And where’s Jeff Clymer?! I’ve got patience, but is he deserting us? I hope within a few months Jeff, Gary and Tom and I are together and Toniça or Lynn is by my side. I’m bored stiff here in SF and I wonder if I’ve made bad impressions on our family or friends while I’ve been here. No one likes that song Shock. Taylor hasn’t called here. What shall I do?
We brought Scott Clymer a wetsuit and surfboard from Jeff. It was good to see him. We went to Church w/ Mrs. Hockridge because she decided to come along when we were only gonna fake going to church. We had dinner afterwards, then Scott and then Brad showed up. It was good and interesting to speak with those two guys because they’re exited about their lives. They mentioned Jim Matheson so I immediately, called and asked him to be in the group, ‘cause he’s a super guitarist. I had to leave but Jim said he was going to come over.
I went to Robin’s and when we went to bed, made love to her – the session lasted about 40 minutes and it was intensely pleasurable. She has turned out to be a good lay.

July 17th, 1978
(A)(L)
Monday – I woke up at 5:27 am 3 minutes before I had told myself I must wake up, although we had a clock here. I caught the plane at 7:25 am and flew to Chicago then transferred and flew to Youngstown. Lenora picked me up; we went to a bar and she warned me about Toniça. We picked up her friend Theresa and went to the house. We couldn’t find the tape of Shock I had clearly brought. Around 6:45 pm Lenora and I went up and made love. It was “unifyingly” terrific. When she wanted to go downstairs we did it again first and it was sweatingly sexy.
We went out for pizza and drank Scotch. We went to bed. It was the most sexual fuck I’ve ever had. I pumped her and reamed her cunt for the longest time – my cock got harder and harder. I could’ve gone all night it seemed but she was getting a bit tired it seemed so I finished off. God did we fuck! I pumped and pumped her and she held on tight. She gave me a $143 gold chain for my neck. I woke up in the middle of the night spooked and as she rolled over I thought she was trying to kill me - but that’s because I’ve been reading a scary book.

[Section containing July 18th – August 4th still lost. –Editor]

August 5th, 1978
(L)
(1418.5)
Saturday – Toniça. She is like wine, and I drink of the fruit of her lips, and breasts and her womb. “I wish I could come home wid ya.” “I’m gonna make you so happy.” I suppose it was because of her pregnancy, her plentiful breasts were issuing milk; after repeatedly sucking her mother’s milk she later said, “Can I feed ya?” softly, and positioned her breast. It was warm, sweet and rich and an immense turn on (1 var). Because I was sad she wouldn’t remove her shorts because she had been bleeding, she went into the bathroom and cleaned and stripped on the bed and we got under the covers and I sucked the milk from her breasts. It’s a sensational feeling but then she’s got sensational breasts. “It feels good when you do that” says she, “I love you” back and forth a hundred times. I’m so Happy Diary!
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m to blame for Fred leaving, for my Mom kicking me out, because I want full credit when I ultimately succeed.

August 6th, 1978
(L)
(1418.5)
Sunday – “I love you” simultaneously from both of us and then a quiet laugh in recognition of that wonderful unity of rhythm of two people that are truly in love. I sucked a little on her breast when her mother, who stays home on Sunday nights went outside. I was just finishing working on the van (if it wasn’t for me it still would not be working) at about 5:30 pm when Toniça surprised me. She helped cook my dinner as I showered and before we left she took her first birth control pill. I stayed up talking to her Mom and her until 3:25 am, waiting for Clymer to call again, as he had called earlier when I was not there. Her mother is somewhat crazy but does not seem to mind Toniça and I hanging all over each other.

August 7th, 1978
(F)(L)
(1418.5)
Monday – Is the approach to making a billion dollars different than the approach to making a million or $100,000? Today I discovered a flight from New Orleans to Jacksonville, Florida (where I could pick up my money) and connecting to New York is $128.37. I applied at Schweggman’s Supermarket today and got a job working in stock. I finished reading a book called “Yearbook.”
Toniça and I got nude tonight and I humped her making sure my dick went only maybe ¾’s of an inch into her and pulled out when I came. I will mark it down as a variation. If I had not pulled out it would’ve gone somewhat inside her. I love her a lot. She’s really good to me. “I want to make you happy,” says she. She took her 2nd birth control pill tonight, in front of my very eyes. She was real sad tonight because her Momma had been mean to her. We never fight and that’s wonderful.

August 8th, 1978
(L)
(1418.5)
Tuesday – (Let’s say it’s making love, technically – if the girl would consider it that.) I went down and got a physical today to work at Schweggman’s. I have 20/20 vision, normal color vision, no hernia and I seem to be fit. I got to Toniça’s at about 8 pm. She first was crying (about the abortion) and then she was acting snotty. I didn’t say a word, but in truth I felt like leaving. Then she wanted to know what was wrong. I’m so delicate with her I’m amazing myself. I came up with the truth. I was just a little depressed. I assured her she did nothing wrong. She asked a lot of questions. She finally asked, “Is it because you haven’t been able to make love?” And I said, “Yeah, I guess that’s it, but it’s not your fault.” After that she woulda done anything, or so it seemed. She said we don’t have to wait 3 weeks, only 2 since the Causeway Clinic had said 2. “And then you’ll be happy!” she said cutely. I sucked a little more milk from her tit tonight and we both loved it.
August 9th, 1978
(L)(S)(F)
(1418.5)
Wednesday – Tired after working at Schweggman’s 7 hours, only 6 ½ hours sleep, after a nap ideas started coming to me. Africa… Mrs. Ryan’s class in fifth grade we studied… Revolutions within the continent… political power up for grabs, going to the most powerful… Clymer, comrade in arms… we go to Africa in 1979 for intrigue, money. Legally or illegally, power. Europe… see the countries I’ve missed. 1979 Adventure. 1980 Love. 1981 Entertainment. 1982 Success. 1983 Finance… my objectives. The group? Postpone it, forget it, whatever… but now I have new objectives… I don’t owe anything to anybody or country… call me an international Brat. If I can do it in my lifetime, why not? Who says it’s more profitable to work day in and out for society… only people with the brain power of a broccoli spear. Call Clymer tonight. Quit Schweggman’s… use free time to study… flights, fares, trains, buses, governments… geography… politics… narcotics… could we get away with a narcotics smuggle in some land so far off no one would ever know?! We need $5000, preferably each.
One good way to reach your V/C is to deprive yourself of sleep. Tonight with Toniça was a great night. We laughed our hearts away all night. We were in hysterics about everything. I told her anecdotes about my physical for Schwegmann’s and we cracked up. And in love? We’re so in love! It’s so great. I never get angry with her and I always try to understand, explain and be patient with her. I called Clymer and he says as soon as he receives a package of clothes he is on the plane to New Orleans!!!

August 10th, 1978
(L)(F)
Thursday – I stayed at Toniça’s til her Mom arrived at 2:35 am and then talked til 3:30am. I woke up at 6 am by use of my automatic mental alarm clock and went to work until 3 pm, after which I quit as I had planned to do when I first went in for an interview on Monday. I’ll pick up my paycheck on a week from Saturday. I went home and slept til 8 pm, after which I rushed to get to Toniça’s ½ hour late at 8:30 pm. She thought I forgot about her. Poor thing! So I quickly explained. She was so happy to see me; it made my heart bubble over the way she snuggled up. I don’t know what is going on but her sister Renada, who up til Tuesday has been the biggest brat going (still cute though) has suddenly started being sweet as hell to me, bringing me drinks, etc.
Toniça’s still bleeding a little. We lay in bed tonight, as usual with our tops off and kissed and loved. She asked me if we could go to my apartment Tuesday when we make love, and asked if it’s gonna make her bleed and asked if I’ll come in her and asked if it hurt would I stop, and assured me she wanted to. “I want to make you so happy.”

August 11th, 1978
(L)(E)(F)
Friday – Work 1 pm to 9 pm – Went to work and all day. After work Toniça and Franja picked me up. We dropped off a package to a wedding and went back to their apartment. Toniça and I went to my apartment and lay down on my bed. We talked and I told her how I’d like her to take off her clothes without having to be asked when we got to bed. She’s still bleeding. We ‘got upset’ cause we both felt insecure at the same time and she almost walked home alone but I called her and walked her there. By the time I left at 5 am, everything was fine again.
I learned something for all that, which was that I trust Toniça now. I mean the whole time I’ve been seeing her I kind of couldn’t believe she truly loved me and all of a sudden I realize I shouldn’t go around doubting a fact she proves to me every second. I should enjoy this marvelous gift God has bestowed on me. She’s taking the pill regularly. I bring it to her every night. Don’t know if I mentioned my new songs, “I Think I’ll Be a Spy” and “Is That What Good Boys Do.”

August 12th, 1978
(L)
Saturday – I was talking to Toniça about how in the future I’ll probably be making $50K a year and so on in about 15 years and she said, “I hope I’ll be wid ya.” Pausing happily, stunned, I said, “Me too.” Work 11 am to 7 pm – I’m writing this on Sunday 2:35 am. I am so in love with Toniça as to be above heaven and paradise, I love her body, her lips, eyes. I love the smells of her skin and body and vagina. Her box is exactly the right size for me, ranging from tight to juicy. Ah, lord in heaven! And her personality is ideal. We laugh and talk and understand each other. We express our feelings to one another. The perfect pair has been found. We never argue. Everything runs smoothly.
I went over at 7:30 pm – We went to bed and she took off all of her clothes without having to be asked. I asked if we could do it a little and she said “Yes.” We talked with my dick going in and out of her about 2-3 inches for maybe 1 to 1½ hours. Finally we clutched and kissed for the finest fuck of my life. We got going and the bed rocked in perfect harmony. I pulled out just before I came and had to let the come, come in my hand (blech!) so it wouldn’t stain. Soon she’ll be able to take it inside of her.

August 13th, 1978
(L)(F)(S)
Sunday – work 7 am to 3 pm – without an alarm I awoke at 7 am after 3 hours sleep and I was ½ hour late to work. I enjoyed work. I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and hot roast beef with gravy on bread for lunch. I went home and slept until 7 pm and was ½ hour late to Toniça’s. I stayed until 5 am talking with her mother and playing kissy face with Toniça. The girl excites me. Poor thing has some bumps over her eyes. She has been taking the pill diligently for a week now and she asks me if I brought it over.
It seems, dear diary, that the New Orleans Project may work out after all, that being a vow Tom and Fred and I made under my suggestion – “We will not leave New Orleans until we have cars, chicks, recognition.” I plan to put most of my money into making my lifestyle better; buying all the things I need and want. I’ll try to put 10% of it in Florida. To earn $1,000,000 would mean I’d put away $100,000 cash, enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life. I want a decked out apartment and a nice car, etc.

August 14th, 1978
(F)(L)
Monday – In love to a wonderful extent of understanding, patience, warmth with a girl who’s not afraid to sew, cook and make love to and for a man who returns her kindness with his. I never outwardly show anger to her, I am always considerate and want her happiness. Starting this week, once a week, I am going to get her a card or gift, so that there will be steady stream of demonstrations of my love. We went shopping all day together and I spent $40 buying sheets, 2 pillows, 2 pillowcases, thongs, 3 pairs of great underwear, shampoo, deodorant, conditioner, pimple medication and groceries. I am starting to understand the joys of having and spending money, which makes me want to worry less about spending and more about earning, which is the name of the game. I believe that not smoking pot or drinking since I left home has been very beneficial. Toniça and I went to my apartment and I began undressing her and she took off her clothes. We were in between my new sheets and we made love carefully and I pulled out. I went down on her in 2 short spurts during our lovemaking. She turns me on like none of her predecessors.

August 15th, 1978
(S)(L)
Tuesday – Here is a general rule I have discovered for myself in regards to what to save and what not to: Save only what is irreplaceable.
I wish I could lie in bed all day and not feel guilty. Since I’m working 3 days a week, I have four days off and lots of time things are getting patched up with Tom, partially because Toniça convinced me that I should be nice to him. I had a long talk with him today and when he asked me if I still want to rock and roll I said jokingly, “I think I’ll let you sweat that one out for awhile.” He appreciated the humor.
Toniça came by this evening with Monique and an hour after by herself. Then we lay down and when I mentioned getting in bed nude with each other she agreed, so we undressed. Then we made love. Amongst the nice things she said to me tonight: “I used to think making love was supposed to hurt. You never hurt me. You’re so gentle.” When I mentioned how nice it would be to have her stay overnight she said, “Then I could lay by ya’ll night.” And… “I don’t want to go out wid no one else.”

August 16th, 1978
(L)
Wednesday – When Toniça and I got back to my apartment at 10 pm I got in bed and she followed after a long talk in the nude, in which she told me if there was anything she could do to make me happy to tell her and I told her if she could make love most everyday to me and she promised to do her best. Then we made love and I went down on her. It was exquisite as usual. The girl has got sex appeal. Then we got talking again and I was feeling good. I asked her if we could a bit more and she said she could, so we made love again and again in the midst of it I went down on her. I pulled out before I came as usual. She asked me why I liked to go down on her and I explained I liked it and then talked a little about girls going down on guys and she thought it was disgusting and how Artie used to get pissed because she wouldn’t do it to him but I told her how Jane did it to me a few times but feigned I didn’t care.
She then said that when we were taking a shower today (we did and it was exquisite) that she felt like touching me (down there) but was embarrassed so could she touch me now? And I said “Of course” and she grabbed my dick and jerked it for a while and then did it again and I got excited so we made love a 3rd time and I kissed her vagina a 3rd time and we left at around 1:30 am.

August 17th, 1978
(S)(L)
Thursday – My mind has been formulating a new plan noticeably since, perhaps since the end of April, and when I finally grasp it I will write it down. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I can feel my mind pondering, examining, wondering, figuring in the back of my brain. I want to make my mark on the world! Toniça came over after we went shopping today for shoes for me and we made love and then we made love a second time and we took a shower and she kept grabbing my dick during the shower and she washed my hair, etc… she’s great.
I brought her to work and then I attended to various sorts of things around the apartment. At 12:15 pm I went to pick her up and then we went back to my place and we made love again for a 3rd time and because she keeps grabbing my dick. We made love for a fourth time and I went down on her too. I brought her home and her mother came in and saw us sleeping on the bed.

