1980
This year I dedicate to
LOVE

ACT I
We begin…

January 1st, 1980
(S)(L)(A)
I’m wishing and hoping that in the course of these pages I ca re-read years from now and find it a voluminous work about my 1980 romantic adventures. Yes. This is Love II. 1975 was my first year for love; in it I met Star, my mentor. I met Denise who loved me for over 2 years. I loved Bernadette from France and Giovanna from Italy. I took my first trip to Europe. It was a glorious year! Now we begin another such adventure. To throw the proper light on this novel we must begin with a look at today. What does this day hold? We find me, a young man of 24 living in his hometown of San Francisco, in a famous state, California, in one of the most powerful nations of the world – the United States of America. I have been gone from home for 2 ½ years until September of last year. To the Heart of the Matter!
I begin this year romantically uninvolved. For the last 5 years I’ve had a girl on New Year’s Eve. This New Years I went to Parker’s party. I got a girl named Jeannie’s phone # and then went off to a party with a fat girl I met a few nights ago named Teresa. We went to a bar where I picked up a girl named Regina, but I drove home alone. Romance escapes these, my every word. May my manners become more winning!

January 2nd, 1980
(L)(F)(S)(E)(A)
Let me introduce the cast of players at this time. Toniça – Girlfriend I had in New Orleans.
Gammy – My grandma whom I’m living with.
Tom – My good friend and fellow musician.
Jeff – My old and good friend from Millbrae
Irene – Friend from older days
Sally – My cousin, 25 years old, compatible
Karen – An object of my desire, Sally’s friend
Lynn – My most beautiful lover, lives in Montreal.
Connie – A girl I knew, from Germany
Lenora – A lover from the days of the ship [Ed. Note – Ship name, Mardi Gras]
Mike Taylor – An artist friend known several years.

I think you’ll find all of these people will play an important part, one way or the other, in the drama about to follow. As I begin this year, I have a few goals in mind.

(1) To complete 30 units at the University with a ‘B’ average or better.
(2) To go to Europe and/or to have Toniça visit me during the summer, or see Lynn Yoakley.
(3) To organize a band and perform at least 30 times.
(4) To record and push ‘Dance Heaven,’ a song I wrote in Peru.
(5) To find Love.
(6) To find Sex.
(7) To save at least $3000.

←→ Today I worked. I was exhausted when I got off. I talked to my cousin Sally on the phone and we made a date to do something on Friday night. I talked to Irene and we made a date to do something on Wednesday next week.

January 3rd, 1980
(L)(S)
I worked today at my father’s and happily discovered that he’s gonna give me an extra 4 days, for the holidays. Had dinner with Gammy. Phoned Pam Butler (an old girlfriend of Mike Taylor’s) and made a date for Sunday night. Cousin Sally called and we made a date to go roller-skating tomorrow night. She mentioned that when I leave we can go with her friends from San Jose and I think she meant Mountain View, where her beautiful friend Karen lives. I played the guitar, went over ‘Dance Heaven’ and I was re-convinced that it’s a hit song. I called Toniça and she replied that she’d like to be together with me again.
I’m writing, Diary, I love thee!! You are my only true confidant. You are my planning machine, my power to achieve, my tool! We can be honest. My life right now is very comfortable, but what is life without love? Truly, not much according to this book. I now add an 8th goal for the year…

(8) To seek and find meaning to my life and to reorganize my life and make it “perfect” again as: once was with Dyna/Pysch™.

Once I had a system of visualizing my goals every night and every morning. It was called Dyna/Pysch™. It didn’t work as well as I wanted so I gave it up – but now I’m dissatisfied because my life has no meaning. I must find that meaning again before summer.

January 4th, 1980
(L)(E)
Just knowing that I’m striving to better my life once again gives me hope, thus happens that special feeling of knowing your life has meaning and that you are doing the right thing. I’m hoping that knowing Sally I’ll casually get to know her pretty friend Karen, and if the time is right, if ever – to strike.
Well, for some unknown reason, I am suddenly myself again. Ever since Fred left the group [the Hopeless Romantics] I’ve been disillusioned and worse, since my last day in Lima I’ve been very depressed about Toniça. I’m now firmly convinced that had I returned this month Toniça probably would have made me stay in New Orleans. My trials since Bolivia are now over. I can feel the change. My life presents joy again, and my head feels back together. I’m giving up pot because I feel better and more able to handle life when I’m not smoking it. I can’t say why the sudden change, but I feel as if my life is falling together. I feel optimistic once again.
After work I went to Sally’s house for dinner. They served me a big steak. Then we went Roller Skating. Surprisingly it was a blast! I really enjoyed it. It was my 1st time. When I first started I couldn’t even move. Sally invited a friend of hers along – Laurie. We went out for drinks afterwards. I gave Laurie a ride back to her car. I kissed her a few times and got her phone number. I really enjoyed the evening.

January 5th, 1980
(A)
Upon awakening, Gam brought me 3 letters, one from school saying that my course choices will be fine for my major, one from Connie in Germany and one from Moño in Peru. Moño has located my package and will be sending it shortly. Connie says she still wants me, but has decided she can’t come to the U.S. this spring. Moño wishes me the best and tells me how great I am. I’m planning a new trip. I’m gonna go to Europe on June 19th again this year.
Presently my plans will be to hitchhike to New York and then fly to London on Laker Airways. From London to Calais, France. From Calais to Brussels to Amsterdam to Copenhagen to Stockholm, Helsinki, Oslo, to Berlin, Marburg to see Connie, then to Luxemburg and Lichtenstein. That will probably be it. I’ll return home from London and go to Montreal to finally visit Lynn. I’ll be returning around 2 months after my departure. Of course this is merely a rough draft of my plans. I may change them somewhat if Toniça comes out here for a few weeks. At the end of such a trip I would have seen 7 new nations to bring my total from 29 to 36.
In the afternoon Matt from work and his new wife came over. We went to Stinson Beach and had a cookout. Surprisingly, it was a lot of fun. They dropped me off at about 11pm. Shortly after, I hit the sack. I’m very confused at the Moment about music. What to do? Jeff Clymer called me today to let me know that he’s gonna be moving into San Francisco, because he finally got accepted at school!

January 6th, 1980
(E)(S)
I’m lying in bed. Just woke up. I feel like I’m reverting back to a little kid. It just occurred to me that perhaps I should alter my conception of my course in music. I really feel like time is closing in on me; I was thinking that perhaps I should get a lead singer, perhaps a girl to sing my songs. I’m convinced that I’m a great songwriter –but I’ve got a shitty voice and can’t play the guitar well enough.
I’m definitely gonna go to Europe this summer. Next summer I’m gonna get caps. I want to weightlift so that I have a great body, get a sunlamp, and let my hair grow a little longer. I’m staring a group, as of this minute the ‘Angels’ have come into existence. I will be the genius behind the group. The words and music are flowing out of my head quite easily these days. My new song is ‘I Want You By My Side.’ I’ve been working on ‘Dance Heaven’ and on ‘Start Lovin’ You.’
Called Up Laurie. If she’s over her cold we’re gonna go to the show this week.

