June 28, 1998   Lhasa

We arrived at 3am, then drank vodka together till now.

Our conversation was great. Alexey spoke very nicely about the Tibetan culture being like a wildflower, somehow more beautiful than any cultured flower might be.

For my own part, today we woke at 4800 m, I drove over a 5302m pass (!), then we drove all day at 4800 m,  finally descending into Lhasa at 3800m. I drove the first 95km from Jian Shao Ping to the pass, and George drove the remaining 550km, while I suffered in the back seat with fever and altitude malaise.  At the moment I could not enjoy the experience, but for the rest of my life I will know what the place looks like: rolling alpine scenery, plain, green and brown, patchwork Tibetan villages sewn into the landscape, a convoy of 51 Chinese military (Japanese made Isuzu) rolling past—like ineffectual ‘occupiers’.

(originally handwritten)     The ideal of love is to want someone for an internal spiritual quality, rather than “something” tangible, such as money. Even wanting someone for good looks can be a turnoff for then. What is the essence?  Why do we differentiate between someone wanting to “use” us or to be with us because of who we are?  It seems that it should be enough that they want sincerely to give equal value in their kind.

June 29, 1998   Lhasa   (originally handwritten)
I am sitting in Liu Tswan’s  little bar shop.  Her body is awfully pretty  Sex with her is wonderful/fantastic. She is cheerful, humorous, considerate, though we cannot speak the same language.  What is there not to like?   I paid her bar 100Y to take he home and paid her Y600 to spend the night ($75).  We make love three times. I stress made love,  The first time (last night—for the first actual time was in the afternoon) was from the top.  My orgasm was tremendous. The whole process smooth and flowing.  The vibrations were just perfect., a feeling of powerful, gentle assertion.  It was like I was taking her, she was not resisting, as if hers was a bewildering enjoyment, as if circumstances had brought us to be alone and naked, as if unexpected and for her an unknown and mysterious act! How could such feelings exist in this situation?  I hyper-ventilated for about 35 seconds after having my orgasm.  I remained inside of her,  propping myself up by my arms above her, admiring her, then eyes closed.  ( About 1230am)

At 430 am I awoke with a scary headache I could barely move. I called for aspirin and coffee.  An hour later I could rest.  I wanted earnestly to make love to her. She faced away.   I wetted her vagina by stimulation with my fingers.  It felt so small I wondered if I could fit my growing cock in her. It was divine to feel it ‘snug in.’ She became more wet and it slithered more deeply into her.  My hand rested naturally on her ass. It felt small and round. The feelings overwhelmed me with pleasurable sensation. (On a scale of 1 to 10, it rose to 450.)  I pulled my torso lower (I was laying on my right side) so as to be able to thrust more penetratingly and higher into her.

30    TUE    Camping on a lake on the road to Gyantse, Tibet
Woke groggy, breakfast, went to PSB with Sasha and Geo. Interrogated for hours by Dan Zing. Finally told truth. Tswan’s friend came to hotel during lunch break, tried to fuck her, but after BJ, came before I could put it in, fined, drove to lake to Gyantse, camp.
Calls: Mailed postcard to Jill MacDonald, Calls to PN, Mimi, So Young.
Feelings: I am feeling pretty awesome.

980630  Leaving Lhasa
I perhaps never wrote so aptly about my sexual experience as I did yesterday, sitting in Liu Tswan’s café.  It poured out of me, and rightly it should,  because the experience had been so fulfilling.  Now she sits in jail and I am riding towards Mount Everest.

My feet are warm, barefoot, shoved up under the heating element of the front passenger seat.  George is driving.  It is growing dark, perhaps now it is 9 pm.   The sky is white, gray, we cross a bridge.  There is slow waltzing slightly sad Russian music playing on the tape. We are very glad to leave Lhasa, no matter how wonderful it is.  I am beginning to feel that Lhasa is a special place for me. The first time I went there,  I met my future wife. (In some ways a bad thing.)  The second time I went there, I was on my way to climb Mount Everest (which I did, which was a good thing).  This time my door was practically broken down by the Lhasa Public Security, myself and Tswan both dressed in a towel. She looked so beautiful.  The evening before and the morning of yesterday,  we had such delicious (not oral though) sex.  Her large breasts, her nice ass, made for very luscious sex.

I can close my eyes and touch type if I want.  The Russian lyrics are slightly melancholy, but uplifting, romantic, nevertheless—and they fit my mood.  I wish I could fuck Tswan again.  Why does the law have any say over this matter?  Hers seems like a worthy occupation to me. She did not steal anything from me.

It is dark now. We are on a terrible road. I am happy.