August 18th, 1978
(L)(A)
Friday – That comment by her Mom last night caused me to worry all day. I worked from 1 pm to 9 pm and I asked all sorts of questions about the legalities of statutory rape. Now I know what Harpster was talking about when he said that I shouldn’t get involved with a 16 year old. It leaves no room for choice. The mother can actually make a power play to force me into marriage. I just may be leaving on my world trip sooner than I thought! No disrespect, my dear Toniça, but I will simply not be forced into marriage, even though I would consider marrying you.
I picked up Toniça after work and we went to my place and we made love for about 1½ hours (talking, stopping, loving, me going down on her, her grabbing me.) She said, “Can we make love in the shower sometime? I liked taking a shower with you.” My orgasm was intense tonight. On my way out tonight at 4:45 am her Momma seriously asked me, “Why don’t you two get married? You can get married in December and have baby by September.” I’ll say one thing, diary that this fear and this situation will be cleared up one way or the other by me shortly and I am not going to fail.

August 19th, 1978
(S)(L)
Saturday – [I want to note that of its own accord my mind is beginning to function and feel like that of master chess player’s and my outlook on life to be as looking at a grandiose chessboard. I think this astuteness will aid myself immensely in my pursuits. I will not be intimidated. I may attribute this clearness of mind to no drugs, coffee or alcohol in the last month (practically).
Sexually, Toniça is a wonder unto herself. Her capacity for sex and learning and willingness is quite remarkable. I picked her up from work. We made love and I had been tired, hungry and worried all day about the legal complications of seeing a girl so young. When we first made love it wasn’t all that great ‘cause I really wasn’t in the mood. But she kept grabbing my dick afterwards until I was surprisingly ready and she ‘tasted’ my dick (1 var) and I went down on her (1 var) and then she got on top of me and we made love for quite awhile (1 var). We just can’t seem to get enough of one another. I swear I could lie in bed with her all night. I pray on my bloody knees that I can get her through this first month without pregnancy before the pill takes effect.

August 20th, 1978
(L)(E)
Sunday –
Obstacle #1 – Getting Toniça safely on the pill. Obstacle #2 – Getting Jeff Clymer here safe and sound. Obstacle #3 – Eliminating as best as possible potential legal hassle that could be started by Toniça’s Mom.
Obstacle #4 – Get debts out of the way.
Obstacle #5 – Get my own van.

I have to say that if by poor, poor luck, I get Toniça pregnant before the “pill” has a chance to work, that I will simply have to keep my head and convince her to an abortion. Woke at 7 am this morning on top of her bed and her Mom was still there and thought it was humorous that this one time she had not waken me up and I was late for work. I worked and then slept until 12:15 pm. I picked up Toniça. We came to my apartment and [carefully] we made love. She got on top of me and rode me for a while. It was perfect. Her soft body and swelling breasts, soft lips and wet vagina have me under her spell. My dick has never gotten harder! It’s like a rock with her. We went to her place and laughed talked and kissed and said soft words to each other until 6 am, all with her mothers non-committal observation from the other room.

I am looking for my golden opportunity.

On the other fronts besides love, we have a stalemate of sorts. Major questions are overhanging my life at the Moment. I want to have a group really bad, called the Romantics, but I feel stifled for the Moment as I have for the last 6 months. I don’t know where to turn, I want very much to travel and want to have completed seeing the world by the time I’m 35. I’d like to return to school and complete my mathematics degree. I would very much like to earn enough money to buy a car, pay back Gram and put $1000 into speculation stocks. I want to be in the music business but I am a little discouraged because everything is oriented to disco and I can’t play or produce better than those that will sell. I feel my music is or could or will be better but we have nothing to sell. I’m not really opposed to doing it with Hockridge, cause he does have his talents, but I feel he will drift home while I wait for the right occurrence to gather my motivation. I know, as I have known for 6 months that something will come along but I’m not sure when, and I know [if] I’m looking for it will do no good, and there has to be a repercussion of H.R.’s work – such as, Clymer helping us because he’s had faith in what we’ve done.

August 21st, 1978
(E)(L)
(1/1419.5)
Monday – As things go, prayers well put are answered. Tonight, surprisingly easily, with no effort, in an effective move Milt and I thought it would be fun to start a group (Tom, of course), so he says we can make time to do it. So there you go, after all this time. Now we already again have the makings of a group. The Romantics. Jeff Shea (leader, I’m going to force Tom to write a statement covering why I am the leader), Tom Hockridge and Milton Duprey. Milton also says he can probably get me a job being a front desk clerk. The 3 of us saw Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – Frampton and the Beatles. I thought, we’re terrible. Clymer had better arrive soon.
Toniça came by with Monique tonight. She came by to take her birth control pill. She was a snotty bitch. These symptoms appear whenever Monique is around. I try to keep that opinion to myself. Now Toniça claims she’s not getting a check-up tomorrow like we planned. I guess it’s her life. God, I’ve got to be careful. A great sadness came over me tonight about her abruptness when she gets with Monique. She’s so sweet otherwise but in a direct confrontation I’d lose so I say naught.
Toniça and I still haven’t gotten in a fight and I’d rather die than argue with her. I hope I can save my bloody ass from legal complications from seeing her. But I love her a lot. I missed not making love to her today. When it comes to that she is sensational in bed. She saw pictures of Bernadette tonight. I hope to God she’s not jealous. I sent Lynn a letter today. Her picture was a disappointment. I am going to save some money in the form of Travelers Checks + American Express or maybe German marks. God, I hope everything goes right. The counter culture seems to be in the making. We’ll be surrounded with admirers.

August 28th, 1978
(L)(S)(!!)
Tuesday – I woke and read and Monique and Toniça came by and then left and later just Toniça came by. She was being snotty again so we talked about it on my bed and then we made love and I went down on her (1 var). She almost always gets on top of me when we make love and surprisingly, she does it so well! It feels so good when she’s on top of me. I watch her breasts constantly pressing against my chest. Her nipples are exquisite. I walked her home and stayed with her. (Her Mom suggested she take some steak out for her and me). So she cooked me a nice dinner.
We went shopping at Lakeside at 8:30 pm and went to my house and we made love and I went down on her (1 var) and she got on top of me. I can’t wait til I can come inside of her. I just pull out now when I have an orgasm. I walked her back home and by the time I left at 1:15 pm, she was a cute, loving girl again.
Why make any move unless it is going to be effective? Picking the right time, place and action can be extremely time saving rather than make countless bad attempts. I’d say most people can tell if what they are about to do is going to work, or at least have enough sense to admit they’re not sure. For example, if someone gets you mad, if you yell immediately, it will probably do no good at all – if you wait and act pleasant meanwhile, a proper opportunity will arise in which the opposing party will be dying to change to please you, if you play you’re cards right beforehand. I could have called Clymer and told him to get down here, but why would I when if I do absolutely nothing he will arrive anyway? See my point? Pick your Moments.

August 23rd, 1978
(L)(E)
(.5/1420)
Wednesday – Making love with Toniça tonight was beautiful!! Another smashing day. Things seem to be falling into place quite well. I bought some pants down for alterations and when I got home Milton was there. He is a real neat guy. He took me down to Tulane University and I am going to apply there and at Toyota and at UNO. My Dad will be so proud of me! Milton and I played a few songs when we got back to my apartment. He seems pretty serious about starting a group and says he can definitely find time in between school and work. There are only 2 things to straighten out then before I commence my leadership of the Romantics.
1) Get J. Clymer here and have a discussion
2) Have Tom Hockridge agree in writing that
a) I am the leader of the group
b) Insubordination won’t be tolerated.

Toniça and I made love tonight. It was beautiful. I felt so masculine and she so feminine.

August 24th, 1978
(F)(L)
Thursday – Toniça is sensational! I had to get up early this morning to be at work at 7 am. I had a great day at work. Free breakfast of eggs, bacon and hash browns, free lunch of ribs, rice and beans. I earned $26 in tips today, which is one of the best days I’ve ever had there. After work, I picked up my suit and pants at the cleaners. I slept til 7 pm and did some shopping and then I picked up Toniça from work. She smuggled out two roast beef sandwiches, etc. We went back to my apartment. She told me she started her period! This is just great, because that means she’s not pregnant and by the time she could be fertile again the pill will have taken total effect. Pregnancy is now all but ruled out. We did her homework in bed (She asked if I’d mind if we didn’t make love during her period. I said it’d be ok – so she keeps her panties on). To get me off we put some lubricant in her hand and then my dick and I pumped in her hand until I came. She always attempts to please me. Left her at 2 am.

August 25th, 1978
(L)(S)
Friday – Went shopping til 12, worked from 1 to 9 pm. Got off. Took Toniça to see Grease. After we went to my place and made love and I came inside her. We made love again for a second time. I took her home around 4 am. Saw her Mom a few minutes and then left and went home to bed. Toniça and I have a perfect relationship. Unlike with Jane, we never fight. You can’t know how wonderful it is to be in love like that. I really dig it. You know, think about it. What does man seek out in his lifetime? I think contentment is a very hard thing and a very desirable thing to find. I’ve found contentment with Toniça. I don’t mean to sound defeatist, but it seems like a typical pattern of mine to get something great and toss it way. I think I’d be terribly foolish to throw it way – Toniça and mine’s relationship. I’m not saying we should immediately get married but if I could hold us together I think it would be a very wise move.

August 26th, 1978
(F)(L)
(1420)
Saturday – Worked from 11:15 am to 5:30 pm. Got a $5 tip for one car. Went home and slept. Went to get Toniça around 9 pm. Went back with her to my place. Jesus, everything felt so good tonight! We made love, her on top for along time again. God, it’s great with her. Tonight was extra-special – everything felt so good with her!!! When I think of it, what have I been searching for with every girl I’ve been with in the past 3-½ years? The answer is what I have now - Toniça. Someone with whom I get along, who loves, wants and needs me and whom I love, want, and need. That is something I’ve not mentioned before like tonight, Toniça said, “I need you.” I said it to her too. I guess that definition of love I heard is right. Love is a deep, overwhelming need for each other.

August 27th, 1978
(F)(L)
(1420)
Sunday – Finished Trinity. Got $23+ in tips at work. 7 pm – I predict Clymer will call Toniça’s tonight. Wrong – he didn’t. Do you know what the hold Toniça has on me over all girls? Can you imagine a young girl like her, still fresh, sassy, loving and directing all that positive energy to me. She’s so damn cute, every word, action. Christ she must be a bitch to others but she’s in love with me. For example, this will sound dumb – her feet have little cuts from her sandals – she refers to the condition – “They wounded!” – Not they are hurting or my feet are cut, but they wounded. It’s stupid but her childish joy makes me feel like a pre-adolescent again – that happy fervor that knows no fear. Christ, maybe I want kids now or something. I saw her tonight for a while but we did not get to make love due to time, but she said, “If the drain in the bathtub gets fixed can we make love in the shower tomorrow?” “Yes!”

August 28th, 1978
(L)
Monday – How can I possibly describe my happiness. My joy and my wonder at a love so perfect. I guess all loves must end sooner or later. I accept that. I wonder if Toniça realizes that. I guess she does. Lord, I want to make this one last as long as I possibly can. I slept in until 2:30 pm today. Toniça’s Mom was staying home tonight; luckily, I had an excuse to get Toniça out of the house. I had to return some underwear. Due to lack of time Toniça agreed to come to my place instead. Oh, it was wonderful… “I love to feel it grow before we make love. It gets so hard and… it feels so strong… and… oh (sighing) I love you.” I love when she talks to me like that. I was on top first, then her (1 var), then with her on top we sat up (1 var) and I wiggled around, then I got on top. We made love for 45 minutes. (I have a clock right by my bed.) I told her how it felt sometimes when we make love and she agreed. It sometimes feels like there are little flashes of, fire - little dots of fire all over down there.

August 29th, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
Tuesday – Tonight was kind of weird, but only because I’ve gotten a touch of the flu – slight fever, slight stomach upset and slight diarrhea. Whenever I get this condition, which happens about 2-3 times a year and lasts 2-3 days, I feel weird. I think strange things, my mind wanders, I feel listless and could care less about life in general.
I ran around today, getting underwear, doing the wash, got the nude photo of Bernice back, bound and filled photo album I bought with pictures at hand, paid Toniça $35, which she gave me the money to pay for her post-abortion shot. I called a stockbroker; he said I can invest let’s say $52 every 2 weeks into a stock. Great!
I picked up Toniça from work and got to my apartment about 9:30 pm. We went into the shower and started making love standing up. Then she lay on top of me, I was almost submerged. We dried off and went to my bed. Then we made love some more and I came with her on top. It wasn’t very good cause I’m not feeling very good.
I just had a talk with Tom, in which session I had him sign an agreement, which said that I was the leader, him second in command of a new group called ‘The Romantiks.’ I told him I would “put my foot forward” so to speak, if he would agree to sign this agreement. I told him I’d talk to Milton tomorrow, which I did - I mean this afternoon, but I told Milton to come over tomorrow, meaning the 30th and we’ve set an appointment for 2 pm.

August 30th, 1978
(L)(S)(E)(F)(A)
Wednesday – I can’t figure it. Sex with Toniça was fantastic tonight. I mean it always is, except since I was sick last night and it wasn’t I was expecting it would be crappy tonight – but sex was great. I get this great feeling when I’m in bed with her. It’s as if the temperature in our bodies, or our skin types, fit perfectly. She feels so damned good up against me. Contrary to what I’ve felt when other girls get on top of me, it almost feels better with Toniça then when we’re in the missionary position. She moves around so well. I can’t figure it. This is sure dynamite.

August 31st, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
Thursday – Still Clymer hasn’t showed up. I’ll say one thing. My underlying purpose in Metairie is to get on my feet financially which I define as –
1) Paying all debts
2) Stocking my wardrobe
3) Send an additional $500 to Florida
4) Invest at least $500 in stocks
5) Get at least $500 in cash ready
6) Buy a sports car.

It’s unfortunate but my relationship with Tom is getting to be ugly. I have never felt like this about someone. Sometimes I just key up when he’s around and I can’t bring myself to say a friendly word to him. I find myself resenting the sight and presence of him. I went by Toniça’s. I was thinking how much I’d like to make love to her and before I knew it we were going to my apartment to fetch a report. We made love in about 13 minutes – we had to rush – but it was exquisite. I love the feel of her body and the size of her pie. I kissed her down there. I helped her with her speech. She’s a lovely girl. Hey! I wrote a good song today. It’s called, Nobody Wants Me Anymore.

September 1st, 1978
(S)(L)(F)(!!)
(1420)
Friday – Still waiting for Clymer. I’m inclined to say, that bastard, but I’ve learned to keep things to myself. I can never quite bring myself to accept the insincerity of the world. It’s depressing. Clymer said he’d send $100 – he didn’t. Clymer said he’d be down here weeks ago – he wasn’t – said for sure by today – he wasn’t. I’m beginning to feel foolish for believing him or anyone. I’m at wits end with people. Either I learn to handle people or all my enterprises will have to be solo. I’m thinking seriously along the lines of a dangerous, personal, time-consuming mission to Africa. Resolve will take time to arrive.
I went over to Toniça’s tonight – as usual I never directly say, “let’s go to my place and make love” – I say something else, and we go and make love. Tonight our lovemaking was sensational. She said: “I love when it’s like this, it feels so strong inside me.” When Toniça’s on top I love it. I had one of those orgasms tonight that seem to penetrate into the deepest recesses of a girl, but I trust she’s not fertile at the Moment. I’m learning rapidly to control my tongue and thus have much greater control of my effect on other people.