Spade = Finance (intellectual)
Club = Entertainment (emotional)
Heart = Love (Sexual)
Diamond = Adventure (physical)
Spirit Symbol = Success (Spiritual).

Gam took me out to dinner with Uncle Don and Aunt Marge. I had lobster. What a life! I swear! Tom came up and we looked for places to practice. Perhaps we may have found a place. I did not drink at all tonight and I feel great. I’m not gonna drink no more. Since the conception of the ‘Angels’ this evening I begin my 4th life.
My first was 1955-1960. My 2nd from 1961-1973. My 3rd from 1974-1979. 1980 begins my 4th life. All that has gone before does not count. I am reborn. My old self is gone. I start a new life right now. No more doubt.

January 7th, 1980
(E)
It just occurred to me last night what happened with Toniça. Booze! I remember now that when she drank she was a bitch. And that’s why I kept her away from getting high. She became a dove. When she drank she became inconsiderate. So a mystery is finally solved!!! I knew there was a reason for her irrational behavior! Even she didn’t know why she acted like that.
I was talking to my uncle, who said that Poland is a great place to go, so when I leave for Europe June 19th, I’m gonna try to go there too. I‘m probably gonna drive to Montreal in one of these cars you can drive across the country. I’m so happy that I figured out Toniça’s problem! It all fits into place. She was so weird when I came back.
Ever since I’ve had the re-inspiration about the ‘Angels’ I realize something new. Since the inspiration that I feel now is stronger than ever before, Jeff Clymer’s influence, as has Gary’s, has not produced anything bad. In addition, they have remained my true friends. Jeff is my best friend, because he likes me best when I am at my lowest. Not to know me there, but to encourage me. I can sum up in one word what I want to be: wonderful.

10:30pm.
I am dead tired. I suffered the disappointment today of thinking we had a place to rent and then finding out it fell through. From elation back to discouragement. On the phone, talked to Laurie, Irene, Darleen, sent letters to Connie, Toniça and Lynn. I’m depressed again. I’m sure that if I had secured that place to practice, I would be totally psyched up. Lathan gave me a call. If only I can find a place to practice… love, I’ll… probably be miserable.

January 8th, 1980
(E)(F)(A)
Almost 11pm.
Feelin’ fairly good. Jeff and I just went out for a while. He came by and we went down to Broadway. Jeff’s an out-a-sight guy. My day was okay. It’s tiring working from dawn to dusk and the fiberglass gets to me. I’ll bet if I just went out and got aggressive I could get laid in 3 nights. I saw a poster of a group I’ve seen called ‘Times 5.’ If they can do it, so can I. I’ve got just as much talent as them. (I’ve seen ‘em twice.)
I know its just habit for me to change my mind. I will still go to Europe if I really need to during this coming summer. Yet it has occurred to me that I may be much better off if I stay at home this summer. It’s quite financial. If I stay home and work I’ll be about $3000 better off by the end of the summer. This could mean a fast little Fiat or Triumph. I want to build up my store now. I’ve satisfied my Wanderlust for the time being. Whenever I plop myself in one spot things happen for me.
I am very confident that I cannot help but prosper in this situation and I want to take full advantage of my present blessings – my home life, my youth, my music, my schooling. If I leave I’ll give up enough money for a car –and who knows what else. Know something? I’ve a mind to amass property, possessions, a home, fortune and fame. I don’t think I’ll ever escape my basic desires.

January 9th, 1980
(F)(E)
I took out Laurie just a little while ago. We saw ‘the Jerk’ (Steve Martin). It was really good. We had a good time, I kissed her goodnight. I received $631 = in pay today which makes the day nice for me. Other than these two events, the day was relatively uneventful. I thought of Toniça; a lot as usual. I feel so good and healthy. I’m very glad I quit drinking and smoking dope. At these times my mind is so clear and I feel I’m doing the very best for myself. Plus, I am very conscientious and make fewer mistakes. I also feel very much more alert.
Logically speaking. I’ve got to go through with music and Tom is a logical choice for a partner. If I’m in a group with Tom I can have much more of a say over what we play and how we play it. Without Tom I’ve lost support. I might be better off forging ahead alone, but time will show me whether it’s necessary or not. He’s practicing. He’s got equipment. I feel we’ll be good. We need that practice place. It is essential! I hope that when we secure it that we use it wisely. As soon as I get a chance I’m good to go out and buy a cassette recorder; I’m going to record all my practice sessions and I’m going to use it as a tape deck in my car. I’ll probably buy a fairly decent one. It will be quite enjoyable to be able to listen to myself while driving.

January 10th, 1980
(E)(S)(L)
I drove to Sacramento today for my father. I felt so terrible all day that it was only inevitable that I would come to revelations in the evening. I didn’t do much in the evening, but played the guitar.

“Sadness has left me, a visitor in the night of my gloom,
a tangible specter, she’s walked out of my life,
and left me in rays of glistening sunshine.
These are the things that I feel in my heart.”

I’ve been so needlessly sad over Toniça. What a little love. But there’s no need or cause for sadness. Sometimes it takes me time to realize things, which I knew before. I’ve forgotten til now all things that Toniça and I had said – times when she begged me not to make love to anyone else – and how I spoke so liberally of love – how I might want to make love with others some day. Why then should I feel sad that she may love others? Not at all. I know I’m a great lover. I have confidence that I will receive much love over the years. If it’s right Toniça and I will be together again. But sadness has left me. Much in the same way that it left her when I left. I felt an uncontrollable urge to call her tonight. I felt I needed to but when I summoned my strength I realized I must live without her, especially for now.
I toast – to Life, to Love!

January 11th, 1980
(F)(S)
Today I worked a full day and came home afterwards. After dinner Clymer came over and we visited. I’m in bed now, just writing, it’s about…

10pm.
La, la, la, la, la… I’m thinking of what to say. Today has been a full day. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I felt dynamic to the maximum all day long. I’m in a very spiritual, psyched up mood right now. Mountains are moving within me. I can feel the void between my early years 1-5 and now, and I feel the void closing. Every Moment I feel myself sliding back to be the person I began to be when I was first born. When I lived up on this same hill 20 years ago. It was the time of my greatest personal power. I was totally in myself, my projects. All of life was a dream. It was a fantastic world in those child eyes. And I’m coming back to that. It seems a fantastic place today. That wide-eyed, innocent outlook on life is overtaking me. I love it. I would rather be living on this day than any other in the last 20 years. My brain surges with clarity perceptiveness, enlightenment. On New Years this year, I felt so strongly that John [grandfather] was trying to reach me and saying that I’m destined to be somebody special in music. Perhaps it’s only me and my own desires welling up with me. But this is a time of Belief. We go on.