September 2nd, 1978
(L)
Saturday – Today I worked from 11 o’clock to 7. After that I went by Toniça’s house, borrowed her Instamatic camera, went to the store, bought a battery, film, flashes, went home, showered, went back over, took 2 pictures of Toniça and took her to see Eyes of Laura Mars, a scary picture. It was so scary that Toniça was scared to be in my apartment, where we went to after the flick, so upon her request we went to her apartment. I was a bit saddened and disgusted by the film and a little disappointed that we did not get to make love, and Toniça’s reaction was heart-rending in the utmost. She said (upon hearing me say, “I need to make love to you now”), ”I always want to be there when you need me.” She was crying and saying that she was sorry and that we could go back to my apartment, but I declined, and I was very quiet, sad and nearly morose, but even in love we parted with love flowing towards one another in beautiful giving. The movie was disgusting.

September 3rd, 1978
(L)
Sunday – Today I worked from 7 to 3 pm, stayed when I got off work til before 6 and got to Toniça’s at 6 pm. Her Mom was there and her Dad was visiting, but they both left by 7:30 pm, whereupon Toniça and I kissed, hugged and got to my apartment by just after 8:30 pm. We made love soon after arriving, me on top, her on top, then sitting up, then even the other side of the bed, then her on top, then I came when I was on top, laughing, play, even in love, happy sexy – it was a great pleasure and a great deal of fun. After I pulled out (right before I came), Toniça placed her hand on my dick. After lying there making our usual tributes to each other I got hard and we made love again. This is sensational! At about 11 pm I brought her home. Whereupon we fell asleep til 2:30 am, when her Mom came home. I chatted til a bit after 3 am, went home and slept. I’m reading the French Connection.

September 4th, 1978
(S)
Monday – Labor Day – Important – Man, have I been blowing it! When you visualize your daily declarations – things you want – you’ve got to sort of pretend they have already happened – not something you’re working for – something you’ve got – make believe that car is sitting right out in front of your door. Close your eyes if it helps. When you say the words, believe them – if you don’t believe them it could hinder the process by disbelief.
I worked today from 7 to 3 pm. After I got off I slept til before 6 pm and then arrived at Toniça’s around 6 pm. She wasn’t there. Being tired, I lay down and slept til she came in and woke me up at 7:30 pm. She had been drinking and smoking dope, but was as loving as ever. I tried to hide the fact that I was upset, but she kept asking me what was wrong. I felt I wasn’t special enough to her to deserve the consideration of having her being home on time. She apologized and I said she didn’t have to and we were loving to each other throughout.

September 5th, 1978
(L)
Tuesday – What a glorious life I lead. I find that the one thing in life that is always a joy is to be in love. I took care of a lot of little odds and ends today and at 8 pm I called Toniça at work. I picked her up at 11 pm and we went to my apartment and made love – it was so much fun! And so beautiful! And we’re so in love! She’s taking her 2nd packet of pills. We made love and when she gets on top I got into throws of ecstasy. Then she sits up and her hair is all messed up and I’m still inside her and she looks so cute. She says, “I wish I could be here in the morning when you wake up.” And we go on and on describing our love. The good thing about our love is that we find it easy to make conversation about everything – we’re never lost for words or what to say – and it’s fun talking to her. She tells me how much she likes me to be inside of her and how much she enjoys making love to me. This is great!

September 6th, 1978
(L)(S)
Wednesday – Diary, I must admit that a lot of great developments are developing at the moment. I’m finding that my whole outlook on a lot of things is becoming so much better. For example, I called Clymer tonight and he’s coming down September 25th. I told him not to worry about being late being as generous in my attitude as I could be – and he seemed so pleased and relieved that it was worth it.
Toniça and I went shopping in the afternoon after she decided she didn’t want to go to the doctors to get a check up. We went to my apartment in the evening and had another blissful session of lovemaking. I’m so lucky. I must be one of the luckiest men in the world. I enjoy lovemaking so much. It makes me joyous. We made love twice, 3 var. She wants to please me so badly. I hope this doesn’t break up like with Jane.
Daily Declarations should be a process of looking back in satisfaction instead of looking forward in anticipation.

September 7th, 1978
(L)
Thursday – I thought I was going to go to work today, but I didn’t. I just took care of odds and ends. I got the photos back that I’ve been taking of Toniça. They’re not so hot. Perhaps I should have her get made up just for the occasion and take some good shots. I picked her up along about 11 pm and we went to my apartment. After Toniça, I’m never going to go around with a girl who is under 18 or who is living with her parents, too many worries. I showed Toniça the photos and she didn’t like them. We made love and then a bit later we made love again and we fell asleep until about 1:30 am. (Because I’m writing this and my memory is a bit old I’m going to register that we only made love once with (1 var), although I’m pretty sure we did it twice.) Her Mom didn’t go to work this evening and so she was upset about us coming in so late. Boy, did we blow it! I’m telling you! But we explained that Toniça fell asleep at my house so I let her sleep. We made it all sound very innocent.

September 8th, 1978
(L)(S)
Friday – I worked today from 1:15 pm until about 6:30 pm when they let me off early. When I got to Toniça’s things were a bit of a drag. For starters my attitude has been a bit shitty lately. Last Sunday I woke up with a plan to go to Kenya, Africa in September 1979. I guess, inside, I’m afraid that I’ll have to marry Toniça, and all week long I’ve been turning off to her a little in a subconscious effort to free myself. So it started coming to a head tonight. I’m just being a baby and I realize how much I want her and I do need her. She kind of made hints that tonight wasn’t a good night to make love.
I had to go back to the apartment myself and get her pill and I was swearing and cursing her. When I got back I acted silly and she had every right in the world to tell me to get lost, but she didn’t. By the time I left I was pacified and she asked if I’d give her a ride to work tomorrow and I said yes. You see I’m just acting childish when I really need and want this girl. I mean I’m violating all the edicts of love just because I’m as stupid as can be.

September 9th, 1978
(L)
Saturday – By the end of tonight things in my mind were almost all the way straightened out. I went over Toniça’s in the morning to give her a ride and she didn’t go to work so I got upset again. God, am I a baby!!! I started acting stupid and I thank God this sweet girl is giving me more than a chance. I mean, still, through all of this we’ve never fought, though this is the closest we’ve ever come and the reason is that in my mind I’m trying to rationalize that I should act cool to her. What an idiot!!!
After work I almost keeled again because she didn’t want to go to the early show and then by some miracle, probably because I realized just how much I loved her, everything switched back to normal and I was myself again. I asked her not to be cruel to me anymore and we laughed. We had to go the French Quarter to return a set of keys. We went to my apartment and we made love and oh! God! it felt so great you wouldn’t believe it. Man, it was so fantastic, but you got to realize that I was so back in love with her before we left her place. We went to the midnight show of Animal House. It was funny and a great flick and like 2 lovebirds we fell asleep in each other’s arms at her place.

September 10th, 1978
(L)
Sunday – Glorious Sunday. I am so happy! I love Toniça with all my heart. Today I worked (I was 3 hours late) from 10 am to 3 pm. Toniça came by crying like mad when I was taking a bath when I got home. [You know even the guys at work noticed a change in my attitude. So I made a Super Suggestion of “I am a warm, friendly, well liked person” – and my day was great after that!] The reason she was crying was because her Mom and Franja had gotten in a big fight. I loved consoling Toniça and drying her tears. I took the little flower home and by my miraculous powers with people, I talked to her Mom (Franja had run away) and calmed her down and I made Franja feel better when she finally got home at 10 pm.
Toniça and I drove her Dad home and then we stopped by my place and she took her pill and we made love really quick in about 15 minutes (and I kissed her down there 3 times) and got her home in time to tell her Mom we’d stopped for a bit to eat. I’m still hungry. Toniça is my dream girl and I’m proud of my new friendly attitude.

September 11th, 1978
(L)(F)(E)(!!)
Monday – Love should be a totally positive, giving experience. I was with Toniça from 4:30 this afternoon until now, about 1:20 am, and in the time she let me wear a gold ring she found, shared her free steak dinner coupon for 2 at Bonanza and gave me her love. I brought her a Seventeen magazine, gave her a lollipop, helped her shop, helped her with her homework, lent her my alarm clock and gave her my love. Realizing that often one takes for granted the great gifts one already has, I intend to cherish our lovemaking everyday. We made love at my apartment tonight after we ate. It’s so nice to be in bed with her I think I almost like it more when she’s on top of me (1 var tonight) than when I’m on top of her!! – it feels so good.
Among my other activities of the day were to go to UNO and get applications for school and federal money grants, give a list of repairs to the apartment managers, buy a shirt for $18, play some H.R.’s songs. I really enjoy singing our old songs and for that reason I’m going to start where we left off.

September 12th, 1978
(E)(L)(S)
Tuesday – I guess yesterday or today may be officially established the opening day of Hopeless Romantiks II. Me and Milton spent a lot of time together today and we more or less decided to make a go for it. We discussed the various chores to be accomplished. I hope that what happened with Jane happens with Fred. I lost Jane but immediately gained Toniça. Toniça is approximately 1 million times a better girlfriend. I lost Fred and immediately we gain Milton. If he can just be 10,000 times better than Fred I would be satisfied.
Money… this is, as is for everybody, a big problem. I am considering lowering my goals to something closer to what I may be able to achieve. Instead of $1 billion perhaps it would be wiser to have goals like $40,000 in bank, brand new car, a house, a boat, a plane, something simpler and more tangible. Toniça came by my place tonight. She started her period tonight and I checked on a calendar and it is exactly 4 sequences of 28 days since her last period in April. She put lubricant in her hand and got me off (1 var). We had our clothes off except for her underwear.
A strange, or rather unexpected occurrence took place today. As I was getting ready to leave with Milton who comes walking up to me but Joy and Marsha! They were down here from Poplarville for a doctor’s appointment. Such a change I have never witnessed before. It was disheartening. Marsha looked bad, as usual. But Joy, who had a little body just 7 months ago was filled out, almost to the point of being fat! She had no make-up on and she had cut her hair! She looked so bad I was truly embarrassed to be seen with her!
Well, it was too bad Milton was there to witness it! I wished I had never mentioned what a nice body Joy had. God, I could not believe it – her face, butt, arms, stomach – oh God! It just goes to show how wrong you can be. I thought she was going to be a real fox. She had just received my letter, which I sent last week. We had a Coke at Pasquales with them and then they went off to the doctors. I was glad to see them go.

September 13th, 1978
(F)(L)(!!)
Wednesday – The boredom of this life has got to change! I am making money and spending it at the same rate. I must begin working towards some sort of financial independence or I will go mad!!
I write this at the conclusion of an almost perfect evening. During the day I was restless, pensive, nothing seemed to go right. Now I feel loved, so wonderfully love by the 16 year old Toniça! It is a blissful night, a beautiful relationship and a blissful life. Today I got an extra packet of pills for Toniça. See, she’s back in her normal cycle and that’s way off of the cycle she’s on with the pill. I’m keeping her on the blue pills until the 5th day from yesterday when she should start the next packet. I hope that I’m not making a mistake. I also sent for my transcripts from my schools back home, in the intention of going to UNO. Toniça came over tonight and even though it’s the 2nd day of her period we made love. She is so great! It was really nice. Then when we returned to her apartment we helped her study for her test with her hand down my pants and me feeling her. After the studying we started making love but Franja came home.
By the end of almost every night with Toniça, we are so in love it is heart-warming. I think it is important for lovers to touch one another a lot. “Do you know how people on earth have been starving for almost their entire stay on earth? Now many populations eat to their satisfaction. I believe it is so with sex. For a young man like myself, I could do with sex every 2 hours of my life with someone I love. I love to lie around kissing and loving. Now I perhaps have sex once a day. Thank God for that! But I could definitely lie around most of a day making love and just being close.
When Toniça and I are together you wouldn’t believe how good we make one another feel. The things we say to one another and the things we do. She says, “I like to have you inside me. It feels so strong and all.” And… “Sometimes I need you inside of me. When I’m sad and all and you’re so strong and it makes me feel better and all!” Wow! And of course, I shower her with the utmost compliments.
I had a dream I made love to some chick tonight.

September 14th, 1978
(L)
(1420.5)
Thursday – I spent a large part of the day in bed figuring out how many times I made love and to whom in 1975-1976. I finally figured that I made love to Denise 354 times. Actually it was much more than that. I took the most conservative reading from each day. After that comes Jane with 55, Robin 43, T with 42, Lenora 36 and Bernadette with 34.
You know what pisses me off? Waking up today (September 15th) it hits me that I didn’t include Star – and God knows we made love at least 30 x’s probably more like 70 – I’ll have to re-investigate since I threw away my figures. Toniça, please forgive me. No disrespect is meant to your loveliness, and I would be content to make love to you only for the rest of my life – so please try to forgive me for writing this nonsense.
Later on in the day I had to chisel my way out of the bathroom because the door got stuck shut – but at least now it opens. At 10:30 pm I went to pick up Toniça from work. We went back to my apartment and we made love. The girl is so dear and sweet to me. You know, I am glad that I had other girls before, because it makes me appreciate her so much.

September 15th, 1978
(L)
Friday – I’m very much in love with Toniça. I am in love in a way that I’ve never been in love before. I want it to continue and on the other hand I don’t want to even have to consider marriage at this point. You know me, the eternal bachelor… well, it sure seems like that is coming to an end… I’m becoming quite domesticated. I guess it was bound to happen. It is just when I‘ve found a girl with whom I get along perfectly, with whom I’m very much in love, with whom I would love to live with, it just seems like the logical step. But I don’t want to marry. But I do love her and I’d do anything for her. Well, it’s a premature worry.
Tonight we saw ‘The Revenge of the Pink Panther.’ After, we made love 3 times until about 3:20 am. Among the things she said, “I love you on top of me. It makes me feel kinda weak when you push inside me. I love you.” – and, “It makes me happy knowing I can please a man like you.” God, I love her!!! I am trying to straighten up my life. Do you realize diary, if I hadn’t met and fallen in love with Toniça, I would’ve be in Australia or England by now.

September 16th, 1978
(E)(L)(F)
Saturday – Toniça should begin new packet this evening. After maybe 4 hours of sleep I got up to go to work today. I felt exhausted! I went from 11 am until about 6:26 pm when I drove home to find Milton and Tom practicing. Now, do you know what I did? I told them although I would love to be in a group with them, that –
1) Milton wasn’t serious enough to merit him being part of a serious attempt to make it big – he agreed.
2) That there was a personality conflict between him and I, which prevented us from doing it together (Tom and I).
3) If I was to do it I wanted to get the very best performers I could, perhaps through the paper.
4) To Tom, I was sorry of my incompatibility to be a member in good standing of our groups.

I picked up Toniça and we left her work, Roy Rogers, and went back to my apartment. It was around 1:15 am. We made love for ½ hour, one of the most enjoyable ½ hours of my life. It is perhaps hard for one who has never experienced it – unmitigated, seemingly unlimited happiness derived from being with one special person. I am so happy! We fell asleep on top of her Mom’s bed.

September 17th, 1978
(E)(L)
Sunday – I kinda on purpose slept over Toniça’s on top of her Mom’s bed and her Mom didn’t seem to mind and I got up at 6 am and talked to her Mom for ½ hour and went off to work. At work I tried to please Randy by doing everything according to code and he was pleased so it was a happy day at work. On my way home I bumped into Toniça and drove her home, then to work. I went home and slept until I got ready to go to pick her up from work. On my way out Tom was coming in. I was thinking about it before and when I saw him I put my arms around him in friendship and said, ‘Let’s form a group,’ and I meant it. I’m gonna try again and I finally mean it. He was very happy. But I told him I wasn’t sure about Milton. I’m kind of glad Tom is a simple guy. Not stupid, just simple. I’m complex. He’s faith, I’m drive.
Well, I got Toniça. We went to my apartment. She said she had to get home and I said, “Could we stay for 10 minutes?” So we made love really fast and I guess it was kind of raunchy – she told me later she didn’t want to make love like that anymore. I suppose there wasn’t too much love involved in that 10 minute act tonight. She’s right.

September 18th, 1978
(L)(E)
(1/1421.5)
Monday – Today I awoke at 12:30 pm. I washed my clothes, cleaned the apartment, talked with the manager about fixing what’s wrong with the place. Then at 4:30 pm I went to see Toniça. Her and I went shopping and then we went to my apartment. There, we made love for a good while. I tried to make it slow, soft and sweet. It turned out to be a very nice time. See, I was trying to make up for having not been like that last night. I brought her home and stayed with her until 10 pm. I want to please her very badly. I love her a lot. When I got home after 10 pm it was in order to practice with Tom. We watched the end of a movie, Audrey Rose, until 11 pm, then we started a discussion. We ended at 1:30 am, having decided that probably the best thing to do was for him to lead sing and for me to play the bass. This, I suppose, was nothing more than a reaffirmation of a decision we made July 12th.
We want to have a phone put in tomorrow.

September 19th, 1978
(F)(L)
Tuesday – I tried having a phone installed today. Tom and I had $75 prepared for the deposit. I was shocked. They wanted $150. So the phone will have to wait! I Told Toniça that I wrote it and she wanted to throw the letter away! Toniça was right in a way. My Mom kicked me out and I apologized. But I’d rather be friends with her than to be “right.” Toniça and I made love today in my apartment. It was really beautiful. Once in a while everything seems so nice it’s kinda like paradise. The lighting, mood, time of day, feelings, etc, all were perfect when we first started making love today. God, do I dig it when she says how strong I feel inside of her. She tells me that when she’s on top she gets this “tingling” sensation. I think that’s her having an orgasm.

September 20th, 1978
(L)
Wednesday – Toniça and I went shopping today and afterwards we went to my apartment. Once there we took off all our clothes, got in bed, and made love. I kissed her “down there” and I was on top first. It felt great. Then, after awhile, I asked her if she’d get on top, and she readily consented. It felt magnificent. Everything is so warm and content when we’re together. The touch of our bodies blends perfectly. When she’s on top I love the feel of our pelvic bones lightly grinding together. After we left, we went to her house. She had to baby-sit for Ronnie, the guy who cut my hair today, so we went next door, where he lives and she fell asleep on the couch close to me, while I read ‘The Amityville Horror,’ the number 1 bestseller in America. It is an OK book, but nothing spectacular. I didn’t get home until ¼ to 4. The air-conditioner wasn’t working properly and the apartment gets very humid. I went to bed.

September 21st, 1978
(S)(E)
Thursday – I awoke today around 11 am. I wake up late around here. I decided that instead of saying my goals out loud I would just think them through and visualize them as I go along. The plumbers came and fixed the sink and the toilet. The help came and fixed the air-conditioning unit. I made some spaghetti. I mailed a letter I wrote to Fred asking for negatives of film he took on our trip. I went to the library and returned the books I took out and then I took out 6 more. I came home and began reading one by Isaac Asimov.
When Tom came home, we talked and then we practiced a bit, with me on the bass. Once we got used to it, it was fun. We went shopping at Lakeside. Just as I do, he’s interested in getting a lot of nice stuff. I picked up Toniça from work at 11 pm and she gave me some Roy Rogers food. We went to my place and I gave her her ‘pill’ and the ribbons for her hair she had wanted yesterday. She was afraid to make love because it was so late. I was pretty disappointed. I left her sleeping at her place and we didn’t make plans to see each other.

September 22nd, 1978
(A)(L)(S)(!!)
(1422.5)
Friday – Today was a pretty good day. I even got my car towed away and some guy at work posted his license to get it out. Well at least it worked out alright! I worked from 1 pm til about 7:30 pm. After I got off I went to Toniça’s. Her mother convinced me to come over after work today when I went by to pick up my book that I forgot last night. Toniça thought I was mad at her, but actually I was grateful to see her. See, last night, she was sleeping when I left in a huff and her Mom told her I was mad.
I went to my apartment with her. I was sad ‘cause I wanted to make love and we hadn’t last night. So I was very grateful when (we ended up not going to the show and stayed in bed for a while) we made love 2 times. The first time I came while I was on top of her. It felt so good to get inside of her! Well, then we made love again with her on top and I came in that position (1 var). She’s always telling me how much she likes to know that my cum is inside her. I love to have her tell me stuff like that. I went to her apartment later and left about 2:45 am. It seems to me that I have not made much in the way of progress this year. Sexually I guess I have.
I’d say 1977 was a better year for you know, the experience with the H.R.’s was truly exciting. Looking back, it feels great to know that I did something exciting. I really wish that just on a fluke something exciting would happen to give me the self-assurance to make one more ‘go’ at it – and then by some luck to be reasonably successful at it. But even still, I’ve realized something important – that if you go for something with all your heart and miss, it still feels great to know you tried.
No longer am I disgusted with the many “failures” we made as Hopeless Romantics. When I think back on all the experiences I’ve had with Tom and Fred I feel very happy. I guess then, it is time well spent. I’ve been very depressed lately, thinking how I’ve “blown” my life – not going to school, etc. I don’t have a car, etc – that’s depressing. But a lot of that depression is because I’m on to what a lot of people call a success. I’ve been trying to live up to other people’s standards. In doing so I think maybe, I’ve lost that magic spark that makes me, me – and if I can’t be other people’s success at least, and most importantly, maybe I can be my own. Maybe that’s wrong – maybe ‘trying to please myself 1st,’ is wrong, and maybe selfishness is wrong.
I think the lull that has come into my creativity is because it has taken me some time to let a lesson sink in – a lesson I learned from Jane, Fred and Brad (good riddance) leaving me. That lesson is 2-fold. One, that if you are going to try to accomplish anything you should make sure your foundation is solid. Or you shouldn’t expect to succeed. Brad being a drummer was clearly ridiculous. A girlfriend like Jane, who I was arguing with, wasn’t about to stay around long. The second part of the lesson is the most important – think of other people and consider their side of the story. This is something I wasn’t doing. In short, my lesson was to think more. To be intelligent. I’ve got a brain, I should use it. Some of my ideas have been ridiculous – clearly. Enough of that. I shouldn’t forget some of my most cherished attributes in my desire to be more realistic. Enthusiasm is an asset once you’ve decided to do something. Drive is important. And conviction is important too.
I’ve lowered my goals: $10 million in assets. 1 million liquidable - $500k yearly salary. Well, I haven’t resolved my goals either. Hopefully Jeff will get here and money will happen.

September 23rd, 1978
(F)(S)(L)
Saturday – I woke up and went to work. The bellman chipped in and gave me $25 for helping them move a lot of baggage. It took me about 50 minutes. I started work at 11am and punched out at 8:30 pm. I made around $25 in tips today – pretty good! In the large I’ve had a good time but sometimes my own irresponsibility frustrates me. I’m worried if I’ll ever make anything out of myself. And music, that was such a wonderful memory. I wish to God I could be that excited about something again.
I picked up Toniça at Roy Roger’s along about 1am. I was in a pretty good mood. I called her Mom and said we were going out for a hot fudge sundae. Then we dropped off her co-worker Traci and proceeded on to my apartment, where, with little hesitation we made love, she got on top (1 var) and then me where we finished. It felt great as usual. I guess we both just don’t like having to worry about her mother. When we got back it seemed that perhaps her Mom didn’t believe me, but she let me sleep over so I could wake up in time for work at 7 am. I’m feeling better finally about Fred/Jane. Mrs. Eastling and Toniça are the only people who could incriminate me.

September 24th, 1978
(S)(F)
Sunday – Today was great at work. Everything is starting to go smoother down there again. I picked up Toniça at work tonight, and after a brief stop at my apartment I took her home. He Mom is getting upset lately and it’s kind of a drag. I don’t want a repeat of Mrs. Trufant. Clymer is beginning to sort of exasperate me. I don’t mind him taking his time, but this is getting a little ridiculous. I’m changing my goals to make them more realistic. Ok here goes: Personal assets of $10 million, $1 million liquidable, $500,000 yearly salary. Own a Chateau in Bavaria, a beautiful Southern plantation house, penthouse apartments in SF, LA, NY, London, Paris and Tokyo. Own a Lear jet, a 65-foot ocean going yacht, a navy blue Jaguar XKE 1505, and a navy blue Cadillac Brougham Elegance, navy blue MG and a white Rolls Royce, to travel to virtually every country in the world, own a highly successful record company, I write highly successful musical productions and popular songs, and then a number of other personality traits. I’m still working on it.

September 25th, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
Monday – Today started out shitty and got great by the time it was over. The only reason it was shitty was because I was worried about Toniça’s Mom turning me in but now I finally figured that I’m just going to try to be as cool as a jewel and going to try to play this out to the end and have as good a time as I can. I still want very badly to do something great in my life, but I’m happy now just being here and living a relatively simple existence. Today Toniça and I came as close to fighting as we ever have before, but it turned out OK when we went to my apartment and made sweet love to each other. It was great, really great. I love feeling her breasts hang down on me when she’s on top. I’m going to open an account at Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner and Smith tomorrow and I’m gonna begin investing in securities. You know, it’s pretty great having the security of my own apartment. Tom and I are getting along great. I love Toniça a lot.
Tom and I were talking today about going to New York. It is beginning to occur to me that all is not lost in the dream that I once had. When we left home on July 10th, 1977 I drew a map of our expected journey. First we were to go to Canada, which we did, then to Miami, which we did – as small as it may seem, in both places we achieved some success – next we were to go to New York. We never quite made it there – yet. I think that it all may happen yet. Tom seems to think that it is a good idea to go to New York. Tom and I – left in New Orleans. We’ve come this far. Can we go any farther? If we went to New York, at least I would feel that we’d be making another step in the master plan. Will Jeff Clymer join us? What will happen? I’ve stopped wanting to quit – I want to continue. Maybe we’ll stay here til Toniça’s 18 – in July 1980 and then go live in New York. That would be great. I’m starting to feel excited by it all again.

September 26th, 1978
(F)(E)
(1.5/1424)
Tuesday – Today I invested $50 in the stock market buying approximately 3.9 shares of Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company. I also deposited $50 in the bank, opening an account at Jefferson Bank. This is great because I can now send a check for whatever amount to Merrill Lynch and it will buy the appropriate amount of shares. It is called the Sharebuilders Plan.
In the afternoon I went over to Toniça’s. Sally, Jane’s sister is in her journalism class, and Toniça told Sally that she’s going around with me. Apparently at this point Sally told Toniça quite a few things – Jane and I were supposed to get married … which of course was never true but so said Jane… now she’s supposed to be marrying Bobby because he’s rich. On an important level Sally told Toniça that Fred supposedly has signed with a group back in California that has a hit single. Knowing Fred and how he tends to exaggerate and what with the compounded exaggerations of the grapevine, this is probably quite far form the truth, but nevertheless it has stirred my blood, and Tom’s.

September 28th, 1978
(S)(L)(F)
Thursday – I decided I’ve boiled down my goals to 2 things – you will see if I am reciting them every morning and night by the 1212 in the lower corner of each page. They are happiness and money. More precisely –
1) I have personally owned assets of one billion dollars. I have a personal supply of $100 million all of which I can gather within 72 hours to my disposal. I have an annual income of exactly $50 million, which is paid on a monthly basis
2) I am the happiest man on earth. I am one of the world’s most popular men. I am free.

These I’ll say out loud and visualize which will take all of but 40 seconds each morning and night.
Picked up Toniça. We went to UNO then back to my apartment. Making love was exquisite today. Her mother isn’t even talking to me anymore. I’m scared shitless and wondering if it’s all worth it. I’d give anything to be in New York City living with my friends and Lynn. I wish Toniça was 18, it would solve everything. Her Mom wouldn’t even let me in tonight. I’m lonely and miss her.

September 29th, 1978
(L)
Friday – I spent the entire day in total fear of Toniça’s Mom calling the cops on me. I even thought at one point that she did do it. Boy, it was a harrowing day. Alex at work talked to Judge Trent who said I had nothing to worry about as long as I didn’t get her pregnant. Toniça’s Mom was being miserable tonight, but I was so beside myself with the injustice of it all that I held my ground – finally we had a talk. When the girls left to get something to eat Mrs. Eastling and I had a talk. We talked about –
1) Marriage – I said I would consider marrying Toniça only after knowing her for 2 years.
2) Sex- she asked me how often I had sex - I said “none with your daughter…” And then I tried to lead her to believe that I had girls on the side and I was embarrassed about it
3) The police – she says she
a) Never thought about it
b) She wouldn’t call the cops on me
c) She’d try to handle things on a personal level d) I worry too much
4) T and I going to my apartment – she said she knew we did and basically it was OK. So everything is back to normal. During the worst Moment this evening I conceived a plan of going to New York City on Monday morning to get away and though uncertain I guess I’d stay here awhile.