January 12th, 1980
(S)(E)
“Sometimes it’s worth experiencing things just so you can look back on them from the comfort of a warm house and be very thankful you’re where you are, and not out suffering in the cold, lost vastness of the world.”

This is the most exciting, mystical day of my life in some 20 years. Great news! I got a letter from Lynn Yoakley in Montréal and it says she would rather come here to visit me than go to Europe. She wants to come to see me. But as exuberant as that has made me, it is a trifle compared with what’s going on. I’m experiencing enlightenment.
I cried at the dinner table tonight as Gam told me I’m going to be a success and when I’m a success I’m going to look back and say “Gam told me it was going to happen.” All the scars that I have incurred in the last 20 years are being healed in this environment. What’s happening here is very simple: I’m in the right environment. Gam actually encourages my music.
I bought a recorder today. I’m going to buy an expensive stereo one sometime this week. Listening gives me great insight. Gam says don’t ever get discouraged and for the first time in my life I’d seen her show disgust (just a little) at me. For what! For thinking I couldn’t make it. Because no one has ever encouraged me like her. She had me in tears. I felt like a little child. She told me to have faith in myself and my tea leaves… she sees my love may come from Montréal.

Sunday 13th, 1980
(S)(E)(F)(L)
May I make a simple admission: I am the Greatest.

The seeds of bounty have been placed in my head by my dear grandmother Gam. She says that I will become enlightened. She says that when a person becomes enlightened they no longer have any problems for the rest of their lives, they have insight that others can’t perceive. And she was telling me this last night I felt that I was going through enlightenment. I feel different. I’ve changed. I’m different. I’m powerful. She said that when a person becomes enlightened everything they touch turns to gold.
I found a place to practice tonight. It’s just right. We can leave our equipment and practice 24 hours a day for $200 a month. I called Tom and he’s supposed to be here tomorrow with half the money. Gam took us out, Aunt Mary, Uncle Donny and I. The practice hurdle is over.
Do you know that I feel that even if I wanted to stop myself from becoming what I am becoming I couldn’t, for I have no inclination to put a halt to it the Moment. I want to look into Swingers Magazine. It is on the agenda to find for myself a sexual other. I don’t necessarily need love, but I need sex. [Rather than dealing] with a clutching female, perhaps it would be better to find sex mates. I love sex. I can’t control love, you should be able to secure sex. Make the note that I am strongly working towards securing numerous sexual relationships.
I’ve been listening constantly to the tape of my new, great songs: The Center, Jackknife and I Want You By My Side.

January 14th, 1980
(S)(E)
Parts of today were simply incredible. I think I have truly had a spiritual awakening. The strangest but most wonderful feelings are coming over me. It is wonderful. I think I now believe in forces outside the scientifically known realm.
I feel as if the spirit of my grandfather John is watching over me and aiding me. Looking back over my diary I can scarcely believe I have not written a detailed account of what happened on Christmas last, just a few short weeks ago. When I felt John was trying to communicate to me through my mind. He said to take care of Gam, that he couldn’t see me, but that he could ask others who could tell him. He said specifically that for the last 8 years he has suffered a lot but that he is now on his way to heaven. He said that I am going to be a great success in music. Ever since then I’ve felt like he’s watching over me. It all sounds crazy, but it was so vivid. He also said I will never ever be contacted by him again.
Tom and I decided not to get that practice place because it had too many other bands in it and it was too noisy. I am struggling over my decision of whether to let Tom be a part of my musical dream. It is a hard decision. But if I decide yes I’ll have to get behind him and encourage him. I feel dejected because I wonder if I am ever going to get going in music. Whatever I do will be better than just sitting here.

January 15th, 1980
(L)(E)
When I walked in the door tonight I said to myself this is going to be a great night with romance. I can feel it, and the funny thing if it wasn’t the most romantic night since. I can just tell that this is going to be one terrific year. It’s probably gonna be full of music and girls, money, comfort and recording – and Love.
I guess I’m just in a great mood right now. I wish I could give tonight a present to myself of 1976 when I would’ve given every little toe to make out with Irene Vidal like I did tonight. She even looked cute and she was coming on to me like you wouldn’t have believed. I called her because I was going over by her house to check on if Nuria still lived at the address her cousin in El Salvador gave me, but she didn’t. But Irene was all fixed up. I met her parents (after 4 years). We both took a walk.
I kept telling her how sad and lonely I am and how I am eligible. We kissed and talked arm and arm. It felt so good to kiss and hold a girl. We put our bodies next to each other and made out. I want to fuck her so bad!! I was starting to get turned on when we felt each other’s legs. We’re going out, Friday to the show. Her parents are really nice. She looked cute tonight.
I decided not to be selfish about my newfound songwriting genius. I’m going to give it a go with [Tom] Hockridge. If I treat him right he’ll behave and if he doesn’t I’ll put him in his place. Tom’s going out to dinner tomorrow or he may come to practice. I’m working on a new song and ‘Miss Samba Dee.’ I believe I’m enlightened! It feels like Love.

January 16th, 1980
(S)(E)
Tonight was a nothing night. I was too tired to do anything, so I crawled into bed early. I felt it was going to be a nothing night and it was. I wish life could always be inspirational. I think if I was famous that I could perhaps feel inspired most of the time. I get up and down about music. If I don’t accomplish a gold record within a few years I should probably just give up and try to be a screen actor. I’d probably be great at it.
It really bothers me that I’ve got so much potential and very little of it gets noticed. I’m listening right now to a Hopeless Romantics tape: the original Hopeless Romantics, i.e. Jeff, Tom, Fred and Paddy playing at Phil’s house in Thunder Bay. We’re playing; When I Get Restless, Anyone Can See and It’s A Cruel World.
Frankly, I’m surprised at how good it sounds. Fuck, I wish we were back together. I guess Dyna/Pysch™ worked. I’m such a loser now. Nothing. I have nothing! No one gives a shit about me except for Gam, she’s great – and the brothers of course… maybe there’s a dozen or so girls out there in the world that care a bit about me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I wish hoards of girls and nations could be applauding me. What to do? I’ve got to figure out how to get this group together. I’ve got to figure out some way to become really great. This tape is bitchin’!!