September 30th, 1978
(A)
Saturday – Today I felt great. I guess partially as a relief of my worrying yesterday and partially because things are going great in my life. I’ve got a pretty girlfriend who loves me and soon will be living with my 2 best friends, my room’s comfortable, my job’s easy and a big future. Let’s examine that future – what’s gonna happen and what should I do? I still feel I’m in a dilemma because I don’t want to take any chances on having trouble over the law and Toniça. There are basically 3 choices –
1) Marry her
2) Leave
3) Put up with the fear of being arrested and enjoy myself. I guess a forth decision is to
4) Tell Mrs. Eastling and ask for a special protection or search out a lawyer who can help me.

Re: Possibility 2) I’ve discussed with Hock who (naturally) thinks it’s a good idea. We could all go to New York. (And then it hits me – I’m always running away from things – I wish for once I would stand up and fight for myself – instead of getting pushed around. Life could be wonderful here if I could only solve this one problem.) Toniça and I almost got in a fight cause I’m annoyed – the situation – we couldn’t have sex tonight.

October 1st, 1978
(F)(S)(L)(S)
Sunday – I awoke late for work. Surprised I didn’t get fired. Dyna/Pysche™ back in full swing a few days ago. Didn’t want to live without it. It makes me sleep well at night despite my unusual goals in life. Got home, sunned, slept, read a financial book. I did a silent treatment – 1 am. I awoke out of it in a completely different frame of mind. I am so sick inwardly of being a human worker drone. I feel I’m in a complicated maze that keeps one from living. Now I am a god, powerful in my knowledge through my perception of the world. I am a God of Earth.
I picked up Toniça from work around 11 pm and we went to my apartment. Then we made love and it was exquisite. She got on top after awhile, then me again on top. It felt so great making love to her because we love each other so much. I took her home at 12 and everything seemed ok. Her household was happy and everything seemed friendly, but I don’t trust the situation in the slightest. When I came back home Tom and Milton were there. We talked til 3 am. Milton left and Tom and I went to Denny’s where I splurged. I had a combo burger, fries, salad and a hot fudge sundae – it was $4.62 with Tom’s coffee. Then we went back to the apartment and slept.
At 6 am Tom came in my room and woke me up. I reluctantly and half asleep crawled out of my bed and into the van outside. When I arrived at the airport I waited until I caught Jeff’s eye and then I dodged his glance time and time again. Standing on the curb with his bags he emitted the God-call-oh! OHHH! – he’s funny.
I snuck by him and got the van and pulled it around. He got in. We drove to the apartment, chatting all the while, and then we arrived. He woke Tom up and we had a meeting, in which I explained alternate plan I – which is a trip to New York City. We talked and concluded we’d work on the music and I issued Clymer a warning of how difficult his job was going to be. Tom went to bed. Jeff and I talked for an hour or so, in which I explained entirely, so he would know, my position with Toniça, her mother, and the law. Then we talked in general and then I went to bed.

October 2nd, 1978
(L)(S)
Monday – Living things on earth evolved billions of years ago from ammonia and other basic accidents. In tests done from amino acids, the building blocks of essential to life. All objects, trees, bushes, rocks form as much “life potential” as living things. To a God’s way of thinking all things are alive.
I awoke at around 3:30 pm and I knew that Toniça was going to be over soon. I was just about to wake up Clymer when I thought I would be better to wait. Toniça came by, went in, I woke up and talked to Jeff. Then she came in my room. Then Clymer left to eat at Pasquale’s. Toniça and I talked and lay on my bed. I had only my bathrobe on. She touched me (I asked her to) and shortly after, we were in bed. We made love in the happiest way. It was great. I swear it never felt so good in my whole life. It was pure pleasure. She got on top of me for a while and then I got on top again and pulled out just as I came, I think missing a little. (She started taking her blue pills again yesterday). Just then Jeff and Tom came in. What timing. We put on our clothes. We had been making love for maybe 30 minutes or 25. It was absolutely the best feeling I’ve ever had.
Well, Jeff, Tom and I & Toniça (who was at her cutest) – we talked with each other. Then we went swimming, Toniça watching. We went upstairs. Jeff made it known, much to my increased happiness, that he thought Toniça was pretty. “She’s a babe! I’d say she was the best you’ve ever gone out with.” Toniça kept kissing his forehead and touching him, just being cute, and Jeff told me. “I won’t let her do that anymore. It’s getting me so god-damned horny!… If only she weighed 60 lbs more or had zits on her face!”
We all dressed and walked outside. Toniça’s Mom came behind us and I introduced Jeff to her, etc. We walked them home and then, I was saying goodbye to Toniça when those guys were getting impatient. Finally, when Toniça grabbed Tom’s hand saying “Come see Teel’s egg (her bird laid an egg), Tom was noticeably annoyed and I told them to go ahead without me, to save them the obvious trouble of waiting. They left and I said goodbye to Toniça.
I finally caught up with them at Wendy’s Hamburger’s. I apologized to Tom for snapping and he returned the apology. We sat down and I told Jeff I was sorry I kept him waiting. He said, “What were you doing in there anyway?” I hesitated answering, he repeated, and I felt he was becoming rude to me so I replied, “Let me answer you with another question… what were you doing in California for the last 3 months?” He became noticeably ruder, saying comments to hurt me. I told him, point blank, that he’d better not try pushing me around, ‘cause it wasn’t going to work. He even admitted to Tom and me that he was an asshole, at which Tom appeared distressed and confused.
Instead of going to the French Quarter I went back to Toniça’s. We were jubilant to see each other. Her Mom and I got along well. I left around 11 pm, happy I had gone back to see her. I love her so much. I never was happier to be with someone. I went home, tried to read and fell asleep. Jeff and Tom came and went.

October 3rd, 1978
(L)(E)
(2/1426)
Tuesday – Life has taken a turn for the better since Clymer came here: a recount of the day. Awoke, went with Jeff to telephone company, where we got our phone without any deposit because Jeff had previous phone service in California. Went shopping, etc.
Toniça came by at 4:30 as scheduled. We went to my bedroom at 5pm and left it at 6:30 pm after making love 2 x’s with 2 variations. The first time was apprehensive and I went down on her. The second time was strong and beautiful. During the first time she got on top.
I took her home, returned and played Hopeless Romantic songs for Clymer, numbers 1-36 & 120-127. We’re going to go through all. Returned to Toniça’s to watch the end of the movie “Carrie” – retuned to apartment and finished our first session of review of H.R. songs.
As I went to sleep I remembered that Toniça had forgotten to take her pill so I put it in my pocket, raced over there, knocked. Asked her Mom if I could borrow some money cause I ran out of gas and I went into Toniça’s room and she took the pill. It was after 1 am and her Mom asked me what I was doing out so late – then she thought I had been getting laid and she laughed.

October 22nd, 1978
(A)(S)(F)
Sunday – After an exhausting day at the Maison Duprey, I, being exhausted due to lack of sleep, came home and slept. At 7 or so Toniça called, Milton came in on the other line and then Cappa came in on the other line. I hung up on Toniça and Milton and I talked to Cappa about going to South America. Toniça would surely kill me if she read this. I made Gary think I probably wasn’t coming but I might. I talked to my Dad after a boring evening with Toniça and her mother. I told Dad about South America and other stuff. I admitted to him that I’m not mature enough to settle down and do anything right now – it’s not fair to others to keep them hanging on.
So – A PROCLAMATION – nothing will stop me from going, hail, sleet, snow, the law or people, to South America early next year. I am already there in mind. I will leave New Orleans shortly after Mardi Gras. I will leave for South America on February 20th, 1979. I [will] have $3000, a pack with nine full changes of clothes, down jacket and down sleeping bag. If Cappa wants to come along great. If not I’m going alone.

October 23rd, 1978
(F)(L)
Monday – I worked another 13 ½ hours today – my hands are all cut up. I feel great!! It’s neat to work. Good news. I should be making $500 a week at Avondale Shipyard’s as a sand blaster within the next week. I plan to stick with this job until January 22nd, 1979 and longer if the money is so good. I can’t resist.
I picked up Toniça from work tonight. We came to my apartment. We made love 2x’s. You could not imagine how nice she is being to me. It is, simply, incredible! She is probably overjoyed that I granted her request to buy her a “promise” ring with our initials on it for Christmas. She’s buying me a jacket, I think. She paid me back another $12.50 tonight that she owes me. It’s been a very long and exciting day. I’ve got to get up in 4 hours, but I don’t mind because I’ll be making more money tomorrow!!

October 24th, 1978
(L)(A)
Tuesday – Bad love. Tired. Pent-up. A very strange event today. Working all day with a 6’9” worker we call Samson. Went home and when I brought Toniça over I barely had sex drive. I mean we made love and all but it was not the slow soft sensuous way one is supposed to make love. I wonder. I figured it was due to my physical state of fatigue and hunger at that time. I marked a 4 up in the corner – this signifies that on a scale of 1-10 I will rate how our sex is. Is it great 8 or unsurpassed 10 – or terrible 2, awful 3, uncomfortable 4! Each day I’ll include this number.
This job is getting me tired. If I don’t talk about South America don’t think it is because I have forgotten it – but the trip to South America lies dormant in my mind till January 23, 1979.

October 25th, 1978
(L)
Wednesday – Great day. Incredible love, Toniça goes down on me – felt fabulous. Saw Blue Mercedes right before I fell asleep. We got a lot of work done today. When Toniça and I made love this evening it was delightful in the utmost. One could barely imagine the scene. She had asked me a few days ago to tell her how I felt when we made love. I told her tonight. This is how I feel. “Love like this tonight is timeless, a garden of a paradise, it is to me like we are the only people on earth. Nothing else matters, only you and me. I love you so much. The feelings going through me are exquisite…” She responded “I love feeling you inside me and it makes me want to feel you in there more and more.” So I put myself in more and more again and again til I came – each holding the other very tight. Beautiful.

October 26th, 1978
(E)(F)
(.5/1430)
Thursday – The state of affairs today is good, bad and indifferent. A recap of affairs. Today we got up at 4 am!!! We pretty much completed the job that we are working on. Unfortunately Clymer took off on another job, leaving Hock and I back at the shop early with nothing to do but suffer til 9 pm in our duty clothes. An immediate jump in morale took place as I unleashed my guitar and we sang a few songs. I was sick today and miserable in my fever. At 11 pm I went and saw Toniça. She is the ultimate delight in femininity. She’s so cute it kills. And she declares she’s all mine and is the most devoted, loving, affection loving, cute, lively, loveable girl I’ve ever had the delight of being loved by. I even got to be foreman for a while today. Quit job at hotel.

October 27th, 1978
(F)(L)
Friday – I am sick with a fever and a cold. Clymer works us pretty hard. You know, it really psyched us up the other night when we sang a few songs on the way home. I got a paycheck for $178 for 4 days work at Del Petro. We were all in real high spirits and jovial on our ride back. Between the 3 of us we had between 5 and 6 hundred dollars. Now the trick is going to be saving it. We have lowered our goal to $3000 down from $5000. Toniça and I made love 2x’s tonight. She is a real darling girl. I’m glad that Jeff said she’s cute. It makes me feel good.

October 28th, 1978
(L)(A)(E)
Saturday – Today it was up again at 5 am and off to work. We didn’t get home til about 10 to 8pm. Tom went out and bought a few big porterhouse steaks for us so we had a great big dinner. Afterwards Toniça and I went to bed. She goes down on me great! – just like an expert! And then I went down on her and then together. It was nice. We made love in 2 positions but I didn’t come. I fell asleep and so did she. She told me that I make her cum at times. It sounds as if it is a fairly common thing for her to cum when we are making love. I took her home late and didn’t get to sleep til late. Although going to South America is still on the planning board, I am definitely psyched up for staying here and making a recording.

October 29th, 1978
(F)(L)
Sunday – At the closing of today I feel good but a little tired. Telephone bill is paid and so is the rent. After I cash my check from Maison Duprey I’ll have about $20 spending money for the week and I paid Hock back the $75 I owed him. So in 1 week at work I took care of a lot of bills. Next week I will hopefully be able to send my entire check to my grandma. Toniça and I had a wonderful lovemaking session in my room, after doing chores. She’s a sweet girl. I was a bit crabby tonight and she was being a baby sort of. Toniça’s Mom loves me now that I got this job. She refers to me as “our Jeff” and I think that it is safe to say that she wants to have me marry Toniça and she thinks it likely to happen.

October 30th, 1978
(F)(L)
Monday – Today closes with promises of a fine tomorrow. At 3pm they pulled Jeff and I off of the GATX job to go to Croondale. We’ll either be sand blasting or water blasting tomorrow. I got home and I picked up Toniça. While I cleaned my teeth Jeff and her we’re acting like little kids; ended up chasing each other around.
Toniça and I finally got to bed. I got frustrated cause she didn’t get in bed til 10pm. I had a word or 2 with her, which I didn’t mean to do and she was sweet throughout. I told her that I didn’t want to marry her although I would love to stay with her, live with her, and take care of her. She said she didn’t want to marry either, but would love to know me and be with me. Then, upon my request, she began licking my penis and I her vagina and then we made love. She does that so well!!

October 31st, 1978
(F)(L)
Tuesday – Jeff and I started sandblasting today. It was backbreaking work, let me tell you! I am so tired and worn out I can’t believe it. Our hours are from 7 am to 5 pm at the Avondale Shipyards in Louisiana. Man, and we only did it for a few hours. This week I’ve got 70 hours work in. Tomorrow starts a new payroll. I picked up Toniça tonight from work and we went to my apartment where we had a fantastic, fantabulously sensuous session of lovemaking. We made love 2x with 1 variation. It was so sexy! She was in a great mood and when she was on top of me she said, “I’m coming” so I moved around to help her. She came and then I got on top and started coming and I said, “I’m coming” and I had a real nice orgasm. This is the 1st time a girl has ever told me outright that she is having an orgasm.

November 1st, 1978
(F)(L)
Wednesday – Boy, I worked hard today. I have barely got time to write in this journal. Jeff and I took the van to work – we had problems and showed up 1 hour late. I hope to God I get to stay on at Avondale. I am so lucky that I got on there in the 1st place. If I can just squeeze by for a while. I hope everything goes ok. I made love tonight with Toniça. I kissed her “down there.” She looks pretty foxy. Her hair’s growing long and she looks and acts real cute. If I could stay on at Avondale I could make a lot of money. I don’t think I’ll have the heart to go to South America in February – what with Toniça, my friends and my music here, I don’t think I could do it. I sure hope everything goes OK. I work good to keep my job and make a lot of money. I’m proud of Toniça. I think she’s real pretty. She’s the one girl I never ask my friend’s opinions on cause I know.