January 17th, 1980
(E)(F)(S)
Well, well, well, here comes Thursday. Being great takes a lot of work. Listening to this tape gives me remembrance to the fact that we worked a lot to just achieve this sound. It also makes me realize why I fucked so many chicks on the ship. For the simple reason that our music was exciting. It wasn’t that we were the best singers or musicians. It was simply that we were turn-ons and turned-on. If I was a chick I’d want to fuck me if I saw myself on that stage.
Well it’s got to happen again. That’s all there is to it. It’s so simple. What Dyna/Pysch™ did was it helped me to motivate myself to do things I wouldn’t normally do. It helped me to believe; believe is pretty important if you want to achieve. Well, I just want to say now that I believe in myself more than ever. I believe that I will be on stage. I will be in the public. I will be known. I will be famous. I will make it in music.
After work Hock came over and we went over some songs. He wrote one song that’s okay. I got a check yesterday for $302. Good work. I’m gonna get on top of things financially. I must say that I am listening constantly to my new 3 songs: The Center, Jack Knife and I Want You By My Side. They are… they must be pretty good, for the simple reason that I don’t listen to any of the other tapes because they’re usually too shitty. But not this one!

January 18th, 1980
(L)(F)(E)
I went out with Irene tonight. She’s only about a five but it’s really nice to be with a girl I can touch, kiss, rub and be affectionate with. GOD, I LOVE GIRLS! I want a woman, I want a woman. I want a woman. I cashed my checks today and I deposited over $600. Okay. I got $800 in the bank, $250 cash. So I got $1050 cash, $550 coming back in taxes, $200 from this weeks work I’ll get next Wednesday. So I got $1800 now, plus I got new clothes, a new guitar, a new amplifier, an MXR distortion box, a cassette Superscope (200 LPP, a pair of new headphones, all totaled about another $1000 worth of goods.
The day I got back in the States I had about $1500 worth. So I’ve made progress of $1300 since last September. Things could be worse. I start back to school in a few weeks. I guess I just do things when I’m good and ready. When I’m good and ready I’ll start up a band. I’ll just do it. When I do I know I’ll be even happier than I am right now. I am happy. Why? Because I am living in the lap of comfort. After all the roughing it I’ve done all the stuff I do now is practically effortless. Trouble is a I am too content. I’m so comfortable I’m falling asleep. I don’t think my standard of living has ever been so high. It’s very nice now. I’m set. Now I’m comfortable and secure. Now it’s time to go for success in music.

January 19th, 1980
(E)(L)
Dear Diary,
You tell me what I’m supposed to do! What would you do if you were sitting on top of another Beatles? How would you know how to produce it? To sell it? I’m so great! I’m the greatest composer of today’s world and I hardly even know it because I can’t record often enough and never on the right stuff. What would be the best name for the new group? The Angels? Or maybe Radioactive? Or Shock? I personally like the Angels! Because I feel like an Angel.
I’ve led a pretty great existence so far but now I’m living a better one. I stayed home tonight and set up my little studio and practiced all evening. It’s about 2 am. I get so much satisfaction out of doing this. Now on Jackknife the riff line should be played by a sad oboe (and violins). On Miss Somebody it should be played by a flute. I got everything done today except for going to a porno shop and picking up a Swinger’s Magazine.
Ha! Ha! My place is behind a guitar. When I finished I should crawl in bed alongside a sleeping/woken loving, beautiful, funny, foxy girl. It’s been great to spend all my time with girlfriends. But it really isn’t necessary. Sex is all I ever needed from girls of course, sex and affection. I just need a girl to fuck once a day for now. Just a quick hour or so would do fine! I don’t want to have to beg for it or be suppressed. I can’t afford the time and later, I want to spend every night along side a sweet smelling cuddly fox!!!

January 20th, 1980
(E)(L)
Good morning!! What I need is a girl who will come over and make love to me between 10 and 11 pm every night. That way I don’t use any but the necessary time for the actual stuff. I’ll have to work towards that. I am becoming turned onto time and money use. My efficient use of my money and time is important to my success.
What can I say but that Tom is being a good boy. I’ve decided he’s valuable in my quest of music. He’s got a nice voice, and he’s been practicing his ass off and it shows. He’s doing very nicely on the bass. I got to get a stereo system so I can do some good recording on his two track. Well, it’s off to work tomorrow. I made out a lot with Irene this weekend, so that’s something.
Diary, I just want to make it clear that this is a year for Love. I feel like a god-damned celibate! It’s not funny but (un)fortunately I feel fucking fantastic that I’m not worried about romance. I don’t need to have a sex partner to walk around feeling like $10 quadrillion bucks. I feel so good all the time it’s really uncanny. It must be my comfortable life-style and good food that’s causing this miraculous well-being. I say miraculous because I don’t think most people know what it’s like.
Anyway, as far as chicks go I’m dying to fuck but I don’t feel desperate. I’ve got so much self-respect that, well… it can only be a matter of time before someone really special and foxy comes my way and loves me, but I don’t even feel anxious. For one thing I’m too excited about the music.

January 21st, 1980
(L)(E)
Only 345 more days to establish record-breaking love marathons. Don’t worry, it’ll happen this year. This year is going to be ultra-fantastic. I can feel it. It feels like it’s gonna be 10x’s better than any previous year. Why? Largely because of what I’ve done in the past i.e. my predisposition and 2 – my present situation is very favorable… Music and Love.
Feeling good with a capital G. Do you know who makes me feel great? Irene does. So for the time being I’d like to see her. I went over to her house tonight and I took her for a drink at the Cliff House and then we got in the car and made out and talked about love. I explained to her about the 3 S’s of Success that Bernadette taught me; Soft, Slow and Sweet. She was impressed. She still being defensive but that’s only a matter of time.
So, on to other things I got a letter from Elke the girl from Berlin who I met in Cay Caulker. She says she’ll be coming to SF in April and can she stay here? You bet, Elke! I also got a bunch of mail from Moño who sent it via a friend of hers. But best of all today is this: I got a Telegram from John Herron, Tom’s old drummer friend. He says to call him and leave a number. He’s at the Ramada Inn in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I hope he wants to join our band. He is playing in a band there now.

January 22nd, 1980
(F)(E)
As tonight closes and the sun is rapidly going to the other side of the world, I write. I have no doubt right now that Tom and I will be famous. And maybe John too. Possibly Lathan, Tom and I are great together. I’m writing this on Wednesday morning. I’m sitting here at my Dad’s plant with my feet kicked up on the desk of the plant manager because this morning I’m the plant manager! I opened up today. Only 10 more minutes of bliss and then he’ll be in. I feel wide-awake even though I didn’t go to bed til 12:30 pm. Hock came over and we practiced late. I hope we didn’t bother Gam.
I called John Monday night at 11:15 pm and we talked for 45 minutes. I’m totally stoked for the simple reason that John’s coming out here!! Wow! We’ve got ourselves a great drummer. Tom called him after I did and talked to him for 30 minutes.

Evening.
Tom and I practiced a lot. We’ll probably be practicing our asses off now in anticipation of John’s arrival ‘within a month.’ I wrote letters to Elke and Moño. I want to make this point: I am not presently laid but I want to correct that presently, nevertheless, I feel superb nearly all day, every day. It’s probably a combination of a secure loving home, pleasant work, goal of music, good friends, tender Irene, lover of the future in sight. John’s sudden appearance is a miracle!!!! Diary, everything I touch is turning to gold. Why? I’m not even trying and just being myself.