November 2nd, 1978
(F)(L)(A)
Thursday – I worked at Avondale again today. It is getting easier. Got off and went shopping and stuff. Toniça and I had a luscious lovemaking session tonight. She kept on lounging around after we were supposed to go so we made love again and then got up. Again tonight she told me when she was coming. After I got on top and told her when I was coming. She asked me if I could feel it when she came. I told her that next time she starts to come I’ll try to come too so we can have an orgasm at the same time. Poor Tom is working at Nosi. It is a real raunchy job. I hope he can come out to Avondale with us, he’s a nice guy. I would still like to go to my South America but the intrigue of my plan to go to New York with Jeff and Tom next summer sounds to great to pass it up. We’ll see what happens.

November 3rd, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
(1/1431)
Friday – Today it was up again and to work. I think I did well but I don’t want to get over confident about it. Lunch is at 12:30 pm and at that time I devour my sandwiches and wash it down with a few Pepsi’s. We got paid today. I got $234.81, which I mailed to Gammy. Now I owe her only $165.19. Hopefully in a week I’ll be fully out of debt and I’ll be able to start saving money. I picked up Toniça. She is so darn loveable and easy to get along with. How can I help but be in love with her? She took her measurements at school. She’s 5’2” tall, weighs 102lbs. Her bust is 35”, waist 25” and hips 35”. She’s darling. Well, we went to bed and made love. I went down on her and she went down on me. It was rather nice! Very intense. Then we made love and slept for a while until about 1:20 am. I brought her home. Jeff, Tom and I reviewed some more songs tonight. He gave Romance the lowest rating yet.

November 4th, 1978
(A)(F)(L)
Saturday – I can see that it will be no problem thinking up an excuse to leave for South America if I wanted to. Everyone would understand that Clymer is unbearable to be around. The other night he got so out of hand that when I returned he asked me to slap him in the face. So I did, cause he insisted. He’s the biggest baby. He wasn’t even this bad when he was a teenager. We got off of work early today at noon. I came home and worked around the apartment all day. At 9 pm. I picked up Toniça and we went to my apartment. When we finally got into bed it was beautiful. She went down on me and then we made love. Shortly after she got on top she came. I came when I got on top of her. She said that some nights she comes two times. I love her a lot, and though I don’t ever want to marry, I would marry her if she wanted, because she means so much to me. At times I am reliving great old times with my friends and at other times when they act immature I feel I’ve outgrown them.

November 5th, 1978
(A)(L)
Sunday – I’m writing this on a Sunday night. I am expectant about the future. I really want to go to South America. Let us look at the various possibilities. If I go to South America it will be for sure. It will be a goal in itself. If I go to New York I may never benefit from it.
Toniça and I made love today. We did it kind of quickly (15 minutes) cause we had to go. I spent a really enjoyable evening with her. On my walk home I was thinking about freedom and such. Do you know that as soon as I get out of debt and start saving more money that I will probably be more inclined than ever to go. With this year as the year for finance I can say that although I haven’t made any money this year, I still have learned a lot about it. If Jeff were more sociable I’d have loved to go to New York.

November 6th, 1978
(L)(A)
Monday – Clymer is talking about turning over a new leaf and is going to be more agreeable but I don’t believe it. Just when you think the guy is alright he does something unsociable. He’s so resentful of everything. Makes me really wonder why he or Tom are my friends. All my life my “friends” have been fucked to me – I guess a reflection of my own personality.
Now with Toniça I know what it is like to have a real friend – someone who’ll care and really want to help you. My friends and I treat each other like shit. I like those guys. I wish it wasn’t like this. I contribute to the problem. Worked today doing pipe from 7 to 5 pm. Made love to Toniça after she got off work. What to do? I’d love to go to South America in February with Gary. Maybe him and I have matured and would get along.

November 7th, 1978
(S)(F)(L)(A)
Tuesday – Is it important to have your life planned? Well, if it is then right now I am in a predicament because I’ve got many choices and no decision. Look, first of all I am in love up to my ears. Toniça is the personality kid and a real cute one. She probably wants to marry me. 2nd I want to go to South America in February, 3rd Tom and Jeff are depending on me to go to New York in June next year, 4th I’m supposed to start school January 22nd. I’m really bummed out that Clymer is turning out to be such an asshole and a moody one too. I’d like to go to New York but I can’t stand him. Some of the things he says are downright mean. Toniça said, “He’s not really a friend.” She’s right. Worked today from 7 to 4, got 53 hours for next week’s pay. Toniça and I made warm, beautiful love tonight (1 var).

November 8th, 1978
(F)(L)(S)(E)(A)
(1.5/1432.5)
Wednesday – We got a raise to $5 an hour today. It made me real happy. In fact, by the end of the day things that had transpired were great. In all respect to her loveliness, Toniça first. Our lovemaking was sensational tonight. Everything was warm, lively and sweet. That’s how it is with her. Those words describe it very well – what it is like making love to Toniça. Well, Jeff, Tom and I went over songs tonight and I called, as the president, an official meeting of Power. That’s the name of our organization. We completed our songs and in general had a pep talk. Bulldozing Clymer seems to be most effective.
I woke up this morning sure I was leaving for South American in February and went to bed sure I am gonna keep on and go to New York with the guys. It will be the best way to handle my situation financially, musically and with Toniça. She’d be awful hurt if I left for South America.

November 9th, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
Thursday – Tom got a job working alongside us today. He’ll start tomorrow sandblasting at Avondale. The spirit of the troops seems to be on the rise. Every time Clymer gets out of hand I bulldoze over him and iron out the problem.
Picked up Toniça from work. I was real tired. I asked her again for the hundredth time and she said yes and we got under the covers and made sweet love. Me and the guys had a big dinner of pork chops. Then we sat around and made a condensed list of our songs. This was before I picked up Toniça. Surprisingly Jeff gave all my own latest songs a very high rating. Tom was kind of upset because my lyrics were more accepted than his. Some day he’ll have to face that mine are much better. After all, I’m smarter!! Good day.

November 10th, 1978
(F)(L)(A)
Tuesday – Another day, another job. But after work I worked up Jeff’s recipe for Beef Stroganoff and it was pretty good. Toniça liked it. Toniça and I spent almost the entire evening in bed together sleeping. We made love once. I was very tired this evening – result of inadequate sleep. More every day I am getting excited over the prospects of a month vacation in the islands. Perhaps I can have the best of both worlds. Jeff has helped me regain my personal freedom that I have been losing. Now that I am not afraid to argue with him when it is necessary he seems more willing to be reasonable. Work is a blast. We get to do everything together. I got paid today. I sent $165.19 home to my Gram. I am out of debt!!!!

November 11th, 1978
(F)(S)(L)
Saturday – Work is getting easier everyday. The fact that I must work everyday resigns me to such a regular schedule that my body and mind seem very willing to adapt. Besides work my life is getting more and more wonderful and exciting everyday. A plan so perfect is developing that I am becoming more confident everyday. I am becoming happier with every passing day. Jeff centers around my happiness. Out of the confusion of his arrival is growing a friendship so bound and determined I am sure few have experience it.
In general, work til April, record, take $500 each and take a Caribbean vacation, then to New York to sell our tape. Tonight I took my beloved Toniça to see “The Ritz” on her request. We made love before we went to the show.

November 12th, 1978
(L)(F)(E)
Sunday – I’m having a sort of race to see if I can make love more times this year than any other year. I am now at 201 and have 49 more days to make love 40 more times.
Jeff and I had a very easy and fun time at work today in the condo – which is a self-propelled sky climber. It is a blast. We were supposed to return for the night shift but we overslept until tomorrow morning. When we got off today we talked and I cleaned the entire apartment, etc. Toniça cooked me a spaghetti dinner. So far this week I have 42 ½ hours. I have about $1650 in my bank accounts. When the guys and I go over songs it fills us with an excitement for our cause. Jeff and I talked about the possibilities of mishaps along the way.

November 13th, 1978
(F)(L)
Monday – Surprisingly, the next thing I remembered Jeff was waking me up, telling me it was time to go to work – only both of us had slept straight through last night. It was 5:30am. We worked from 7-3 pm today. After a rather tedious day, compounded with rotten meat I couldn’t eat on my lunch and the fact they split Jeff and I up for the first time, we drove home. I went to Toniça’s and gave their neighbor Colin my application for a job being a carpenter’s helper 12 hours a day 7 days a week for $6.85 an hour. That would be a gross income of $767 a week!!! I took Toniça to work walking and then took her Mom to her husband’s chiropractic clinic to get an “adjustment.” I lied to her on the way back about what a good girl her daughter was and it seemed to put her at ease. I picked up Toniça and we sweetly made love quickly ‘cause her Mom stayed home tonight.

November 14th, 1978
(F)(A)(L)
Tuesday – Today was a real blast. That dear Jeff of the future, is a play on words. The day started off great. Everything was just Jim Dandy. At work we were told to pull off the hoses off a pot. When I un-wrenched the hoses I got blasted in the legs and my eyes got blasted. I went to first aid and they cleansed my eyes and then forced me to go the hospital with a company representative. There, a doctor dilated my eyes and put a patch over my right eye. I was dizzy and could hardly see. When I got home Toniça called. She was such a sweetheart. She brought me some food before work and some Pepsi after work and she made love to me. She was such a sweetheart!! Her family asked me to spend the night at her house so I stayed in one of the beds.

November 15th, 1978
(A)(L)(E)
Wednesday – I woke up at Toniça’s house. It was a strange feeling being there. I couldn’t see that well today and it was beginning to worry me. Toniça stayed home from school today so that she could go to the doctor’s with me. We went to my apartment about 10 am and we made love 2x’s and she went down on me a little bit. Franja gave us a ride downtown and we all went into the doctor’s office. He gave me a note saying I could go back to work in the morning. My eyes were blurred but the doctor said that the dilate would wear off in a few days. Toniça took me and Franja out to lunch and then we went to my apartment but Toniça had to go. I wrote 2 songs; Be Ready and Men At Ease. Jeff and Tom didn’t get home until late. I picked up Toniça and I brought her home after a quick stop at the apartment.

November 16th, 1978
(F)(L)
Thursday – Today I went back to work. We got off at 3 pm. Jeff and I got home and took showers (he took a bath) and then we picked up Toniça. We saw Colin as we were pulling into Toniça’s parking lot. He said he’ll find out tonight if he can get me a job for $6.85 an hour. Toniça, Jeff and I went shopping at Aucoin Hart jewelers. There was a girl with a gorgeous body there – Jeff wanted to ask her out – so did I!!! Shame! Well, I found Toniça’s Christmas present – a promise ring she wants.
I had lamb chops for dinner. We made love and fell asleep til 11:30 pm. It was a marvelous feeling. I was on bottom and she was about to come so I let loose and I came about 10 seconds before she did. It was the first time I remember ever having a simultaneous orgasm with a lover. I took her home and I helped her with her term paper until 12:30 am.

November 17th, 1978
(L)
Friday – We got to work and the rain came a tumblin’ down – we were sent home for the whole weekend. It was a bad day because Jeff and I weren’t getting along well at all. Toniça and I, however, get along so perfectly, so constantly, I have no one to thank but God himself. What a sexual experience we had tonight! She served and cooked my dinner. I was lying down afterward and we were feeling close and all. We undressed and I asked if she was clean down there. I went down on her and stayed there for around 25-30 minutes. Meanwhile she took off my shorts and licked my penis. I put my legs around her head. She sucked the tip of my dick for about the first time. She said she liked it and wanted to do it til I came sometime. I want to do it to her til she comes, so I can learn how. Then we made love. It was stupendous. We fell asleep til 4 am and we just beat her Mom coming in.

November 18th, 1978
(E)(F)(L)
(1/1433.5)
Saturday – Today we bought a tape recorder – something that the group needed for a long time. Randy from the hotel sold us his for $200. I also put a down payment down on Toniça’s ring. At least we’re utilizing our time wisely. We began recording with I Think I’ll Be a Spy and when I was with Toniça tonight Tom and Jeff recorded Cherry Tops – Tom’s song. Toniça looked stunning tonight. I took her to her Mom’s place of work 809 Chris Owen’s Club. It’s supposed to be $7.50 each but we got in free. I had an Irish Coffee but I didn’t feel anything. When we got back we went to bed and I went down on her. I took her home and put her to bed around 2:10 am, as far as I recall. The night is a little vague in my memory. But I do remember that Toniça looked sensational. I think I am tired of sleeping – I think I will become one of those people who likes to be awake a lot.

November 19th, 1978
(E)(L)
(4/1437.5)
Sunday – We recorded most of the day or should I say “I recorded” because Tom mostly sat around and watched. I play guitar, bass and sing harmonies better than him. He’s really more of a bother than a help and I wish I could be independent of him musically. Toniça was acting like a baby tonight. She is all of a sudden worried that she’ll get pregnant. I don’t want to discount a woman’s intuition so I pulled out when I came tonight. In the evening I recorded, If You and I Were Called We. I really liked the way it sounded. I played a real nice bass line to it right off of the top of my head. Well, I got to go to work tomorrow. I’m not going to make much money this week, but I’m out of debt, got money in the bank and bills paid, plus equipment.

November 20th, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
(.5/1438)
Monday – Today was shit at work. Water and crap were coming out of the end of the hose and sandblasting was almost useless. Well, this week I surely won’t earn much money. Even if I work all day tomorrow I’ll have only 25 ½ hours for the week. That means I’m supposed to bring home around $95. If Colin could get me that job I could make so much money. I’m ignoring the most important event of the day. Jeff and I got to talking and decided that we’re going to kick Tom out – fire him – because in Jeff’s own words, “his voice is the shits and he can’t play the bass good enough.” We decided we won’t tell him for some time. Sad to say, it’s what I really want. Tom has become a burden – and at this point in my life it’s success that counts to me. Made love to Toniça – was very sleepy.

November 21st, 1978
(L)(E)
Tuesday – Today was an easy day at work. We got off and drove to the library after showering. I slept in the car. When we got home I went to Winn Dixie with my gift certificate. I picked up Toniça at 9 pm. She cooked my dinner and then we went to bed and made love. Her period started yesterday. Everything is going fine. I am a little bummed out about our decision to kick out Hock but still see it as a necessary move if we’re to get realistic and serious about this whole thing. I found out tonight that Jeff busted my amplifier last night. I now recall telling him not to fool with the equalizer the first time he used it. I offered to pay half – and short of a tantrum he readily accepted it. I wonder if Clymer has some ulterior motive for wanting Hock out.