January 23rd, 1980
(F)(E)(L)
(Note: Toniça hasn’t written.)
Mac should be in any minute. I sure hope he’s late. It’s great sitting here in this warm office. I can see why he gets perturbed when we ask questions – it disturbs his serenity. Let me see, I got money in the bank, a group in the making. It would be great if Lynn, Toniça, Elke, Connie and Lenora all came out here. I feel great but I’ll feel even greater if I have sex with a pretty girl. It would be great if Toniça came out to stay. What a sweet heart she is. Cappa came back this evening. A bunch of us went over to see him, it was really great to see him. We’re gonna go out on Friday night. Hock was there too. He’s supposed to come over tomorrow night. I called up M tonight. She’s so strange. That car accident must have affected her brain. Alan Lanzandorfer’s old girlfriend Audrey was at the Bit of England. When I left she said 3 times, “Hope I see you soon.” I guess she likes me. I also guess I have got to get laid soon. Brad Fiske said, “If you just act like they’re your friends it seems to work every time.”
Tonight President Carter said we will go to war if necessary to stop Russia from endangering energy supplies in the Persian Gulf. What a jerk! I sure as hell don’t want to go to war, and probably wouldn’t anyway. I’d like to pillow with 10 new girls this year. I’m scheduling myself to check things out Friday after work. Saturday I’m gonna go out with Irene hopefully.

January 24th, 1980
(F)(L)
Sitting here again in the office in the morning. It’s true about the war supposedly. The radio has a lot of news about the draft starting up again. I am not gonna go if it happens. I gotta pillow with someone soon. It’s gotta happen within the week. It’s so hard when you are used to having sex and nothing comes your way at all. But sooner or later I’ll get a steady piece and then - oh, won’t it be great!!
Well, I worked again today, just trying to earn as much money as I can before school starts. Hock came over tonight, but I was so tired and so was he that we didn’t get much done and mostly talked about girls. I called Toniça about 8pm. It was a disappointing conversation. We talked for ½ an hour and then she excused herself. She said that she may not be able to get out here this summer, but if she can she will. She said it made her feel guilty that I was out here loving her so much, and she complained that I only call her when I am feeling bad, which happens to be true. I hate it when she accuses me of things.
I asked her if she ever wanted to be together and she said she didn’t know. I told her that I lose interest in girls out here and she said it goes the same there for her – she says she dodges her dates once they get to the bar and then they have to drag her home. But she at least said that she still loved me. But I feel so discouraged towards putting hope in a future with her.

January 25th, 1980
(L)
Got a letter from Connie, who said that she loved me and would love to see me this summer and love me again. Irene broke her date with me for tomorrow night. Today I worked of course.
After work I picked Gary up at the train station. We went to my house, where he was invited to dinner. After a long dinner with Gam, Donna and us two, Gary and I went out for a night on the town. First we went to the Pierce St. Annex, a singles bar. We weren’t there 20 minutes when a blonde (about 5 ½) walked up and stared into my eyes for a long while. Gary asked her to dance. She said “Are you two together?” – I said “Yes.” She said, “You’ll have to fight over me,” so I asked her to dance and she said, “Yes.”
We danced the slow dance. It was fun. Then we danced a fast dance. After that she said she’d have to talk to her friends, and left. I had hesitated to ask if she needed a place to stay tonight when she told me she was from Palo Alto. I asked her to dance again and she said. “Yes.” We danced 2 more dances and she said I was “so cute.” Went to the bathroom and then she left. I didn’t pursue because I figured if she liked me she’d have come back up to me later or we saw her leave with someone else. We ran into Debbie Bowman; an old school mate from Mills. Then we went to Camelot where I met a Japanese girl named Mitu and got her phone number. Well, Gary no luck whatsoever. We went home at about 1 am. I really should’ve gotten laid by that blonde. I think I would’ve been more forceful if I had been alone.

January 26th, 1980
(E)
(Gary saw that blonde of last night tonight at a place in San Mateo.) I worked with Cappa during the day today. Gary’s a delight to be around! We spend most of our time cutting up and laughing. In the evening Lathan, Tom and I practiced. It was a lot of fun and I felt great after our 5-hour practice from 9 pm to 2 am at my father’s plant. But frankly I’m having serious, serious doubts about being in a group with Tom. When John called or rather, when I called him, he gave me the impression that he was giving me 1st shot to be in a group with him and the bass player friend. That would be considered backstabbing if I went into a group with Tom’s friend and left Tom out. It is simple: when I listen to a tape of my own songs (and don’t laugh at typical human egotism) they have that special something that Tom’s don’t. And he doesn’t add to my songs. It is just that I want to be successful. I need the best I can get. Things aren’t the way I want them. I’m into my own music a lot I guess. I haven’t always felt this way about my music. It is only recently that I have finally (after 12 years of songwriting) been pleased to the sound that I’m making. I think The Center, Jackknife, have that special something. I feel proud when I play those songs.

(1/27)
I just wrote a song called The Sun. I think that’s got it too.

January 27th, 1980
(E)(L)
I laid in bed (except for getting up to eat, etc.) until 6:15 pm today, sleeping mostly, my brain dreaming and working through the unimaginable day it has been exposed to in a lifetime or 24 years whichever is shorter. I’ve made up my mind about one thing – if I get a steady piece of ass I’ll be in Heaven. That is the one elusive problem/solving/creating thing my life. I don’t necessarily want a girlfriend. That would be limiting at the Moment. Just someone who (or more than one preferably) could give time when I needed time, preferably every day.
Funny thing to say, but even though I don’t have a lover I feel far from desperate. I also find it absolutely impossible to believe that I won’t be the happiest, most well loved person so I am Bob Bitchin’. (Bitchin’ meaning great, fantastic, wonderful.) But the reader will call me desperate. I found an ad in the newspaper tonight – so I wrote a letter to ‘Very Attractive Slender, sensitive, sensuous’ – and I’m sending it tomorrow.
There’s also an ad for rock music, fun travel, seeks male swinging single-straight w/ similar qualities for sincere club that’s forming. I called Mitu and I’m going over to see her on Tuesday evening. She’s 30 years old! I never would have known it. I’m pretty psyched up out my prospects for the future in love. I’ve finally stopped sulking.

January 28th, 1980
(S)(F)
Ha! Romantic Adventure!! I have none! But my mind is filled with Love! And that is what is really important. I’m laying her in bed suffering from acute fiberglass overdose in skin. At work today I had to leave early because I couldn’t stand the discomfort. But my room is so cozy and my bed so comfortable, this hill I live on is so magical on a starry night that I can’t help but be overcome with happiness. And this is all combined with the realization that I am free as the wind. I’m so free right now it is absolutely lovely. All at once, as I took a walk up this hill, I realized how wonderful everything is, how wonderful it will be when I finally do fall in love, but best of all, the fact that I am free to woo any girl I please to try for; how marvelous!!!
I love this hill. Irene broke her date with me tonight, but it’s just as well because the thought of driving over to see a girl that’s already got a boyfriend is sub-par. I mailed a reply to that ad today and also one for a swinging singles club. I bought some swinging newspapers but they were ads mostly for [men seeking] women so I trashed them. Anyway, they are disgusting.
I’m free as a bird. That is truly a wonderful feeling. I’d like to remind here that my year of Love doesn’t start until February 19th, and this is all my year of Adventure. But I’m feeling like I did in 1975 – unattached, free, wonderful and I’m also feeling like a great lover. Don’t ask why but I’ve finally convinced myself that I’m the greatest lover in the world!!! I really firmly believe that. I am firmly convinced that it’s only a matter of time before I have (a) girlfriend(s) and before I’m discovered. I love the adventure of seeing women every day that are potential lovers.
Okay. It’s late and I want to get to sleep because I have to wake up early and open up the plant in the morning so I just went to scribble down the important ideas for the day. I worked, paid my parking tickets, I had dinner over at Donna’s, and then I went out with Mitu until 11:30pm. Then I came home and filled out my Federal Tax Forms. Everything is in order. I also returned my sunlamp since I can use Marc’s. I listened to my tapes a lot and I decided that in addition to my group I am going to do some recording staring as soon as possible at Kermit’s, if it’s okay with him.
Today was a great, great day. I decided to start thinking positively. I notice that men like Jack Harpster think positively and are very successful. So I feel great and I feel confident too – just because I can!! I am also really happy to realize how free I am and I am able to love as many women as I possibly can. My time with Mitu was a real pleasure tonight. I’d say that she is much cuter than I at 1st supposed.

January 30th, 1980
(S)(L)
“All at once, it was as if he knew exactly what to do.”
I have to make an important note that my mental outlook has changed as of yesterday. It is the final step in the perfection of my mental power and the effect it has over my life! (Today I worked from 7 am around the clock until 5 am this following Jan. 31, 22 hours. I worked on the Flume project and it is nearing completion.)
I must explain, as we are in Act I of the Drama entitled Love-2, I must explain that my mind has performed a chain of changes over the last 5 years especially, but also over the course of my life. Since Christmas of last year. I received a message from my deceased grandfather and in this, the first month of 1980, of the new decade, I have become enlightened. My enlightenment began Jan 1st and lasted about 2 weeks. Yesterday announced the final firming of my libido or whatever the heck you’d call that inner soul which drives great men on to great things. My outlook as of yesterday is that: it is simple and it can be exemplified as total control of the controllable facets of one’s life by willing things to happen or not happen as they contribute to the cause one has taken in.
Simultaneously we are chosen and we also choose our cause, and once we have been proven worthy by the great course of life we become enlightened so that we may accomplish our task. My mission in life is to be famous and rich beyond any ordinary persons dreams, and it will happen and I believe it. I am destined never to have another bad day as long as my mortal body shall live. And I believe it, I am using no system, no meditation, no drugs, I will take an occasional drink but nothing amounting to more than about 5 or 6 drinks a week. Everything I touch will turn (figuratively) to gold.
I want to emphasize that in all honesty, in the deepest sense, honestly, that I, Jeff Shea, feel good at almost all times and it is rapidly becoming continuous that I have a sense of wellbeing and an aura which I can feel, from which I derive power which will never leave this mortal body as long as it lives. My attitude and outlook can be described as totally positive.
Let me give examples: Anytime something is subjective. I will grant myself the positive side, in other words, the attitude (I CAN) perhaps my belief. If I think of girls I am sure that they want to make love to me. If I see a girl I want, I know I will have her and make love to her. Whenever I consider what I will do I believe I will be the victor. Ask me how I know. The answer is simple, and correct. I know because I know. I talked to Mitu tonight. I also called Toniça and I told her I’d call frequently for only a few minutes each time. I said “I love you.” See, I know she loves me. So does Mitu.

February 1st, 1980
(S)(F)(L)
Hello! I have good news!!! Not only do I feel so sure about every aspiration that I have (it doesn’t even become an aspiration until I somehow know I will get it), I have proof to myself that list is having an effect on me. Two things happened today. Today was the first day of school. I am overjoyed to be back in school! The girls in my classes are absolutely in love with me because I am handsome and dashing. I had to return a bunch of books and I didn’t have my receipt. Thinking to go all the way home, I stopped and thought: I can return them without a receipt. Small wonder I saved myself a trip. It’s a small thing but I never would’ve thought of it normally.
So, home to rest after school. I took Mitu-san to see a rotten play called Sideshow, $5 each I paid, at the theater on the hill. After we went to my house. When I told her about Toniça she was unusually bummed. We took a walk to the park, but as with Moño I was so confident I snapped her out of it. I kept telling myself that she loved me and that I’d sleep with her, though I would never have thought it possible. We got back from the park and I asked her in for tea (when she said that maybe she should go home.) She said she’d rather have beer so I put a 6 pack of cans in the freezer and I went to my room with her. We were messing around, learning Japanese and I had given her a little peck on the lips. Then she gave me one later and on that note I started kissing her.
Later on I got her on my bed. I thought she was going to say she had to leave when she asked me for some pajamas. I gave her some and she put ‘em on and got into bed. I got in next to her. I started caressing her very soft, tight, lithe body and she said maybe she’d better go. I said, “Don’t be like that!” And she acquiesced and said “Okay, I won’t anymore” and hugged me. And she said she had no protection. I said I’d be real careful and then I just took all of her clothes off and she mine too and began making love with her. I pillowed her and she couldn’t believe I could do that, saying that she had never experience anything like that before.
After around 1 hour 15 minutes I went down and licked this heavenly pussy. When I came up she hugged me and said excitedly “That was great!” Then I said I am glad and I entered her beautiful small pussy and in 10 more minutes I pulled out (to prevent conception) just before I ejaculated. We went to sleep around 4 am. It was great!! She got on top and everything. She’s got a most unusual body, tight between the legs, small hips, softest skin ever. Oh, what a night. It was so beautiful. I could not believe it was true – and all because I convinced myself that I was going to get laid!!
I woke her around 7 am. She had cuddled in my arms. I pillowed her again and licked her pussy. Again I pulled out. It was so sensational. We got up and went out quietly. I took her to Zim’s for breakfast. We said goodbye around 10 am and I said I’d call her tomorrow night! I am thoroughly amazed on one hand and on the other I knew it.
Gam and I picked up her friend Marie. I am thinking about music. I think I’ll go down and buy a bass. Bill promised to sell me his tape recorder for $35, which is an excellent buy. Well, well, we are at a party. I drank a good quantity of beer tonight and almost fell asleep the whole way home, so you know what that means – don’t drink that much beer.