November 22nd, 1978
(F)(E)(S)
Wednesday – Worked eight hours at Avondale in the morning. Came home. Brought my amplifier down and had it checked in and then Jeff and I went to the library. I decided I wanted Tom out of the group but that Jeff could tell him what and when he wanted. I went over to Toniça’s and she cooked Thanksgiving dinner while I fell asleep on the couch. I slept in Renada’s bed. You know I am getting awfully deeply into the home life here. When I think back on the excitement that I have been experiencing through the use of Dyna/Pysch™ and my lifestyle and compare it to the drudgery of ordinary existence, it makes me want to re-kindle the spirit I’ve had over the last few years. I’ve been missing my goals lately at times, and I think it might be time for a re—reading of Dyna/Psych™.

November 23rd, 1978
(L)
Thursday – Thanksgiving – I woke up about 10 am – Toniça sleeping next to me. I believe that ever since Toniça’s Mom has seen everyone cool off and even be proud of her family for having me around – ever since then she has treated me with more respect. Toniça and I returned the car to Jeff and walked back. Thanksgiving dinner was OK but nothing spectacular like I’m used to at my house. We kind of lounged around for quite awhile at her house. When her Momma went to work we went back to my apartment. We made love. She has an orgasm about 70% of the time we make love. It makes me feel good that I can help her have an orgasm, but I don’t really know how important it is in the light of the act of love itself. She fixed me a lunch from the turkey leftovers and then Jeff and I went to Avondale to do the night shift at work.

November 24th, 1978
(F)(E)(S)(L)
Friday – We got off this morning and discovered that we’re been cut to a 40-hour workweek. Well! That foils our plans because we’ll only be taking home about $150 per week. A lot of things are happening:
1) We were supposed to kick Tom out of the group, but Jeff decided against it.
2) I gave Jeff full authority to do with the group what he wants.
3) I am getting antsy to move on and get out of this place before I am encumbered by mediocrity or tragedy forever.
My spirit has slept. Now it must rise. I took a Moment today to look back on how it was at the beginning of the year and it re-instilled my spirit and desires. I picked up Toniça at 9 pm. She looked awfully pretty. We went to my apartment and lounged around for a few hours, 10 til 2 making love 2 times. We came at the same time the first time. I lost Tom’s keys so I slept on the floor at Toniça’s house.

November 25th, 1978
(F)(S)(A)
Saturday – I spent a good part of the day overcoming the problem of losing Tom’s key. In the evening a locksmith who had one some work at the Maison Dupery one day came and fixed it for $30. Toniça treated me to eat at the Ground Pati, then we went to her apartment and I fell asleep on the couch. I went home about 2:20 am. The A at the top of the page designates that I have not been reciting my goals – I have stopped reciting them in an effort to analyze why I haven’t been more successful in achieving them. I want to re-read Lazy Man’s Way to Riches. I may lower my goals or forget the whole thing. I’ve been doing it for 4 ½ years and I’m still pretty far from being rich! I wrote and mailed a letter to Gary (and Lenora) today asking him if he would mind me coming to South America with him. Oh diary, I am so lost!!! Instead of looking forward to riches – I am living in fear of jail or disappointing my friends and loved ones, but I want out.

November 26th, 1978
(S)(L)
Sunday – Dear diary, no kidding when I stopped using my goals, my problems started. Now I remember why I had to begin using them. I am a great worrier and without the visualizing of pleasant goals in my mind’s eye, I simply begin or at least begin to believe that I am falling apart.
Today I picked up Toniça. We went to my apartment. We made love with 1 var. She made me a salad and we gathered up all my clothes to be washed. We took them to her house and I stayed there until I went to work. I talked to her again about the possibility of my leaving. I hope I can keep that kind of a mood to a minimum because all it will do is make her sad and that is not a good to do because she is such a sweet girl – plus it maximizes the problems I already have.

November 27th, 1978
(S)(L)(A)
Monday – Today was the day that has convinced me to start using my goals again. Counting from midnight… Jeff and I went to work. Warren, our foreman, took us to a pool hall for 1-½ hours and then we left. Jeff and I went home and slept. When we got up Tom was home. From about 11 to 3:30 we argued. It all started because Jeff took the car away from me. I ended up telling Tom all about us trying to kick him out. It was a madhouse. With my goals, before, I was the only one of the three of us with a positive direction.
I went over to Toniça’s and her mother and her said Jeff and company were crazy. I went back for more arguing and then everything fell apart. Toniça and I made love after work. Jeff and I went out to Avondale but nobody besides us from Del Petro showed up. We talked for over an hour then drove home. Jeff doesn’t like me. Well, tomorrow is day 1. I’m starting to recite my goals properly day and night – the original ones.

November 28th, 1978
(S)(F)(E)(L)
Tuesday – This morning I started my goals once again. I figured I’d start myself out on a clean slate. Things went a lot better today. Diary, I hope no one ever finds you. I feel as if there is a lot of stuff in here, which is regarded as disgusting, immoral and illegal. We didn’t work today. My check this week is going to be awfully small. I’m not happy at all! Jeff and I put in our applications as painters at the Shell Refinery and then ran around getting a microphone battery and tapes for the tape recorder and a bed for Jeff. I listened to a tape I made when I was 14. Although it sounded a little funny I was surprised that I had sound ideas for musical composition. I picked up Toniça and we went to my apartment and we made beautiful love. I fell asleep on her couch while we were supposed to be studying. I kinda feel like part of her family, like the man of the house. Yugoslavian people take you in.

November 29th, 1978
(E)(F)(L)
Wednesday – Clymer is going nuts over a tape Tom and I and Fred made a few years ago. He is really excited about it. We put in 5 ½ hours at Avondale today and then went home due to rain. I fell asleep for a few hours. There was some shit about Toniça’s Mom saying she could not come over because my friends were seen by Renada (that little snitch) supposedly smoking a joint. What, in fact, happened was smoking a cigarette. Anyway, after she got off Toniça and I went to bed together. We kissed each other’s privates and then made love. I came when on bottom before she had a chance to. I’m trying to patch things up with everyone, especially my friends. That worry about Toniça’s Mom pressing charges occupies my mind far too many times during each day. Lord, I hope I get out of this free!!

November 30th, 1978
(F)(E)(L)
(1/1439)
Thursday – Since I restarted my goals with determination it seems as if a lot of good things are happening. We worked over 8 hours today and then I came home and showered and slept awhile. The guys and I talked. Jeff was excited about an old tape we made and wanted to go to New York with it immediately. So we gave him the go ahead and by the time we went to sleep we had all decided to chip in $100 and send him to New York Saturday. He was gonna send home for the money and we’d pay him back later. I picked up Toniça. When we go back to my place now when I want to go to bed with her I just close the door and undress. We kissed each other’s bottoms tonight and we talked about her putting mine in her mouth and maybe coming in her mouth. She said she wants to do that. We made love. She came when she was on top. Then I got on top and I came.

December 1st, 1978
(A)(F)(L)
Friday – This morning we were late to work and Jeff went through a red light. A cop pulled us over and said he had to go to jail cause he has an out of state license but Jeff talked his way out of it. It was a beautiful day today. It makes me wanna travel. We got off and as soon as we walked in the door, Warren, who quit today, called us, said he was working for Avondale as foreman, and asked us to start working for Avondale on Monday for $6.75 an hour so we accepted.
Jeff decided not to go to New York because he has to work tomorrow. I did not pick up Toniça from work because I was cooking. She walked over. She was sick and wasn’t feeling or looking well. It was one of the few times I’ve been embarrassed to be with her. She’s a sweet girl. Tonight she complained constantly. I was getting a little on edge about her but I’ve calmed down by the time I wrote this. Sure, I’m tiring of her and the thrill is wearing off but I truly love her and all I really want to see is her laughing and smiling again.

December 2nd, 1978
(S)(S)(F)(L)
Saturday – I have decided that I am going to make my life shine, doing things I want in double time. There is so much I want. I shall have it. Only 2 limitations stand in my way. Health and freedom. I pray to myself my VC and my God to let me have those two things though I’m sure I could learn to be happy without them. Today an Avondale foreman took our applications and told us to report at 7:30 am on Monday. We said ok. When we got home Howard called us and offered us to work on the crane for a hard money bonus so I said ok. He said be at the shop at 5:30 am Monday. I said ok. I’m, and Jeff too, in a fix.
Toniça and I made love tonight. She looked foxy. Let me say she can really look good. She does most of the time. I think she came tonight but I’m not sure.
I hope everything turns out alright for me in my life. My spirit is high and opportunity opens for me and I grab it now.

December 3rd, 1978
(A)(F)
Sunday – You know, those guys are funny. They cut me down for seeing my girlfriend all the time but Tom found a raunchy girl a few days back and we haven’t seen him hardly at all since then! Well, life drags along. I feel freer than I have in a long time. I have got to have some adventures next year. I would like to stay in New Orleans until sometime between February and July of 1979 and at that time I’d like to either –
1) Travel to New York for music
2) Go to Montreal to see Lynn
3) Travel to South America
4) Take off on a 3-year trip around the world
5) Get a job on a ship as a worker to Greece or
6) Get a job on a ship as a musician.

If I stay working I can save $500 a month. If I stay until June I’ll have about $5000 between cash and possessions. I’d like to live with Toniça after she’s 18 but frankly I feel like I’m wasting my life by just sitting here. Nevertheless the accumulation of money will enable me to continue. I’ve got to start reconciling.

December 4th, 1978
(F)
Monday – Today Jeff and I woke up at 4 am. We went to work. We talked to Charlie the Avondale foreman and he said it was OK if we didn’t start working at Avondale for another week. Most of the day we sat through the rain and wind and waited til the weather cleared. We ended up working clear through until Tuesday morning at 6 am. We had 24 hours on the dock. By the time we got home Tuesday we had been up 30 hours. Well, we got some overtime in!! I got to paint some with the spray gun. It was a blast! I really enjoy that. Well, Jeff and I had some memorable experiences during the 30 hours. The cold, the discomfort, the laughter the people we were with – Howard Big Nose Ray George (“Fae Bay”). Jeff is a great friend. My hand still smell of burning firewood smoke from the fire outdoors. I am really paranoid about the cops coming to get me. I hope some day I will be totally free. Didn’t see Toniça, missed her.

December 5th, 1978
(S)
Personal Recording (1/1)
Tuesday – As I said, here is Tuesday morning. I’m lying on my bed writing this – now it is time to shower and go to sleep. We just got off of work. It is 10:15am. We left for work yesterday at 4:30am. I’m awfully bushed. Slept. Woke. I felt really weird when I re-awoke. When I picked up Toniça she was all upset about the doctor’s office, etc, and had decided she had to see one soon. I got bummed. She ended up apologizing. If I can just hold on in this period of my life. My master plan has been foiled since the ship, but I’ve got to pick up my heels and find a new light to my goals. This realized I must soon think of something. I am sure something will break in time, but I can’t say when. As the months go by and I accumulate more money things will seem clearer. My ideas are starting to grow and as they do supreme confidence will again be around the corner.

December 6th, 1978
(E)(L)(A)(F)
(2/3)
Wednesday – Just before I wrote this an important evening has taken place on all accounts.
Number 1, Gary sent me a letter urging me to join him in South America.
Number 2, I got a letter from UNO saying I am accepted and that I am a resident, which means I can afford it.
Number 3, again I explained to Toniça that I must see the world and she asked if it would be as long as 2 years and if she could join me later to adventure.
Number 4, I was rude to Hock and continued my recording of the Change.

I am formulating a tentative plan as follows: Wait here earning money, waiting for Cappa. Announce my acceptance to UNO. Save money. Educate Hock and Clymer as to how we can continue musical pursuits in 2 to 4 years. Spend all of my spare time recording as best I can tapes of Tom’s and my songs. Place a copy in a safe deposit box for later use. Begin compiling necessary utensils for trip. List utensils on address page in back. Fantastic love with Toniça tonight. If I can just keep from getting thrown in jail now.

December 7th, 1978
(F)(L)
Thursday – Today Tom and I drove to Westwego but the stupid foreman said we couldn’t work cause of the damp. So instead Tom and I drove to Avondale, got hired starting next Monday at $6.29 an hour. Tom, I feel, was very lucky to have gotten a job as a painter/sandblaster when he doesn’t know how to do either! We got processed and did not get home until 4. I slept til 10:45 pm and missed Toniça’s phone calls. When Jeff came in he woke me up. I went to Toniça’s and gave her her pill. I put her to bed and we were lying there talking. She told me how she feels that she needs my body now and that she feels a need for me – but how only me and she never wants to have anyone else touch her. We closed the door and locked it. She pulled up her nightgown and lay on the floor and spread her legs. I mounted her and after a few minutes of silent, quiet lovemaking we sat up. We talked til 1:30 and I left.

December 8th, 1978
(F)(L)(A)
Friday – This morning we were ready to work at and at Avondale at 6:15 am. We didn’t do much but mix paint until 7 at night. It was a hassle getting our checks and my check was 6 hours and $27 less than Jeff’s, which made me none too happy. I got home and picked up Toniça around 10 pm. I cleaned my room and she fixed me a hamburger and then we took a shower together. When we went to bed together it was real, real nice. She’s such a sweetheart. She kissed me down there on her own volition and then again and again when I asked she put my dick in her mouth and sucked on the end. It felt so good! She says she likes doing that now. We fell asleep in bed and her Mom called her at 3:30 am and told her to get home. When we arrived her Mom was pleasant. I had to go at 4 am to work. As I was leaving Franja called from the hospital. The poor dear got in a car wreck and was crying. I had to leave.

December 9th, 1978
(L)(F)(A)
Saturday – Toniça and I didn’t get home until a bit after 2 am tonight. We made love 2 times and it was real neat. She’s sexy!!! Cara, Jeff’s girlfriend, is coming down here on Tuesday for 3 weeks (I think). Jeff and I went to the office once we were told to go to Avondale at 12 noon. Then we were informed that we weren’t working today. That was OK by me but we better get paid for the extra time. Well, I got some sleep today for a while. I didn’t go to sleep tonight though. I stayed up for Toniça and I wrote her term paper for her while she slept. I doubt if there’s ever been a relationship where each party gives equally and receives more equally. It’s really beautiful. C’est la vie. I have been doing a lot of thinking about it and I am set to go to South America.

December 10th, 1978
(A)(F)
Sunday – I didn’t sleep last night because I was writing Toniça’s term paper for her. So Jeff and I went to work half cocked at 4:30 in the morning. We did hardly any work all day at Avondale and went home at 7 pm. Finding the battery missing in Tom’s car made it a little more difficult to get home. We got a ride over the bridge walked a few miles and then hitched a ride the rest of the way home. I was in a delirium. You wouldn’t have believed at how incoherent I was rapidly becoming. I went over Toniça’s and helped her with her term paper until I think 1:30. I didn’t get to sleep. I’m getting more and more tired. I am leaving my decision of whether to go to Avondale or Del Petro tomorrow until tomorrow. What will happen in our next episode of J. Jeff J., Clymer and Shea?