February 3rd, 1980
(F)(E)(P)(!!)
Today I studied from morning til night, intermingled with long, leisurely meals, playing the guitar a lot and resting. I love this house. Now that I have a lover my life is basically complete, my existence soothing, my happiness potentially boundless.

The secret of being a good, or great or the greatest lover is simple: Confidence. Confidence is the single most attractive thing about a person.

Jeff Clymer, my best friend, moved up to Potrero Hill today (or yesterday). He lives at 1335 De Haro, about 8 blocks from me. I talked with my Dad today on the phone and he offered me a job doing paper work, so I will work for him instead of for Ted Aksnes, because the money is better and the work considerably easier and more to my liking. I know now that my Dad is going to make millions in the next ten years.
I also know that I am going to be a great success. I am going to cut a gold record this year. I am going to own a Rolls Royce soon. Oh how glorious to own a Rolls!! Life is a medium, a dreamy substance, which requires only work to yield a new reality. New Realities are born every day.
With the tape recorder I am getting from Bill Weeks I will be able to record sound-on-sound by playing live along with the playback of a previously recorded part on machine. I talked with Mitu-san tonight. She’s crazy about me. She asked if I’d like to go to a Japanese festival on Saturday afternoon. We made plans to meet tomorrow night.

February 4th, 1980
(L)(P)
Lazing in bed right now it’s 1:40am. I’m supposed to go to work tomorrow for Dad at 8:30 am. Here is a message from Mitu-san, (Excuse me!) from Mitu-Sama.” Well, hold on a minute. She was so embarrassed she went in the bathroom. I was trying to watch her slip into my grey pajamas. Jammy-Up! We just had a long talk about monogamy, etc, marriage, visas, etc. It’s really too bad if she’s got to go back in April. She’s such a blast to be with and to make love with. I really must say that Mitu-San is a great lover. As far as pure sexual excitement it would have to be rated right there with Lenora.
We took an exciting, wind-filled walk on the Golden Gate Bridge tonight. My positive attitude, in which I assume all good outcomes, regardless of their seemingly impossible odds; really works for me. After we went on the bridge I got in my car. I drove straight to my house. She protested but she ended up getting in my bed with me. She asked me if I was marriage-minded. I said not and she asked me to marry her for 2 ½ years only so that she could get her green card and become a citizen. So, we happily made love til 3 am. Making love in this room is a blast. It’s so damn comfortable.
At school today I got Maka’s and Ruka’s phone numbers. I, (Mitu-San doesn’t have anything interesting to say Ho hum!) I promised Mitu I would be monogamous as long as we were together. She may get married by engagement so she can have a baby.

February 5th, 1980
(F)(A)(E)(L)(S)
I woke up at Mitu’s, drove to work and did not too much but still claimed 10 hours of pay. It’s really, really great that I have the opportunity to stay with my grandmother. It’s really great to be able to organize my life. I love this feeling of self-control. I get by taking care of every facet of my life. Plus Gammmy is super company. I’ve done a lot for my age and I can see that I’m slowly living out my dreams of…

1) Complete knowledge of the lands of this earth
2) A career as a recording artist
3) The pleasure of making love to lots and lots of different girls
4) Amassing large sums of money
5) Feeling like and being a success in all things I do.

I hope I’m able to stay here for a while it’s really a nice home. I want to record a gold record album this year and I will. It’s going to take all my resources to do it. I’ll have to be financially fit. I’ll have to work real, real hard to do both school and have a girlfriend and record an album. This is going to be a doozy but I’m going to do it. You know, I should also start working out. I’m getting unfit. I’m totally losing any semblance of muscles I ever had. I sure hope I find time to do that too. Do you know what makes my existence a contented one? Having a girl!!!

February 8th, 1980
(F)(L)(E)
I went to school and I went to bed early today (night). I’ve been looking into buying a 4-track tape recorder. I was real tired tonight because I do homework and work and see my girl and try to put this musical thing together too. Each day is very full. I enjoy a full life though I am perfectly content right now to keep busy. I’m kind of putting aside interest in the girls in my classes at school. I am mentally involved in trying to maintain my life and then also trying to progress financially, and thus musically. Why am I keeping this diary? I will soon be perished from the face of this earth.
Do you now what??? I want Mitu to suck my cock. I’ll have to bring her around to doing it. I want her to do it so we can do it to each other at the same time. I love eating pussy. I’m also looking forward to going gold-mining this summer. Hopefully Taylor and I will be able to get up there to Ione, Nevada, find the spot I know of and find that there really is gold there. That would be great to find an ounce or two. I would hold on to it rather than sell it - both as a memento and as an investment. I can hardly wait to get my sound studio set up.

February 9th, 1980
(L)
Saturday was lovely, but it… well, I’ll just recite what happened today. Today I brought Gammy’s friend Marie to the airport. Afterward I picked up Mitu-san. We had a wonderful, wonderful day. We took our cameras and went about the city taking photos – a lot of each other. When I picked her up she really looked pretty. On her, make-up is the difference between day and night. Well, we came to my house for a bite to eat. Gam was out. We had a nice dinner. Then we went to bed together. We made love and it felt super, super good. Then I started making love to her again after some time. She was real uptight and non-responsive. So we got our clothes on and went out to my car.
When we got in to the car she really turned on to me again and we drove to her place. I think that she felt uptight knowing that my grandmother was so close and she didn’t want to get caught. We went to her room and I felt I was not going to get any farther with her so I forced myself to go to sleep. But everything is going to be okay. This Japanese girl is real sweet but I believe that sometimes she gets hurt easily or is easily confused. It will all work out. I’m in a delightful position.

February 10th, 1980
(F)(L)
It is Sunday night as I write this. I just came back form Mike and Linda’s for dinner. I just called the guy with the Tascam ½” tape recorder for sale, but its no dice. He sold it for $1500. Then I looked into the SF Chronicle want-ads and there was a Teac A3340s and a Teac 2A mixer for $1150 – but by the time I called it was already sold. It sounds like it was a super deal. But that’s okay. I just decided now to get one of those 4-tracks. I have to pull in my expenses for the next month or so and try to beef up my bank account by maybe $350-500 so that when I get my $550 back in taxes I have maybe $1700 or more. Then I’ll be ready to jump on one of those deals when they come up.
I awoke with lovely Mitu in her room. She brought tea and then we made love for a good while with her on top. It was excellent. Then we went to Golden Gate Park. She saw some of her friends and I split to go to Mike’s. (I had her purse in my car.) Maybe she’s pissed but I’ll clear it up tomorrow night. I picked up that cassette recorder from Bill Weeks for $35. That was a pretty square deal as I can bring it back if I don’t want it. Mike gave me a 35mm camera but it’s pretty old and basic. I can hardly wait to begin recording. I got $900 in the bank right now. It’s expensive around here. Things are going good. But I should do more homework.

February 11th, 1980
(F)(L)(E)
Went to school this morning. I really like school. It’s great to be in school and not have to work hard, plus have the whole world shine on you for going there. I had to bring Jeff home and then pick-up Mitu-san from school and give her keys back. It’s funny that yesterday when I left her in the park I was thinking how by today everything would be okay and I’d end up sleeping over at her place tonight. Well, I did end up seeing her. We walked around Fisherman’s Wharf and then we went to her room where horny old me made love to her quite well. It was quite nice tonight.
I notice that the more intense the love making (and the better) usually has more variations and that also the more variations the more intense and enjoyable the lovemaking. I swear I hope Gam never reads this. Do you now what? I’m cunt-crazy. I swear to God. I just love to think about seducing girls and getting into their vagina. I love kissing vaginas and I love fucking girls. I’m not macho, like I’m not hairy and aggressive, but I must be a pretty great lover, because it comes so naturally to me. I’m seriously looking into purchasing a 4-track (Simal-Sync) tape recording machine when I get my tax returns back and if I work perhaps I can pay cash for a 4 track.

February 12th, 1980
(F)(L)(E)
Going to bed right now. I’m planning. I have come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to borrow money – maybe $2000 to get myself the things I need to get started. I awoke this morning in Mitu-Sama’s maid quarters. It is a little room in a building at 1880 Jackson St. in San Francisco. It overlooks the cross street and has windows on 2 sides. Across the hall is a bathroom. I think it is rather nice! So, we made love upon awakening and she got on top of me. The 1st time we made love she said she didn’t like it like that, but I think that she’s become (becum) enlightened about that position. So when I tried to leave for work she whined, “Don’t leave.” And I said if she made love again I’d stay.
We made love for another hour. She got on top. I asked if she’d like me to kiss her down there and she shook her head “Yes.” So I told her to slide up and while I was laying down she sat on my mouth and I lovingly attacked her vagina with my lips, tongue and saliva. Then she sat on my steaming shaft again and then we repeated the oral part, repeating this whole thing over and over. I entered her from the rear to finish.
I did homework the rest of the day (at Dad’s plant) and I did homework in the evening. I discovered that my Teac recorder doesn’t do sound on sound, but that I can buy a $40 unit to give that to me. I talked to Mitu-san on the phone tonight.

February 13th, 1980
(E)(F)(L)
I just got home its 6:30 pm. I am going to fill in a few things in previous pages. (Was called to dinner). Well, today was just fine until my amplifier blew. It was weird. It just started smoking about a minute after it shut off- the fuse was fine – it was pretty weird. I called guitar Center and they said that I could bring it to the Amp Lab in Palo Alto because they were a Roland Repair/Warranty Station. I got a sound-on-sound unit for my tape recorder so that I will be able to record sound-on-sound on my Teac.
I did some data printouts (for my computer class) today. I felt like a genius in probability today because I had done so much homework and prepared so well for the class. I went over to Mitu’s at about 11pm. We took a walk. I carried her piggyback up the hill. We went back and we made love. It was real great. She put perfume on and smelled great. God, I sure love women. I have a weird comment to make – do you know the movie The Omen? Well it says in the Book of Revelation about the anti-Christ and how he will come forth from the eternal sea.

February 14th, 1980
(L)(E)
My happy Valentine (sketch of heart) on the left signifies that at the tired time of this writing this guy (me) is feeling like quite the bitchin’ (meaning wonderful, great, better than the best) guy. Allow me to recap the day: I awoke on this happy Valentine day in the arms of Mitu-san-sama. We made love. Her bed is so damn comfortable and I enjoy making love so much that I never want to get out of her bed. Well, we made love and I felt so good and rested when I got up I said it out loud, “I feel great today and it’s cause of you, Mitu.”
I recall at about 5 am Mitu-san kissing me exuberantly and saying “Happy Valentines Day, Jeff. I love you.” Commencing the day, I called Guitar Center. They said the man from the Amp Lab was coming up and that I was covered for parts and labor and that they’d fill out a warranty card for me. I dropped Mitu off at school, dropped off my amp, went to work at Dad’s. I called Toniça tonight at 12:30am (her time) and she was sleeping. Sister Franya was real friendly. Toniça was sleepy and she said, “You’ll call back won’t you?” and voluntarily she said, “I love you.” I borrowed my Dad’s stereo and a playback system set up in my room.

February 15th, 1980
(E)(F)(L)
11pm.
I just want to note one thing: As sure as my hand pushed this pen I will soon be famous.

Note: I just finished my first recording on my Teac recorder. It is beautiful! ‘Dance Heaven’ is the song and it will be famous. I made a great buy tonight on 2 TBL speakers for $100. They are worth more to be sure – they were only $50 each. Oh! – But that recording!!
Well, now I’m gonna call Mitu- and go get some Japanese attention. Again I note – my head is upside down in excitement. Went over to Mitu’s. We parked in my car and talked. Then we went to her room and we slept together. We pillowed before we went to bed. I’m really glad I met her. She is quite a sweetheart. I brought her a small heart-shaped box of candy for Valentine’s Day and she bought me the same thing. I get such a wonderful reaction from girls because I get such wonderful reactions; which just goes to show that girls are wonderful creatures at heart- all one needs to do is to bring out their good qualities by showering them with love. That’s my specialty. I love to shower girls with kindness and love. Frankly, I don’t spend much money on them because I don’t have much, but someday I will.

February 16th, 1980
(L)(A)(F)
I awoke at Mitu’s. I never feel like getting out of her bed. It’s so damn comfortable! So I got up late. We pillowed before I left. Most of the time, when we’ve got the time, we do. I picked up some speaker wire, and empty steel barrel. I picked up my photos – they turned out great. There was an 8 x 10” of Tikal’s Jaguar Temple No. 1, which was really beautiful. I am amazed that the old Kodak 20 Instamatic that Taylor gave me, the one that has tape around it, could take such good pictures.
Well, anyway, I didn’t get to my father’s office until about 1 pm. We had lunch on me and then we argumentatively (something quite unusual with him) got on to working. He left about 6 pm. But I was determined to stay up all night and finish the work I had before me. So I stayed up working in Dad’s office until 8 am, with only about 1 hour’s rest.

Staying up all night is weird. It alters your consciousness I think. My intentions are to buy…

1) Integrated power amp
2) A 4-track tape deck
3) A mixer
4) A Roland space echo
5) A bass guitar
6) A nice sports car, basically in that order.

Mañana

[Ed. Note: Still searching for remainder of journal.]