December 11th, 1978
(L)(F)
Monday – Made love to Tonia tonight. It was great, as usual. She is a great girl to go to bed with. So loving, so warm.
Guess what? I heard from Robin Holt, who came by this evening with an ugly friend, that Jane Trufant is getting married. Also Fred has stopped being in contact with her. She ask, “Have you heard from shithead (Fred)?” Well, I’m starting to like her. She’s alright. I guess I misjudged her.
Tom and I started at Avondale today. Tom doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing. I like working for Avondale so far. It’s very organized and very laid back. I didn’t even bother notifying Howard – he’s an asshole anyway. But I did call Bill O’Brien at the office and asked for offshore work in January and a leave of absence til then.

December 12th, 1978
(L)(S)
Tuesday – Ate at McDonald’s. Had beans and rice and sausage for lunch. Worked from 7 to 3:30 pm at Avondale on my second day. It’s easy working there. When I got off I went to the shop and talked to the owners of Del Petro. We didn’t get home until about 6 pm. I took Toniça to McDonald’s just before I brought her home. We stopped off at my apartment first and made love one time. I forget if there were any variations. God damn it, excuse me God, (didn’t really mean that) but I would sure like to feel some resolve in my mind about my intentions for the future. Only one thing I am sure of – that if I went with Cappa the second I left I would know I had made the right decision.

December 13th, 1978
(L)(E)
Wednesday – I was so sick today I could hardly stand it. I got home at 4:30 slept til 9:30. Toniça came by, that sweet pea, and took care of me. Then I continued sleeping from 11:30 til 5:30 am on Thursday morning. Toniça took off her clothes when she came by but I was actually too weak to make love. I mean, I got hard when she went down on me, but I didn’t have the desire left in me to make love.
Diary, I’m working on a song right now called Men of Ease – it’s a real trip – It’s about a place a million light years away where the people just cruise around all the time – it’s supposed to be like heaven and it has a moral that we should try to make the earth more like heaven.

December 14th, 1978
(S)(L)(A)
Thursday – Dyna/Pysch™ practices have ceased. I realize that the goals I set up under it are what I truly want, and yet I feel my mind trying to “Shuffle off that mortal coil” of daily practice – perhaps my goals are too high to employ the mundane or perhaps it is my natural adversity to authority of any kind. I feel myself again – and better than I have ever in my life. Cara said that Audrey said Hi – and made it sound as if she liked me… “If you ever come to California.” I made love with Toniça tonight after a porterhouse steak dinner – but I’ll tell you – there are times now when I don’t love her anymore. I wish I did, but what she is beginning to represent to me is a prison or marriage or babies and commitment and I cannot have any of those encroaching alternatives. I will either depart in February, or June or be sent to Prison. I hope the latter is not the resort this must come to.

December 15th, 1978
(F)(A)
Friday – Tom and I worked at Avondale from 6 am to 6 pm. I got home, showered, ate, and then I called Cappa. We are planning to leave New Orleans around the beginning of March with $3300 each for a 1-2-3 year trip around the world as far as we can go. I talked to him from 7:43 to 8:04 pm. Toniça came by and we slept together, then I brought her home and went home myself to get ready for tomorrow. This decision to go with Cappa presents quite a few problems. In order they are: Tom, Toniça, Jeff, money. I’ve got to do some explaining and some satisfying and some moneymaking. Not to speak of all the arrangements that must be made. I feel kind of confused because I want to do it all but I can’t very well. It’s a hard decision to make but I know I must go.

December 16th, 1978
(F)(L)
Saturday – I worked 12 hours today at $9.40 an hour. Unfortunately for my poor Toniça I was as tired tonight as I was last night and I offered her no more entertainment than a quick fling in bed followed by hours of sleepiness. I don’t know how I am going to explain this proposed vacation to everyone. Honestly, I am very on edge and I can’t wait until matters are settled and I am gone. Once I am out of here I will be free to make my decision as to if I really want to come back or not, but unfortunately I won’t really know my own mind until I am ready to return. I hope beyond all recognition that I am able to work out all the angles and be gone.

December 17th, 1978
(F)(S)(!!)
Sunday – Tom and I worked 9½ hours today at $12.58 an hour. I slept when I got off and Toniça was upset with me because I didn’t pay much attention to her wish that I’d hurry over for a visit. I finally walked up there at about 9:15 pm. I want more than anything else in the whole world to be free. I want to see all the countries in the world and visit islands. I want to sleep out under the stars at night and find my own bed every night in a new place. I want to love women at will as an adventurer would. What force can I pray to, to insure that I may have what I want? It is not all that much to ask for. I am a man and I only want to be free.

December 18th, 1978
(A)
Monday – Today I really began to plan and think out my trip around the world. I have erected, at the top of the page, the number 73. These are the count off days til my departure to South America. I should reach 0 around March 1st. If Milton is right and Mardi Gras is about the 27th of February then 2 days afterward will be March 1st, which is when I want to go. I only wish it was sooner. I talked with Tom and gave him the news that I was going – but I told him I would come back. Surprisingly I got him to accept it and he seems happy just to know that someday I will be back by his side striving to make it big. When I do come back I do plan to make it big. But that will be in years to come. For right now I must concern myself with my new obstacle – perhaps the biggest – Toniça.

December 19th, 1978
(A)(S)
Tuesday – You know, I am so antsy to get on the road, that tonight I told Toniça that in March and April I am going to be gone to South America. Surprisingly things went off smoothly, but I am wondering if I can keep it smooth until I go. May God’s grace be with me. Toniça’s Mom is home (I think until next Tuesday night) and so it is hard to get to spend time with her. What to do! I haven’t done Dyna/Pysch™ for a few weeks now and I kind of wish that I was doing it. Those goals I set up are kind of a heaven on earth goal for me. You see, I am merely depressed because I have become convinced that they are too big for me to ever even hope that I will achieve them. If I could only make myself believe that I could achieve them I would be so much happier.

December 20th, 1978
(S)(!!)
Wednesday – I have sobered up a lot in the last few months. I haven’t smoked any marijuana or drunken any alcohol. I’ve changed because not getting high has made my goals seem far away – as they realistically are. I guess one could say that the time has come for action and the time for dreaming is over – but of course I’ve got to dream to keep my goals in sight. I’ve been a little depressed but I’ve had some waking up to do. I am quite sure however that it is no reason to be despondent. Sure, my goals may seem impossible, yet many men have come close at least. I need to do some delegating of my time to each particular job so it is sure to be accomplished. As for happiness being unhappy because I am where I am is rather stupid. After all, there’s nothing wrong with trying to better my situation – yet nothing wrong with being happy.

December 21st, 1978
(S)(F)(L)(A)
Thursday – Things are looking, in a way, better everyday. I started silently reciting my goals today because I felt depressed and I needed a pick-me-up. I think that you’ll find in the next few weeks I’ll be doing my goals when I can, kind of trying out a new system. Well, it did pick me up. I felt better after visualizing all those riches. After work today, we picked up our checks, Tom and I, for $363. Wow! It was fantastic for 1 week’s salary. We also received, J, T and I, giant hams, each of us, though Tom and I traded one of ours to Bill Sookes for 3 shirts and $3. The hams we got were huge.
Well, after Toniça got off, her and I went to my apartment. We made love and then I took her home. She is bleeding at odd times and I think she should go off of the pill. If I can leave to go to South America it will be good timing for her.

December 22nd, 1978
(F)((L)
Friday – Today I got up for the 18th consecutive day of work, but we did little work and we got off at noon. I even slept for an hour or so on the deck of a ship in wetdock number 1. I went to the bank after I got off and I had a girl named Karen send for all my money in Florida. Hopefully it will arrive next week. If it does, that will give me a bank balance of $2200! (I made a deposit today of $300.) I picked up a Teddy Bear for Toniça and later I brought her a sandwich. After work I took her to see ‘Moment By Moment,’ with John Travolta. It was terrible and I was a brat ‘cause I was tired. But after the show we had a sweet lovemaking session in my room. I took her home and fell asleep on her couch. Last night I mailed a letter to Cappa.

December 23rd, 1978
(A)(F)(L)
Saturday – Boy, is it nice to sleep in and not have to go to work! I wrote and sent a letter to Lynn today expressing my love. It will be a bummer if I never get a reply. I picked up Toniça’s pills today. Happily, they had a little note that we can refill the prescription one more time. So that means she will have pills through til about 17th of February. That’s a break. I also called my father today. I told him about my trip to South America in February/March. He’s a dear man. I told him how much I appreciated all he’s done for me.
I picked up Toniça’s present, Franja’s, Renada’s and then mothers present today. After I got off work, her and I went to my apartment and had a beautiful, but short, lovemaking session. It was great. She really looked cute today. I called the post office and they said that my request from my bank should reach there Tuesday or Wednesday. I have a feeling the days are going to tick of quickly til Mardi Gras.

December 24th, 1978
(L)(E)
Sunday – At midnight we went to midnight mass. Some guy laid one and Toniça and I were holding back our laughter. Toniça is sensational. It’s different when I get to spend as much time as I want with her and when I’m not tired. We made love this evening. We have to kind of sneak it in when we can. Toniça did some baking tonight. I did some recording today. I’m starting to record the entire volume of our songs to at least record them for posterity. If I die in South America I want Hock to take these songs and make them great. I think that they sound terrible but its kind of exciting to finally get them down on tape. I sure wish we were all together again, but I’d probably be best if I was solo.

December 25th, 1978
(E)(S)(L)
Monday – Woke up at Toniça’s and spent Christmas day between her apartment visiting and my apartment recording my songs. Christmas was a wonderful day – it really was. For the first time in a long time I felt totally free. I don’t care if they throw me in jail. Half of our great men have been there. And my music will stand through any hard ship or period of time. I felt today almost as if I experience an uplifting from Christ himself and I found myself in the evening looking up to the stars and unashamedly saying, “Please, Jesus, please, Jesus” over and over in a wish for success. And I dream of Lynn. Toniça and I had a beautiful but brief lovemaking interlude in the evening. She gave me a beautiful leather jacket for Christmas. I was so happy. And she was happy with my ring. I felt uplifted today. Maybe it’s the start of something new.

December 26th, 1978
(S)(E)(A)(L)
Tuesday – First day back from 3 day weekend. After I got off work I was a fucking busy bee. Yes, indeed diary it has been about 14 months since I felt the drive that I felt at one time. But I feel it now. Funny, since I stopped my goals I don’t feel less effective. I feel more effective. I recorded some 30 songs tonight. Going back over the songs gives me inspiration. I was thinking tonight about pulling a switch and blowing off South America and going incognito to New York and trying to make it on my own. (I could be called the Masked Alien – and be from outer space). Toniça and I made love twice tonight. She says she wants to love me forever even if I travel all the time and even if I make love to other women. Fat chance! I don’t believe her. But I love her. She’s a great chick. She’s so damn nice.

December 27th, 1978
(F)(L)(E)
Wednesday – I’m confused! I am supposed to be tired but my mind is racing a million miles a second. Slightly concerned, though it is premature, but since it’s my life savings of date, that my money has not yet arrived from Florida. When it gets here I swear I’m withdrawing it and stashing the traveler’s check in my room! Tonight I had the most divine experience with Toniça. She was in a good mood, she looked great, every part of her smelled terrific – and we made the most beautiful love imaginable. It was so caring and fun. Boy, am I lucky! My orgasms have, as of late, been great!
Diary, I don’t know what I will do come February. I had never intended the H.R.’s to be around as long as they have been. I’ve got a lot of choices open, and if my luck holds out there will be a whole new life opening up for me – and a great one at that.

December 28th, 1978
(E)(F)(L)
Thursday – When I got home from work today I recorded songs 70-135. When I was done my spirit for the H.R.’s was rekindled again. It was there 100%, and I began to consider writing to Mike Net and if there was a job open to organize a group and begin again to try to build the empire I was trying to build before. My money still hasn’t come, dammit, but I guess I’ll get it somehow. Making love with Toniça wasn’t so good tonight because just when I was admiring her naked breasts Hock started knocking on the door and wouldn’t go away because I wouldn’t give him the songbook. I feel as if I’m heading for trouble with that boy. But Toniça loved me well though and calmed me down. I was a beast to be with tonight. The days tick by and my state of mind is explosive. I‘m changing and I can’t stop.

December 29th, 1978
(E)(L)
Friday – Talk about fights! Jesus, did Hock and I bicker tonight like two little kids. I’m tired of this ordeal and I don’t care who’s right or wrong anymore. I told him that he carries his disgust around inside too much and that he should be more honest about the little things that bother him: rather, I yelled it. But since our fight things have settled down quite a bit. I’ve fucked up the taping that was going so well. I recorded over the songs I recorded last night. What a bummer! I had to pick up Teel – Toniça’s bird - at her house, then went and saw her at work. After work she came by. We made love and it was great. Since I’m not doing Dyna/Pysch™ anymore I am really enjoying going to sleep and waking up right away. I feel more normal again. But I can recall the days when I needed that mental support (1974).

December 30th, 1978
(F)(E)
Saturday – Even though I really didn’t want to I worked 8 hours for overtime with Jeff to make up for our unpaid holiday on Monday since we haven’t been working there 30 days yet. Being as though I only got about 2 hours sleep last night I was, needless to say, tired when I got off – and in an irritable mood. But I forced myself to complete a one-time over taping of all our songs – it was aggravating to say the least. When that was done I picked up Toniça and dropped her off at Lakeside. I went to sleep when I got home and when she came over I was barely awake. She was so pissed off by 11:30 she took the bundle of clothes that we brought over to wash in her arms and left in a huff – and I slept.

December 31st, 1978
(A)(L)(F)(S)
Sunday – This year has passed without event. From the T.S.S: Mardi Gras with Joy in my cabin to tonight with Toniça in my apartment – from the Caribbean to New Orleans. From Miami to the Mardi Gras, a mad fling with Jane who ended up getting married to another guy (thank God). To California after Fred left and Clymer joins us. As a year dedicated to finance I earned about $2700 in the last 2 months – I learned the secret of making a dollar – hard work.
Tonight Toniça and I stayed in bed for the New Year. The loss of Dyna/Pych™ – my loss of faith in the system and restoration of faith for myself. (I saw Brass Target today.) But if I am lucky I will see more of the world then ever before next year. I have some money saved and if God smiles on me, next year will be the most exciting ever. One note I made love more times this year than ever before, 245 separate times. JS.